Chapter Text
"You didn't think of taking a fucking medical team on site?!"
Porchay winced, muffled voices filling his ears.
"The bar people were our people. It wasn't an issue we were expecting."
"I don't fucking care. If you have the face to take my fiancé and put him in a situation like that then you should've at least taken enough precautions."
"Kim-"
"Do this one more time Macau, and I don't fucking care what partnership or peace we’ve built, I'll burn every bridge, including you, down, even if it costs me everything!”
Porchay snapped his eyes open, squinting when bright lights assaulted his eyes. It didn't take long for him to realise he was in his own bed at Kim’s penthouse, and there was an IV hooked onto his arm.
He sat up slowly, the bedsheets were tucked up to his waist tightly. He did a quick sweep and found only one person in the room, looking very colourful and bright, quite the opposite to the current situation.
"You’re awake." Tankhun smiled brightly, sitting in the corner of the room with his diamond encrusted phone, the rapid tapping filling the tense silence in the room, which was broken again by raised voices outside. The fury dripping off them made even Chay wince.
"Look, I'm sorry Kim, that wasn't our intention-."
"I really don't fucking care. Get out!"
Porchay looked over at Tankhun who was now approaching him timidly, but also with a small smirk.
Why was no one in this family normal, Porchay thought to himself. Then again, Tankhun was always first to protect Kim and even encourage his weird protective and controlling tendencies. The brothers weren’t that different when it came to those habits.
"Good luck. You're in a lot of trouble, little Porsche." Porchay shrinked into the sheets, fear striking at him again.
He didn't doubt that.
"Kim, don't you think-"
"Leave."
There was a significant pause before the soft click of a door shutting followed, then finally his bedroom door was slung open to reveal a fuming and on edge Kim.
Tankhun blinked. "That's my cue to go." He shuffled away quickly, sending one last encouraging wave to Porchay.
Kim stayed quiet, in a very grating way if you asked Porchay, he just kept staring with cold and raging eyes, mouth pressed into a thin line and eyebrows furrowed permanently until Tankhun shut the door behind him.
"How dare you? How dare you even begin to try to leave me?" Kim yelled out, finger accusing and almost trembling if you looked closely.
"What? What are you talking about?! I just wanted to fulfill my duty." Porchay sat up fully in disbelief.
He felt whiplash at the words, because this was not how he thought this argument would start.
"I don't need you to do anything! I want you to stay safe and happy. Beside me!" Kim took a deep breath in as he saw Porchay roll his eyes, he could see the younger still didn’t take his stance on this topic serious enough.
Kim’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment before exhaling shakily, he could feel his control slipping slowly.
"I'm not going to be a sitting duck, waiting around being useless." Porchay replied slowly, knowing he was on eggshells at the moment, but he wasn’t about to let himself be intimidated to accepting whatever paranoid solution Kim had. He was tired of discussing the same thing over and over again.
"You can't put yourself in these situations, Chay. You can't do this to me. Or Porsche." Kim gritted out
"Kim-"
"No, Chay. This isn't to be discussed. I warned you this is how it'd go.” Kim spat, remembering their previous screaming matches that ended up with Kim promising he would be not so pleasant and agreeable if Porchay ever threw himself into danger.
“Kim, listen-“ Chay tried to interject, now worry starting to seep in.
“ I told you what I was like, Chay. I won't let you do this again. I'll chain you up here if I have to."
“Very funny, Kim.” Porchay grumbled as he felt the anger and irritation slip back in violently. He bravely rolled his eyes as he pulled the bedsheets slightly further down, feeling suffocated.
The younger looked up as a few moments in as Kim stayed silent.
He looked into cold brown eyes, and suddenly the room didn’t feel so warm and neither did Porchay felt like he had escaped a misfortune. Kim looked resigned, angry and sorry?
He was being serious.
Porchay froze. "You're going too far."
"I'm going too far?" Kim laughed emptily, fingers raking through his black strands which messily framed the elders face again.
“You seem to never get this Chay.” Kim growled exasperated. “Everything about me rides on you. I left Wik for you Chay. I’ll do it again. I’ll do anything. Do you understand what you mean to? I need you like I need to breathe.” The last words came out in a grit, the anguish clear in them.
“Kim, listen. I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t jump in thinking it was dangerous, we all thought it was a relatively safe mission. A little riskier than my usual ones.” Porchay apologised, guilt eating away at him but at the same time a fear of where this was going.
“A little?” Kim hissed.
Porchay scoffed angrily, “Well, anything is a little more risky than siting in an expensive office with some old white men who look like they’re one jump scare away from fainting!”
“Porchay!” Kim yelled warningly.
“Kim! You’re being crazy. You can’t actually lock me up?!” The younger finally yelled back, fed up and scared.
“Yeah? Watch me?” Kim jaw clenched in frustration before he went to lock the door in the bedroom, pulling out a key Porchay didn’t even know existed.
“My brother will never-“ Porchay interjected with bite as he flung his sheets off.
“Porsche agrees.”
Porchay stalled and felt himself crumble back into the sheets, he thought…..his brother always had his back. For everything, especially something this ridiculous, his brother wouldn’t…..
“Chay…” Kim sighed softly as he saw tears well up in fiancés eyes. The feeling of betrayal etched across pretty features.
“Porsche agrees you need to…..have an eye kept on you for some time.” Kim added, trying to show comfort the younger but knew it was impossible in this situation.
“Some time?” Porchay responded incredulously.
“Yes, maybe until you get rid of this streak finally where you seem to want to get in bed with danger.” Kim said with spite.
“I already do that!” Porchay childishly spat out.
Kim looked at him unimpressed.
Kim was dangerous, never to Porchay though. It was unlike the younger to try to stab with such an insult.
“Well at least none of Theerapanyakun-related danger okay?” Kim shoved the key into his suit pants.
“Kim I’m a grown fucking man.” Porchay growled, finally making way to leave the bed, thankful that the IV was on the same side.
Kim inhaled sharply in frustration as he watched the younger shakily try to get out of bed, but it waa clear he was a few moments away from crumbling onto the marble floor.
The ex-singer smoothly grabbed the younger by his arm, gently pushing him back down to sit on the bed.
“Yes, you’re also my fiancé.” Kim said firmly but softly as he looked down into brown eyes sparkling with tears.
Porchay felt his throat tighten, anger and confusion tangling together until it hurt to breathe. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around all of this right now.
Kim wanted to lock him up—no, intended to lock him up—over a relatively safe mission, similar to ones he’d been training for months. Sure, things had gone wrong, but it had ended fine. And his brother— his brother —was on Kim’s side?
His eyes darkened as he strained his neck to continue to stare up into Kim’s cold and determined eyes. “So that’s it, huh? You just… decide things for me now? Decide I don’t get a say in my own life?”
Kim’s voice softened just enough to make Porchay’s frustration flare hotter. “It’s not about controlling you, Chay. It’s about protecting you. Why don’t you see that?” Ring adorned fingers gently held the you gets face, thumb stroking against the high bones of chays cheeks as if to soothe an untamed animal.
“Protecting me?” Porchay laughed, sharp and cold. “You mean, putting me in a cage. How is that any different from what you were so desperate to save me from before?” He saw Kim flinch, a small crack in his otherwise unreadable mask, and felt a rush of bitterness fill him. “I’m not some helpless damsel in distress or that poor kid you once rescued, Kim.”
Kim’s face twisted, a barely restrained fury tightening his jaw. “Do you think I want to do this, Chay?” he spat. “Do you think I enjoy having to put my own fiancé under guard, like some prisoner?” He let go of the younger and ran a hand through his hair, exasperated, before fixing Porchay with an intense glare. “I don’t care about some childish sense of freedom if it means putting you at risk.”
Porchay’s fists clenched around the sheets, his voice rising. “Maybe you should care! Maybe you should think about what I want! Or is this just all about you? About keeping your perfect little world intact?”
Suddenly, everything Chay had been keeping locked down deep and hidden started revealing itself. It was uncontrollable but freeing.
The words built up in his throat, sharp and bitter. “So that’s it? You think you own me now? Just because we’re engaged, you get to dictate what I do, where I go, who I become? Doesn’t that sound very familiar to how you were living when your shitty father was still around!”
Kim flinched, but his face hardened, masking the brief flash of hurt. “This isn’t about ownership, Chay. I would never do what that fucking monster did. It’s about you not understanding what’s at stake. You’re reckless, you have no idea what it feels like for me when you put yourself in situations where I could lose you—”
Porchay cut him off, his voice cold. “Lose me? Lose me, Kim? Maybe if you actually saw me as a person, you’d realize I’m more than something you can lock away for safekeeping.” He scoffed bitterly, letting the frustration and anger pour out. “You really think chaining me to your side is love?”
Kim’s jaw clenched, and he looked at Porchay like he’d just slapped him. “Don’t twist this, Chay. This is love . This is me trying to keep you alive because I’d lose my mind if something happened to you.”
“Maybe it would be easier for you if you didn’t care so much then!” Porchay shot back, voice cracking, but he didn’t let up. “Because you’re suffocating me, Kim. You say you love me, but the moment I do something you don’t like, you try to control me. Is that love, or is that just you wanting to keep me in a glass box, safe and untouched so I’m convenient for you?”
Kim’s eyes darkened, his voice dropping to a cold, dangerous tone. “Careful, Chay. You have no idea what it’s like to live the way I do. To know that every day, the people I love are only safe because I’m ruthless enough to keep them that way. But I never thought you would be the one to throw it in my face.”
Porchay felt a pang of guilt but shoved it down, refusing to back down now. “So that’s it? You don’t want me as an equal—you just want a shadow you can keep tucked behind you, safe and silent.” His voice dropped, bitterness lacing every word. “I thought you wanted me, Kim. But maybe you just wanted someone who wouldn’t talk back.”
Kim’s eyes flashed, hurt and anger flickering in the depths of his gaze. “Why are you doing this Chay? You think this is easy for me?” he ground out, voice raw. “I’d rather chain you to this room than risk seeing you hurt or worse. And if that makes me a monster in your eyes, fine. I’d rather be a monster than a fool who lets the person he loves walk into a death trap voluntarily because he’s fooled himself into thinking he’s got something to payback!.”
Porchay laughed bitterly, hollow and aching. “Then maybe you don’t love me at all, Kim. Not if you can’t trust me to make my own choices. Or respect my principles! I don’t need your prison disguised as protection. And maybe… maybe I don’t need you either if this is what love means to you.”
Kim’s face paled slightly, the weight of Porchay’s words hitting like a punch to the gut. “You don’t mean that,” he whispered, though his voice held no certainty. “Chay, it’s not—”
“No, don’t do that,” Porchay interrupted, voice shaking now, torn between anger and heartbreak. “Don’t look at me like I’m being unreasonable for wanting to live my life.” He shoved the sheets back again and stood, despite the soreness in his limbs, the IV in his arm pulling slightly. “I can’t—Kim, I can’t be what you want if it means losing who I am.”
Kim stared at him, his hands balled into fists at his sides. Porchay could see the silent struggle, the war in his eyes between his need to protect and his desire to keep Porchay happy. But, as always, Kim’s protective instinct won out.
“I’m not asking you to lose yourself, Chay,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m just asking you to understand what it does to me when I think of losing you. How can I let you walk into danger when I know I can stop it? When I know I have the power to keep you safe? Why has this interest developed? You use to hate this…..stuff. ” His voice cracked on the last words, a vulnerability slipping through that Porchay rarely saw.
Porchay’s heart twisted, but he forced himself to keep his resolve. “If you love me, Kim, you have to trust me too. You can’t just pick and choose the parts of me you’re okay with.” He hesitated, swallowing down his own emotions. “I love you. But I can’t be a version of myself that’s just safe and tame and hidden away.”
Kim was silent for a long time, his gaze dropping to the floor, hands still clenched. Porchay could see the internal struggle, the pain and frustration. Finally, Kim looked up, his eyes hardened again, a decision forming.
“Fine,” he said quietly, his voice steady. “But don’t expect me to sit back and watch you get hurt. If this is the life you want, Chay, you’re going to have to accept that I’m never going to stop trying to protect you.”
Porchay exhaled, relief mingling with apprehension. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but it was a step. A step toward the balance they needed.
“Thank you,” he murmured, reaching out to touch Kim’s hand, feeling the tension thrumming under his skin. “That’s all I ask. Just… let me be me.”
Kim’s jaw remained tight, but he laced their fingers together, a silent promise. “Just… be careful, Chay,” he whispered, the words almost pleading. “Because I don’t think I could survive losing you.”
Porchay gave him a small, reassuring smile. “I’ll try. But only if you try to trust me too.”
They stood there, an unsteady truce hovering between them, fingers interlaced and hearts wary. And for now, it was enough.