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[Kongthap's Diary Entries]
Date: January 14th
It's been a few weeks since I first met this one boy at the library. Still, I can't understand why he insists on hanging around me so much. He's always so cheerful and friendly, trying to chat with me, asking me questions and bringing those damn flowers every day. Maybe he's pitying me because I don't have anybody to talk to, or because I live in an orphanage? I don't know, and I don't care.
Date: January 15th
Today, another flower was left on my desk. A sunflower. According to the internet, it stands for 'friendship?'. I don't know what to make of it, does he want us to be friends? Or is it some kind of joke? Or an earnest gesture from the one who keeps leaving them for me? I don't know, every time I see these I get more confused. And yet, I can't bring myself to throw them away. Not yet, at least.
Date: January 17th
He sat next to me again today. Like he always does. Smiling and chattering like we're old friends or something. He even brought a new flower – a carnation. According to my research, it stands for admiration and fascination. Is it possible he really admires and is fascinated by me? That seems highly unlikely. I'm not exactly fascinating. But then, why does he keep bringing these flowers? Why does he keep sitting next to me?
Date: January 20th
The boy came again today, the same as always. I got a new information though – his name. It's Atom. I overheard him talking to the librarian. Atom, huh? It fits him, in a way. Cheerful. He brought a new flower too, A crocus. Apparently, it stands for cheerfulness, joy and hope. I wonder if he knows the meanings of all these flowers he brings...
Date: January 24th
I saw him today, playing with a stray cat down the alley. He had this huge grin on his face, like he was genuinely happy just to be playing with a cat. He looked so carefree and innocent, not at all like the cheerful persona he usually puts on. For a moment, I almost forgot to be annoyed by his presence.
Date: January 25th
Something strange happened today! I actually talked to him for more than few seconds. We talked about some books, and strangely I found myself enjoying the conversation, his presence. He's not as shallow and annoying as I thought. And he gave me the flower directly this time, a daffodil. It represents new beginnings and hope. I don't know what to make of that.
Date: January 26th
I can't stop thinking about that conversation we had yesterday! How easy it was to talk to him, how his smile didn't seem as fake and cheerful as the people I actually spent my time with more often. I keep on stealing glances at the daffodil he gave me, the one laying on my desk. Is it foolish to start thinking that maybe, just maybe, there's more to Atom than I initially thought?
Date: January 27th
He gave another flower today – a purple hyacinth. He seemed more serious than usual today, his smile was not quite reaching his eyes. The hyacinth supposedly stands for deep sorrow and pain. Why would he give me a flower with that meaning? Is he buying these without knowing the meaning? Or is there something weighing his mind? I don't know, but I can't help feeling concerned..
Date: January 29th
Today was... different. Atom seemed more withdrawn, like he was distant and preoccupied. He gave another flower, a gardenia. I've read that it symbolizes joy and purity, but I can't help but wonder if there's a deeper meaning behind it this time. I tried to ask him if something was wrong, but he just smiled and brushed it off. I can't shake the feeling that he's hiding something.
Date: January 30th
Atom didn't come to the library today. It's the first time he hasn't shown up in weeks. I don't know why, but I felt strangely disappointed. I even brought a flower to give it to him – a camellia. It symbolizes 'longing and aching love', which seems fitting, considering how his absence has left this empty feeling in my chest. I don't know why I even care.
Date: February 1st
Atom still hasn't shown up at the library. It's been two days since he last came. I feel like a fool, constantly looking over my shoulder, hoping to find him. I keep telling myself that I don't care, that I'm actually enjoying the quiet solitude, but my thoughts keep drifting back to him, those eye smiles and continues chattering... I miss it actually.. And there's that damn flower, the camellia, still in my bag. It's like a tangible reminder of my own damn feelings.
Date: February 3rd
He didn't come today also...
Date: February 4th
Atom is back!! But something is different. He seems a little weak, paler than usual, and his usual cheerfulness is gone. I tried to ask him what's wrong, but he just smiled and brushed it off, like he always does. Then he handed me a flower – a marigold. It stands for goodbyes and new beginnings. Why does it feel like he's saying goodbye? Where's he going?
Date: February 10th
He's gone....
Date: February 12th
They held a small ceremony for him today. It was a quiet affair, just a few people whom he's close to, I still don't know what really happened to him, I haven't asked anyone about it too... The whole time I kept thinking about the flowers he used to bring me – the Sunflower, the carnation, the crocus, the daffodil, the hyacinth, Marigold... I still don't understand why he gave them to me in the first place. And now, I'll never have the chance to ask. All I have left are these goddamn dead flowers... Yeah, they're all dead....
Date: February 14th
The marigold he gave me Withered completely yesterday... The same flower that foretold his departure. It's become a symbol of what I've lost, of the questions and feelings left unanswered. I wish I could turn back time, go back to those moments when he was here, brightening my life even as he hid his own pain. Maybe then I could do things differently, understand him better. But it's too late now.... too late..
There will always be a page left for you in my heart
With unspoken feelings
[End of Diary Entries]