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Buck swore he was cursed. He couldn’t tell you what god he’d pissed off but he was definitely cursed.
Or was it a jinx?
He had been talking excitedly all week about the party and how much he was looking forward to it—he’d gone all out on the decorations: paper bats hanging from the ceiling, enough fake cobwebs everywhere that he’d probably be finding them in places years from now, 20 pumpkins—that yes, he had made the 118 help carve—ghosts, ghouls, witches and all manner of spooky horrors hung on the walls and from the mezzanine.
Maybe he’d jinxed himself?
For the first time since Buck joined the 118 they actually had Halloween night off and he was going to make the most of it. The whole of the 118 was invited to his party and some firefighters from other stations.
People began arriving around 8pm and with each knock of the door Buck answered excitedly in his cowboy costume.
“You know you didn’t have to buy everything at Spirit Halloween, right?” Eddie commented as he walked in dressed as the least scary werewolf in the world.
“If I had, I’d have definitely left that sad looking Werewolf costume.” Buck gestured up and down Eddie with his finger.
“Gimme a break it was all they had left today.”
“I keep telling you: you gotta get in there early to get the good stuff.”
“I’ll remember that next Halloween. Beer?”
“Fridge.” Buck answered walking back to door.
“Woah! You really went to town!” Hen, the Tin Woman cooed in admiration looking around Bucks apartment, ahead of her Cowardly lioness wife, Karen.
“You two look great!” Buck grinned at them. “This is what you get when you put effort into your costume!” He said pointedly to Eddie, who flipped him the bird in response.
“You should have seen us all. Here.” Karen opened her phone to show a photograph of them both, with Denny as a scarecrow, Mara as Dorothy and Jee-Yun as Toto.
“Aww! Look at Jee!” He said. “Is my sister really okay with looking after all 3 of them hyped up on sugar?”
“We made a deal. She’ll take them tonight and we’ll have Jee three separate nights so she and Chim can have a child free date nights.”
“And they’re under strict instructions of 3 pieces of candy only tonight.” Hen added.
“I’m sure my Maddie is grateful.” Buck laughed.
Another knock to the door was answered to Lucy Donato from Harbor station dressed in ripped clothes and some fake blood strewn around her face and clothes that gave the air of a last minute zombie.
Stood behind her was a well built man, not in a costume but wearing a tight enough Henley that made his upper arms look huge!
Maybe Buck should hit the weights harder.
“Buck, it’s good to see you.” She greeted with a hug.
“Hey, Lucy.”
“Oh, uh, this is Tommy. I didn’t think you’d mind I brought someone? Figured as he’s former 118 it’d okay?”
She didn’t wait for him to answer and walked straight to the kitchen to get a beer.
“I’m trying to train Lucy to be more polite but it doesn’t seem to be working.” Tommy informed him.
“You should try tequila.” Buck advised.
“Thanks for the tip.” Tommy smiled. “But really I hope it’s okay? I’m not crashing your party am I? Evan? That’s your name? Or is Buck?”
“Uh, Ev-Evan is fine.” He said having no idea why. “And no-no, you’re not crashing. Although, you’re not wearing a costume.” He furrowed his brows as he looked up and down Tommy’s body.
“I’m dressed as someone who just got off a 72 hour shift.” He said deadpan.
“Ah. Now you say that I can totally see it. Very original.” Buck remarked.
“I’m known for my originality.” Tommy replied with a smirk. Buck smiled and was it getting hot in his apartment? He should turn on the AC.
“Can I get you a beer?”
“Sure, that’d be great.” Tommy followed him to fridge where Buck opened them both a bottle.
“…I just hope we don’t get called in. It’s been too long since we’ve had a night off without the kids.” Hen said.
“What’s that?” Buck asked.
“Fire down at the docks. Been upped to a 5-alarm.” Lucy told him.
“Who’s on scene?” Tommy asked.
“Uh, 118 B-shift, our B-shift and the 122.” Lucy replied.
“Well, there you go! Between the 3 of them I’m sure they’ve-“
Chirps and rings echoed around the room from almost everybody’s phones like a chain reaction. Everyone’s faces dropped at the sound—it was never a good sign when all of their phones went off at the same time.
“Spoke too soon, Buck.”
“What? What is it?” Karen asked.
“The fire at the docks has spread to some shipping containers containing suspected hazardous materials—everybody’s being called in.” Hen told her wife, sadly.
“This is so unfair. First Halloween off ever and we’re getting called in?” Buck protested.
“Not “we” Buck—that’s your, what? Third beer? You gotta stay home.” Hen said and may as well have punched him in the balls.
Being called into work was at least some consolation to having his party ruined, but not being allowed to go just made it feel that much more of a failure.
“Sorry, Buck.” Lucy gave a sorrowful expression then turned to Tommy. “You coming?”
“Can’t. I’m on a mandatory 72 hour off.”
“Shit. Can you find a way to get home?”
“I’m sure as a grown-ass man I can find my way home, mom.” Tommy threw at her sarcastically.
“Do I need to remind you of-“
“No you don’t!” Tommy interrupted her. She laughed as she left the apartment.
“I’m sorry, Karen.” Hen said apologetically.
“I know.” She said back. “It’s okay.”
“You take the car home later-“ she handed the keys to her wife. “I’ll ride in with Eddie.”
“Be safe. I love you.” Karen kissed Hen.
“I will. Love you too.”
Within minutes everyone but Karen and Tommy had left. Buck slumped against the counter with a heavy heart and sipped his beer.
Yep, he’d definitely jinxed it.
“I’m sorry, Buck.” Karen said softly. Buck tried to smile back but failed miserably. “I know you put in a lot of effort for this.”
“It’s still early—why don’t you go to Maddie’s. I’m sure she’d appreciate the recusing from 3 kids bouncing off the walls on sugar.”
“We have the 3 candy limit rule remember?” Karen reminded him.
“You underestimate my sisters lack of defence against anything cute—I guarantee her resolve was gone completely the second Mara or Jee gave her a cutesy face.”
Karen grimaced. “Really?”
“I used to do the same thing when I was a kid. Worked every time.”
“You think the kids would do that to her?”
“Mara I don’t know but I may or may not have taught Jee.” Buck admitted.
“Yeah I better see if she’s still alive.” She said grabbing her bag. “You want a ride, Tommy?”
Tommy looked at Buck then back at Karen. “Uh, no that’s okay. If you still live in the same place then I’m the other side of town to you. I’ll just get an uber.”
“You sure?”
Tommy waved her away. “Really, it’s fine. Thank you though.”
“I’m sorry, again, Buck.” She said walking to the door.
“It’s okay. Have a nice night. Tell the kids I said hi.”
“I will. Bye guys.” The door closed behind her and Buck was left with Tommy in the kitchen.
—
Tommy felt.. weird. Not bad weird, like if he was in a strangers home, but weird like he and Evan or Buck (he still wasn’t sure what to call him—he wasn’t sure if he’d said Evan out of politeness) knew of each others existence thanks to their connection to the 118 but weren’t friends.
Ordinarily he would absolutely make his excuses to leave—he wasn’t really one for small talk as it was—but Evan-or-Buck’s forlorn face made a little crack in his heart form.
He’d heard the stories about Evan-or-Buck from Howie and Hen; the golden retriever firefighter who was sometimes neurotic, often ridiculous, always loyal, and with a heart a gold that everyone at the 118 would defend til their dying breath.
And here he was, in his own kitchen, peeling off his, quite frankly, comically large fake moustache, having his own party ruined and looking like a sad golden retriever puppy. And just as adorable.
“You, uh.. you don’t have to stay, Tommy. I’m sure there are better things you could be doing. I-I won’t be offended if you left.”
Tommy waved his hand. “It’s fine. Besides just means more cake for us.” Tommy picked up a red velvet cupcake and removed the fondant eyeball from the top and popping it into his mouth with a satisfied smile.
Buck couldn’t help but smile back at him.
Tommy thought it was beautiful.
“So-“ Tommy said sitting on one of the bar stools at the island “-I have to ask.. Lucy called you Buck but you introduced yourself as Evan—do you honestly have a preference?”
Buck was always quick to answer that question with his nickname but- There was something about Tommy that he didn’t mind being called Evan.
“Uh, E-Evan is fine, really.”
“Noted.” Tommy said before shoving the last of his cupcake into his mouth. “You’re going to have to hide these from me—they’re amazing!” He declared.
“Thank you.” Buck said with a smile.
“You made these?!” Tommy asked.
“That surprise you?”
“Yeah. I mean, no, but.. I’ve just never met a firefighter that could bake this good.” Bucks face flushed bashfully at the compliment.
Bobby had taught him well in the ways of the culinary arts—he was no stranger to praise. But something about Tommy, who oozed cool, complimenting him that seemed to hit different.
“Bobby has been teaching me how to cook pretty much since I joined the 118. I-I mean after the stolen engine incident anyway. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories from Chimney and Hen.” He gestured.
“No? But I’m not sure if I should be intrigued or scared.” He looked at Buck with an inquisitive face.
“Neither. Least I don’t think? Basically I used to steal the engine to have sex.” He admitted.
“Jesus.”
“It’s not as bad as it sounds.” He protested.
“Evan.” Tommy responded, his tone incredulous.
“Okay, it wasn’t as bad as I sounds. I did steal municipal equipment for personal.. reasons. But trust me getting fired for it definitely smacked some sense into me. I no longer do that.”
“No longer steal engines or have sex in them?”
“Uh, both.” Buck answered. “I’m not that type of guy anymore. Engine hijacker or horny 26 year old with no impulse control.”
That made Tommy bark out a laugh and Buck felt warm at the sound. It felt like at school when you made the cool kid laugh.
“You never thought of stealing an engine to have sex? Back in your days at the 118?” He joked. It was an innocent enough question but it didn’t stop Tommy’s stomach from twisting at the memories of his time there.
“Uh, no. I’ve never been the type to steal an engine anyway, but the 118 back then was.. it was a pretty regressive place with Captain Gerrard at the helm and I was still figuring myself out.”
Buck looked at him with that familiar face Tommy often saw when people were trying to figure him out. There was time in his past when he would just let people do it; not care if they figured out the truth about who Tommy was. But these days—and with thanks to a hefty amount of therapy—he was more the type to address the potential elephant in the room before it became a bigger thing.
“I’m gay, Evan.”
A look of surprise flashed across Bucks face. It wasn’t an uncommon response Tommy received—he was a big guy, masculine in appearance and in a very macho line of work—sadly people tended to default to the assumption that he was straight.
“Is that a problem?” He asked. If it was, he’d rather get it out of the way now.
“What?! No!” Evan seemed almost offended at his question. “Uh, no. I’m-I’m an ally. Every year I put a rainbow on my instagram.” He added with a smile. And Tommy believed him—he was clearly excited at the prospect of being seen a good ally and there was that adorable thing again. The fist bump at the end to articulate his point almost made Tommy choke on his beer.
“That’s good to know.” He said.
“So.. can-can I ask you personal question? You absolutely don’t have to answer, though.”
How could Tommy not when this guy was looking at his with those, quite frankly gorgeous blue eyes.
“Shoot.”
“Were you always.. out? In the fire service I mean?”
“Oh God no. Like I said Gerrard was.. well he did not make me a better person. And after him it was like an island of misfit toys for captains for two years—to quote Hen.”
“What about Bobby? He’s super supportive and progressive—I can’t see him having a problem with it.”
“Oh, no he wouldn’t have. But by the time we knew that he was sticking around long term and I could maybe see myself coming out, I was getting antsy to get back in the air.”
“That’s when you transferred to Harbor?”
Tommy nodded. “I had to retrain as a pilot—I hadn’t flown anything since I left the army 6 years before—and re-certify as a firefighter pilot, which, all in all took about 6 months. Then I got lucky a month after recertification when someone retired from Harbor and I got the position.”
Tommy was utterly surprised at himself. That was the most he’d talked about himself to a relative stranger in.. well, ever. There was something about Evan’s presence that was calming; like he was an anti-threat.
“What about you? How is your experience at the 118? With Bobby still at the helm I can safely assume it’s been a far more positive experience than mine?”
Buck nodded. “We’re a family. I didn’t really appreciate that at first until the aforementioned engines stealing and subsequent firing,” he laughed, “but, I can’t imagine being at any other station.”
“That’s really good to hear, kid.” Tommy smiled.
“I’m-I’m sorry that you didn’t get to have that experience there.” Buck told him.
And Tommy knew that he meant it with his entire heart by the wonderfully earnest look in his eyes. Tommy could swim in them.
“But now you’re actually family, right? Howie married your sister?”
Bucks smile widened as he nodded. “Uh, yeah. Had my niece, too.” He walked around the island and sat next to Tommy on a stool and showed him his lock screen of him and Jee taken a few weeks before.
“Oh my god she’s adorable!”
“She’s my favourite person in the world.”
“Jesus, that adorable streak is definitely a family trait.”
“What?” Surprised by the compliment.
“The way you’re talking about her and the look on your face—it’s adorable.”
Buck felt his body temperature go up a degree. Or 20.
“Uh.. I just love her so much. Plus, she’s at-at that age now where she’s super fun to hang out and talk to. Although, she’s also at that age where you have to be careful what you say around her. More than once we’ve had to gaslight her into thinking the word she heard was actually “Buck” and not the highly-inappropriate-for-a-4-year-old-to-hear rhyming word.”
Creases formed around Tommy’s eyes as he laughed heartily at that. Buck thought they were nice.
“You got any kids, or nieces or nephews?”
“No.” Tommy shook his head. “Only child so no nieces or nephews and no kids.”
It wasn’t exactly what you would call a “sore” subject for Tommy, but he was 40 and had long since given up the idea of meeting someone and getting to the point where they would have children. He was fitter than your average 40 year old man, but by the time he would (probably not) meet someone and get to that point he’d likely be pushing 50 and as much as he’d like to think he’d be as fighting fit at that age, chances are he wouldn’t be fit enough to run around after a small child.
Buck saw the way Tommy was picking at his beer bottle at the subject of kids and chose to drop the subject.
“You said you’d get a uber home, right?”
“Uh, yeah? Is that a hint?”
“What? No! I-I just meant that, we should drink the good stuff.” He said getting up from his seat.
“Now I’m intrigued.” Tommy said as Buck took a bottle of red wine from the rack under his kitchen window and placed it on the island. Tommy took the bottle to look closer as Buck removed two glasses from the cabinet.
“And he’s a wine connoisseur, too?”
Buck laughed. “If by “he” you mean the lovely old lady at the store who picked it out, then sure.” He said taking out a bottle opener.
“Let me.” Tommy said taking it from Bucks hand. “She picked a good one.”
“Ah, so you’re the wine connoisseur, huh?”
“Actually no. I was just trying to impress you.” Tommy said surprising himself.
“That was about as impressive as the Halloween costumes.” Buck teased.
“Come on! Hey!” Tommy said giving a face of mock offence. “You don’t think I can pull off this look?” He gestured to himself.
“Have you seen you?! I don’t think there’s a single costume you couldn’t pull off.” Buck definitely did not mean to say that. Well, he did, but he- Tommy was objectively good looking. Gorgeous actually, and- Look Buck could admire a hot guy sometimes—it wasn’t abnormal!
He couldn’t help notice the blush to bucks cheeks at that comment. Tommy held his eyes for beat longer than normal, mostly to gauge Bucks reaction. He looked away, but not immediately.
“So, from one wine connoisseur to another—have we let it breathe long enough?” He asked.
“Screw it—sure.” Buck replied pouring them each a glass.
Happy hums filled the kitchen as they both tasted their wines.
“Remind me to ask you where that old lady works because she has excellent taste!” Tommy asserted before taking another, bigger sip.
“Careful —or you’ll be passed out on my couch before you know it.”
“Excuse me, but drunk Tommy is too old to sleep on anything that isn’t a bed.” He said.
“You really think drunk you can get up those stairs?” He gestured to behind Tommy.
“Yes.” Tommy said deliberately sitting more upright as though to somehow prove his capability.
“I’d like to see that.” Buck laughed.
“Really?” Tommy said back with a faint smirk. Buck, for reasons he could not decipher, suddenly forgot how to swallow.
Tommys smirk widened into a smile and Buck regained his swallowing ability. “You did that on purpose.”
“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” Tommy said. Which flustered Buck even more. He felt a low level swooping deep in his belly that he couldn’t identify.
Tommy thankfully changed the subject to ease up on him. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed knocking Evan off kilter a little with some harmless flirting. And though Evan didn’t seem to be offended by it, Tommy wasn’t entirely sure if he was reciprocating.
Flirting aside, Tommy was actually having a nice time hanging out with Evan. Though Hen and Howie often laughed when regaling some of Evan’s wildest escapades, they always did it full of fondness, and Tommy could see why.
Evan, in the short space of time he’d gotten to know him, seemed very genuine. He wasn’t putting on any airs or graces or pretending to be someone he wasn’t, which Tommy had been on the receiving end of by people many times. A lot of guys were intimidated by him; be it his physique or job or both, and would often act like idiots to impress him.
The fact that Evan wasn’t doing that was refreshing.
“So tell me about your parents. Are you close?”
Buck almost choked on his wine. “Uh.. I.. no. We’re not close.”
“No?”
“It’s, uh.. it’s a long story.” He said.
“I’ve got nowhere to be.” Tommy said genuinely. “But, only if you’re okay to talk about it.”
Buck did want to talk about it. Which surprised himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the wine or Tommy.
“No, it’s okay. But, we, uh.. should be more comfortable for this. C’mon.” He picked up his glass and the bottle and gestured for Tommy to follow to the sofa, kicking off his cowboy boots along the way.
“You mind if I take mine off?” Tommy asked.
“Oh, no, go ahead.”
Buck topped up their glasses as Tommy unlaced and removed his boots, tucking them neatly at the side of the coffee table. Buck raised at eyebrows at the action.
“You can take the guy out of the military..” he said.
“Right. I actually applied to join the Navy Seals.” Buck told him.
“Wow, really?”
“Yeah. I aced the physical and actually got in technically, but they wanted emotionless drones and trust me I am not that.” He snorted at the end.
“I’m glad you’re not.” Tommy said. Before Buck could have another crisis over that comment, Tommy continued. “So, your parents?”
“Right.” Buck sighed. “Well, the short-er version is that my parents had another kid after Maddie, Daniel. He, uh.. he got leukaemia and none of them were a match, so.. they made one.” He gestured to himself. He could tell by the shocked look on Tommy’s face that he was not expecting that. But he continued. “Unfortunately, the cells didn’t match and he.. he died.”
“Jesus, Evan. That-I’m so sorry. That must have been hard.”
That crack they had formed earlier in Tommys heart blew open a little bit wider.
“Well, that’s the kicker—I didn’t know about him until about 4 years ago. And that only happened because I found a picture of him and when I asked Maddie who it was she told me the truth.”
“She hid from you, too?!”
“Yeah. But I don’t blame her. I mean I was angry at her at first but, she was 9 when it happened. And my parents.. rather than dealing with their grief, they packed up all of Daniel’s things, all of our things, actually and moved us halfway across Pennsylvania and forced Maddie to keep the secret.”
Tommy was truly blown away by Evan’s revelation. Usually his own shitty childhood trumped everyone else’s he’d met but Evan’s might just be on par, just for a different reason.
“Did your parents blame you? For your- for what happened to your brother?”
Buck shook his head. “No, it wasn’t that they blamed me, it was more that I was living, breathing reminder of what they’d lost. Maddie said they withdrew into their grief after that, which was the world’s biggest understatement. They were barely there for either of us. Physically, sure—they cook, and take us to school, made sure we did our homework, but beyond that weren’t there for us emotionally. They were too scared that something would happen to us and they’d lose another kid.”
“That’s not an excuse, Evan.” Tommy told him.
“No, I know. But, though they’ll never be the parents my sister and I wanted, they have made some progress in the last couple of years. Especially since my lightning strike. I think that-“
“Wait, wait, hold up-“ Tommy held his hand up to stop Buck. “You’re lighting strike?!”
“Hen and Chim never mentioned that? It’s arguably the weirdest thing that’s happened to me. Weirder than the emergency tracheotomy on a first date.”
Tommy was being bamboozled from all angles. He took a breath and tried to blink through all the information that was coming at him all at once.
“Okay, I’m gonna come back to the tracheotomy part,” He said and Buck couldn’t help but laugh “Can we go back to the lightning for a second.”
“Uh, yeah. 2 years ago. Pretty simple, really—was on a call up the ladder and bang. Struck by lightning. I actually died for a bit.”
“You died?!”
“3 minutes and 17 seconds.”
Tommy truly could not possibly conceive how Evan was so fucking calm talking about this.
“And you recovered fine?”
“Yeah. I mean I had some gnarly math skills for a while-“ he laughed again “but yeah full recovery in about a month.”
“That’s.. wild.” Tommy said not know what appropriate word to use.
“Yeah, that was a wild year.” Buck sipped at his wine. Tommy looked at him expectantly for more information. “Well, an old friend Connor and his wife Kameron asked me to be a sperm donor for him and his wife, which I was. Then I met my ex, Natalia—a death doula—at a living funeral that we attended after a guy crashed into it with his car. And right at the time I was trying to convince her that my life wasn’t as complicated as it seemed, she walked in here just as I was delivering Kameron and Connor’s baby on my sofa.”
Tommy grimaced somewhat and looked down at the couch which made Buck laugh.
“Don’t worry it wasn’t this sofa—this was the replacement. Actually that sofa was the one my parents had bought me after the lightning strike—which they totally did out of guilt, I’m certain— because my ex before that, Taylor, had moved out taking her sofa with her. It’s a whole sofa thing.” He waved his hand at the last part.
“I.. literally have no idea what to say to all of that.”
“There’s one more thing.”
“There’s more?!” Tommy was sure he was having palpitations just listening to Evan’s life!
“The day Kameron gave birth was the day after that bridge collapse we all got caught up in.”
Tommy opened his mouth multiple times and closed it every time. He was considered somewhat of a quiet man but that was because he only really said what he wanted to say. Tommy had never been this lost for words.
“Natalia was right in the end—my life is complicated. Well, it was. It seems to have qu-“ he stopped himself from finishing the word. He may be at home, far away from the station and not on shift but he was not going to take the chance. “It seems to have eased off. Somewhat.”
“I fucking hope so, Evan. Jesus!”
Something shifted in Bucks lower belly again at the sound of Tommy swearing. Which was utterly ridiculous! Buck wasn’t a child; swearing was around him all the time and came from his own mouth frequently but Tommy saying fuck.. he kind of wanted to hear it again.
“I have a question.” Tommy asked.
“Okay.”
“What the hell is a death doula?” He asked and Buck laughed.
“It’s someone who helps those who are terminally ill to come to terms with their imminent mortality and guides them through it til the end.” He explained.
“Wow. That’s actually kind of noble.”
“Yeah.” Buck agreed but here was something in his tone that Tommy sensed.
“But..?”
“Look, I admired what she did, truly. But.. she was obsessed with death. Not, like, in a emo kinda way, but more that she was fascinated by what it would be like to experience.”
“She sounds like she might have needed professional help, Evan.”
“No, no. I’m explaining it wrong. She didn’t want to die. Nothing like that. More that, she saw death as something that was as beautiful as life and wanted to know more what about the experience was like from people who’d been through it. Sort of.”
“And you dying from the lightning strike..”
“..was what attracted her to me. It was basically all she ever wanted to talk about. I was more focused on the fact that I was alive.”
“I have another question.” Tommy said.
Buck felt warm inside. And it wasn’t the wine. He couldn’t remember ever spending time with someone who was actually interested in his life. Most people either thought it was too much (Ali) or they were turned on by the action (Taylor)—Tommy was actually interested in hearing his stories and not doing so out of politeness.
He liked Tommy. Maybe more than he should.
“Go for it.”
“Hold that thought.” Tommy got from the sofa and made his way to the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Buck asked.
“Foraging snacks for us.” He replied over his shoulder.
“Oh, I’ll get those, you’re a gue-“
“Sit. Your ass. Down. Buckley.” Tommy said firmly, with a hint of softness. Buck stopped still. Tommy hadn’t even turned around; still piling things on plates with his back to Buck “You did all of this-“ gestured to the decorations around the place “and have been wonderful company this evening—it’s time the host got some equal treatment. So sit your ass down and let me serve you.”
Okay that was fucking hot. No way in hell Buck could deny that. He could try but the twitching in his underwear was a dead giveaway. He quickly adjusted himself and sat back down without a word.
Tommy was trying to fit as many carb-filled things onto the plates as possible in a bid to soak up some of the wine. He wasn’t drunk—he’d had 1 bottle of beer and 2 glasses of red wine—but he knew himself well enough that he needed to sober up just a touch before- Actually he wasn’t sure. He was absolutely mesmerised by Evan there was no doubt about that. The man made him feel like a giggling teenager and he was using every ounce of his inner strength to come across a lot cooler that than.
He wasn’t putting on an act—far from it, but he knew his resolve would weaken with more alcohol in his system; knew that his inhibitions were often diluted somewhat by the presence of alcohol which sometimes led to making decisions that weren’t always the best.
Because the problem here, really, was that he still wasn’t entirely sure of the vibe Evan was giving off. Was he into Tommy? He wasn’t repulsed by Tommy’s flirty comments or looks, and Tommy was sort of sure, on a number of occasions, that Evan was flirting back. The smirks, the head tilts the tone of his voice… He was flirting. Maybe.
Or maybe it was the wine swilling around Tommys head that was interpreting it as flirting?
And that was the other thing: Tommy had been out a long time, dated enough people that he was a pretty fucking excellent people reader; almost entirely accurate in gauging someone’s interest. In either him specifically, or men in general.
But Evan? Tommy was enamoured by the man enough that his own antennae for this shit wasn’t working correctly.
Or maybe it was the wine.
Or the beautiful firefighter waiting for him on the couch, who was probably starving to death while Tommy was having an aneurysm in his kitchen!
He composed himself (outwardly—his heart was bouncing around his chest like a fucking pinball machine) and carried two plates of cakes, cookies, finger sandwiches, chips and dips back to the sofa, placing them onto the coffee table.
Buck was sitting with his legs tucked under criss-crossed on one end of the sofa and when Tommy sat down he sat closer to Buck than before.
It just made sense so that the food platter was within reach to both of them, okay?
“So what was your question?” Buck asked before biting into a cupcake. He was desperate to shove the whole thing in his mouth but he was trying to have at least some decorum!
“You said you had a tracheotomy on a first date?”
“Mhmm” He hummed in response as he swallowed the last of the cupcake. “Choked on a piece of bread in the middle of a fancy restaurant. My date, Abby, had to do the trach with a steak knife.” Buck out his hand up to stop Tommy from reacting. “She was a dispatcher, so not exactly a civilian and she had a paramedic on the phone.”
“Still, on your first date? That’s gotta be a relationship killer, surely? I mean no offence.” He held his hands up.
“Uh, no we dated for a few months after that. She was, uh, my first serious relationship, actually.”
“What happened?”
“Her mom died. She was a bit older than me, and was taking care of her mom due to her Alzheimer’s. Which I super admired about her—she never complained about and I saw how hard it was for her. But, yeah, she died and Abby felt like the only way to honor her mom was to go travelling; have an Eat, Pray, Love experience. Except she never came back. I waited for months, literally living in her apartment. I felt like an idiot by the end.”
Buck bowed his head to hide his shame. He was better man for it in the long run; being with Abby taught him a lot about relationships and what he wanted, but it still embarrassed him thinking about how deluded he was for believing she would come back.
“Okay, you were not an idiot, Evan.” Tommy said softly, placing his hand on Bucks knee. Buck felt a flush of heat travel from his knee into his stomach, then explode out and around his entire body. He looked up to see Tommy looking gently at him.
“Wanting to believe that the person you cared about wanted to come home to you is a lovely thing. It’s nothing to be shamed of.”
Tommy had known Buck all of 2 hours and he couldn’t possibly conceive how somebody wouldn’t want to come back this beautiful and unimaginably charming man.
“Thank you for saying that. Everybody else just told me that I was basically an idiot for hanging around and waiting.”
“Well, fuck them—they were wrong.”
Buck laughed loudly at Tommy’s, albeit sweary, candour. Although the swearing was, as predicted, doing something for him. He put his wine glass down and picked up a small cheese sandwich—if he had food in his mouth he couldn’t say something embarrassing.
“How about you?” He said finished the last bite. “Who was your first love?”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Declan Bridger. High school quarterback. In a tale as old as queer teen movie time, we kissed and.. other stuff, in the, quite literal, closet at school. He promised me we wouldn’t be a secret forever etcetera etcetera.. I’m sure you can guess the outcome.”
“Ooh ooh, uh.. he didn’t come out of the figurative closet and took Buffy Smith or Candice McGregor or, or.. I can’t think of other prom queen names-“ Tommy couldn’t help but be totally enamoured by Evan’s ridiculousness “-but whatever—he took them to the prom instead and pretended like you didn’t exist?”
“Actually I killed him. Run him over with my car.” Tommys face was deadpan as he spoke and Bucks face was awash with shock.
Tommy couldn’t hold it together long and burst out laughing. “Your face! Of course I didn’t kill him, Evan, and yes actually you are correct. Although minus 5 points because it was the Homecoming Dance.”
Buck laughed and shook his, leaning forward to shove Tommy. “You’re an asshole!”
Tommy grabbed Bucks arm as his hand made contact with Tommys chest, holding him there.
Suddenly Bucks face was inches from Tommy’s. He was immediately transfixed by Tommy’s eyes. They were a deeper blue than his own and utterly mesmerising. He hadn’t realised how long Tommy’s eyelashes were until he was this close. They were made to be the perfect shade of dark brown to make the blue in his eyes stand out.
And they stood out. Staring into Bucks. Buck couldn’t look away. He was utterly hypnotised. He could feel his heart rate increasing and his lungs battling just that little bit harder to contain oxygen.
He should probably sit back; move away from Tommy’s face. But he couldn’t. He was stuck. Stuck searching for something in Tommy’s eyes that even he himself couldn’t identify, with lungs that weren’t working as they should and skin that was thrumming tightly against his own muscles.
Then Tommy’s gaze drifted to Bucks lips and holy shit that felt- it was deep in his stomach; swirling and twisting and hot.
His mouth was dry. He hadn’t realised until he was involuntarily licking his lips in an effort to moisten it again.
Tommy was trying so fucking hard to resist. Using every bit of resolve he had left in his pathetic bones to not move; to not- Evan somehow seemed to be consuming him despite being inches away from him. He could somehow feel him under his skin, crawling over his bones and nestling somewhere deep and dark inside his chest.
Then Buck licked his lips.
Fuck.
The next sound heard was a whimper that came from Bucks throat as Tommy lips pressed firmly into his. It wasn’t hard—still on the side, okay maybe just over the line of, chaste. But something erupted inside of his stomach. Tendrils of hot fire shot out and soared through every cavity in his chest.
Buck thought his heart had actually stopped the second Tommy’s lips touched his. Is that what it was when people said their hearts “skipped a beat?”
Because that’s what it felt like; his heart being shocked like a patient getting defibrillator paddles to the chest. It was only maybe 2 seconds, the kiss, but it was enough, for a split second, to convince Buck he might actual go into full cardiac arrest. Again.
Tommy pulled away and, reminiscent of his first forays into the romantic world after he’d come out—at least, after he’d accepted in himself he was gay—he was terrified he’d fucked up.
Evan wasn’t shoving him back or walking away disgusted which was always a good sign, still—he kept his eyes closed for a second longer than he normally would out of fear of what he would see when he opened them.
Had he made a colossal fucking mistake?
He slowly opened his eyes to be met with Evan’s staring into his with an open mouth in, what could only be described as, wonderment.
Buck’s heart hadn’t stopped. Yet. Though it was threatening too if Tommy continued to look at him like that. How was Tommy looking at him like that?!
Tommy, who, by the things that Hen and Chim had said about him, and just by having his own eyeballs to look at the damn man in front of him, was the coolest man Buck had ever met.
He felt an element of inferiority and insecurity float up to the surface like a piece of seaweed rooted to the seabed, stretching upward, ebbing and flowing in the current.
Buck was an over sharer. A yapping, sometimes needy idiot, with abandonment issues, a visceral need to be liked, and an Olympic level ability to take on other people’s burdens despite logic often dictating that they weren’t his burdens to bare.
How the hell could Tommy—with his strong board shoulders, biceps that he could deliciously crush his head with (which perhaps might be something to speak to Doctor Copeland about in their next session), a cleft he wasn’t sure what he wanted to insert into more—his pinky or tongue, and those fucking ridiculously huge blue eyes that Buck wasn’t entirely sure couldn’t see through Bucks head to the back of his shirt collar—want Buck?!
Okay, this was something Tommy was well versed in—the look of a man having some kind of crisis after being kissed by him. Either a sexuality crisis or because of who Tommy was. Listen, Tommy was an exceptionally humble man—never a braggart or particularly egotistical, but he’d been with enough men, experienced enough men who put him on a pedestal that he could tell when they couldn’t quite believe that Tommy Kinard had kissed them.
Which, in all honesty, baffled Tommy. He was a 40 year old man, with a childhood full of trauma, a 10 year stint in the military that left him with some, at times, really fucking gnarly PTSD—both of which he was still unpacking in therapy; a house that, although he owned, was fixing up at a far slower rate than he had wanted, which continuously had it looking like a building site and not the most calming of spaces to come home to after a tough day work. He had a father he hadn’t spoken to for almost 10 years, a 1969 Plymouth Barracuda in his garage that he could never find the time to actually bring back to its former glory and a cat with an incontinence problem.
All in all, Tommy was not the man that so many others seemed to admire.
And yet.
Evan Buckley was looking at him as though Tommy had reached into his soul and rearranged the atoms that made up his whole self.
“Evan..” his voice came out croakier than he’d intended. Evan didn’t care.
“Do that again.” Buck said not taking his eyes from Tommy’s.
“Are you-“
“Kiss me.” His eyes finally moved away from Tommys eyes down to his lips.
This time Tommy slid his hand along Bucks jaw; his thumb resting on the hinge. Bucks hand came to meet it and gently hovered over the top of Tommy’s as Tommy slowly and softly pressed his lips into Bucks once again.
Buck wanted to cry. He didn’t know why—that was something he’d figure out later—but all he felt was the surge of so many emotions all at once shooting through every synapse in his brain. They were seeping out of his pours, flying around the room and wrapping around him tightly. They were overwhelming, but in a way that he didn’t want them to go away.
Tommys mouth opened and Bucks automatically followed suit. At the first touch of Tommy’s tongue against his he thanked god they weren’t standing up because his whole body would have collapsed.
He could taste the wine on Tommy’s tongue and surprisingly that made his entire being vibrate. He pushed into the kiss, causing Tommy to push out a breathy sound from his nose which Buck would later realise made him feel a sense of pride.
He hands gripped onto Tommys T-shirt and pulled him into his body more. Tommy went willingly and before either of them realised Buck was flat on his back with Tommy situated between his legs.
Buck felt pinned to the sofa and suddenly a brand new turn on lit up his entire brain—and groin—like a fucking Christmas tree.
Buck had only ever been with women—every one of them half his size or smaller. He’d always held back with them physically out of fear of hurting them, even when they begged him for more. But, with a man who was a little bigger than himself on top of him, he got it.
The feeling of being caged in by someone who all encompassing with height, weight and presence had a comforting air to it. He felt safe. That was the turn on.
Tommy kept a hand on Bucks face, continuing to kiss him deeply as his other hand snaked around Bucks waist to the small of his back in an attempt to pull Buck closer to him, despite there not being any space left between them.
As he did so his clothed erection pushed up against Bucks inside his own jeans and the grunt that came from Bucks mouth shocked Buck but made Tommy concerned he that he himself wouldn’t last any longer if Evan made that sound again.
Buck had no idea just how fucking spectacular it would be to feel another man’s hard on against his own. Especially one that he was responsible for. Turning a guy like Tommy on made Bucks feel amazing.
Buck held Tommy’s neck as their lips moved in perfect sync with one another’s. He tilted his head up slightly to guide Tommys lips down his neck and Tommy happily obliged. The sting of Tommy’s stubble scratching at his hot skin immediately relieved by the wetness of his lips on his neck was wondrous.
He was involuntarily bucking his hips up into Tommy’s who was eagerly reciprocating. Buck could feel Tommys breathy groans along his neck and Jesus it was hot!
Another thrust down from Tommy and Bucks leg shot out and his foot hit back of the sofa. Suddenly aware that this sofa wasn’t exactly built for two grown, heavily built men to be fooling around, he decided that they should probably move.
“Toh-Tommy..?” He tried to get out but was struggling to speak.
Tommy immediately stopped and lifted his head to look down at him. His face was filled with concern and for the first time Buck actually thought Tommy the adorable one.
“Do you want to stop? It’s okay if-“
Buck lifted his head and shut him up with a quick breathy kiss before releasing him.
“Actually I was, uh.. I was going to suggest, uh.. going upstairs? Probably be a bit more comfortable.”
Tommy analysed him for a moment before responding.
“Are you sure?”
Buck smiled softly up at him and something unidentifiable unlocked in Tommy’s chest. “Yes. I’m sure.”
Listen, Tommy was impressed with the effort Evan had gone to with decorating for his party, but he secretly thanked God that he hadn’t put any up in his bedroom.
It meant that when he led Evan by his hand through the apartment and up the stairs, Buck switching off the lights as they went, Halloween was non-existent in that moment.
It was just him and Evan.
For the first time in a long time Tommy was nervous. He knew his way around a bedroom that was for sure but there was something delicate about Evan. A softness to him that Tommy wanted to protect.
Most of Tommy’s sexual escapades were a form of mutually consenting ‘wham, bam, thank you, sir’—each got off, usually to never see each other again, occasionally an additional hookup or two of it was good enough.
Tommy had no clue what this was with Evan but he definitely knew it was more than that.
Buck turned on the small lamp the that was opposite the bed that casted them both in a subtle warm glow. Enough light they could see each other but low enough for the mood.
Tommy moved first and reached out taking Buck gently by the sides of his face and kissing him softly. Buck planted his hands on Tommy’s elbows and hummed into the wonderful way Tommy kissed him. After a minute or so Tommy pulled away.
“Evan, I need to ask you something before we do anything, here.”
“Okay.” Buck replied.
“Have you.. Am I the first man you’ve been with?”
Buck took a deep breath and answered honestly, though nervously. “Yeah.” His voice had subtle shake to it. “Is that.. is that okay?”
Tommy softly smiled at him. “Yes.” He said an saw Bucks body visibly relax a little. “But.. I’m going to need to know if you’re not okay. I-“
“I promise I’m okay, Tom-“
Tommy gently planted his hand on Bucks chest over his heart to stop him talking.
“Evan, this is important. My first few times I.. they weren’t enjoyable for me. And I never want to make you feel the way that I was made to feel. So, I need you to make a promise to me—that at any moment you feel uncomfortable in any way, that you’ll tell me and I’ll stop; we’ll stop. No questions asked, no explanation needed. Can you do that for me?”
Buck nodded. “I promise. An-and you, too, right? Like, if you want to stop you have to tell me too. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable either.”
A subtle ball of emotion lodged itself in Tommy’s throat. He hadn’t expected Evan to make sure the he was comfortable, too. He was so fondly looking at him that Tommy, for a split second, had the terrifying thought that he could easily fall in love with that look.
“Can I.. can I tell you something?” Buck asked quietly in the almost darkened room.
“You can tell me anything, Evan.” He fixed an errant curl that had fallen onto his forehead.
“It’s just, I, uh.. I figured it’s something you should know, so-so that you’re comfortable, an-and I’m not entirely sure when to bring it up. Like now or in..” he gestured to the bed. They were still standing in the middle of Bucks bedroom, fully clothed, arms around each other.
Buck knew what he wanted to say but wasn’t remotely sure how to say it so it wouldnt sound crass or- he wanted it to sound- not romantic—that was the wrong word, but not weird or clinical.
Tommy smiled at the look on Evan’s face that clearly gave away the inner debate he was having with himself.
“What?”
“You’re just really adorable when you’re fighting yourself.”
“How did you-“
“Your face is quite loud, Evan.” Tommy told him and he dipped his head in embarrassment. Tommy pressed two fingers gently under his chin and tilted his head back up.
“Whatever it is—you can tell me. I promise.”
Buck took a breath. “So, I haven’t been with-with an actual man before but.. I’ve done a lot of stuff with my exes and.. one of them was pretty, uh.. pretty into.. pegging.”
“Why were you nervous to tell me that?” He presses a quick kiss to Bucks lips.
“My last ex, she wasn’t into it, which was fine—I never would have wanted her to do it if she wasn’t totally on board. But it was the way she dismissed the idea. She-“
“Made you feel bad about likening it?” Tommy finished for him and part of him wanted to find this ex and tell her she fumbled big time with Evan.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry she made you feel bad, Evan. You didn’t deserve that.” He kissed his birth mark and Buck realised something.
Nobody had ever done that before. It wasn’t that anybody he dated or hooked up ever had an issue with it. Barring the initial question they’d ask about what it was when they first met, they’d pretty much ignore its existence from then on. None of them—not a single one—had made a point of treating it like a delicate part of him.
“You’re the, uh.. you’re first person to do that.” He told Tommy.
“Do what?”
“Kiss my birthmark. Everyone has only ever ignored it, which is totally fine, really—but nobody has ever, I dunno, paid it attention in an.. affectionate kind of way.”
God, Tommy could really fall in love with this fucking man.
He didn’t respond verbally—he placed multiple gentle kisses to the mark on his forehead.
Buck leaned his body into Tommys; his arms holding onto his shoulders from behind. These feelings that were bubbling and swarming and fizzing around his body were doing so, so intensely that Buck gripped onto Tommy like an anchor.
The kissed slowly came down his temple, across his cheek bone, the side of his nose and eventually, finally his lips.
Bucks mouth opened immediately to let Tommy explore it. He was so perfect in the execution of movements with his tongue; as though he’d had a blueprint of Bucks mouth beforehand that he’d studied. He absolutely knew what he was doing and Buck would happily surrender himself entirely to him.
Tommy gently tugged at the buttons of Bucks shirt. “Is it okay if I take this off?” Buck nodded not being able to move his gaze from Tommys lips.
They were fucking exquisite. The right amount of fullness, unbelievable soft and Tommy absolutely knew how to use them.
Evan’s lips were hands down the best Tommy had ever seen, let alone tasted. They were so pink and full and soft and he had to hold himself back from sucking on the bottom one. Maybe even bite it.
Evan kissed him like Tommy was providing him his last breath on earth. He’d never been kissed like that before. For a long time Tommy actually didn’t think he was in to kissing; just a means to an end to get to the final destination of a hook up.
Oh, but the moment he felt Evan’s lips on his he was a goner. He never knew kissing could feel this way—like its own form of intimate communication. The ebb and flow of delicate and firm, the subtle wetness, and the taste.. Death row last meal worthy.
He dropped Bucks shirt to the ground, ran his hands down his chest , then around his waist; splaying his hands on the centre of Bucks back holding body to him.
His skin was remarkably soft and a patch of chest hair sat in the centre of us chest, delicately travelling upwards and settling into the nape of his neck. Tattoos were dotted around his torso and he made a mental note to ask about them later.
Goosebumps exploded in a trail along Bucks skin everywhere Tommy’s hands touched. There was something about having large, slightly calloused, hands touching him that made every tiny hair that decorated his skin stand up.
He took the initiative and pulled at the hem of Tommys shirt seeking permission to remove it and he gave it with a nod. He quickly removed it from Tommys body and immediately was overwhelmed with another new want when he saw the dark chest hair Tommy had caressing his chest.
He ran his hands up through the hair and his fingers tickled as the hairs skimmed his skin. His arms settled around his neck as he pushed his mouth into Tommy’s harder than before. But it was still slow and unrelentingly passionate.
Tommy’s fingers danced along the edges of Bucks jeans until they reached his belt buckle. “Can I?” He whispered against Bucks lips.
“Y-yes.” Was the reply. Tommy tried to unhook the large round metal buckle but was struggling. He felt Buck smile against his lips before disentangling their them and giving him a helpful hand.
“Can fly a helicopter in a fire but can’t undo a belt buckled? Shocking.” He teased, pulling the buckle to one side and then the other and it clicked open
“Shut up.” Tommy threw back with smile before devouring Bucks neck again. Buck immediately lost his smile as a wave of heat shot through him down to the edge of his toes feeling Tommys mouth gently sucking and kissing along his pulse point. His hands were quick and deft as they unbuttoned and unzipped Bucks jeans, gently pushing them down as far as he could reach without bending down.
Buck shook his lower body allowing them to fall to the ground and he stepped out of them. His hands grasped at Tommy’s belt and unbuckled it.
“Easy when it’s normal belt, isn’t it?” Tommy teased this time.
“You shut up.” Buck grinned undoing and pushing Tommys jeans down. Tommy did the same and shucked them off. Their bodies collided again, this time with them only wearing thin boxer briefs that left absolutely nothing to the imagination in terms of what Buck felt against him.
Tommy held their bodies together as he guided Buck to the bed. Tommy laid down first, pulling Buck on top of him and kissing him again.
He couldn’t get enough of kissing Evan. The taste of his mouth mixed with the taste of wine was driving him heaven and back.
Buck was experiencing a new sensation of being able to lower his entire body weight onto someone without fear of crushing them. He’d always had to hold himself up with his previous partners—he had the upper body strength to do so it wasn’t exactly a chore. But to be able to full let go and allow himself to relax his body onto someone felt amazing.
Tommys hands were exploring every inch of Evan’s body he could get his hands on. His fingertips tracing the shape of Evan’s muscles along his back as his upper body moved. Slowly he made his way to Evan’s ass and cupped it gently at first but when Evan responded my pushing his hips down into Tommy’s, Tommy grabbed it harder and the whine that came from Evan’s throat was beautiful.
Buck couldn’t help but slide his hips back and forth chasing the glorious friction of their cocks rubbing together. Never in his life had he imagined just how fucking good that would feel. He moaned and whined into Tommys jaw and down his neck as he kissed and sucked his way along to Tommys collar bone.
There he discovered a sensitive spot of Tommy’s and his cock somehow got harder hearing Tommy moan loudly as he sucked against the skin. Suddenly Tommy hands gripped his back tightly and before Buck even knew what was happening, he’d flipped over and Tommy now lay on top of Buck.
And oh holy mother of- oh my god to be manhandled like that was fucking transformative!
“Holy shit.” Buck uttered to a satisfied Tommy.
“You liked that?” He whispered into the skin Bucks jaw as he kissed along it.
“Mhmm.” Was all Buck could get out because a hand of Tommys was stroking down his waist to the waistband of his underwear. He slid his hand under the thin fabric at Bucks hips and moved around to the back. Buck lifted his hip up to allow Tommy the space to fully get in there and grab Bucks ass.
Evan’s ass was magnificent. Round and pert and firm, with enough body fat to dig his fingers into the meat. There was a thin layer of hair across his cheeks which Tommy had always had a thing for.
“Aah.” Grunted Buck as Tommy pushed his hips down harder into Bucks. They rutted rhythmically together, both panting and grunting into each other’s mouths.
It was Bucks turn to slide his hand down into the back of Tommy’s underwear. His fingers kneaded at the soft and firm flesh of Tommy ass and he had the fleeting thought of what it would feel like to bite it.
“Fuh-huck, Tommy..” Bucks words caught in his throat. The heat of pleasure swirling more and more violently in his stomach threatening to overwhelm him. But he couldn’t stop; didn’t want to. He wanted more; needed more.
“What, ahh.. do you.. want?” Tommy’s voice was gravelled and throaty. Evan was taking over every brain cell he had. He could barely concentrate on speaking. The thought of consuming Evan; being consumed by him was the only thought in his mind.
“Everything.” Bucks said plainly, grabbing Tommy face with both hands and kissing him deeply. “You.” He kissed him again. “All.. all of it.”
And he meant it. He wanted everything. He want to feel everything it was possible for a human to feel. His skin was humming on his bones, his blood fizzing at it shot through his veins at a remarkable speed and every second that went by that Tommy wasn’t taking him wholly felt wrong.
Tommy pushed back hard into the kiss and that beautiful whimper that he wanted to record and play on repeat came from Evan’s throat.
“I’ll give you everything you want sweetheart.” Tommy’s hoarse voice said into Bucks ear before he sucked his earlobe into his mouth.
“N-now..” Buck breathlessly uttered. “I need.. I need you now.”
Tommy kissed him again, scraping his teeth along Bucks bottom lip. He lifted his body from Bucks and leant on one forearm, not breaking the kiss as his hand painfully slowly slid down Bucks chest and torso until it met his underwear. He patted Bucks hip and Buck knew what he needed immediately and lifted up his hips to allow Tommy to pull his boxers down.
Tommy couldn’t help but break the kiss to get sight of Evan as he unveiled his cock and fucking wow it was beautiful. As long as his own, and a touch thinner, it was beautifully shaped, with a swollen pink head leaking desperately with pre come.
His mouth filled with saliva at the thought of tasting it. And touching it. And feeling it inside of him.
Buck’s legs jerked underneath Tommy as he tried to remove his socks with his feet. Tommy couldn’t help but laugh as he watching get frustrated.
“I got you.” He said reaching down and removing them for him.
“A gentleman.” Buck said with a smile as Tommy removed his own and climbed back up Buck’s body.
“It’s been said.” He smirked and went back into Bucks mouth for another taste of those heavenly lips. He felt a tap against his hip.
“You’ve forgotten something.” He mumbled against Tommy’s lips.
“My god you’re right!” He said and Buck laughed at his idiocy.
Tommy thought it was the most beautiful sound. It had been a long time since Tommy had felt this at relaxed with someone in bed. There was a wonderful ease to being around Evan. As though while they were together everything would be okay.
Tommy was secure in his body—proud, actually for all of the hard work he’d put in to build it into the strong and capable machine that it was. But when getting naked in front of a man for the first time there was always first-night jitters. A little bubbling of insecurity making its way to the surface when another man’s eyes met his naked form.
But with Evan there was no insecurity. No nerves or worry or negative self talk about his abilities.
Evan, naked and raw, lying underneath him, looking at him with those gorgeous blue eyes eradicated any potential for negative self talk.
Something was flittering about in his chest cavity trying to make a home. It was familiar enough that there was a vague idea in the back of his head of what it was. But the possibility of which was far too much to even think about figuring out right now.
Tommy tipped over to lie on his side and pulled Evan into him. Arms and legs tangled together as once again their mouths met with hasty exploration.
“Can.. I touch you?” Buck asked between breathy kisses.
“Uh-huh.” Tommy replied going in for Bucks throat again.
Bucks hand made its way slowly down Tommys body and a thrum of anticipation and nerves went through him.
He’d never held a cock other than his own. It seemed ridiculous to think he wouldn’t have any clue what to do with one—it was all the same basic hand movements, save for personal tastes.
He lightly closed his hand around Tommy cock and held it there for a second, allowing the new feeling to settle. The skin was velvety smooth and hot. Tommy let out a forceful breath as Bucks hand made contact, which Buck couldn’t lie—did stroke his ego a little and lessen the nerves he was feeling.
Once Buck was ready he began slowly sliding his hand up along Tommy. He decided the the best course of action was to do what he liked and gauge Tommys reactions. When he got to the top he gently ran his thumb over the head and collected the dribble of pre come that had leaked out.
Tommy sucked in a breath again and Buck felt a surge of confidence within him. Without second guessing himself he raised his thumb to his mouth to taste it.
It wasn’t 5 star dining, sure but it wasn’t offensive—Warm and a little salty.
“Fuck.” Tommy couldn’t help but exclaim as he watched Buck do something that fucking hot.
Evan’s lack of inhibition to exploring a man for the first time left Tommy feeling- His own first experiences with men had him making very tentative movements and needing constant reassurance that what he was doing was good. He never would have just explored so openly, out of fear he’d be laughed at.
But here was Evan—open and bold and not afraid to try something. Tommy was in awe.
“Can I touch you?” He asked.
“God, yes.” Buck whined desperately.
Buck had experienced an unknown number of hand jobs but nothing compared to the feeling of hand the size of Tommy’s wrapped around his dick. Something white hot shot through him leaving a shiver in his wake.
His hand was hot and surprisingly soft for a firefighter. Buck was leaking terribly—he always did and When Tommys hand met the thick liquid at the top and slid it down Bucks shaft adding wetness to the sensation, there was a brief moment of fear in his mind that he would come far too soon.
Quickly, they found a matching rhythm. Grunts and pants filled the room, stifled by more kissing that neither could get enough of. Both bucking their hips into the other’s hand.
“Ahh.. god, Tom-Tommy..”
“Evan.”
Never had his name been so beautifully spoken. His name being a bone of contention with his parents for so many years, Buck had never thought he’d be happy hearing it. But being breathed into the air by Tommy it felt like- Never had his name been said with an almost religious-like vigour. As though his name were a prayer; spoken in an act of devotion.
He needed to hear it again. And again.
He gripped Tommy’s cock tighter and moved his hand faster. He felt it twitch and throb in his hand in response.
“Fuck, Evan!” Tommy called out loudly with a forceful breath before he shifted up, nudging Buck onto his back and climbing on top.
Tommy wrapped his large hand around both of there cocks and quickly found the same fast rhythm as before.
“Oh my god!” Buck cried at the sensation. The skin on skin contact, the sticky liquid releasing from both of their holes mixing together and coating them both, the grip Tommy had.. Buck was dizzy.
He’d never felt this level of pleasure and wondered if any person had felt something this fucking incredible before. They couldn’t have—a human body could not withstand this for long and oh god he was so fucking close. Almost painfully.
That familiar heat began rising from his lower body, drawing his balls up with it. Rolling and rolling, burning and burning.. He might break apart; his body exploding leaving nothing but stardust behind.
“Ah, Tommy, I’m.. god I’m.. so cl-clo…” his words stuck in his throat, raw from hard breaths being forced through it.
“Me too.. I.. I need to fe-feel you, Evan..” Tommy struggled to get the words out. “..feel you come.”
Buck had never been with a sexual partner whose words alone could have such an effect. The edge of the cliff he was dangerously hanging over was beginning to crumble. His muscles began to tense; his legs kicking out and fingers gripping any part of Tommys body he could find to hold on to as that unmistakeable heat drew closer and closer.
“I can’t.. I.. it’s.” He was babbling. His brain offline; he couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, could barely breathe.
A freight train hit him at a 1000mph sending him flying through the air and over the cliff.
The sound that came from his throat was unlike anything he’d ever emitted before. Raw and guttural; almost animalistic. Hot ropes of himself coated and coated his chest.
Less than half a second of hearing that sound from Evan sent Tommy chasing him over the same cliff.
“Evan!” He cried out for the last time and his own come shot out at a speed he’d never experienced before. He kept going and going and while his hand kept the pace to milk them both of every last drop, he wondered if it would ever stop!
Vibration after vibration rocked Buck’s entire body. Every vein pulsated, every organ shook in his place. He’d never felt such an intense feeling and as his cock stopped releasing, the fog that had devoured him began to lift and every emotion he’d been feeling over the last hour hit him all at once and he had no chance of stopping it.
His eyes filled with tears as he tried his hardest to resist his face from scrunching up. Tommy immediately noticed and let go of them both, falling to the side of Evan and holding his face in the palm of his hand.
“Evan? What wrong?”
Buck struggled to find the words for a moment. Like a bag of scrabble tiles all mixed up, no combination of letters made coherent sense.
He reached out to grab Tommy; anywhere really, he didn’t care—he needed an anchor to stop him floating away. His hand landed on Tommys shoulder and he gripped his fingers into the flesh.
Tommy quickly understood the situation at hand. This was overwhelm. All the new feelings and sensations Evan had experienced, was experiencing were happening so rapidly and so unexpectedly that they had no way to release other than by crying.
He shifted up the bed and slid an arm behind neck and rested his cheek on the top of his head, slowly and gently rubbing a thumb along Bucks cheek.
“You’re okay. I got you, Evan. I got you.”
They laid there in relative silence for a time longer than either of them knew. Or cared to know.
Buck continued to hold on to Tommy as though he would somehow drown if he let go, and Tommy every so often would press light kisses into his hair.
Eventually, the world around Buck came back to him and he reached his hand up to find Tommys face and just press his hand against it.
“How are you feeling?” Tommy whispered into his hair.
“I’ll get back to you on that.” He replied with a soft laugh.
“But are you okay?” Tommy asked. Buck moved his head from under Tommy’s, tipping it backwards to look at him.
God that face. Those eyes so softly and fondly looking down at him made his heart break open and something soft and warm crawl out.
“Perfect.” He hardened his hold on Tommys face and pulled him down into the a wondrously soft and beautiful kiss.
Eventually Tommy dragged himself from Evan’s face reluctantly and advised him to go and shower.
“If you want some sweats or something to wear they’re in the top drawer of my dresser.” Buck called out from the bathroom. Tommy was grateful as he really didn’t want to put his jeans back on.
This whole night had been- well, bizarre. He felt it in the best way possible, of course but let’s face it there was no way in hell he could have predicted that after being convinced to come to a Halloween party with a colleague that he’d not only end up in bed with the host, but he’d also be the cause of someone’s sexual awakening.
But Evan wasn’t the only one having a revelatory moment—Tommy was experiencing some potentially big ass feelings of his own.
He took a pair of grey sweatpants from the drawer and slid them on and chuckled to himself at the bare ankles sticking out of the bottom. In the speed with which things had happened between them he hadn’t really noticed how long Evan’s legs were.
He walked down the stairs and switched on the light—nearly shitting himself when the face of a withered prop corpse in a cowboy hat and shirt appeared inches from his face.
He picked up the plates of food they had been eating before from the table and added a couple of more cupcakes and other snacks to it, before getting 2 bottles of water from the fridge and taking them upstairs, grabbing their phones on the way.
He’d guessed correctly that the door on the left at the top of the stairs was a linen closet and he rummaged around until he found some fresh bedsheet and pillow covers. Though most of their bodily fluids had landed directly on Evan, a bit had spilled onto the sheets, plus their collective sweat meant that clean sheets were definitely needed.
Buck stared at himself in the bathroom mirror after getting out of the shower. He’d subconsciously found himself gently palming his stomach where they had both ejaculated. His eyes found their way back to his own in the reflection and he half expected to see something different staring back at him.
Instead, was the same old Buck looking at him. Hair still curling in the same way it did when it was wet, same two flashes of pink decorating above and below his left eyebrow, the same tattoos drawn across his skin, same arms, same hands—same everything.
But he wasn’t the same. Not on the inside. Something was blown open deep inside his being. Something that he certainly felt but couldn’t articulate to himself what it was.
He’d been intimate with a man and it was so vastly, and unbelievably different to any other sexual experience he’d had before. Trying something new was something he always enjoyed doing—experimenting was fun. But this wasn’t that. This didn’t feel anything like an experiment; a thing you see or hear or read about and think “that looks fun”. No, this was nothing like that at all—this was deeper. More raw and real.
He felt as though a release had happened somewhere within him. In a location that he didn’t know about, and in a part of him that he was unfamiliar with, but definitely noticed the difference now that the cap had been loosened.
And Tommy. Tommy was.. There were some real emotions and feelings still swarming inside of Buck, and they were moving so fast under his skin that it was hard to pin point what they were. But they didn’t feel alien or wrong. They felt somehow right; like they were supposed to be there. Like a space had already been carved out at birth just waiting there the whole time for them to find and settle warmly in to.
He ran a towel over his body and through his hair quickly before throwing on some fresh underwear and sweats. He opened the bathroom door and immediately swore at himself for buying that stupid fake corpse, when he’d came face to face with it after forgetting it was hanging on the wall.
He stood at the bottom of the stairs for a moment to take a few breaths. He didn’t know what to expect when he returned to his bedroom. Was Tommy going to be putting his clothes back on ready to leave? Was he regretting what had just happened and trying to find the right words to let him down gently?
He took a last deep breath and finally walked upstairs.
The sight in front of him as he rounded the top almost pulled his lungs straight through his chest wall.
Tommy, in just Bucks sweats, leaning against his headboard with an arm behind his head and scrolling his phone with the other hand. A platter of food had been placed on the dresser and his phone and a bottle of water were on the nightstand.
Tommy looked up and his face scrunched into a beautiful smile as Bucks eyes met his.
“Hey.” He said softly; warmly.
“Hi.” Buck answered back, willing his legs to move.
Tommy was fucking mesmerising.
“I hope you don’t have a no eating in bed rule.” He pointed to the platter. Honestly, even if Buck did have that as a rule, Tommy could eat a 6 course meal in his bed if he’d like if he was going to look like that when he did.
“Uh, no. No eating rules.” He said. “I actually eat in here quite-“ he stopped himself as his eye caught the white pile on top of his laundry basket. “Did you.. did you change the sheets?”
“I hope that was okay? We made a bit of a mess.”
“You-you didn’t have to do that, Tommy. You’re a guest.” Buck argued softly as he walked over and sat on the bed.
“Hey I made part of that mess so it was the least I could do. And I really didn’t mind.”
Buck was reminded of what Doctor Copeland has said a few sessions ago about how he needed to allow people to do nice things for him and not immediately feel guilty or that a debt was owed—if Buck could happily and easily do nice things for others without reciprocation that it was perfectly reasonable that others could want to do the same.
“Thank you, Tommy.”
“You’re welcome.” Tommy said back with another one of those smiles that Buck was sure might actually kill him. Tommy’s eyes lingered on him for a moment before his spoke again. “Can I kiss you?”
Buck felt that low heat in his belly once more at the thought of kissing Tommy again and instead of answering, just leaned forward and kissed him.
Tommy ran his hands through Buck damp curls while his lips moved gently in sync with Bucks and their bodies naturally slid further down the bed until Buck was on his back and Tommy was half across him worshipping his mouth with his own.
As he pulled his head back and looked down at Evan—still looking at Tommy as though he were God—he had a sudden and startlingly clear revelation.
He was falling in love.