Chapter Text
Sasori knew it would hurt, but didn’t expect it to hurt this much.
But it did.
Hurt.
A lot.
It took him years to perfect the method of transformation, long years filled with hard work, researching, and failures, till he could run the last tests and say he’s ready to leave the past behind and start anew.
Even though he took every possible chance for failure into account, he was aware that nothing can be hundred percent safe, and the risk of falling is slim but never zero.
There’s still a chance that his body, his fragile, imperfect human body couldn’t take the strain, but it’s a risk he was willing to take, he waited too long for this moment, sacrificed so much.
Mother and Father were standing by each side of the table where his new body was placed, keeping guard in the most vulnerable moment of his life.
Sasori brushed the long, brown strands of his mother back and his hand lingered on her wooden face before he retreated.
"Wish me luck!" He whispered, and stepped back, ready at last.
With the body prepared and the potions in use all he needed was blood; he refused to use any different than his own. Sasori drew the runes with blood on his new, still unmoving form, and poured as much chakra as he could into the jutsu he invented only for this sole purpose, and as the marks lit up – angry, fiery red – he knew he’s past the point of no return.
Leaving no place for doubt, he closed his eyes and finished the jutsu with slightly trembling fingers.
There was a moment of silence before the pain attacked.
When it arrived, it was too late to ponder whether his human body would endure or not.
Sasori was in agony, and he couldn’t do anything to make it stop.
There are no words in any language humankind had been speaking since the beginning of times for the suffering he was pushed into. The closest that could describe what he was going through would be being ripped out and torn apart. His life thrown into the hands of Fate and Unknown, all he could do was to let them in, to offer everything his lonely being had, the very last drop of chakra and flutter in heart.
Then, the transformation began and the pain multiplied.
That was the moment Sasori started to suspect he wouldn’t make it in the end. Consciousness split between his „old” body and his „new”, – the strangest he had ever been - at the same time he could see both, wood and flesh on cold stone, then something dark gripped his heart and forced it to stop.
The marks on his new body shined up blue, just like the skies at spring, or his eyes, young, fearless, beautiful eyes...then everything faded into black.
Here, in the Nothing failure didn’t matter anymore.
For the first time ever since he was born, painless in Death, Sasori felt free.
"Not yet."
The voice that called out to him was so dear and familiar, - her voice he yearned for all of his life - strong enough to chase the darkness away, leaving him floating in pure, timeless, eternal Light.
Mother was there, she pulled him into her arms and brushed his soft red strands back with a gentle hand, and in her embrace Sasori remembered love.
Mother smiled at him tenderly, a memory coming to life, and kissed his forehead.
"Wake up, my son."
Sasori came to himself reborn, and all of his senses returned and rushed him down at the same time.
His naked skin felt on fire, cold, unforgiving cold, and all over the burning marks, their blue flame dying out as his eyes started adjusting to the blinding light. The last of his remaining chakra sizzled in the air, then everything went silent with a dull thud, wooden shell hitting the ground.
Sasori felt his heart beating, and for the first time in forever, he drew air into his lungs.
The transformation was complete.
Success.
He felt like throwing up.
With muscles that refused to cooperate, he failed to push himself up, Sasori started heaving, but there was nothing his empty stomach could offer in exchange for temporary relief. All he could manage was lying there, and learning once again how to breathe properly without thought.
He felt broken, something that had been shattered and just put back together, wounds that no one else could see aching with the knowing: irreversible.
Sasori accepted that he had to wait, to be patient with himself till he adjusts to the change, with Mother’s warmth cradled in his newly beating heart. Cold, hungry and nauseous at the same time, but triumphant, with feelings and love rushing strong in new blood.
I’m alive!