Chapter Text
It had been a day and half of us sailing the blue in our separate boats. Luffy was eating and Zoro was sleeping as usual while Nami was looking over our map.
Ever since Orangetown, I found myself testing my devil fruit powers to see what else they did. I still didn't know what the heck it truly was but I think I'm getting somewhere.
After some careful deductions I summarized that all I need to do is ask Azul to do something and he'll do it. Though, there's not much I can ask a small blue flame to do in such a small boat.
If I burn down Nami's stolen vessel then I'm sure I'll get the same drowning treatment that Luffy got a while ago if by what she said when she saw me conjure one.
Besides Azul, I tested that move I did against Mohji and his big ass lion. Apparently I can make my body intangible but not my whole body yet, just segments.
“Oh my God, I'm basically Danny Phantom.” I jerked my head upwards in realization.
“Huh? I thought you were Rio?” Luffy said with his mouth full of apples.
“What? No, I was just-”
“There is absolutely no way we'll make it to the grandline in this condition.” Nami spoke over me.
“How rude.” I muttered, but not loud enough for her to hear me because she didn't sound very happy right now.
“You're right, we're gonna need more meat. Eating fruit all day is for the birds…and Rio.” He paused before saying my name.
“Hey! You try surviving on a tiny island with no fishing skill whatsover.” I point an accusing finger at the rubberman who just laughed at my reaction.
“Jokes aside, We'll also need more booze.” Nami clearly wasn't happy with Zoro’s answer if by the way she quickly threw an apple at him that Luffy immediately caught.
“Shut up, you boneheads! That's not what I mean. The Grandline's a dangerous place and we'll need more than beer and meat to survive there.”
“She's right.”
Everyone turns to look at me surprised.
“What? It's true. I know a good bit about the Grandline and let me tell you, it's a rough neighborhood.” I said off-handedly.
“At least one of you gets it.” She said pleasantly.
“I knew I was your favorite.” I hummed sweetly but then glared at Zoro for calling me a kiss ass.
“Don't push it.” Nami replied easily but continued, “We don't have a crew, proper equipment or a decent boat.”
“You're right, we'll need a cook and a musician.” Luffy said between mouthfuls.
“A musician? AHAHAHA.” Zoro couldn't contain himself.
“Hey, musicians are important. They improve moral. I for one am going to miss the music of my home.” Damn, no more Megan Thee Stallion, Rihanna and goddamit no more Bruno Mars.
“Wait, where exactly are you from-”
“Woah look, an island!” I thankfully dodged that bullet. I'm still debating whether to tell them that I'm from an alternate universe where they're just anime characters to me.
Maybe someday when there's more of us so I don't have to tell the truth so many times. That'd be dangerous and earn me a one way ticket to Impel ‘you're never getting out alive’ Down.
We come ashore in groans and stretches. Being on a small boat for so long will give ya crick in the neck I tell ya.
“It's good to be on dry land again.”
“Wow, this village is hella small. I'll feel some guilt for robbing them more than the last one.” I sigh in fake pity.
“Cold-hearted bastard.” Luffy and Zoro narrow their eyes at me. I hear and see a few bushes moving, even though there's not that much wind.
“We're being watched.” Zoro’s hand gies to the hilt of his sword.
Oh Zoro, if you only knew how much of a none threat we’re going to face right now.
I conjure three Azuls discreetly and order them to go hide behind the vegetable trio.
My acitons had to come to a pause once I saw Luffy hopping around from being shot at with random ammo and Usopp’s many ‘pirate flags' coming out of the bushes.
“Hahaha! I am Captain Usopp, the one who reigns over this little island!” And there he was. The most realistic person in all of One Piece. Sure, yeah, he was a liar and coward but he's pretty impressive compared to the average, everyday person back home. Too bad I can't take him and his nose too seriously. I think he heard my snort because the guy amps up himself to shout at us again.
“You dare laugh?! My army of eighty-million will squash you like mere bugs!”
“AWESOME.”
The only three sane people on the beach just gave Luffy an unimpressed look.
“You expect us to believe eighty-million people could fit on this tiny island?” I asked with genuine curiosity. “How are you feeding them all?”
“The same way we're feeding Luffy.” Zoro grumbled.
“Touché my green amigo, touché.”
“How did you know?!” The sniper squealed.
“Well, now we know.” Nami smirked.
Usopp went into a blubbering mess about giving it away too easy.
“What? He was lying?!”
“Luffy you sweet summer child.” I sighed in endearment.
“Fine, I'll give you that. Eighty-million might be an exaggeration, but I have many men under my control!”
I snap my fingers and there goes Carrot, Pepper and Onion running away screaming about ghosts.
“You chickens! Ghosts…aren't…real?” Usopp slowly turns around, pales and screams at the three Azuls till they disappear.
Luffy is in hysterics at how silly this whole situation is and I couldn't blame him.
“Shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you! I'm a proud man and I won't stand for it.” He pulls out his trusty slingshot to aim right at Luffy's face. “You'll see why they call me ‘proud’ Usopp and not pushover Usopp.”
Luffy's face dips under the shadow of his hat and softly speaks, “Now that you’ve drawn your pistol, put your life on the line.” Luffy’s voice rings clear like a bell, a small smirk popping out from under his hat. “Guns aren’t for threats, they’re for actions. Are you willing to risk your life?”
I look over to see Zoro smirking and popping open his katana again. “What you’re looking at are real pirates, consider your next move carefully.”
“And they call me theatrical.” I rest my arm on Nami's shoulder and point my thumb at the two drama kings. Not gonna lie though, that line is pretty cool.
After some hesitation, Pinocchio finally realizes he's out of his depth. “Man, real pirates don't just have the mouth, they got the actions to back em up. So cool.”
Luffy and Zoro exchange looks before bursting into laughter. “I stole that!” Luffy squeezes out. “From Shanks, a pirate I know!”
Usopp wheezes into the ground. “Red-Haired Shanks?! The Emperor?!”
“Pretend you didn't hear that, It'll make life easier.” I stop Nami's head from exploding over the fact that some rando like Luffy personally knew one of the Emperors of the sea.
Luffy just keeps laughing. “Yeah. Your dad’s Yasopp, right?” Usopp jolts forward with a huge smile, which then sends him skidding down the outcropping he’s perched on and sprawling into the sand.
✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:*
“It’s pretty good, huh?” Usopp boasts, like he had anything to do with the preparation of the food.
Luffy nods enthusiastically. “So I met your dad when I was a kid!”
Usopp raises his eyebrows with a grin. “So my old man really knows Shanks?”
While the two of them chat about that shit I turn to Zoro and his bizarre setup. “So do you normally sit your swords like they’re a paying customer when you go to a restaurant, or is this a new development?”
He gives me an amused smirk through a mouthful of rice. “Got a problem?”
I smirk back, leaning on folded hands. “Maybe I do.”
Nami glances back and forth between us like she’s looking at a particularly ugly abstract painting. “What the hell is with you two?”
“He's in love with me but tries ever so hard to deny it.” I sigh in a patronizing manner that causes Zoro to choke on his food while Nami and I burst into a ruckus of laughter. I end up feeling bad, if only by a millimeter and start slapping his back to get the food down.
“So Usopp, I can tell from the looks of you that you got a lot of play down here. Do you know anyone that can help us get a proper ship?” I lay it on thick enough for him to take my words in because anyone with eyes would realize that flirtation will never work against someone like Luffy and Usopp.
Usopp’s face pinches in thought. “It’s a pretty small village. Sorry, but I don’t think we’ll be able to help you!” His face contorted into something sleazy, that quickly irked my bones.
“What about that place on the hill?” Zoro asks. Usopp goes stock still, eye twitching. “The mansion,” he clarifies.
Nami claps her hands excitedly. “Do you know them?! With all that money surely they could help!”
“You stay away from there!” Usopp suddenly snaps. We all pause to stare at him, even Luffy stops chewing for a second to look. Then his brain catches up to his mouth and his face goes pale. “Haha! Just remembered something I had to do, gotta go bye! Eat as much as you want!” And then he runs out of the place like the guy has squirrels in his pants.
“Well that was off…” Nami mutters.
“The lil shit prolly has ties to whoever lives there.” I said while going to pick a piece of bread. It was nice to have decent food again but what I really needed was a proper shower. Any longer without one and I'm sure I'll start to smell like Smelly and Smellier over there.
We were enjoying our little meal, still pondering about a ship when Usopp’s cronies burst in seeking their Captain.
“What'd you do with Captain Usopp?!”
Luffy, completely oblivious to that them, rubs his distended stomach with a sigh. “That was delicious!” The kids recoil in horror as they connect dots that did not need connecting.
Nami, Zoro and I all exchange looks, evil smiles creeping up our faces. “A touch undercooked for my taste, but what can you do?” I sigh dramatically.
Zoro leans forward, leering. “If you’re looking for your Captain… We ate him.”
“CANNIBALS!” they scream, promptly falling to the ground as we burst into laughter.
✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:*
When we get outside of the mansion gates Luffy is marveling at the size of it. “What’s he come here for?”
“He comes to lie!” one of the kids tells us cheerfully.
“That's horrible!” Nami cries.
“He’s not a bad guy! He’s awesome!” They quickly reassure us.
“How's a liar awesome?” Zoro scoffed in disbelief.
“The girl who lives here, Kaya, has had terrible depression that keeps her sick and in bed since her parents got sick and died a few years ago.” Wow, children really know nothing about restraint.
“Man, depression sucks. Muy difícil.” I nodded in understanding.
“Moo-ee?”
“Luffy, you're killing me here!”
“She’s super rich, but she’s still so sad…”
“So our Captain tells her special made-up stories to make her laugh! He’s the best at telling lies!”
“That is pretty nice!” Luffy exclaims.
“So his stories make her feel better?” Nami asks and they nod back in response
“Great! I think we should ask her for a ship after all!” Luffy yells, pumping a fist in the air.
“Getting in is impossible because of the guards at the gate.” The kids tell us.
Then I notice that Luffy has disappeared from my side. “I’ll go ask her!” his voice says from atop the gates.
He starts stretching to slingshot himself and we all pile on him yelling, “no no no!”
“Gum-Gum Rocket!”
We go soaring through the sky and crash into the ground screaming right outside Kaya’s window. Lucky for me I landed on Zoro instead of the floor.
“If you don't get off me in two seconds…”
“What's wrong Zoro? Never had a guy on top before?” I smirk at his narrowed eyes before they disappear into a cocky grin. “No, that's my job.”
My eyes bulge out at his rebuttal because holy Jesus, I wasn't expecting that. Or expecting him to shove me off of him so he can dust himself off. But I caught a tinge of red on his face.
‘Oh so it's like that? Okay. Game on bitch’
“A — are you alright?” a girls voice calls from above us. Kaya is hanging out her window and staring at us in clear concern, while Usopp up in his tree flounders around.
“It’s ok! Don’t mind them, it happens all the time. They’re new recruits trying to join the Usopp Pirates!”
Luffy dusts off his hat and shakes his head. “Nah, I’m here to ask a favor!”
Kaya blinks in surprise. “A favor from me?”
“Yeah! I was wondering if there was any way you could help us get a boat—”
“You, there!” Luffy is cut off. Rounding the corner with a glare is the butler who did it.
“What are you doing here?” he questions, striding up to us.
“Klahadore…” Kaya mutters.
“Get out. You’re trespassing,” he spits out, doing his weird glasses adjusting thing.
“Is it me or is the guy kinda…” I saddle up to Nami who furiously shakes her head at me in disbelief.
“Actually Klahadore, these people are—”
“Not now Kaya,” the shithead interrupts.
“Yikes, wow, yeah, nevermind then.” I screw up my face in disgust as Nami sighs in relief.
“You can tell me all about these…riff-raff after they leave.” He keeps stalking us. “Now out, all of you. Unless you have some business with me.”
“Ok! Can you help us get a ship?” Luffy asks optimistically.
Klahadore sticks his nose up. “Certainly not!”
He deflates and Zoro pats his back.
Klahadore’s eyes lock onto where Usopp is attempting to hide. “Usopp! I’ve heard all about you… you’re very well known in the village.”
The butler smirks. “I hear you’ve been on many an adventure, quite impressive for someone as young as you.”
Usopp flashes him a shaky smile. “You know, people that sing my praises so much usually call me Captain Usopp!”
Klahadore scoffs. “Captain, huh? Your father had something of a reputation as well.”
Usopp jerks forward. “What?”
Kaya leans further out the window, eyes wide. “Klahadore, seize this at once!”
“You’ll never be more than the son of a filthy pirate! Who knows what trouble you’re up to now, so I ask that you leave the lady of the house out of your business!” This guy seriously needs to get his shit rocked.
“Filthy pirate…” Usopp mutters.
Klahadore stares down his nose at Usopp condescendingly. “You and her are from completely different worlds and you know it! Is it money you’re after? How much do you want?”
Kaya’s face hardens for the first time since we’ve seen her. “That’s enough Klahadore! Apologize to Usopp!”
Klahadore’s expression doesn’t budge an inch. “What reason do I have to apologize to this savage man, my lady?”
“I’m merely stating the truth. I sympathize with you, really. You must hate your great idiot of a father for abandoning his family and village because of his mindless lust for treasure!”
Honestly, kinda fair. Yasopp is legit one of the worst fathers of this world and that's saying something but he didn't have to be a dick about it.
“Klahadore stop!” Kaya shouts.
Usopp jumps down from the tree, using a grappling hook that comes out of his waist bag to slow his descent. He lands on the ground furious. It doesn't take that much more taunting before the sniper clocks the butler across the face.
“Alright, maybe we should get the hell outta here. Come on niños, follow the pretty lights.” My hand lights up in blue smoke that causes Usopp and Klahadore to stutter instead of speak once they saw the trail of the floating blue flames . I notice a brief look of recollection appears on Kaya’s face once she saw what I did before leaving. I'll have to question her on that before all this Captain Kuro bullshit starts.
We all end up following the lights outside but instead of saying something, Usopp just runs away.
“Wait up!” Nami tries to stop a now running Luffy from chasing after Usopp to no avail.
“Just leave him, they need to air out their frustrations somehow.” I shrug. “Speaking of frustrations, damn is it annoying when hot people are assholes.” I grouched and folded my arms.
“You're still on that?!” Nami shrieks.
“Yet, you're an asshole.” Zoro adds.
“So you think I'm hot then?” I got in his personal space, which was a mistake because he immediately shoved me away.
“Some nut job is coming here and he only walks backwards!” The Onion kid came flailing about from who knows where.
The kids glare at him and in unison shout, “liar!”
He shakes his head. “It's the truth!”
We all look down the road where an ominous figure approaches. And by that I mean a guy in a fedora, heart sunglasses, false beard, and leg warmers comes moonwalking right for us.
“OH MY GOD IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON!” My eyes sparkle so much that it makes everyone squint.
“Who's Michael Jackson?” Zoro asked.
“He's a really popular singer where I'm from.”
“And you think this weirdo is him?”
“Nah, he's just doing the famous moonwalk.”
“You sound crazy.”
“I know you are but what am I?”
“WOULD YOU TWO CAN IT?! Gosh I swear you're even more childish than the actual children sitting here.”
“Ugh, whatever, I have something important I need to do anyway.” I start walking away.
“And where are you going?”
“Guy's gotta have some secrets but until then, don't trust the butler or the backwards walking guy either. They look like an old pirate crew I saw three years ago that went into hiding three years ago.” I wave without looking back.
“WHAT.” Everyone screams.
“Ciao!”