Work Text:
Hunger was a welcome feeling for Rin.
Something to be accepted, it was human after all?
He had hunger, the will to win and become an amazing striker with his brother.
On a snowy night, it became the hunger to feast, to win and taste Sae’s acknowledgment once again.
And on the fateful day. When Sae turned to him and said Isagi’s name, the day he gave up on soccer entirely. His hunger changed.
Now it was simply hunger, no fanfare included. He didn't want Sae’s approval or some other unattainable dream, he didn't want anything at all.
The world kept spinning and life went on. He went through the motions of life, with a normal type of hunger. On some days, he would stare at the ceiling of his room, he could hear his stomach grumble. It was late, he was hungry, yet he never moved to get food.
He sat down for dinner with his parents on days they were not loaded with work (which had started to become very few), and ate tasteless food prepared by himself. His parents were busy people after all, it was up to him, the only child left in the house, to help where he could by cooking.
Eggs for himself in the morning, stir fried rice he prepared for his lunch. His hunger subsided after he ate the flavourless food. Some textures grainy, some soft or mushy, all swallowed down without complaint.
The sharp blade had become almost like a friend to him, after long nights spent alone in the large house. The knife skills he had learned from Nii-chan turned out to be useful on things other than vegetables too.
He couldn't help but avoid eating his own cooking, his family was well-off, and snacks bought from the nearest convenience store at least had some flavour.
At one am, he wondered if he should have eaten dinner and lunch, feeling the sharp stab of hunger deep in his gut.
His body guided him through the chilly air and to the store, open in the late hours of the night. He paid for a bag of chips and took his leave.
The route to his house was right there, perhaps it was something else that led him to the bridge.
He stood in front of the railing, opening the pack with a pop and taking a chip out. Spicy, but what should've been full of flavour felt dull. He let it sit in his mouth, melting. It was a bit satisfying at least.
He felt the silly urge to laugh, or maybe to cry, or maybe he was just hungry.
He leaned forward, taking a step over the railing to place the soles of his feet on the other side, carefully bending down to sit on the metal railing. It pressed into him uncomfortably, but he didn't mind that much.
The water looked almost black at this time of night, it was glimmering at him, how beautiful.
He sat mindlessly, the bag of chips was half-empty now. He was still hungry, it might not be enough.
He pulled out his phone, and like any teenager did when they were upset, he started to scroll.
Tiktok was full of nothing that interested him, as usual. His entire for you page was filled with soccer content, he couldn't bear to see it after he gave up on the sport.
Twitter was full of idiots, Reddit and Tumblr were boring, Youtube decided not to load.
He dragged his finger down the screen, No new notifications . He doesn't know why the words calm him, he doesn't really want to think about the fact. It was pretty late, everyone would probably be asleep by now.
Maybe he should order takeout, would anyone deliver anything to his spot on the bridge?
He dismissed the thought but went to his phone contacts.
He scrolled past Aryu, Bachira, Hiori, Isagi , and went straight for Sae. He hovered over the call button, would he even pick up? Did he even want him to?
Did he want to hear his brother's voice laced with concern? Did he want Sae to care? Did he just want a push?
He contemplated, before turning off his phone. There would be no point.
He went back to staring at the sea. If he jumped now, he would surely die. There's no way he could swim through the freezing water back to land. When his parents came home early in the morning, having slept at their workplaces again , they would look around wondering where their youngest child was. Or maybe they wouldn't, maybe they would continue their work and assume he was locked in his room as usual.
Maybe it would take a couple days before they noticed there weren't as many leftovers in the fridge as usual, and they would wonder why he wasn’t cooking anymore. Panicked, they would search for him everywhere, crying over their lost child.
Maybe they wouldn't find the body, he would be missing for good, his family moving on slowly.
Would they tell Sae? Risking his soccer career by giving him something to mourn, or maybe he wouldn't care, maybe he would go on with his life?
His thoughts drifted, he remembers the first movie he was ever obsessed with. It wasn't the horror he started watching after Sae left, it was a childrens superhero movie.
The ending, the villain using all his power, wounded on every surface, to destroy both the hero and himself .
He wanted to do something so beautiful, to go out with a bang, killing his enemy along with him. He wanted to destroy Isagi in soccer, he wanted to make his way up and destroy Sae.
How lukewarm it would be, dying like this. Going missing, letting his family cling to the hope he might still be alive.
No, if he was going to die, he would do it properly, and he would make sure Sae cared.
He got up and stepped back onto the safe part of the bridge, once he reached a trash can, he tossed the bag.
When he went home, the house was still empty in an eerie way.
He silently entered his room and lay his head on his pillow.
He could think more about it tomorrow.