Archive of Our Own ^beta

things wooyoung noticed with his unique heart condition over the years:

1. at random– rapid beating; it makes breathing harder

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Wooyoung is kind of convinced that sometimes your probability of passing a class depends on the professor. The ones who give surprise quizzes, class recitation that could either give a student an incentive or minus points, a lot of reporting that makes the professor barely teaches anything whilst enjoying criticising people’s reports. And not to mention, assigning group projects that would take a large percentage of the final grade. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

“This will be a pair project and the pairs are decided by me. So listen as I read your names because I will not be repeating it.”

That– is the worst thing that could happen.

This professor hasn’t been nice in the first place, but Wooyoung actually likes this class. He just hopes that he at least could get a good partner.

Mr. Lee, their professor starts calling names and he definitely isn't repeating it. Reciting names listlessly like he just woke up and decided today is not a day worth of being a properly functioning adult.

Wooyoung strains his ears so he wouldn't miss his name but his mind also tries to think of people he could wish to be paired with. Although he doesn't really need to think too long on people's names because he barely talked with anyone in this class and what truly occupies his mind is exactly that scenario– of not knowing anyone to possibly work with without much difficulty for the next two months, at the least.

“Choi San and Jung Wooyoung,” the professor called once.

He hears his and his pair's name then consequently feels his breath hitch.

And Wooyoung should be used to it by now but it still catches him off-guard.

His heart and its tendency to beat rapidly at random times.

He reaches for the front pocket of his backpack– on instinct– until he abruptly remembers that his calming pills had run out yesterday. He now regrets not getting it after class yesterday when he definitely had more free time. But as exactly as it is a free time, he spends it lazily at home instead; thinking that he could just get it first thing today after his three-hour class, which doesn't really last for three hours because his professor never uses their time efficiently.

Although currently and thankfully, it wasn’t suffocating him. Just the feel of his heart’s unusual rapid thumping inside his chest. But just like always, anytime he tries to will himself to calm and focus, nothing happens. Without the help of his pills, all Wooyoung can do is at least control his breathing for whatever leeway his heart could give him.

So where were his thoughts at, again?

Right. Choi San.

He tries to remind himself to talk to his project partner after class as he levels his breathing so as not to alarm anyone around him.

Because it is just a normal Wooyoung situation that needs not to be known by literal strangers. He's used to this.

As far as first impressions go, he had probably failed his with Choi San.

Like, this early. And the project hasn't even started yet.

Wooyoung was arranging things in his backpack when it happened.

For the second time that day, his heart rampages inside his chest, bringing his head down as his hand unconsciously clutches his chest and all the while he sees a pair of shoes enter his line of sight.

Then he hears a voice greet.

“Hi, you're Jung Wooyoung right?”

It took a lot from Wooyoung before he managed to lift his head.

And what Wooyoung meant by a lot is probably a whole minute or so. So it is no surprise that the person in front of him has his brows furrowed, eyes showing a hint of confusion.

From the first look he recognizes the person who approached him was Choi San.

“Are you okay?”

He also notices that Choi San is expressive. His facial expressions are too transparent for Wooyoung's liking. And honestly, if it is worry that Wooyoung sees then it totally throws him off-guard.

“Yeah,” Wooyoung manages to breath out an answer. Finally, his heart managed to calm down.

A pause. Like Choi San is really taking a look at him, doubting Wooyoung openly.

It is as if Choi San's face is already doing all the talking so Wooyoung knows and beats him to it when the former's about to open his mouth; before he could ask more about Wooyoung's wellbeing.

“You're Choi San, right?” Wooyoung deflects.

“Yes,” Choi San answers, apprehensive.

“It'd be nice to talk about the project now but I'm afraid I have an important errand to run. Would you be free anytime this week?” Wooyoung asks.

“Yeah, sure, I'm fine with that. I suppose we should exchange numbers then.”

Moments pass as they give each other their phones and type in their numbers.

When that's all done, Wooyoung rushes to grab his bag.

“I'm sorry for this, and thank you.” Because true to Wooyoung's suspicions, this class, barely an hour in, is already dismissed by the professor. Though the students are free to use the room for the pairs to talk about the project. And it would've been productive if he and Choi San could do exactly that.

But his heart rampaging two times, barely an hour in this class is quite alarming– especially that he doesn't have any calming pills with him.

He is only thankful that Choi San is somewhat considerate.

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The first time is a simple occurrence. It was just hearing his name. When Wooyoung tried to recall the event, it was the only thing that could come to mind; totally could be nonsense, though.

And the second time is a coincidence; when he appeared and his heart started to act up. Because maybe that isn't just his day and is meant to embarrass himself to a stranger.

But the third time should be a pattern. Because why is it that he is seeing Choi San again that his heart starts rapidly thumping inside his chest?

This time, he manages to reach his pills in his backpack's front pocket and take one before Choi San could reach his table.

“Hi, did I make you wait?” San asks as he takes the seat in front of him.

Wooyoung feels the pill take effect after a few minutes.

“No, I was just a little early,” Wooyoung says, voice a little airy but he hopes it isn't too obvious. If it was, then maybe San just chose to ignore it.

“Okay,” San replies with a small smile then adds, “I'll order for us, what would you like?”

“Just an iced americano for me.” Wooyoung answers as he reaches for his wallet but San stops him.

“It's okay, it will be on me. Anything else?”

“Oh– no, you don't have to!” Wooyoung fumbles.

“It's really okay and I'm sure we will have to meet a lot more because of the project, anyway. You can pay next time.” San insists.

“Well, okay. Thank you.” 

And Wooyoung gives up. San's dimples and the way he talks in pout may have been the reason as to why Wooyoung yielded immediately. It was quite distracting; although he'd like to forget the thought as quickly as it came.

Wooyoung tries to refocus and thinks about the purpose of their meeting. In their media studies course, they were tasked to make a documentary about overcoming personal struggles. A theme he happens to personally like and their professor finally doing something right. And to make up for bailing on San the other day, Wooyoung had thought of things they could do so their meeting will definitely be productive.

Wooyoung starts sharing his ideas when San comes back with their orders.

After a few sips of his iced americano, Wooyoung brings out a notebook from his bag.

“Do you have any suggestions about how we’re doing our project?” Wooyoung starts.

“Hmm,” San hums, thinking, while sliding a piece of cookie in Wooyoung’s direction. The latter raises his eyebrows, to ask what’s the cookie for but San only smiles back at him and nods his head one time.

Wooyoung guessed he could eat the cookie then.

“If I’m being honest, I still haven’t thought about it. Do you have any ideas, then?” San asks back.

As Wooyoung rips open the plastic package of the cookie, he answers, “Yeah, I have a few. Since it is a broad topic and we have freedom on how to produce the documentary ourselves. It should be creative and insightful but not boring. I want that for our documentary.”

San only nods so Wooyoung continues.

“So as I’ve said, the theme of overcoming one’s personal struggles is a broad topic. If we’re interviewing people then we can expect a number of differing answers. It will be up to the interviewees to share light or deep struggles that they will be willing to share; we won’t be forcing them of anything. So it will be our job to keep the interview going and ask them the right– or proper questions at least.” Wooyoung further explains.

“Okay, still good. Did you already think of questions?”

“Yeah, I did. To tackle a discussion, I narrowed it down to these three important questions,” At this, Wooyoung shows his notebook to San.

main flow of the project is to ask these three questions:

1. current or past personal problem/struggle

2. their ways/methods of coping

3. have you overcome this struggle?

Wooyoung waits as San scans his notes and lets him think for a few seconds.

“You can add something if you want to– or change, if you think of something better.” Wooyoung adds because he’d been the only one that’s sharing his ideas.

“Hmm, I think it’s already good enough, though.” San answers as he lifts his head from Wooyoung’s notebook and meets his eyes.

“I think this will be thoroughly insightful, if we also choose proper side questions as we go along with the interview. It will cover what is needed in the documentary and we could just be creative in the video editing to have more impact. If we use these three questions, we can make our documentary into three parts. The first question is quite obvious but I really like your second one. Because one way or another, people can only overcome their personal struggles if they have the right medium– something that will help them cope.” San supplies.

“Yes, exactly. And the third question is our closing question but we could end up with an open-ended answer then, because we can’t expect everyone to have already overcome a personal struggle.” Wooyoung adds.

“That’s right. It will be a good addition, a nice point to emphasize at the end of the interview that even if they still haven’t overcome their struggle, they are in the process of healing.” Wooyoung nods and is glad that they are on the same ground here.

“But something’s kind of vague here.” San says after a beat.

“What do you mean?”

“Will this be all? The flow is good but the conclusion?” San asks.

“Yes, it should be all. By the time our documentary ends, we would have concluded on showing various sides of people and how they are dealing with their own problems. Do you suggest we add some more details?” Wooyoung asks back, a little confused now, because he thinks that their approach is already good enough.

“Yes, I do think that we should have one focus– that one detail that we should highlight on this documentary.” San states that got Wooyoung even more confused.

“We already have that, aren’t we? The theme– overcoming personal struggles– we definitely already have that covered.”

“Yes, sure– but also no.” San answers as he contradicts himself.

Wooyoung is beyond confused now– he is irritated. And if San won’t explain himself now, he’ll start throwing words he may regret later on.

But for the sake of his unique heart, he wills himself to calm; he will not be mad today. Being emotional will only have repercussions.

“So your point is?” Wooyoung patiently asks.

“It’s really good– your idea is good. But I can pretty much imagine everyone doing the same–or of the same sort. Interview people saying their problems and conclude the same whether they had overcome it or not. If you said you want our documentary to not be boring and instead entertaining to make people want to watch it then we should focus on another one important thing.” San explains.

And Wooyoung tries to understand, really. But San also had a roundabout way of saying that Wooyoung’s idea is generic. So he really tries not to get annoyed at the insinuation.

“And what important thing is it?”

“Love.” San answers like it's the simplest answer that Wooyoung failed to realize.

At this point, his heart suddenly feels heavy– like someone’s hand is clenching around his heart and squeezes it.

It hurts. It hurts Wooyoung because he doesn’t understand– doesn’t understand San right now– and he’s mad.

But San continues his spiel.

“We can be creative and make love the focus of our documentary. You know, as I listened to your explanations a while ago, it seemed too lonely. You made your point– to interview someone about their personal problem. But I do think that there will always be someone or people beside them to help them get through their struggles. So we could use that chance and make it the highlight of our documentary– we highlight people’s relationships, romantically or platonically. It will be more meaningful, don’t you think?” San explains.

Wooyoung is still hurting but he’s used to this. Although he unconsciously brought a hand by his chest as if it could help him feel better. But despite the heaviness in his heart, he schools his expression and levels his breathing. He tries not to think that these moments of pauses are too recurring in their every interaction and just hopes that San doesn't notice anything.

“I don’t see the relevance, though. We could add that point on question number two. I’m sure multiple people will say another person’s name of who helped them and such because their way of coping could be communicating with other people. And I don’t know what you meant by lonely but they are called personal problems in the first place. Because it is their own. People are alone with their problems and feelings but not necessarily lonely.” Wooyoung rationalizes. And he didn’t mean to add that part about being lonely, because if it struck a nerve on him, he will decide to blame that on his emotions running high and not something to unpack later.

“But that’s really the point, isn’t it?” And somehow, San had turned his words back at him.

And it would have been easier if Wooyoung could just agree.

“Like you said, people’s feelings are their own. We are alone with it but we are not necessarily lonely because people can choose to share it. So it would be really interesting to know about people and the relationships they built with others. At the end of the day, no one’s really alone, are they?” San placates.

Except Wooyoung is– or could be, would be– alone, that is.

Because being born with a unique heart ailment can only guarantee him two things: be with his true love or be alone forever. He never even had a chance to choose.

So Wooyoung can’t understand–accept–San’s point. And so for reasons– personal or not, valid or entitled, Wooyoung finds it truly hard on himself to compromise at San’s idea.

“Then we can test that idea out once we start the interviews.” He says, nonetheless.

Wooyoung quickly packs his things and stands.

“I’m sorry, I suddenly remembered that I have an essay to be submitted later tonight and I haven’t started yet. Just text me if you have anything else to add. Also, text me the number of people who are willing to be interviewed, I’ll do the same, so we can start filming as soon as next week.”

Wooyoung doesn’t even wait for a response.

As soon as he gets out of the cafe, he rounds a corner and quickly takes a calming pill.

At this point, Wooyoung gets it. For all the times that his heart has rampaged inside of him recently, San must be the reason. And the final conclusion is that he and San shouldn’t be together; for all and every reason there is. But he just needs to endure for now; three months maximum if he wants to get out of this project in good condition.

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things wooyoung noticed with his unique heart condition over the years:

2. when he's mad– his heart clenches/feels heavy

ㅡ♡

Wooyoung had believed from a young age that he only had a bad heart.

Some pills, inhaler, oxygen masks– Wooyoung's made aware of its existence ever since he can remember.

He had hated it– for having a weak heart.

His only consolation was his parents’ story and the family legend that he stores close to his heart. To meet someone that he'll truly love and cure him of his disease. To meet someone who also loves him back so as to complete what was missing in his heart for it to function properly again.

But it was until he was eleven that he was comprehensive enough to understand that he was told of the fact that his heart ailment is a rather unique one– incurable even with today's modern innovations; but also contradicting with the family legend his parents would tell him every night because it was actually true and not some fairytale like story to cater to his childlike innocence.

Wooyoung will only be cured if he meets his true love.

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[part 1. do you have a current or past personal struggle?]

MINJEONG: I have social anxiety. Though I believe I can socialize to a certain point but my social battery really depletes easily. Because of that I find it hard interacting with people and maintaining relationships.

[cut to]

HAECHAN: Overconfidence. Though I think it’s not really my problem? But people tell me that a lot so that’s a real struggle for me.

[part 2. what do you do to cope with your problem?]

MINJEONG: I bedrot. I play with my dog. Or I just really stay at home. For example, I had a day full of classes yesterday. Then I'd probably stay at home the next day and come out only if needed.

SAN (behind the cam): What about today, then?

MINJEONG: You know, that's a good question. Honestly, I wouldn't be here at all but you promised to buy me battle pass so I agreed.

SAN (behind the cam): Uh, just to be clear, I persuaded you like– seven times.

MINJEONG: Yeah, but you didn't mention the battle pass until the fifth time. But anyway, after this interview, I'd probably stay at home again. I already feel my social battery draining at the moment, actually. So give me that battle pass later and play with me for a few rounds. Join me while I rot at home.

SAN (behind the cam): Okay, I will go online later.

[cut to]

HAECHAN: I believe I just do whatever I want to do what makes me happy and content.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): So in other words …

HAECHAN: Yeah, you guessed it. I don't really cope with it. I make my friends cope with me.

[part 3. have you overcome this struggle?]

MINJEONG: No, but I'm taking one step at a time. Partly the reason I'm doing this interview, actually. But I try to really be out there to a point that's not overwhelming.

[cut to]

HAECHAN: No, not really. Because like I said it's not really my problem. But despite that I do take their opinions to mind. I'd say I'm a lot tamer now.

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“Thank you for agreeing to the interview.” Wooyoung said after they packed up their filming equipment.

Kim Minjeong, a friend of San’s that he managed to talk into getting the interview. They met each other in university, being in the same music classes, and for a few months acquainted now because of the same computer games they play. Valorant, League of Legends, and something Genshin that Wooyoung heard of while San and Minjeong were talking about a while ago.

“It took a lot of convincing, honestly. But now that we’re done, it kind of felt nice to talk about it. I didn’t feel too anxious at all.” Minjeong answers.

“That’s good to hear.”

Then they both walked from the kitchen to the living room where San is playing with Minjeong’s dog.

“Winter, I think he likes me.” San says the moment they enter the living room. And there San is, with a lapful of Minjeong’s maltese dog.

Wooyoung also happens to know today that Winter is Minjeong’s in-game name and how she hates getting called that outside of her games. So she facepalms at the sound of it.

“Mandu likes everyone. You are not special.” Minjeong deadpans. And not a second after, Mandu jumps from his place on San and circles Wooyoung’s feet.

“See?” Minjeong says with a smug look that got San pouting. “He likes to get head pats whenever he acts like that, by the way.” This time, her words were directed at Wooyoung.

So Wooyoung crouches down to stroke the dog’s head. When that wasn’t enough, the dog even jumps at Wooyoung that almost topples him over. San and Minjeong collectively gasped at the action. But Wooyoung managed to balance himself with one hand supporting his weight and the other holding Mandu.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Mandu is real clingy.” Minjeong rushes to say. “But it looks like Mandu really likes you, though.” She smiles.

“Is that so,” Wooyoung says softly as he cradles Mandu in his arms.

“Do you have a pet?” Minjeong asks.

“Yeah, I had one before. But none right now,” Wooyoung answers.

“Ah, figures. You handle them carefully like you have one.”

After a few moments, Minjeong collects the maltese from Wooyoung’s arms because it didn’t seem like it was budging when San and Wooyoung needed to go. And another set of ‘Thank you for the interview,’ and ‘Sorry for the disturbance,’ because Minjeong gladly agreed on doing the interview at her place, were exchanged, they were out of the apartment complex and off to a lunch place to review their footage.

Given that they parted on a bad note last time, at least Wooyoung felt responsible enough to still talk to San even if it pains him. Their project won't exactly work on their own. He limited interactions to only texting, though, but they managed to acquire eleven participants and made schedules as to when they are available to conduct the interviews.

So a week after that dramatic cafe meeting with San, they managed to interview two people today. And Wooyoung didn’t know what urged him to agree on a lunch with San, but even he knows that he’d need to interact with his partner face-to-face to have a more progressive discussion on their project.

But for lunch– together. After deciding that he should avoid San but here he was, anyway. Wooyoung only hopes that this one would really be productive.

So far, his heart is normal and hopefully that stays until the end of this lunch.

“What do you think about Haechan's interview?” Wooyoung asks about the first interview they did before Minjeong’s.

“What about it?”

“Do you think we can use his footage?”

“Well, we'll need to cut some parts for sure. But the interview is fine with me. Is it not enough for you?” San answers.

“I mean, it's really just like what he said. It's not really a personal struggle for him. Doesn't that miss the entire point of our project?” Wooyoung supplies.

“I do think it's a different perspective, but one that could still fit our project.” San answers readily.

“From what I can infer, he's a confident guy. Brave and bold but the type to bring problems to others, not someone who struggles. So I don't think his interview will be necessary for our project.” Wooyoung says. And he can admit that he's coming off strong here– judging, even. But he can't understand San again.

“You may have a point. But he did also say that he knows he's causing problems so that's his personal struggle.”

“And that's supposed to be okay?”

“Why not?” And San had the audacity to look and sound so confused.

Then Wooyoung feels it, his heart clenching. Too sudden that he didn't have time to process his actions as he brought his hand to clutch his chest.

Completely goes noticed by San, alarmed as he says, “What happened? Are you okay?” And gone was the confused expression and replaced by worry.

And that only made Wooyoung angrier. Here he was judging some people then gets mad at San's opinions when he's the one who actually started this conversation. But San only gets genuinely worried?

Wooyoung thinks he's developing anger issues for some unsolicited reasons.

Why is it that listening to San's reasoning only infuriates Wooyoung? He so badly wants to prove San wrong when the other always has a rebuttal ready and further irritates him that he somehow makes a point. And that's hard to accept for Wooyoung because he also wanted to understand.

Most of his life, he'd restrict himself from feeling something more. Because of his unique heart condition, he can only exert himself in situations he knows the outcome of.

Minjeong had asked him if he had a pet before–he did. It was a family cat they had even before Wooyoung was born. He loved the cat so much that the moment the feline died, he was overcome with so much sadness and grief that his weak heart couldn't manage, he got sick and needed to be manually given oxygen for a day because he can’t breathe and connected to a heart monitor to observe his heart beating. That continued for a week because everytime he remembers their cat, it–literally–takes his breath away and heart beating erratically he’s in danger of a heart attack.

He was only so young, not even reaching his teens but young enough to know–and bitterly realize that he possibly can’t own a pet anymore. Not if he wouldn't get attached and give all his time and love and a little piece of his heart, he could own another pet–but that’s impossible. He had already known the outcome.

And he was also still young when he realized that he couldn’t experience the things a normal child would do. He never had childhood friends because he was home-schooled. He’d only met people his age when he entered high school but that was when he was old enough to understand that he can’t just befriend anyone. Wooyoung managed to appear cheerful in front of others but not close enough to people to get into a friend circle or anything of the sort. So he only befriended one. Or more like–the only one he could keep because Wooyoung was too guarded.

All his life, he lived like he’s stuck and restricted, cautious and guarded, because only through that way could he taste any semblance of peace in his rather tumultuous heart.

But the few days he’s known San, it is quite clear how different they were; like complete opposite.

At first, Wooyoung worried about who or where to ask to interview people because he didn’t have many friends. Although his blockmates see him as cheerful and approachable, he was never the type to go to parties or somewhere to hang out even if he was invited. It was a limit he managed to set in himself–be sociable and friendly to keep people around but never going past what was needed. If he needed to interact with people because of a group project or a class then he would, so anything unnecessary like hanging out after class hours is going to be turned down.

Wooyoung had lived by keeping people at an arm’s length so all he could manage was ask four people he knew for the interview. But San managed to ask seven people and Wooyoung is beyond relieved and grateful, although something he didn’t want to acknowledge. Hell, San even knows one of the four people Wooyoung got. San explained that some of them were his friends and others whom he knew from friends of friends or some he met at various events and situations.

And now that Wooyoung thinks about it, maybe he just wanted some unwarranted self-projection here. If he asks about how Haechan doesn’t necessarily have a personal struggle because he’s free to act whatever he wants. Fierce and bold but free; to not mask his emotions or limit himself on normal things Wooyoung had missed on. If he asks, maybe San will give him an answer that validates Wooyoung’s cautiousness just to protect his fragile heart. But San answers like he doesn’t see the problem, or knows of Wooyoung's point but decides to act nonchalant– which already tells Wooyoung everything. He should have known when San gathered interviewees who are not only his friends but also acquaintances or friends of friends. 

So truly–a complete opposite. A Wooyoung mismatch of cautiousness to San’s adventurousness.

And maybe Wooyoung will never understand San and his heart is bound to suffer because of it.

“Wooyoung-ah, are you okay?” San asks again when Wooyoung didn’t answer for a minute.

And Wooyoung just hates it that it is San that keeps on seeing this vulnerable side of him. Which makes him guiltier because San sounds too genuine in his worry to warrant Wooyoung’s anger.

“I’m fine– let me just–” Wooyoung scrambles for his bag and takes his pills.

He didn’t want San to see this but damn to hell and back, he doesn’t care anymore. If the anger in his heart would kill him, he at least won’t drop dead in front of a man he barely knows and for a reason that he wanted to know this person more and actually understand him. Does that mean Wooyoung is interested? No–maybe–but only because he wants more evidence to support his claim: San and Wooyoung can never get along; a huge mismatch–the walking contradiction to what Wooyoung will ever be.

The pills work and they get back to discussing. San suggests that if Wooyoung wouldn’t really want Haechan’s footage to be included then San will respect it. His partner suddenly got tame, maybe freaked out about Wooyoung’s ailment that he doesn’t know of but he also doesn’t ask so Wooyoung’s relieved for that (not like he’d tell, but whatever). So if San managed to be civil then Wooyoung does too, as he agrees with San but says that they don’t essentially need to make a decision today. It is only the first two interviews, anyway.

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[part 1. do you have a current or past personal struggle?]

SEONGHWA: Self-esteem. I have trouble presenting myself to people and what they think of me.

[cut to]

HONGJOONG: Hmm, about how I express myself? I sometimes don’t know how to react to people. I mean, I just get misunderstood a lot because of it.

[part 2. what do you do to cope with your problem?]

SEONGHWA: I distract myself. Like if I don’t think about it, I won’t keep on stressing, you know?

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): What do you do to distract yourself, then?

SEONGHWA: I like cleaning. So I’d clean my own apartment or torment Hongjoong and also clean his room while I nag him. And I also like legos! So I’d spend like three hours or more building legos if I get too anxious and I need to focus on something.

[cut to]

HONGJOONG: I tried writing it in a diary. If I find myself having troubles expressing myself, I try writing everything I could think of– of what I was feeling then. Someone told me that letting out your feelings is important. If I can’t speak it then I write it. Also sometimes I write poems about my feelings too.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): So did that help?

HONGJOONG: I think so? My mind gets clearer if I let the feelings out. And actually, I think I discover myself through this? I really feel like I’ve been expressing myself well lately too.

SAN (behind the cam): Any instances you could share about your statement?

HONGJOONG: Hmm, let me think.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Sure! Take your time.

HONGJOONG: Ah! This was like last week, when Seonghwa was eyeing this idol’s style. Do you know Jeonghan from Seventeen?

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Of course, I do!

HONGJOONG: So he had this look, his long hair adorned with colorful clips. Anyway, if it was before when I don’t know how to express my feelings well, I could just say that ‘it would look good on you!’ But I had discovered that Seonghwa values my opinions. And I like the way he smiles when he hears my compliments. So I do that a lot now.

SAN (behind the cam): So that's one instance right? Does that only apply to Seonghwa-ssi or you express your opinions well with others too?

HONGJOONG: Well, most of the time. I'm still not entirely open with my feelings with others but if it's Seonghwa, I feel confident. Because I know he won't misjudge me. If I know one person I really trust also trusts me, then I find myself braver in my future endeavours. And I guess that really helped me a lot with my problem.

[part 3. have you overcome this struggle?]

SEONGHWA: No, but I think I'm getting there. I'm still struggling sometimes but I think I'm better at handling myself now.

[cut to]

HONGJOONG: Yes. Uh–I think so? I find myself speaking up more now.

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“You said you don’t get along with your partner?” Seonghwa, one of his friends he made during his first year in college, asks.

Wooyoung gives him a pointed look, “uh, so what about it?”

“It doesn’t look like it.” Seonghwa states.

Well, maybe Seonghwa has a point.

After that fiasco a few days ago, with San supposedly realizing by himself that Wooyoung has some kind of ailment (he still doesn’t ask), San has been truly accommodating.

“Did you say anything?” Wooyoung suspects.

Seonghwa scratches his nape as he answers, “Well, Hongjoong did. He said San asked him a few days ago if you're sick or something. So Hongjoong went to me to ask–and stop glaring, I did not say anything.”

“Did you?”

“Nothing too invasive! I just said that you have had a weak heart since you were younger but you're okay.”

Wooyoung sighs. San might as well know most of it. “That's all you said?”

“Well, maybe something like a he should treat you with care–”

“Hyung!” Wooyoung whines while Seonghwa continues with, “just in case!”

“I'm sorry, should I have not told Hongjoong anything?” Seonghwa sounds apologetic.

“No, it's fine. It's whatever now.” Wooyoung says defeatedly.

“I really only said that in place of worry,” Seonghwa adds.

“I know, hyung,” Wooyoung answers with a tinge of guilt.

Seonghwa had been the second person to know of Wooyoung's unique heart condition. The older had unfortunately caught him one time, in his second year of college, when his academic responsibilities got too much that his heart did not react kindly to the pressure that he was almost out of breath. The older had panicked but still managed to tend and care for Wooyoung.

After that incident, Wooyoung trusts Seonghwa with his life so he told him the truth about his heart–even the part about the legend. And the older had listened, further making Wooyoung believe he won't ever regret telling Seonghwa. He still does, to this day. So it makes him a bit guilty about lightly lashing at the older.

“Did you get a check-up after meeting San, though?” Seonghwa asks.

“Of course, I did. I did tell my doctor about the frequent rampaging of my heart so he did his heart tests–whatever–and even showed him the history of the heart rate monitor in my smart watch but he says that there's nothing notable of concern. So he just advised I stay away from the cause of it and be mindful of my surroundings. The usual chatter.” Wooyoung explains.

“So you just deduced that San really is the cause of it all?”

“He’s literally the only possible reason I could think of.” Wooyoung answers with finality.

“That's–well, I don’t really know what to say if it’s what your heart decided. But San’s a good kid. I just don’t know why your heart would react like that.” Seonghwa says.

“Believe me, I’d love to know too. But anything regarding my heart has always been unpredictable.”

San is a good person, maybe too nice. Seonghwa is Wooyoung’s friend so he also knows Hongjoong, who is his hyung’s boyfriend, but they are not close. He only managed to ask Hongjoong to do this interview because of Seonghwa. And the Seonghwa that Wooyoung knows is also a good person, an angel, but also a good judge of character so his boyfriend is also a good person (also he has heard a lot from Seonghwa about Hongjoong and how he takes care of him and how in love and happy they are so Wooyoung has trust on his hyung’s judge of character). So for Hongjoong to be San’s friend, that should say something.

And if Wooyoung could deduct his bad mood and lashings at their every interaction, San had only been decent. Never did he really wronged Wooyoung in an objective view but in the case of Wooyoung’s weak heart, he only had to take everything personally.

So San is a nice, likeable person. If Wooyoung was in a better physical shape, maybe he and San would get along.

Case in point, like Seonghwa had said, one is that they almost argued this morning.

”I’ll get coffee for us, would you like some?” Hongjoong asks when San and Wooyoung got settled in Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s couch. They are in the couple’s shared apartment for their interview.

“Iced latte for me,” Seonghwa says, to which San agrees and tells he wants that too. So Hongjoong turns to Wooyoung.

“Just an iced americano. Make it two–” He answers.

“You’re allowed that?” San suddenly asks.

“Yes, why shouldn’t I?” Wooyoung asks back, one eyebrow rising at San’s inquiry and interrupting him.

“Well, wouldn’t that be bad for– for your– uh,” San stutters, not finishing his sentence.

“My what?” Wooyoung challenges.

“Nothing. You do you, I guess,” San answers defeatedly.

It appears that that’s the end of that so Wooyoung turns to Hongjoong again to finish what he was saying earlier.

“Make it two shots, please.”

“Two–” San exclaims but manages to stop himself. Wooyoung looks at him again, stares challengingly just to see if the other would say something again.

But San doesn’t say anything on the matter, but hurries an, “please don’t be angry,” when he sees Wooyoung (almost; kind of) glaring.

Wooyoung doesn't even understand why San would be reacting like he did. Barely a few weeks of knowing each other and the older would react like they've been friends for long for him to care.

But the act of kindness– Wooyoung thinks that he doesn't deserve it. All Wooyoung did was get too defensive around San, making the other walk in eggshells.

When it was time for the interviews, San had naturally asked Hongjoong to start first then he remembered that Wooyoung is his partner so he threw a nervous glance at Wooyoung; gaze questioning if it was alright to start. He'd only nodded.

During the interviews, San had wanted to ask questions, opened his mouth but closed again to look at Wooyoung in a silent question if he could speak.

But if it looked accommodating to Seonghwa, then Wooyoung would say that their whole interaction was candid.

Wooyoung's defensive so San got guarded.

And Wooyoung would appreciate the sentiment of being careful for his well being, but he also isn't a patient. Not every single thing could trigger Wooyoung's ailment. He's been living with this unpredictable heart since he can remember and San's presence shouldn't make a difference. It only happens that his heart decided to act out whenever San was near recently but Wooyoung is used to these random moments. If there's little to no information about his condition then there's no reliable reason as to why his heart would react to San.

Wooyoung just has to do what he always does and distance himself from the things not good to his fragile heart.

“San,” Wooyoung calls the moment they are steps away from Seonghwa and Hongjoong's apartment building.

San only turns back from where he's walking ahead of Wooyoung.

“I heard from Seonghwa, what you asked Hongjoong about me and what he answered.”

“I–I just–I don't know anything and–” San starts but Wooyoung interjects.

“You don't know anything. You could just stay like that.” He says in a rather harsh tone, “You don't have to walk on eggshells around me. You're too obvious, you know.”

“But that's–not fair for you.”

“Why?”

“The first was I saw you heaving in the classroom. I didn't know anything then. And the second was when we had our first meeting and I knew then that you aren't feeling well. The third time, you even had to take a pill. You're not okay and you just expect me to act like I don't know anything?”

“Yes.” Wooyoung answers that left San confused.

“But–” San seems to argue more but Wooyoung stops him again.

“I'm not a patient, San. I've been dealing with this condition for as long as I can remember and you don't need to necessarily do anything. I can manage myself.”

San stares at him, hesitation painting his features. But he sighs and looks away from Wooyoung's stern gaze.

In a defeated tone, he says instead, “Okay. I don't know anything. But,” he pauses, meets Wooyoung's eyes again with renewed determination, “but do not hide your symptoms whenever we're together.”

Wooyoung has an argument ready, to say no, but San stops him this time.

“At least–” San quickly adds, “at least, when we're together. Do not act like you're not hurting.”

Wooyoung stares back, but it wasn't pity that's reflected in San's eyes; like San could never not be genuine, Wooyoung sees in his gaze and feels the sincerity in the older's words.

So for the first time in a long while, he lowers his walls and nods at San's suggestion.

ㅡ

[part 1. do you have a current or past personal struggle?]

YEOSANG: Unsupportive family. I pursued Journalism when all my parents wanted was for me to be a doctor or an engineer.

[cut to]

JONGHO: Some financial problems? Money isn't always easy for me so I have to work extra hard and balance my studies while working.

[cut to]

HAO: Language barrier. It is a huge challenge as I'm in a foreign country.

[cut to]

HANBIN: Well, how do I say this? Some have said that I'm a people pleaser. So I'd always cater to what other people want and I don't realize if people are just deceiving me to abuse me of my kindness.

[part 2. what do you do to cope with your problem?]

YEOSANG: I try not to think about it.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): How so?

YEOSANG: It just happens. I’m busy enough reading and watching things to write about so that’s that, I guess.

[cut to]

JONGHO: Just working. Then work.

SAN (behind the cam): That’s all?

JONGHO: Working while in college is busy enough. And I don’t know how I’m really coping when it’s my lifestyle at this point, anyway. It’s just the way my life works now.

[cut to]

HAO: At first, I tried doing it all by myself. I’m competitive and strict on myself. And I’d really hate it when people make it so obvious how they try not to grimace with my accent. So at some point I tried not to talk to people unless necessary.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Then what about now?

HAO: I realized that was my mistake. But it's hard to suddenly appear friendly when I’m aloof and distant. I just realized that talking to people will make me improve faster.

[cut to]

HANBIN: Am I coping? Honestly, I don't know.

SAN (behind the cam): What do you mean by that?

HANBIN: I think it's kind of complicated. I don't really mind helping people. So I don't know if this could be called a personal struggle. I'm sorry, is this interview going to be fine? What if I just wasted your time?

SAN (behind the cam): Oh, you're okay–

HAO (behind the cam): That. Exactly that is his problem.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Hm?

HAO (behind the cam): Well, I mean, he's just really kind. He's not dense but he'll believe in the good first over the bad when he's faced with it.

[part 3. have you overcome this struggle?]

YEOSANG: No. Best believe I still don't talk a lot to them until now. But I've met some really important people that I could consider as the family I never had. So, at least, even if they don't know, I think these people are already healing me. That's what I'd like to think too.

[cut to]

JONGHO: Yes, but also no? If that makes sense since money is always flowing. I struggle from time to time but that's what one would normally expect for a working student. I'm just working hard now to study and maintain my scholarship so I could hope for a more stable life in the future.

[cut to]

HAO: Yes, kind of. I've been here in South Korea for three years now, I sure am better than I was then. And they may not be a lot but I found people who I can talk to in this language comfortably.

[cut to]

HANBIN: Maybe not. I still think that being nice to people is for the greater good. But whenever Hao-hyung is around, he'd remind me of my priorities. So I guess, I could say no to some favors now.

ㅡ

Choi San

hi, Wooyoung

just wanna ask if you wanna start on editing the documentary

are you free anytime this week?

 

yea, i am

what about friday?

 

i'm good that day!

 

okay

where?

 

in my place? is that fine?

 

yea no prob

 

see u then!

Friday came quicker than Wooyoung anticipated.

Wooyoung’s in his last class when he received a text from San.

Choi San

hi, Wooyoung

are you in class?

 

last 5 mins

why

 

oh good!

my class is done actually

we could go tgt in my apartment if u want?

Wooyoung is very tempted to say no. He's typing then deleting then typing again to reply that he's fine with it. He also texts that they're dismissed now and suddenly a call came through.

Choi San calling…

What the hell?

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Before the fourth ring came, Wooyoung answered.

“Hey, Wooyoung,” He hears San's voice from behind the line.

“Hi, San,” Wooyoung greets back.

“Where are you?”

“Fine Arts, second building.”

“Oh good, I'll meet you at the entrance!” San says then ends the call.

For the second time that day, in a span of a few minutes, Wooyoung gets confused again. What the hell?

First of all, is San fetching him? Second, why?

Aside from their texts, the last time they talked personally was outside their hyungs’ apartment. Maybe Wooyoung's just overthinking things with San again but what was he if not cautious?

A few minutes after Wooyoung reaches the entrance to the building, San shows up not long after and they begin their walk to the older's apartment.

“Ah, you are friends with Yeonjun?” San suddenly asks in the middle of editing.

The moment they arrived at San’s apartment, the other offered him refreshments and snacks, which Wooyoung kindly declined. So they started working immediately; sitting at the carpeted floor of San’s living room, their laptops, cameras, and other needed equipment placed at the coffee table or beside them. Both of them manage to divide the work smoothly where San would be the one editing and Wooyoung would be arranging their storyboard.

That was decided an hour and a half ago. They had worked continually without any issues but after a day of classes, their hunger finally caught up to them at 5:40 pm so they ordered take-out.

Wooyoung’s about to answer San’s question when the doorbell rings; must have been their food. So San stands and heads to the front door.

After they put away their equipment from the coffee table, then laid the food they ordered, Wooyoung remembers San’s question.

“We were groupmates from a general course before. He'd just greet me occasionally when we pass by each other.” Wooyoung explains.

“Really? You seemed closer than you claim.”

“Is that so?” Wooyoung ponders. Personally, he just thinks that Yeonjun is just friendly so he'd indulge in small talks with the man when they see each other.

“What about Yeri and Yena?”

“What about them?”

“You saw them a while ago, too. Are you friends with them?”

“Do you know them?” Wooyoung asks back because he can’t seem to understand where this conversation is going.

“Just also met them here and there,” San answers.

“Then we’re pretty much the same.” Wooyoung replies.

“But it doesn’t really seem so?” San presses on.

Now Wooyoung is thoroughly confused. What do San wants to hear, anyway?

“Are you complaining?” Wooyoung asks instead.

“Huh, what, no? Why?”

“Sorry for holding your time a while ago? Maybe it just happened that I met a lot of people today, made small talk. Isn’t that what classmates do?” Wooyoung says because that’s what happened a while ago.

When San insisted that they go to his apartment together, Wooyoung happened to greet a lot of people. They are past and current classmates that are nice enough to greet him in the hallways when they see each other. But Wooyoung wouldn’t necessarily call them their friends, though. The solidarity ended as well when their joined classes were finished for the semester.

“Well, I just thought that you keep your circle small. I’d always see you alone or with Seonghwa and your other friend with long blonde hair. Didn’t expect you to be friendly, honestly.” San answers truthfully.

“And that’s true? Seonghwa and Yeosang are my only close friends and I’m just social and people are nice enough to greet me in the hallways.” Wooyoung admits.

At that, San makes a surprised and exaggerated gasp, which also surprises Wooyoung as he stares at him widely.

“I think you’re underestimating your other friends, Wooyoung!” San exclaims with a hand covering his mouth, eyes wide to further express his surprise.

“I–what?” Wooyoung stutters, doesn’t know what to say, “they aren’t my friends?” he adds uncertainly.

“Nah, I could call Yeonjun right now and ask if you and him are friends and I’m so sure he’ll say yes!” San argues.

Wooyoung doesn’t really understand why San suddenly gets defensive on this matter, but that behavior exactly– surprisingly, makes him chuckle.

“Oh? You’re laughing?” San incredulously asks.

“I think you’re the one who’s actually friendly here, San. I don’t even have Yeonjun’s number.” Wooyoung says in between bouts of laughter.

At that, San pouts.

“I’m just saying! You are friendly and a rather lovely person if you aren’t scowling at me and people see that so I’m sure your so-called not-friends you’re claiming them to be would think otherwise.”

At San’s admission, Wooyoung freezes. What did he say?

“Or,” San continues, not quite noticing Wooyoung’s surprise, “do you not realize that?” San asks, bringing his face closer.

Wooyoung even failed to realize that San had managed to scoot closer to him on the floor from where they were sitting, their knees now touching.

“R–realize what?” Wooyoung slowly asks.

“That you’re a likeable person and that’s why people are nice to you and want to be friends with you. But why do you seem so closed off?”

Ah, so that was what San was pertaining to.

A few weeks of knowing each other and San was able to analyze his walls this fast. Is Wooyoung that obvious?

Or was it that San is the only one who dared to point that out?

Nevertheless, it was a hard question to answer. Wooyoung doesn’t even have the energy to be pissed at San’s statements this time. Because it would always end up like this: San notices something, comments on it, the comment somehow triggers Wooyoung and they end up arguing again.

But San had only been genuine. Even before and up until now; and Wooyoung wouldn’t want to lie, the brief afternoon they had been spending for a while editing their documentary was peaceful. They hadn’t fought since San fetched him from his building and was only patient when some of his classmates stopped them and waited until they reached his apartment; only a pleasant atmosphere, one in which they never really had from previous interactions.

Wooyoung is comfortable with San and he doesn’t exactly want to ruin the moment they have right now.

“I’m not closed off, I’m just careful.” Wooyoung says, laying a bit of his heart in his honesty to answer San.

San’s expression is unreadable; but after a few short seconds, he smiles that dimpled smile of his.

“Do you want to play a game?” San suddenly asks. It seems like his randomness isn’t ending today.

“We’re in the middle of editing, San.” Wooyoung deadpans.

“No, I mean, this doesn’t take too much of our time! Let’s play 21 questions!” San suggests.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes!”

“San, we're too busy for that,”

“We've been editing for hours, Wooyoung! It can't hurt to take a break,” San pleads, “but I will add a rule! We should also answer each other's questions. Game?”

San stares at him expectantly, and somehow Wooyoung gives in. But he has to get the first question so he'd be asking more–

“What's your favorite color?” San beats him to it.

“Hey, I was gonna ask first!”

“Just answer, Wooyoung, and mine's purple, by the way.”

Wooyoung clicks his tongue in annoyance but still answers, “black.”

“Where are you from? I'm from Ilsan.”

“Namhae Province.”

“Oh? So you speak satoori!” Wooyoung exclaims.

“Is that a question?”

“No, but you're asking, though.” Wooyoung quips, “my turn!”

San was about to argue but Wooyoung attacked immediately with another question which earned a pout from the older. Wooyoung can only chuckle.

“What's your comfort food?” Wooyoung asks.

“I like a lot of food, honestly. But homemade food maybe? Especially baked ones! You?”

“Ah, spicy food for me.”

“Do you have any nicknames?” Next is San's question.

“Woo or Young, sometimes my mom calls me Wooyo too.”

“Ohhh, those are cute!” San admits and Wooyoung only rolls his eyes.

“How about you?”

“Sannie! And I like people calling me that so you could call me that too,”

“Uh, sure. I'll try.”

“Oh, you should.” San insists.

“Do you listen to kpop? I like BTS.” Wooyoung changes the topic easily.

San squints his eyes playfully, “Hm, I like EXO.”

“Oh,” Is Wooyoung's only reaction.

“Please don't fight me, we've had enough of that already.” San surrenders.

“Not unless you say something.” Wooyoung says while arching one eyebrow trying to intimidate San but the slight quirk of his mouth upwards betrays him.

“We are not gonna talk about it, okay. Your favorite band then? Let's say it together, one, two, three!”

“Day6!”

“Wave to earth!”

And almost simultaneously they add,

“Oh, I like them too!”

“Wait, I like them too!”

At their same outburst, all it took was one look at their faces and two seconds to pass before they laughed at themselves.

“Well, that's good, we agree on something.” San says in bouts of laughter.

“You don't say,” Wooyoung says as he collects himself then throws another question.

“Introvert or extrovert?”

“Introvert.” San answers.

“Oh stop lying to me. You? Introvert?” Wooyoung doubtedly questions.

“What? I am though! I’d prefer staying home on most days!” San defends.

Their mini question and answer continued, not really minding if it's already 21 or they have long passed it. What Wooyoung knows though, is that he's learning more and more about San and about how they had more similarity than he expected. Wooyoung's eating his words here, but maybe he and San did really start on a bad note.

Because at this point, Wooyoung is just enjoying himself. San's questions are too random and he can't help but be playful in his answers too.

San says that he's not afraid of ghosts but just doesn't like them. Wooyoung thinks that's the same thing but San insists it's not. Whatever floats his boat, then?

Wooyoung says that his number one weakness is cucumbers and San answered too seriously with ‘when people lie ’ so they again laughed at the difference of their extremes.

There are a lot of similarities but they don’t get mad at their differences, instead, the two are accepting but with playful remarks that are not totally offensive.

“Seriously, cucumbers?” San mocks.

“Hey! That was the hardest time of my life!” Wooyoung defends himself.

“Have you watched Twilight?” Another random question from San.

“Seriously? Of course I did!” Wooyoung exclaims.

Then again, almost simultaneously they say,

“It's so romantic!”

“It sucked so bad!”

“What?”

“Excuse me?”

Then Wooyoung proceeded to explain how Edward is honestly a red flag and a stalker; the only saving grace is how pretty he is when the sun hits him.

“How is that romantic, huh, Sannie?”

Then San explains how Edward is a good man for always protecting his girl, and how he takes good care of her.

“And Youngie, he's not a stalker! He just wants his lover to be safe! That’s romantic!” San argues.

“Excuse me, they weren't lovers yet when Edward was stalking her! That's not romantic!”

They exchange banter but what's changed is that it's lighthearted. It wasn't heated like how they were arguing before; not even noticing how the both are comfortably calling the other by their nicknames.

They get along; they argue but not really fighting. If Wooyoung from two weeks ago was told he and San are getting along well right now and even laughing together, they'd be told a liar.

But Wooyoung appreciates it, nonetheless. The atmosphere they have right now, and how comfortable they have become just because of some few questions. He's actually glad that he won't need to tolerate his partner for the entirety of their project. There was relief in Wooyoung's mind and his heart felt light at the admission.

“Do you like mint choco?”

“Of course,”

“Oh really, I love it too!”

“Of course not, Sannie. Who even enjoys eating toothpaste.” Wooyoung rolls his eyes.

“You are actually annoying.” San says as his face deadpans.

“Don't tell me you also like pineapple in your pizza?” Wooyoung asks.

“And if I said yes, Young-ah?”

“Wow, you don't deserve any rights at all.” Now, Wooyoung deadpans.

“Seriously, are you a big hater of everything? Is there even a single romantic bone in your body?”

“Well, sorry for you, I do not have a lot of feelings.” 

“How can you say so?” San challenges that made Wooyoung pause for a second.

“Because my heart doesn't allow me to,” Wooyoung answers truthfully.

If San wants this game then Wooyoung will give it to him. They've been answering each other honestly, enjoying each other's presence, and knowing more and more about each other. What's another thing to discover, right? Wooyoung only hopes that San will carry those information carefully.

“Are you single?” San suddenly asks.

“I– how many questions are we in now?” Wooyoung now deflects.

Maybe that's enough questions for today.

“You know you can't answer me with another question,” San says while pouting, “are you in a relationship right now?”

“That's another question!”

“It's literally the same one, Woo.”

“I'm not.”

“Huh– oh, then ready to mingle?” San adds.

“It's my turn! You're not allowing me to ask!” Wooyoung complains.

“Well, to answer my own question, it's yes to both.”

“What?”

“That I'm single and ready to mingle.” San finishes.

Wooyoung's heart hammers in his chest; but surprisingly it doesn't suffocate him.

ㅡ

[part 4. mention someone you are grateful for]

HAECHAN: Mark-hyung.

SAN (behind the cam): Who is he to you?

HAECHAN: An enemy, a friend, my soulmate, and my boyfriend.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Enemy?

HAECHAN: There's a story to this actually. Me and Mark-hyung are childhood friends. But I was really playful as a child, you know? And since our parents are friends, we would always be together. Let’s just say that he’s mostly the receiver of my pranks. So he has hated me from a young age. I know, and he says that to close friends 'till now too.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): But you’re boyfriends now?

HAECHAN: Remember how I said I’m tamer now? It’s because of Mark-hyung. He hated me but he still is the reason for my character development. I’m not dense to say that I don’t know when I am crossing the line. I just have this petty pride sometimes. So when I’m extreme and the others are mild, then Mark is my middleground. Personally, I’m just confident. But people told me that I should tone down my confidence because it borderlines arrogance. But Mark doesn’t tell me to stop, that it’s okay to be unapologetically myself and he’s there to be beside me all the way. Maybe because he had seen me grow up that he understands how I fare to others. There was understanding beyond the hate and I'm thankful for him for that. I challenged him everyday but he took a chance with me. So that’s who he is to me; someone that stays, is patient, and accepts me as I am.

SAN (behind the cam): That’s a beautiful relationship you have there.

HAECHAN: Oh, thank you. Though I’m telling you it is not easy going here. Actually at some point, it also made me believe that maybe we will never get along. But here we are now. And not much has really changed! We still have those silly fights until now but I can say that we have changed for the better parts of ourselves. That’s why he’s the one I’m grateful for. 

ㅡ

things wooyoung noticed with his unique heart condition over the years:

3. when he's sad– shortness in breathes; slowed heartbeat

ㅡ♡

[part 1. do you have a current or past personal struggle?]

YUNHO: When I can’t or I don’t know how to say no to people.

[cut to]

MINGI: I don’t like vegetables.

[part 2. what do you do to cope with your problem?]

YUNHO: I gaslight myself. Being kind to others won't really hurt me, doesn't it? Which I later realized became unhealthy thinking.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Why do you say so?

YUNHO: Because I gaslight myself into thinking that they deserve some help sometimes. When they can't even do the same for me. I have a lot of people who borrow money from me and when they get mad when I ask for it back, I'd just let it pass and forget about it. If I'm more blessed than others then maybe that's fine. I don't really need the money back. But do I really deserve that treatment?

[cut to]

MINGI: I don’t– none, really. The veggie could be a snake on the table and I won’t move an inch.

SAN (behind the cam): Are you serious? This is really a personal struggle for you?

MINGI: Yes.

YUNHO (behind the cam): I’m afraid he is serious. Although, the metaphor about the snake is a big fat lie because I’m pretty sure he’d run for his life.

SAN (behind the cam): It’s the same thing though? He’d run from a vegetable and a snake.

YUNHO (behind the cam): Ah, you aren’t wrong either.

MINGI: Can you both shut up, please? This is my interview.

[part 3. have you overcome this struggle?]

YUNHO: Yes. I just don't allow people who I don't trust to borrow from me. I stopped gaslighting myself and now says no to people whom I know don't deserve my kindness.

[cut to]

MINGI: Yes. Although I am still picky with my vegetables, Yunho brings me to places where I can still eat healthily.

ㅡ

“Seriously, though, do the two of you really have to do that in my interview?” Mingi complains as San and Wooyoung start to pack up the filming equipment, while Yunho helps.

“That’s okay, Min, we'll be sure to use your footage. I know you hate getting your spotlight taken from you.” San deadpans.

“No, San, cut my part out, will you? You two made it seem like I'm so picky with my food and have a kid’s palate!” Mingi complains.

“Oh you're fine, Min. Don't overreact. Just think about how your answer will be used as an icebreaker ‘cause we got a couple of serious interviews! It'll be a unique touch to the documentary.” San teases.

“I'm not some kind of entertainment!” Mingi huffs.

“Mingi-ssi, I do think your interview is good. Everyone's struggles weigh differently.” Wooyoung says to placate the complaining man.

“Oh you are a good man, Wooyoung-ssi. But also can we stop with the –ssi's? I believe we are the same age too!” Mingi suggests.

“Oh, okay, sure.” Wooyoung agrees.

“Good! Now can you tell your partner to be at least a bit decent? He owed me my time, does he know?”

Wooyoung chuckles, “okay, Mingi,” then he faces San, “that he says,” Wooyoung informs the latter without any effort.

“Well then tell Mingi-ssi that I already brought him food for that. I'm not some ungrateful bitch like he tries to paint so our whining princess can stop his tantrums now.” San argues.

Wooyoung faces Mingi again and says, “he says he's not an ungrateful bitch and you're a whining princess.”

“Youngie, that's not all I said–” San interjects but Mingi whines again.

“Yunho, did you hear that?!” Mingi complains to his boyfriend.

“But he didn't say anything wrong, my princess.” Yunho adds.

“Don't agree with him, he has a crush on you!” Mingi shouts.

San chokes on air, “this motherfucker–that story had already passed! Keep up with the times will you!?”

“What was that?” Wooyoung confusedly asks.

“Wooyoung, do you know?! San has a crush on my Yunho! I just know he somehow hates me!” Mingi dramatically exclaims.

“Really–” Wooyoung stops his reply when suddenly it gets harder to breathe.

There is shortness in his breath and he feels his heartbeat slowing. So he takes slow but large inhales to try to level his breathing.

“I told you, it was just a stupid crush from high school!” San started as Wooyoung felt the other standing in front of him.

When did he get here?

“And stop your nonsense, I know you're only using that whenever you don't have anything to clap back at me ‘cause you can't accept losing!” San says.

“Oh, how I hate boy best friends.” Mingi quips as he rolls his eyes while Yunho only laughs at their exchange.

“Now, excuse us, we'll just get our things from the kitchen.” San announces and carefully leads Wooyoung to the kitchen with an arm on his shoulders.

Thankfully, Yunho and Mingi didn't notice Wooyoung heaving because of San covering him and quickly bringing him to the kitchen.

“Are you okay? Did you bring your medicine?” San asks fretfully.

“My bag's front pocket.” Wooyoung barely manages to croak out.

San makes Wooyoung sit and leaves his side for a bit as he gets his medicine and a glass of water.

Wooyoung takes his pill and waits a few minutes for it to take effect.

“Are you okay now?” San asks when he notices Wooyoung’s levelled breathing.

“Yeah, thank you.”

“Anytime, Young-ah. Should we go home now?” San suggests.

“Yeah, I kind of wanna rest.” Wooyoung answers.

“What’s taking both of you so long?” Yunho says as he enters the kitchen.

“Project talks? We just did an interview and we are partners, you know?” San lies.

“Okay, yeah, sure. By the way, Yeonjun told me he has a party this Saturday! You both should come!” Yunho says.

“Me too?” Wooyoung bewilderedly asks.

“Of course! Honestly, it’s an open party but aren’t you a friend of Yeonjun’s?” Yunho asks him.

“I–,” then Wooyoung gazes at San for a second before he answers Yunho again, “y–yeah, kind of like that.” Wooyoung settles on.

“Good! Hope to see you both there!” Yunho happily says before he disappears to the living room.

Wooyoung looks at San again and the latter is already looking at him with a knowing smile.

“Told you, you look friendly with Yeonjun, so why would you claim that you’re not friends with him?”

“Whatever, Sannie. I don’t really do friends.” Wooyoung sighs.

“But–,” Wooyoung stops him before San can even respond.

“But thank you. For stating it like that. It’s good to know. I may not call them my friends, but I still appreciate them. Hope that clears up something.” Wooyoung admits.

“Well, that’s not all that bad then,” And San is again smiling that dimpled smile of his.

Later that afternoon, Wooyoung meets his friend Yeosang at his apartment.

“How many boxes are there?” Wooyoung points out Yeosang’s hand as soon as he opens his door for his best friend.

“Two, duh?” Yeosang answers.

“Good, I don’t ever wanna share with you.”

“Same, same, bitch.”

It kind of became a tradition; that whenever Yeosang brings food, especially chicken, they have separate boxes. Call them gluttons or whatever, but you just never share chicken with the Kang Yeosang (he won’t give you a lot; or he’ll give you a stink eye that makes you think that you should have never even tried to ask for chicken from him).

“By the way, have you got your calming pills yet?” Yeosang asks as they settle at Wooyoung’s couch.

“Why? I still have enough, though?” Wooyoung answers.

“Really? When’s the last time you bought your pills?”

“Uh,” Wooyoung tries to remember, after a few seconds, “two weeks ago?” he answers hesitantly.

“And you still have enough? What have you been doing the past weeks?” Yeosang inquires.

“Normal student stuff? Although I’d say I’m busier because of my documentary.”

“The one with the Choi San you’re telling me?”

“Yes?” Wooyoung says as he raises an eyebrow at his friend, “what’s with the questions, anyway?” he adds.

“You’re okay around him now?”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes, “Do you think I fight with him our every meeting?” 

“You have an attitude, Woo, don’t act dumb with me,” Yeosang only states.

“Only to people who deserve it!” Wooyoung defends.

“Well, the last time you were telling me how San is infuriating, how your opinions clash and how you’ll stay away from him after your documentary. Did something change?” Yeosang says, pointing out every important detail he could because he’s Wooyoung’s best friend so of course, he has front seat privilege in everything that happens to Wooyoung (also because Wooyoung is just a huge yapper and Yeosang is a listener).

“Are you aware that views can change, Yeosangie?”

“Hmm,” Yeosang hums, giving Wooyoung an impassive stare.

“What is it now? I know that stare. May I remind you that I’m not one of your readings and stop analyzing my every action?” Wooyoung says.

“Well, I’m just thinking,” Yeosang starts.

To Wooyoung interjects, “Sometimes I wish you should just not,”

But Yeosang only continues, completely ignoring his friend, “Even if you are now somehow getting along with Choi San, it is unusual that you still have enough calming pills with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your heart condition; it can react to pressure, stress, most importantly your emotions, but could totally be at a random time. And with or without fighting with San, you have your documentary. I’ve warned you already, haven't I?” Yeosang explains.

He had this conversation with Yeosang before the documentary started: to avoid getting too personal with the people he will interview so it wouldn’t affect his heart.

It’s simple, really. Wooyoung’s heart condition may be a rare one, but he at least is aware of some symptoms. His heart can react to a strong emotion he’s feeling which is why he has always been careful of people, his surroundings, and every situation he is in. They need to be controlled so that Wooyoung can prepare himself and his emotions. He will never put himself in a situation he would not know the outcome of so he had always been guarded.

But this project is precarious for his fragile heart. He will need to ask people their struggles; already too personal if he was being honest. He will hear things that will evoke emotions in him and to subject himself to the thing he is avoiding for most of his life, it is difficult to even think about.

And it should have been difficult.

Now that Yeosang had pointed it out, Wooyoung worries how this isn’t an actual worry for him for the past weeks that he and San had been doing their documentary.

Yeosang had worried that it would put pressure on his heart so he had asked his best friend to be extra careful; not to mention that his heart could act up at random times too.

“I’m really fine, though.” Wooyoung bafflingly answers.

“When’s the last time you had an episode?”

“A while ago actually. We had an interview with San’s friends this morning and we were just talking when suddenly I felt my breathing slowing.”

“But weeks before that you were fine?”

“Yes, I never had an episode while interviewing, except today and this morning was our last interview.” Wooyoung states.

“And you were always with San at every interview?”

“Yes.” Wooyoung simply answers.

“Huh,” Yeosang says after a beat.

“What are you thinking again?” Wooyoung sighs.

“It’s just amusing how when you first met him, your heart kept on reacting then suddenly at peace for the weeks to come. Don’t you think it is worth thinking about?” Yeosang urges.

“Are you saying that I’m just overreacting and now that I know he’s a decent person, my heart also decides that it's at peace whenever he’s near?” Wooyoung says.

“You’re at peace whenever he’s near?” Yeosang repeats.

“I–,” Wooyoung stops to think, “I mean I’m normal–it’s as normal as it gets. I may have a bad first impression but he’s comfortable to be around. I’m just–fine. I’m okay when I’m with him. Just like when I’m with you.” Wooyoung reasons.

“Wooyoung, we’re literally best friends because I don’t have a lot of emotions to invoke you with. But San’s different. And you literally do your documentary with him.” Yeosang states.

“How is he different, Yeo? So what are you trying to say?”

Yeosang’s saying something; Something Wooyoung cannot pierce together completely. Why should San be different? Given that being with Yeosang had always been easy for his heart as his best friend always has a calm demeanor but what about San?

“I’m just saying,” Yeosang starts, trying to choose his words carefully, “that maybe San is the person you’ve been waiting for.”

“I have known him for only about more than a month, Yeo.”

“This is not about how long you’ve known him, Woo.”

“No, listen– just because we get along now doesn’t mean he’s something. For all I know, my first theory about how we shouldn’t be together is still true because I had an episode a while ago and he was there, Yeo.”

“But we both know that’s inconclusive, Woo. How many times has your heart been unpredictable?”

“And it still is, Yeo, always has been. So let me repeat: how can San be different?”

Wooyoung, so badly, wants to know. But Yeosang only stares at him, gazing with a hint of defeat and concern.

All his life, he's been enduring. The uncertainty of not meeting the one for him clawing at his every insides; the rejection his heart implies when his brain thinks there’s someone decent he’d like to try with. It was never easy. So a few weeks of peace with San can’t easily mean something.

“...it shouldn’t be this easy.” Wooyoung unconsciously mutters.

ㅡ

Wooyoung is at a party.

The first college house party he had ever attended.

It had already been established that Wooyoung only puts himself in situations that he can handle; never in places that could shock his heart into an emotion he wasn’t ready for. So being in a college party is totally uncalled for.

Why was he here, anyway?

Partly because he wanted to spite Yeosang for planting various ideas in his head from their previous conversation. And another part is because San is also here.

The latter reason is what Wooyoung wants to dwell into but still refuses to acknowledge.

Apparently, being in a party is giving him a much needed distraction.

After minutes of looking through the crowd, he finds San with Yunho. San looks like he’s having fun; those crescents on his eyes forming while his dimples show. 

It is unusual; how Wooyoung feels his heartbeat slowing, breathes getting shorter. He stands there, unable to move while looking at the two. Wooyoung tries to think, if this is just another random symptom. But at the same time, it is unusual how melancholy takes over his being.

“Oh, Wooyoung! It’s you! What are you doing here just standing?” Wooyoung quickly looks at the source of the voice; it was Mingi who saw him within the crowd.

But before Wooyoung could answer, Mingi shouts then, “San! Yunho! Wooyoung’s here!”

San and Yunho turn to them and when he and San lock eyes, Wooyoung’s suddenly at ease.

What was that?

They met halfway on the dancefloor then danced and drank until Wooyoung almost forgot why his heart was suddenly beating normally at the sight of crescent eyes and dimpled smile.

“Are you okay?” San says after a while.

San is sitting at the kitchen stool while Wooyoung stands at his side. Yunho and Mingi disappear somewhere after getting themselves some drinks, leaving the two of them in the kitchen.

Wooyoung doesn’t answer.

“Are you mad at something?” San asks after he forcefully pulls Wooyoung in his space, between his legs.

“I'm not? Let go,” Wooyoung answers but San holds him, one arm around his waist and not letting him go.

Now that makes Wooyoung mad, and he's already weak because of the alcohol, “I think that guy over there would appreciate your hold on him instead of me, actually. Can't you see them staring at you this whole time?”

“Can't see them,” San simply says while squeezing Wooyoung’s waist.

Well, obviously, because you're actually staring at me, idiot, but Wooyoung doesn't say that out loud; and he can feel his heart beating fast, but not hurting– unnaturally so.

“I think you're better off with them, so let go right now.”

“Why do you keep on mentioning that random stranger?” San complains.

“Because they want your attention? And maybe spend the night in your bed or whatever,” Now, that was uncalled for. Since when has Wooyoung been this unfiltered?

San only stares at him, gaze passive. But it was his next statement that leaves Wooyoung winded.

“I wouldn't do things to them that I would do to you, though.”

Wooyoung caught off guard, blushes; suddenly San's touches are searing, his hands going under his shirt, hand squeezing his flesh while the other holds his chin to keep their eyes locked and Wooyoung stiffens. San continues to lean his face forward, until their foreheads touch, lips just centimeters away–one more miniscule move and they'll be touching. But San turns his head a little to the side and speaks, “move away now or i'll kiss you.”

But Wooyoung doesn't move; almost wanting the same to happen–but his phone rings and he jumps away at the sound and vibration in his pocket so he hurries to say some excuse and out the room.

His heart was beating too fast but again–not hurting so.

ㅡ

[part 4. mention someone you are grateful for]

HANBIN: Hao-hyung.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam:) Who is he to you?

HANBIN: My precious gege, my other half, my soulmate.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): He's that special to you?

HANBIN: Yes! You know how I said I don't know how to cope with my struggles, right? But since meeting Hao-hyung, I became more sure of myself. I'd always find myself telling my real intentions because of his influence. I don't think a lot, I just say what the forefront of my brain tells me without any reservations. At first, I don't know why I get so honest with him but maybe because I know Hao-hyung is a steadfast person, only focusing on a certain goal, that I'm not afraid to treat him the same because it is what he deserves.

SAN (behind the cam): But wouldn't that spark some arguments? If both of you are too honest with each other, you're bound to clash, wouldn't you?

HANBIN: Yeah, exactly. It is mostly like that before. Hao-hyung is closed off at first and when I tried to get close to him before, he was pushing me away. Although I did understand him. Living in a different country is not easy and he came here alone, none of his friends or family with him in a foreign place.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): How did the two of you make it work, then?

HANBIN: I'm honest with him. Made him understand that I'm genuine with my intentions. I talked to him a lot, and got patient with him when he's adjusting to the language. But do you know? Hao-hyung really kept on pushing me away! He'd even try to fight me just so I'll stay away. But one time I caught him. We argued on something and he told me to leave him alone. So I did. But I noticed that I left my notebook with him so even if I wanted to give him space, I came back because I need to study for a test that day and I need my notes. And did you know what I came back to? Hao-hyung was pouting so hard and his eyes were watery. He really looked like he was trying so hard to stop his tears. I called his name and when he saw that I came back, it's when his tears finally shed; he literally bawled. So I hugged him and we said sorry to each other. Ever since then, if we fight, we try to talk about it immediately and not leave the other until our problem is resolved.

HAO (behind the cam): Wow, okay, you just made me look like a real cry baby.

HANBIN: Where is the lie, though?

HAO (behind the cam): No, you are more of the cry baby.

HANBIN: Haha, yeah, sure, Hao-hyung. Whatever you say.

SAN (behind the cam): I'm glad the both of you made it work, though.

HANBIN: Yes, I am too. Even if Hao-hyung was really in denial at first. But as soon as I knew that it was a way of protecting himself, I tried to be more understanding of him until he finally opened up to me.

HAO (behind the cam): I really appreciate it, though. Even if I was in denial and pushed him away a lot of times, he didn't give up on me. But I was just afraid; would anyone blame me for that?

HANBIN: No, hyung. But even if there was fear, you were brave. Even now, and I'll always be proud of you for that.

SAN (behind the cam): Oh but wait, if you don't mind me asking but are you two together? Did you mention that or did I just not hear it?

HANBIN: We aren't. We aren't together yet. But I'm courting my Hao-hyung and he knows that I like him. I'm sure we'll get there, though.

HAO (behind the cam): Oh wow, aren't you confident?

HANBIN: Well, if the man I like is blushing and affected because of me then who wouldn't be confident?

HAO (behind the cam): Oh, I hate you.

HANBIN: It's okay, my love can cover for both of us, hyung.

ㅡ

things wooyoung noticed with his unique heart condition over the years:

4. when he's happy or excited– also rapid beating that makes breathing hard

ㅡ♡

“Young-ah, do you remember what we talked about before?” San starts.

“Hmm?” Wooyoung only hums as drinks his iced coffee and milk tea for San. They are at Hangang to talk about their documentary, seated on a bench to be comfortable.

“If we should add the part where our interviewers say the people they are grateful for.” San answers.

“Ah, that part.” Wooyoung only says.

“I’m not telling you this just so we have something to argue about again. Because for me, I’ve always been dependent of people. I have a lot to be thankful to and I aspire to be that kind of person to others too. Honestly, I have a lot of personal struggles too. It really doesn’t have to always be a big one. In terms of emotions or feelings, it matters if it affects you. And even while doing this documentary, I realized that people have their own stories. It's touching in its own way but more beautiful when they are with people they love. You share the happiness, the sadness, and the pain. That maybe whatever hurdles life gives you, it will be more bearable if you share it with the people you trust. And that’s what I want to impart through our documentary.” San expresses.

Wooyoung listens, and tries to grasp the meaning behind San’s words.

“I still don’t understand, Sannie,” Wooyoung says after a pause.

At that, San’s expression drops. 

“Do you know? I didn’t meet a lot of people until highschool. Because I’ve been homeschooled. But even before that, I was already guarded; cautious of building relationships. When you have a condition like mine, you have to be careful of your actions, and you have to be in control of your emotions. But this is a rare heart condition with no cure; or at least from the current state of medicine so I’m resigned to the fact that I have to do everything by myself. That’s why I don’t understand, Sannie.” Wooyoung pauses to speak to look at San.

San’s expression is unreadable but it is serene. He didn’t have the words to properly express what he feels but Wooyoung can see the gentle regard in his eyes. And maybe that is what Wooyoung needs right now, just for San to listen.

Silence fills them both, only the sound of laughter from people around, bike chimes, muted conversations, and the strumming of a guitar from afar is heard.

It is after a few more seconds before San breaks the quietness.

“We are different, then. From a young age, I’ve always loved to be around people. Because my parents taught me and gave me a lot of love, I also knew how to give love. Or at least in my own way. To love and to trust… it is easy. What’s difficult is what comes after. I may be genuine in my intention but people can see it a different way and we can’t always guarantee that the other person will see you in the same light. But to trust is to also have expectations. That hopeful feeling to receive the same type of affection you’re giving out. It doesn’t always work out but I give it away, anyway.” San divulges.

“Doesn’t that hurt you?” Wooyoung asks in a soft voice.

“It did. It can. But what did I tell you? I have a lot of love to give, especially to people who are important to me.” San replies and looks at him with a fond smile on his face.

And Wooyoung can only stare back in admiration.

“Okay, I agree with you. We can add that part in our documentary.” Wooyoung relents.

“Thank you! We'll do great in this, Young-ah.”

“I know.”

Another silence surrounded them. But it was comfortable. Because it wasn't only about Wooyoung and San getting along and finally agreeing on the direction of their documentary, but also because of how they laid their hearts out to each other and all feels well. No judgement, only genuine feelings of understanding each other despite their differences.

San grew up with a lot of people around him, Wooyoung didn't. San is loud regarding his feelings, Wooyoung keeps it quietly hidden.

San's adventurous whilst Wooyoung’s cautious; this sentiment that Wooyoung had since the start but now isn't covered with malice. Because instead of pushing San away, he's willing to take a risk this time. San makes Wooyoung want to take a chance with him this time.

“I do not have a lot of trust in people.” Wooyoung tells.

“Hmm, and that’s okay.” San assents.

“I find it hard to communicate my feelings.” Wooyoung adds.

“Okay.”

“And I can't just give my love to anyone.” Wooyoung continues.

“Okay, Young-ah.”

“But I want to understand you this time.”

Wooyoung didn't know that San's smile could get any brighter. It makes Wooyoung believe that even if the sun is setting to leave the world in darkness, his San will still be able to cast a light in his life.

“Should we go around the park?” San says when he stands, offering his hand for Wooyoung to hold.

Wooyoung nods and takes the hand in front of him.

That night, when the sun had set and the street lights brightened up the darkening streets, San held Wooyoung's hands as they strolled along the Han river. The night winds were chilly but the warmth he felt in his hands was enough; the presence of his own sun beside him was enough.

That night, Wooyoung's heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He feels of happiness that it almost suffocates him– but not necessarily hurting him so.

ㅡ

[part 4. mention someone you are grateful for]

MINJEONG: Karina.

SAN (behind the cam): Who is she to you?

MINJEONG: My protector?

SAN (behind the cam): Why do you sound like you're not sure?

MINJEONG: Well, let me think, okay. She's… I'm just thankful that she's with me. I don't know if I deserve her presence with me at all. We are too different, you know? She's the kind of person that should be out there; being appreciated by a lot more people because she has a good soul. But as for me… I only wanted to stay in my own space. My own bubble to protect my peace. But I can't always have that, can I? I also need to go out there. I really try, too. But whenever I try there's Karina– my Jimin-unnie to be beside me all the time. And I will forever be thankful for that.

SAN (behind the cam): So how is she your protector?

MINJEONG: When my social anxiety gets to me, she notices immediately. She'd ask me if I needed to go, I'd say yes, and she'd go with me. Always, I told her that she didn't need to. But most times she'd ignore my reply. I appreciate her a lot but I never wanted her to sacrifice her place outside, where she belongs with people, to be stuck in a closed room with me. But she says that it doesn't matter; protecting my peace was important for her.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): You gave up your own space for her?

MINJEONG: Hmm, I wouldn't call it as something I've given up. If before I only wanted to have my own space, I later realized that Karina belonged in it too. That also maybe because our difference balances us out that being with her is easier.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Easier?

MINJEONG: Easier in a sense that she also makes me want to go out there and forget my social anxiety even for a few minutes. Easier by allowing her in my space and feeling her comfort.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): I do think that's nice.

MINJEONG: Yeah… it is. So she's the person I'm most grateful for. I still may not be able to overcome my social anxiety but by being beside her, everything can be not overwhelming all the time. And that also despite our differences, she can find her own peace with me. 

SAN (behind the cam): So you're also her protector.

MINJEONG: You could say… yes. We are each other's protectors when the world gets a little too much.

ㅡ

things wooyoung noticed with his unique heart condition over the years:

5. when he feels like falling in love– heartburn; like his heart is telling him that they're not the person for him

ㅡ♡

Wooyoung wakes up with his heart burning.

In his stroke of unluckiness, his pills can only cure him of his arrhythmia.

He hasn't felt this feeling in a long time so maybe distracting himself will work. He immediately calls someone he knows he doesn't mind bothering.

“Do you think burning myself would be better than my heart hurting?” Wooyoung says when the video call picks up.

“Oh wow, good morning to you too? Do we not do greetings now? No hi, hello?” Yeosang quips from behind the line.

“Well, I'm sorry I cannot find in myself to be decent right now.” Wooyoung answers.

“You just woke up?” Yeosang asks.

“Exactly. How do I even function right now? Not properly perhaps.”

“I kind of forgot you are more of a hater in most days.” Yeosang only says.

“Really? Then how am I aside from most days?”

“Like life is actually worth living, ‘my heart calms when I'm with San’ kinda type.” Yeosang states.

Wooyoung's burning again, perhaps around his cheeks and ears, not just his heart.

“Since when are you a liar, Yeo?” Wooyoung says, not noticing the sound of another recipient joining the call.

“What's with the San mention?” Seonghwa interjects.

Wooyoung kind of forgot that he called their group chat.

“You know I'm straightforward as fuck and can't lie for shit so what are you spewing, Jung Wooyoung?” Yeosang retorts.

Seonghwa gasps dramatically, “Language?!”

“I'm sorry mother, I'm just clearly matching your youngest's energy.” Yeosang counters.

“Why? What's with Wooyoung? And you still haven't answered me about the San mention. What did I miss?” Seonghwa bombards them with questions. 

“Wow, that's a lot of questions. I feel like not answering.” Wooyoung sarcastically replies. 

“This kid–”

“See? He woke up too grumpy on this fine weekend morning.” Yeosang says.

“Why?” Seonghwa again questions.

“Should I not then? Do I have to have an uplifting attitude the moment I wake up? Would saying ‘good morning!’ with a big smile on my face to make my day start better?”

No one replies but Wooyoung's sure he heard a sigh.

“I'm serious now, what is happening?” Seonghwa asks again.

“Nothing. I'm just thinking about world peace or burning myself, maybe.”

“Yeo, tell me.” Seonghwa defeatedly says when Wooyoung still isn't answering properly.

“He woke up with a heartburn, I think.” Yeosang responds.

“A heartburn?”

“But I think it's not, though.” Yeosang adds.

Wooyoung groans, throwing his hands up in the air while saying, “oh, because you're so smart, Kang Yeosang!”

“What? You were feeling so light and happy last night, what changed?” Yeosang retorts.

“What literally changed is because my heart is burning right now, Yeosang! Do you think I don't know what this means?” Wooyoung exclaims.

“Are you sure?”

“Uh– huh?”

“Are you sure it is the same heartburn we've known? Because you look too fine for me, Jung Wooyoung.” Yeosang claims.

“I know what I feel, Kang Yeosang.”

“Both of you, stop. We all know that you two will only regret it later if you fight now. Cool your heads, both of you.” Seonghwa interjects before their fight escalates.

“I'm sorry, hyung.” Wooyoung says.

“I'm sorry too. But I need to say this,” Yeosang starts.

“What now–” Wooyoung exclaims but Yeosang ignores him.

“I need you to know that your heart has always been unpredictable, Youngie. But there's a possibility that your symptoms from before may not be applicable this time. Why can't you dwell on that first? That San could be different this time?” Yeosang says.

“What's there to think about, Yeo? Do you really want me to suffer that badly? I'm not like you that could love freely; you who has someone that you love and love you back! Just because you and Jongho are both cowards doesn't mean you can project your ideals on me.”

“Wooyoung, you–” Yeosang interjects, hurt evident in his face but Wooyoung still continues to speak.

“I tell you about San a few times and you think he's the one for me–”

“That, Wooyoung!” Yeosang shouts that made the younger stop speaking.

“It is because you tell me about San that all I can think about is how you're happy and calm and light when you're talking about him. You're not hurting, Woo. You look, feel, and sound at peace… you are not hurting; not suffocating, not anything. I've seen you a lot of times in pain to only want what's best for you.” Yeosang heaves.

Wooyoung stares at his phone screen, but not seeing his best friend. Yeosang must have placed the phone on the bedside table, gadget facing the ceiling. But Wooyoung knows, and can hear in the older's voice, that his words had hurt him.

“Yeo, I'm–”

“And I don't know about you, but there's no use in loving freely if I can't have the person to myself; to call the person I love mine because of our own issues. But you… you have your chance right now. Nothing can ever stop you or that heart of yours but only yourself right now, Wooyoung-ah. Only if you listen to it and stop being in denial of your own feelings.” Yeosang finishes and leaves the call.

“Wait!” Wooyoung says as he scrambles at his phone to ring his best friend again.

“Stop, Wooyoung-ah. Just give you and Yeosang some time.” Seonghwa says, after listening to both of them. He may have stopped them the first time but maybe it is for the better to fight this time. He trusts them both to come back, anyway.

“But I didn't mean it, hyung. I was wrong and was just mad–" Just like how he hurt his friend, his heart punishes him instead. 

“Woo?! Do you have your medicine near you?!” Seonghwa panics.

Wooyoung scrambles at his bedside table, opening his drawer and swallows a pill dryly.

“Breathe with me, Wooyoung-ah,” Seonghwa says as he follows his hyung's words. Inhale, exhale.

He feels himself calming after a few seconds.

And maybe Seonghwa is regretting letting the two boys fight when it is Wooyoung who'd suffer more because of the stress it will give to his heart.

“I'm sorry, Woo. Maybe I really should have stopped you both from fighting. Are you okay now?” Seonghwa worriedly asks.

“No, I'm sorry, hyung. I really set myself up on this. I should have known.” Wooyoung dejectedly says.

“But I do think you should think about what Yeosang had said, Woo. You know he only cares about you; we do.” Seonghwa mentions.

“I know, hyung.”

“Are you staying home today?” Seonghwa asks after a beat.

“Yes, our argument just drained me.” Wooyoung answers.

“Good. I'll let San know.”

“What?” Wooyoung bewilderedly asks.

“Just talk it out, Woo. Anyway, bye!” Seonghwa says before ending the call.

“Wait– no!” But Wooyoung only hears the sound of the line ending.

ㅡ

[part 4. mention someone you are grateful for]

JONGHO: Yeosang-hyung.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Who is he to you?

JONGHO: A special someone.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): You are grateful to him because?

JONGHO: Wait, why does this feel like I'm being interrogated?

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Well, my bad if you think of it like that. But may I remind you that I'm the best friend of your special someone.

JONGHO: This is an interrogation.

SAN (behind the cam): Please, don't mind him. You can answer comfortably.

JONGHO: I'll try.

SAN (behind the cam): Stop glaring, Wooyoung!

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): I'm not!

SAN (behind the cam): Then at least try to get off your RBF.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Okay, fine.

SAN (behind the cam): So where are we? Right, why are you grateful to him?

JONGHO: Because Yeosang-hyung has always been understanding and I like his company a lot. I am a working student so I always have a lot on my plate. I juggle between studying and working, allocating time responsibly so I can do both of them without much issues. I have a scholarship to maintain and a part-time job to keep myself sustained. But hyung is my support system. He makes me want to continue what I'm doing, reminding me that my hard work will pay off someday, that everything will be worth it in the end. Although there are times that I find myself not believing that everything will be better soon and I feel like I'm failing, Yeosang-hyung tells me that it's okay. Falling down doesn't mean that I will forever stay on the ground but I will still have a chance to stand up again and try. That what's really important is the honest process and passion to guarantee success.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): You speak of him highly. But is he really just a special someone? Not someone worth taking a risk for?

JONGHO: I’ve thought about it. A lot of times. But sometimes love isn’t enough for a relationship to work. A relationship should work two-ways but it would only be disrespectful to either of us if we are not ready for it. It would be unfair for our feelings and we both don’t deserve that. And at least for me… I want to be the best version of myself, not someone who’s insecure about a lot of things. Only then I would deem myself worthy of his love. But for now, I strive to be better; for him but most especially for myself.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): That’s so stupid.

SAN (behind the cam): Wooyoung-ah.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Both of you are stupid.

SAN (behind the cam): He understands you both. I’m so sure he’s just frustrated at the situation, not at you, so he doesn’t mean to be offensive.

JONGHO: It’s okay, San-ssi. I get it.

ㅡ

additional on the list whenever san is near:

6. unnatural calmness

7. safe and sound

8. pleasant warmth

ㅡ♡

“You really are here.” Wooyoung says the moment he opens his apartment door.

“I brought food?” San offers. 

“Wrong address. I didn't order that. Try next door,” Wooyoung says as he attempts to close the door but San stops him.

“Wait! Are you really closing the door on me? When I can make you some ramyeon?” San pleads.

Wooyoung stares at the other; lip jutting in a pout as his eyes sparkle in hope. Now, who could ever reject those sad kitten eyes?

Wooyoung can, so he attempts to close the door again but San stops him, pushing his way inside while grabbing Wooyoung's shoulders to turn him around and push his back to walk him inside his apartment.

“Are you really trespassing right now?” Wooyoung accuses but doesn't really do anything to retaliate.

“Am not.” San innocently answers.

They reached his living room and he sat Wooyoung on his couch.

For those big muscles and the strength he used to push the door on Wooyoung, San sure is wasting them by handling Wooyoung gently when he pushed him inside and sat him down. He's only lucky that Wooyoung doesn't have a lot of energy in him to counter the trespasser.

Or maybe because that it's San that Wooyoung knows he won't do anything wrong ever unnecessarily.

“I'll use your stove, okay.” San informs him.

“Okay, whatever.” Wooyoung only answers as he slumps in his couch then reaches for the remote to browse Netflix.

“Do you wanna watch Twilight?” Wooyoung asks.

“I thought you didn't like that movie?” San asks, busy with whatever he's doing in the kitchen just across the living room.

“Yeah, but I could use it to blow some steam and harshly criticise the movie in your face. I'll make you understand what's wrong in it scene by scene.”

“Ha-ha, funny, Wooyoung. Yeah, we are not watching Twilight.”

“Tch, no fun.”

In the end, Wooyoung ends up playing Tangled. No reason as to why he chose the movie but maybe it will make him feel something. Or just because he loves the soundtracks too.

A few minutes into the movie, San comes back to the living room with a pot in his hold. He places them down on the coffee table and maybe Wooyoung's glad to allow San in his apartment after all. San came back to the kitchen about two more times to bring the utensils and some other side dishes then they settled on the floor to eat more comfortably.

“I didn't know you could cook.” Wooyoung says as he sips some soup.

“I can cook ramyeon.”

“Just ramyeon?”

“No. Some other basic easy cooking meals but that's just literally it.” San admits.

“Well, this is good, anyway.” Wooyoung compliments him which made the other smile.

“Thank you. Eat well, Young-ah.”

And eat well, Wooyoung did. There was good food and good movie playing; tranquil atmosphere with just the sound of them slurping and munching are heard aside from the tv.

Moments later, Wooyoung can feel it again. His heart burning.

What a crazy feeling.

Everything seems crazy since he first opened his eyes this morning.

He and Yeosang fought. Then San came and cooked him food. It was crazily domestic to see the older in his kitchen; broad back facing him as prepares their meal while Wooyoung waited cosily on his couch. Them sharing a meal while watching a romantic movie.

Crazy. Maybe he's meant to lose his mind today.

“I wish I had that Sundrop flower.” Wooyoung suddenly speaks.

“Sundrop flower?”

“That yellow flower that Mother Gothel wants so bad.” Wooyoung answers.

“Why?”

“So I could heal myself.”

“Oh,” Was San's only reply.

And it seems like he isn't gonna speak anytime soon so Wooyoung continues.

“Do you wanna hear a legend?” Wooyoung asks to which San only nods.

“There's a certain boy who's born with a unique heart ailment. He's born with a weak heart that modern medicine had deemed incurable. But do you know the one thing that could heal him? True love. To meet that specific someone destined for him to complete him.” Wooyoung tells.

“That's interesting.” Is San's only reaction.

But also, he's staring at him scrutinizingly.

“What do you think?” Wooyoung asks.

“I think it's beautiful.” San answers.

“Don't you also think so? I've loved it since I was a child.” Wooyoung professes.

“Wooyoung-ah,” San calls his name fondly.

“Sannie…” Wooyoung starts but not looking at the other; trying to formulate his thoughts, wanting to convey his feelings properly.

“Sannie, I have something I don't understand right now.” Wooyoung says softly, his head hanging low.

“What is it, hm? Tell me, Young-ah.” San replies, voice also soft, then he holds one of Wooyoung's hands.

Wooyoung appreciates the warmth.

“Since I was young, I know that I have a weak heart. So I’ve always been careful. I thought I am used to it but occasionally, it still makes me scared. Sometimes at random, or when I’m happy or excited, I choke on air because the rapid beating of my heart can’t keep up with my breathing. When I’m mad, it feels like someone’s squeezing the inside of my chest, leaving a heavy feeling. And when I’m sad, there’s shortness in my breath and the way my heartbeat slows scares me thinking if there’s enough oxygen that still flows in my system. But there’s a temporary solution to that; I have my calming medicine to take. But do you know what scares me the most?” Wooyoung says, bringing his head up to look at San.

San only looked at him; his eyes expressing curiosity that was enough to make Wooyoung continue speaking.

“It’s when my heart burns. It’s like it’s physically telling me that who I happen to like is the wrong person. That they are not the one to heal and complete me. I never even tried confessing my feelings to anyone– because of this fear I have in me that if I confessed to the wrong person that my heart will take it as a betrayal to my destined one and give up on me. To just… stop beating all of a sudden.” Wooyoung divulges.

“Wooyoung-ah,” San calls, his tone carrying a lot of emotions; and like a siren captivating him near.

Wooyoung follows his voice, or was it San who was pulling? But it so happened that he’s now straddling San’s lap, their hands holding in between them while their foreheads touch.

“My heart is burning right now, Sannie. And I’m scared.” Wooyoung confesses as a lone tear glides down his cheek.

San squeezes his hands at the admission. And if Wooyoung focuses enough, he’d feel him shaking.

“But you had given me new symptoms too, Sannie. And I’ll stop being in denial at least for this moment.

“The unnatural calmness inside me whenever you’re around that makes me feel safe and sound. That my heart could be beating rapidly but it doesn’t hurt me so. With you I feel serene, a stillness that contradicts the rather tumultuous life I’ve had before meeting you. And lastly, there was warmth. Like a warm blanket keeping me safe and it comforts me. You made me feel all these things, Sannie. Things I’ve never felt in someone before. So maybe… just maybe, I want to risk it. I’m still scared, but even if my heart stops beating right this second, I don’t wanna regret anything. All my life my heart has dictated for me, but all I want is to choose for myself this time.” Wooyoung finishes, followed by his sobs that almost shakes his whole body.

“Wooyoung?” San calls him and tries so hard to see through his tears.

Is San also crying?

“But what if you don’t have to risk anything at all?” San softly asks.

“I–I don’t know, Sannie,” Wooyoung answers, still sobbing.

“Is your heart still burning, Young-ah?”

Wooyoung nods.

“Is it hurting you right now? Are you in pain, my Young-ah?”

Wooyoung stills, “I–I don’t know. I’m not sure… it’s confusing me.”

“Then… would you take a chance with me, my beloved?”

Wooyoung sobs, but then he nods.

Almost instantly, he feels a soft press of lips on his own. It was tentative at first; one peck, then another. Until Wooyoung winds his arms around San’s neck and San embraces Wooyoung’s waist; simultaneously bringing their bodies closer as their mouths clash with renewed fervor.

They make out like it could convey the feelings they are both hiding from each other. And how their lips slot together perfectly as if they were specifically molded to match each other.

They parted for air, leaving Wooyoung panting while San continued to shower his face with kisses like he could also kiss the dried tears away.

San kisses him on the lips again; but this time a soft press, delicate but full of affection. Then he feels him reach for Wooyoung’s hand, bringing it to place directly above his chest–his heart.

“What do you feel, Young-ah?” San asks him.

“I–you feel warm… and your heart beating fast and pounding hard.” Wooyoung answers.

Then San holds his hand again, bringing it to his own chest this time.

“What do you feel, Young-ah?” San asks again.

“It’s just my chest… feeling warm. And my heart… beating fast and hard.” Wooyoung answers the same thing.

“Does this hurt you right now?” San asks this time, pertaining to the feeling in his own chest.

Wooyoung’s heart is still burning; along with it beating fast and hard. But he isn’t hurting–not suffocating, not the kind of pain that scares him.

Wooyoung’s tears fell again before he even realized. But this time he’s sure it’s of happiness; of relief; and that realization where San may be right and he doesn’t need to risk anything.

ㅡ

[part 4. mention someone you are grateful for]

MINGI: Isn’t it obvious? Of course, it’s Yunho.

SAN (behind the cam): Who is he to you?

MINGI: My boyfriend.

SAN (behind the cam): How are you grateful to him for not eating vegetables?

MINGI: That question sounds so stupid but I know you're doing it on purpose. Whatever. It's about the small details, okay? I don't eat a lot of vegetables but believe it or not, I can swallow them if they're combined with other food. Like meat or some viand, for example. And I really appreciate him for that. There's a lot of people that have told me to just eat it, that I need to stop being so picky as I'm getting older ‘cause it helps me to keep healthy as I age anyway. But what those people don't understand is that we all have different palates, but I never judged them for eating a lot of vegetables, didn't I?

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): That's a nice perspective to know.

MINGI: Thank you. Anyway, that's my answer to your last question. I'm truly grateful to Yunho because he isn't the type to force me with something I don't like but instead, he adjusts some conditions to cater to my wellbeing. And I'm really glad that he accepts me for who I am, respects me despite my flaws.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): The relationship between the two of you is really admirable.

MINGI: I know. Thank you!

[cut to]

SEONGHWA: Hongjoong.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): Who is he to you?

SEONGHWA: My boyfriend!

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): You had a really big smile on your face when you said that.

SEONGHWA: Well, I’m just glad I could talk about my admirable boyfriend here like this. I’m very proud of him, you know.

WOOYOUNG (behind the cam): We can tell.

SAN (behind the cam): How are you grateful to him?

SEONGHWA: For a lot of things. He’s not initially good with his words so he compensates with actions instead. He also notices whenever I’m spiralling, when I feel insecure about a lot of things about my physical appearance, so he does his best to dissolve my worries. I like skirts and heels so he wears them with me. I like hair clips in my hair so he puts them on for me. These are the little things but they mean so much to me. Oh! Also recently, he’s been giving me poems. It’s really so sweet! And I feel proud of him for that; for trying to be better in expressing his feelings.

SAN (behind the cam): Ah, that’s really romantic.

SEONGHWA: You think so? I just really love and appreciate him-my Joongie. You know, he said something to me before that made me realise that I really love him with my whole being. He had thanked me for listening to him; to not judging him easily because of his sharp and straightforward words. That he may have difficulties expressing himself, he strives to be better, not just for himself but for me too. Because he doesn’t want to hurt me or all the people he loves. And that really touched my heart deeply. I’m glad that he’s changing for the better, because of me and for me.

SAN (behind the cam): That’s… beautiful, Seonghwa-ssi.

SEONGHWA: But he said that all to me when all I know is that he’s the one who’s doing more for me. He goes out of his way just to make me feel valid and accepted, that I should just be me, and do this for me. Because I’m beautiful in my own way and no amount of societal standards should matter if I start setting standards that’s kind on myself that will make myself comfortable; that I should respect myself first before I listen to others, because it is what I deserve. That’s when I realized that being with the right people will also help you improve as a person. And I’m just more than content that we could love each other along the way.

ㅡ

“Faster, Sannie!” Wooyoung almost runs as soon as San parked his car.

“Wait for me, Young-ah,” San can only chuckle at his lover's giddiness.

After much thinking (and before Wooyoung can adopt every kitten at the adoption center), they are finally adopting the black kitten that Wooyoung claims he resembles.

This was a huge step for Wooyoung.

Adopting a little furball will mean he will need to keep it enough attention and love for it to grow happy and healthy. And also for Wooyoung to readily give out affection and not hurt himself in the process.

Although he believes that everything will go well because he has San with him.

They entered the pet adoption center, talked to some staff, signed some papers, and finally, cradling the kitten in his hands.

“She's so cute, Sannie.” Wooyoung says softly, eyes watering.

“Oh, my love, do not cry now.” San teases.

“Am not,” Wooyoung denies as he pouts, lower lip trembling.

“I will be the best furdad ever. Oh, I love you already.” Wooyoung coos, talking to the kitten that is calm in his palm, little eyes staring and curious at Wooyoung.

After a few more minutes of gushing, San tells Wooyoung that they should go.

“Let's go, my love. I know she'll be glad to arrive at her new home too.”

To say that Wooyoung is prepared is surely underestimating him. He made sure to have every cat essential and not, just to keep his kitten happy and healthy in his apartment.

Now his kitten (he still hasn't decided on a name), is sleeping on her cat bed and Wooyoung can only stare in awe at the little one.

“I'm so happy right now, Sannie. I feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest.” Wooyoung says.

He didn't expect San to panic at his statement, though.

“Are you okay? Can you breathe?” San worries as he grabs his shoulders to look him over.

“I'm fine, Sannie. I have you right now, aren't I?” Wooyoung replies with a big smile on his face.

San lets out a relieved sigh, “don't just say that, then.” he says and he pouts.

To which Wooyoung laughs at, “Okay, okay, my heart. I won't.” he replies as he pinches the other's cheeks.

Wooyoung then looks at his lover; hands now resting along his jaw.

“What is it?” San asks when Wooyoung just continued to stare.

Wooyoung smiles, fondly. A sight that has San melting. His Wooyoung had been smiley and bright and free since they got together.

It is safe to say that even after the confession, Wooyoung stayed cautious. Even more than he expected and that made him all the more scared. Scared that, what if this was all temporary? That somewhere along the way, something bad might happen?

But he is here now; he has found San. And his heart had never felt this light in his years of living.

And maybe that reason exactly, is what made Wooyoung terrified.

His heart chose San; he, himself, had also chosen San. But what about the other?

San can live without him but Wooyoung can't.

So he got terrified but he can't do anything about it. He had still clung to San, never leaving his side if he could.

He calls San when his thoughts get a little more than unkind. He holds San's hand like that is enough to keep him from leaving. He clings to his arm when someone new talks to San and maybe glaring will do the trick to make them leave. He hugs San when he feels lonely. And he kisses San to ground himself; that his love–his heart is here and he's healing.

Wooyoung is getting greedy and he's afraid that San will get suffocated by him.

But San rushes over when he calls him and dispels him of his worries. San holds his hand, always giving him a reassuring squeeze before he intertwines them. San laughs at his jealousy but later reassures Wooyoung that no one will easily replace him. San hugs him back, embracing him letting their chests touch as he whispers to Wooyoung that his heart only beats for him like this. And he kisses Wooyoung back, with a fiery passion that his feelings and affections will be conveyed without saying it out loud.

Wooyoung may be greedy but San is selfless.

And they make it work because their love is a devotion.

So Wooyoung basks in these feelings; not knowing what to answer San first but he just continues to stare, and his heart ever patient.

“Thank you.” Wooyoung settles on.

“For what?” San softly asks.

“For allowing me to get a cat.” Wooyoung replies.

“But isn't this what you wanted? It's your choice to get a cat, my love.”

“Yes, but it is you that allowed me to adopt her.” Wooyoung says, getting emotional.

“All my life, I've been cautious. And I want so badly to adopt a cat but a certain heartbreak from my childhood didn't allow me to. I know pets have shorter lifespans than humans but my condition doesn't even let me mourn my loss properly. I can't reminisce about our past cat because it physically hurts me and it gets exhausting. So I tried so hard to forget about her to rid me of the pain. But now that I'm allowed to adopt a new one, I get this guilty feeling because I now can't remember my first one and she doesn't deserve that. She should at least live in my memories but I forgot about her.” Wooyoung then sobs, at the memory he had once forgotten.

“Wooyoung-ah,” San calls him tenderly as he places their hands between them, holding them.

“You only did what you can to prioritize yourself, Young-ah, you shouldn't blame yourself for that. And I can tell that you didn't completely forget about her, my love. Now let's give your new little one the love you failed to express after she passed, okay? She will live in your memories while making new memories because that's what all of you deserve.” San tries to make peace with him.

Wooyoung's tears continue to fall but he nods at San's words.

“I have a lot more that I wanted to try that I couldn't before.” Wooyoung said when he calmed down.

“What are those, my love? We'll do it all.”

“I want to try ice skating.”

“Sure, we will.”

“I want to hike up a mountain. To try ziplines!”

“Of course. What else, hm?”

“Amusement park! We'll try various extreme rides,” Wooyoung continues.

“We could do that,”

“A haunted house too!” Wooyoung suggests.

“That's a bit, um,”

“Bungee jumping too!” Wooyoung excitedly adds.

“My love, let's slow down,” San says, with hesitance in his voice.

“Why? What's wrong, my heart? Won't you do it with me?” Wooyoung even uses his pout and whiny voice that he knows San is weak of.

But Wooyoung breaks character when the side of his mouth upturns and it's now San's turn to pout.

“Now you're just teasing me,”

“You'll do it with me, right?!” Wooyoung urges.

And San is only a weak man.

“Okay, my love,” He replies as he nods.

Wooyoung hugs him in return, his giggles resonating through his body that makes it all well; because Wooyoung's happiness is also San's to share.

“Thank you, my heart.” Wooyoung then says when he leans his forehead to his lover.

And when words are not enough to express their devotion, their bodies can do the talking.

San kisses Wooyoung, pouring out his feelings that the younger receives well. All the while their hands roam each other's bodies, San's hands on Wooyoung's waist, and the latter's around the older's neck.

Don't ask Wooyoung but as if they're like magnets, he's straddling San with his legs wrapped around his torso.

San breaks their kiss to lap at his jaw, then neck in a bruising kiss that got Wooyoung arching; San's hand supporting him from behind to keep their bodies touching.

Let it be known that Wooyoung is greedy; greedy for his lover's kisses so he pulls San from his neck and kisses him instead. But San can also be selfish; so he hauls himself and Wooyoung up, hands supporting his thighs as Wooyoung keeps his legs around San's torso tighter.

There is a burning feeling inside the both of them that's difficult to break; not one of them trying to stop it, anyway.

San places Wooyoung down his bed gently and Wooyoung looks up at his lover who's above him.

To meet his true love, and to be handled this gently; never did Wooyoung expect for such a day to come.

But San found him, and Wooyoung met his only love.

“Let me take care of you, my love.”

“I trust you, my heart.”

Always and forever.