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Laughter echoed through Izuku’s room as he shoved Katsuki’s shoulder lightly.
“Kacchan! You can’t really believe the last All Might movie was the best one.”
Katsuki scoffed and shoved him back, a little harder but still gentle.
“Of course it was, the CGI was insane.”
“But the Toxic Chainsaw one was so good. They had All Might as the stunt double!”
“Yeah, and he’s a shitty actor.”
“Kacchan!”
Izuku broke out into a fit of giggles, laying back on the bed to look at the ceiling. He could feel Katsuki’s eyes on him, and could practically see the small smile on his face.
They fell into a comfortable silence, Katsuki laying next to him and reaching a hand up to twist green hair through his fingers. After a while it was him who broke the silence, a barely audible, “Izuku…” falling from his lips.
Izuku turned his head, taking in the odd look on Katsuki’s face.
“Kacchan? What’s wrong?”
Before Katsuki could answer Inko walked in, a small smile on her face as she placed a cup of hot chocolate on his bedside table. Izuku smiled at her, thanking her and holding the warm cup in his hands.
“Hey sweetie. Who’re you talking to? You been on call with your friends again?”
“No, I’m talking to-” he turned to look at Katsuki, confused when he was met with empty space, “Kacchan was here. Where’d he go?”
Inko’s smile fell, a sad look in her eyes as she placed a hand on his shoulder. She paused for a moment and took a deep breath before speaking.
“He went home when I gave you the drink. Didn’t you hear him say bye? You know what Izuku, I think it’s time you go to sleep.”
“But it’s barely-” he looked at the clock, grimacing when he saw how late it had gotten. He’d lost track of time again.
“It’s your first day back tomorrow, finish your drink and get some rest.”
She fussed over him until he was tucked in tight, rushing to leave him alone in the dark room.
-
Izuku couldn’t be more excited. It was his first day back at UA after the war. The building was new and huge, and he’d heard from Iida that they hired new teachers. New heroes to meet! Though he likely had already met them, but meeting mid battle hardly counted.
He all but skipped onto the train, pulling his stuffed suitcase along with him. He’d left early so he could meet Katsuki before school and they could walk to the dorms together. They’d planned it at some point over the break, Katsuki’s idea, though he struggled to remember exactly when.
The train slowed and he perked up, looking at the screen to see it was already his stop.
He hiked his backpack higher on his back, pulling his suitcase along with him as he looked for Katsuki’s familiar hair in the crowd. It took a while to find him but eventually he did, falling into step with him as they left the station.
“Hey, Kacchan?”
“What?”
“How excited are you? I heard they hired Gang Orca. Like, the Gang Orca, apparently he has a degree in history. Would you believe that? I’d never have guessed, he’s so cool, I wonder if-” he trailed off as they approached the gate, lighting up when he saw Aizawa leaning against it.
“Problem child. You’re early.”
“Bright and early! Me and Kacchan-” Aizawa’s eyebrow furrowed a little, but Izuku went on anyway, “wanted to come early to put some stuff in the new dorms! Of course we can’t move everything today but Nezu said we all should move in by the end of the week so-”
“Alright, alright. You have your ID right?”
Izuku fumbled, grabbing at his pockets before he found it.
“Yep! Kacchan do you-”
He looked to his right where Katsuki had been, confused to not see him. For a moment he stared at the empty road, only broken out of his stupor by a hand on his shoulder.
“Come on, problem child. He’ll probably be here later.”
“Yeah, maybe…” Izuku wasn’t convinced, but he followed Aizawa to the dorms anyway. His was right between Todoroki and Iida’s! Iida even helped him unpack a little.
-
The classroom was alight with commotion as they talked about their breaks. Izuku sat with his friend group, laughing along to their stories about what they’d been up to. He tried to tell his own story, about when he and Katsuki visited the playground they’d played at as kids, but stopped talking when they all went silent. He didn’t get it.
The chatter was interrupted by the door banging open, All Might stepping through. Although his body was permanently small now, he still managed to fill the room with his presence.
“I AM HERE! To welcome you to your second year!”
Cheers broke out through the room, the joy infectious. Once they quietened down, All Might started speaking again.
“Now, before we begin I’d like to commend you all for your strength and bravery over this past year. You’ve accomplished more than most pro heroes do in their entire careers, which is commendable even if you shouldn’t have had to do it. However, there has been… Immense loss, along the way, so if any of you ever need any help you’re free to speak to Recovery Girl for a referral to the newly established student support staff. I assure you they’re all brilliant!”
At the end Izuku’s mood lowered, glancing at the two empty desks across the room. It really was a shame that Aoyama decided not to return. Of course he understood the guilt that came with keeping a legacy a secret, but he was looking forward to seeing more of the boy. He’d have to text him and organise a meetup.
He didn’t even want to think about what had happened to Mineta.
All Might seemed to notice the sombre mood, clapping his hands to reveal their hero suitcases.
“Well, enough of my rambling. Suit up! We’re going to Ground Beta, I hope you’ve all been training over the holidays!”
Just like that the excitement was back, the class splitting into groups to chat about the upgrades they’d asked for. Izuku stayed behind the group with Katsuki, waiting until the rest of the class were on the way out to grab his suit.
He pulled it out of its place in the wall, stepping back and looking in confusion. He counted the amount of cases once, and then again to be sure, before turning to All Might.
“Yagi-sensei, where’s Kacchan’s suit?”
All Might froze up, He quickly closed the case, grabbing Izuku to push him out of the room.
“Well, Young… Erm. Bakugou. His suit is. Well… It’s been taken to the changing rooms ahead of time! After the injuries his hands suffered we didn’t want to make him carry anything too heavy.”
“Oh, Kacchan’s going to hate that. He hates people taking pity on him. Of course I don’t think you’re taking pity! You’re being helpful.”
“Ah, well I’m sure he’ll appreciate it when he gets there. Now, go get changed Young Midoriya! You have training to do!”
Izuku lit up and nodded, bolting down the hall after his classmates.
He didn’t see the look of pity All Might sent him.
-
Izuku threw himself into training, relishing in the familiar feeling of One for All rushing through him. He moved quickly, traversing through the streets of the mock city. Tendrils of midnight black carried him, clinging to buildings and lampposts to propel him forwards.
Explosions sounded behind him and he grinned, knowing him and Katsuki would make it out of the city first. He loved this– the wind whipping through his hair, the power exploding from his hands, knowing him and Katsuki would always be first and together.
He allowed himself a moment to glance back and scope out how close the others were. There was Iida, and Sero. He couldn’t see Katsuki but he heard the explosions so he must be somewhere nearby.
And then his grasp on the closest building loosened, sending him rapidly plummeting to the ground. Panic surged through him and he shot a hand out, trying to grab the building again but Blackwhip flailed uselessly through the air.
Explosions approached and he calmed, knowing Katsuki would be there to catch him. But instead of warm hands he landed in rough ones, and instead of blond hair he saw a helmet.
“Midoriya! Please be more careful, if I hadn’t caught you you might have broken your back.”
“What… Iida? Kacchan was here, he would have caught me, he"s right…”
Izuku pushed himself out of Iida’s arms, looking around the area in confusion. There were no explosions, no caramel smell in the air and no Katsuki.
“I think… I need to sit down.”
Iida nodded, putting an arm around him to help him out of the city towards the observation room. Before they went in Iida turned to face him, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Midoriya. If you ever need to talk you can speak to me. I can understand the grief you’re experiencing.”
With that he left, pushing open the door to the room and beelining straight to All Might. Izuku stared into the room confused.
“But… I’m not grieving?”
-
After the first day, Izuku lay awake in bed late into the night, unable to sleep despite how early his day had started. Katsuki kept disappearing as soon as he had to talk to other people and sure that wasn’t totally unlike him but it was weird. He sighed, pulling himself out of his bed and heading downstairs.
He blindly reached for the kettle, flicking it on and grabbing a cup from the cupboard above. If he couldn’t sleep he could make tea.
Footsteps came up behind him and he turned, squinting to make out the person in the dark.
“Ah, Todoroki! Hey.” Sorry, I’m just–” He gestured to the cup and kettle.
Todoroki stayed silent for a moment, too long to be comfortable before he pulled his cup down too.
“Hello. You’re never down here this late. New habit?”
“Oh, well, uhm… Sleep has been hard recently. You know, after the war.”
“I get it. Especially for you, right?”
Izuku stilled when Todoroki looked at him, a quiet accusation in his eyes.
“Why would it be any harder for me? We all went through it. I think Ochako has it worst with-”
“Yes, but she didn’t know Toga for as long as you… You know.”
Todoroki poured his tea and moved into the common room, leaving Izuku chasing behind him.
“But I don’t know. Everyone is acting so weird and I don’t get it. I don’t need to talk to a therapist. And I don’t need to talk to someone that understands because I’m not grieving any more than anybody else is!” His hands flailed through the air in frustration. “I don’t understand why everyone looks at me like I’m glass now.”
At that Todoroki’s eyes softened a little and he nodded, sipping his tea and gesturing to the couch next to him.
“Sit down, I don’t think you’ll be sleeping soon.”
They stayed together for an hour, talking quietly about anything and everything until Todoroki retreated to his bedroom, and for the first time that day Izuku didn’t feel so weird.
-
In his dream he wasn’t pulled into the familiar darkness of One for All. It was unsettling– he’d been in the quirk speaking with the vestiges everyday since the end of the war, celebrating and preparing for his future as a hero.
Instead he was in a void with no sense of up or down. He tried looking around, struggling to move himself with nothing to push against. This was weird.
Eventually he saw a light in the dark, slowly pulling himself towards it, close enough to touch it and–
The void caved in on itself, light shining through the cracks and morphing into a scene of a playground. Katsuki was there, sitting on one of the swings and staring straight at Izuku.
“Kacchan!”
Izuku grinned, sitting on the swing next to him.
“You’re in my dreams too now?”
“I’ve been in your dreams, Izuku.”
His voice was soft, and quiet, and completely unnatural coming from his throat. Izuku turned to him, looking at him in confusion.
“Well, no Kacchan. I told you I’ve been with the vestiges.”
“But have you?”
Izuku thought back, remembering his night speaking to them and nodded, sure of himself.
“I know I have. I remember talking to them.”
“What else do you remember?”
“What… Else?”
Katsuki shook his head, frustration showing on his face.
“About the war. One of the first big fights, Where Gigantomachia was first revealed. You were fighting Shigaraki-”
“And you and Endeavor and Aizawa were there!”
“Right. Think, Izuku, what happened there?”
“Um… Well I led Shigaraki away and you followed and we fought… We won because… I don’t…”
Izuku’s head snapped up to look at Katsuki, realisation overtaking his eyes, legs carrying him from the swing to stand in front of him. He reached forward, eyes widening when Katsuki became mist under his hands.
“No.”
“Izuku… You need to remember.”
“No!”
His head ached with the memories, lies rushing through, the same scene of Katsuki, lifeless, limp in the middle of the battlefield playing over and over and over.
The Katsuki in front of him smiled gently and it was so wrong that Izuku barely stopped himself from reaching out to hit the boy that must be an imposter because his Kacchan would never–
“Izuku.”
Mist overtook his body, the playground bleeding back into the void and pulling Katsuki into the darkness. Izuku sobbed, trying uselessly to reach towards him with Blackwhip.
He woke with a bang, sobs retching from his throat and One for All wreaking havoc through his room.
The scream that dragged from his throat was loud, echoing through the dorms so that all of UA surely heard. He ran, needing to be away, needing to be outside where he could thrash against the ground with too powerful punches, the crunch of his bones sickening and distracting all the same. Grief manifested, travelling up from the pit of his stomach to lodge in his throat, breaking out to splatter across the bloody, cracked floor. He cursed his brain, cursed the lies it pushed on him, cursed the war and the nightmares it stuck him with. He kept punching, his bloody, broken hands covered in sick and rubble, even when his quirk stopped working, barely noticing the change. It didn’t matter.
A strong arm wrapped around him, pulling him up from the ground and he thrashed, throwing his head back and hearing the grunt behind him. There were words, someone was speaking but he couldn’t hear them, couldn’t hear anything except Katsuki’s final words, a small whisper of his name and he sobbed harder, going limp in the hold of the person behind him.
“He’s… When… He can’t be…”
The person spun him, burying his head in their chest and held him there as he cried. He retreated into his mind, feeling his being drift out of his body and he didn’t know that he wanted to go back, that he wanted to live in a reality without Katsuki.
He didn’t think he’d ever feel whole again.