Chapter Text
Wade blinked at Peter. “When we met. We hooked up. I woke up in your apartment with no shirt on. You avoided me.”
Peter’s mouth was agape. “You thought we slept together?!”
“Did we not?”
{WE DIDN'T?!?!}
[WTF were we doing here????]
“Wade, you were here because you died,” Peter explained, pulling away from Wade slightly. “You thought I slept with you and then pretended it didn't happen?” He looked hurt.
“No, no. Pete, baby, I mean yeah I did, but-”
“And you let me get away with that?” Peter dragged his hands through his hair. “Wade, I would never do that to you. God, you must think I’m a dick.”
“I mean at least you talked to me again. Usually in the morning I get hit or stabbed and kicked out and never hear from them again.”
Peter looked at Wade in shock for a moment, “Why the fuck would they do that?”
“Have you met me?”
“Yes! That’s why I ask, Wade you’re funny and stupidly hot and how could they do that?”
“You think I’m hot?” Wade stared at Peter like he was crazy.
“I was literally just kissing you like my life depended on it and as soon as we finish this conversation I have the full intention of doing it again.” Wade leaned forward to kiss him again.
“Guess we’ll have to end it early.”
Peter placed his finger on Wade’s lips, pushing him gently back, “Not until we clear this up because I am not over this.”
“Look, I just thought that you’d slept with me and my brain was like nope, my memory sucks even on good days, Pete.”
{How could we forget him?!}
[I think he’s the best thing to ever happen to us]
{No that was being played by Ryan Reynolds}
[okay second best thing]
“What do you think happened, that I just met you and slept with you?”
“I mean yeah?” Wade studied Peter for a second, “What did happen?”
Peter was quiet for a second. “We were fighting robots.”
“We?”
“Yeah. and- well you died, and normally when you do I just stay with you but there was something wrong about it and-” Peter choked on his words, tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. “I watched you die three times and I just, I couldn’t. Wade, I couldn’t. And I am a dick because I’ve been avoiding going out and skipped patrol because you might join me and people need me and-” he cut himself off with a shaky breath, remembering the state of Wade. How after the shot he’d dragged him back to his apartment and spent the next hour trying to get shards of bullets out of his chest, watching uselessly as wounds re-opened and oozed dark blood onto his tiled kitchen floor.
“Peter,” Wade pulled Peter closer to him, kissing him gently on the top of his head, “I’m okay, I always come back.”
“I know.”
“I can’t properly die.”
“I know.” Peter shook in his arms, “I think I just realised that it’s so easy to die and I was putting people in danger.”
“Think about how many people you save… Peter.”
Peter let out a wet chuckle, “You have no clue who I am, do you?”
“Not a clue.”
“You’re the least observant mercenary I have ever met.”
“Ex-mercenary, Pete, I am no longer in the biz. I stab people for free now.” Wade grinned, “All for the one and only Spidey-” Wade paused, his mouth dropped open and he looked Peter over. “Webs?”
“Pool.” Peter smiled, the tears on his face drying.
“Oh my god, I kissed Spider-Man.” He let out a squeal, “And you want to kiss me again?” Peter nodded. “Are we done with this conversation, can I kiss you again?”
“And I’ve kissed motherfuckin Deadpool. Finally.” Peter muttered as he surged forward, catching Wade’s mouth on his. He broke away for a second, breath already heavy, “We’re talking more later-” Wade kissed him again, Peter followed for a second before breaking away again, groaning as Wade rolled his hips on Peter, “And I-fuck-I wanna talk about us and-” Wade caught Peter’s lips on his again, humming in agreement, “We need to talk about what this means.”
Wade slipped his hands into the hem of Peter’s trousers, “Yeah, sure baby boy, got quite a mouth on you. Can it wait until I’ve fucked you?”
Peter groaned, “God- fuck, yeah. I think it can-” He cut himself off with a moan as Wade’s hand slipped further down.
*****
Peter was surrounded by warmth when he woke up. His brain dumbly provided ‘Wade’ and he smiled, nuzzling in closer. They were both still naked, Peter could feel the texture of Wade’s skin against his. It felt nice. “Wade?” Peter’s voice was hoarse.
“Fuck that’s hot.” Wade groaned, pulling Peter up to kiss him.
Peter pulled away before it got too heavy, “I just woke up, babe. Give me a minute to like process everything.”
“Babe?”
Peter froze, “Uh-yeah sorry, I just thought-” he was cut off by a gentle kiss.
“Don’t be sorry. I like it.”
“Does this mean we’re together?”
“I was hoping you’d ask that.”
{YESSS SPIDEY’S ASS IS OURS}
[Well he gets to keep it we have no use for two asses.]
{but we get to touch it!!!!}
[we should fuck him again before he decides this was a terrible idea.]
{yes fuck him before the post nut clarity.}
[if we killed him we could keep him longer.]
{can we taxidermy an ass?}
[or just keep him alive and tie him up and keep him there. Lasts longer. Just use him when we want.]
“Wade?” Peter cupped Wade’s face gently, “What are they saying?”
“That you’ll realise what you just asked and leave.”
“Wade Wilson, I just asked if you wanted to date me and I should have asked you about two years ago. When I realise what I just asked you I will be lying here waiting for you to kiss me again because fuck I wanted this for too long and I’m not letting myself lose this opportunity.”
“I’d love to date you, Peter.”
Peter grinned. “Good now fuck me again before I have to go to class.”
“Gladly.” Wade matched his smile as he disappeared under the sheets.
*****
“Spider-Man, on your left.” Iron Man’s voice came through the comms, “You’ve got someone tailing you.”
“I know,” Peter replied, continuing on his way after the battle, the Avenger’s tower in the distance growing closer.
“Want me to try to shake him?”
“No, I think I’m good.”
“Deadpool is unstable at the best of times.”
“I know.” Peter webbed faster, trying to outrun Tony, done with the conversation. Wade kept up with him, waving as he leapt from building to building, occasionally teleporting to the top of a tall one.
“Hiya Spidey!” He greeted as Peter gracefully came through the window. Wade was already inside and seemingly managed to annoy every Avenger in the room who glared at him.
“Hi, Pool.” Peter smiled, shutting the window behind him, a second later Tony re-opened the window, Wade giggled at that as Tony came in and landed beside Peter.
“What have I said about letting unauthorised people in the common rooms?” Tony demanded, stepping out of the suit. “JARVIS, please escort the mercenary out with as little destruction as possible.”
“I am sorry sir,” The AI’s voice came through the many speakers, “Wade Wilson is authorised to be in the building under regulation twenty-seven, any family or loved ones close to a: a member of the Avengers, b: a trusted super with an identity revealed to the Avengers who regularly visit the common room, c: specified perso-”
“Thank you JARVIS, I know regulation twenty-seven. Who authorised Deadpool?”
Before Peter could speak up the AI replied, “Wade Wilson is authorised due to his relationship with Peter Parker. I have monitored heart rate and interaction data that is available to me and compared battle information over the last three years and noted a change in interaction behaviour. All this information leads me to conclude that Wade Wilson is to be considered a loved one of Peter Parker, a trusted super with a revealed identity under section b of regulation twenty-seven.”
Tony sighed, “Great, I gotta go fix that code.”
Peter stood very still, eye lenses wide. He slowly looked over to Wade who had a similar guilty look on his face. They made eye contact for about half a second before simultaneously breaking into fits of laughter.
“What?” Tony questioned.
Peter was crouched on the floor, trying to contain himself while Wade had leant against a wall. Tony looked from Peter to Wade, a look of confusion painting his face.
“Baby boy, look at his face.” Wade managed, pointing at Tony who quickly changed his expression into a scowl.
“Wade, Wade, stop. I need to make sure your wounds are healed.” Peter tried to get back on track, his laughter barely contained as he looked at Tony. He walked to where Wade was still giggling, smacking him lightly on his shoulder as he forced him to turn to check a bullet wound on his shoulder blade.
“I’m not normally the most socially adept guy, but that is the most blatant flirting I have ever seen,” Steve commented, leaning towards Tony.
“No way Peter would pick him,” Tony whispered back, eyes fixed on where Peter was fussing over Wade’s many bullet wounds. Wade was fussing over a small scrape Peter had and Peter was swatting his hand away.
“Wade Winston Wilson, stop fussing over that and let me get the shard of metal out your neck so we can go home before your cat eats my textbook again.” Peter was saying with a motherly tone.
“Not until you let me put a bandage on your arm because you’re bleeding on the blue part of your suit and I don’t want to have to listen to your complaining.”
Peter pulled out a small shard of metal from Wade’s neck and the wound almost immediately closed. He tossed the shard onto a nearby table and let Wade bandage his arm.
“Peter?” Tony asked carefully. “Was JARVIS correct?”
Peter blinked at Tony, “Tony, I constantly complain about how my boyfriend has horrible music taste and doesn’t seem to know where our laundry basket is located. I thought you knew it was Wade and were just selectively choosing to ignore that.”
Tony’s jaw just about hit the floor. Before he could say anything Wade scooped Peter up, grinning as he twisted a knob on his belt, “He’s all mine, suckers.” And the two disappeared, leaving the rest of the Avengers to stand in shock.