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Lucius hadn't cared, when the Marriage Act of 2000 was enacted. He had been married, and anything that might lead to Draco producing heirs of his own had seemed like an excellent idea.
When Narcissa had, most inconsiderately, succumbed to Dragon Pox in the summer of 2002, he still hadn't worried. The law allowed widowers a 5 year mourning period, and it wasn't especially popular. Lucius felt sure it would be repealed, and, if it wasn't, he'd never met a Ministry official who wouldn't accept a large enough bribe.
Unfortunately, in the wake of the second Wizarding War, the Ministry seemed to be bursting with honest individuals, and he now had only a month to marry or to have his spouse chosen for him.
His mind went to Miss Lovegood. She was a pureblood, and their children would be blonde. Moreover, she’d been quite entertaining at the last dinner party he’d attended, and he couldn’t deny that she had a certain joie de vivre that appealed to him.
He began to pen an invitation. He considered inviting her to the Manor but it seemed in poor taste given her prior imprisonment there. He thought of the White Wyvern, but contemplating Miss Lovegood in Knockturn Alley was nearly impossible.
Then again, no one who could hope to succeed as a Malfoy could be too squeamish to visit Knockturn Alley. A certain indefatigable constitution was a prerequisite.
He sent the missive, and was more relieved than he expected when he received a sheet of lilac parchment noting her acceptance.
Though Lucius arrived precisely on time, Miss Lovegood was already there with one firewhisky in front of her and one waiting for him. He wasn't sure whether to think this exceptionally rude, or oddly perceptive.
“I'm so pleased that you came!” she chirped on seeing him.
Lucius was suddenly sure that this had been a bad idea. Yes, Lovegood was pureblood, unattached, ostensibly fertile, and passably attractive, but he'd been warned that she was insane, and his own interactions with her supported that possibility.
“Miss Lovegood,” he intoned, “It was I who issued the invitation.”
“Yes, I know. Only, you see, I had meant to invite you, but hadn't quite worked out how to do so without any awkwardness, given that I was imprisoned in your cellar once.”
Lucius was speechless as she looked at him, her blue eyes wide and searching.
“Oh, please don't think I bear you any personal animosity about that,” she hastened to add.
“I hadn't imagined you would,” he offered carefully.
“Wonderful. It wouldn't do to begin our marriage with ill feelings.”
Had Lucius been a different man, he'd have choked on his firewhisky.
He sputtered, then snapped his mouth shut. He had, in fact, asked her there to propose marriage, though he’d planned to broach the subject incredibly tastefully, and to offer her a great deal of money. “I agree.”
“Wonderful,” she repeated, taking a very small sip of her own whisky.
“We'll need to consummate the marriage,” he offered, wondering if this may have escaped her attention.
“Yes,” she agreed, as though this were nothing and he wasn't twice her age. “I know.”
He waved a hand and his signet ring caught the light. “I don’t mean just for legal purposes. I’ll require an heir.”
She blinked. “You have an heir.”
“I do, but my heir has no heir, and as best as I can tell he’s not attempting to produce one. I'm keen to leave my family legacy assured. An heir and a spare would be all the better, but provided you take no umbrage to my… extracurricular activities, I won't object if that isn't possible.”
“Why shouldn't it be possible?’ she inquired. “If you think you might not be able to perform, I do know some tricks—”
“Of course I can perform!” Lucius hissed.
“There's no shame in it,” she said with a shrug, taking a larger swig of firewhisky. “I’ve been with many older men. Anyway,” she continued, as Lucius’s mouth dropped open, “If you think your performance won't be in question, I'd much rather have three.”
Lucius felt sure he wasn’t understanding her correctly. “Three what?”
She looked at him like he might be the mad one. “Children, of course. Wasn't that what we were discussing?”
Lucius had always wanted a large family, but had never been foolish enough to voice that desire to anyone but Narcissa, who had laughed in his face.
“If you insist,” he said stiffly, and Luna gave him a smile that reminded him uncomfortably of the sun.
“It's settled, then,” she said, then tilted her head. “Unless you need anything else?”
He hesitated, unsure. Surely this couldn't be all? His betrothal to Narcissa had come with conditions that had required seven rolls of parchment to contain.
“There can be no doubt as to the legitimacy of the children,” he offered. “Until you're done bearing my heirs, I require fidelity.”
She nodded without hesitation. “I'll require your fidelity as well.”
He did hesitate, but looking at Luna, he supposed there were worse things. She was uncommonly pretty, she was amenable to multiple children, and she'd made no mention of a monetary settlement. It was difficult to ask for more. He supposed that, if necessary, he could always claim he could no longer perform once they had a child.
“That is agreeable,” he said with a nod.
He was surprised when she rose from her chair, leaving half of her firewhisky untouched. “Perfect. Let’s go.”
He was sure he had missed something. “Wherever to?”
She looked at him in a way he didn’t entirely care for. “To marry, of course.“
Lucius was quite sure he’d have fallen out of his chair, could Malfoys fall out of their chair. “What? Now? ”
“When else?” she asked vacantly before fixing eyes that were anything but vacant on him. “Unless you've anyone to invite?”
“Don't you ?” he inquired instead of answering.
She shrugged. “I'm afraid my friends aren't likely to approve. But don't worry, I'll win them over.”
He shuddered even thinking about who she might try to ‘win over’, but decided it didn't matter. Instead, he held out his hand. Her own hand was softer and warmer than he expected it to be as he apparated them to the Ministry.
“Is this quite normal?” Luna asked the two ministry officials who had accompanied them back to Malfoy Manor.
“We just want to be thorough, Miss Lovegood,” one said.
“I'm Lady Malfoy, now,” she sniffed so imperiously that even Lucius’s own mother wouldn't have found any fault in her inflection. “And you’ve seen us home. You may go.”
“We’ve been told to wait until the marriage is consummated,” one of them replied.
She scoffed. “I trust you don’t actually intend to watch us? Because if so, I’m afraid I’ll need to contact our solicitors.”
Both men looked scandalised, and Lucius wondered why it hadn’t occurred to him to marry Luna Lovegood before. She swept into his bedroom, and Lucius followed behind her.
As the door clicked shut, Lucius moved to perform a silencing charm, but Luna met his eyes and shook her head. His brow furrowed, but he lowered his wand as she walked toward the bed and sat down, bouncing up and down experimentally.
“Dare I ask what you’re doing?”
She shrugged. “Getting them to leave.”
“What—” he began, but was cut off by her loud moan.
“Oh, Lucius! you’re SO BIG,” she cried as he stared at her in astonishment. She got on her knees atop the bed, then bounced up and down again with great enthusiasm. “Oooooh Merlin!” she whimpered. “Yes! There ! That feels soooo good.”
He could only stare at her, astonished, as she bounced higher.
“Ahhhhhh yes,” she moaned with evident glee. “Hit me with your cane again, Daddy! HARDER !!”
Deciding it was probably easier to get into the spirit of the thing rather than stand there gaping like a madman, Lucius rapped his cane firmly against the wall. He was gratified when a dull pop sounded from outside the door that could only signify that one ministry official had disapparated.
“Oooooh yes,” Luna enthused rapturously. “You're soooo strong! Yes! Fuck me against the wall!” She thudded her fists rather convincingly on the wall behind the bed. “Harder!” she shouted again, looking as though she were trying not to laugh. Lucius channelled his own laugh into a moan that sounded rather convincing, if he did say so himself.
“Yes, Daddy! Give me a son!” she cried out, continuing to pound her fists against the wall vigorously. Lucius met her sparkling eyes and fought another laugh.
“I'll give you twenty sons!” he shouted back.
“Oh, yes, YES!!” she moaned deafeningly. “Stick your signet ring right THERE!!!”
Lucius couldn’t help it, he did laugh then. Fortunately, his laugh coincided with another dull pop that could only mean the second ministry official had also gone. Luna immediately dissolved into giggles, which only made Lucius laugh harder.
After a moment, Luna slid off the bed and into his arms. She kissed him. Suddenly nothing was funny anymore. His outer robes were on the ground before he'd even registered that she was unbuttoning them, and then, to his astonishment, she sank to her knees and began undoing his trousers.
“Ooooh, you are big,” she gasped before licking her lips and freeing his cock.
“This isn't necessary,” he managed to choke out.
“Very little about sex is necessary , Lucius,” she said, the slightest bit of censure in her voice. “It's supposed to be fun .”
His head fell back against the wall as she took him in her mouth.
She hummed appreciatively as she swirled her tongue around his tip, and Lucius felt his hips thrust forward quite against his will. She swallowed around him, and he nearly groaned as she began to move her mouth up and down in a rhythm so sublime that he gave himself over to the sensation entirely.
After working him in her mouth, Luna swallowed again before grasping his balls. She then gave a light tug that caused his thighs to clench.
“Stop, he gasped. He nearly lost control as her wide blue eyes looked up at him. “I’d rather come inside you.”
She released his cock with a loud pop, then licked her lips again. He wondered if she was trying to drive him mad.
“Oh, yes, please ,” she said as he pulled her upwards and deposited her onto the bed. “Strong, too,” she marvelled, sounding pleased,
He smiled without meaning to as he joined her on the bed.
Lucius collapsed backwards on the bed after his orgasm took him, feeling deeply sated and also, somehow, as though he still wanted more. He hesitated for a moment, then decided Luna seemed unlikely to be put out if he actually said what he desired.
“I want to get you off again.”
“Oh,” she exclaimed, looking delighted even as she shook her head. “That isn’t necessary, but I truly appreciate your solicitousness.”
He frowned, and her smile faded slightly.
“Oh, please don't look like that,” she said with so much sincerity he almost felt uncomfortable. “I've had a wonderful time, and I'll warmly welcome additional orgasms in the morning. It's just that I'm a bit sleepy now.”
Lucius supposed that he was sleepy too, and the thought of more orgasms in the morning sounded very promising indeed. He shifted slightly, waiting for her to leave the bed and retire to her own rooms, but instead she moved closer and placed her head on his chest.
It was so shocking that he didn't know what to do, but the sensation wasn't entirely unpleasant, so he placed his own arm around her.
As Lucius closed his eyes, he wondered if this might be what it was like to feel happy.
