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Satoru’s face is flushed a beautiful shade of pink, rivaled only by the color of his parted lips, swollen and glistening. If ever an expression could be called bedroom eyes , it’s the effortlessly seductive way he looks when he says plainly, “Please fuck me, Suguru.”
Suguru awakes, more than a little disappointed to be pulled out of such a nice dream. Maybe if he doesn’t open his eyes, if he falls asleep again quickly enough, he’ll go back to it. In this haze of horny half-sleep, his hips make a slight, involuntary movement. He freezes, eyes snapping open, when the very real friction makes him aware of the source of his dream - Satoru’s ass pressing deliciously against him. Typically Suguru sleeps on his back and Satoru nestles against him, arms wrapped tightly around his chest like a child clinging to a favorite plush animal. So to end up both lying on their sides, pressed together like this, was extremely unusual.
God, he wishes he could just stay like this, enjoying the feeling. Actually, he wishes he could wake Satoru and absolutely ruin him here and now. But he can’t. He won’t. This is Satoru’s first romantic relationship, after all. That comes with the privilege of getting to share in so many of his first experiences, but also a sense of responsibility, wanting each of them to be as perfect as they possibly can be. In part, that means letting Satoru set the pace, letting him feel comfortable and unrushed.
So Suguru shifts himself away just enough to break the point of contact. He’s a patient man. He can wait as long as it takes for Satoru to be ready. His dick, unfortunately, is still frustratingly insistent. He glances at the glow of the clock on the bedside table. 2:26 A.M. He won’t be able to fall asleep in this state, and he definitely can’t just lay here like this for hours. The only thing to do is go take care of the issue.
Satoru is a light sleeper — something about the Six Eyes and always being more aware of his surroundings — so it’s a bit like trying to get out of bed without disturbing a sleeping cat. Luckily, Suguru manages to carefully slip away without waking him and heads quietly for the bathroom.
He shuts the door behind him and leans back against the counter, unbuttoning the fly of his pajama pants and freeing his throbbing length from its confines. He spits into his palm and starts stroking. The goal right now is speed and efficiency — get this taken care of so he can get back to bed.
His mind wanders back to his dream, back to Satoru. He imagines those glossy pink lips wrapping around the tip of his cock. How deeply would Satoru be able to take him? He thinks of those pretty blue eyes looking up at him, blinking back tears as Satoru struggles determinedly to take all of it.
He hears Dream-Satoru again, begging to be fucked. God, he’s looking forward to whenever that day comes, seeing that beautiful ass spread before him, ready and waiting. He grips himself tighter as he imagines how Satoru’s virgin hole will strain to stretch around him. But he’ll be gentle. He’ll go slow. And it will be so perfect.
He’s been trying very hard to keep quiet, but it’s becoming more difficult as he gets closer and closer to the edge. How is he supposed to suppress those noises when he can’t stop imagining just how he’d like to fuck Satoru into a moaning mess, writhing beneath him, begging for more? So close now. He groans Satoru’s name, admittedly louder than he should have, given the circumstances.
And the bathroom door opens.
“Suguru, are you feeling okay? You sound— oh god, I— Sorry, I should’ve knocked, I’m sorry!”
“Oh shit, Satoru! It’s okay, I—” But he has already shut the door and fled.
Fuck . Suguru sighs. Wasn’t it just his luck for Satoru to have woken up in time to hear him practically calling out his name. Suguru can only imagine how he must have looked — hunched over, dick in hand, all slick with spit and precum, face contorted in near-orgasmic pleasure. A startling sight for anyone if you’re not expecting it, and especially for someone as shy about physical intimacy as Satoru.
He gets himself cleaned up and mentally prepared for how awkward this conversation is sure to be. When he returns to the bedroom, Satoru is lying on his stomach, face buried in a pillow. Suguru sits on the edge of the bed. Before he can even say anything, he hears more babbled apologies muffled into the pillow.
“It’s okay, Satoru. You don’t have to apologize, I’m not upset with you. I mean, I’m the one who should’ve locked the door, so I’m sorry if seeing that made you uncomfortable.” Satoru lifts his head from the pillow and Suguru notices the flush in his face, from the embarrassment of this whole situation, he assumes.
“No, it was just... surprising, I guess?” Satoru says, “I’ve, uh, never actually seen anyone... doing that before.”
“Yeah, I suppose not. It’s my fault, really, and I’m sorry that it woke you. I didn’t mean to be that, uh, loud. I was actually trying not to bother you, I swear. I just woke up full mast and needed to take care of it so I could get back to sleep.” With a chuckle and a lighthearted smile, he adds, “Happens to all of us sometimes, right?”
Satoru doesn’t seem to share his levity. The blush in his face intensifies as he replies, “Yeah, totally,” with a forced-looking smile.
Suguru looks at him for a moment, as the odd and obvious lie makes a few puzzle pieces start to fall into place in his mind. He knows a fair bit about Satoru’s unusual upbringing, how sheltered and isolated he’d been, how it had led to a lot of strange ways of thinking and behavioral quirks. But no matter how much he thought he knew, he always found himself with more to learn. In this case, just how deeply it might relate to Satoru’s apparent unfamiliarity and intense discomfort with anything of a sexual nature. Even kissing had taken a while for him to warm up to. A thought occurs to Suguru that seems hard to believe about a grown man. A bit of a leap in logic, but, with how out-of-the-ordinary Satoru’s whole life has been, something tells him it’s not entirely unbelievable.
“Satoru, have you... ever masturbated?”
There’s a brief silence while Satoru seems to decide what to say. It looks like he’s strongly considering just hiding in the pillow again as he’s staring intently down at it when he replies simply, “No.”
This conversation has taken a wild turn from where Suguru had thought it would go. He has several questions now, and finds himself struggling a little to decide what to say. “Okay, but, I mean, I assume you’ve, you know, gotten hard before, right? Do you just... not do anything about it?”
“Yeah, I don’t know, I just kind of wait and it goes away?” Satoru is speaking faster as he grows more flustered. “I guess I just don’t really think about those kinds of things? I don’t know. I was raised weird, you know that. If something didn’t have to do with jujutsu, it just didn’t matter, wasn’t worth an ounce of attention.”
Words come easier to Suguru now, as he has an unfortunate amount of experience talking through the insecurities hidden under Satoru’s normal exuberance and bravado. “It’s okay, you don’t have to defend yourself. I’m not judging you. It’s just, if you ever do want to take the physical part of our relationship further, it’s important for me to understand where you’re at, that’s all. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Too late. It’s even worse than still being a virgin. It’s like virgin squared. So I’m already embarrassed about it.”
“You really don’t have to be, I promise. And I’ve told you before, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. Even if you decided you never want to have sex, that would be fine. It’s not like there’s a strict requirement or timetable for doing these things.”
“Well, it feels like there is, and I hate it. I hate feeling so childish. I hate feeling like I’ve completely missed out on experiences everyone else takes for granted. And I fucking hate feeling like I’m depriving you of things you should be getting from a relationship.”
A heaviness drops into Suguru’s chest. He hadn’t known Satoru felt that way. “Satoru, you aren’t depriving me of anything. I love being with you. I love that I get to be here for so many first experiences for you. I love knowing that I’m the one who gets to share those moments with you. I’m happy to wait however long it takes for you to be ready for each next step.”
Satoru lets out a humorless laugh. “Great! So at the rate I’m going, we’ll get to fuck when we’re forty. Awesome.”
“And that would be fine,” Suguru reiterates, “But, look, if you really want to get more comfortable with the idea of sex, I think it would be a good idea for you to, you know, get more familiar with your own body first. Start figuring out what you like, what you don’t. And then it won’t all feel like such uncharted territory.”
Satoru seems to ponder this and is looking down at the pillow again, avoiding Suguru’s gaze, when he finally says, “Would you be able to... help me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Show me how, I guess. I don’t know. I think I just... don’t really want to do that kind of thing alone? I’d rather you were there.”
Part of Suguru wonders if that wouldn’t be kind of defeating the point of what he suggested, but a larger part wants to do whatever he can to support Satoru. “If you’re certain that’s what you want, sure, I’d be open to doing that sometime."
“Could sometime maybe be now?” Satoru finally sits up and Suguru is able to see the bulge straining against the front of his pajamas. Shit, maybe sometime could be now. Before he can speak, Satoru is nervously rambling again. “Like I said, I don’t really think about sex. But when I do — like now because we keep talking about it — it’s this awful combination of being freaked the hell out by it and the fact that I have no idea what it actually feels like, but still being so sure that I want to know and that I want to feel it with you.” Suguru’s own erection was definitely twitching back to life now. “And then I get like this. So, in a way, it’s kind of your fault, so I think it only makes sense for you to help me out. I know it’s the middle of the night and we both have work in the morning but if you’re okay with it I would really like to do this with you. Now. Please.”
“Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me,” Suguru smiles, and Satoru grins the way he always does when he finally gets his way, “Just remember, you’re in charge right now, I’m only here to help, and if at any point you want to stop, you absolutely can, got it?”
“Got it,” Satoru nods.
“So, how do you want to do this?”
Satoru moves to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. “Can we just sit like this, so I can watch what you do?”
“Sure, that works.”
“Do we have to take our clothes off?”
“No, not if you don’t want to. Pants have flies for a reason, right?”
“I think I want to, if that’s okay.”
“Of course it’s okay.”
They stand and undress. While they’d seen each other nude plenty of times in locker rooms and onsens, both are keenly aware of just how different this is from those innocent contexts. Satoru is staring and Suguru happily lets him — it allows time for his own gaze to linger. He’s always admired how Satoru looks like a statue of Adonis come to life. But no Greek marble could ever affect him as much seeing Satoru’s hardened cock for the first time. If Suguru had any less self-restraint, he would already be on his knees, swallowing Satoru whole. Luckily, he has self-restraint in spades.
“So, can we, uh, start now?” Satoru asks, a mix of eagerness and nerves in his voice.
“If you’re ready.”
“I’m way past ready.”
“I don’t exactly have a lesson plan for this,” Suguru laughs a little awkwardly as they seat themselves next to each other on the bed, “so just bear with me.” Satoru nods. “Alright. Well, first, general rule of thumb: wet is better than dry. If you don’t have anything else to lubricate with, you can always just...” He spits into his palm like he did earlier. Satoru follows suit. “Everyone likes it a little bit differently in terms of grip, speed, that sort of thing. So that’s where you have to experiment to figure out what works for you, but the basics are always the same.”
He wraps his fingers around himself and begins stroking gently. He usually likes being much rougher, but he’s demonstrating slowly for now, for Satoru’s sake. Using such a light hand feels almost irritatingly teasing, but it’s even more arousing than he’d expected to finally be doing something like this with Satoru. Especially when Satoru takes hold of himself at last, his breath hitching as he starts trying to replicate Suguru’s movements.
“Another thing to keep in mind — the most sensitive part for most people will be around the head,” he advises as he sweeps his thumb over the tip of his cock, smearing the precum beading at the slit. Satoru lets out such a delicious whimper as he does the same.
God, the noises Satoru makes. Suguru wants to listen to him forever. He wonders what Satoru would say if he asked to record him. Not now, of course, but someday. It would be such a treasure to be able to hear those sounds whenever he wanted, for as long as he wanted. With a sudden, sharper gasp, Satoru pulls his hand away as if from a hot stove. He looks almost confused as he steadies his breathing.
“Are you alright?”
Suguru’s soft voice seems to startle him a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just, uh, felt weird.”
“Ah, you were probably about to cum,” Suguru explains, “Sorry, I should’ve warned you earlier, it’s a much more intense feeling.”
“Oh, okay, good to know,” Satoru says hesitantly as he tentatively resumes stroking. Suguru watches, paying much closer attention now. Satoru works himself back to the edge. He closes his eyes, brows furrowed, chewing his lower lip. But then he suddenly stops, just as abruptly as before. A harsh “fuck!” muttered under his breath sounds decidedly more like an exclamation of frustration than of pleasure.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t— I don’t know.” He’s staring quite intently at the floor. “It feels good, really good, and I want to keep feeling it but then it’s too good? And I just... can’t make myself keep going? Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, that makes sense. So what do you want to do?”
“I... well, I mean, I want to cum. Would be a bummer not to at this point, right?” He suddenly turns to look Suguru in the eye. “Will you help me? If I can’t make myself do it, maybe you could, you know, do it for me?”
Suguru can practically feel his pupils dilating at the prospect of finally being able to touch Satoru in this way. "I would love to, as long as you're absolutely sure—"
“Yes! Yes, I’m sure.” Satoru cuts him off with a desperate, pleading look. “Please make me cum, Suguru.” It feels shockingly similar to the dream that kicked off this roller coaster of a night in the first place, and yet so much better because it’s real.
Reaching over to wrap his fingers around Satoru’s pulsating cock, Suguru discovers he likes all those mewling noises Satoru makes even better when he’s the one drawing them out. He’s sure it won’t take long for Satoru to finish now, especially after the unintentional edging, so he wants to savor them while he can. When Suguru’s thumb circles over the tip, gathering the precum leaking there, Satoru shudders and lets his head fall back. Seeing the pretty curves of his neck, that pale expanse of unblemished skin, Suguru finds himself nearly salivating at the thought of leaving a few marks on it.
Just when gasping breaths and tensing muscles tell him that Satoru must be very close, Suguru sees that same sort of troubled, sort of confused, oddly blank look fall over his face. And suddenly Satoru’s voice breaks free from his throat like water bursting through a dam as he reflexively pushes Suguru’s hand away. “Stop! St—” He cuts himself off almost immediately, angrily slamming the side of his fist against his thigh. “Fuck! What is wrong with me?” He holds his head in his hands, fingers clenched in his hair like he might literally tear it out in frustration.
“Satoru, listen to me.” Suguru puts a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, I promise. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re not doing anything wrong. It can be a lot, I get that. And tonight’s been... kind of a strange night. You’ve had a lot on your mind, and I guarantee putting all this pressure on yourself isn’t doing you any favors. So I think it might be best if we stopped for now and—”
“No!” Satoru sounds even more desperate than before. “Please, I— I really want this. I just... don’t know why it’s so hard. I don’t know why I can’t just let it happen. What if you didn’t stop even if I told you to?”
“I’m definitely not doing that,” Suguru dismisses the idea immediately. Satoru sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “Is there anything you can think of that might help you relax, feel less nervous?”
Satoru thinks for a minute. “Maybe if I could... hold on to you? Like, with my arms around you?”
“We can do that.”
Suguru again allows Satoru to choose how they position themselves. They move to the middle of the bed. Satoru sits with his legs outstretched, spread wide enough for Suguru to sit between them, facing him, putting his own legs over Satoru’s hips. Being this close, legs held open by Suguru’s, feels so intimate that Satoru is blushing again. “Kiss me? Please?” he asks, somehow still shy despite all the night’s events.
Suguru doesn’t need to be asked twice. He takes Satoru’s face in his hands, kissing him passionately. Satoru wraps his arms around Suguru’s torso and gamely matches his intensity. After a few moments, Suguru pulls away to ask, “Is it okay if I tou—” and he doesn’t even finish the question before Satoru gives him a fervent yes.
Suguru reaches between them and wraps his hand around Satoru’s cock once more, taking hold of himself again with his other hand. He makes a mental note that someday he’ll have to show Satoru how good it would feel to hold them together, but for now one in each hand will suffice. In no time, those sweet, whimpering moans are filling the room again. Satoru drops his head to rest on Suguru’s shoulder, arms squeezing harder around his chest.
“Hold on to me as tight as you need to,” Suguru encourages, his own breathing growing heavier now, “I’ve got you.”
“Can you— ngh — k-keep talking?”
“Of course. Whatever you need, Satoru, I’m here for you. Hold me as tight as you want, dig your nails in, grab my hair, anything. I want to make you feel good, and I want you to let yourself feel it. That’s all you have to do. You don't have to think about anything else right now.” Suguru can feel Satoru’s fingertips pressing into his back, can feel him trembling and writhing. He’s made no indication of wanting to stop, so Suguru asks softly, right in his ear, “Are you going to cum for me, Satoru?”
Suguru wants to appreciate every detail of this moment. But when Satoru reaches his climax, he suddenly bites down on Suguru’s shoulder. A sharp breath hisses through Suguru’s teeth when the unexpected sensation drags him over the edge right alongside Satoru.
As they catch their breath, Satoru is still clinging to him like his life depends on it. Suguru wraps his arms around him just as tightly in return. Satoru is shaking and Suguru can’t quite tell if he’s sobbing or laughing. Maybe both?
“So... how are you feeling?” he inquires lightly.
Satoru’s head rests on Suguru’s shoulder and there’s definitely laughter punctuating his words as he breathlessly rambles, “Really good. And exhausted. And relieved. And sorry that I was so weird about this. And lucky that you’re the best boyfriend on the planet. And like I love you so much I could explode. And also sticky. I think that covers it. What about you?”
Suguru can’t help but laugh, too. “You know what? Pretty much the same.”
There’s still a few hours before they need to be up for the day. Suguru gets them both cleaned up and comfortable so they can get a little more sleep. When he lies back down, Satoru nestles happily against his chest, just as usual, and asks, “Can we do that more often now?”
“Of course. As often as you want.”
Satoru traces a hand idly over the contours of Suguru’s torso. “Also I’m sorry I bit you? I don't know why I did, I didn't mean to.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I liked it. Actually, it made me cum.”
“Really?” Satoru sounds incredulous.
“Yes, really. Remember how I said everyone likes things differently?”
“Sex is so weird.”
“Yeah, it is,” Suguru agrees with a laugh.
“I’m glad I get to do it with you, though.”
“Me too.” Suguru presses a soft kiss to the top of Satoru’s head. “There’s no one I’d rather be weird with than you.”