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Masks and muzzles weren’t that much different, at least in the case of how they felt on one’s face. Their functions differed, obviously. Kai’s mask protected him. Not his identity, it was far too uniquely designed for that. In hindsight, protecting him from filth was also questionable. No, it protected him mentally more than anything.
He loathed to call it a shield, he was bitter with the idea he needed to be sheltered like a weak-willed child. It was… a comfort . A small comfort that kept him grounded and able to keep his thoughts together.
That’s another place where muzzles differed. As soon as he pushed the bridge of his nose against the padded peak of his muzzle it was like his thoughts trickled out of his brain and down his neck, into his gut to be devoured and forgotten about. The buckle fastening around the back of his head sealed the deal, making him feel like there was nothing but whatever sensory experiences were afforded to him.
It was always the same, giving him a short adjustment period. Knuckles brushed gently over the sides of his neck to coax any dregs of his sense and awareness away, soft words praised him until he felt like he was floating. He lifted his left arm first, closing his eyes while his prosthetic was disengaged and removed. The discomfort of the process was lost on him while he was in this state, even when he obediently raised his right arm he didn’t feel anything more than Shouta’s hands expertly and carefully gripping his bicep.
Once he was finally free of the burden of his own care, he exhaled deeply. He didn’t open his eyes, not until he felt Shouta’s lips press a tender kiss to his forehead. That was his cue that they were about to begin . Begin what exactly? Kai would never be able to find the words for it.
Shouta guided him from the bedroom to the living room of their shared apartment, one finger hooked into the collar he found himself wearing most hours of the day (and night). He followed obediently, craving the praise of good boy , good dog more than anything else in the world. He found himself lying across the couch, the fabric pleasantly cool on his bare skin while he curled up on his side with his head in Shouta’s lap, his breath soft and even while his hair was petted. Occasionally, Shouta would scratch his scalp to reward his patience, and Kai wouldn’t have the mental capacity to stop himself from making an embarrassing little noise or two.
Touch didn’t make his skin crawl like this, not that Shouta’s touches did much these days. Like this, floating in the warm and mindless recesses of himself, Kai felt safer than he had ever been.
Shouta stood, nudging Kai’s head away gently with plenty of warning. Kai stood when instructed, following Shouta through the house again, back to the bedroom. He understood the commands given to him, even if he could never quite grasp that he’d heard them to begin with. He lay in his bed - a huge, plush, hand sewn dog bed - looking up at Shouta without a thought in his head.
His forehead was kissed again, and he was left to cuddle up to the soft walls of his bed. His body slackened within a minute, so relaxed and comfortable and safe here that falling asleep was almost immediate. He felt like he was sinking into the bed, his body enveloped by the way it framed his body and kept him suspended in his blissful, dreamlike state.
It was hard to tell wakefulness from sleep here, and that was a blessing .