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“Just shift !” Rowan barked the order as he stood across from Celaena in the clearing, circling her with a predatory gaze. Blood trickled from her nose, over her mouth as she stared at him with those frenzied turquoise-eyes. Over the last four months he had been on orders to train this girl, to teach her to take her Fae form, to channel her magics. It had been his bloodsworn duty to his queen, and he was not going to give up, as much as she might refuse. He had no idea what the queen of the Fae had wanted with her, why she seemed so interested. If he couldn’t scent the magic within her, like faint crackling embers, he could’ve almost assumed she was human. It was unheard of that a Fae shifted into a human form, animals of all varieties -- certainly, but a human? There was use in avian forms like his, scouting, travel, even combat. As far as larger, more ferocious creatures like those among his cadre, they were perfect for battle. Rowan had no idea what a human form was good for when it was simply just a weaker, more inferior version of the Fae body.
“No.” The blonde woman growled, wiping at her nose with a bandaged, bruised fist. They’d been at this for hours already, with her trying to rely on her skills as a teenaged assassin to take on a centuries old Fae warrior. It had been going terribly for her, he’d broken her arm in two places once by mistake, but healers had set it back in place overnight.
“If you don’t shift, you can’t use your magic.” Rowan growled, “If you can’t use your magic, you’re useless in a fight.”
“I can use blades well enough.”
“Against the monsters that wait outside these walls? Against me?” The Fae male let out a loud laugh. “You’ve landed one hit in the last fifteen days! Gods above Celaena, I can’t even tell if you’re trying!” Rowan lowered his sword for just a moment, causing Celaena to try and seize the opportunity. She let out a loud roar as she suddenly charged forwards, attempting to bring her blade to his chest. Of course he’d seen it coming and moved out of the way with his supernatural speed. Celaena stumbled forwards and he slammed the flat slide of his blade into the small of her back, causing her to fall to the ground with a yelp.
“Fuck you.” Celaena snapped at him. He could’ve almost thought it adorable if the words weren’t so filled with venom. Her blunt human teeth weren’t exactly the most intimidating thing in the entire world. Especially to the most powerful Fae male in millenia. Rowan dropped to the ground beside her as she rolled onto her back, staring at the sky above.
“Have you even tried?” Rowan asked, his tone softening ever so slightly. He’d grown some level of caring towards the human, even if she looked like she wanted to kill him every second of the day. He didn’t think he’d ever spent this much time around one, and he’d found her full of surprises. Despite their incessant bickering, she’d proven herself ot be someone that he could rely on. “If we encounter one of those Valg again, you’re going to need access to-”
“I know.” Celaena sat up in a huff, looking away from him. “Isn’t there a way to teach me all of this magic shit without me shifting?”
Rowan narrowed his gaze, he scented her anxiety at the thought, the faint creases of worry in her face at the question. “Are you afraid?”
“What? No I-”
Bingo . Rowan thought.
“What could you possibly have to be afraid of?” Rowan tilted his head to the side. Celaena hated when he got like this. How he could somehow both be a terrifying and commanding war general set to whip her into shape, and such a tender and caring man…male at the bottom of it all. “It’s your blood, it’s in your nature. It’s who you are.”
“No. It’s not who I am.” Celaena shook her head before rising to her feet. “And you didn’t answer my question. Can't I tap into my magic like this?”
Rowan stood up slowly, making her once again all too aware of how much he seemed to tower over her. How fragile the human form seemed in comparison to a Fae. He couldn’t imagine intentionally choosing to dull his senses, to view the world with less light, less sound, unable to gauge the presence of others by smell, the tastes of all of his favorite foods…”It’s, unorthodox. Humans weren’t meant to hold magic like what you have, not really.”
“But it can be done?” Celaena looked surprisingly hopeful at that.
“Most likely, no."
“Ugh!” Celaena rasped and lunged at him again, striking several times with surprising speed for someone who had been beaten and bruised for hours. Rowan parried or dodged each of the blows with a relative ease that only caused to make Celaena angrier. She didn’t stop coming for him, and he didn’t keep moving backwards until they were well out of the sparring pit, having found themselves in the woods.
“Use your anger, you want to land a hit? You’re too slow! That fire that burns within you? Use it! Shift!” Rowan shouted, knocking each of Celaena’s blows to the side. She was getting angrier and angrier with each blocked swing. If Celaena wasn’t going to tell him her concerns, then all he could go off was that she didn’t want to lose this human part of herself. She had to know that she could go back and forth between these forms, as he could? Magic wasn’t restricted in Wendlyn like it apparently was in Erilea. He’d been given an order, to get her to shift, to teach her to use her magic. Rowan Whitethorn was going to complete it.
“Fuck! You!” Celaena roared again through gritted teeth before Rowan struck her again with the flat side of his blade, this time across the face. She hit the ground hard, the taste of blood ever present in her mouth as she pushed herself off the dirt, stumbling backwards.
“I see it in your eyes, Celaena, you want to let the fire out. Do it. Let it out. Just shift.” Rowan said, coming ever closer to her. “Use that fire, let it out.”
“Let it out, Celaena .” Rowan said again, before burning heat and light erupted in his path.
He was flung backwards from the sheer force of it, barely able to get his shields up in time as he crashed into a tree, collapsing to the ground. His vision swelled from the sheer heat, the stench of burning logs, crackling embers filling his nostrils suddenly as he rolled onto his back. His skin felt charred and alight with pain that he very quickly had to redirect his magic towards healing.
“Fuck me.” Rowan let out a small laugh, impressed by the display of magic just sent towards him, as he slowly sat up and opened his eyes -- only to find Celaena no longer there. “Celaena?” He called, reaching out to grasp the nearby tree for support as he stood only to find his hand pass through the ash left in its wake. Gods be good , Rowan thought to himself. For an uncontrolled, first-time burst of magic, she’d really let him have it, hadn’t she? His injuries were a mercy , he was lucky to get his shields up in time to have healable damage. Let alone not being reduced to ash and dust entirely.
He figured Celaena needed a moment to cool off, potentially quite literally depending on how much of her reserve she’d just spent on that blast. Rowan began to channel his winds to put out the fires that had begun spreading, sending a cool layer of frost to the now singed clearing around him.
When the forests were no longer at risk of imminent fire, he began to focus on her scent. Jasmine and lemon verbena. It was easy to pick up, among the more-present smell of crackling embers, a roaring wildfire of magic that sang to his very blood. Yet there was something different about it, outside of the fact that she was a Demi-Fae. He couldn’t quite place it, it was like Celaena but just… Different .
He began to follow the scent, the path of footprints through the woods, occasionally calling her name. The lack of response drew more and more concern with each step he took until he began to hear crying in the distance. Though it didn’t sound like Celaena. Quickly he drew one of the handaxes at his thigh, twisting it in hand as he focused on a silent approach. Celaena’s scent grew stronger and stronger as he approached the sound of the crying, of the quiet “come on come on come on” whispered under shaking breaths.
“Are you oka-” Rowan paused, frozen in place as he took in the sight of the figure before him, on their hands and knees in the dirt, tears streaming down their face.
A demi-Fae. A demi-Fae with long golden hair, tanned skin, and turquoise eyes ringed with gold…But masculine. As if Celaena had had a nigh-identical brother. But the face was the same…almost the same, even the ring of scars around her…their? Neck.
This Fae wasn’t as largely built as Rowan, a few inches taller than Celaena, a bit more broad of shoulder but maintaining a slender Fae elegance that he himself had lacked. He inhaled once. It was undoubtedly Celaena.
“Go away,” she whimpered, immediately trying to hide her face, to back away from Rowan. Was this what she had been so afraid of? “Please, Rowan. Just fuck off.” Even if the voice was deeper, it whispered his name in the same way that she always had.
“Celaena?” Rowan asked softly as he knelt before her, looking at her with utmost concern. “You’re--” He paused, unsure of how to continue. Clearly she was more than well aware.
“I can’t - I” Celaena shook her head, still unable to let him see her face, trying to make herself as small as possible by backing away from him. “I don’t want you to see me like this”
“Male?” Rowan asked, about to continue before being interrupted.
“No, no.” Celaena shook her head, glancing back up at him, lip quivering as tears streamed down her face. He’d never seen her like this…Emotionally, obviously he’d never physically seen her like this . “I’m not, I…No that’s not…”
“Okay, okay. You’re okay.” Rowan spoke, a gentle kindness overcoming his face as he reached out, gently brushing a lock of hair from her face as he shushed her. “It’s okay.”
“I can’t- No. Just…Stop” Celaena tried again to back away from him but found her back to a tree in a matter of seconds, pulling her legs close to her chest as she tried to bury her face in them.
“You can't do what?” Rowan asked, any confusion that he had at the moment wasn’t worth mentioning. Clearly not when his charge was so distraught
“I want to shift back.”
Oh. OH. Rowan suddenly realized what this had all been about, all of her refusal to don the Fae form. For whatever reason, the female form was clearly of more comfort to her.
“We can do that, okay?” Rowan nodded, speaking as quietly and sweetly as he could. “Just focus on breathing first, alright Celaena?” He pulled himself up beside her and gently began to rub her back. “Just inhale, then exhale.” He spoke, breathing slowly and evenly until she began to copy him for a minute or so until she stopped sobbing. “There you go. Now. Remember what I told you, how it’s like a muscle?”
Celaena nodded, still unable to meet his gaze, eyes squeezed shut out of disgust for her own form.
“Right, so currently..Since this is your Fae form” he avoided saying ‘natural’ form in this case, since he figured that might upset Celaena. “It’s very relaxed suddenly, your… Outburst of fire likely released it. To go back to your human form, you just have to tighten it, like this.” Rowan balled his open palm into a fist for demonstration. Even if she wasn’t looking, he figured it helped him to explain. “You just need to focus on your human form, think of it in your mind, of the details of it. Clear your head of everything except your mortal form and will it. Tense that muscle.”
Celaena took a sharp intake of breath, eyes squeezed shut as she focused on every one of Rowan’s words. She was surprised at how gentle he was being, how seemingly understanding he very suddenly was. Celaena focused on her human form in her mind, cleared her thoughts of everything else, just her human body. She’d never noticed it before, but her Fae senses let her know he smelled of pine and snow.
He smelled like home.
A flash of light, and she was back. Rowan moved a few inches away as he saw the shift happening. A moment later and Celaena’s human form was back. No longer the form of the male demi Fae that had caused her so much stress.
A loud sigh of relief escaped Celaena’s lips as she slumped forwards. “Thank you ,” she whispered under her breath as she took in the ground beneath her hands. The scarred, calloused, yet still manicured feminine hands. She breathed deeply, the scent of the forest no longer impossibly strong and overwhelming, the scent of Rowan no longer of Terrasen. “Thank you.” Celaena cleared her throat as she turned to look at Rowan.
Never before had the Fae prince seen her look so genuine, so vulnerable.
“I’m sure you wan-”
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Celaena.” Rowan spoke softly, shaking his head. Whatever all of that was, it was her business. He’d known Fae, who hadn’t felt comfortable in their own skin, had fought alongside some of them on battlefields for the last century. “We’ll figure something out for you, okay? Let’s get back to the fortress.” He stood to his feet and held out a hand for her, which she gingerly accepted.
He went to take a step forward before she threw her arms around him, crushing her face against his stupidly muscled chest. Rowan couldn’t help but smile as he rested his chin atop her head and shut his eyes. Savoring the embrace. It had been so long since someone had hugged him like this, and had been so genuinely thankful for something he had done, even if he hadn’t thought it meant very much.
It was something he certainly wasn’t going to forget.
Neither would Celaena.
Night had long fallen in the hours since they’d made their silent return to the fortress. The pair had seen each other at dinner but Celaena hadn’t exchanged very many words with Rowan outside of formalities. He could tell by the look in her eyes how much his actions had meant to her, how she smiled when Emrys asked if anything had happened while they trained and Rowan claimed there was nothing out of the ordinary. That Celaena still had failed to shift. It was amusing, where yesterday he would’ve thought she’d have been insulted by the claim, he noticed her small thankful smile at the words.
Since dinner he’d left her to resume her kitchen duties as he retired to his chambers, pouring over papers left behind from Doranelle. News from the cadre he’d had to catch up on, on the movements of the armies of the Fae, any news from the king in Rifthold. Sightings of Valg princes he’d once thought long dead, and a tome that he'd specially requested be brought up from the archives.
By the time the knock on the door snapped him out of his focused trance, Rowan realized it was close to midnight, judging by the height of the moon outside his window. Shit, he thought, had it really been that long?
Rowan focused his senses on the figure that had snuck up outside his door, that he hadn’t noticed after hours of being so engrossed in reading report after report. He couldn’t deny his surprise when he scented Celaena.
“Come in.” He spoke, his voice slightly gruff from exhaustion as he sent a wind to flip the latch on his door.
“Hey,” Celaena spoke softly as she opened the door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Rowan turned around, rising to his feet. “Have a seat.” He quickly gestured towards one of the lounge chairs set in the corner of the room near the crackling fireplace. He was a simplistic male, didn’t have much in the way of physical comforts. But the room had already come with its furnishings, so the chairs were already there.
“I think I’m gonna stand…If that’s okay?” Celaena asked, chewing on her lip nervously as she nudged the door shut behind her with her foot, her arms wrapped around herself.
“Whatever makes you comfortable.” Rowan said as he sat back down in the desk chair. “Is something bothering you?”
“About earli-”
“Celaena, I told you already. It’s your business. We can work something out in regards to your magic.” He gestured towards a book on his desk that he’d yet to crack open. “I already requested some reading material on the subject.”
“No, I, I want to tell you, if that’s alright.” She was less nervous than before, and her heart seemed to skip a beat at his mention of working on something else to help her. The appreciation was evident.
Rowan simply nodded, sitting at attention. He didn’t want Celaena to believe that she wasn’t interested.
“So..” Celaena spoke, clearing her throat awkwardly, pushing all of her weight to her back leg. “I didn’t want you to see me like that, but I uh. Thank you for helping me.”
“You were distressed, as much of a hard ass as I can be, I couldn’t bear seeing you like that.” Rowan spoke true, the gentleness quickly returning to his voice.
“I’ve been avoiding my Fae form, ever since I got here, since I felt it again I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to that. I feel so disgusted ,” Celaena’s arms wrapped a little tighter around herself. “Evidently, when I was born, I wasn’t always like this.” She gestured down to her human form. “But I always felt as if I should have been?” Her voice cracked slightly, unsure of how exactly to word the thoughts she’d kept most hidden all of these years. Rowan knew she didn’t mean human, either.
“My mom used to find me in her closet, trying to steal all of her pretty dresses. At first my parents had laughed it off, but it kept going. Then as my magic began to manifest, when I couldn’t control it…I,” Celaena paused, shaking her head. “But I knew what I wanted, and sort of willed the change, the shift. I made my secondary form different. I used to stay up late at night, praying to the gods above that I might wake up a girl instead of a boy, and it always felt like they never heard my prayers. But I took care of it myself, somehow. My magic changed me. Enough at least.” As Celaena continued to speak, Rowan hung on every single word that she said, but it was the way she spoke about her magic that really drew her attention. As far as he was concerned it seemed like raw magic. But there was only one lineage that had both the gift of Mala and access to raw magical power…
“By the gods.” Rowan’s eyes widened. “You’re... The Ashryver Galathynius line should all be gone?"
Celaena shook her head. Rowan's whole world shifted.
“I’d heard stories, but I thought you were dead…We all did.” A moment of pause before the realization of why Maeve seemed to care so much. He hadn’t just been training some random Demi Fae girl, but Brannon’s heir herself.
“When I first shifted, explained what had happened to my very concerned parents after they’d contacted several healers-” Celaena giggled slightly at the thought. “My uncle, King Orlon…He told them of stories he’d heard of humans and Fae alike that hadn’t felt at home in their skin, said that my magic had just manifested itself in such a way for me to shift, like the pureblooded Fae would. But, it was only a temporary solution, and since I wasn’t very good at it, it was hard to control. Of course it didn’t matter much then, I was only a child, and as long as I got to wear the pretty clothes I wanted, things were good.” Rhoe and Evalin had taken it with a surprising amount of gentleness, and had adapted to calling her Aelin, a name she’d chosen to better match her cousin Aedion. She was removed from the public eye for a while, long enough for stories to be altered slightly over time, to better represent the king’s niece.
“The night magic left Erilea, as I felt it leaving me I shifted one last time, then I felt the magic falter. Then…” Celaena trailed off as tears welled in her eyes. Rowan knew the rest of the tale, the royal family of Terrsaen was butchered in their sleep, and Adarlan swiftly took over the continent in a bloody and violent conquest.
“A man named Arrobyn Hamel found me, raised me as his daughter…In a way. Taught me to become an assassin, which I did for years until he tricked me, arranged for my capture. Took Sam from me.” Celaena got more choked up at the mention of that name, Rowan recognized the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice. He’d been there himself. Sam was an old lover of hers. “Sam had been the first person to love me for me, the first person I ever told. He didn’t believe me at first, that I was a demi-Fae princess of a long forgotten kingdom. That this body,” she gestured to herself. Her very feminine human body, “was not the one I was born with. But he didn’t care. And Arrobyn stole him from me, like Lyria was stolen from you.”
Rowan nodded, an apologetic look crossing his face. He knew all too well that pain, what it had done to him, what he can imagine that it had done to Celaena.
“I fought in the king of Adarlan’s tournament, became his champion and..Well you know the rest. But my name, my real name, is Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.” She spoke quietly. He knew what she meant by saying her real name, not Celaena Sardothien, but not the name of the forgotten Ashryver prince that she’d been..No, she hadn’t been that, others had just thought that that was who she was. This was her name .
“Aelin.” Rowan spoke, his words surprisingly quiet as he made eye contact with her. Nerves and worry, anticipation for his reaction all flashed across her face. As if she was on high alert, expected him to say something, do anything wrong.
“Yes?” That same nervousness that he’d seen earlier was present.
“I apologize, greatly. If I’d known that that was why you hadn’t wanted to shift, I never woul-”
“It’s okay.” Celaena. No, Aelin interrupted him as she took a step forwards, sitting on the edge of his bed. “You had orders, and I’m an asshole who wouldn’t talk.” Rowan couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“Nevertheless. If there’s a way for you to tap into your magic without shifting, I’m going to help you figure it out. Or ,” Rowan paused as he tried to rack his memory quickly. “There are some ways to help you…Your specific situation .” He winced at the words, trying his best to not upset her with the way he spoke about it, but it was all too unfamiliar territory for him.
“What do you mean?” Aelin asked, interest flashing behind those turquoise-gold eyes.
“One of the males in my legion, he told me once that he’d not always been that way. Similar to you, just…The other direction.” Rowan awkwardly laughed which he noticed couldn’t help but make Aelin smile. So she was enjoying this, wasn’t she? “He said that certain healers had helped him, helped remake his form, so he could be comfortable.”
“Where are they?” Aelin blurted out rather quickly.
“That I would have to send a letter for, but I’m sure that if your raw magic changed your shifted form..”
“That I could change my Fae form as well?” Aelin asked, brows raised.
“Precisely. That sort of thing is out of my element, but if you want me to help you through this process, then I will.”
Tears welled in the princess’ eyes as she took in the male before her. He’d been so kind about everything, so gentle.
She nodded her agreement before once again rising to her feet. He rose again to meet her, looking down at her with a smile.
“Thank you, Rowan. Thank you .” Her words were barely a whisper but he nodded all the same.
“I won’t breathe a word of this to anyone, not unless you want me to.” Rowan reached forward to pull Aelin into a hug, something he was glad she’d accepted. He breathed in her scent, focused on the faint sting of embers that burned beneath the surface. After a moment, the pair broke apart.
“I’m going to get some sleep.” Aelin smiled softly, wiping at her eyes once more as she headed for the door. “Good night, Rowan.”
“Sleep well, Aelin.” Rowan smiled back and watched the princess shut the door behind her.
Immediately he worked on drafting a letter to that warrior he’d known years ago, inquiring about the healers that had helped him on his journey.
It was only after he’d changed into his bed clothes and laid down that the realization had hit him.
That tugging feeling on his heart. That need to comfort Aelin beyond what he might have already felt.
Gods above.
Aelin was his mate.