Chapter Text
Mood: Lovestoned/I Think She Knows by Justin Timberlake.
Jay is a proper mess.
As per usual, he finds himself overthinking Heeseung’s every word, his tone of voice and his behaviour for the entire duration of their ride back to the hotel.
The latter has been cryptic ever since they got back from the restaurant, not saying much after basically sending Jay spiraling with no more than seven words.
He was well aware of just how scary his mother could be, and the prospect of his ex-now-fake-boyfriend getting the brunt of it made him shudder.
He immediately claims the first turn to shower and locks himself in the bathroom as fast as lighting, trying his best to ignore the glaring presence of the hydromassage tub on the corner while he stands under the hot stream of water.
Not even the long and intensive hot shower manages to calm his nerves, and when it’s Heeseung’s turn to go shower he finds himself unable to relax, laying down on the bed with nothing but a flimsy t-shirt and shorts.
Immersed in his own thoughts, he stares blankly at the ceiling above him, until his attention gets redirected away from his inner turmoil by a tingling sensation running up the side of his leg.
Jay instinctively looks down at the spot at issue, and that’s when he sees it.
Big, eight legged and alarmingly poisonous-looking, a spider stares up at him.
Jay blinks and the spider blinks back before resuming on its merry way up his leg.
Jay then proceeds to do the only reasonable thing in such a situation.
Which is scream for his life, whack the spider in a non-specified direction and immediately run on top of the small coffee table on the corner.
Hearing it from the outside, someone would think there’s a murderer chasing him down with an axe judging by the screams that are leaving his body.
Jay is an animal lover, really. He can deal with any kind of animal, and although he’s not fond of things that have a set of wings and tiny multiple legs, he’s had no problems whatsoever picking bugs, moths and even the oddest-looking insects up and throwing them out the first disposable window to spare them from the painful death that they were sure to meet had it been up to Sunoo.
But spiders, he can’t do. His arachnophobia determines a big fat no-no for spiders.
He’s in the process of desperately trying to spot where he shot the spider off to while questioning if this poses as a valid reason to request a change of rooms, when Lee motherfucking Heeseung exits the bathroom looking quite agitated and (to Jay’s dismay) unfairly hot.
He has nothing but a towel wrapped dangerously low around his hips, and it looks like he got out of the shower in a hurry, hair still damp and water droplets running down his (upsettingly) toned chest and abs.
Had it been any other situation they found themselves in, Jay would be imploding on the spot at the sight presented in front of him, but his brain had shut off the minute he had gotten a glimpse at the damned thing.
“What is it? Did someone break in? Are you hurt?” Heeseung asks, alarmed.
“Kill it!” is everything Jay manages to scream back in response.
Heeseung looks even more unsettled at this.
“Kill it— what are you talking about, kill who ?”
“Spider! A spider just crawled up my leg!”
Heeseung seems astonished.
“You…you’re screaming like this because of a spider ?”
“It was huge, Heeseung!” Jay bites back forgoing honorifics, offended.
“It was huge and it looked really poisonous and it was crawling on me , I could have died! Let’s see how well you would have d— there it is! It moves! ”
Sure enough, the spider is moving at a concerning speed towards the very coffee table Jay is perched onto.
That, and the fact his head is currently too occupied with the spider problem at hand to clearly think his choices through, prompts him to do something that in hindsight he deems very stupid.
Which is jumping from the coffee table to the armchair, just to then leap from the armchair straight on a very confused Heeseung, who luckily is fast-reflexed enough to catch him in time.
He grabs onto Heeseung’s shoulders, hanging on for dear life while he keeps on screaming a litany of “Kill it!”
Heeseung stumbles, trying to catch his balance, and brings his hands under Jay’s thighs to hold him up while the other frantically clings to his shoulders, looking mildly horrified.
“Seong-ah, we’re in freaking Thailand! Of course there are going to be spiders! Can you— stay still and stop squirming, I’ve lost the damned thing!”
“You don’t understand, I’m not going to sleep until I know that monstrosity is dead or out of here. I swear to god, Heeseung, if I have to sleep in the hall I will!”
Heeseung moves around the room with Jay still clinging to his torso like a koala, hunting the spider like a man on a mission.
Jay is suddenly hyper-aware of Heeseung’s big, warm hands supporting him from under his thighs — his bare thighs, since his shorts have dangerously ridden up in the commotion.
Jay’s legs encircle Heeseung’s waist and their fronts are pressed to each other’s, Jay’s shirt has gotten wet as well, clinging to his body like a second skin.
Oh. Oh no. No no no no. This can’t be happening. As if he’s just now realising the compromising position he and Heeseung have found themselves in, Jay feels his cheeks go up in flames, while Heeseung seems to have spotted the spider.
“I can’t catch it with you breathing down my neck, Seong-ah.”
Jay flushes even more, if possible, and immediately tries to disentangle himself.
However, Heeseung keeps a strong hold on him, not letting go of his thighs.
“Let me down, hyung.”
“No,” his voice is calm, “I can’t have you running around in a panic while I try to catch this thing. I need you to be still.”
Jay lets his confusion show.
“But didn’t you just say—”
“Just don’t put your face on my neck, it tingles.”
Willing himself to be as still as he possibly can, he watches as Heeseung finally spots the spider and slowly picks it up with a piece of paper, using only one hand because the other is still busy supporting Jay.
Once the offending insect is finally thrown out on the balcony and the window is sealed shut, Jay feels himself let out a breath of relief at last.
For an extremely awkward couple of seconds they’re both immobile, still glued to each other’s body.
Heeseung’s still only clad in a towel, and Jongseong’s thighs are still plastered to his waist.
Jay doesn’t think he’s ever been so red in the face, and it takes a concerning amount of willpower to smother the burning arousal he feels growing in his belly.
Heeseung clears his throat, and Jay immediately jumps down, this time feeling no resistance from the other who lets his hands go limp, unintentionally brushing the skin on the hem of his shorts.
“So, uh…thanks— for catching it.”
“No problem.”
Another couple fo seconds pass, and Jay finds his eyes wander helplessly towards Heeseung’s ridiculous abs and that ridiculous towel that has slipped lower in the commotion.
It’s unfair, he thinks. Exes sould not be allowed to be this hot after they’d broken up.
Tracing his eyes back up through Heeseung’s incredibly hot figure, he’s pleasantly surprised to find him staring holes through Jay’s indecently exposed legs and his tiny waist, revealed by the wet fabric of the t-shirt sticking to his body.
“I think I— I’m going to go back to the shower, I still need to…yeah.”
“Yeah, good idea. I’m— well first I have to change clothes and then I’ll go back in bed. Yup.”
Once he hears the water running again and he changes into a dry t-shirt, Jay realizes with dread that Sunoo and Sunghoon might have made a valid point. He doesn’t know how he’ll manage to survive the weekend.
-
Mood: Babydoll by Dominic Fike
It’s a beautiful day to celebrate a wedding.
It’s sunny and warm, the scenery from the balcony of their room is beautiful.
Birds are chirping, the air is crisp, the breakfast they ordered through their hotel room service was incredibly good.
And Heeseung is miserable.
He’s currently looking very occupied with the beige curtains of their room, coincidentally avoiding looking in Jongseong’s direction.
The other boy has been primping himself for about an hour now, and is now reviewing his finished look in front of the full length mirror.
Heeseung thinks it’s an attempt on his life.
“Hyung, can you help me choose a belt? I can’t decide which one would go best with my outfit.”
Lord help him. Heeseung turns around as if he’s about to face his death sentence, which, in his humble opinion, is not too far from the truth.
Jongseong is currently looking at him, waiting for him to answer, clueless to Heeseung’s inner turmoil.
He’s holding a belt in each hand, raising them to show the items to a progressively blushing Heeseung. As if that’s the main point of concern.
No, Heeseung’s main problem is with Jongseong’s clothes .
He’s wearing an expensive-looking flowy white shirt, adorned with sparkly gems, tucked inside a pair of black slacks that, Heeseung has had the (unfortunate) chance to confirm, are hugging Jongseong’s backside tightly.
The shirt falls loosely on Jongseong’s shoulders, and he’s left the first two buttons unbuttoned, leaving his collarbones bare for anyone to get a glimpse of.
He must’ve had the slacks custom made, because that’s the only explanation to how they’re perfectly showcasing his tiny waist, not too tight nor too big.
To top it off, Heeseung notices with a flash of shock a familiar thin chain around his neck.
Jongseong’s wearing his necklace. The necklace Heeseung had gifted him on his birthday.
It’s a delicate white gold chain, supporting a thin stick made from the same material, set with a row of diamonds. Heeseung had been saving up for months to buy him that necklace.
It had always looked so beautiful, hanging from Jongseong’s neck.
Jongseong must have noticed Heeseung’s gaze had stopped in a specific point, because he flushes prettily when he realizes Heeseung’s staring at the necklace.
He clears his throat, snapping Heeseung out of his daze.
“So? The Prada one or the YSL?”
Heeseung can’t be bothered with belts. His mind is completely emptied of any articulate thoughts, except for the word ‘gorgeous’, that keeps replaying like a mantra, a prayer to keep him grounded.
So much for moving on .
All it took was being in a ten mile radius from Jongseong for more than twenty-four hours, a couple of accidental touches here and there and a bunch of pretty clothes to make a fool out of himself once again.
Hell, he has to get a grip. It feels as if he’s just gotten slammed back into his sixteen-year-old body, raging hormones and all.
“Prada,” is all he manages to get out.
A devilish voice in his brain suggests there’s nothing wrong with giving Jongseong a bit of payback for making him suffer through the torture of seeing him like this and being able to do nothing about it.
“You’re beautiful, Seongie. Don’t stress too much about it.”
He doesn’t miss how Jongseong’s cheeks and the tip of his ears go up in flames, and not because of the light blush he’d applied on his skin.
He hadn’t called him ‘Seongie’ since… well, Heeseung prefers not to dwell on that.
He tries to appear as nonchalant as possible as he makes his way towards the bathroom, only letting his inner panicked state show once he locks the door.
Fishing his phone out of the pocket of his own slacks, he frantically looks for his, Jake’s and N-ki’s groupchat.
to: ramyeonz spam
guys he’s killing me
(read 15:21)
from: coolest mf (Jake) (he chose his own contact name)
here we go
(read 15:22)
from: baby bro (Ni-ki) (he’s still protesting to this day about the ‘baby’)
hyung quick i’m in the middle of a GTA round
(read 15:22)
to: ramyeonz spam
no you don’t understand
it should be considered attempted murder
his clothes !! and he’s wearing the necklace
my necklace
(read 15:23)
from: coolest mf (Jake)
well…yeah?
i mean you gifted it to him so now it’s his
but i’m going to stop u right there buddy
i have no need to hear u lust after how good his ass looks or smth like that
(read 15:23)
from: baby bro (Ni-ki)
i agree with Jake-hyung
i’m sure Jay hyung looks great
keep ur thirstyness to urself Hee-hyung
(read 15:24)
to: ramyeonz spam
you ungrateful bitches
next time i have to suffer through Jake oversharing about his and Sunghoon’s sex life i swear i’ll leave you in your miserable state
or hear Ni-ki whine about how perfect Sunoo’s skin is and how smart Jungwon is
or literally listen to you assholes everytime you gush about your partners doing LITERALLY nothing
(read 15:24)
from: baby bro (Ni-ki)
ok damn
i paused the game
and Sunoo-hyung and Jungwon-hyung are NOT my partners
(read 15:25)
from: coolest mf (Jake)
yet
(read 15:25)
from: baby bro (Ni-ki)
I’m not above fighting elders, Jake-hyung.
(read 15:25)
to: ramyeonz spam
ok wow he used correct puntuanction…
(read 15:25)
from: coolest mf (Jake)
‘elders’ when i catch u Riki…
anyway back to Hee-hyung’s problem
look man u’ll just have to resist i fear…
unless u decide u wanna jump him in front of his entire family at his cousin’s wedding, u’ll have to hold back on the horny
when ur back in the hotel i say go for it and fuck the man once and for all
(read 15:26)
to: ramyeonz spam
that’s
exactly what i should NOT be doing
okay i lied i can do this
i just need to not touch him or look at him and i’ll be fine
thanks for the help guys
(read 15:26)
from: baby bro (Ni-ki)
…
whatever u say hyung
(ur not making it out alive)
(read 15:26)
Ignoring Ni-ki’s completely unhelpful last comment, he switches his phone off and takes in a big breath for courage, before stepping out again.
Jongseong, on his part, looks startled, phone in hand. It seems like he was waiting for Heeseung to get out.
There’s still the same cute blush sprinkled on the top of his cheeks.
“Let’s go, we shouldn’t be late.”
Heeseung steels himself for the day ahead of them. This promises to be one hell of a wedding.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
-
Jay and Heeseung get to the wedding location right on time.
Heeseung looks — to put it kindly — smoking hot.
Much like Jay, he’s also wearing a shirt and slacks, along with a black blazer and a pair of black Prada sunglasses to fight off the blinding sunrays of a sunny day in Thailand.
He looks like a fucking dream.
Heeseung’s always been head-turningly handsome — back when they were together Jay had had quite the feisty attitude whenever girls hit on him, claiming his territory rather aggressively (which often consisted in a very heavy, very public make out session).
So he is not at all surprised by all the looks Heeseung’s getting by the ladies present when they show up.
He rolls his eyes after witnessing a pair of girls who must be from the groom’s side of the guests fan themselves while whispering in each other’s ears. Ridiculous.
And Heeseung is no better.
Greeting Jay’s relatives with that ridiculously charming smile of his in that ridiculous outfit, and looking ridiculously good .
Jay’s smile is strained, but he tries his best to ignore the matter.
He has no care for what Heeseung does with other people. He’s a free man, much like Jay himself, and he has the right to do whatever he wants.
Jay doesn’t care. At all.
However, when his cousin Jihye grabs him conspiratoriously by the elbow to whisper an excited “Oppa, I hadn’t noticed how handsome your boyfriend was! How did you manage to score him?” in his ear, he figures it’s getting out of hand.
“Tone down the charms Mr. Playboy, will you?”
He hisses towards Heeseung, more bite than intended in his tone.
Heeseung looks taken aback for a couple of seconds, turning to look at Jay with a quizzical look.
“You’re making the ladies in the room drop like flies, I say it’s not very proper-boyfriend-like.”
At that, Heeseung looks around, finally noticing the eyes on him. To Jay’s chagrin, it only manages to bring a smirk to his face.
“You’re cute when you’re jealous, Jongseong-ah.”
Jay splutters. As if.
“Get over yourself. I’m only saying this because, in case you forgot, you’re supposed to be my fake boyfriend. Making other people swoon is not selling the part.”
Heeseung’s sly smirk only intensifies in smugness, and he starts to sneak an arm around Jay’s waist.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget a thing,” to Jay’s immense shock, he presses a quick kiss to Jay’s reddening cheek, pulling back a second later, “baby.”
Then, he goes back to normal. As if he hadn't just left Jay breathless.
“Stop fretting, alright?” he adds in a hushed tone, “ I’m yours for the day.”
Jay tries to focus on the last part of the sentence rather than the first with intent.
Just then, his mother makes her way through the crowd to come greet them, Jay’s father on her side.
Jay’s father is a busy man: always preoccupied with corporate meetings, phone constantly ringing with calls from associates and stoic face always sporting the same serious expression.
As if he takes himself too seriously to be concerned with trivial matters (like knowing how his son is doing).
As long as Jay’s grades don’t drop and he doesn’t have a need for more money, his father doesn’t bother speaking to him more than necessary.
Some things do concern him more than others, like who Jay decides to fuck (for some reason), which is the whole reason why he even finds himself with Heeseung’s arm linked around his waist.
His father, all sharp angles and hard lines, looks Heeseung up and down, appraising him with a calculating look.
Heeseung doesn’t falter. Jay is almost impressed by how his confident but relaxed smile stays in place.
“You’re the boyfriend, I assume.”
Jay suppresses a wince. Harsh as expected.
It does nothing but widen Heeseung’s smile.
“That’s me, sir. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
They shake hands, and Jay watches mutely the subtle fight for dominance that seems to be going down. Heeseung doesn’t know what game he’s playing into.
“Likewise. I hope to get to know you more in the short time we have, it’s not everyday Jongseong brings a boy home.”
At this, Jay doesn’t resist the scoff that comes out.
“It’s not like I had much choice before,” he mutters, bitter.
His father’s face hardens, clearly displeased with his son’s outburst.
Before he can reply, his mother is quick to cut in with a cold reprimand.
“Enough with the attitude, Jongseong. It’s better to sit down, the bride should be arriving soon.”
As if on a cue, the arrival of the bride gets announced.
Hyejin struts down the aisle glowing in pure happiness, and Jay finds himself staring in pure awe at the radiance emanating from her small frame while she glides through, bathed by the warm afternoon light.
He secretly wishes to also marry someone that makes him this happy.
The ceremony is short and intense, and by the end of it Jay is holding back tears of emotion while he watches the newlyweds kiss after exchanging their vows.
Heeseung pretends not to notice from his seat right next to him, but Jay feels him subtly slip a comforting hand on his thigh.
-
Mood: Love Is a Losing Game by Amy Winehouse
A bit red-nosed and teary-eyed, Jay finds himself shuffling to his assigned seat at one of the large white-clad tables a while later.
The location Hyejin chose skirts the seaside: an elegant venue placed just before the beach and surrounded by the bright green of the tropical trees, facing the breathtaking view of the crystalline waves lapping at white sand.
It’s effortlessly romantic, the progressively dimming light anticipating what promises to be a stunning sunset, the perfect end to the sunny day passed.
It’s the perfect weather to spend a day at the beach, Jay muses, and if it were on any other occasion he’d already be gone, stalking down the beach to stand with his feet in the water.
As expected, his assigned seating is at the family’s table, Heeseung at his side like a lighthouse in the storm.
Mellow music fills the undertones of the crescendo of voices, buzzing in the warmth of the unripe evening.
Jay sits peacefully, watching the sunset take over the sky.
Every few minutes he turns to look at Heeseung, stealing quick glances at the familiar outline of his profile in the orange light, and his heart promptly skips a beat every time.
Almost like it recognizes Heeseung’s touch, his voice, the lines of his face and the ring of his chuckle.
Heeseung is a brilliant actor. Almost like he needed a warm up round, he seems like a completely different person than the boy he’d introduced on yesterday’s rehearsal lunch.
He charms his way through each and every one of Jay’s relatives: making his cousins Yeji and Jihye giggle every two or three seconds, earning impressed looks from his aunts for his politeness and his naturally fascinating presence, and even receiving a curt nod in acknowledgement from Jay’s father after his impressive explanation of the current flaws in the Korean music industry.
After the first few hours, guests start to disperse across the room: music has grown louder and the dancefloor has started to fill, the people’s chatter and his now-empty glass of champagne creating a pleasant buzz in Jay’s ears.
He briefly leans towards Heeseung to murmur in his ear, breathing in the intoxicating and nostalgic scent of his cologne.
“I’m going to get a refill,” he speaks quietly, showing his glass for good measure, “you want anything?”
Heeseung turns his head to meet his gaze, and Jay wills himself not to blush like a schoolgirl.
He also violently suppresses a mischievous voice in his head — suspiciously similar to Sunoo’s — urging him to inch closer and closer to Heeseung’s face.
This is so not the right moment to be having stupid ideas.
But then, to Jay’s utter desperation, Heeseung smiles softly, shaking his head in an almost-imperceptible way, and proceeds to do something that leaves him gaping like a fish out of water.
Heeseung closes the gap between them so quickly Jay isn’t even able to process what is happening until he feels a pair of soft lips on his.
He feels his eyes go so wide he’s surprised they’re not falling out of their socket, but Heeseung must be anticipating such a reaction, because he softly pinches his thigh and Jay reminds himself it’s just a simple kiss between boyfriends in everyone else’s eyes.
As quick as it started, the kiss ends, and Heeseung is pulling away answering with a “No, but thanks baby. I’ll wait for you here.”
Stammering out a weak “O-okay. Be right back,” Jay stumbles out of his seat towards the bar, gliding through the crowd like a mindless robot.
It feels so…anticlimatic. To finally feel Heeseung’s lips against his again just with a quick kiss in front of his family. But he guesses there’s all there is to it now.
They’re pretending. It’s just for show.
They had both agreed they’d have to kiss at some point, and Jay knows it was a smart move on Heeseung’s part: his parents would have started to suspect them if they didn’t even kiss once.
Still, he struggles to grapple with the realization.
Lost in thought, he doesn’t notice who slides up next to him until he hears another voice make itself known.
“I knew I’d seen a familiar face.”
Snapping out of his daze, his gaze falls on the man in front of him, and Jay immediately recognises his smiling features.
“Jihoon-hyung!” Jay lights up in recognition, smiling up at the boy.
“I haven’t seen you in forever! How have you been?”
Well, seems like he can’t really be called a boy anymore.
Although being older than Jay by just a half year, Jihoon has clearly grown into his manhood.
He surpasses Jay in height by a good few inches, and the outline of well-defined muscles is clearly visible under the cotton of his white shirt.
Jay clearly remembers having a childhood crush on the guy, eyes always filled with childish wonder and something a bit stronger than simple admiration whenever Jihoon would defend him from the mean kids at the neighbourhood playground or let Jay play with his toy cars at recess.
He’d been a key factor in Jay’s journey to discovering he didn’t, in fact, like women at all.
Seeing the guy after so long brought a wave of nostalgia, and Jay fell into an easy conversation with him.
Jihoon was just in the middle of explaining his current job to him, when Jay felt a pair of arms slide to close around his waist from behind.
Immediately, his senses got assaulted by the unmistakable smell of Heeseung’s cologne, the warmth of his chest on Jay’s back and the feel of his breath tingling his ear, making Jay’s breath hitch.
“Baby, you’ve been gone for a while. Your cousins wanted to see us dance.”
Jihoon laughed, although taken by surprise.
“I believe that’s my fault, I’ve been holding Jongseong hostage because we hadn’t seen in such a long time,” he intervened, offering his hand for Heeseung to shake, “Lim Jihoon, nice to meet you…”
“Lee Heeseung. Jongseong’s boyfriend .”
Heeseung isn’t smiling back in his usual friendly manner. No, Jay knows how to tell Heeseung’s smiles apart.
This smile is thin, stretched. Something tells him Heeseung’s grip on Jihoon’s hand may be a tad bit too tight.
“Ah. Jongseong didn’t tell me anything about a boyfriend.”
Jay, still kind of confused by Heeseung’s sudden shift in mannerism, quickly came to Jihoon’s aid.
“Yeah, hyung, it’s still kind of fresh, so we wanted to keep it lowkey until now.”
It’s kind of hard to concentrate on anything Jihoon’s saying back in response when Heeseung’s holding him so close.
The conversation carries on, and Heeseung doesn’t seem to like Jihoon much. He keeps himself plastered to Jay’s back, glaring subtly at Jihoon like the man personally offended him.
It takes another couple of interactions between the two for Jay to realise with a jolt of shock that Heeseung’s strange behaviour is due to the fact that he’s jealous .
Although that can’t be right, because for Heeseung to be jealous it would mean…
Heeseung’s grip on his waist is getting progressively tighter by the second ever since Jihoon has started to explain his ties to ‘Jongseongie’, which only further confirms Jay’s suspicions.
He struggles to make sense of what is happening, but gets diverted back to the conversation when Jihoon speaks once again.
“Anyway, I don’t want to keep you,” he turns to Jay with a warm smile, completely bypassing Heeseung, who is progressively slipping away from the “calm and collected” façade, the clench in his jaw a clear testament to that.
“Jongseong-ah, can I have your phone number? It’s been a nice surprise — seeing you again — I wouldn’t mind catching up once in a while.”
Jay can’t think, Heeseung’s presence leaves him breathless. He had forgotten what it felt like, to be the object of Heeseung’s attentions. He can’t decide if it makes him mad or happy.
He stumbles on his words, flustered.
“S-sure, hyung.”
They exchange numbers, all the while Heeseung is still glued to Jay’s back, staring at Jihoon so intensely the other man squirms under his gaze, uncomfortable. It’s getting ridiculous.
“Okay, uh— I’ll leave you to your dance. It was a pleasure to meet you, Heseung.”
Heeseung’s “likewise” sounds more like a threat than anything else, and they both watch as Jihoon slips away to get back to his table with wildly different emotions painted on their faces.
Once the man is out of view, Heeseung lets his hands fall from Jay’s waist.
Jay sours. Because Heeseung is being unfair.
He’s been unfair from the start, and Jay is getting sick of it.
Without saying a word, he stalks off, uncaring if Heeseung follows or not, towards the stairs leading down to the beach.
-
Mood: No. 1 Party Anthem by Arctic Monkeys
Heeseung curses under his breath and runs after Jongseong (because of course he’s running after him — it feels like it’s all he’s been knowing how to do lately).
He’d known that act he’d pulled with Jihan — or whatever his name was — was going to get Jongseong mad. He’d known it was a stupid thing to do.
But he couldn’t deny the burn in his chest the second he’d seen Jongseong — his Jongseong — laughing, so bright he stood out among the sea of people, and smiling that smile of his that used to leave Heeseung breathless each time with another man.
He’d acted impulsively and foolishly, but when was he not acting like a fool when it came to Jongseong?
He speeds up his steps, running down the stairs away from the crowd and that damned wedding.
“Seong-ah, come on— wait up! Shit— ” he almost trips, missing the last step, but he manages to keep up with Jongseong’s unrelenting pace.
“Go away, Heeseung!” he hears Jongseong hiss over his shoulder, voice ice cold.
“No,” Heeseung is basically running at this point, and they’ve reached the beach.
His feet sink with each step on the unstable surface of the sand.
“Jongseong, please— Wait a damn second—”
“Leave me alone!”
“No. You and I need to talk, Jongseong, you know we do— would you stop for a second!”
Heeseung manages to grab Jongseong’s wrist, effectively stopping him.
When he turns around to face Heeseung, Jongseong’s eyes are ablaze with anger.
The wind blows, softly ruffling his hair so that black locks are flying in front of his eyes.
“What is there to talk about, Heeseung? I think you’ve done enough for one night already.”
Heeseung laughs, bitter.
“I’ve only been doing what you have asked me to do, sweetheart. Have I not been the perfect fake boyfriend?”
Heeseung knows it’s an asshole move. It shows in the way Jay only flares up more in anger.
“ Fuck you , Heeseung. Don’t you dare throw this in my face with the stunt you pulled just now with Jihoon hyung!”
At the mention of the other’s name in Jongseong’s mouth, he feels something ugly pull from his insides.
“Oh, so now it’s about him , is it? Are you only upset that he won’t ask you out on a date now that he thinks you have a boyfriend?
Because you didn’t look upset to me when you acted like a brat earlier just because a few girls were looking at me.
You’re allowed to act like that, but I’m an asshole if I do the same?”
It’s all coming crashing down on them like waves on rocks.
The words keep coming, tumbling out of Heeseung’s mouth, sharp and harsh, cutting through all the walls they’d built and all the distance they had put between themselves in the past months.
Jongseong’s eyes are burning embers in the night.
“Neither of us is allowed, Heeseung, but at least I didn’t terrorize those girls like you did with him. He is not even the point.”
“Then what is the point?”
“The point is we’re not together anymore, Heeseung!”
Jongseong’s words slice right at his heart, stinging more than they should.
Heeseung tries not to let it show, but Jongseong’s eyes are filling up with tears, and Heeseung is not drunk enough to be having this conversation after six months.
“ You are the one who called it quits. Not me, you . So don’t go acting like you suddenly care about me again, when it’s clear that you haven’t cared about what I get down to with who in quite a while.”
Jongseong’s voice wavers, but he holds it together. Keeps himself upright, looking at Heeseung like he sees right through him.
Heeseung’s head spins.
“I haven’t— Jongseong-ah, I don’t care? I don’t care about you?
Have you got any idea what you’re saying?
You don’t know how hard it was for me to even think of you away from me—”
Jongseong laughs, but it’s a broken sound. Drenched in all the pain Heeseung knows he’s feeling, because it’s the same kind as the one wrapping tighter and tighter around his heart.
“I don’t want to hear about how hard it was for you , Heeseung.
You are the one that hasn’t got the slightest idea how it feels when you tell someone you love them and their answer is leaving you.”
And there it is. The bare truth. What had made it all come down. Because Heeseung hadn’t gotten bored of him like he’d heard people say around, he hadn’t found someone else.
No, he’d just been put in front of an unshakable fact. Which was that Jongseong loved him. And it shouldn’t have come as a surprise.
Jongseong loved like breathing. Easily and freely. He loved fiercely, intense as the light of a thousand suns, and he loved unconditionally.
Heeseung had seen Jongseong’s love on Sunghoon, on Sunoo and Jungwon, on Riki and Jaeyun. For some reason, the idea of being on the receiving end of such a force of nature such as Jongseong’s love had terrified him.
The longer he had thought about it, the longer he had replayed the words in his head, the more trapped he had felt.
“I’m in love with you, hyung.”
At the time, Heeseung had felt small. So small compared to the dimension of the word ‘love’ and its meaning.
Inadequate.
So he’d done the only thing he knew to escape from it: he’d broken up with Jongseong.
He had run away.
Standing in front of Jongseong and his tear-streaked face, he feels tired of running.
The rumble of waves crashing down on the sand echoes the beating of their hearts.
“I didn’t leave you because I wasn’t in love with you, Seong-ah,” he murmurs, voice quiet over the sound of the sea, “I left you because I was afraid.”
He hears Jongseong gasp loudly with a sharp intake of air, and he sees him startle.
His mouth opens lightly in disbelief, and Heeseung watches as the anger vanishes from his gaze as quick as it had come.
Rendered speechless, Jongseong can only look at Heeseung with shiny eyes and cheeks red from the previous outrage.
“I was afraid because I didn’t know how to be loved by you, Seong-ah. I was fucking terrified.
I felt wrong and unfit for the role you’d given me, so not good enough for you.”
Heeseung cards a hair through his hair, trying to get a hold of himself.
“I didn’t know you’d leave such a mark on me. I didn’t know how void I’d be.”
Jongseong stays quiet, stunned into silence by the revelation.
His previously well-kept hair are now waving softly with the wind, his mouth still half-closed, his eyes are deep and striking against the dark.
He’s beautiful.
“I thought— I thought you didn’t…feel the same for me. I thought you didn’t love me.”
Heeseung feels himself get thrown back in time, shrinking back into a twenty-two year old version of himself that can’t keep his eyes off of the gorgeous boy on the other side of the room.
Coloured lights are flickering around him, music booming through the speakers in the crowded room.
There’s smoke, although Heeseung isn’t sure if it comes from the smoke machines or the blunts his friends have been litting up all night.
Heeseung is surprisingly sober tonight, so the buzz in his ears is only due to the incredibly stunning boy that had just walked through the door. He’d turned his head, laughing at something Jeongin had been saying, and there he was.
Standing next to another — equally stunning — boy, the prettiest boy Heeseung had ever seen was looking around the party, all sharp lines and elegant features, apparently searching for someone with his gaze.
It’s cliché, it really is, the way Heeseung’s breath gets caught in his throat when those mesmerizing eyes finally meet his. The boy has noticed Heeseung’s shameless staring, and the eye contact lasts until he lowers his gaze, flustered by Heeseung’s captivated look.
The lights and the noise, the people dancing and laughing. The boy has made everything disappear, bewitching Heeseung from the very start, who can’t do anything but stare, disoriented as if he’d just taken a punch to the face.
He figures it’s worth making a fool of himself, if it means getting to see the amused smile taking over the other’s lovely flushed face, when he looks back at Heeseung again.
There had been nothing he could have done from the very start when it came to Jongseong.
He’d been spellbound.
So how can it be possible for Jongseong to believe — to even think — that Heeseung hadn’t loved him? That he doesn’t still—
“You didn’t really leave me any choice, Jongseong-ah. I wouldn’t have known how to not love you. I—”
Heeseung stops, steeling himself for what he’s about to say. He’s afraid, but he forces himself to look into Jongseong’s eyes.
His heart has never beaten so fast, but he figures there’s no better place than a beach at night for a love confession.
“I still haven’t learned how.”
For a brief moment, only the sound of waves echoes between them, along with the distant noise of the wedding they’d just ditched.
Heeseung looks at Jongseong, Jongseong looks at Heeseung. They’re still, unmoving while the wind blows.
“You—” Jongseong struggles to speak, sounding choked up, “Are you saying—”
Heeseung waits, letting him soak in the words he’d just spoken. He feels freed from a burden he hadn’t known he was carrying.
Then, he carefully speaks up again.
“Pretending. That was what you asked of me.
I’m afraid I let you down this time, Jongseong-ah. It was never an act for me. I couldn’t pretend— not with you.”
-
Jay feels breathless.
I left you because I was afraid.
I didn’t know you’d leave such a mark on me.
I still haven’t learned how.
It was never an act.
His mind is running in circles, chasing Heeseung’s words. The last twenty four hours had been torture, standing so close yet so far from the man he was still hopelessly in love with, despite all.
The same man who was now confessing his love to Jongseong. It didn’t make any logical sense for Heeseung to be in love with him now, yet here they were.
It was quite the cliché, Jay figured.
Getting confessed to by the love of your life on a deserted beach at night after all this time, stars shining and the moon reflecting its light on the ripples of water lambing at the sand.
He’d almost believe it to be part of a prank, a reality show where any minute someone would pop out of some corner with a camera at hand yelling “Cut!”.
But it wasn’t. Heeseung really had just told him he still loved him, and he was standing in front of Jay, devastatingly beautiful and near.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s late and you’ve probably moved on, but you had to know.
I couldn’t bear to let you walk away from me again, believing I wasn’t already completely devoted to you from the start—”
Jay does the only reasonable thing, and shuts him up by pressing himself against Heeseung’s body and kissing him suddenly.
It’s nothing like the half kiss they’d shared in front of Jay’s family.
No, this one is a real kiss.
Heeseung stills for the first couple of seconds, before shaking out of his stupor and kissing him back with undeniable urgency, hands finding the familiar curve of Jay’s waist.
They kiss with compelling need to feel each other, after being apart for so long.
It’s rushed and famished, Heeseung and Jay chasing each other’s lips like they’re men dying of thirst in the desert and the other is an oasis of clear water.
But it’s still oh-so sweet.
Heeseung holding him close, the taste of his lips and his breath on Jay’s skin.
It’s stupid, and he feels cheesy to even try describing it in his head, but the feeling of having Heeseung close to him again is incomparable, and Jongseong doesn’t care.
They break apart, at last, lips puffy and red and eyes glassy with overwhelming emotion.
Heeseung is still holding him close, one hand on Jay’s waist and the other cupping his jaw.
Jay feels the rush of blood in his veins and the thumping of the heart in his chest.
He compels himself to speak.
“So…where do we go from here? What do you want?”
Heeseung smiles, and Jay’s heart skips a beat.
Oh, Lee Heeseung. You’ve cursed me once and for all .
Heeseung’s answer is simple, as he stares into Jay’s eyes with clarity.
“You, Jongseong-ah.”
-
Sunghoon’s phone pings, screen lighting up.
He pulls away from Jake, annoyed to be interrupted in what had been a — quite amazing — make-out session with his boyfriend.
Glaring at the offending object, he unlocks it with a huff.
However, his irritation is quick to fizzle away once he sees the nature of the interruption.
A message. From Jay. A single picture with no caption.
Weird.
Curious, he clicks on the notification to open the chat.
The sight that greets him is a wide shot of Jay laying on a bed (presumably his hotel’s in Thailand), seemingly naked, although the picture cuts to his bare chest, so Sunghoon strongly hopes he’d at least had the decency to cover himself with the sheets before snapping the picture.
What is definitely more interesting, though, is the sheer amount of hickeys littered on his neck and collarbones.
That, and the fact that Heeseung, attached to Jay’s body and apparently also naked (not surprising at all, in Sunghoon’s humble opinion), has his face pressed in the crook of Jay’s neck, grinning smugly up at the camera like he's just gotten a gold medal.
He got something alright, Sunghoon supposes.
“Babe?” comes Jake’s confused voice, “why are you grinning like a madman at your phone? You’re kinda creeping me out.”
Sunghoon shrugs, fingers already flying over his screen to type out an answer.
“I just love when people prove me right.”
from: Hoon
you whore.
(delivered 17:23)