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Dan didn’t know why he cared so much. He never did about anything involving Herbert. Dan had no clue why he let Herbert stay, helped him, and defended him to Dean Halsey and Dr. Hill. However, all the previous times could be rationalized with an urge to simply protect Herbert, stemming from Herbert’s manipulations. The man loved appearing smaller than he already was.
This time, instead of a sharp jolt of adrenaline to defend Herbert from whoever was (justifiably) questioning him, Dan felt weirdly hollow and full of anxious energy at the same time. Like a plasma ball.
The letter, and source of his current state, hadn’t been anything special.
It was something that Francesca and Dan happened to see when they were looking for where Dan left the details about Meg's ring size (Francesca was ready to propose). Hebert left it out in the lab. Francesca ignored the random letter, but Dan decided to read it. He figured if he had to deal with the undead in his house, he’d be allowed to read a letter his roommate left out. For all he knew, Herbert left it out on purpose. The man would do similar things to get Dan to read something without actually having to communicate.
It was in German.
Dan, his curiosity now piqued, begged Francesca to translate it for him. The woman was amazing, speaking at least four languages, and was kind enough to not laugh the way Meg would have. Francesca finished and they went back to talking upstairs. Dan read the translation only after the woman left.
Dear Herbert,
I received your correspondence last week (as of writing this) and I wished to reply. I was delighted to hear from you, it was a small bit of light in these dreary days. I once again wanted to apologize for what happened to Dr. Gruber and the scrutiny you received over it. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more. I know he was like a father to you and it must have hurt worse when everyone pointed fingers at you. But in other news, and why it took me so long to respond, I moved! I am no longer in that cramped little apartment and instead, I have a house. It’s small, but completely mine. The address should be on the envelope in case you want to talk more often. If you ever find yourself in Zurich, or really just Europe, I hope you will consider getting a coffee with me like old times.
Your friend,
Peter
Dan knew Herbert had to have been friendly with at least someone other than him, but it still made his stomach twist. Maybe it was some sort of weird savior complex, but Dan was jealous of the man Herbert had known well enough know that there was no way Herbert killed Gruber.
Dan thought he was the first person to really hear Herbert talk about his relationship with Gruber.
Dan wanted to be the first person to know Herbert loved Dr. Gruber like a father.
Dan made an impulsive decision. He ripped up the envelope and threw it out in the trash can in his room. He then took out the trash.
It’s just a savior complex. He just wants to be the one to help Herbert. It’s not like he’s jealous of Herbert and this guy’s possible friendship or anything.
If Herbert noticed the missing envelope, he didn’t say anything.
“Where did you go to college, again?” Dan asked.
Herbert glanced up at Dan for a second, raised an eyebrow, and furrowed the other as if he was trying to figure out Dan’s motive. Herbert was usually on guard like this. Even with Dan, to a certain extent at least. “New York University. Why?”
“Just curious,” Dan said as he shrugged, “How was it?”
“Once again, why do you ask? Especially when we have the work to focus on.” Herbert’s gaze drifted back down to the fluorescent chemicals in the beaker.
“Come on, Herbert. Would it kill you to tell me about your life?”
“Yes.” The man had a smirk on his face. He paused for a moment to see if Dan would react. Dan never could pinpoint his sense of humor.
“But if you must know,” Herbert began, “the school was fine, if close-minded. My peers though…” Herbert grimaced at the thought of being equal to those he went to college with. “They were insufferable.”
“I’m assuming based on how bad you are at being a normal roommate, you were alone.”
“No. I had a roommate,” Herbert said and, as usual, didn’t elaborate.
“Remember his name?”
“Joseph, I think.”
“What was he like?”
“Annoying, obsessed with sex,” Herbert said the word slightly quieter as if he was afraid his parents would punish him, “and a hindrance to the work. At least until he dropped out.”
“You know why he did?”
“I caused it.” Herbert was looking down at his notes, but Dan could still see that smug look.
“I slipped him a modified mosquito repellent suppository. I believe it’s used by the military.”
Dan’s head whipped around.
“Herbert! Was that fucking dangerous?”
“Relax, Danny.” Herbert only used that nickname when he wanted something or was mocking Dan. This time, Dan couldn’t tell which way it was being used.
Herbert’s face morphed into an amused smirk. “The only side effect was that it turned his semen green.” The man looked like he was about to start giggling like a child.
Dan let out a strangled choke. Sometimes with the suits, tired eyes, and monotone voice, Dan forgot how immature Herbert could be.
How the hell did Herbert know the guy’s cum turned green?
Most likely this wasn’t a well-researched point that Herbert happened to stumble upon while reading. Herbert had known somehow.
Green was Herbert’s favorite color as well. One time Dan had gotten curious and asked if the reagent was naturally green or if Herbert had dyed it somehow. Herbert scoffed and gave some answer about aesthetics not coming before science blah blah blah. But it was still Herbert’s favorite color.
And the idea of this guy having Herbert’s-favorite-color colored cum and Herbert knowing about it, it made Dan feel hollow again.
“How’d you know?” He couldn’t help himself from saying. He couldn’t help the bitter tone either.
“Daniel, if you’re not going to work and you’re going to continue distracting me, I’d prefer you went upstairs.”
Dan, still in a slight bit of shock, silently slunk up the stairs.
As he sat on the couch, barely concentrating on whatever movie he put on, he had one thought.
Herbert didn’t answer his question.
Dan pissed off Herbert and in retaliation, Herbert was pissing off Dan.
Dan had simply wanted to go out on a date and try to restart his social life but Herbert of course wanted help with the work. That’s always what it was, Dan having to fight the shorter man into letting him take a break.
Herbert sighed with faked sadness. “I guess if you wish for me to die from a test subject… you can go on your date, Daniel.”
“Herbert, just research ways death impacts the body.”
“Oh sure, Daniel. I’ll just do exactly what I’ve been doing every day of my goddamn life since I was seven. But you wouldn’t understand. You’ve never stuck with anything longer than a month. Girlfriends included.”
“Christ, Herbert! Being around you will spread your virginity to me like a disease. At least I have a social life.”
“First of all, I don’t need a social life. Second, I’m not a virgin. And third, this is quite possibly—no it is—the most important discovery and experiment of the 20th, 19th, 18th, and any century before that. This could defeat death, Daniel. Death. This could make us—”
“You’re not a virgin?”
Herbert looked at Dan with a grimace that morphed into disappointment and annoyance. “That’s what you focused on? Of course.”
Dan had focused on it. He couldn’t help himself.
The idea of Herbert having sex was an odd sort of contradiction.
Hell, Herbert being in the same room as a bed was unbelievable, let alone in it with another man. At least, Dan assumed it was another man. Herbert had an odd, calculated way of staring at any man he found “intriguing” in his words that clued Dan into his preferences.
Dan felt angry and what he could now admit was jealousy, but he didn’t understand why. It’s not like he wanted to have sex with Herbert.
“Who was it?” Dan asked.
“I don’t know. Some guy I met in college? Why do you care!”
“How was it?”
“Dan! I am not telling you! Go.”
“...What?”
“On the date.” Herbert stared at him like he was dumb for forgetting. “Go. Get out of the house. More specifically, the basement.”
Dan left quickly to get ready for his date. An unprecedented amount of time had passed.
The date was fine but his thoughts kept drifting back to the lab.
The sex must have been bad with Herbert’s complete lack of interest in it.
It must have been.
It made sense that Dan and Ash clicked the way they did. They were similar people, even if Ash was a little ruder and more on edge than Dan.
On edge was a good term for it. When they went to bars, Ash’s head would snap to the door if it made even the slightest creak. When they were in an open area, Ash had to be pressed against the wall. Ash had to look for every possible escape or entrance in whatever room they were in.
Dan assumed Ash had some sort of PTSD, but he never asked about it. Their relationship was never super deep.
For Dan, it really was just a way to start a social life outside of Francesca, Meg, and Herbert.
One day Dan had Ash over at his house when Herbert just had to come out of the basement covered in blood.
“Dan, can you help with cl—What the fuck is he doing here?” “What the fuck is that bastard doing here?”
Herbert and Ash said the moment they saw each other. The words were hostile, but there was a slight smirk on both of their faces.
“You two know each other?”
They explained how they met at a graveyard. Ash was trying to kill zombies, “deadites” were what he called them, while Herbert was trying to test things without Dan’s help. They had argued but eventually realized that the other was thinking of different types of the undead and formed a begrudging (at first) friendship.
It felt weird knowing that Herbert had friends outside of Dan.
It felt weirder seeing Ash and Herbert being comfortable around each other.
Herbert was a surprisingly tactile person, always resting a hand on Dan’s arm or shoulder. But he fully clung to Ash. He would wrap his arms around Ash’s or lean into him as they stood.
Ash wouldn’t flinch as much near Herbert.
And Dan was jealous. Of course he was.
His roommate—no, friend—was basically being taken away by his kind-of friend.
They were comfortable enough with each other that Dan would’ve thought there was something romantic going on if he hadn’t seen Ash’s interactions with another S-Mart employee or Herbert’s teasing of Ash over some guy named Chet.
Dan ignored the fact the man (Chet?) was also a dark-haired man with glasses.
Dan ignored that Ash was the type of man Herbert would find “intriguing.”
Dan ignored the coil in his chest and the tightness in his throat whenever Herbert and Ash were alone.
After all, why would he be jealous if Herbert and Ash were actually dating?
That has no impact on Dan’s life and he doesn’t care.
Dan fucking hated Howard fucking Phillips.
He had simply wanted to take a little break from the work and Herbert just had to get another assistant.
Howard was some M2 student who seemed to look up to Herbert.
Dan found him annoying and absolutely insufferable.
There was nothing wrong with Howard. He was nice anytime he interacted with Dan. His only crime was taking Dan’s spot in Herbert’s life.
Dan was supposed to be Herbert’s assistant, not some random guy who’s a year younger.
Dan’s date that night had gone poorly. There just wasn’t any spark and Dan went home already annoyed and frustrated. So forgive him for snapping at Howard. Howard left the basement and Herbert followed after. Dan heard the front door close and then the sounds of dress shoes on creaky stairs.
“What was that about!” Herbert practically hissed.
“Aren’t I supposed to be your assistant?”
Herbert laughed, a cold, monotone, fake laugh. “You never want to do the damn work, Daniel. I need help.”
“It’s still my job. Can’t you do it at his house at least?”
“Apartment. And I live here too, Daniel. What? Are you jealous?”
Dan just stormed out of the basement.
Of course he was fucking jealous. His assistance, friendship, and hell, even the ability to reach tall shelves were replaced by some random guy. His role in Herbert’s life was being stolen by Howard fucking Phillips. That’s all it was about. His role as Herbert’s assistant. Definitely not Herbert’s attention. No way.
When Dan went back into the basement to help Herbert, they ignored what happened earlier.
Herbert put his hand on his arm as they waited for the subject to respond.
It didn’t make Dan smile.
It was another day where Dan wanted to go out for a drink but Herbert wanted him to stay and work in the lab.
“Why don’t you just call up Howard? I’m sure he’d love to help.” Dan said through gritted teeth.
“Howard is busy. He has to finish some of his homework.” Herbert was silent for a second. “Once again, are you jealous?”
“Fucking obviously.” Dan was tired, okay.
“Relax, Danny, you’re still a better assistant. Howard is like a younger brother to me, but he’s not a lot of help in the lab.”
Dan felt weirdly relieved, but he shouldn’t have. Hearing your closest friend call someone else a “younger brother” to him should have made him even more jealous. But it didn’t. He felt calmer.
It hit him at that moment when the green light of the reagent reflected on Herbert’s face. The man was pretty, at least in Dan’s eyes. Especially with the green light he was so passionate about softening his features. But Dan had always denied that pull towards Herbert and simply blamed it on Herbert’s manipulation. The only problem with that was that Herbert couldn’t lie for shit and his manipulation was obvious. The shorter man was the most suspicious person in Massachusetts and yet Dan would follow him to hell.
Dan was in love.
There was no denying it anymore.
“What about Ash?” Dan didn’t clue Herbert onto the real question.
Herbert snickered. “Ash would never help me with this. We told you about the deadites, right?”
His face turned more serious, “Daniel, I really need your help.”
And Dan put more pieces together. How Herbert’s calculated gaze had landed on him. How Herbert would let Daniel manhandle him when he was pissed off with one of Herbert’s experiments. How Herbert always wanted to keep Dan in the house and near him.
“Why mine?”
Herbert sputtered. “What… what do you mean by that?”
“Why my help, specifically?”
Herbert paused for a second.
“Dean Halsey likes you, you hate Hill,” he grimaced at the name, “and you have physical advantages I don’t.”
“Many people match those descriptions, yet you chose me immediately after one conversation.”
“Well, you happened to have the listing on the board.”
“You wouldn’t trust your work around someone you just met.”
“What answer are you looking for?” Herbert was defensive now. “There’s nothing specific about you. You just happened to be the most convenient.”
“You’re lying and I’m not looking for a specific answer.”
“You clearly are. Really, just tell…” Herbert’s voice faded out when Daniel stepped closer, his theory confirmed.
They stared at each other for a while before Daniel leaned in and Herbert stiffened.
Their lips met softly. Herbert was clearly inexperienced but he melted into it. They ended the brief kiss with Herbert panting and flushed, his hands around Dan’s neck, pulling him down.
“Daniel, if you don’t mean this and are fucking with me, I will kill you and use you as a test subject.”
Dan smiled and kissed him again.