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till's phone vibrated on the kitchen counter. currently, he was applying eyeliner to his water line since he was getting ready to hang out with the squad. he knew he was running late, and assumed that's the reason why his phone was being spammed..
well, they can't blame me for poking my eyes a few times... it's hard to keep a steady hand while having something so close to your eyeball!
just as he was trying to blink away his tears, he was startled and yelped when he heard three knocks on the door. judging from how loud the knocks were.... till figured it was ivan.
"just a second, ivan!" till yelled out.
till was trying to pick a sweater that would go with his outfit since he knew it was going to be somewhat cold, but then he got the overwhelming feeling of a presence right behind him.
"till~" whispered a low cheeky tone, hot breath fanning against his ear.
till let out a high pitched scream as his face flushed red. all the nerves in his body jumped as he turned around and pushed the person behind him
but......
they took a hold of till's arm as they were falling back with a smirk.
the smirk, the arm and the low toned laugh had all belonged to ivan. the raven head had somehow gotten into till's appartment without making any noise at all, and that creeped the hell out of till.
the raven haired male landed on his back with an oof, while till landed on top of him, hands on either side of ivan's head because he was NOT about to kiss his best friend on accident.
"wow, i didn't think you'd look so attractive from this angle..." ivan teased with a grin, his eyes fluttering as he stared at till's shocked face.
"ivan, what the fuck. why did you come in so quietly? how did i not hear my loud ass creaky door? did you phase through the wall or something!?" till decided to just ignore ivan's comment on his looks and question him instead..... while in this awkward position.
"well, i don't have a problem answering you, but mizi and sua are waiting for us. but i also want to stay put and admire your eyes for awhile longer, if you'd allow me." ivan smiled softly, looking into till's eyes, his little snaggle tooth cutely pressing against his bottom lip. till sighed annoyed, and he looked ten times more adorable while doing it with the flush on his face.
"you're so weird ivan, how am i still friends with you?" till lifted himself off the ground and dusted himself off, then he looked down to see ivan sitting on the floor still, looking up at till expectingly.
"what..?"
"aren't you going to lend me a hand, till~?" ivan smirked
"hell no, get up yourself." till turned around and went to his closet to grab his black sweater.
"you're so mean, i would have carried you to my car and sat you down in my passenger seat." ivan spoke as a matter of factly.
"boohoo, cry about it." till grabbed his phone from the counter, and took his keys. "let's go."
---
"ivan, till! you're finally here!!" mizi called out to them, looking as stunning as ever, till blushed at the sight of her.
"yeah! sorry we're late-"
"till was having trouble applying his eyeliner, he even cried because he poked his eye." ivan spoke as they finally approached the other two.
"hey...! you didn't have to say that...." till's face flushed. embarassed, he punched ivan's shoulder softly and turned away.
"i think your eyeliner came out great till, it looks good on you!" mizi complimented him.
mizi.
complimented.
till.
and he was ecstatic, his heart pumped and his eyes widened slightly.
"you really think so..?" he turned his attention towards mizi, seeing her dazzling golden eyes made him feel all warm, especially because they were looking straight into his teal eyes.
"yeah, i mean it! you think he looks nice too, right ivan?" mizi looked over at ivan expectingly. he chuckled softly at mizi.
"of course i do, he's just so breath taking." ivan smirked as he turned towards till, sua just laughed at it all.
"t-thank you mizi!" till stuttered and smiled all wobbly at her.
"no problem! oh yeah, sua and i have something to announce!"
"what is it?" ivan asked curiously.
"well...." mizi blushed softly as she looked at sua and laced their hands together.
"mizi and i are a couple now, we're dating." sua spoke softly, cheeks also a rosy tint as he looked at mizi.
till's world stopped.
his eyes widened, and he felt a pang at his heart. his breath shuddered as he tried to put on a small smile, tears almost welling up in his eyes.
"congratulations you two, i had a feeling you'd end up together sooner or later. i'm happy for the both of you. i'm also trusting that you will take good care of my sister, right mizi?" ivan looked at the pink haired girl, expecting a positive answer.
"of course i will, she means the world to me." mizi giggled and pecked sua's cheek.
"yeah, i'm happy for the both of you as well." till swallowed the lump in his throat and managed to keep his voice from wavering.
"thank you, both of you. i'm happy you guys support us." sua looked relieved.
"well of course i'd support my sister. i want you to be happy sua, no matter what."
"i feel the same way brother, i also want you to be happy." sua glanced over at till before going to hug ivan.
"i'm sure you guys will have a healthy relationship." till had a soft tone, and a small smile as he looked at both sua and mizi.
in truth, till felt broken on the inside. of course he meant what he said, but the fact remains that he won't ever be able to ever feel mizi's love for himself. his longtime crush, was always going to stay a crush. nothing more than that.
"thank you till, i'm sure you and ivan will too!" mizi smiled brightly, not even paying attention to what she actually said, he just laughed softly, a slight blush still present on his face.
"yeah, of course."
the rest of the hangout went by less lively than till would have imagined. it mostly seemed like a blur, but for the sake of not wanting mizi to worry about him, he kept up the 'i'm happy for you' act, and smiled through the ache in his heart.
as it was already 6 pm, they decided to call it a night and head their separate ways. mizi and sua left together, while ivan decided it was best to stay the night at till's, knowing how... sad he may be from the girls' news.
---
till locked the door behind him. he hung his keys on the small rack by the door before turning around to lock eyes with ivan. the raven head was already looking at till with a sympathetic smile. ivan was about to speak, but then till was overwhelmed with emotion and leaped forward to wrap his arms around ivan, tears blurring his vision as he buried his face into the space between ivan's shoulder and neck.
ivan sighed sadly, his heart ached from seeing till in such a state.
"it's not fair..." till sobbed, his arms tightening around ivan.
"let it all out till, i got you. i will be here to comfort you, no matter what." ivan didn't want till to wear himself out by crying while standing, so he scooped up till bridal style, and walked to till's room down the hall. till was confused at first and gasped, wrapping his arms around ivan's neck. then he realized ivan was just going to carry him to his room, so he relaxed his grip around ivan's neck and smiled to himself.
ivan gently placed till on the edge of his bed, moving to take a seat next to him.
"would you like me to change you into your sleeping clothes?" ivan asked till softly, raising his hand to move the man's bangs away from his face. till nodded and his body trembled slightly.
---
ivan successfully changed his and till's clothes into something more comfortable. their outside clothes were tossed into till's laundry basket, and ivan's shoes were neatly placed by the door. then raven head suggested till cuddle on the bed with him, which made the grey haired male blush furiously.
how could he ask something like that so casually?! till thought to himself. he knew how comforting it was to be in ivan's embrace, but it has always been embarassing for till, considering how small he is compared to ivan. right now though, with the current circumstance, till knows what he needs. so he nods, wanting to revel in that comforting feeling of being embraced by ivan's arms, similar to a blanket on a chill, autumn day.
till laid on the bed first, almost in the center of the mattress. he rested on his side and looked at ivan expectingly, waiting with a shy expression. till knew ivan was staring at him on purpose just to tease him, and it made till blush even more, his ears and neck flushing a rosy shade. he attempted to cover his face with his hands, but then felt the dip in the mattress right infront of him. ivan laid on his side too, slowly moving till's hands from his face. he gave till the warmest smile that he has ever seen on the raven haired boy, even making his dead, empty eyes look full of love and joy. till never knew ivan was capable of such an expression, and just looking at it now, it made till want to smile too. his heart skipped a beat.
"hug me..." till mumbled out, scooting a little closer to ivan before he felt warm arms wrap around him. an overwhelming feeling of belonging erupted from till, and a flood of other emotions washed over him all at once. his arms wrapped around ivan as well, tears welling up in teal eyes once again. ivan moved a hand up to run his fingers through till's soft hair, moving the male's head closer to the crook of his neck. ivan gently pressed his face into till's hair, smelling the coconut scented shampoo that he knows till has used for years. his eyes fluttered shut as he kissed the top till's head, which earned him a little warning bite on his neck. ivan chuckled at the little nip he felt, it didn't hurt much.
---
they laid there in each other's arms for awhile. few tears still streamed down till's face, but his breathing had evened out. ivan kept running his fingers through soft, coconut scented grey locks, then he transitioned into massaging till's scalp.
till doesn't remember the last time he has ever felt this kind of comfort. his childhood years were rough, and as he grew up, he was always distracting himself from his thoughts by doing many reckless things, and finding new hobbies. he wrote lyrics and composed songs, played guitar, got into fights, messed around in class, did flower art, and lots of other things.
ever since the two met, they have been inseparable. the raven head has always followed, and admired the grey haired boy. even if till wasn't very fond of ivan's company half of the time, he found it better than being lonely. ivan was really annoying, especially whenever he teased till, but he was glad that he had someone to bicker with. the grey haired found joy in being against others; he was rebellious.
ivan seems like a rough guy at a glance, but he can be gentle, and loving if he feels like it. or at least, that's what till thinks. (we all know he's only like that with till)
as ivan kept massaging till's head, the grey haired sighed contently. unintentionally, he also let out a soft moan at the feeling. of course, he froze upon hearing himself, and his face resembled that of a tomato. ivan laughed at an embarassed till pressing his face further into ivan's neck, and the raven felt the warmth of till's blood rush.
"is this the type of love that you have longed for all these years? being in another's arms as they comfort you, and make you feel like you belong?" ivan spoke up, his voice as smooth as ever. till felt the vibration of ivan's neck against his face.
"yeah... im always surprised that out of everyone, you're the one who somewhat fills that longing in me. it's stupid, and i hate you for that." till mumbled out, still blushing.
"do you know why i've always tried to fill that longing in you?" the raven head tapped the back of till's neck, signaling for till to move his head back so they can look at each other.
"well.... aren't friends there to... comfort each other?" till looked confused and ivan could only giggle at him.
"that may be true, but don't you realize that normal friendships aren't like ours? you know how clingy i can be sometimes, and even if i do it to annoy you, all i truly long for is your attention."
"my attention? why would you crave something like that? you're my friend ivan, i talk to you most of the time whenever i'm not in a bad mood." till spoke with honesty, and just as oblivious as he always had been, he doesn't understand what the other is getting at. ivan brought their forheads together, and placed his hand on till's cheek.
"you're really that oblivious till? i know your life revolves around mizi, but that kinda hurts you know." ivan pouted as till moved hand away from his face.
"oblivious... what? how so?" till looked really confused, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared into ivan's shallow eyes, but in that moment, those eyes looked like they were full of longing, wanting so desperately to reach out to something, and wishing to never let go of it.
"i'm in love with you. my universe revolves around you. everyday, i live in hopes of basking in your gaze, no matter what it is that you feel when you look at me. hatred, dissapointment, disgust, anything. even if you're tired of me and you decide it's finally time to let me go, i'll understand. i'll accept anything, so long as it's from you, till." ivan's gaze softened as he spoke. he stared into glossy teal eyes that widened, and pupils that grew smaller after every word ivan spoke in that loving tone of his.
till's breath shuddered, his lips trembled, and he examined ivan's face frantically, looking for any signs that indicated he was just teasing, or joking. till stopped hugging ivan and kept his hands to his own chest instead.
"you dont- you don't mean that... i'm in love with mizi, ivan-"
"i mean it." ivan reaffirmed.
"but mizi-"
"till."
"my love belongs to-" ivan sighed.
"you're not listening to me, till." the raven head gave till a sad smile, moving to wrap his hands around till's slowly.
is he serious about all this? till blushed as he was succumbing to his thoughts, and letting every one of ivan's words sink in.
why? why does he love me? all these years he...
till kept looking into ivan's eyes, but it seemed like the raven head was not backing down, not about to burst into a fit of laughter and make till feel stupid for ever falling for such absurd thoughts.
"you really fucking mean that?" till spoke wearily, his eyes still wide and his face still that pretty rosy shade that ivan adored on him.
"i mean it, i swear it on my soul." the grey haired boy's gaze softened, and it looked like he was about to cry again.
"what do you think made you fall in love with me?" till's gaze felt small on ivan. the grey haired male believed he knew everything about ivan, believing that he only thought of till as someone to tease and mess around with.
but it was always more than that.
"well, for one, your personality. you're very open with your feelings and opinions. you like to stand up for yourself ,and others that you care about. you're very caring towards things you love. you're passionate about everything you do. you're open to trying new things....." once again, ivan raised his hand to cup the side of till's face, caressing his cheek gently with his thumb. his black eyes resembled something akin to longing once again, something that is within reach, yet hesitating to grab on.
"need i go on?" his little snaggle tooth looks so cute...
till stared, dumbfounded.
"i don't know how to feel about this... ivan. i'm so confused.. you were a major part of my childhood, i saw you everyday for the past ten years.... i've never thought of you in a romantic way...." till explained as he looked at ivan's face, but it felt different. he blushed at how attractive his feautres were.
have his eyelashes always looked so pretty? since when were his eyes so captivating that i could get lost in them? why are his lips so plump and soft looking?
till closed his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to get his thoughts together. he felt like he was falling apart.
"why not a kiss to test the waters?" ivan's words echoed in till's mind.
"what?"
"if you want to be loved, i can give you that. i'll take good care of you, i promise."
"ivan...." till breathed out, barely above a whisper. his face, neck, and ears completely red. normally, he'd be yelling at ivan right now, but after his confession, realizing that the raven head may be his gay awakening, and the promise of receiving love from him, till felt extremely flustered. he wishes to hide away.
"please, just one kiss?"
till breathed shakily, musing it over.
if i hate it, i'll tell him to stop. atleast i know that right now, he would definitely stop if i was uncomfortable.
then he finally nodded.
"you're so cute when you're thinking something over, till."
"huh-" ivan closed his eyes and pressed his lips against till's.
till's surprised noise was muffled, and his lips froze. he didn't think it would actually happen...
upon regestering how soft ivan's lips were, till relaxed his face muscles and kissed him back, closing his eyes. he could hear his own heartbeat in his head, as if it was reverberating off his skull, and felt warmth spread all throughout his body. it was unlike anything till had ever experienced before. every nerve in his body was on fire, and his heart was about to jump out of his chest.
it was exhilirating.
just one kiss, and every one of till's senses awoke.
if this is what it means to be loved then...
he never wants this to stop.
ivan smiled into the kiss when he felt arms wrap around his neck. the raven head moved his hands to rest on till's slim waist, and pulled him in closer.
when they both pulled away, panting softly, ivan's eyes were sparkling.
his once dark, empty eyes sparkled like stars that were visible on a clear night sky. and for the first time ever, other than blood, till saw color on ivan's face. a faint blush was painted over his cheeks as he admired till, love struck.
"again." till mumbled, and ivan wasted no time kissing him once more.
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