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English
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Part 6 of stand beside the dark
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Published:
2024-10-24
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1,779
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1/1
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even if it hurts

Summary:

All it takes is the instance between one breath and another, to slip down away from the Light.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"They raised me, and then sent me to my home." Xanatos sneers. "To watch as my Master killed my father!"

He pauses, chest heaving, the room around them ringing with his shout. Revan watches, silent, as Xanatos smooths his face down into a placid mask and runs a practiced hand through his hair, like it will hide the tremble in his fingers.

Xanatos sniffs, "Not that you would understand."

Under the fall of his hood, Revan smiles.

Across from him Xanatos stills at the sight, and begins to puff up again in offense like a tooka.

"Is that it?"

Xanatos flushes an unattractive red, the scar on his cheek standing out starkly and opens his mouth to reply, but Revan doesn't let him get the chance.

"Is that all the Jedi did to you? Sent you on your Trials, no matter how unrecommended they were, and your Master kills the leader of a violent civil war in front of you." Rage boils in the Force, but Revan lets it fall past him, and focuses on what is hiding underneath. "A cruel thing, certainly, to witness the death of your father at the hands of your father figure. Tell me, Xanatos du Crion. Are you more upset at the death of your father, or the fact that the Jedi Order abandoned you completely when you left? Are you furious at them, the ones who raised you and taught you? Furious that they left you here, alone, grieving, and scared? Truly a child at heart--"

"Shut up!"

The furniture around them rattles, the Force lashing out with Xanatos' fury.

Revan lets it all wash over him, and shrugs off the compulsion Xanatos slides into his words.

"No." He says, and Xanatos rocks back onto his heels, fists clenched. Tilting his head to one side, Revan gazes placidly at Xanatos.

"Are you done having your tantrum?" Revan asks.

Xanatos sneers, like Revan can't feel the tender tickle of the Dark side around the young man, soft but biting like the touch of a jilted lover. "I should call my security forces to deal with you, considering your trespassing."

Hidden under the heavy fall of his hood, Revan rolls his eyes and says, "Do you truly believe me that stupid? I am not the Council to be persuaded with pretty words and a quick lie, Xanatos."

"Since you seem to know the Council so well, then you should know already what I am." Xanatos flings his arms out to the side, gesturing at himself. "Disgraced! Fallen! They see no reason to give aid to one who has abandoned them, even if all I ever wanted was help!"

Xanato pauses his tirade, and gives Revan a cuttingly suspicious look. "Unless you are sent by the Council, to deal with me for good."

Force save him, the boy is a moron.

"If I had wanted you dead," Revan says evenly, "you already would be."

Blue eyes in a pale face narrow as Revan continues, "So if you are still alive, then what does that mean?"

"You want something from me." Xanatos sniffs, and crosses his arms even as his face darkens. "I've already turned down one offer of apprenticeship and I have no interest suffering the result of refusing again."

That drags Revan's attention back from where he had idly been looking around the lavish bedroom, and it feels as if he is a hunting massiff, ears perked forward and nose twitching at the sight of long sought prey.

"Again?" He asks, and even he can tell his voice is different, low and harsh in a way that makes Xanatos flinch minutely.

Even from here, across the room in the pre dawn dusk, Revan can see the tremble of Xanatos' body. What he had originally thought of as fear, or anger, or some other emotion strong enough to set adrenaline rushing is instead the feebleness of a wounded body. Revan catches a flash of memory in the Force from Xanatos, buried under his shields just as quickly as it surfaced, of a laughing hooded figure, and crackling arcs of lightning.

He tries to soften his voice, and asks, "Again, Xanatos?"

The young man draws himself up as best he can, still healing from Force lightning as he is, and looks down his nose at Revan. "I have no interest in giving another Sith information freely."

Behind that bravado, Revan can feel Xanatos' uncertainty at his statement.

"Sith? I am no Sith." Revan says.

An elegant eyebrow arches, disbelieving. "Perhaps you are no Sith, but even I can feel the Dark around you. The Council would doubtless strike you down if they came upon you alone."

No Sith. Hah.

All it takes is the instance between one breath and another, to slip down away from the Light.

Darkness greets him like an old friend, and Revan closes his eyes at the rush of ecstasy. Warmth fills his chest, his eyes, and for a moment the urge to cry is overwhelming. Unfurling from his shoulders like a heavy cloak, comforting with its weight, an aura of Darkness spills across the tiled floor quick enough he hears the stone creak at the sudden chill.

Fear snaps into existence across the room, bitter and stinging.

Darth Revan lets his eyes slide open to see Xanatos, bone-white and on the floor, cowering.

"You have no idea what true Dark is like, Xanatos." He says softly.

Xanatos whimpers.

Disappointed in the reaction, but not entirely surprised, Darth Revan slowly makes his way toward him, steps sure and even. Somehow, Xanatos turns even paler, stretching his head away as far as he can, as if that will make him disappear when all it does is bare his throat.

Pleasure curls, thick and heady in his gut at the sight, and Darth Revan drops into a crouch next to Xanatos.

"You have no idea," he breathes, "the kind of power, true power, that comes from the Dark Side." Snapping out a hand, he catches Xanatos' chin in a tight grip, forcing that head around to face him. "Not you, not the Council, and certainly not the pathetic little spawn of Bane that calls itself lord."

Darth Revan sucks in a breath through his nose, reveling in how Xanatos is shivering, a fine tremble through limbs even as his jaw clenches in clear anger at his reaction.

Logic is easily overridden by instincts in the face of clear danger.

But he didn't come here for this. What did he come here for?

Darth Revan holds himself still, all of him wanting nothing more than to reach out with hands and the Force, to rip into soft delicate flesh, aching for the screaming that will start if he does, oh the screaming--

Deliberately, he closes his eyes, hiding Xanatos from sight even if he can still feel him in the Force, a quivering ball of terror. It's enticing, intoxicating in a way no other drug in the universe is, and Revan turns himself away even as teeth dig into his soul.

There, in the roiling mass of himself screaming, is a faint shimmer.

Heart beginning to race, Revan reaches out--

Stops himself, forces himself to breathe, to tune out the pull of the Dark Side, of Xanatos and his fear.

A glittering gossamer thread, as thin as a spiders web, stretches out into the vast universe from a part of his mind he keeps carefully shielded. Shielded so the one on the other side of this precious bond remains unscathed.

Carefully, Revan reaches out and in the Force like this, completely surrounded, there is no physical form, but all the same he cups his hands around the bond he has with Fox, not touching it, just holding it. In the Dark Side their bond looks delicate, fragile, easily shattered and replaced and something in his gut tugs, telling him to do just that.

Revan forces himself to still again, to sink deeper into the Force, to focus on that delicate strength seeping from their bond. Like this, with so much space between them, their bond is stretched thin, but even still, Revan can feel the relaxation of a tired mind at rest. There's an ache in his chest at the thought of Fox asleep in his bunk, bundled up under almost every blanket on the ship because space is always too cold for him, grumbling about heat escaping even as he lifts the blankets for Revan to slip in next to him.

Fox is kind, in a way that makes the breath in his throat catch whenever it is directed towards him.

Like this, it's easy to slip away from the Dark Side.

What else could be more enticing than the love and faith of another?

Letting himself have one more moment to bask in the muted glow that is Fox, Revan sucks in a breath through his nose, and slides his eyes open on the exhale.

Xanatos stares back with wide eyes, weak sunlight streaming in through the tall windows of his rooms, bathing them both in the swathes of orange and yellow brought by the rising sun.

Feeling more peaceful than he has in the months he's been away from Fox, rooting out the influence of the Sith Lord, Revan leans back on his heels and lets go of Xanatos' chin. Dark purple bruising greets him and there's a faint pang of guilt, before he lets it wash away in the Force.

"You- how- what?" Xanatos stutters, making no move to get away from Revan.

He smiles softly and says, "Control."

Xanatos gapes at him, mouth open, and Revan has to stand and turn away from him to hide his smile.

"You- That makes no sense!" There’s a scrabbling behind him as Xanatos rushes to stand, quick footsteps bringing the young man to his front. "That's not how the Dark Side works!"

Revan raises one eyebrow, unimpressed, and Xanatos flushes.

"I know the influence of the Dark Side more intimately than you will hopefully ever know in your life, Xanatos." He says, gently, reaching out to brush his fingers over chilled skin. "And the Jedi Council today sees any Darkness as a terrible, inexcusable thing; something you can never return from."

Xanatos grits his jaw and moves to speak. Fingers tucked under his chin close his mouth, fear and regret and grief trickling faintly from the touch.

"You can always come back, Xanatos."

Revan wipes away the tears falling down Xanatos' face, cradling his face in his hands.

"There is always hope." Revan whispers.

In the rising sun of a planet Revan has never visited before, he holds Xanatos close as he weeps.

Notes:

One day I'll rearrange these chronologically. Today is not that day.

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