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James Potter doesn’t know shame. Never even heard of it. However, he disliked disappointing people – and that’s what happened with Lily. After James serenaded her for years, and boasted about how he was going to marry her one day, his friends must have been disappointed that after so long he ‘had given up’.
Except, he didn’t give up; he grew up. He finally learned to take “no” for an answer. Lily wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship with him, and James finally learned to accept it. Of course, the realisation hurt, but James slowly got over it. They actually became quite good friends, which made James regret not getting over the one-sided crush sooner.
So, when James Potter found himself interested in someone else, he decided not to tell anyone. He wasn’t keeping it a secret; he just didn’t want to give others hope, only to disappoint them again. Additionally, he felt it’d be a bit annoying if he told his friends, since once he started talking about his new infatuation, he wasn’t sure he could stop.
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It started a few weeks back, James was walking from class (well, running late, actually), and as he was going down the stairs, he fell. There was a boy – a dark haired Slytherin boy – and he laughed. He walked past James and laughed.
James probably should have felt hurt or ashamed, but no – he was actually quite happy. The boy was beautiful. Really, fucking beautiful. And James was a sucker for pretty people (viz. Lily). He spent the next whole week thinking of the boy – his face, his laugh – oh, his laugh haunted him. James didn’t think he had ever heard a sexier laugh escape anyone’s lips. Oh, those lips. James was down bad, and he didn’t even know the boy’s name.
It took a lot of self-control not to tell his friends about him. James didn’t like keeping secrets, but he was afraid of being annoying or a disappointment, so whenever he opened his mouth to mention the beautiful boy, he stopped himself.
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After a week, James was passing through the same staircase, and as he was going down, he noticed the boy again. And James was so pathetic that he actually considered throwing himself down the stairs again – on purpose this time – just to make him laugh.
Although James doesn’t know shame, he feels a bit ashamed to admit he actually did it. He fell on purpose, which may have been a bit foolish. James regretted it once he hit the ground, because it hurt. But then the boy laughed, muttering, “Not again” under his breath. James grinned – mission successfully completed. Consummatum est.
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“Oi, Prongs, what’s that on your arm?” Sirius questioned as they were changing from their Quidditch uniforms after a tiring practice.
James looked at his arm to see a bruise, most likely from falling down the stairs.
“Oh, I tripped down the stairs on my way to class,” James shrugged.
Sirius laughed, shaking his head, “Merlin, Prongs, learn how to walk.”
James laughed with him, feeling a bit guilty about keeping a secret like that from Sirius. He knew he didn’t owe him anything, but it felt weird not telling him everything. James wasn’t used to it.
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The turning point was the following week. James may have waited a few minutes behind the corner until he saw the boy’s silhouette before heading down the stairs (this time determined not to fall, for a change).
As the boy passed by, James felt his hand on his forearm, followed by a whispered, “Careful, mind the stairs,” in his ear.
James was in a trance for the next few hours, replaying the memory of the boy’s voice and touch. James wasn’t delusional, thinking the boy wanted him, was he? He willingly touched James, went closer to him, whispered in his ear – he wanted to be close to James. And the whispered warning? The boy clearly cared, clearly noticed, clearly didn’t want James to get hurt again.
If it had been anyone else, they’d probably take that encounter as someone giving them a friendly warning. James took it as a love confession.
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“And what’re you grinning about, James?” Marlene asked as they were sitting in the Gryffindor common room around the fireplace.
James was taking up the whole couch, lying down and playing with the Snitch he had nicked in his third year. “I don’t know what you mean,” he insisted, a grin plastered on his face.
“Don’t lie, Prongs. You’ve been grinning like an idiot for the past week,” Peter piped in from where he was struggling with his Arithmancy homework.
“I’m just happy, you know. Happy to be alive, life’s nice,” James mused, catching sight of his friends sharing a look in his peripheral vision.
“Well, that makes one of us,” Peter groaned, throwing his unfinished homework on the ground.
“I told you I could lend you my notes,” Remus repeated, sitting by the fire, with Sirius in his lap, winding his hand through Sirius’s hair as his eyes were closed.
“No, I want to do this by myself,” Peter insisted, picking up his homework again.
James admired his persistence.
“On second thought, I might take a look at those notes,” Peter said after two minutes of scribbling it out and rewriting it again and again.
What followed was laughter, and Sirius groaning when Remus got up, shaking him off, to get his notes.
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