Work Text:
Just pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
They say it ain't that hard
But just puttin' one foot
In front of the other
Ain't gettin' me too far
This movin' on ain't comin' along
The way they said it would
Leah was walking to the Sobha training centre for practice, headphones on and mind in a daze, her feet knowing the way on their own accord without second thought. Her mind preoccupied with a certain person. A certain person she happened to be head over heels in love with. That person being her everything, the person she’d spent numerous days and nights with sharing laughs, comfort, stories, passion and love. For the best part of 14 months, they were inseparable. Until the outside world burst their bubble and ended their relationship.
*Flashback to 3 months ago*
“Hey gorgeous, how was your day?” Leah asked Alessia, who was currently in the kitchen preparing dinner, Leah walked over to her resting her hand on her lower back and giving her a quick kiss.
“It’s been good, went for coffee with Lotte earlier and just been pottering around. How was the photoshoot?” Alessia asked, smiling at her girlfriend.
“That sounds nice. It was…a bit risqué…they ummm, they had me basically flirting with the models in very minimal clothing to capture the vibe of the shoot…” Leah told Alessia cautiously. Alessia stopped cutting up the vegetables she was preparing and looked at Leah, eyeing her and noticing the defender looking anywhere but at her.
“What happened?” Alessia asked flatly. Leah continued looking down at her feet, she found she couldn’t meet Alessia’s stare.
“They directed one to kiss me…but I swear it didn’t mean anything, it was just for a few seconds…as soon as it was done it was over. I’m sorry Less, if I’d known that’s what it was before the shoot, I wouldn’t have signed up for it.” Leah reeled off an explanation, Alessia now had her arms crossed, dinner prep now forgotten.
“Fuck sake Leah…I don’t know how much more of this I can take! First the night out last month with that woman dancing all over you, writing her number on your hand and that kiss...now this…” Alessia said, pinching her nose with her fingers in annoyance.
“I swear Less, I didn’t know about it before going in, there’s no way I would have done it. You were there that night out, you saw she basically cornered me!” Leah continued before Alessia cut her off.
“Did you think about saying no either time?! What about when they told you what the plan was for the shoot?! You could easily have pushed the woman away as well, don’t pretend you couldn’t.” Alessia asked, looking at the defender who looked away.
“No…I didn’t.” Leah whispered, Alessia looked at her and shook her head.
“This is becoming a common pattern…I’m your girlfriend, I thought what was happening here meant something to you. Maybe I’m feeling us more than you are because if it was the other way around, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have stood up for this relationship! You have the right to say no…and you didn’t even think to do that.” Alessia said angrily and stormed away up the stairs.
“Less you know we can’t do that because we’re not out to the public, we agreed!” Leah tried to argue.
“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot just because this isn’t all over the media, it means our morals and trust are ok to fly out the window, you’re right…I’ll just go book a few photoshoots and start making out with strangers…but that’s ok because this relationship isn’t real if only our family and friends know about it! Seriously Leah?!” Alessia said sarcastically in response from upstairs.
“What are you doing?” Leah asked weakly, following her up the stairs.
“Packing a bag, don’t try and stop me!” Alessia huffed and slammed their bedroom door in Leah’s face.
*End of flashback*
Leah let out a sigh when she reached the changing rooms and dropped her bag into her locker, sat down on the bench in front of it and put her head in her hands, headphones still on. She was trying not to let her emotions get to her. That was all good and well until the next person to enter the room was Alessia, followed by Lotte and Vic, all giggling. Alessia’s heart ached straight away seeing Leah looking broken, head in her hands. Leah must have heard them through her music as she opened her eyes, landing on Alessia’s blue eyes immediately, showing a fleeting moment of empathy before the striker turned her back to get changed and continued talking to Vic. Leah looked crestfallen. Lotte walked over to her and squeezed her shoulder with a small smile. The team knew everything so there were no secrets between them. Alessia finished changing quickly, grabbed her boots and water then turned to head out.
“Hi Less, how are you?” Leah asked as she walked past the defender on the way out.
“Fine, see you out there.” Alessia replied, voice slightly strained and walked out.
I guess whoever said the grass is greener
Must have never seen the other side
What don't kill you makes you stronger
Sure sounds like a lie
And whoever said that time heals everything
And everything will be alright?
Whoever said it ain't the end of the world
You can find somebody new
Must've never met you
Alessia loves training and playing football but when she’s marking her ex-girlfriend and working closely with her for set piece practise, her inner strength is truly tested! She didn’t want to break up with Leah…she never thought they would once they’d got together after months of flirtations and closeness. They couldn’t deny the growing attraction between them until one day the flirting went that step further and they kissed, the rest as they say was history…until it did in fact end. Alessia has always known Leah was attractive, charming and flirty, smart and witty. She just didn’t think once they’d started a relationship that she’d still have to share the flirting and charm with others…yes, she knows media is part of their jobs and lives, but everyone has boundaries, right? They had decided a few months into their relationship they’d only tell family and friends, they didn’t want to be scrutinized by the public, media and fans who didn’t agree or had negative comments to throw their way. The thing is, if Alessia was asked about a relationship of any kind with anyone, she’d easily deflect to another topic or say she’s just focusing on football currently…she wasn’t lying, she just didn’t answer the particular question. Leah agreed to do the same, it was their decision. Leah, being the captain of the country, was always the first request for magazines, adverts and social media pieces. Some sporty, some culture, some for pride, some for being a woman…the list goes on. Alessia could handle that. But on Leah’s last shoot when they were together, it was for an upcoming pride and sexual orientation magazine who were known for their daring publications. Alessia was ok with Leah being surrounded by scantily clad woman (who she could admit were beautiful), but to actually kiss someone else (again) whilst they’re together, that was enough for Alessia. When Alessia found out about the shoot and their following argument, she decided to pack a bag and left to spend a few nights holed up in a hotel in London. She ignored Leah’s calls and messages. A few days later, she knew the magazine had been published so she went to her local store to get a copy, read the article, saw the photos – in one photo there was a model literally biting Leah’s bottom lip with a look of seduction in her eyes with Leah glaring right back at her…that must have been the one who kissed her - then proceeded to burn it, tears in her eyes. Why would Leah go and do that?! Why not say no?!
Leah must have text Ella and Lotte after she’d left their apartment as they’d both sent her messages to check in on her. Ella got the train to London and spent a couple of nights with Alessia, taking her out shopping and for food to distract her. She comforted Alessia when she’d woken up in the night to see the blonde sat on the floor against the bed crying. The next day they both had to go back to their clubs for training.
“Thanks for visiting and trying to cheer me up Tooney, I’ll see you in a few weeks for the Internationals” Alessia said hugging the life out of her best friend.
“Anytime Sis, just call me for anything ok? I’m holding out hope for you two, you’re great for each other. I know it hurts now…give it some time, this is just a hurdle ok. Leah knows to do better, she loves you. She’s been in tears on the phone with me as well, just don’t tell her I told you. Or if you don’t want that, there’s plenty more options out there for you.” Ella said, hugging Alessia back.
“I just need some space from her, until she can prove she really loves me.” Alessia said with a sad smile.
Must've never heard you say
You'd never leave me
Then watch you walk away
Must've never fell as hard as I did
'Cause then they wouldn't say
Maybe we weren't meant to be
And maybe you're better off alone
The Arsenal team had a night out for team bonding following Jonas leaving the club, they decided to go for some food and dancing to let their hair down for a night. During the meal, Alessia would catch Leah looking her way a few times, sitting diagonally from each other. It wasn’t intentional but Alessia was wearing a slightly revealing thin sweater with some tight jeans, wanting to feel good about herself. She clocked Leah the minute she walked in, her gaze falling over her figure in the green chinos and tight black polo t-shirt she was wearing, hair down, simple make-up, eyes intense when they met across the table. Leah smiled at her genuinely, Alessia nodded back. Alessia noticed through the meal Leah had decided to stick to water or Pepsi, Alessia on the other hand, had a couple of drinks to help her relax a bit. After her third, she decided to stop as the ache in her body and her heart was starting to grow the more the evening dragged on and her gaze began lingering a bit too long on her former lover.
On the way to the nightclub, Alessia had fallen in line to walking next to Leah, hands by their sides kept brushing briefly. Leah would look at her every time it happened. As the group entered the club, Alessia linked her pinky finger with Leah’s and held her back, walked them to the side of the building down a small alleyway so they were out of sight.
“You ok?” Leah asked as Alessia turned around to face her. Alessia looked at Leah’s eyes, her lips, her eyes and pulled her by the arm closer until their lips met in a hungry kiss, Alessia backed Leah into the wall, Leah grabbed Alessia’s hips and pulled her closer to her body, both letting out soft noises and continued making out until the need for air fully took over. Alessia pulled back, resting her forehead against Leah’s, one of her hands on Leah’s neck and the other on her waist.
“I miss you.” Alessia whispered, eyes closed and breathing in the defender’s scent.
“I miss you too, so fucking much Less.” Leah whispered back, running the back of her finger over Alessia’s cheek, she felt a tear fall over her finger.
“I need to go. Tell the girls I wasn’t feeling well or something.” Alessia said as she put some space between them.
“Let me go with you, please? Just so I know you’re home safe?” Leah requested. Alessia nodded in approval, wiping the tears from her eyes. In the back of the taxi, they held hands for the entirety of the journey and to Alessia’s door.
“Thanks…for looking out for me. Sorry about the kiss.” Alessia said softly before walking in and closing the door. Leah walked back home, got into bed and broke down – again. How could she have broken this incredible woman?! Since she left months ago, Leah had made some changes in her life. She cut back on drinking, stopped doing media duties unless it was for something important and just wanted to be a better person in general, in the hopes one day they get back together.
I guess whoever said the grass is greener
Must've never seen the other side
What don't kill you makes you stronger
Sure sounds like a lie
And whoever said that time heals everything
And everything will be alright?
Whoever said it ain't the end of the world
You can find somebody new
Must've never met you
Must've never met you
Maybe we weren't meant to be
And maybe you're better off alone
A few weeks later and the ladies were just finishing the international camp, having won the first two of their friendlies against Germany and South Africa. Leah and Alessia had remained professional through the camp, not having much time on their own. Both were friendly enough around others, a few stolen glances when the other wasn’t looking, when Alessia scored against Germany, Leah’s hug may have lasted a few seconds longer than everybody else. Leah, Alessia, Lotte and Beth were all in the car on the way back to St Albans, having travelled together.
“Good break wasn’t it ladies, good wins there!” Beth said breaking the atmosphere.
“Yeh, good to see Sarina trying some new link ups. Good couple of goals for star girl here!” Lotte agreed, nudging Alessia’s shoulder who sat next to her.
“Thanks, it was fun. Always nice to score.” Alessia responded.
“That header was a bloody rocket, keeper had no chance!” Leah complimented, looking at Alessia across the car.
“Thanks Le.” Alessia said, the nickname slipping out, eyes glancing to Leah’s who looked pleasantly surprised. Alessia looked away, inwardly telling herself off.
It happened to be Lotte and Beth’s houses were first on the drop off route, leaving Leah and Alessia alone a bit longer.
“Any plans for the next few days?” Leah asked, not wanting to sit in silence.
“Not really, just stay home and recharge a bit before we go back into the season. You?” Alessia replied looking to Leah.
“Same really. I was wondering do you ummm, do you want to come over maybe, talk…or not, please don’t feel like you have to say yes. I just miss you so much…and I want to make things right with you Less.” Leah opened up, looking out the window as they approached Alessia’s apartment, biting the inside of her cheek.
“Ok…tomorrow?” Alessia replied, the answer shocking Leah to turn her head quickly in surprise. Alessia let out a small giggle, oh how Leah had missed that giggle.
Whoever said the grass is greener
Must've never seen the other side
What don't kill you makes you stronger
Still sounds like a lie
And whoever said that time heals everything
And everything will be alright?
Whoever said it ain't the end of the world
You know she ain't the only girl
You win, you lose, you find somebody new
Must have never met you
Oh, must have never met you
Must have never met you
Leah was a ball of nervous energy when a knock on her door indicated Alessia’s arrival. She did a final glance around the house ensuring it was all tidy and in order before nodding to herself and opening the front door.
“Hi, thanks for coming over, you look lovely, come in…you know the way.” Leah rambled, feeling the heat creeping to her cheeks. Alessia smirked and walked past a flustered Leah and into the living room area to sit on the sofa, looking around and noticing a few small changes to the last time she was there, that fateful night.
“Can I get you a drink? Or a snack? Or nothing? I’m sorry I know I’m rambling, I’m just nervous.” Leah rushed out.
“Leah, just breathe and sit down before you pass out. I’ll get us some water.” Alessia replied, getting off the sofa and walking into the kitchen, getting two glasses from the cupboard next to the fridge…she still knew her way around like it was second nature. She walked back over to Leah handing her one of the glasses and sat back down.
“Thanks Less. How are you so calm right now?” Leah asked, looking to the striker who looked around again.
“I wasn’t…stayed up most of the night overthinking about this. Then I thought, what the hell – can’t be as bad as the last time I was here – so in comparison, it isn’t as bad.” Alessia replied, gaze landed on Leah who briefly hung her head down before looking up at the striker and nodded, putting her glass down on the floor.
“Logical way of looking at it. I’ve ummm been doing some work the last couple of months, on myself, trying to become a better person. I’ve done a lot of reflecting and each time, it ended the same – with you walking out or you crying and upset. I’m so sorry Alessia for all the pain, hurt, anger and upset I’ve caused you. Nothing was ever done intentionally, I thought I could never hurt you…then my actions did. I should have had a clearer mind back then to match my heart. I completely ruined you and me, I’m so sorry for that. You mean the world to me, I’ve never met anyone like you and I know I never will. I don’t want to move on from you, I can’t live without you Alessia Russo. These past few months have been so hard and I know its my fault but I’m asking, begging, if there’s any slight possibility that you can let me try and make it up to you? I love you Less.” Leah said, her thoughts and emotions coming out, having had an immediate effect on Alessia who had tears in her eyes. As did Leah, who was looking at the blonde striker, she moved her hand from her lap to hold Alessia’s hand, Alessia squeezed it back with one hand and wiped her tears with the other.
“I hate how good you are with speeches.” Alessia sniffled again, causing Leah to chuckle softly at the response and looked down at their hands.
“This one is the most important so far, had to give it my all.” Leah replied, rubbing her thumb over Alessia’s hand.
“You broke me, Leah. You loved me, then you broke me. Yet here I am, still in love with you even though I’ve tried not to be the past few months. If we give this another go and the same thing happens, I’m going to break beyond repair and I don’t know if I can take that risk. This has already been too painful.” Alessia admitted, Leah fully listening to her and taking her comments on board, adding more tears to the defender’s eyes. Leah moved ever so slightly up the sofa to Alessia.
“I completely understand. I know it’s a big risk, I don’t ever want to break your heart again, I will do everything in my power each and every day to prove to you and make it up to you. Let me show you that I’ve changed for the better. I just want the chance to keep loving you Less, I’ll shout it from the fucking roof of Wembley if you let me.” Leah said, taking Alessia’s hand in hers and kissing the back of it then holding it close to her heart, looking into Alessia’s eyes with nothing but sincerity and love. The following few seconds of silence felt like minutes, Alessia looking up at the ceiling, closing her eyes and letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in. She looked at Leah and her heart gave in. Alessia closed the distance between them slowly until her lips brushed against Leah’s, sending that familiar buzz around their bodies, Alessia held her hands over Leah’s cheeks and kept their lips together. She could taste salt and pulled back slightly to see Leah crying but with a hopeful smile.
“You better shout it from the roof of Wembley. This time I want the world to know we’re together. It may just save us.” Alessia told Leah who nodded in agreement.
“I love you so much, I’ve missed you.” Leah said and pulled Alessia into a long-awaited hug.
“You can start by taking me on a date.” Alessia suggested, Leah nodded against her neck then pulled back, looking into her favourite eyes.
“Alessia, can I take you out for dinner tonight?” Leah asked with a small smile, Alessia grinned back.
“That would be lovely, thank you.” Alessia replied with a knowing smile before leaning forward and placed a lingering kiss against the Leah’s lips. A kiss full of forgiveness, hope and love.