Chapter Text
The days fled like leaves from a tree in autumn. The weather danced between bright sunshine and sparkling skies, and the most lamented, dull, swollen ebony clouds.
Throughout this time, a dull ache resided in his heart, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He felt restless
He spent most of his free time with Ryou at school and on weekends—when he wasn't fooling around with Youhei or playing baseball with Akio.
It didn’t help that he missed Kyou. He barely caught a glimpse of her fleeting purple hair. He missed her nearly beheading him with thrown dictionaries or running him over in the morning on her bike. Much to his growing unrest, Toyoma managed mistake Ryou for her older sister.
Now it was Sunday, and he was on a date with Ryou, both munching on ice cream—a routine they had developed over the past month.
But only he wasn't actually munching, or rather, he took small nibbles off it.
She stole a glance at Toyoma before blushing faintly. His ice cream was melting.
"Tomoya-kun."
He looked at her, surprised.
"I wanted to try calling you by your first name..." she said, not meeting his gaze.
At his look of surprise she glanced away, a bit deflated. "You didn’t like it?"
"Of course not."
Ryou met his eyes hopefully, raising her head. "Really?"
"Yeah." He affirmed, brushing her concerns aside. "Kyou always calls me—" Toyoma stopped abruptly.
"You're right. You must be thinking, 'Why now?'"
"Yeah...?"
She smiled at him expectantly. "If you don’t mind, could you call me 'Ryou' as well?"
"Yeah. Then, Ryou."
"T-Toyoma-kun." She giggled happily.
The evening unfolded this way, although the golden glow didn’t accompany the setting sun today. The clouds—lamenting and sorrowful—began to dominate the sky.
He asked Ryou to go home, worried the weather would worsen. Something in his gut told him this city would face the hardest rain of the season.
The bus brakes hissed as it came to a stop at the bus stop. It was getting windy now, too, flapping against the windows in mellow gusts.
He helped her step onto the bus, its engine idly rumbling. "I'll see you again," Ryou said, facing him.
As she boarded the bus, he let his body slump slightly.
"Tomoya-kun!"
"Ryou?"
"See you...tomorrow," she said shyly, smiling innocently with upturned eyes, as the bus engine roared to life.
･ﾟ✧ :･ﾟ✩༺✧༻･ﾟ✩༺ ･ﾟ✧༻✩ :･ﾟ✧༺*ﾟ✩✧:･ﾟ
He should have gone right after sending Ryou off. What was he thinking? His stupidity surpassed his comprehension.
It began to rain heavily and violently. The wind, with her furious gusts, fought him and anything that stood in her way.
Nobody—nobody alive—dared to remain outside. The streets were completely abandoned; not a single soul was seen out there.
Even the street lamps that were lit seemed heavily oppressed by the downpour, appearing like twinkling balls of flame—like teary eyes.
It was freezing, and Toyoma wondered if it was going to hail, too.
Toyoma didn’t break into a run; instead, he walked at his normal pace, hands in his pockets, finding solace in the chaotic weather around him.
Or he did until he reached the intersection; he idly remembered a metaphor about intersections used for life.
Something bumped into his leg, brushing against it.
"Botan?!" he almost shouted; his voice was still drowned in the rain. He kneeled on the wet ground, the biting water soaking his bottoms further, near the familiar boar of his purple-haired friend. "What are you doing here? It's Sunday; nobody’s here."
"Puhi~, puhi puhi!"
The little creature looked distressed, both in posture and voice.
Toyoma knitted his eyebrows, deciding to drop off the baby boar at Kyou's place. He didn’t get what was going on.
But as if to answer his question, an ambulance blasted past him through the intersection, spraying water all over, the sirens screaming desperately.
Botan broke into a frantic run towards the trail ahead, off-road.
Deep, white-hot panic surged through him, burning his veins and immobilising his muscles; his face paled to an unnatural colour. His heart frantically attempted to tear its way out of his chest and run after Botan.
His vision was suddenly blinded by a pulse of white flash. The sky roared heavily, awfully, as if shattering the atmosphere, shaking the earth to its core. His ears clipped at the loudness; his skin tickled. At the parting of it, everything—the rain, the wind, his pulse—sounded louder, more defined, and more mocking; a monstrous orchestra engulfed him.
In disbelief, he stood rooted.
He didn’t want to believe it was happening—what was happening?
He couldn’t.
He shattered into a frenzied run after Botan, breathing labouriously with wild eyes, desperately praying.
His heart beat like a frantic two-stroke engine, his steps following its irregular rhythm, slipping and splashing.
Tomoya ended up in an opening at the end of the trail; it must be a picnic spot a little deeper in the forest. His mind was too barraged to care.
The trees stood there bleakly as if life was draining from them; their green bled to grey, and their brown was almost charred.
The ground—the grass—was flooded with puddles of water echoing the dark sky.
Besides the lack of effulgence, it was as if the ground was glowing.
To his right was a shade, a flimsy wooden structure swaying like an old man in a storm. Nature had conquered its space, intermingling, blooming her purple-violet flowers—the only thing that felt alive here, vivid and vaguely colourful.
It reminded him of Kyou, her amethyst pools.
He shakily stepped forward, searching for Botan and praying with all his might not to—he inhaled sharply.
Everything fell silent, fading into the background; yet his senses felt heightened.
The orchestra drawled out of a sunken and stretched roar.
Botan was standing beside a girl. She was soaked, as if she had been dragged through the deepest depths of the darkest ocean. Her overcoat and hair—their hues fading into the grey around them—hung lifeless.
She stood, her body seeming to respond to normal breathing.
The girl had long, vaguely purple hair.
Tomoya's leg almost gave out beneath him, as if the ground were disappearing; it was the adrenaline rush that kept him upright, battling with relief.
He wanted to hug her.
Why was she here?
Why did she look so sunken, standing all alone?
In such horrific weather?
The initial relief he felt had turned into boiling acid.
He wanted to hug her close to him until he knew—his body knew—she was alive and well.
But he walked closer and only said, "Kyou."
The look in her eyes made his own sting.
"What's wrong?"
"N-Nothing's wrong," her voice was thin and cracked. She placed her hands on her hips. "What about you? Weren't you on a date with Ryou?"
He did not reply; his eyes searched hers.
"You are soaking wet," he said simply a moment later.
Her hands fell limply to her sides.
He tried to approach her, splashing through the puddles. His socks were wet, and his feet were growing numb, but he didn't care.
"Don't come!" she snapped.
Toyoma flinched, choking, and stumbled back a bit, sadness creeping onto his face.
"Don't come," she repeated softly. "Please." Her voice was laced with desperation.
Realising this, she stepped back, stuttering as she tried to brighten her tone. "Y-you should only think about Ryou." She paused, breaking eye contact and fumbling with her hands. "After all, you're Ryou's b-boyfriend."
She was so different now. Where did her confidence go?
"That's got nothing to do with it right now," he said softly, stepping forward and extending his hand toward her. "You will catch a cold—" but she cut him off brutally.
"I said don't come!" She flailed her arms, making a violent gesture. "You have to leave me alone!" Her voice broke like a shattering glass flower as she screamed with everything she had.
It wasn't loud enough to be an actual scream; it was too weak.
And the storm didn't care; it crushed her voice and everything.
She clutched her chest, her posture hunched. Her eyes were clenched shut with such agony that it made Toyoma's eyes dampen.
Her outburst momentarily petrified him; his face held a stunned expression that mirrored the girl's shattered look.
"Don't bother with me anymore..."
"Kyou!" He took the final step, risking an embrace. But she furiously lashed out, striking his chest and forcing him away.
"Stop it!" Her words ripped at his soul.
She started to walk away, but he seized her wrist firmly. Kyou struggled against him, tugging her hand back. "S-Stop it..." she protested with a lifeless voice.
Fumbling and splashing footsteps were heard—drenched clothes ruffled, and their breaths came in short pants as they struggled. The frenzied gusts of wind carried rain like shattered gems, dancing around Kyou's and Toyoma's fight.
It was as if Kyou fought to her limits, her hands colliding with him—shoving, hitting, pushing—anything to escape Tomoya. The blows weren't painful, but they cut through his heart sharper than obsidian shards. The need to console her was more critical to Toyoma than his welling tears. Seeing her in such anguish was killing him inside, slowly ripping him apart.
On the brink of breaking, he surged forward. The sky still roared, and the rain pounded relentlessly as he wrapped his arms around her nimble frame, pulling her close—her back against his chest—as if protecting her from everything.
For an instant, neither of them moved.
He vaguely felt the wind come to rest and the rain redouble, but in a steadier, less distraught rhythm. All his senses focused solely on her, her ragged breath and how fragile she felt in his arms...
"Kyou, I am not leaving you," he whispered into her soaking hair.
She tensed again—for a short, painful moment—but then Tomoya felt her fight vacate, her body falling flaccid in his arms. She was wracked with a broken sob.
"....I am an idiot. Stop being so kind to me. I'm an idiot..." she repeated again, "So if you act kind to me, I'll get the wrong idea." Her voice broke like flower petals falling.
Her body shook in his arms; he tightened them around her. Was he crying too? He didn't know.
"I was afraid to ask you out," Kyou finally broke the silence, her tone calmer. "If I had been rejected, we might not even have stayed friends... And even if I'd gone out with you, Ryou would have been sad." Hot tears soaked his arm. "Then it was best that I gave up! I thought it would be best for everyone! Yet... " Her voice momentarily faded away, giving out. "Now I feel nothing but regret. I-I'm such an idiot."
She seemed to have run out of tears; the scar she had given herself had bled dry.
Tomoya whispered her name softly but was gently yet firmly cut off.
"Tomoya, I am Fujibayashi Kyou. I'm not Ryou."
Toyoma flinched violently as a new wave of guilt washed over him as if thunder had struck.
Kyou pushed his arms away, and his arms didn't resist; she stepped back, her footfalls weakly splashing against the ground.
"I was too late." She made final eye contact; amethyst met diamond blue. "Bye-bye," she whispered a last attempt to sound like her old self.
She walked away, her hair twirling and swaying with the light parting wind.
Toyoma stood rooted in place. No one knew for how long. The rain, cool and biting like lead pellets, pierced his skin and numbed his senses.
He stared blankly at the spot where Kyou had stood, his emotions a turmoil of unexplainable feelings.
An ugly blue hand clawed at his heart from the darkest parts of him.
The parting look in her eyes made him want to kill himself.
･ﾟ✧ :･ﾟ✩༺✧༻･ﾟ✩༺ ･ﾟ✧༻✩ :･ﾟ✧༺*ﾟ✩✧:･
He grips the railing, the dampness causing his fingers to slip slightly—a mirror of how everything else in his life seemed to slide out of his grasp.
“Well, I guess it’s a complicated matter. All of this with the twins.”
The school was not spared from yesterday's brutality. The gardens were flooded, and the trees were ruffled badly. A broken umbrella, which must have been carried off by the wind, was now at its deathbed near the entrance of the school, collecting water.
“What would you do?”
“If I were in your shoes?”
Even the stairways and corridors had puddles of water from the rain that had leaked through the windows.
“Make them both mine. No question asked.”
“Can I punch you until you stop moving?”
Tomoya leaned against the roof rail, resting his chin on it, using it as a pillow. Youhei stood beside him, enjoying the chilly weather.
“I’m sorry. I was joking.” Youhei let out a sigh. “Honestly, it’s a big hassle.”
“If this is what I have to face…”
“You’re right," his friend mused. "If you want to keep your distance from both of them now, then that’s the loser’s way out.”
Tomoya flinched. Lifting his head, he looked at his friend, who he thought had the emotional range of a teaspoon.
“You’re trying to stay unscarred, aren’t you?” he offered sadly and understandingly. “If you’ve come this far, you’ll have to hurt someone.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, running his hand through his hair.
“By the way, can I say one more thing?”
“Hm?” He faced him again.
Youhei’s body slumped; he looked devastated. “People kill to have your problem!” he burst out, roaring in his face. They shot him a knowing look before throwing a brotherly punch at his shoulder.
“All right, time for lunch,” Youhei said as he walked away. Tomoya’s head followed him owlishly until he disappeared. He chuckled weakly at his friend’s antics.
He blearily looked up at the sky—the clouds were dancing back and forth as if contemplating whether or not to torture the Earth with more rain—bracing himself.
Bracing himself for what his next choice might unravel.
He grips the railing, the dampness causing his fingers to slip slightly—a mirror of how everything else in his life seemed to slide out of his grasp.
“Well, I guess it’s a complicated matter. All of this with the twins.”
The school was not spared from yesterday's brutality. The gardens were flooded, and the trees were badly ruffled. A broken umbrella, which must have been carried off by the wind, was now at its deathbed near the school's entrance, collecting water.
“What would you do?”
“If I were in your shoes?”
Even the stairways and corridors had puddles of water from the rain that had leaked through the windows.
“Make them both mine. No question asked.”
“Can I punch you until you stop moving?”
Tomoya leaned against the roof rail, resting his chin on it, using it as a pillow. Youhei stood beside him, enjoying the chilly weather.
“I’m sorry. I was joking.” Youhei let out a sigh. “Honestly, it’s a big hassle.”
“If this is what I have to face…”
“You’re right," his friend mused. "If you want to keep your distance from both of them now, then that’s the loser’s way out.”
Tomoya flinched. Lifting his head, he looked at his friend, who he thought had the emotional range of a teaspoon.
“You’re trying to stay unscarred, aren’t you?” he offered sadly and understandingly. “If you’ve come this far, you’ll have to hurt someone.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, running his hand through his hair.
“By the way, can I say one more thing?”
“Hm?” He faced him again.
Youhei’s body slumped; he looked devastated. “People kill to have your problem!” he burst out, roaring in his face. Hey shot him a knowing look before throwing a brotherly punch at his shoulder.
"Ow"
“All right, time for lunch,” Youhei said as he walked away. Tomoya’s head followed him owlishly until he disappeared. He chuckled weakly at his friend’s antics.
He blearily looked up at the sky—the clouds were dancing back and forth as if contemplating whether or not to torture the Earth with more rain—bracing himself.
･ﾟ✧ :･ﾟ✩༺✧༻･ﾟ✩༺ ･ﾟ✧༻✩ :･ﾟ✧༺*ﾟ✩✧:･
He watches Ryou staring at the sky through the window, gracefully shining like a blue tulip.
She must have heard him enter the class.
She turned and gave him a delicate smile. “Toyama-kun. What did you need to talk about?”
He did not respond.
Unsure, Ryou gripped her arm before abruptly turning away, her breath hitching.
“In manga, when it comes to being alone in a classroom after school, we usually see a kiss scene, don’t we?”
“Fujibayashi.”
“...Why are you calling me by my last name?” Traces of sullenness leaked onto her face.
He gasped, noticing his slip-up. His shoulders slowly and sadly slumped. His raven black hair had dimmed completely.
The classroom momentarily fell into tense silence.
“...I always wanted to beat Onee-chan. I didn’t want to lose to her.”
He looked at her in shock.
“I knew who Onee-chan always had her eye on. I asked for advice, knowing her feelings.” She closed her eyes. “I told her I wanted to get close to you…” She paused as if getting lost in the moment of her sister's kindness. “She was surprised but smiled right after. She said, 'Leave it to me. I knew she’d say that.'” She breathed in heavily. “I knew I was being dirty, too. Even then… Even then, I wanted to be near you.”
Her breathing started to hitch, her voice falling apart. “Can’t I replace Onee-chan?” she asked, turning on her heels, her ocean-blue eyes holding watery pearls at their corners. “I’ll become more outgoing like Onee-chan. I’ll grow my hair out and become more outgoing, too.” Her voice grew increasingly hopeless and desperate.
Somewhere in another class, mirroring this but darker and bluer, a girl stared blankly at her hands, tears scorching her face.
“I’ll become the girl you wish for.”
“No,” he sounded like a corpse taken out of its grave.
Ryou inhaled sharply, taking a step back.
The girl in the mirrored class desperately cradled her head in her hands, shaking it, somehow trying to make her emotions bleed out. They wouldn’t, and it only persisted to destroy her. She tugged her hair gently, leaning against the window, her forehead touching the icy glass.
“I don’t want you to do something like that,” Toyama stated firmly to Ryou, forcing more life into his words.
She lifted her head, eyes flooded with tears, moments before breaking their resolve; there was something uniquely ethereal about her.
“I want to be close to you, Toyama-kun,” she whispered.
Piercing cold hands ripped up from the ground, clenching around his throat. Her eyes were fragile—too fragile; he couldn’t bear to look at her. “I…” His voice was so dark and heavy, it felt foreign to his ears.
Kyou took long, feather-light strides toward him, placing her hands on his chest and at the corner of his mouth, he felt something warm and a dreamy ghost lingered over there.
A delicate touch of a goodbye—her hope, her yearning, everything he couldn’t give.
He didn’t get the moment to process it, and then she faded away.
He kicked the chair with all his might.
･ﾟ✧ :･ﾟ✩༺✧༻･ﾟ✩༺ ･ﾟ✧༻✩ :･ﾟ✧༺*ﾟ✩✧:･
The day continues, and the clock still clicks. The world is frustratingly indifferent. The lecture is an emotionless buzz of words floating here and there, suffocating Tomoya.
“Okay, next problem. Fujibayashi!” The teacher looked startled for a moment, seeing one of the class's regular students missing.
His heart jerked at the word.
“Ah, I guess she’s not here. Then Suzuki.”
The class fades into a dull hiss, dampened by his agony. Toyama clenches his teeth, his right hand gripping his locks painfully.
The day passes as if everything is okay. It dosen’t care.
It starts raining again, but it lacks the fervour of yesterday.
Toyama lifelessly gazes off into the void.
“You’re not going home.?”, It sounded more like a statement.
“---”
Youhei walks away, leaving the class barren of any life. He appreciates his understanding, Tomoya wants to be alone right now.
The rain sang her song and her mist danced with the breeze-- half an hour passed away,
He sees a reflection of the purple-haired girl in the mirror.
The wall clock ticks like the drumming of a judge's hammer.
tick
tock
tick
tock
“The days I spent with you were a lot of fun,” his mouth speaks on its own. He knows if he tries to make sense of his thoughts, it will end in another disaster. He shifts in his seat, sitting up straighter. “I realised for the first time that it makes me so happy to be needed by others.”
Toyama pauses, his finger grazing the cold glass fogging up from its warmth. “I thought I’d get along well with you like this,” he finishes self-deprecatingly.
“But I can’t,” he declares, standing up, still not facing her. Because if he does, he might finally break down to unrecoverable depths.
The girl doesn’t respond. He can’t read her expression from her reflection; her face is bowed, hidden by hair falling on her face.
“I was a jerk... While I was with you, I was looking at someone else. I kept it to myself even after realising that.” Toyama growls at himself. He has to resist the urge to slam his fist somewhere. Now that he said it, he feels even worse. “I was taking advantage of your kindness…”
Breathing is harder; his throat constricts terribly. “I—” he inhales sharply, “The person I love is…” He visibly struggles. Ryou… He doesn't want to break her, not someone else, not again. But there is no other way out; the viciousness of life.
“The person I love is your sister,” he flattens his palm against the glass, a final attempt to reach the girl in the reflection. “I am sorry.”
He hears it differently.
“Toyama.”
He faces her finally, and then he’s crushed in a hug.
Lack of sleep and an overdose of being overwhelmed must have his brain playing tricks on him.
Although one might try, one cannot mistake the ever-continuing hair, cannot mistake the exquisite eyes.
“Wha—Kyou?! What happened—your face?!” There are deep, dark bags under her eyes; her eyes are blotched, and her face looks pale.
She grips his coat tightly, clutching the fabric in her fist. Tears streamed down her face. Kyou hiccups, her voice oh so frail.
She buries her face in his chest.
“She yelled at me.”
Toyama makes a questioning sound.
“Ryou told me not to run away,” she gasps. Hot, wet patches start to burn his skin. “I didn’t mind if it stayed this way. I didn’t want to choose you if it meant hurting Ryou. But she said, ‘It’s impossible. It’s too late. If you really love him, you can’t run away anymore. We ended up loving the same person.’” She echoes her sister's words, a product of a broken heart.
Kyou still remembers being miserably hugged by Ryou and how she whispered these words to her.
“I bet she is crying right now,” Kyou sobs. He painfully clenches his eyes shut. He fails to help Ryou, and the only thing he can do for Kyou is to hold her.
Moments later, she pulls away, sniffling softly. “Really, we’re so late. Realising, acting as though not realising, and facing each other.” She pauses; tears flow silently down her face now.
Every drop is a hollow-point bullet to his heart. “But I’ll make this the last time we get hurt.” She raises her head, her voice backed with mellow strength and flaming determination.
He thanks God with everything; the fire burning in her eyes has returned, even if only a little in her tear-twinkling orbs. “Her, me, and you.”
He nods sincerely, and it is enough for Kyou.
They fall silent again, and the rain takes the silence. It is still raining, but it feels warmer—warmer from the inside of them.
“I love you, Tomoya. I want to be with you and share my world with you in your presence. I want to be your companion now, and in the life to come.”
Words? Metaphors? They all are useless to describe the celestial look in her eyes, the sincerity etched in every curve of her face, and the love layered in her voice.
Kyou places a hand on her chest, and amethyst meets grey-blue. “I love you more than anything in the world, and I haven't suffered more since I knew it than all my time on this earth. And it’s a torment I wouldn’t bear to live without.”