Chapter Text
"Hyung..?", came a quiet voice that was hard to hear over the night wind.
Vernon quickly shoved his phone into his back pocket. He turned his head towards the front door where a clearly cold Chan was standing. He looked tired but determined.
“Ah... Dino-ah. Why are you here?” Vernon asked.
"I could ask you the same thing," Chan mumbled and let the front door of the building close behind him. He rubbed his arms a little, trembling, and crept up next to Vernon, who was leaning against the cars charging station.
It was a full moon. The stars were not often seen here around Seoul, so this was a rarity.
“Does Jeonghan-hyung know you're here?” Vernon asked, raising an eyebrow.
Chan glared at him" and does he know you're here?"
“Touché.”
They were silent for a while, next to each other, staring together at the moon shining in the sky. Chan was desperate to go back inside because of the cold weather, but also refused to leave Vernon alone.
"I heard you had a fight with hyungs..?", Chan tried to sound much braver than he really was.
Vernon thought for a moment and nodded "word travels fast."
“I heard from Joshua-hyung.”
"He really can't keep secrets," Vernon didn't sound disappointed. More like he was used to it.
Chan tried to tell from his face if Vernon was sad or angry, but it was impossible. The boy's face was like stone.
"They're really worried, you know?"
Vernon sighed and nodded "I know."
“Is this because there are two of us now? I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable. That was never my intention,” Chan bowed slightly.
Vernon grabbed him by the shoulder” aish! This is not your fault. It has never bothered me that there are two of us omegas. It's actually quite nice... There's a someone to share things with."
Chan scratched his head in confusion “um... Then what is this about?”
Vernon pulled Chan a little closer to him. It was actually quite nice in such cold weather, so Chan didn't complain.
"This isn't because of you... This has never been because of you... I'm not even entirely sure why this is happening. Disappointment, maybe?”, Vernon looked ahead coldly” disappointment that I was never an omega to the pack that the others cared about. Disappointed to hyungs who barely noticed the existence of my sub-gender. Disappointed about the fact that I can't even be angry with them even if I have every reason in the world to be. Disappointment for how much I really love them..."
Chan glanced at him. Vernon had probably never spoken so openly to him, at least not without any greater reason.
"I may have imagined too much when I presented as an omega. I didn't want to give others unnecessary trouble, so I took care of myself. I've always done that. No matter how much it hurts, I've always taken care of myself. I'm strong and stubborn... But... I could never shake that feeling of sadness when I realized that others didn't really notice me or my problems. Maybe it's my own fault for being so... Me,” Vernon's last word seemed to hurt. His gaze was no longer cold, but more searching.
Chan didn't dare move. If he moved now, he might ruin the moment and Vernon would run away again. As always.
"That's how I am... Quiet and shy. I'm always in my own world, deep in my thoughts. I don't like to talk about things and I don't care about skinship. I'm not like others. And I'm definitely not like a normal omega. But... That's who I am anyway. An omega. I get heats just like everyone else. I Nest just like the others and I,” Vernon stopped himself. He took a breath before he continued "I want attention just like everyone else."
Chan felt something break inside him. He had never seen his youngest hyung so vulnerable. He had never realized how much Vernon had been hiding about his life. It hurt. It hurt to know that the other had suffered for so long without saying anything. Chan felt guilt begin to take hold of his body. He wanted to throw up.
"I... I have made mistakes in my life. Mistakes that are hard to admit and even harder to face. The other pack members keep an image of what I am like in their eyes. I don't want to break it by being weak. I may be an omega, but I don't want to be weak. I don't want to be helpless,” Vernon admitted.
"Helpless is not the same as asking for help..." Chan whispered.
Vernon hummed positively” I know... But asking for help is easier for some than for others. It was completely absurd of me to even think that others would notice that something was wrong...”
"But despite all that, you still helped me?", Chan questioned.
Vernon gently turned his gaze towards him.
Chan leaned closer to the older omega and rested his head on his shoulder” you have suffered in silence for so long. It's unfair, but you still helped me. Without you, I would never have gotten over the shock of being an omega or even from my first heat. You are incredibly kind, did you know that hyung?”
There was something about Chan's words that stirred something inside Vernon. His expression did not change, but something flashed in his eyes.
“I don't think there is any alpha in this world braver than you,” Chan added.
It got quiet. Vernon didn't know what to say and Chan was too tired to continue. They just leaned on each other in the cold wind.
"Dino-yah!", came a bright voice from the front door.
It made both omegas flinch. Vernon pulled himself away from Chan in a flash as if nothing had happened.
"There you are silly," Dokyeom smiled as he walked towards them. However, he looked surprised to see Vernon “oh? Bono? What are you doing here?”
Vernon said nothing. He pushed himself past Dokyeom and disappeared through the door, leaving the other two outside.
"Wow... What's going on with him?", Dokyeom asked confused.
Chan sighed. This was going to be a long night.
-------------------
“Hyung,” Chan said after entering the dark room.
Jeonghan, who was sitting in Seungcheol's office chair by the desk, was otherwise sitting in the dark, except that he had a yellowish reading lamp that lit up the room appropriately.
“Yes my darling?”, Jeonghan's voice was soft, inviting. He was flipping through a fashion magazine that he had probably picked up with him from Milan.
Chan took a few shy steps further into the room “Can I talk to you?”
"Of course. You are always welcome here”, Jeonghan finally looked over his shoulder. “Come here. Let me look at you.”
Chan obeyed as always. He stepped in front of Jeonghan and let the elder look him over from head to toe.
“What's your matter?” Jeonghan asked.
“It's about Vernon hyung. I- I went to talk to him,” Chan explained.
“Isn't that a good thing? I think it's great that you two still get along,” Jeonghan hummed.
"Yes, but... I was bothered by how worried Joshua-hyung was about him. I decided to take matters into my own hands and went to talk to him. He was outside. I really didn't even assume that I would get anything out of him, but I was wrong."
That clearly caught Jeonghan's interest.
"We talked a little about what it's like to be an omega. I don't think he's disappointed with his own sub-gender, at least not as much as I was initially. He seems okay with that. However, he is not okay with others treating him like air. He's an omega, just like me. We may be different in nature, but we share the same sub-gender,” Chan explained.
“I know it darling, I know. We have a problem that we have unconsciously ignored for far too long until the problem has become too huge to ignore,” Jeonghan replied. He seemed a little nervous.
“Hyung... I know I'm the maknae and I'm an omega, but I'm still saying this even if it might get me into trouble. Our alphas haven't behaved like real alphas around Vernon-hyung," Chan gritted his teeth.
His sentence clearly confused Jeonghan. He didn't expect the younger one to speak like that, especially against their alphas.
"We have the world's kindest and most loving alphas ever in our pack, but they are also inconspicuous idiots," Chan now pushed everything out of his chest.
Jeonghan nervously started to blink around to make sure the others wouldn't hear them.
"Vernon-hyung has suffered alone for so long that he doesn't even bother being the omega of the pack anymore. He has completely shut himself out, thinking that others don't care about him. And yet he cares for us so much. He cares about me! Without him, I would never have accepted my new omega life," Chan felt something tingle in his body. It felt surprisingly good.
"I know he's never asked for help and that's why it can be hard to see when he's suffering, but the rest of us haven't even tried to notice. We have always taken him for granted. He's holding so much pain and guilt inside that he clearly wants to talk about, but he doesn't know where to start," Chan added.
Jeonghan looked at him quietly and deeply. Then he pursed his lips in thought. "Where is he now?"
Chan shrugged.
“Okay... Okay. We're putting an end to this now. Officially,” Jeonghan stated standing up. He grabbed the younger man by the wrist and dragged him out of the room.
-------------------
Jeonghan literally dragged each member by the ear into the living room. He didn't answer their questions and he didn't give them an alternative. He forced everyone into the same space. Until it was Vernon's turn, of course. He didn't go get him. Instead, he stood in the middle of the room, like a statue.
“Vernon!”, Jeonghan yelled scaring the others.
“Hyung, please, what's going on here?”, Mingyu tried, but Jeonghan shushed him.
Chan sat uncomfortably on the floor away from the others. He knew this was going to be a tough conversation and it was probably entirely his fault.
“Hansol Vernon come here right now!” Jeonghan didn't usually shout, so this behavior was surprising.
Soon a sleepy and confused Vernon walked into the room, his hair a mess. He must have fallen asleep for a while" huh? What?"
Jeonghan looked at him with burning eyes, "sit."
"What?"
“I said sit!”, Jeonghan's voice was so serious that it seemed to surprise even Vernon who suddenly obeyed. He sat down on the floor and looked around the room and the other confused members.
They seem to live in ignorance these days. Was it his fault?
Vernon didn't have time to think about it any more when Jeonghan cleared his throat" I have gathered each of you in this room so that we can finally put the cat on the table and move forward in our lives. Every one of us has probably noticed that things haven't been going as normal in our pack for a while now. And if you haven't noticed that, you're an idiot." Jeonghan's voice was cold and stern.
It silenced the whole room.
Jeonghan looked at them in turn” can we even call this a pack anymore? In what pack is there so much mistrust and secrecy?” Jeonghan's eyes shifted to Vernon, whose glazed gaze landed on the ground. "In what pack is there an omega who goes elsewhere to satisfy his needs? What pack has alphas who don't even know their omega is going elsewhere? What kind of pack is that?”
"We have failed. Totally failed. We are blind to what is right in front of us. We are blind to the one who needed us the most. An omega who is so quiet that he can disappear from the pack without anyone noticing. What kind of pain is he bearing hm?”, Jeonghan's gaze was burning.
Even though Vernon was a strong and indifferent person, his palms began to sweat under the older's gaze.
"What have we managed to do so wrong that he no longer trusts us? Or did he ever trust us at all? Is it cheating when an omega goes behind his alpha's back to spend his time with someone else?"
Silence.
“It makes me think. Wondering where I went wrong. I have watched how that boy has grown from a pup to a smart omega and yet he has managed to slip through my fingers. Has he made mistakes in his life that the rest of us are not even aware of. There are thirteen of us here. Twelve of us and not one has been worthy of his trust,” Jeonghan's words were like blades.
“Hyung...” Wonwoo started. He raised his glasses a little" we know we have done wrong. This is our fault. We should have noticed something was wrong a long time ago, but...”
"Since Vernon has always been like that, it didn't even come to mind, did it?", Jeonghan continued for him. "Quiet. Lonely and shy. And so damn mysterious. That's our Vernon. So who does he trust?", Jeonghan turned to look at Vernon sitting still on the ground. He didn't even budge.
Vernon quietly but thoughtfully lifted his face up towards the oldest beta of the pack. His expression was like a stone "who does the omega trust?"
"Yes. You have presented and you have already had who knows how many heats. And none of us have been there with you and that's our fault of course. We have made our bed and now we have to lie on it," Jeonghan's behavior was very different from last time. He was not apologetic. He was not warm or kind. He was strong and precise. He stood before the younger, like a mother before her son.
“You are part of this pack. I don't know when you forgot that, but that's how it is,” he added.
Vernon was quiet. He looked Jeonghan straight in the eyes, waiting for the elder to move, but now they were both in the same frozen state. As if they were competing to see who could be bolder.
“I understand if you don't want to answer. I don't expect anything else from you, but things have gone too far. We'll either find a solution together, or I'll start taking you to therapy, but there's only one answer for this, and that's for you to get better," Jeonghan stated.
No one else dared to say anything. Not even Seungcheol, who was sitting further away on one of the armchairs. He didn't see this side of his partner very often.
“So how will it be Vernon? How can we help you?”, it didn't sound like a question, but a demand.
Vernon's eyes never wavered from the beta. The silence seemed to last forever before he finally opened his mouth" it's a miracle we've ended up in this situation." He looked down "a situation where I've been cornered, like an animal."
“Because you give me no other choice,” Jeonghan cut him off. He still looked at the boy burningly" we have made mistakes that we can admit. We too are just people after all. So don't wait any longer. Tell us how we can help."
"I don't know," Vernon answered surprisingly quickly. He looked up at Jeonghan again "I don't know how I can even help myself anymore."
"You'll go crazy if you don't get help."
“I feel like that's already happened,” Vernon's voice sounded strangled.
Suddenly Jeonghan raised his hand and pointed his finger at Soonyoung who was leaning against the wall” Hoshi is crazy. He thinks he is a tiger. You're not crazy. There's nothing crazy about mistrust if there's a reason for it." He put his hand back down” mistakes can be corrected. You can always ask for an apology, but you can't ask for it from us if you don't agree to accept it."
Everyone froze in the room.
"We admit our mistake and are ready to fix it. But you must meet us halfway. We can't know what to fix if you don't tell us. We can't know what to apologize for, if you don't tell us, you never tell us anything. How do you think we feel..?”
"What?", Vernon raised his head.
“How do you think I feel? I have raised you from pup and I have been proud of you every second. I've always accepted you as you are, omega or not. Korean or American. You are my boy. And you always will be. But at some point you started closing yourself away from me and you never explained why. You stopped talking about things and turned your back on me and decided to leave the pack. And I never understood why. Until one night you decide to tell us that we don't pay attention to you, but how can we if you don't want attention!?”, Jeonghan shouted the rest of his words. He was angry.
“How do you think we can help if we don't know how!?”, Jeonghan tried to catch his breath after shouting but he was so restless “you stupid, stupid boy..!” His voice cracked. All anger disappeared as quickly as it had come. Sadness shone in his voice. "Don't you understand how much we care about you?"
Silence.
At some point, Vernon's gaze had dropped to the ground again. Had water drops started to drip from somewhere? No. They were tears. They dripped against the wooden floor, breaking the silence.
“Hyung...” Vernon's voice broke for the first time. “Hyung I'm hurting...,” His shoulders started to shake. "I'm in so much pain..."
Jeonghan's body relaxed and his gaze softened. He brought a hand to the trembling omega's shoulder.
"I'm not a bad omega... I swear...", Vernon seemed to be speaking confusedly.
"You couldn't be a bad omega even if you tried..." Jeonghan said softly.
“I just... I just always wanted to be a part of this... All of this, but... I don't know how. I'm not like the others...” Vernon whispered.
“Of course you're not... You're Vernon. You are my Vernon,” a small smile appeared on Jeonghan's face.
Vernon shook, bringing his arm in front of his eyes" I can't be as open as others... As loving... But I want to be with you. I've always wanted to...”
The others watched in shock as the omega shook like a leaf under Jeonghaning's touch.
"I was just so angry... I never- I never meant anything bad. I never wanted to leave this pack, I just don't know how to talk about things. I promise I never cheated on anyone!”
"Shh...", Jeonghan shushed him "I know that my love... I know."
Vernon lowered his damp sleeve as he lifted his face up. For the first time, a real expression showed on his face. A true feeling. His eyes glistened and tears had wet his blushing cheeks. His bottom lip twitched.
“Hyung... I want help”
It came straight from his heart. It definitely made the tense atmosphere lighten up a bit.
"Hyung... I'm so sorry..!", that sent him over the edge. Vernon burst into tears, like a small child, which was something others had never seen before. Vernon had only cried once when he was a pup when he had an argument with Seungkwan.
Jeonghan pulled Vernon into his arms, shielding him with his body” hush... You have nothing to apologize for. Never apologize for your feelings... Talk about them. You can always talk to us about anything..."
Vernon buried his face deep into Jeonghan's shirt. Jeonghan stroked the back of his head.
"My dear darling... You've had such a hard time...", Jeonghan purred in a soft voice.
The others watched in amazement. Jeonghan had to have some super ability to make others break down in front of him. Vernon had definitely been the most difficult. The boy was like, a wall. Others would never have gotten this out of him.
Vernon cried as much as his soul could. His sobs were heartbreaking, but the others didn't dare to move. They knew Vernon wouldn't like it if too many people came near him. He didn't like skinship or touch in general. The best option was to stay away and let Jeonghan handle it.
Seungcheol was so proud of his partner. He might be the alpha, but Jeonghan was such an important part of this pack that nothing would work without him. And nothing would work without Vernon.
Maybe things would improve a little from here. When Vernon finally would feel more comfortable, he could finally share his worries with others.
But right now, he just had to let his feelings out. And Jeonghan would be there for him through it all.