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Once upon a time, there lived a net cafe owner in a city called Hangzhou. He had a daughter who in a fairy tale would have been so fair, shining brighter than the sun, but that's hyperbole and even a fairy tale should stick to the truth occasionally. His daughter, though no beauty beyond compare, had other virtues like her diligence and her big heart. She also had quite a temper, but as Osgood so bluntly put it: nobody's perfect. Father and daughter didn't care, for their lives were good.
The Earth marched on around the sun's golden orb and so did time. The father grew older and ultimately passed on. One would think that this concludes his part in this tale, leaving the net cafe to his daughter as he's laid to rest and it does. Almost. Everyone carries their ghosts and his daughter, Chen Guo, was no exception.
As a filial daughter, Chen Guo managed the net cafe to the best of her capabilities and made it flourish. When time allowed, she would visit her father's grave and tell him what happened in her life and imagined what he would answer or advise or simply how he'd react to the simple things. She missed him dearly.
It was during one of these visits that she sat down next to the old well. The quiet and solitude made it the perfect place to think through the tasks ahead. While thinking, she played around with her key chain that rattled so satisfyingly whenever she added more points to her list. That was when the gods of fortune forsook her. The key chain came loose. Clanging loudly, all her important keys followed gravity's call, down, down, down, until they hit the well water's surface with a splash.
"Fuck," Chen Guo cursed, then immediately apologized to all the ancestors for disturbing their rest. She continued quieter, though no less fierce in her curses.
And as she so swore, she suddenly heard a voice, "Oi, what's your fucking problem?" Chen Guo looked around, but there was nobody, only an ugly frog down in the well that stared up at her with big, unblinking eyes. "Cat got your tongue, bitch?" Until this moment, Chen Guo had not believed the tales of talking frogs in wells and other legends. She quickly became a believer as this one croaked insults at her.
"I lost my keys."
"So what? Now you're gonna beg me to get them back to you after you disturbed my nap?"
She had considered to ask the frog to dive for her keys, yes, but now she was reluctant to do so. If only she could think of a better way to get her keys back. She needed them. All her keys were on this chain! But the only other option was to climb down into the well herself. With such a charming frog dwelling at its bottom, Chen Guo could think of a thousand tortures she'd rather endure. So she swallowed her pride and asked, "Would you, dear frog, please get me back my keys?"
"And what's it worth to you?" croaked the frog haughtily.
"Anything you want." What could a dumb frog at the bottom of a well want? Flies? Maggots? Nothing that would be a problem to Chen Guo as soon as she had back her keys.
"Anything sounds like a cop out. I'll get you back your fucking keys and I'll not even rip you off, aren't I nice? Treat me like your friend, that is all I ask. You know, let me eat at your table, drink from your cup, sleep in your bed, the whole nine yards." The frog, despite all the limitations of its facial muscles, managed what could only be described as a lecherous smile, something far out of place in a fairy tale. It is to the narrator's deep regret that neither character cared much for their genre. "Go on. Can't be hard to make one fucking promise."
While Chen Guo thought a number of truly unflattering thoughts, she smiled through it. "Sure, sure. I promise."
The frog dove down and, behold, just a bit later it carried the key chain into the well's bucket and sat expectantly down in it. With no other option, Chen Guo pulled up the bucket and took back her keys though no sooner than she held them in her hand again, she let go of the bucket. She closed her heart and ears to the loud protests of the frog who fell back into the water. Never would she allow a leering frog like that at her table let alone into her bed.
And for a whole day, Chen Guo did not think any more about the frog until, in the evening she heard it. Splat. Splat. Splat. "Hey, open the door, would you?"
Chen Guo refused to open the door.
"You promised, bitch."
She did and she felt, maybe, the slightest amount of guilt over not honoring her word like that. Her father would disapprove, since what else could people trust if not the promises they made each other? Yet her she was, breaking hers every second she refused to open the door for this awful frog.
Reluctantly, Chen Guo opened the door. The frog with its wetly glistening skin hopped inside and its wide eyes looked around her rooms above the net cafe. "Nice digs, lady. Hey, is that food I smell?"
"I was eating," Chen Guo answered tersely.
"Then help me onto the table," demanded the frog. Chen Guo did so, picking the frog up with two fingers and putting it down at the far end of the table. The frog didn't care a lick and hopped towards her food. "Ooooh, cup noodles. Gimme some. I'm hungry."
Chen Guo hesitated again, but she had promised, too, to let the frog eat at her table, so she pulled out another small bowl and shared part of her evening snack with the cocky frog. It devoured the noodles, burped, then hopped over to her glass of water from which it drank just as greedily.
Suddenly, there was a loud noise, a pang that startled Chen Guo badly. "What was that?"
The frog shrugged as well as any frog could shrug. "Who knows?" Its brown eyes shifted like a liar's. "Great food, lady, and now a cigarette."
"You're not smoking in my rooms," Chen Guo argued.
"Just one?"
"Outside."
"But you're getting me a smoke?"
Thus Chen Guo brushed her teeth and put on her pajamas while this damn frog smoked on the windowsill. What an awful little creature, Chen Guo thought so herself. It acted like it owned this place and not like a friend at all.
"I'm going to bed," Chen Guo announced as she was done.
"Then take me with you." The frog stared up at her, leering, yet also strangely defiant as though daring her to go back on her promise now.
Oh how she wanted to go back on her promise, yet she had already shared her meal and even gone so far as to buy cigarettes for the frog, now she could see this through to the end. It just felt a step too far to let this terrible frog sleep in her bed. Once again she picked up the creature with two fingers and set it down in the farthest corner of her bed where that wet slimy skin should be well out of reach. Thinking it over, she then pulled the corner of her blanket over the small body. Then she laid down herself.
Suddenly, there was another loud pang, startling Chen Guo once more. "What was that?"
"How should I know? Must've been a car tire," replied the frog, lying. "He, how about a good night kiss to get over the scare?"
That was it! Chen Guo had enough. She grabbed the frog before it could hop away and threw it across the room where it impacted the wall with a nauseating sound before falling to the ground. Immediately, she felt bad and ran over to the frog, checking its little body for signs of life. Tears welled up in her eyes as she found none, born of relief and guilt in equal measure.
Suddenly, there was a third loud noise and this time she heard it clearly. It was the pang of a chain being ripped apart by an enormous force. At the same time the frog's small body began to glow and expand until she no longer looked at an ill-tempered amphibian but a grouchy man. "What the hell, woman, this is how you treat your friends?"
The frog, after all, had been the cursed warlock Wei Chen, though how he got cursed is a story for another day, and without relying on fairy tale logic like true love's first kiss, he had to get a little creative in curse breaking. He, of course, complained loudly and at length about her treatment of friends afterwards. Chen Guo, for her part, found his human form no less terrible to look at, so naturally their arguments past the boundaries of this story were legendary.
And they lived arguing happily ever after.
The End