Chapter Text
San's eyes opened slowly, blinking against the early morning light that seeped through the blinds, casting a soft, muted, and comfortable glow across the room.
His mind felt hazy, weighed down by the emotional storm of the previous night, fragments of it replaying in his mind- the hurt, the words that had cut straight through him like glass, the pain that had finally cracked through his defenses and left him feeling cut open and rubbed raw.
As his thoughts cleared, he became aware of the steady warmth pressed close to him, of Yunho's strong arms wrapped protectively around him. San's face was nestled against Yunho's chest, and he could feel each gentle rise and fall, could hear the quiet rhythm of Yunho's breathing- a sound so familiar and welcome, it felt like a lullaby at this point.
For a moment, he stayed completely still, letting himself sink into the sensation and allowing it to settle over him like a fragile shield against memories that lingered just beneath the surface. It felt so nice waking up next to Yunho again. So, so nice.
Part of him wanted to pull away, to regain the walls he'd so carefully built around himself, but another part- a more vulnerable part that he hardly ever wanted to acknowledge- clung to Yunho's warmth. There was a security in his embrace, a feeling that dulled the ache in his chest, and San couldn't bring himself to let go.
Not just yet. Not when the safety of Yunho’s arms felt like the only thing keeping him together at the moment.
He had missed this. He had missed waking up in Yunho's arms, even though it had only been a day without it. It was strange, how quickly he had grown used to it and it left him wondering how he could have ever gone without it before. Waking up without Yunho next to him had left him feeling cold and empty, like he had lost something he didn't even realize he needed until it was gone. And now, lying here, wrapped up in Yunho's embrace, San didn't want to go back to that distance that had felt like a vast, uncrossable valley between them.
He hated how much he needed this, how much he'd grown to need Yunho.
Yet here he was, holding onto him, drinking in the comfort that Yunho had always offered him so willingly, so gently. It was a weakness he didn't want to admit even to himself, one that made him feel so impossibly small and fragile in ways he wasn't used to.
San had spent so long pretending he was strong, hiding his struggles from everyone else, even himself, that this dependency terrified him. He had thought he didn’t need anyone else, that he could carry everything alone like he always had.
But now, wrapped in Yunho's arms again, he couldn't deny how much he wanted- needed- this connection. It felt like a tether, keeping him from floating too far away into the storm clouds overhead.
San's fingers tightened around Yunho's shirt, his heart aching with a mixture of gratitude and absolute fear. Yunho had seen him break down and had witnessed the parts of him that he had never wanted anyone else to see. He'd held him through it, even after the harsh words that had left San feeling so raw and exposed. San knew Yunho hadn't meant to hurt him, that Yunho's frustration hadn't come from a place of malice, but the words still lingered, stinging at the edges of his mind.
No one wants you.
It wasn't what Yunho had said, but it was what San had heard, and he couldn't shake the bitter taste of that thought.
You're not worth it. You never have been.
The voice in his head whispered relentlessly, dredging up every insecurity he had tried to bury. He had believed it once, and he feared that if Yunho saw too much, if he let Yunho get too close, then Yunho might believe it too.
But then he felt Yunho's arms around him tighten, strong and steady, and something deep within him twisted painfully. Yunho hadn't let go. He'd stayed. Even when San had been at his worst, when he felt unlovable and unwanted, lashing out like an animal that’s been poked one too many times.
San took a shaky breath, his chest tightening as he wrestled with his feelings swirling inside him, emotions he'd tried to deny, to keep buried for far too long. He glanced up at Yunho's sleeping face, his features softened and more relaxed than he'd seen in days, but still a slight frown tugging at his brow even in his sleep.
It struck San just how much Yunho really cared, how deeply he seemed to understand him even without words. Yunho had shouldered his burdens and stood by him when he hadn't even asked, offering comfort with a quiet, unwavering strength that San didn't know how to respond to.
It was terrifying, this intense depth of feeling, and in that moment, lying there in Yunho's arms, the truth that he'd tried so hard to ignore settled over him with an unyielding certainty.
I love him.
The realization struck him hard, a bittersweet ache blooming in his chest. He'd felt it for a while now, he realized. This wasn't just friendship, wasn't just gratitude or loyalty. It was something deeper, something that scared him more than he wanted to admit.
He loved Yunho.
He loved the way Yunho understood him without asking, the way he didn't push or demand, simply offered his presence when San needed it most.
No one had ever taken care of him like this before. Not like Yunho did. Yunho didn't want to hurt him. He never had.
And that was what made this all the more confusing and so much harder to process, because despite everything, despite the pain and misunderstanding, San still wanted Yunho close. He still wanted Yunho's arms around him, still wanted to be the one Yunho held like this, the one Yunho cared for.
And that terrified him more than anything.
What was he supposed to do with that? What was he supposed to say?
He couldn't tell Yunho. He couldn't. Because no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much he cared, San knew that it wasn't enough. It wouldn't be enough. He would never be enough.
He had too much baggage, too many problems, too many things that weighed him down. Yunho deserved better. He deserved someone who didn't come with all the stress and worry that San carried with him every day. He deserved someone who wouldn’t cause him to drown with what felt like the weight of the world.
What could he possibly offer Yunho in return?
Yunho was patient, kind, so much more than what San felt he deserved. He was always giving, always there, lifting him up whenever he stumbled, and San…
San could barely hold himself together most days. He had so many insecurities tangled inside, he couldn't shake the fear that eventually, Yunho would see that and realize that San wasn't worth the trouble.
What could San possibly offer in return besides more problems?
Jaehwon's words from the night before echoed in his mind again, piercing the dagger deeper into his heart.
Pathetic.
And now, despite how much he wanted to believe that Yunho was different, that he cared for him, San couldn't shake the uncertainty that draped over him.
San's heart clenched, his thoughts spiraling with a painful intensity as he fought to contain the emotions welling up inside him. He didn't want to lose Yunho, didn't want to be the one who dragged him down. Yet, lying here, feeling the soft, steady beat of Yunho's heart beneath his ear, San couldn't deny the quiet longing that filled him. A yearning so deep, it settled into his bones, weighing him down.
He wanted this. He wanted Yunho's warmth, his support and his love, even though he felt like he didn't deserve any of it.
The thought made him feel even smaller and vulnerable in a way he had never felt before. No one had ever seen him like this, and he didn't know if he could handle the weight of his own heart if Yunho looked at him one day and he decided he wasn't enough.
But Yunho hadn't left.
Even after everything, Yunho had stayed. Had held him through the worst of it and San couldn't shake the faint, desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, Yunho truly cared.
Maybe Yunho didn't see him as broken or burdensome. Maybe he saw something worth holding onto.
He swallowed, his throat tight as he allowed himself to sink further into Yunho's comforting touch, letting himself imagine, if only for a moment, that this could be real. That he could have this.
The thought was terrifying and exhilarating all at once, a heady mix of hope and fear that made his heart race.
It all just felt so right.
It shouldn't, not after everything that had happened in the last few days.
But it did.
It felt like the most natural thing in the world, lying in Yunho's arms, being held like this, protected like this.
San sighed softly, his breath hitching as he tried to quiet the storm inside him, clinging to the steady anchor of Yunho's presence. The warmth radiating from Yunho's body seeped into him, calming the chaos just enough for him to breathe, to let himself feel this fragile, fleeting sense of peace.
But no matter how much San wanted to stay in this moment, he couldn't ignore the nagging fear that gnawed at him. The fear that all of this would come crashing down the moment he let himself feel too much. He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, never fully letting himself relax because of how sure he was that this would all go away one day.
He had already been hurt once, and the pain of that was still too fresh, too sharp.
Yet, despite that fear, despite the lingering hurt, San knew that Yunho was different. Yunho kept proving that over and over and over.
He knew that Yunho was sorry, genuinely sorry, for everything that had happened between them in the last few days; and even though the sting of Yunho's words hadn't fully faded, San knew that Yunho didn't want to hurt him again. He could see it in the way Yunho had held him, could feel it in the way Yunho had stayed by his side all night, never letting go.
He knew he'd have to pull away eventually, to confront the doubts and fears that still gnawed at him, but for now he allowed himself to stay here, to let Yunho's presence wrap around him like a shield against the outside world. Against his own mind actively working against him.
He didn't know what tomorrow would bring, didn't know if he could ever be enough for Yunho, but at this moment, with the early morning light casting a soft glow over them, he allowed himself to believe that everything would be okay.
He closed his eyes again, nestling closer to Yunho as he drifted off to sleep again.
✂︎ ✂︎ ✂︎
The first thing San immediately noticed when he woke up again was the cold space beside him.
He had expected to wake up still wrapped in Yunho’s arms, still surrounded by him- a steady anchor that had grounded him through some of his hardest nights, but he was nowhere to be found.
The emptiness struck him harder than he expected. Panic shot through him as he blinked into the morning light, his mind racing with unwanted thoughts.
What if Yunho had left? What if last night was just a momentary kindness, a show of patience that he didn't intend to sustain?
San's mind spun, circling back to that old, familiar fear. Maybe Yunho finally decided he wasn't worth it after all, just like San had feared all along, and he was stupid to think otherwise.
San's chest tightened, a dull ache settling in his heart as he sat up slowly, eyes scanning the room as if Yunho might have simply shifted somewhere out of sight, but the room was empty and silent. No gentle breathing or warm body beside him, no steady heartbeat to press against. Just him, alone.
San gripped the blanket, pulling it tight around his shoulders as if the softness could somehow fill the space Yunho had left. It was irrational, he knew it was, but his mind was too quick to latch onto the doubts he could never quite shake off.
He wondered how long it would take before everyone else he cared about would eventually get tired of him. God, did this mean he was going to lose his other friends as well? San felt his throat tighten at just the thought of it.
Before the knot of worry could tighten any further and send him spiraling again though, the door creaked open, and the sight immediately eased the swirling intensity of emotions inside him.
Yunho, standing in the doorway with his arms full of coffee and a bag of pastries from their favorite cafe. The soft, familiar aroma filled the room, mingling with the early sunlight that pulled in through the curtains. San's eyes widened as Yunho walked toward him, a hesitant, but gentle smile gracing his lips.
"Morning," Yunho murmured, his voice low and warm, the kind of tone that had always made San feel like everything could be okay.
Yunho set the coffee and bag down on the nightstand with care, glancing at San with a look that was so tender but hesitant, it made San's heart ache all over again.
Relief washed over him in a rush, but it wasn't enough to erase the lingering ache.
Yunho didn't leave, he reminded himself, forcing the panic that had been simmering and ready to explode again to go away as he tried to smile back. He's here, he didn't leave.
So why was he still feeling this way? Why couldn’t he just get a grip on himself?
The fear hadn't entirely left him and even Yunho's simple presence, while reassuring, couldn't undo the knot of emotions that had twisted inside him. San kept his eyes lowered, suddenly feeling too vulnerable and small beneath Yunho's gaze, like all his insecurities had somehow been exposed in the fragile morning light, digging their way to the surface of his skin and leaving an imprint of all the ugly thoughts that had been festering for much too long.
Yunho sat carefully on the edge of the bed, his presence solid but leaving just enough space between them for San to breathe.
"Sorry," he said softly and tried to meet San's gaze but San kept his eyes downcast- too afraid that Yunho would see all the shame, all the fear, all the hurt written all over them. "You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to wake you."
"Thanks." San tried to keep his voice steady, but he could hear the slight tremor in his own tone, the weight of everything left unsaid between them. Of all the things he desperately wanted to say, all pressed heavily on his chest, leaving him feeling like he could suffocate.
He took a deep breath, glancing at the parties, the coffee, and then, finally, to Yunho- feeling both grateful and ashamed. San wondered if that combination of emotions would ever leave him.
Yunho was always so thoughtful, always going out of his way to make sure San was okay, even when San felt like he didn't deserve it.
San's mind drifted back to the disastrous date, to Yunho's words from last night- the sharp, hurtful comment that had cut him deeper than he had let on. Yunho hadn't meant it; after everything that transpired between then and now, he knew that Yunho hadn't meant any of those hurtful words.
Yunho had apologized and had done everything he could to make sure San wasn’t alone in all of it. San believed him, he really did. Yunho was just too good of a person for San to not.
Still, his mind just continued to latch onto it, clinging to the insecurities that had haunted him for so long like a lifeline.
Yunho reached for his coffee, his fingers brushing over the cup as he glanced at San with that same look of quiet concern he'd worn since last night. He didn't say anything, didn't press San to speak, but his gaze was patient as if he knew there was more going on beneath the surface.
It felt like every nasty thought, every ugly feeling he'd always locked away and refused to acknowledge because he simply didn't have the time to deal with them, was suddenly all breaking through and entering his bloodstream, coursing through him and taunting him even more; unleashing all the vicious thoughts like he had unlocked Pandora's box.
San bit his lip, his fingers still clutching the blanket tightly. He wanted to tell Yunho everything- to let him in, to let him see the tangled mess of emotions he was struggling to sort through, but every time he thought about speaking, the words seemed to catch in his throat, refusing to leave.
Finally, Yunho broke the silence, his voice gentle but firm.
"San. You don't have to say anything right now. But... I want you to know that I'm still here, okay? I'm not going anywhere."
The sincerity in Yunho's words sent a fresh wave of emotion crashing over San. Yunho was there, just like he always was.
But for how long?
How long before Yunho realized that San wasn't worth the effort, that he was just a burden, a weight too heavy to carry?
San's heart clenched, the words spilling out before he could stop them.
"I'm not mad at you, Yunho," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I already forgave you. I know you didn't mean what you said."
Yunho's eyes softened, a flicker of relief crossing his face, but he didn't interrupt. He simply nodded, giving San the space and support he needed as he continued.
"This is going to sound so cliche and stupid," San let out a quiet, humorless laugh, "but it's... it's not you, it's me," San continued, his voice trembling as he struggled to find the right words. "I can't let go of it, not because of what you said, but because... I keep thinking that, even though you didn't mean it, maybe you were right and... and maybe I'm not worth it. Maybe I'm just too much work."
Yunho's expression shifted, his hand moving instinctively to San's knee, grounding him with a gentle squeeze.
"San..." Yunho's voice was thick with emotion, his gaze filled with such warm, steady conviction that it made San's heart ache longingly.
San swallowed hard, blinking back the tears that were beginning to blur his vision. God, he'd cried more this semester than he ever had his whole life.
"I want to be enough for you," he whispered, the vulnerability in his own voice startling even himself. "I... I want to believe that I'm enough, but… I don't know how to stop thinking that one day you'll realize I'm not. That you don't have to be here."
Yunho's hand tightened on San's knee, his gaze unwavering as he listened to every word.
"San," he said softly again, his voice carrying a depth of sincerity that San had only heard a handful of times. "You're not too much. You've never been too much, never. Not to me, not to our friends, never." He gave San's knee another gentle squeeze, his voice getting softer. "And you're more than worth it, don't ever believe that you're not. You're worth everything."
The words hit San like a rush of warmth, but they also cut through the walls he had worked so hard to build up, letting every ounce of insecurity, every ounce of fear, rise to the surface.
He wanted to believe Yunho, wanted to let himself feel the comfort and reassurance that Yunho was offering, but his heart was tangled in the lifelong web of self-doubt and hate that he couldn't quite shake.
Yunho's arm moved towards him slowly, as if giving San the chance to pull away if he wanted to, but San was too tired and he also just didn't want to. Yunho's hand slid up from his knee to his shoulder, pulling him closer to him with a tenderness that felt like it was holding San's fragile heart. He felt the steady beat of Yunho's own heart against his cheek, the warmth of his boy anchoring him as he tried to hold himself together. The doubts and fears still lingered, heavy and persistent, but in Yunho's embrace, they didn't seem as overwhelming.
"I know it's not easy," Yunho murmured into his hair softly, his voice as soft and steady as always, a constant reassurance in the whirlwind of San's thoughts. "And I know that no matter how many times I say it, you might not believe me right away. But I'm not going to stop telling you until you do.” He placed a finger under San's chin, lifting his head so that Yunho could look him straight in the eyes. "You're worth it, Choi San. Every part of you."
San's throat tightened, the tears finally spilling over as he turned to bury his face against Yunho's chest, his hands clutching tightly at the fabric of Yunho's hoodie- the one he had missed so much even if it had only been a day. He didn't want to cry, didn't want to let himself fall apart like this again, but he couldn't hold it back any longer. Every emotion inside him, the good and bad ones, all finally came crashing down, and Yunho's arms were the only thing holding him together.
Yunho's arms were the only place he'd ever allow himself to fall apart like this. He knew that Yunho would always be there to catch him.
"I'm sorry," San choked out, his voice barely audible through the tears. "I-I'm sorry for... for being like this. I'm sorry I can't just... let it go."
Yunho shook his head, his arms tightening around San as if he could protect him from himself.
"Don't apologize, Sannie," Yunho whispered, his voice filled with a quiet strength that felt like a squeeze to his heart. "You don't ever have to apologize for feeling this way. It's okay. It's okay to be scared."
San let out a shaky breath, the warmth of Yunho's embrace slowly soothing the ache in his chest. He knew Yunho was right, knew that he didn't have to be strong all the time despite that being everything he had worked for his whole life. Yunho made it feel like it was okay to let himself simply feel without feeling pathetic about it.
Still, the doubts continued to swirl inside him viciously, lingering in the back of his mind, his throat, and his chest like shadows that he couldn't quite escape.
"I just... I don't want to lose this," San murmured, his voice raw and vulnerable as he clung tighter to Yunho. He whispered the next part, half hoping Yunho didn't hear, but needing to get it out. "I... I don't want to lose you."
Yunho's hand moved to cradle the back of San's head, his touch gentle, grounding.
"You're not going to lose me," Yunho said quietly, his voice steady and sure. "I'm here, Sannie, and I'm not going anywhere. Not without you."
San's heart clenched impossibly tighter, feeling like a vice grip was around it as a mixture of relief and fear coursed through him. He wanted to believe Yunho, wanted to trust that everything really would be okay, but the enormous weight of his insecurities still loomed over him like a dark cloud, a constant reminder of everything he was terrified to lose.
But for now, in the quiet morning, with Yunho's arms wrapped around him again, San allowed himself to believe- just a little- that maybe, just maybe, he was enough.
And for now, that was enough.
✂︎ ✂︎ ✂︎
San stayed in Yunho's arms, his face nestled against Yunho's shoulder, feeling the weight of his emotions slowly lifting. Though the edges of his insecurities lingered, they softened into something he could hold without breaking under them.
The silence between them settled into something warm and comforting—a quiet that didn't demand anything from him, that simply allowed him to be.
Yunho's hand moved gently, lifting San's face with such care that it made him feel both vulnerable and protected; like he was made of something delicate, like something Yunho really wanted to keep safe.
San's breath hitched as Yunho brushed a lingering tear from his cheek with his thumb, the touch slow and tender, as though Yunho was trying to erase not just the tear but the hurt that lay beneath it.
"There," Yunho whispered, his voice low and steady, a warmth that sank into San's chest. "No more tears."
San felt a shiver run through him at the sincerity in Yunho's words. He struggled to meet Yunho's gaze, his heart tight with the knowledge that Yunho could see him- all of him, even the parts of himself that he'd so desperately tried to bury. He wanted to look away, to hide the mess he feared was too much, but he couldn't pull his eyes from Yunho's, couldn't possibly bring himself to let go of the warmth of Yunho's hand cradling his cheek when he had missed it so much in their short time apart.
Yunho's thumb traced softly along his jaw, grounding him with a warmth that felt as fragile as it was powerful.
San swallowed, his voice trembling as he whispered, "I don't... I don't know how to handle all of this, Yunho-yah. It's too much. I'm not used to feeling like... this." Exposed, vulnerable, laid bare like his soul was on full display and waiting for Yunho to judge and decide whether he wanted to stay in his life.
If Yunho only viewed him as a good friend or if he felt more for him like San did for Yunho.
Yunho's hands remained steady, cupping San's face in his gentle hold, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones in calming strokes. San couldn't help but lean into it even more.
"You don't have to know the answer to everything right now," Yunho murmured, his voice soft yet sure, like each word was a promise. "Just let yourself be here. One step at a time. I'm not going anywhere."
San's heart clenched at the words. He'd always been afraid of needing someone, of letting himself rely on someone else's strength when he barely trusted his own.
But in Yunho's touch, in his quiet reassurances, San felt a warmth seeping into the coldest, most hidden parts of him. It was terrifying and freeing all at once. He wanted to pull Yunho closer, to let himself believe this could be real- that he could be held like this, cared for like this.
His voice came out fragile, barely more than an exhale of breath. "I'm scared Yunho. What if... what if one day you see all of this, all of me, and realize that I'm not enough? That I'm not a good enough friend for you, that I'm too much trouble to keep holding on to."
Yunho's expression softened, his thumbs brushing away another tear that slipped free despite San's best efforts to hold it back. He shook his head, his gaze unwavering.
"That's not going to happen," he said softly, his voice like a steady heartbeat. "I don't care how many times you need to hear it, I'll keep reminding you. You've always been more than enough for me, Sannie."
San's chest tightened at the tenderness in Yunho's voice, the quiet conviction in his touch. No one had ever looked at him like this, seen him so completely and stayed, knew exactly what to say and do for when San felt like the tumultuous waters he'd always fought against threatened to finally take him under.
It was overwhelming, this feeling of being so seen and still wanted, and San found himself suddenly reaching up to clutch at Yunho's sleeves as though letting go would mean losing the fragile, precious moment.
Yunho smiled gently, leaning in to rest his forehead gently against San's, their breaths mingling in the shared space between them. The world outside seemed to blur and no longer matter, leaving only the quiet hum of Yunho's breathing, the warmth of his hands, the weight of his words anchoring San to something real, just... Yunho.
Yunho, Yunho, Yunho, flooding all his senses and enveloping him in the safety and companionship he had always longed for but denied himself.
San let himself lean into now instead of fighting it, closing his eyes and just drinking up and soaking in Yunho's sunshine he had noticed the first time they met. It had seemed too harsh at the time, too bright.
But now, it felt like home. He felt so safe, not because his problems had magically vanished, but because he wasn't alone in facing them.
In a barely audible voice, he whispered, "I'm trying, Yunho... I don't know if I'll ever feel like I'm enough or like I'll be good at this, at letting someone in all the time, but... I want to try. I really want to try."
Yunho's lips curled into a gentle smile, a warmth that seemed to reach right into San's heart.
"That's all I need from you, Sannie. Just try. We'll figure the rest out together."
Together, San's mind repeated and he blinked dazedly.
San exhaled a shaky breath, his heart finally loosening its grip on his fears. He didn't have all the answers, not yet; the doubts still lingered and clung to him, unwilling to let go anytime soon now that they were out in the open. But here, with Yunho's forehead resting gently against his, with Yunho's hands holding him steady, the doubts felt quieter, smaller. The tenderness Yunho offered, the steadfastness in his eyes that had always been there- it was a lifeline, something steady in the storm.
Without thinking, San's fingers wrapped gently around Yunho's wrists, grounding himself in the warmth and solidity of Yunho's soft touch. He didn't know how to silence every ounce of doubt, but as he leaned into Yunho, letting his own forehead press gently back against Yunho's instead of holding back with bated breath, he felt a warmth blooming in his chest.
It was tentative and fragile, but for now, it was enough.
✂︎ ✂︎ ✂︎
As San and Yunho shared their last few bites of the pastries and coffee Yunho had brought, the usual comforting silence that he could only share with Yunho settling between them.
It was easy to let the world fade away in moments like this, with Yunho beside him, steady and warm. San could almost pretend that nothing else mattered than right now- that he didn't have the insecurities gnawing at him, that he wasn't haunted by the thought of Yunho slipping through his fingers before he ever had the chance to hold on.
Just as they were finishing up, a knock on the door shattered their peaceful moment. San exchanged a puzzled glance with Yunho, curiosity flickering in his eyes. They weren't expecting anyone as far as he knew and something about the sound set him on edge.
Slowly, he rose to answer, giving Yunho a small, reassuring smile, but the second he opened the door, his stomach dropped. Every bit of comfort he'd felt evaporating immediately like mist.
Standing there, with a smug grin that brought back every uncomfortable memory from their date last night, was Jaehwon. His eyes swept over San with a possessive familiarity, lingering in a way that made his skin prickle uncomfortably.
"Hey, Sannie," Jaehwon drawled, his voice too casual for how things had ended, as though he had every right to be standing in San's doorway uninvited. His gaze shifted briefly to Yunho, eyes narrowing slightly before he fixed his attention back on San. "Thought I'd drop by and pick up the jacket you forgot to give me last night. Figured you at least owed me that much after bailing like a tease... and, you know, see if you might want to hang out again so that you can make it up to me."
San's heart pounded and he felt a wave of discomfort coil around his stomach and squeeze threateningly. The insinuation in Jaehwon's voice- the accusation that San was somehow in the wrong- made him shrink back, self-doubt prickling at him again.
He could feel the words catching in his throat, the familiar pressure to apologize, to make things right gnawing at him fiercely even though San had done nothing to warrant any of what happened.
But before he could muster a response, Yunho was at his side, his arm wrapping around him to settle his hand on San's waist, drawing him close with a quiet but unmistakable possessiveness. It made San's heart flutter and he couldn't help but lean into Yunho's side as the warmth of his touch seeped through the fabric of his shirt, grounding him and giving him something solid to cling to amidst the sudden tension.
Yunho's touch was gentle, but when San looked up, Yunho's expression was anything but. His gaze was ice-cold, eyes narrowed, his jaw set in a hard line, and a dangerous gleam that flickered beneath the calm.
"Is there a reason you're here besides the jacket?" Yunho's tone was low, laced with a quiet warning that made the air feel charged.
It was a tone that San had never heard from Yunho- steady, unyielding, but laced with a hint of danger and fierce protectiveness lurking beneath the calm exterior, and... San couldn't deny that it was making him feel a certain type of way...
Jaehwon's smirk faltered for a split second, but he quickly recovered, his gaze flicking back to San as if Yunho hadn't even spoken.
"Come on, Sannie," he feigned an easy smile, though his eyes held a hint of condescension and an underlying threat. "We were having such a good time the other night, right? You owe me a little more than just a 'no thanks'. It'd be rude of you to just leave things like this."
San's stomach twisted, a cold shame creeping up his spine. The weight of Jaehwon's words settled over him, each one feeling like a hook dragging him back down underwater, tightening the sense of obligation he couldn't seem to escape. He could feel himself shrinking under Jaehwon's sharp gaze, trapped in the familiar sense of guilt that Jaehwon had a right to something from him.
But the hand on his waist grew firmer, Yunho's arm tightening around San as if to shield him from the venom dripping from Jaehwon's words. When he spoke again, there was a new edge to his voice.
"He doesn't owe you anything, asshole," Yunho said sharply, his tone so cold that San couldn't help but shiver. Yunho's gaze locked onto Jaehwon's an unspoken warning simmering just beneath the surface. "Besides, it doesn't sound like he's interested in 'hanging out' with you again, so you might want to leave. Now."
Jaehwon's expression soured, irritation flashing across his face as he straightened up, his posture turning defensive.
“What's your problem, man?" he snapped, his voice growing louder, almost accusatory. "I'm just trying to have a good time with him. Why are you acting like a jealous boyfriend?"
San's breath caught, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment and confusion as Jaehwon's words seemed to sink their claws deeper, adding a layer of doubt that made him want to shrink away.
But Yunho didn't even flinch. He held his ground, straightening up as well and pulling San even closer to his side as he fixed Jaehwon with a look that could have cut through steel.
"My problem is that you think you can walk in here and treat San like he's something you're owed," Yunho replied, his voice quiet, but dangerously calm and deadly serious. There was a protectiveness and fierceness in Yunho’s words, something that made San's chest ache with gratitude (and San also couldn’t deny how insanely attractive he was finding this new side of Yunho).
"I don't care what you think you're entitled to, but you're done here. Leave,” Yunho stated coldly before adding, “And if you ever try to pull something like this with him again, I'll make sure you fucking regret it."
The room seemed to go still, Jaehwon blinking in shock at the intensity of Yunho's words. He opened his mouth to protest, his face twisting with irritation and disbelief, but whatever retort he'd planned seemed to die on his lips as Yunho's gaze held steady, unyielding and unafraid.
For a moment, Jaehwon hesitated, his bravado crumbling as he realized he wasn't going to win this.
He let out a scoff, masking his frustration and fear with a sneer as his gaze lowered and muttered, "Just give me my fucking jacket already."
Yunho reached over to where it was hanging by the front door and tossed it at Jaehwon with more force than necessary, his grip on San's waist still gentle and warm.
Jaehwon's scowl deepened but he turned to leave. But not without throwing one last biting comment over his shoulder, as if he couldn’t help not having the last word.
"Good luck putting up with someone like him. You're gonna need it. You'll get tired of him eventually."
The words should have hurt. They should have left San reeling with shame like they usually did, but Yunho's presence beside him, the strength in Yunho's unwavering gaze, was enough to chase away that familiar pain from even appearing.
Yunho didn't even acknowledge the insult; he simply kept his eyes locked on Jaehwon's retreating figure until he was out of sight before turning to face San, his eyes so soft and filled with concern.
"You okay?" Yunho asked softly, his voice gentle now, a stark contrast to the coldness he'd shown not even seconds before. His fingers on San’s waist massaging comforting circles and making San melt into his touch even more.
San nodded, his throat tight as he tried to process everything. A flood of emotions rose within him. Relief, gratitude, but more than anything, he felt safe, truly safe, wrapped in the warmth of Yunho's protectiveness.
"Yeah, just... didn't expect him to show up like that..."
Yunho's gaze softened, though there was still a flicker of that fierce protectiveness lingering in his eyes. His hand stayed at San's waist, steady and grounding, and his other hand lifted to cup San's cheek with a gentleness that made San's heart ache.
"You didn't have to do that," San said softly, his voice trembling and eyes stinging a bit, not from hurt or sadness, but with the weight of his gratitude. "Thank you so much, Yunho."
Yunho's hand on his face squeezed gently, almost tenderly, and his thumb moving to brush away a stray, grateful tear that San hadn't even realized had escaped.
"You don't need to thank me. I wasn't going to let someone like that hurt you again. I'll do it every time if it means you feel safe, San-ah." His voice was barely above a whisper, but the sincerity in it hit San like a tidal wave.
San swallowed, his heart swelling at the touch and the tenderness dripping from Yunho's voice, sweet like honey. He could feel the care, the protectiveness in his words in every touch and it made a flicker of hope begin to burn inside him, whispering that maybe, just maybe, Yunho felt the same way he did. That this wasn’t all just in his head.
Yunho's hands lingered, a gentle warmth radiating from his touch, and San found himself leaning into it like a bee attracted to the sweetness of it all, wanting nothing more than to stay in that moment forever.
"Did... did what he says hurt you?" Yunho asked after a moment, his tone now dripping with a bit of worry.
San blinked, startled by the question. It took him a second to realize what he meant- that Yunho thought he was upset and crying because Jaehwon's words had left an imprint on him.
But San hadn't even given those words a second thought. Not when Yunho was holding him like this, so close, so warmly.
"No," San murmured, shaking his head. "It's not that."
Yunho frowned slightly, concern still etched on his face as he searched San's face. "Then what's wrong?"
San hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest. How could he explain it? How could he put into words what he was feeling? The hope, the fear, the overwhelming realization that maybe Yunho felt the same way? That he felt completely at ease in Yunho's presence and he never wanted to leave it again.
"I just..." San's voice trailed off, his gaze dropping to Yunho's chest as he tried to gather his thoughts. Where could he even possibly begin? "I'm just so grateful I met you."
Yunho blinked, looking surprised for just a second before something akin to adoration flooded across his face and San had to bite his tongue from saying anything else.
Yunho smiled softly and leaned down to press his forehead against San's, a move that had now become so familiar and comfortable between them. It always grounded him, reminding him that Yunho really was here, despite everything being thrown at them, and San let himself melt into it and let himself believe that maybe he was worthy of Yunho's constant kindness.
"I'm grateful you let me be in your life," he whispered and pulled back slightly to press his lips against San's temple, lingering for a couple of seconds before he moved to rest his chin on top of San's head, pulling him into a hug.
San's breath hitched in his throat, overwhelmed by the storm of emotions that Yunho's words stirred within him. He closed his eyes, letting the warmth of Yunho's embrace surround him.
In this quiet, sacred moment, he let himself hope- really, truly hope- that Yunho would continue to stay by his side, no matter what came next.
✂︎ ✂︎ ✂︎
Later that day, Yunho was getting ready for his afternoon class as San lay in his bed, reading a book and relaxing.
San would have been at work but, with Yunho's encouragement, decided to call in and say he wouldn't be able to go in today. He didn't want to miss a day, but even San realized how desperately he needed a break from everything that had occurred since the night before.
As Yunho prepared to leave, he hesitated by the door, glancing back at San with an expression that was a mix of uncertainty and something almost... bashful. San, still curled up in his bed with his book, looked up, a soft smile tugging at his lips, waiting for whatever Yunho was working up to say.
"Uhm... San?" Yunho shifted his weight and cleared his throat before pulling his hoodie, the one San had been practically living in, over his head and offering it to San, cheeks tinged with a hint of red. "Here," he mumbled, holding it out to him. "I thought... well, if you wanted to, uhm, you could wear this while I'm gone? In case you wanted to be comfortable or... I mean, it's chilly in here, and I know you like it, so…"
San's eyes widened in surprise, but his heart did a quiet flip. He'd never heard Yunho sound so hesitant and shy.
It was so cute, the way he was offering it now- careful, a little uncertain, like he wasn't sure if San would still want it- made warmth bloom and spread through San's chest.
A shy smile crept onto his face and without hesitating, took it from Yunho's hands, fingers brushing against his for a moment. He pulled it on immediately, feeling the familiar weight and warmth of Yunho's scent wrap around him like a shield. It felt like he was complete again, like he could finally breathe again.
The hoodie was especially warm and cozy since Yunho had been wearing it all day til then and San wanted nothing more than to bury his face in it and let the comfort around him. He hugged the soft fabric around him and sighed softly.
"Thank you," San murmured, his voice gentle and with a hint of affection leaking through. He glanced up at Yunho beneath his lashes. "It's perfect."
Yunh was smiling softly now, clearly pleased to see San in it. His gaze lingered, a mix of protectiveness and affection in his eyes as if he wanted to say something more. Instead, he just nodded and reached out to ruffle San's hair gently.
"I'll be back in a few hours, okay? Just try to take it easy today. And... stay warm," he added softer, the hint of red appearing on his cheeks again. San found it mesmerizing.
San nodded, his fingers gripping the sleeves of Yunho's hoodie a little tighter as he watched him leave, feeling an odd mix of longing and comfort all at once. The dorm seemed so much more empty without Yunho's bright presence radiating in it, but the hoodie was a reminder, a small piece of him left behind to keep San company.
San had only just settled back into the quiet when there was a knock at the door.
When he opened it, he found Seonghwa, Wooyoung, and Yeosang standing there, each wearing warm, gentle expressions that instantly lifted his spirits. He didn't even have to ask why they were there- the worry in their eyes said it all.
"Hey, Sannie," Seonghwa greeted him softly, his gaze sweeping over San with warmth before he stepped forward, pulling him into an equally as warm hug.
San sank into the embrace, letting Seonghwa's comforting, motherly presence surround him, and the tension in his shoulders he hadn't noticed was there immediately eased. Seonghwa's hand rubbed soothing circles on his back, and San let out a small sigh, feeling the warmth settle deep within him, leaving him feeling content.
"Yunho told us a little about what happened with that Jaehwon guy," Seonghwa said as he pulled back just enough to look at San's face, his hands resting firmly on his shoulders. "We wanted to come by and make sure you were doing okay."
San's heart swelled and he nodded, a little embarrassed, but a small and genuine smile on his face. Before he could respond, Wooyoung slipped in beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him close.
"You know you can't hide from us, right? Wooyoung teased, though there was a gentle warmth in his eyes as he looked at San. "We're not letting you get rid of us that easily, Sannie baby."
San giggled softly as Wooyoung pinched at his cheeks and cooed at him, feeling a rush of gratitude and fondness as Wooyoung rested his head on his shoulder, his hold tight and familiar. Wooyoung's presence was like a balm, easing the lingering hurt and insecurities that had been eating at him since Jaehwon butted his way into their lives. San leaned into him, letting his head rest against Wooyoung's, letting himself relish in the comfort of his friend's easy affection.
Yeosang, who had been watching quietly, stepped forward then, his own soft smile lighting up his face as he reached out and gently took San's head, intertwining their fingers.
"C'mon," he murmured, giving San's hand a gentle squeeze. "Let's sit down. You look like you could use some relaxation."
Together, they guided San to his bed, and before he knew it, he was nestled comfortably between his friends, their comforting touches grounding him. Wooyoung hadn't let go, his arm still around San's shoulders as he leaned in close, and Yeosang had taken San's hand in his lap, his thumb tracing calming patterns over San's knuckles.
Seonghwa settled beside him on the other side, close enough that their legs touched, and he draped a warm, comforting arm across San's shoulders too. The quiet affection in each touch, each gesture, eased any remaining tension that had been building inside him.
They didn't ask too many questions, didn't push him to talk- they simply sat with him, a quiet, grounding presence that reminded him he wasn't alone. They stayed that way for a while, and San found himself slowly relaxing, sinking into the comfort of their shared presence.
It was Wooyoung who finally broke the silence (of course it was), leaning his head back against San's and giving him a mischievous grin.
"You know, I'm starting to think you like wearing Yunho's hoodie a little too much," he teased, reaching over to tug playfully at the oversized hoodie sleeve.
San's cheeks flushed, but he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. "It's... comfortable," he mumbled, glancing away, though he couldn't hide the warmth in his eyes and voice.
The hoodie did feel like a second skin by now, and the familiar scent of Yunho lingering in the fabric had a calming effect he couldn't quite put into words.
Seonghwa chuckled, nuzzling in closer to San and nudging him gently. "Nothing wrong with a little comfort. Besides," he added with a wink, "I think Yunho likes seeing you in it, too."
San's cheeks warmed even more at that, and he opened his mouth to protest, but Yeosang simply patted his hand, a gentle, understanding smile on his face.
"Yunho cares about you," he said softly, his eyes nothing but kind like him. "We all do. The others are busy, but they wanted us to let you know they'll always be here for you, too."
San's throat tightened, and he felt a rush of emotion he hadn't expected. It was easy to forget sometimes that he had multiple people who cared about him now, who wanted to be there for him no matter what. He glanced around at each of his friends, taking in the quiet determination in their eyes, and he felt his heart swell with gratitude.
But he could feel the lingering guilt he always carried creeping in as well.
"I appreciate you guys so much, I do, but I... I just... don't want to feel like I'm dragging everyone else down with me..."
Yeosang clicked his tongue softly, his hand rubbing slow, comforting circles on the back of his hand.
"You're not dragging anyone down. We're your friends, San-ah. We want to be here. So, let us be here for you, yeah?"
San let a small breath out, feeling more at ease and he nodded, trying to let go of the guilt he'd been carrying.
"San," Seonghwa said softly, his voice filled with an almost brotherly warmth. "You're allowed to lean on us. That's what friends are for. If you ever need to talk or just... need someone to simply sit with you and be there, we're always here."
San looked up, his gaze flitting between each of their faces, feeling like he could melt from the warmth of it all.
"Thank you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "Really. I... I don't know what I'd do without you guys."
Seonghwa tightened his arm around San's shoulders, pulling him a little closer, while Wooyoung leaned in closer, resting his head on San's shoulder again with practiced ease.
"Well, you'll never have to find out," Wooyoung said firmly, his voice light but filled with conviction. "We all love you Sannie, and we're not going anywhere."
Yeosang gave San's hand another reassuring squeeze. "Besides, if that dick ever bothers you again, he'll have to go through all of us. Yunho's not the only one who can play protector."
"Yeah, Jongho said that you just have to say the word and he'll be over to kick his ass in a heartbeat," Wooyoung stated seriously. "And Mingi is a big baby, but even he said he was ready to go to war for you. And I'm good at biting." he playfully bit San's sleeved forearm as if to prove it and Yeosang flicked his forehead as San laughed.
"Hongjoong also told me to tell you that he can be very... contriving when he wants to be..." Seonghwa also added conspiratorially.
"Yeah, he really can be," Wooyoung muttered darkly, seemingly speaking from experience.
San giggled again, feeling a sense of lightness he hadn't felt in days. The weight of Jaehwon's words from the night before, the doubts and insecurities that had clung to him, all seemed to melt away in the face of his friends' unwavering support. He had let himself sink deeper into the warmth of their gentle touches, letting go of the worries that had been clouding his mind.
Seonghwa brushed a gentle hand through San's hair, his voice soft and soothing."You've got us, San-ah. Always."
They stayed with him for the rest of the afternoon, filling the dorm with warmth and laughter. Wooyung teased him endlessly, drawing him out of his shell with playful nudges and dramatic stories, while Yeosang kept a steady, comforting presence, occasionally brushing his thumbs over San's hand or leaning against his other shoulder with quiet reassurance. Seonghwa watched over him with a protective warmth, giving him gentle squeezes and encouraging smiles.
By the time they left, San felt lighter than he had in days. He hugged each of them tightly as they said their goodbyes, feeling renewed strength in the love and support they'd offered so freely.
His heart was full, his mind at ease, and San couldn’t believe this was his life now.
✂︎ ✂︎ ✂︎
As the dorm room door creaked open a little later in the evening, San looked up, expecting Yunho to walk in with his usual easy stride and bright smile.
Instead, he saw Yunho moving slowly, his face drawn tight with a wince, his steps uneven as he limped inside. San's stomach twisted with worry, his heart giving a painful thud as he watched Yunho try to keep himself upright, but clearly struggling.
Without a second thought, San sprung up from where he'd been sitting, his own worries cast aside as he hurried over to Yunho's side.
"Yunho, what happened?" he asked, his voice laced with concern as his hands found Yunho's arm, steadying him. The warmth of Yunho's skin under his fingers made his heart race, but right now, he could only think about making sure Yunho was okay.
Yunho gave a sheepish chuckle, trying to play it off, but San could see the pain in his eyes, the way he tried to mask it with a strained smile.
"It's nothing, really," he said, rubbing the back of his neck with a tinge of embarrassment. "I just... took a bit of a fall at dance practice. Probably just twisted my ankle. Not a big deal, really."
San frowned, his gaze dropping down to Yunho's leg, where he could already see a faint swelling forming around his ankle.
"That doesn't look like nothing, Yunho," he murmured, his brow furrowed with worry. He didn't give Yunho a chance to protest, already guiding him gently toward his bed. "Come on, sit down. Let me take a look."
Reluctantly, Yunho let himself be led, lowering onto the edge of the bed as San knelt down in front of him. San's hands moved with gentle urgency as he untied Yunho's shoe, carefully peeling it off along with his sock. His fingers ghosted over Yunho's swollen ankle, his touch feather-light, almost reverent as he tried to assess the injury without causing Yunho any more discomfort.
San's heart squeezed as he looked at the swollen skin, the slight bruising starting to show. How could Yunho have walked all the way back to the dorm like this without saying anything? The thought made San's chest ache, a mix of frustration and tenderness welling up inside him.
"You should've called me," he murmured, glancing up at Yunho with a hint of reproach. "You shouldn't have walked back on this, you probably made it worse.”
Yunho just gave a small, lopsided smile, his eyes soft as he looked down at San. "Didn't want to bother you. Figured it'd be fine,” he gave a small shrug.
San huffed softly, shaking his head. "You're way too stubborn, you know that?"
But despite his words, his voice was gentle, his tone carrying an affection he couldn't quite hide. His hands moved carefully, his fingers brushing lightly against Yunho's skin as he checked for any signs of more serious injury.
Every touch felt electric, the warmth of Yunho's skin radiating through his fingers and filling San with a strange, dizzying warmth. He could feel Yunho's gaze on him, steady and unwavering, and when he finally dared to glance up, his breath caught at the look in Yunho's eyes. Yunho was watching him with a softness, an intensity that made San's heart stutter, the world around him narrowing just to the two of them.
"Does this hurt?" San asked, his voice softer now, almost a whisper, his fingers resting just above the swelling as he met Yunho's gaze.
"A little," Yunho murmured, but the way he said it, his voice barely above a breath, made San think he wasn't talking about the pain in his ankle. There was something deeper in his eyes, a quiet warmth, a tenderness that felt as if it was wrapping San, filling every corner of his heart.
San's cheeks warmed under his gaze, his pulse quickening. He'd always admired Yunho's kindness, his strength, but seeing him like this, feeling the weight of his gaze, made something shift inside San, a realization that maybe- just maybe- this feeling he'd been holding onto wasn't one-sided after all.
Wordlessly, San continued to tend to Yunho's ankle, his fingers moving with a newfound gentleness, his touch lingering a fraction longer than it needed to. He grabbed his first aid kit, pulling out what he needed before settling back in front of Yunho.
He wrapped the bandage carefully, focusing on each turn, each knot, but every so often he found himself glancing up, catching Yunho's gaze, only to feel his cheeks warm again when he realized Yunho hadn't looked away.
As he finished securing the bandage, San looked up once more, and this time he held Yunho's gaze, his heart thudding as he took in the soft curve of Yunho's smile, the way his eyes seemed to hold a silent promise. It was as if every glance, every touch between them held a meaning they were both too afraid to voice out loud yet.
So here they were, the feelings hanging thick in the air, unspoken but undeniable.
"You didn't have to fuss over me like this," Yunho murmured, his voice gentle, laced with a quiet gratitude that made San's heart ache in the best way.
San gave him a small smile, his voice barely a whisper as he replied, "I wanted to."
His gaze dropped for a moment, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away, couldn't resist the warmth radiating from Yunho, the feeling of being so close, of sharing this quiet, intimate moment. When he looked back up, Yunho was still watching him, his eyes filled with something so tender, so deep, that it left San breathless.
Yunho reached out then, his hand lifting to brush a stray lock of hair from San's forehead, his fingers lingering for just a heartbeat longer than necessary. San's breath hitched, his heart pounding in his chest as he met Yunho's gaze, feeling as if he were standing on the precipice of something vast and beautiful, something that could change everything if only he were brave enough to reach for it.
"Thank you, San-ah. You... you're always so caring," Yunho whispered, his hand still resting against San's hair, his touch gentle, reverent. "You make it hard not to feel safe with you."
The words, so quiet and raw, sent a shiver through San. His chest felt tight, his heart racing as he looked at Yunho, his gaze softening, his own feelings spilling over in a way he couldn't hide.
"You... you make me feel the same," he admitted his voice barely audible, a confession hidden in the spaces between words, in the warmth of his gaze.
For a long moment, neither of them spoke, their breaths mingling in the quiet of the room, the world outside fading as they held each other's gaze, feeling the weight of emotions too deep, too raw to be put into words.
Yunho's thumb brushed lightly over San's cheek, a feather-light touch that left San feeling breathless, his chest tightening as he realized just how much Yunho meant to him, how much he wanted this feeling to be real, to be something they could share.
And in that moment, as they sat there, wrapped in each other's warmth, San felt the tiniest flicker of hope grow; a quiet, trembling certainty that maybe Yunho did feel the same. It was a shift, a silent understanding, a feeling that settled between them, wrapping around San's heart like a warm embrace.
Yunho's smile softened, his eyes warm as he looked at San, and for the first time, San let himself truly believe that he wasn't alone in this, that the love he'd been holding onto might not be as unrequited as he feared.
As Yunho's hand lingered against his cheek, his gaze filled with a quiet adoration, San felt his own heart answer in kind, a silent promise, a whispered wish that maybe, they were both on the same page.
✂︎ ✂︎ ✂︎
Over the next few days, San found himself constantly by Yunho's side, practically glued to him as Yunho recovered from his twisted ankle.
It was almost instinctual now- the need to check on him, to make sure he was comfortable, that he wasn't pushing himself too hard on his twisted ankle. He'd fuss over him, making sure Yunho had everything he needed, that he was comfortable, that he didn't push himself too hard- even though Yunho, as stubborn as ever, sometimes tried to brush it off.
But San's concern was relentless, his every touch gentle and steady, and Yunho gradually gave in, letting himself lean on San in a way he hadn't before.
Each time San leaned in to steady Yunho, his hands brushing over his arms or shoulder, Yunho would catch his gaze with a soft, lingering look that made San's cheeks warm. Yunho's hand would reach back, a hand around his shoulder in quiet thanks, his arm slipping around San's waist for balance.
San noticed how the touches lingered in different places as well. The way Yunho's fingers would graze his wrist or brush against his lower back as if he couldn't bear to let go.
And in that closeness, that constant presence, something between them continued to shift, growing stronger, warmer, until it became a soft, glowing ember that San felt in every brush of Yunho's hand against his, in every smile they exchanged, in the way Yunho's gaze lingered on him a fraction too long.
Their touches had grown even more natural than they had been before, more instinctive- light brushes against each other's arms, a hand around his shoulder or resting comfortably on his knee, Yunho's arm draped casually around San whenever they watched a movie with their friends, pulling him flush to his side and keeping him there.
San found himself settling into it, letting himself melt into those touches, no longer second-guessing or pulling away in hesitation, his heart racing with every moment but a new calm settling over him, too.
It was as if that flicker of hope he'd first felt had been stoked, gradually growing into a steady burning fire- a quiet certainty that Yunho's feelings mirrored his own.
But alongside that hope was still that whisper of doubt that lingered in San's mind, creeping up in his quietest moments.
As much as he wanted to believe that Yunho felt the same, a part of him still wondered if maybe he was just reading too much into things.
What if all this- the warmth, the protectiveness, the gentle touches- was just Yunho being Yunho? What if he was just that caring, just that naturally affectionate?
San couldn't shake the worry that he still wasn't enough- that he was somehow lacking, unworthy of Yunho's love beyond simple friendship.
Their friends, of course, had noticed.
San could feel their knowing looks, their soft laugh, the gentle nudges and teasing words that were no longer met with his flustered blushes but instead a warm, accepting smile as if they pointing out the shifts as well made it even more real.
When Seonghwa or Hongjoong would make a quiet comment about how he hovered over Yunho, or when Mingi would nudge Yunho with a wink after San would fuss over him, San found that he didn't mind. He could feel the warmth in their teasing, the genuine happiness his friends seemed to feel for him, as if, they too, were rooting for this silent, unspoken connection between San and Yunho to finally bloom into something real.
One evening, after he'd helped Yunho settle on the couch with his ankle propped up and a warm blanket over his legs, Wooyoung plopped down beside them, throwing San a knowing grin.
"Wow, Yunho. You're really milking this injury, huh? Getting San to do everything for you," he leaned against San's side and nudged him playfully. "And you. You're really taking this whole caretaker thing seriously, aren't you?" he teased. "And just for a twisted ankle? I mean, we all knew you had a soft spot for him, but this? This is, like, serious boyfriend energy."
San let out a surprised giggle, his cheeks warming a little but his heart fluttering with a quiet joy. He felt Yunho's hand rest on his shoulder, steady and warm, and he gave Wooyoung a shrug, a soft smile on his lips.
"Well, someone's gotta make sure he doesn't do anything stupid again," he replied, his tone light, but his gaze drifted to Yunho, and he saw the soft look in his eyes, the way Yunho's smile matched his own.
"Lucky Yunho," Mingi chimed in, his voice teasing but his smile fond. "Having someone so dedicated to making sure he's okay. Maybe I should go twist my ankle so I can get the Sannie treatment too."
Yunho elbowed Mingi in the side playfully and Mingi whined dramatically. "Go ask someone else for help with that. Maybe Yeosang or Jongho will be nice enough to help you. Sannie's mine."
His gaze turned to San, warm and steady, and San felt his pulse quicken under that gaze, the ember of hope inside him glowing even brighter, warming him from the inside. Yunho's eyes softened, and his hand wrapped around his shoulder, bringing him close, and San stayed there contently as if neither of them wanted to break the warmth that grew between them.
"Yunho-hyung, please don't go around volunteering me to that one," he said seriously and jerked his thumb over to Mingi. "No offense, Mingi-hyung."
"Yeah, sorry but no thanks," Yeosang said with a frown. "No offense, Mingi."
Mingi let out an affronted noise and clutched at his heart in mock hurt. "You guys are so mean. I'd totally help any of you guys if you twisted your ankle! Well... maybe not Wooyoung..."
"I'd take care of you, Mingi-yah."
"Thank you, Seonghwa-hyung. You're the only nice one here."
"Yah!" Wooyoung shouted, glaring at Mingi in disbelief. "Why everyone else and not me???"
Mingi pouted. "You bite," he murmured and rubbed his right arm as if still feeling the phantom pain.
Wooyoung opened his mouth as if to protest but huffed and settled back. "Fair enough."
Hongjoong rolled his eyes, scolding them lightly as if they were bickering children, and everyone laughed, moving the conversation to who would be the best at taking care of who.
As the days continued, San found himself more at ease with their growing dynamic. He let himself bask in the warmth of Yunho's affection, his heart growing fuller with each passing moment.
And even though they hadn't spoken about it, hadn't put words to the feelings blooming between them, there was a quiet understanding, a silent promise in each shared look, each lingering touch.
One evening, when they were alone in their dorm, San had helped Yunho prop his ankle up, fussing with the pillow even though his ankle was practically healed at this point (and probably had been for the past couple days, but San just didn’t want to let go).
It just felt so nice being able to take care of Yunho back.
Yunho laughed softly, reaching out to brush a hand over San's hair. "You really don't have to go this far, I'm basically all better now," Yunho murmured, his eyes soft as he looked at him. "But I appreciate it... more than you could ever know. Thank you, San-ah."
San paused, his heart fluttering as he looked up at Yunho, taking in the tender expression on his face.
He opened his mouth to reply, to say something that might hint at the feeling bubbling up inside him, but all that came out was a soft, "I just... I just really want to."
Yunho's gaze softened even more, his hand lingering in San's hair, and for a moment, the silence between them felt filled with everything they hadn't said, every feeling they hadn't voiced as Yunho tucked a stray hair behind San's ear. San felt his heart race, his pulse pounding in his ears as he held Yunho's gaze, the air between them thick with a quiet, unspoken promise.
As the warmth of Yunho's hand seeped through him, San found himself no longer wondering, no longer questioning. The ember of hope had become something solid, something real, a quiet certainty that Yunho felt the same; and even though they hadn't put it into words, hadn't taken the next step, San felt content, warmed by the knowledge that had already taken root in his heart. He didn’t feel rushed to act on these new, overwhelming feelings yet. He felt safe knowing that Yunho would be there to catch him when he finally took the leap.
But the whisper of doubt trickled in again, a soft reminder of his insecurities, of his fear that maybe he still wasn't enough for someone like Yunho.
Still, he let himself hope.
He found himself ignoring that voice, those fears, more and more.
For now, this was enough. He didn't want to rush this, not when it was something so special, something delicate that he wanted to keep cradled in the palm of his hands and not let go yet.
He didn't need the words; he didn't need anything more than Yunho's quiet presence beside him, the warmth of his touch, the shared glances that spoke volumes.
And at that moment, as they sat there, wrapped in each other's warmth, San felt a quiet happiness settle over him, a soft smile playing on his lips as he leaned into Yunho's touch, letting himself be held by this silent, unspoken love that they both shared. San felt content, his heart full with the quiet, steady knowledge that whatever they had- whatever this was- it was real, and it was theirs.