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“Hardison! Hardison, look!” Parker hisses.
“Parker, I swear, we have two refrigerators for a reason. There is the ‘yes dead animals’ fridge and the ‘no dead animals’ fridge, I do not want to see another dead raccoon when I go get my soda, woman!”
“Oh, lighten up, that was only…. six times? It’s whatever, it’s not even that much of a biohazard. But no, look, it’s Sophie!”
Parker and Hardison both peek out the windows of the Resources office building, which conveniently overlooks park headquarters, Interpretation offices, and the courtyard they share. There appears to be a heated debate occurring between two uniformed park rangers, one of whom is gesturing with some sort of colorful piece of fabric, possibly a Little House on the Prairie-style bonnet.
“Listen, you know we all know there’s no only nature or only history parks, right.”
Parker nods, serious. “Uh-huh.”
“And everywhere on this continent has thousands of years of human history that needs to be acknowledged and respected.”
“Yup.”
“But we are a pine forest in Oregon, we are a place people from Portland come for some nice weekend hiking and to get away from the city and other people. Backpacking, birding, fishing, all that fun stuff, right?”
“That’s right.”
“And we do not have the budget, time, or most importantly interest to get a living history program started up from scratch!”
“Yeah, try convincing Sophie of that,” Maggie says, peeking her head between the two of them.
Hardison squawks and flails. Parker is unfazed.
“I’ve tried explaining it to her before,” Maggie continues, used to Hardison by now, “but she just will not budge. She has a lot of ideas about fostering emotional connections to the park and our past. Which like, good thought? The problem is Nate knows her too well and knows how much she wants to play dress up… and exactly how well her tendency to dramatize would go over with some of our visitors. The Donner Party wasn’t that far from here, I’m just saying.”
Maggie shrugs. “Anyway, not my problem until she starts telling me about how it’s affecting their love life. We’re having coffee next week after the leadership team meeting, I’m sure I’ll be hearing all about how he might just get it if she broke out the living history costumes in bed-“
“Thanks Dr. Collins, you’re great, I did NOT need that mental image,” Hardison interrupts. “I will let you know as soon as I have these archives digitized, I will update the database, have fun back in the collections where I can forget that the chief of interpretation and deputy superintendent are anything other than coworkers with zero weird sexual tension between them.”
Maggie laughs and turns to leave. “Yeah, good luck with that one.”
“Hey Maggie! Wanna see the samples I got from the field yesterday?” Parker interjects, enthusiastic. “They’re cool!”
“Do they involve whole or partial animal remains?”
“Only one lightly predated elk carcass, I promise!”
Maggie winces. “Maybe another time, but thanks.”
“No one wants to see your dead elk, Parker,” a voice rises up over the office couch.
“Hey man, you’re finally awake,” Hardison says. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I spent all of yesterday hiking twenty miles into the backcountry and pulling some tourist with a broken leg and no sense of direction out of a ravine. Oh wait, that’s because I did.”
“And that tourist and the park’s public relations both thank you for it.”
“They can thank me by knocking some common sense into these people,” Eliot grumbles, getting up and wandering to the kitchen. “I’m off-shift for the next three days, I’m going to make a run to town for some real food.” He opens the fridge and stares blankly for a second.
“Parker.”
“Uh-huh?” she replies, distracted by the climbing equipment she’s laying out on the office floor.
“What have we said about the ‘no dead animals’ fridge?”
“You put dead elk in the ‘no dead animals’ fridge all the time!”
“That’s- dammit, Parker! Hunting and finding some random half-scavenged elk carcass in the woods are not the same thing!”
“Well, I don’t see what the problem is.”
“It is basic food safety, Parker-“
“Ooh, guys, look,” Hardison interjects. “It’s Sterling!”
All three of them squeeze to look out the window. Sure enough, the argument in the courtyard has gotten more heated, the bonnet abandoned on the ground between them, and there’s a third park ranger in the mix, looking between Nate and Sophie and slowly shaking his head.
“Okay, does anyone know how to lip read?” Parker asks. “I have binoculars.”
“We don’t need it,” Eliot says. “He’s not going to side with Nate, because Nate, but he’s also not going to side with Sophie, because he like is the budget. So all he’s going to be doing is be superior and annoyed at both of them for yelling and interrupting his very serious end of fiscal year spending paperwork until -“
Sophie and Nate turn and yell something at Sterling in unison, and he throws his hands in the air and storms off.
“Yeah, that,” Eliot concludes. “And now those two are going to get all mushy about it-”
Sure enough, Sophie and Nate have gotten much closer, and all animosity seems forgotten over their shared irritation with Sterling.
“-and they’re about to almost kiss and then remember they’re in a PUBLIC WORKPLACE, PEOPLE!”
Eliot yells that last part. Sophie and Nate both look straight up at the resources building, her laughing and him scowling.
“Hi Nate! Remember you represent our park leadership and therefore the federal government and are in full view of visitors at the moment!” Hardison yells cheerily.
Nate grimaces, clearly reconsidering anything he was about to say or any hand gestures he was about to make. Sophie, still laughing, puts a hand on his shoulder and draws him away into the building, out of sight and earshot.
“This is why you don’t date people in your own park,” Parker says wisely.
Eliot and Hardison look incredulously at her, then each other, then back at her.
“Babe, I don’t know how to tell you-“ Hardison starts.
“Oh, we don’t count,” Parker says confidently, gearing up in her climbing harness.
“She’s right!” Maggie yells from the other room.
“Maggie, you married, divorced, and continued to work with your ex and I am not convinced you, him and Sophie have never had a threesome,” Eliot states. “You have absolutely no leg to stand on here.”
Hardison puts his hands over his ears. “Again, did not want or need to know that!”
Maggie laughs. “That’s how I know - from experience. Although, actually, I was agreeing with her about you three. I don’t know how, but you all genuinely seem to have it figured out.”
Eliot visibly softens. “I don’t know how we did it either, but I’m sure glad we did.”
“Aw, babe, love you too,” Hardison says, throwing an arm over his shoulders. Eliot scrunches his face but doesn’t shrug him off, which Hardison counts as a win.
“Me three!” Parker says, now halfway to the ceiling.
“Remind me why we installed anchors in the office walls again?” Eliot asks the room at large.
“Because nest surveys wait for no man! Or woman!” She flips until she’s crouching on the office ceiling, ponytail hanging down and a bright grin on her face. “Now let’s go steal some spotted owls!”