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Lies

Summary:

Being hurt by treasure hoarders is bad enough, but then Childe starts experiencing the effects of what was put into that arrow and it's much worse than what he imagined.

"A part of me will forever hate you for what you did to me."

Day 11 - Hallucinations, truth serum | "Why would you even say that?"

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Childe is not an undefeated champion.

It does bother him, he won’t lie and say he’s completely fine with losing because no one likes losing. Most of the times, though, he tries to focus on the positive side of it, in all the things he learnt and how they will allow him to become better and have better plans when it comes to fighting similar opponents and when the inevitable rematch comes.

Some other times, however, losing has nothing good.

“I will have to check for every known poison, we can’t take too much time.”

“I’m fine, I don’t feel anything,” he mutters but doesn’t push the very concerned former archon away as he holds his arm. “I don’t think they are that creative.”

“You are underestimating them,” Zhongli sighs. “They have no moral code and go to any extent.”

“You forget I don’t have the normal resistance of humans,” he groans. “Let’s just go back home and rest.”

Losing to treasure hunters has never been in Childe’s book.

Well, he didn’t lose, didn’t get defeated, this whole thing was just an accident where he ended up getting the smallest cut in existence product of an arrow that grazed his arm and that ended up being dozed in a liquid that didn’t really smell like something ready to kill him but it surely isn’t water either.

Childe doesn’t really feel anything. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s poisoned or something, so he knows how it feels and the symptoms they bring as soon as it makes contact with the bloodstream. He knows these people need to incapacitate their opponents to get away with their nonsense,  they need something quick and effective, so he should be feeling something by now and that helps him to feel a bit better.

Still, getting injured by them is humiliating enough.

Zhongli continues saying something he doesn’t really listen to their whole way back to their little place at Liyue’s harbour, the one Childe calls his second home since it is the place he always looks forward to going to whenever he’s sent to Liyue. Judging by his tone, he’s still very worried and probably just waiting for him to topple over to finish panicking and while he normally likes how committed he is towards his partner and likes whenever he takes care of him, right now he’s just getting more stressed.

His head is starting to hurt, the cut on his arm is getting more annoying, but the only thing he can think of is how all of this is a horrible inconvenience instead of a real threat to his well-being.

“Remove your clothes, I’ll look for everything I need.”

He knows it is necessary, knows he can’t really brush it off, but that doesn’t keep him from finding it very annoying.

Still, he starts the process of getting rid of all the mess of clothes he wears on the upper side of his body, tossing the scarf to the floor along with his jacket, barely keeping himself from throwing his mask to the other side of the room before leaning back on the sofa. The cut doesn’t really look that bad, it’s barely bleeding, and the normal symptoms present on poisoning seem to be absent.

“Do you feel anything?” Zhongli asks when he returns, the mass of things he’s carrying on his arms doesn’t say anything good.

“Just a very annoying headache,” he mutters, extending his arm when the other reaches for it. “No, nothing is numb, on fire or anything, before you ask.”

Zhongli looks a bit taken aback by the sudden hostility in his tone, Childe is too, but he shakes his head, returning his attention to what he’s doing. “That is good, hold still while I check.”

Being the experienced and wonderful living being he is, Childe sees Zhongli bringing different things to the injury and using his own adeptal abilities to check on the mysterious substance, trying to find what it is and what could it do to his body. Eyes fixed on him and mind fixed entirely on his task.

Childe has never been one to become an annoying patient, too used to having his siblings being all over the place to take care of him whenever they thought he needed to be taken care of, and even used to Zhongli tending to him in that loving way he had. He did enjoy becoming a bit of a whiny mess with Zhongli just because he enjoyed flustering him, but nothing too bad or extreme.

Right now, however, he’s becoming increasingly annoyed.

He isn’t really sure why, can’t really explain why he wishes he could just leave him to rest or why he’s bothered by having such a wonderful partner tending to him with such dedication, he’s just bothered and when those soft hands make a sudden movement that pulls at the tender skin, he decides he had enough.

“Can you just let it be?”

Zhongli stills completely, almost looking as if he has become a statue that can’t move anymore. His eyes are still looking at the injury and his hands are left hovering over his arm. After a moment, however, Childe sees the spark of hurt he immediately shoves down and the shake of his head is made to further regain control of what is going on.

“I apologise, I’m almost done.”

Childe bites his tongue to hold back the following remark that is bound to be as hostile and out of nowhere as the first one has been. He really has no idea why he said that or why he is snapping at his loving partner who is only trying to help him. It is true he is tired and annoyed and just wishes to rest, getting injured is never a nice feeling, but he can’t understand why he couldn’t keep it inside or at least doesn’t sound like a complete ass.

Zhonglli says nothing as he finishes checking on the last couple of things he has before finally moving on to bandage it and help him into the robe he normally wears when they are inside.

“I believe the substance was too little to possess a real threat, your strength countered it,” he says. “I’ll prepare tea for your headache, if you need anything else I can—”

“Rest, that’s all I want.”

This time, he doesn’t dare to look at Zhongli’s face to find that same spark of hurt he saw before, instead lying down on the sofa and closing his eyes in hopes of getting a better hold of himself and calming the pounding in his head product of the headache.

He can tell Zhongli stays standing there for a moment, probably looking at him, but after a moment he hears the padded noise of his feet moving away and towards the kitchen. He hears the distant noise of pots and wooden utensils that can only mean he’s preparing one of those teas that mix a million herbs proper of Liyue that are so effective, he tries to hold onto that to calm himself further, but that weird urge keeps pushing against him.

When the smell reaches him, he’s sure he’s about to explode.

He pushes his body off the sofa and starts to move towards the window to look outside, trying to find comfort in that view that reminds him of the way his and Zhongli’s relationship grew until they both understood they were each other’s one and only. When that fails, he returns to sit down, his leg jumping up and down in an anxious manner that feels so out of place for him.

“Ajax, is there something wrong?”

As expected, the noise drags the attention of the other and when Childe glances at him, he can see him frowning from the doorstep, eyes worried.

“I feel weird,” he admits even if he didn’t really want to. “It’s just— I don’t even know how to explain it, it’s like having something pressing down on my chest.”

Zhongli is at his side in a second, sitting down and immediately reaching to press his hand against his head. Childe can feel that soft thrum of geo washing over him as he tries to find what is going on and even when he can feel the soothing effects of it almost immediately, as time continues moving, he realises it’s not enough.

His partner looks like a kicked puppy when he bats his hand away and stands up to move towards the window again. “It’s doing nothing.”

“Explain to me what else you feel,” Zhongli pleads, standing up to go behind him but still keeping his distance. “I can do more if I know what to aim for.”

“I need silence,” he hisses, glaring at the other. “Space to deal with this.”

“I’m not leaving you unattended,” he says immediately. “I promise to be quick, if you tell me before it further complicates, it will be easier.”

“Oh because you do that all the time, right?”

Shock seems to hold back most of the other things ready to burst out, shock Childe shares even when he is who said it.

“I… was under a contract,” Zhongli, of course, understands what he’s talking about. “I can’t break them and I apologised for what was done to you…”

He did, fuck, Zhongli didn’t just stop at saying sorry the next time he saw Childe and he was set on avoiding him. He did everything in his power to compensate for it and prove to him that he really meant it and that what he felt for him went beyond a normal friendship.

If they end up together is because Childe could outweigh what being used and betrayed left him with and while it is true he couldn’t just forget it, he did manage to leave it behind, so why is he saying this? Why is he allowing these thoughts buried beneath layers and layers of the heaviest material come out?

“I did forgive you,” he says after a moment, feeling that pressure increasing as his dead blue eyes look up at those beautiful golden ones. “Still, a part of me will forever hate you for it.”

He can tell the exact moment something inside Zhongli breaks, can probably even hear it as he sees those eyes filling with pain as he stares back at him.

“I-I don’t know— I just…”

“Some researchers who have been attacked by treasure hoarders claimed to have a kind of substance injected into them, one that forced them to reveal the truth they tried to keep hidden,” he whispers after a moment, his voice seems to tremble, barely audible. “In the haste of the battle, that one probably mistook it with poison and fired it at you.”

Childe’s heart is also breaking because he loves Zhongli and seeing him so devastated makes him feel like the monster so many people think he is. “Zhongli—”

“I understand it,” he whispers before he can continue. “I will prepare what’s needed to counter it.”

The way he walks away into the kitchen feels more like an attempt to escape and it’s not that Childe can blame him. A part of him wants to follow but the fear of what other stupid thing can say keeps him there, gripping the edge of the window as tears start to blur his vision.

Hearing Zhongli crying is like a stab to his heart.

He doesn’t cry loudly or in the most typical way, but Childe can hear the quiet and suppressed sobs, small noises he tries to hide by making more noise with what he’s using to prepare yet another tea but that is more than enough to break and stomp on Childe’s heart.

A substance created to force people to reveal their secrets leaves no opening for misinterpretation and while it is true Tartaglia can’t get rid of that betrayed and hurt part that was born when he realised Zhongli had a contract with Signora this whole time, he preferred to deal with it on his own. The love he felt for the other was stronger, capable of subduing every other negative thing that could still live inside of him, Zhongli didn’t need to know about it but maybe that was a mistake as well.

It feels like hours have passed when he finds the strength to move away from the window and head for the kitchen to find Zhongli still moving around collecting and cleaning things. He can’t hear him sobbing, but he can see dried tears on his face, the red line he uses under his eyes smeared down and to the sides, after he probably tried to clean it.

“Zhongli…”

“The teas are ready,” he says instead, he’s not looking at him. “It’s advisable to have them hot, so once you believe can drink it, do it, please.”

“I just want to—”

“I’ll be resting, I’m also tired.”

He walks past him almost in a blink of an eye, but Childe somehow manages to catch his wrist before he fully leaves and even when Zhongli looks ready to pull his hand away, he stills, still staring ahead instead of looking back at him.

“I love you, Zhongli, I swear I do,” he whispers. “I never mentioned it before because I had to deal with it and I know that was wrong, too, but I thought that was the right thing…”

Zhongli lets out a shuddering breath that makes Childe fear what will be coming. His former archon appreciates honesty, he confessed everything once both realised they liked each other and promised to tell him everything, no matter the nature of the issue because he believed communication and honesty were key to making a relationship prevail.

Childe kept something so vital from him, something so sensible that it wouldn’t really be a surprise if he decided to put an end to it.

“I can actually understand it,” he starts, his voice is still barely above a whisper. “To this day, I wish my contract could have spared you from the suffering… It, however, still hurts to hear it.”

Despite still having everything in danger, Childe lets go of his wrist to wrap his arms around the other man from behind, holding him close and trying to soothe a bit of the pain even when it was him who hurt him. It wasn’t really his fault to have those assholes forcing him to spill a secret he hid deep inside of him, but it was his fault that he never mentioned it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, squeezing him even more. “I’m so sorry, so really sorry.”

It feels repetitive and Childe knows Zhongli deserves more than that, but going from trusting his words and his ease to speak with confidence to fearing he will end up spitting out something he doesn’t want to say in such a blunt and inconsiderate way, makes him feel insecure.

“I forgive you…” he finally says quietly. “I just want to ask something from you.”

“Whatever is is, I’ll do it,” he says, allowing him to turn around in his embrace to look at him.

Someone so beautiful shouldn’t look so vulnerable, such a strong and formidable entity shouldn’t get so hurt by what a mortal says to him, specially when he did everything to get his forgiveness and show love was the only thing he felt for him.

“If that hatred increases, even if it’s just a bit more… Will you let me know so we can part before hurting each other more?”

The sole thought terrifies him, to even think about allowing his mind to let that small part inside of him grow is a  nightmare on it’s own, but he knows what that means for him and knows asking for it has a clear reason behind it.

“I will,” he says, cupping his cheeks to clean the dried mess. “Just like I promise to love you until the end of my life.”

It hurts to see the spark of doubt in there, but he also sees him stomping down on it to lean on his touch with a small smile.

He won’t ruin this again.

Notes:

It's been a while since I wrote about these two and I needed to go back, what's best than angst? HA.

Thank you so much for reading, hope you can leave me a comment down there <3

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