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Eddie stared at the lock screen of his phone. He felt like he was trapped under water, suffocating quietly while his surroundings were muffled.
Then clarity hit him like a wave. He unlocked his phone quickly before dialing a number.
“Hello?”
“Dad, hey.”
“Edmundo?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a question for you.”
“Okay.”
“Where are you right now?”
“The grocery store. I’m picking things up for dinner. If this is about Christopher, you’ll have to call your mother, she’s at home with him.”
“It’s not about Chris,” Eddie said. “Well, it is, but not like that. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Okay?” His father sounded confused. “What did you want to talk about?”
There wasn’t a lot he could do to beat around the bush, but he could still try. “Have you and mom been talking to him? About me, I mean.”
“I suppose,” he hummed. “We’ve talked about what happened with that woman, how he feels about it. We think he’s trying to rationalize it.”
That made sense. Still, his mother’s voice rang in his head.
“Is that all? You don’t remind him that I love him or anything?”
“He knows that.”
“Does he?”
There was a pause on the other end of the line. “What is this really about, Eddie?”
“I just got an interesting phone call from mom.”
“I didn’t realize you’d planned to call her today,” he said slowly.
“That’s the thing, I hadn’t planned on it. So imagine my surprise when I see her calling after I get home from work.”
“Is she okay? Is Christopher-”
“They’re both fine, I actually don’t think mom meant to call me.”
“So she called you on accident? Is that why you called me?”
“No, I called you because I wanted to know if you’d been talking to Christopher about me. I could hear her talking to him. Telling him how I’m unstable, how I’m sick, how I don’t want him and that he’s better off with you.”
The line was silent for so long that Eddie thought his dad must have hung up on him. Then he heard a shaky breath.
“She said that to him?”
“Yes.”
“Puta madre, Eddie, you know that’s not true.”
“And yet your wife is telling my son that it is. I’m coming to get him, I don’t care if you tell either of them, but I’m not arguing with mom about it. I won’t rest until I can tell my son that his dad loves him, even when he does make mistakes, but I will always want him because he is everything I love in this world. Do you understand me?”
“I understand. I won’t fight you, but she almost certainly will.”
“I know. I’ll see you soon.”
He hung up and immediately navigated down his list of recent calls.
Buck answered after the first ring. “Hey Eddie, I was just about to walk out the door, what’s up?”
“Oh shit, I forgot you have plans with Tommy.”
“Please, it’s just dinner. Seriously, what’s going on? I just saw you so I assume this call is serious.”
“I… do you want to come to Texas with me?”
“Do I… Eddie, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“More or less. I’m going to get him and I don’t want to drive alone, so I figured I’d ask you.”
“Oh my god, absolutely. Shit, give me five minutes to pack a bag and I’ll be right over.”
“But Tommy-”
“Fuck Tommy,” Buck said decisively. “This is way more important, and if he has a problem with that, then who cares about him? You and Chris will always take precedence.”
“Okay, I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Yep, be there soon.”
The phone beeped, and Eddie took a shaky breath. He looked around his house. It hadn’t felt like home in months, but that was finally about to change.
~~~
When Buck pulled into his driveway, Eddie wasted no time in putting his stuff in the car and hopping into the passenger seat.
Neither of them spoke until they hit the highway, when Buck finally caved to the tense silence. “Did Chris call?”
“No.”
“So what brought this on?”
Over the last few months, they’d had a few calls at work that Eddie wanted to drive down to Texas after. He’d only abstained because Chris still wasn’t talking to him, and he figured it might be too much. Buck knew this because he’d told him, and Eddie knew he would support him no matter what he chose to do.
“My mom butt dialed me.” Saying it out loud made the absurdity of the situation obvious. He let a laugh bubble out from his chest. “My mom butt dialed me, and I don’t think she knows she did, because I heard what she was saying to Chris, and I’m making an educated guess here, but I really don’t think she would have said any of what she said if she knew I could hear.”
“What did she say?”
Eddie repeated the snippets of conversation that he’d heard. While it was clear he hadn’t joined at the beginning of the conversation, he was able to hear everything from when he’d picked up the phone to when the call dropped.
By the time he finished, Buck was gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.
“I called my dad after. I don’t think he knew what was going on either. I told him I was coming to get him, he didn’t seem like he was going to put up much of a fight. I don’t know if he’s going to tell my mom, but I have a feeling she won’t know I’m coming.”
“Jesus, Eddie.”
“I know. I know.” He paused for a moment. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“Hey, anytime. I’m glad you called, I wouldn’t want you to do this alone, especially right after all that.”
“It’s kind of a lot. I’m also sorry that I interrupted your plans and commandeered your days off. How did Tommy take it?”
“Well, he said ‘Christ, Evan’ in the way he does that makes me feel like a child, and then told me to call him when I was sick of playing house with you, so I don’t think I’m going to call him.”
Eddie snorted. “We’re kind of a mess, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, but I’m okay with that.”
“So you’re really not going to call him?”
“Why should I? If he’s going to question my choices, I don’t want to hear it. If I want to play house with you, that’s none of his business.”
“You want to play house with me?”
Buck huffed. “It’s a stupid metaphor, I know.”
“It’s not a bad one,” Eddie said kindly. “You’re family in all the ways that matter, I wouldn’t mind playing house with you for the rest of my life.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, why not? We can talk more about it once we have our kid back under our roof, but I think we can make it work.”
Buck glanced over at him with a bright smile. “I think you’re right.”
~~~
They pulled into the Diaz’s driveway early the next morning. After their conversation, Eddie had decided to take a nap while Buck drove so one of them would be sharp for the drive back.
He climbed out of the car, mentally preparing to knock on the door as he approached the steps up to the porch. Buck was staying back at the car, watching in case he was needed, but Eddie knew this wouldn’t take long.
His mother opened the door a moment later.
“Eddie?”
“Mom.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for my son.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Eddie?”
“It’s a better idea than letting you keep him here so you can turn him against me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His mother was always a terrible liar.
Then a new voice floated out from behind her.
“Dad?”
“Hey, buddy, I’m here to take you home. Is that okay?”
Over his mom’s shoulder, he saw his dad holding Christopher’s bags.
“We’re going back to LA?”
“Yeah, if that’s alright with you?”
“Yeah, that sounds okay.”
“I don’t know what this is, but you’re not taking him,” his mother said, blocking the door.
“Why not?” Eddie asked, glaring at her.
“Because he doesn’t want to! Because he needs to stay with us! Why are you even here, Eddie?”
“Because,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Because you called me.”
That caused her to freeze. “When did I call you?”
“Yesterday. I heard you say something about me being unstable amongst other things, but I thought I’d come here myself, so I could set the record straight, tell my son I love him, and let him know that I would never want him anywhere else but under my roof. So how about it, Chris?”
The kid made his way around his grandmother, and Eddie hugged him tightly. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, let’s go put your stuff in the car, huh?”
“Okay.”
Eddie grabbed one of his bags from his dad and made his way back towards the car. Chris yelled when he saw Buck, and started walking quicker.
“Hey Superman!” he heard Buck call as he ran to meet him, but he was more focused on his mother continuing to argue as she followed behind him.
“How dare you do this! I didn’t know you heard any of that, you have no right!”
Eddie rounded on her, stopping her in her tracks. “Chris, earmuffs,” he called back to his son.
“But dad-”
“You’re not going to want to hear this,” he told him, nodding at Buck to help.
Then he turned back to his mom.
“You are a raging bitch, you know that? You’re a horrible person, and I hope you burn in hell for what you’ve done. You barely raised me, made me raise my sisters, and have tried to turn my entire family, including my own child against me because you’re unhappy with your life and you can’t stand the fact that I’ve been capable of holding this family together since I was barely old enough to bike to the store by myself. Maybe you’re right, maybe I am unstable, maybe I am sick, but I’m only those things because that’s what you made me.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “I spent years angry at dad because he wasn’t there, but I can at least somewhat understand what he did and why he did it, even if I don’t agree.” He spared a glance at his dad, who looked surprised, but he didn’t slow down. “I only realized recently that I should be just as angry with you, because you were here and you were barely a parent outside of shaming me for doing everything wrong. The fact that I never felt loved here was a major part of my decision to move to California, and now I know for a fact that I wasn’t. So I’m taking my son home, because I love him with everything I have, even if I am fucked up, but I will be damned if he grows up thinking I don’t. So fuck you, and fuck your shame, and fuck your unrealistic expectations. If you even think of reaching out to me ever again, I will be filing a no-contact order, and I will make sure everyone knows why you can’t see your grandchild.”
Eddie let the threat hang in the air for a moment before he turned to his father. “I’m sorry for resenting you for so long, but I’ve said what I needed to say. Thank you for taking care of him.”
His dad huffed out a sad laugh. “It was a pleasure to have him stay, but I understand why you’re doing this. I’m sorry I didn’t see the signs sooner. I wouldn’t have let it happen.”
“I know, it’s not your fault.” He held out his hand. “You helped when it mattered.”
He shook the offered hand, and Eddie turned back to the car where Buck was waiting with Christopher. He had a look of sad awe on his face that was mixed with something else. Another second later, he realized that it meant Buck was proud of him.
Eddie wanted to kiss him for it.
“You boys ready to go?”
“Yep!” his son answered, and Buck was already reaching over to open the door to the backseat for him.
“Keys?” Eddie asked, and Buck tossed them to him before climbing into the passenger seat.
Once Eddie was seated behind the wheel, he nodded at his father one last time, started the car, and reversed out of the driveway. He didn’t even look back when he heard his mother start shrieking after them.
~~~
Since he’d driven the 11 hours to El Paso nearly straight on the way there, Buck fell asleep less than an hour into the drive.
Not that he hadn’t tried to stay awake, he really had, making conversation with Christopher, trying to distract from the still tense atmosphere, but in the end his exhaustion won out.
Once Buck dropped off, the car was quiet. There was soft music coming from the speakers, Eddie didn’t even recognize the song beyond knowing it was from one of Buck’s playlists, but Eddie almost expected Chris to fall asleep too.
Actually, Eddie thought he had fallen asleep until, somewhere around when they crossed into Arizona, he spoke up.
“Abuelo told me that you love me. Last night I mean”
Eddie was suddenly grateful for the lack of traffic at that time of day. “Of course I love you,” he said, praying that his voice wouldn’t give out.
“He told me that abuela was lying to me. That you were coming to get me.”
“I’ll always come and get you,” Eddie told him. “I’m glad he told you, I didn’t want to surprise you, but I don’t think your abuela would have let me come if she knew.”
“Why?”
That was a loaded question that Eddie didn’t know how to answer for his son. “Because she loves you, but she wants to keep you all to herself, tucked into a bubble that she can control so nothing ever happens to you,” he eventually said. It wasn’t wrong, but he was done revisiting his anger. It would have to do.
Chris seemed to accept the answer, and let the silence sit for a few more minutes. Then-
“I think I was starting to believe her,” Chris whispered. “Everything she said, I didn’t want to believe it, but I was so mad at you, and I thought maybe you were better off without me, since you’d never even wanted me in the first place.”
Helena Diaz was going to hell, Eddie decided in that moment. He was half tempted to turn the car around and send her there himself.
Instead, he pulled the car over gently so he could turn and talk to his son.
“If I ever do anything to imply I don’t want you, assume I’ve been taken by bodysnatchers and that’s a fake me. Christopher Diaz, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Maybe this wasn’t how I thought my life was going to go when I was your age, but I wouldn’t change a single thing that has happened since.”
“Nothing?” Chris asked skeptically.
It was a fair question, he’d done some things he regretted, especially in recent history. “Maybe a couple of things,” Eddie admitted, “but if there’s one thing I believe, it’s that all of our choices lead us to where we need to go. They bring us to these moments, and even when everything is terrible and it hurts to get out of bed in the morning because I miss your mom, or I have nightmares because of Afghanistan, it’s worth it, because I have you.”
“And Buck,” Chris added. “You have Buck because of that too.”
Eddie laughed, and he didn’t even care that he could hear his barely restrained tears. “And the two of you mean everything to me. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“I won’t,” Chris affirmed. “And about you and Buck-”
Eddie groaned, but he smiled so Chris knew he was messing around.
“I trust you. I know you actually love him, and you’re not just trying to make it happen because you miss mom.”
And if that wasn’t the blessing Eddie had never expected.
He looked over at Buck, noting the even rise and fall of his chest. It was proof that he was alive, a fact Eddie wouldn’t take for granted ever again.
“I’m sorry it took me so long.”
Chris shrugged. “Like you said, your choices led you here. Would you want it any other way?”
“I guess not,” Eddie admitted. “When did you get so wise?”
“One of us had to be,” Chris teased.
“Fair enough,” Eddie laughed, turning back around in his seat to pull back out onto the road.
After that, the car was truly quiet, this time without the lingering tension.
~~~
Eddie stopped for gas just outside of Tucson. He pulled into the service station and parked at an available pump, popping the gas cap open before he hopped out and started filling the tank.
He looked into the back seat window to see that Chris was still asleep. He’d knocked out after their conversation, as emotionally wrought as it was. Then he leaned back into the front seat and nudged Buck. “I know you’ve been pretending to be asleep for the last little while, time get out and stretch.”
Buck opened one of his eyes and scrunched up his face. “How did you know?”
“I’m not going to say you snore, but your breathing has a distinct sound when you’re asleep,” Eddie told him. “Now get out and stretch because you’re secretly an old man and your legs will hate you if you don’t.”
Buck groaned, but did as he was told. What Eddie didn’t expect was for him to come around the car to hug him from behind.
“Hi,” he said, resting a hand over Buck’s where it looped around his waist.
“Hi,” Buck murmured into his shoulder.
“How much did you hear?”
He didn’t need to explain what he was talking about. They both knew.
“Maybe half?” Buck admitted. “I started to wake up because the car was stopped. I’m sorry for listening in.”
“I’d have said it even if you were fully awake for the conversation,” Eddie told him. “It’s not a secret.”
Buck hummed, setting his head back down on Eddie’s shoulder as he watched the gallons tick by. “I love you too, you know.”
“Good to know,” Eddie said, leaning further into him.
“I’m also really proud of you,” Buck said, raising his head to say the words softly near his ear. “What you’ve been through-”
“I’d go through it all again if I had to for a life like this,” he said with determination.
“Really?” Buck sounded surprised.
Eddie turned so he was looking him in the eye when he spoke. “Evan Buckley, if you don’t think I would move heaven and earth for the two of you, I have news for you.”
The gas pump clicked to let them know the tank was full, and Eddie moved to return the nozzle and replace the gas cap. When he looked back at Buck, he was still just staring at him, and Eddie knew what he needed to do.
He leaned up to kiss him softly. “I’m going to pull into a parking spot so I can go inside and get coffee. I suggest you take a walk so we can knock out the rest of this drive and bring our kid home safely.”
That seemed to snap Buck out of his stupor. “Okay, I’ll uh- I’ll be right back.”
Buck walked off, but not without another quick kiss, smiling as he did so. Eddie watched him go for a moment before he got back in the driver’s seat and pulled the car up. Then he went inside and got his coffee and some snacks for all of them.
They had another six hours to go before they were back at the house, but there, in Buck’s Jeep, arguing about who was driving, complaining about gas station coffee, and sneaking glances of his teenager in the rear view mirror at a gas station outside of Tucson, Arizona, made Eddie feel at home in a way he hadn’t in a very long time.