Chapter Text
Ilya had been a little quiet throughout the day’s practice, and by the time they’d finished, Shane was starting to worry. His typically boisterous husband seemed a bit down. He’d barely been a dick to anyone all morning, and alarm bells were buzzing in Shane’s head.
As they packed up, Shane came and hovered over his shoulder. “You okay?”
“Fine.” Ilya zipped up his bag, eyes downcast. “I am maybe having a funny brain day, that is all. Do not worry. I am okay.”
Shane’s eyebrows creased, alarm bells now blaring. “Okay… You’re seeing Galina this afternoon right?”
Ilya sighed. “Yes, Shane. Just like every other Wednesday. Is fine. We are fine. I will be home in a few hours.”
“Okay…” Shane bit his lip, disbelieving. “I’m going to stop at the grocery store before I head back if there’s anything you want me to pick up.”
“No, whatever you want for dinner this week is fine with me.” The alarm bells screamed. “You will take Anya out when you get home, yes?”
“Of course.”
Worry clouded Shane’s face, and Ilya couldn’t stand to see it. Under different circumstances, he might’ve kissed his temple or something to reassure him, but here, he followed Shane’s “No PDA” rules, so that was that. He slung his bag over his shoulder, that rueful look still on his face.
“I love you.” Shane looked so nervous it was almost pissing him off, but not as much as it was making him sad. He just wanted to leave.
“Of course.” Ilya squeezed his shoulder. “Ya lyublyu tebya.”
***
“It’s so stupid. I know it’s stupid. It’s fucking Instagram. It’s not our real life, but I just… I don’t— I don’t know.” Ilya stopped pacing and covered his face with his hands, letting out a growl.
“It’s not stupid to want your husband to stand up for you in public.” Galina stared up at him calmly.
“He does though! He told the commissioner of the league to fuck off, for me! He risked everything for me. He’s changed teams, he’s moved his whole life!”
“Which you also did.”
Ilya groaned and returned to his pacing. Sometimes when Galina held up a mirror to Shane’s behavior, it only made him antsier.
“Have you ever talked to Shane about these questions you’ve been doing? Does he know you’ve been feeling this way?”
Now Ilya reddened, not wanting to admit to this next part. “No,” he mumbled. “It’s stupid. It shouldn’t affect our relationship. They’re just dumb little videos for the team. It’s not like he needs to say anything about us at all, but…”
“But?”
“But…” Ilya sighed. “Today they outright asked him to defend himself for why he married me, and he said nothing.”
“Oh?” Galina’s eyebrows raised in a rare show of emotion. “Why would they do that?”
“It was funny. It was part of the video.” He tried to force a smile, but he got the feeling that Galina was not a particularly humorous person.
“Did you find it funny?”
Ilya chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I think I would have, if he had maybe said something else. The guys… They are just kidding. And Shane is too. But… I don’t know. It’s so stupid.”
“Why do you think Shane didn’t defend you?” Galina held his gaze.
“I know why. The media, the press, we are both sick of it. He does not want to add, what is the phrase?” He switched to English. “Fuel to fire?”
Galina nodded gently. “And you both feel that way?”
“I don’t know. Maybe not always.” Ilya dropped his face into his hands to hide his expression. “Other married people on the team talk about their partners all the time. Even Troy talks about his boyfriend. We are the gayest team in the NHL, and Shane still doesn’t feel comfortable talking about us. For years, we’ve been asked, “How could they possibly be together?” and it’s not like we owe anyone an explanation, but…”
“But?”
“But maybe sometimes I want him to say something nice about me. I don’t know if I would make fun of him so much if I was allowed to tell people how much I love him.”
“And does Shane prefer when you make fun of him?”
“No.” Ilya said flatly. “He is boring and easy to tease and he is a slut for praise.”
Galina raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry.” Ilya deadpanned. “I just… I have spent so much time in this league, in my whole career, being an asshole. It would be nice if my own fucking husband didn’t think so too.”
Galina let those words linger in the air for a moment before carefully continuing. “Ilya… What do you think Shane would say if he heard you say that?”
Ilya grimaced. He kind of hated when Galina played this card with him, because it never failed to humble him. He sighed, ready to play her game, and the sound of Shane’s voice ricocheted through his head.
“He would say… You’re not an asshole. Well, you’re an asshole sometimes.” He cracked a smile, thinking fondly about how Shane wouldn’t be able to help himself, and his eyes softened into a faraway look. “He would say… You’re the best person I know. He would say that he loves me, and that his parents love me, and the team loves me.” Ilya shook his head. “It shouldn’t matter to me what he says in some dumb video.”
Galina leaned forward and found Ilya’s eyes. “But it’s okay if it does matter. It’s okay to want your husband to have your back when other people attack you, kidding or not. At work or not. The two of you have been through a very long and difficult journey to be together — a journey that almost no one knows about since you’ve chosen not to disclose the timeline of your relationship to the public. The outside still doesn’t match what’s on the inside, and it’s okay if that’s still a source of frustration. You spent more than a decade pretending to hate each other, and what you want is for him to start treating you differently than he ever has before in public, which may be a bigger step forward than you realize — even though you’re married. It’s hard to break patterns, so start small. You don’t have to show everything, but it sounds like you want to put up more of a united front now that you are finally able to do so. I think you need to talk to him and find out what that balance looks like for the two of you. If you were going to bring this up with him right now, tonight, what would you want to say?”
Ilya let out a long breath, letting her words sink in. Then he began to speak.
***
The team crushed Buffalo. In fact, they hadn’t lost a Buffalo game the entire season. But tonight’s power play was a thing of beauty. Hollander and Rozanov were in sync in a way that simply couldn’t be replicated, firing off shots to what seemed to be completely blank patches of the ice, knowing the exact second the other would be there.
When Harris posted a video of Ilya’s goal later that night — a stunning shot, and a perfect execution of The Rozanov — the fans went wild.
One fan in particular.
Shane shared the clip to his rarely used Instagram stories, captioning it: “#DefendYourself: Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov 😎”, heart beating in double time as he pressed post.
The next day, he woke up cuddled in bed with Ilya and Anya, and found that his messages had blown up.
Ilya nuzzled his cheek, “What are you so happy about, moy lyublimyy?”
“Look.” Shane was grinning as he leaned over to show Ilya his phone.
Inbox
@mrsrozanov replied to your story: Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov *photo of Ilya in his Gladiator costume*
@ilyarozanovsmoking replied to your story: #DefendYourself He looks like this *three photos of Ilya smoking cigarettes, looking sexy and European as hell*
@irinafoundation replied to your story: 😍
@hockeymemes replied to your story: *GIF of Ilya fist pumping after a goal*
@roselandry replied to your story: Didn’t want to say “ideal peg” on main?
@takeahikejackiepike replied to your story: Number one manicurist 💅 (the kids say hi!)
@zaneboodram replied to your story: Sucking up to the captain smh
@ilyarozanovdoingthings replied to your story: Baby don’t worry you don’t need to defend SHIT we GET IT!!!
@datadrivenhockey replied to your story: I got you dude *sends their own post titled ‘Rozanov Best Goals Compilation’*
@ottawachildrenshospital replied to your story: Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov: He’s a fan favorite over here! 😊 *photo of Ilya playing video games with children*
@hockey_hunks replied to your story: #DefendYourself: Hockey Hunks Fan Voted Champion 5 times 😍🤤
@mrsjennyspethotel replied to your story: Meant to send this to Ilya last time! Reasons to be married to Ilya Rozanov! Hope you two and Anya are doing well! 🐶💞 *photo of Ilya in a baseball cap with a pastel pink bow smack in the middle of it, beaming next to an excited Anya wearing identical bows behind her ears*
Ilya smiled sheepishly, sleepy and unusually bashful as the messages kept loading.
Shane kissed him on the cheek. “And they don’t even know you like I know you.”
Ilya cocked an eyebrow. “You want all of those people to know me like you know me? One of those is from your mom, I think.”
“Gross!” Shane laughed and shoved him. “We hired someone else to do social media for the foundation, idiot.”
Ilya wrapped a big arm around him and pulled him closer. “Mm, this is not a very nice way to talk about your husband, moy lyubov. Maybe you should use your mouth somewhere else if you are going to be so mean to me.”
Shane put down his phone and threaded his fingers through Ilya’s hair, pulling him into a long, slow kiss. “I’m sorry about the video. I still feel bad about it. I have so many reasons to be with you, I don’t even know where to start.”
“Not good enough.” Ilya murmured between kisses, but he was smiling. “Defend yourself, Hollander. Give me the reasons why you married Ilya Rozanov.”
“I love your smile. I love the way you smell. I love coming home to you, and getting to play with you, because all I ever want to do is be around you.”
“So romantic, Hollander…” Ilya grinned, nipping at Shane’s jaw.
“Fuck off. I love seeing you play with kids. No one should look as hot as you do in the outfits Ruby picks out for you.”
Ilya rolled over and pinned Shane to the bed.
“I’m so fucking in love with you, Ilya. You’re so it for me it’s stupid. It’s embarrassing how much I love you.”
“Embarrassing, huh?” Ilya leaned in close, dropping slow kisses onto his neck.
“Mhmm.” Shane gasped as Ilya bit his earlobe. “I’m obsessed with you.”
“Obsessed?” Ilya worked his way back down Shane’s neck. “That is embarrassing for you.”
“Fuck you. You’re obsessed with me too.”
“Mm, this is true. Tell me more.”
“I don’t even remember what it’s like to not be obsessed with you.” Shane sucked in a sharp breath.
“Aw.”
“Shut up.” Shane was having an increasingly difficult time talking as Ilya sucked his collarbone, grinding down on him. “I’m obsessed with your mouth and your voice and— ah— your hands— and— how did that person put it? Huge dick?”
“Massive dick. I looked up the word.”
Shane laughed. “How do they even know that?”
Ilya shrugged a shoulder. “I think there are swimsuit pictures from one of the All Stars games.”
Shane pulled back in thought. “2017?”
“Probably.”
His nostrils flared. “That was a very slutty swimsuit.”
Ilya cracked that lazy, lopsided smile that always drove Shane crazy. “I had someone to impress.”
Shane rolled his eyes, enjoying their leisurely morning make-out, even without teeth brushing. “You impress me all the time. Every day. I meant what I said last night. I promise I’ll try to show it more. I love you. So fucking much.”
Ilya blushed, still a little embarrassed about yesterday’s conversation, but enjoying the praise anyways. He murmured into Shane’s lips, “Do you want to be impressed right now?”
Shane laughed, giving a very enthusiastic nod, and Ilya kissed him, deep and slow, before pausing, a contemplative look in his eye. “I think you are going to like it. Being shown off a little.”
“Yeah?” A pink flush filled Shane’s cheeks, and he gave a nervous laugh. “Have you ever shown off only a little in your life?”
Ilya’s mouth twisted into a mischievous smirk. “No.”