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The shift is subtle in the empty corners of the 118, but it’s there and the team is starting to feel the familiar aching of worry in their bones as they keep a watchful eye on their youngest member. Hen can’t quite pinpoint the first day she started to take notice of the gentle greens and yellows on Buck’s pale skin… but soon it became like clockwork making mental notes almost like a map of everything she sees.
It’s an early Sunday morning when she finally starts to worry about subtle bruises peaking out from just beneath the sleeves of Buck’s shirt. She knows the kid… knows he can be clumsy and often is painted black and blue from the stunts he pulls saving lives, but this is different, and Hen is almost 95% sure she can see the outline of fingers around her best friend’s upper arm. It takes everything in her not to rush over and pull the younger firefighter into her motherly arms and beg him to tell her who did it, but Buck is smiling and laughing at something Eddie is saying to him and she can’t help but wonder if maybe her mind is taking it too far. And so she makes a mental note… adds the handprint to the map she’ll be making of Buck’s latest injuries and tells herself everything we be okay and they just need to get through this 24-hour shift.
Everything is not okay.
It’s been weeks and the mental map Hen has been making of Buck’s canvas-looking skin is filling up. A small patch of yellow here, what looks like a scratch there, another fading handprint around his wrist. And then there’s the limp he seems to sport every couple of days, and god she hopes the crush injuries are just acting up, but something is starting to pool in her gut like guilt and fear and she makes her decision. She’s going to confront him.
Okay… so maybe she spoke too soon because suddenly the probie is commenting about how quiet the morning has been and all hope she has for confronting Buck flies right out the ladder truck window as they’re speeding toward the 5th call in just two hours. There’s a pit in her stomach again as she watches Buck’s little limp out of the locker room, and while she may be tired, Hen is perceptive and she keeps her eyes peeled. She doesn’t miss it this time, but she wonders if she has before, the look of absolute anguish that plasters itself across Eddie’s sharp features when his gaze drifts to his limping best friend. And yeah, they’re best friends, Hen knows that… but this is something more. This is something that has Hen’s mind reeling because that look shouldn’t be there, not when Buck is the one hurting and Hen doesn’t know why.
Eddie looks guilty… and Hen’s starts to wonder when breathing felt this hard.
———
It’s Chim who confronts Buck just two days later as the team gets ready to start a 48-hour shift. Hen already had her heart set on checking in with her pseudo brother, but wasn’t expecting to walk in on a conversation slowly growing in volume across the garage.
“Buck bud… you’ve got to tell me who did this to you. I won’t think of you any different, I just need to know you’re safe.” Hen can hear the edges of desperation that lace through Chimney’s voice and she knows he’s worried. That’s all it takes for her brain to start scoping out the scene before her.
Bobby is on the second floor leaning over, looking like he’s just seconds from making his way down the stairs to join the conversation he is obviously eavesdropping on. Then there’s Eddie… standing just on the other side of the bench from Buck and Chim and god does he look terrified. He’s wringing his hands together, almost the textbook definition of anxious, and if Hen were in her right mind maybe she’d notice the rapid rise and fall of his chest, an obvious indicator of a panic attack that’s about to hit her friend like a freight train. But she doesn’t notice and she’s not in her right mind because her eyes land on Buck and everything goes red.
There he is, all 6’2 of him looking like he’s shrunk into himself, and Hen feels her heart start to crumble because she’s never seen Buck look so… small. It isn’t the size or the obvious tension coursing through him that sets fire to a burning rage in Hen. No, it’s the deep purple ring around his eye accompanied by the tell-tale swelling that indicates the man had been hit that has Hen rushing over.
“Buckaroo…” her voice is gentle, almost as if she’s approaching a skittish deer as she comes to rest her palms on the man’s cheeks. “Sweetheart who did this to you? Are you seeing someone? Are you okay? Where is he? Do we need to find you somewhere safe to stay?”
Hen knows better than to corner the man. She’s been on calls with cases like this a hundred times… of people who have been hurt by people who “love” them. She knows bombarding him with questions is the last thing Buck needs, but she can’t help but panic herself as warm tears start to puddle on her thumbs that have been rubbing circles on the man’s bruised cheeks.
“I… It’s not… Hen, Chim I don’t…” Buck’s breathing is quick and Hen can see the way his pupils start to expand and he gazes off a bit. And oh shit, Buck is panicking and Hen doesn’t know what to do and -
The shove is sudden and with it Hen’s hands are off of Buck’s face and she barely has a moment to catch herself before she’s tumbling onto the bench and her vision fills with the silhouette of Eddie. Eddie… who is grabbing onto the side of Buck’s face and pulling the man close as if he’ll float away if he leaves even an inch of space. The entire firehouse is silent by the time Buck’s breaths seem to calm and he melts into Eddie’s strong arms… legs turning to jello as Hen watches Eddie slowly lower him to sit on the bench next to her. And as if today wasn’t already going to hell, Hen is not ready for the words that she hears next.
“It was me,” the words are choked out and they sound wet, and it’s then as Hen looks up that she realizes Eddie is sobbing. “I did this… and before you say anything it wasn’t on purpose but it was me and I told Buck he didn’t need to share a bed with me and that I wouldn’t love him any less if he chose not to because I scare him because let’s be honest I scare myself and the last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt but sometimes I wake up and it’s like I’m back there and what I’m seeing isn’t Buck and -“
“EDDIE! BREATHE!” Any other day Hen might have thrown a glare at Buck for screaming so close to her ear… but as she sits, watching Eddie drawing in a gasp and falling like a marionette with cut strings to the bench next to Buck, she doesn’t even have the energy to do anything other than stare at the two in utter confusion like Chimney has been in the corner this whole time.
“We’re okay baby… we’re okay and I need you to breathe,” Buck has his forehead pressed to Eddie’s now and is soon whispering into the older man’s ear and kissing his cheek, and damn Hen has missed at least ten chapters because… what is happening?
Eddie must have noticed the stares as he came down from the sudden panic attack he had fallen into because something clicks and soon the man is turning to face the small crowd of people that have gathered. Hen still has her thigh pressed tight to Buck’s own grounding both him and herself. Chimney, in true Chim fashion, is still across the room, just with his jaw now dropped and his eyes flashing with confusion. And Bobby is leaning on the door, Hen really couldn’t tell you when he made his way downstairs, but the man is standing with arms crossed in an almost gentle way waiting for the two men to calm down and tell their story.
“Tesoro I’m sorry if you don’t want this, but they need to know and you can’t keep lying because you think they’re protecting me,” and just like that the damn breaks and with a heavy kiss to Buck’s cheek Eddie is spilling everything.
He tells the 118 of their not-so-newfound but still new relationship. How they had been idiots and had finally realized that they’d spent forever pining after each other thinking nothing could ever come of it. How Buck is the man he loves and he would travel to the moon and back to bring him a glass of stars if it would even make him smile. And then Eddie is crying again… salty trails making gentle rivers on his cheekbones as he starts to explain the bruises.
How they had recently moved to the stage of their relationship where Buck was spending the night more often. How he doesn’t know why it started, but his nightmares and PTSD had come back with a vengeance, and most nights he woke up screaming his throat raw. How the first time he woke with his hands bruising Buck’s soft skin he rubbed them raw in the sink wishing to wash away the hurt he had caused the love of his life. How even with the grabbing, the punching, the kicking, and the screaming Buck refused to sleep in the guest bedroom and still held him close at night. How he didn’t mean it and he would never hurt Buck on purpose and how he wishes the man would let him tie himself down to the bed if it meant never hurting him in the haze of a nightmare again.
They sit there for what seems like an eternity allowing Eddie to expel the demons that seem to have been haunting him for weeks. Hen can’t help but start to see the tension leaking from the man’s shoulders… and man when did the circles under his eyes get so deep? Each of them takes time to ask how they can help and remind the now couple that they’re here for them, and then the silence they’ve fallen into is broken by Bobby clearing his throat.
“I’ve taken us offline for a few hours so everyone can catch their breath and cool down. Meet me upstairs in 30 for breakfast,” Bobby’s eyes are warm as they land on Buck and Eddie cradling eachother on the bench. “And you two better be ready to sign a lot of paperwork…. I’m happy for you sons.”
The air feels less heavy then as the four firefighters take the time to allow themselves a peaceful moment of quiet. And of course, in true Chimney fashion, it wouldn’t be an intervention if it didn’t end in laughter.
“Hey Hen… you owe me 20 bucks”
————
Buck tries to hide the not-so-subtle limp he’s sporting as he makes his way through the bay doors of the firehouse for their 24-hour shift, Eddie straggling behind with both of their duffle bags. And man Buck must not have been hiding well because Chim is jumping him within seconds.
“Hey man… Eddie have another nightmare? Need me to check out your leg,” Buck knows the man means well, but he can’t help the pink that starts to tint his cheeks before he decides to shut Chim up in the best way he knows how.
“Oh don’t worry Chim… Eddie slept like a baby,” he throws the man a quick wink and limps off… but not without catching the choke both his boyfriend and the man make as he wanders away.