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The drive home from the hospital was filled with a mix of exhaustion and anxiety. Yuta glanced in the rearview mirror at Maki, who was seated in the middle seat in the back, right beside Ayashi’s car seat. The newborn slept peacefully, unaware of the turmoil in his mother’s mind.
Maki’s face was etched with fatigue, her eyes reflecting deep worry. “How are you holding up?” Yuta asked softly, his voice filled with concern and love.
Maki’s response was a strained smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes. “Tired... and scared,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “What if I can’t do this, Yuta? What if I’m not good enough?”
Yuta kept his eyes on the road but reached a hand back, resting it gently on her knee. “Maki, you’re already doing amazing. We’re going to figure this out together, okay?”
Maki nodded, but her mind was racing with fears and doubts. She looked down at Ayashi, his tiny chest rising and falling with each breath. “He’s so small and fragile,” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “What if I hurt him? What if I can’t take care of him the way he needs?”
“Maki, look at me,” Yuta said gently, glancing at her through the mirror. “We’re a team. And I promise, we’ll get through this. You’re not alone in this. I’m right here with you, every step of the way.”
Maki’s tears began to fall, her emotions spilling over. “I’m just so scared, Yuta. I feel like I’m drowning in these feelings, and I can’t control it.”
Yuta’s heart ached seeing her like this. “It’s okay to be scared,” he reassured her. “But we’ll get through this. Let’s just take it one day at a time.”
As they approached their home, Maki took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “One day at a time,” she repeated, clinging to Yuta’s words. “I can do this.”
But as the reality of her words settled in, Maki’s anxiety spiked. Her hands began to tremble, and she felt a wave of panic wash over her. “What if I can’t, Yuta?” she said, her voice cracking. “What if I can’t do this?”
Yuta pulled into their driveway, turning off the engine and reaching for Maki’s hand. “Maki, we’ll find a way. Together. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
Maki nodded, but the doubt lingered in her eyes. “I know you are. I just... I don’t know if I can do this.”
As they stepped out of the car and approached their home, the weight of their new reality pressed down on Maki, leaving her feeling more uncertain than ever.
Once they arrived home, Yuta carefully carried Ayashi’s car seat inside while Maki followed slowly, feeling the weight of exhaustion and anxiety from childbirth. The walls of their home, once a sanctuary, now seemed to close in on her, amplifying her fears and doubts.
Yuta gently lifted Ayashi from the car seat and placed him into the bassinet in their bedroom, making sure everything was perfect for their son’s first night at home. The soft ambient light barely pierced through Maki’s haze of worry and fatigue.
She stood by the door, watching Yuta with a sense of detachment. “Thank you, Yuta,” she mumbled, her voice barely audible. “For everything.”
Yuta turned, concern etched into his features as he walked over to her. “Maki, talk to me. What’s going on in your head?”
Maki shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t know, Yuta. I feel... empty, but also so overwhelmed. I’m terrified. What if I can’t do this? What if I’m not enough for Ayashi?”
Yuta pulled her into a hug, but she remained stiff in his arms. “You’re not alone, Maki. We’re in this together. It’s okay to feel scared. We’ll learn and grow together.”
But his words seemed to echo in a vast, empty space. Maki couldn’t shake the oppressive cloud of dread that had settled over her. “It’s not just fear, Yuta. It’s... it’s like this darkness inside me. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I’m failing you both already.”
Yuta felt a pang of helplessness. “We’ll get through this. One step at a time,” he said, trying to infuse his voice with confidence he didn’t entirely feel.
Maki pulled away slightly, looking him in the eye. “What if one step at a time isn’t enough? What if I can’t get through this?”
The intensity of her words hung heavily in the room. Yuta didn’t have a quick answer. “We’ll find a way, Maki. We have to. For Ayashi.”
Maki nodded, but her hands were still trembling. “I just feel so... lost. I don’t even know where to start.”
Yuta took her hands in his, squeezing them gently. “We’ll start together. We’ll find help, and we’ll support each other. You don’t have to do this alone.”
As they stood in their bedroom, the soft sounds of Ayashi’s breathing filled the silence. Maki felt a deep, aching fear that no amount of reassurance could easily dispel. The path ahead seemed daunting and uncertain, and the weight of her new reality pressed down on her heavily.
It was 2am, and the house was steeped in silence, except for the piercing cries of Ayashi. Maki woke up with a start, her heart racing. The sound of her son’s cries filled her with a sense of panic and exhaustion.
She stumbled out of bed, feeling every bit of the fatigue from the past few days. Her body ached, and her mind was clouded with worry. As she picked up Ayashi from his bassinet, she tried to soothe him with gentle rocking and soft shushing.
“It’s okay, little one. Mommy’s here,” she whispered, her voice wavering with exhaustion. She settled into the rocking chair and tried to breastfeed him, but Ayashi refused to latch, his cries growing louder.
Frustration and anxiety bubbled up inside Maki as Ayashi continued to cry, his tiny fists waving in the air. The more she tried, the more hopeless it felt. “Please, Ayashi, please,” she pleaded, tears streaming down her face. “Why won’t you eat? What am I doing wrong?”
Yuta, awakened by the sound of Ayashi’s cries and Maki’s distress, sat up in bed. He saw the struggle etched on Maki’s face and immediately got out of bed. “Maki, let me help,” he said gently, walking over to her.
Maki’s frustration reached a breaking point. She felt utterly helpless, unable to calm her own son. “I’m failing him, Yuta,” she cried, her voice breaking. “I don’t know how to make him stop. What if I never do?”
Tears streamed down her face as she sat on the edge of the bed, her body shaking with sobs. “I don’t know how to be a mother. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m so scared and lost.”
Yuta placed Ayashi gently in the bassinet, watching as their son calmed down and drifted back to sleep. He immediately sat beside Maki, wrapping his arms around her tightly. “Maki, you’re not alone in this. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.”
Maki clung to him, her tears soaking his shirt. “I feel so helpless, Yuta. I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re doing your best, and that’s all that matters. We’ll find our way through this, step by step,” Yuta reassured her, his hand gently stroking her back. “I believe in you, and we’ll get through this together.”
Yuta held Maki close as her sobs gradually subsided. They sat together in silence, the only sound being the soft breaths of Ayashi sleeping in his bassinet. Maki's thoughts were still swirling, but she felt a tiny bit more grounded with Yuta's reassuring presence.
Maki wiped her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Yuta. I just... I don’t know how to handle this.”
Yuta shook his head, his gaze steady. “You don’t have to apologize. We’re figuring it out together. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now.”
Maki nodded, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I just want to be a good mom to Ayashi. I want to be the strong person you and he need.”
Yuta kissed the top of her head, his voice filled with unwavering support. “You’re already being strong by facing this. We’ll get through it.”
A month had passed since Yuta and Maki brought Ayashi home from the hospital. The initial whirlwind of sleepless nights and constant feedings had settled into a routine, but Maki’s struggles with postpartum depression had only intensified.
Maki found herself distancing from both Yuta and Ayashi. The once warm and inviting home now felt like a place of isolation. She spent hours alone in their bedroom, often staring blankly at the walls, her thoughts a swirl of anxiety and self-doubt.
Yuta noticed the change and grew increasingly concerned. He would often find Maki sitting alone, her eyes empty and distant. “Maki, are you okay?” he would ask, but her responses were always the same—a forced smile and a quiet, “I’m fine.”
Despite his efforts to reach out and support her, Maki continued to withdraw. She felt like a ghost in her own home, disconnected from the people she loved most. Holding Ayashi, she struggled to feel the bond she desperately wanted. Feeding times became moments of anxiety, her heart racing with the fear of not being enough for her son.
One evening, Yuta tried to bridge the growing gap. “Maki, I can see you’re struggling. Please, talk to me. Let me in,” he pleaded, his voice filled with worry and love.
Maki remained silent, her eyes fixed on the floor. Yuta’s concern deepened as he reached for her hand, but she pulled away, the weight of her emotions too much to bear.
“Maki, please,” Yuta begged, his voice trembling. “I need to know what’s going on. I’m scared for you. I’m scared for us.”
Tears welled up in Maki’s eyes, but she kept her gaze averted. The silence between them grew heavier, the distance more palpable.
Yuta’s desperation grew, his voice breaking. “I love you, Maki. I can’t stand seeing you like this. Please, talk to me. Let me help you.”
Finally, Maki’s resolve crumbled, and she broke down, her sobs filling the room. “I feel like a stranger in my own body, Yuta. I don’t know how to connect with Ayashi. I don’t know how to be what he needs.”
Yuta moved closer, his heart aching. “You don’t have to go through this alone. We can find help. We can do this together.”
Maki’s tears flowed freely as she looked at Yuta, her heart aching with the fear and doubt that had taken hold of her. The distance between them seemed insurmountable, a chasm she didn’t know how to cross. Maki’s emotions were a whirlwind of fear, guilt, and hopelessness. “Every time I look at Ayashi, I feel like I’m failing him. I don’t know how to be his mother. And with you… I’m pushing you away, but I don’t know how to stop. I’m scared of losing you both.”
Yuta’s eyes were filled with love and concern. “Maki, you’re not going to lose us. We’re here, and we love you. It’s okay to feel this way, but we need to find a way to help you through it.”
Maki shook her head, her voice a mere whisper. “I just don’t know where to start. I feel so lost, Yuta. So empty.”
Yuta took her hand again, his grip firm yet gentle. “We’ll start together. We’ll take small steps. And we’ll do it side by side. You’re not alone in this, Maki.”
A week had gone by since Yuta and Maki had their heartfelt conversation. The days were still challenging, but there was a subtle shift in Maki. She began to slowly reconnect with Yuta and Ayashi, taking tentative steps toward healing.
Maki started by spending more time in the living room with Yuta and Ayashi, instead of isolating herself in the bedroom. She would sit on the couch, watching Yuta play with Ayashi, a small smile playing on her lips.
Yuta noticed the change and gently encouraged Maki’s involvement. “Do you want to hold him for a bit?” he asked one afternoon, holding Ayashi out to her.
Maki hesitated, a mix of anxiety and longing in her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself before nodding slowly. “Okay,” she said softly, her voice tinged with apprehension.
Yuta walked over and carefully placed Ayashi in Maki’s arms. “There you go,” he whispered, his voice soothing and supportive. “You’ve got this.”
Maki held Ayashi close, her heart pounding. The warmth of his tiny body against hers brought both comfort and a flood of fears. She looked down at him, her eyes filling with tears.
Ayashi softened as he felt the familiar comfort of his mother’s embrace, his tiny face relaxing into a contented expression. His eyes fluttered open briefly, gazing up at Maki with a sense of recognition and trust.
“Hi, sweet boy,” Maki whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. “It’s Mommy. I’m here.”
Ayashi’s small fingers wrapped around one of Maki’s, holding on tightly. The baby’s calm and trust touched Maki deeply, a spark of hope igniting in her chest. She gently rocked him, feeling a connection she had feared was lost.
As she looked into Ayashi’s eyes, Maki was struck by how much they mirrored her own. Their shared amber eyes seemed to reflect a deep, intrinsic bond that transcended words. In that moment, Maki felt like she was looking into a part of herself, a connection that was both grounding and uplifting.
“You have Mommy’s eyes,” Maki said softly, her voice filled with wonder. “We’re connected, little one. You and me.”
As Yuta watched the tender moment unfold, his heart swelled with love and admiration. Seeing Maki reconnect with Ayashi after such a challenging time was more than he could have hoped for. He felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the strength Maki was showing, and a profound love for both her and their son.
He marveled at the sight of Maki holding Ayashi, her eyes filled with a mix of wonder and determination. The way she spoke to him, the gentle tone of her voice, and the love shining through her words—Yuta felt deeply moved by the raw and beautiful emotion she was expressing.
In that moment, Yuta’s thoughts were filled with an unshakeable belief in Maki. He knew that despite the struggles they had faced, her love and resilience would guide them through any storm. He silently vowed to continue supporting her, to be her rock, just as she had always been his.
Yuta’s heart ached with love as he watched Maki trace her finger along Ayashi’s tiny features. “You look just like Daddy. You have his hair and his handsome looks. You’re so perfect, my sweet boy,” she whispered, her voice filled with adoration.
Ayashi cooed softly, his gaze never leaving hers. His tiny hand tightened its grip on her finger, a small but meaningful gesture of trust and connection. Maki felt a surge of love and determination. “I promise I’ll do my best for you, Ayashi. We’ll get through this together, just like Daddy said.”
Yuta leaned in and kissed Maki’s forehead gently as they both stared down at their son. He whispered in her ear, “You’re an amazing mother, Maki. Thank you for being the perfect mother and wife.”
Maki’s heart swelled with emotion, feeling the love and support from Yuta. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with gratitude. “I couldn’t do this without you, Yuta. Thank you for believing in me.”
Yuta smiled, his eyes shining with love. “We’re in this together, Maki. Always.”