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“No,” Hawks says stubbornly.
“Yes,” Dabi insists, holding up the costume once again.
It’s a familiar item, in some ways. The khaki color is a bit one-note, and the undershirt looks like it’s made of flimsy nylon rather than the Kevlar blend of the real thing. Hawks grimaces at the sight.
“Why can’t I wear my actual uniform? This thing is gonna get ripped off of me in seconds.”
Dabi pauses, contemplating that thought with way too much enjoyment. Hawks hits him with a wing.
“I’m serious, Dabi. You guys get to keep your outfits.”
“That’s because we don’t have a million fangirls examining every inch of us down to the stitching in our boots,” Dabi counters immediately. “You gotta look fake to pull this off.”
Hawks’ grimace becomes more pronounced. “Yeah? And how many fake Hawkses have you seen with real wings?” he asks, jerking a thumb at the tense appendages at his back.
Dabi just smiles, reaching down for the other costume bag at his feet.
“Funny you should ask, pretty bird, because we found an angel costume and some red spray paint…”
Hawks stares at him, then at the feathery monstrosity he pulls from the bag.
“I hate you so much right now.”
—--
They’d done it before. With winter on the way and funds tight after All For One’s downfall, they’d had to get creative with their money-earning ventures. Mostly because banks would call heroes on them and Shigaraki’s games were expensive.
Spinner had been the one to propose it, after watching one too many YouTube videos about villain cosplayers (no, not to get new ideas for his Stain homage, fuck you, Dabi).
“Halloween is coming,” he mused while they tossed around ideas. “What if we did a haunted house and advertised it as ‘getting chased by the League of Villains’ or something?” The League stared at him, and he drew back defensively. “People dress up as us already! All we’d have to do is scare some civilians for 3,000¥ apiece, and we’d have plenty of cash for winter.”
“And Baldur’s Gate 5,” Shigaraki added, looking thoughtful.
Toga was immediately on board, volunteering to make the decorations while chatting excitedly about how good cortisol-soaked blood smelled. Compress volunteered to make the flyers, and Twice offered to post them around town.
Dabi snorted and offered to fry the hoard of heroes that would get called down on them.
But the heroes were never called.
Instead, the haunted house was lauded as a massive success, with people raving about how realistic the League costumes were and how people genuinely feared for their lives when Toga chased them with a knife, or they kept running into more Twices no matter where they turned, or when the special effects of Shigaraki’s Decay really made it look like he’d dusted a wall to get to them.
Even Dabi’s fire was a hot topic, with the blue flames being touted as very scary when wreathed around his (clearly prosthetic) scars. The comments online praised him for being able to stand the heat for so many hours at a time.
Dabi laughed at those statements, but Shigaraki didn’t.
Instead, the leader of the League grew thoughtful.
“We need to up our game next year,” he commented. “Make it more OP.”
Dabi arched an eyebrow.
“You really think we’ll survive to do this again next year?”
Shigaraki grinned, nodding at all the posts they’d been tagged in, begging them to make the haunted house a yearly thing. Lamenting that they’d missed out because they didn’t know. Posting pics of them posing with the terrifying ‘League of Villains’ actors.
“Well, with so many people asking so nicely, how could we let them down?”
—--
Against all odds, they do survive another year. And this time, they have a new ‘party member’ to join them in the haunted house (despite his protests).
“I hate this, and I hate you,” Hawks says, pointing a finger at his flimsy ‘hero Hawks’ costume he’s wearing, then at Dabi. The villain just cackles.
“Too bad, the flyers are already out, and people are dying to face down the ‘League of Villains’ alongside their hero.”
Hawks’ eyes narrow, watching Dabi mess with Toga’s lovingly made decorations featuring bloody knives and bloody needles and bloody axes and -
“You’re sleeping on the couch for a week for this,” Hawks warns, annoyed when Dabi only grins.
“Worth it, birdie. We’re making bank tonight.”
“I could just funnel you money from one of my accounts you know.”
“That’s not nearly as fun.” Dabi smirks. “Besides, you get to play fight with all of us for the precious civvies.”
“Oh?” Hawks says, interest piqued as Dabi stalks his way, menacing in the flickering lights of the haunted house.
“Uh huh,” the villain confirms, pausing to loom over Hawks. “You didn’t think I’d just let Shigaraki torture you, did you?”
Hawks considers this, meeting Dabi’s charged look with one of his own.
“I retract the couch punishment,” he says, lifting a hand to Dabi’s chest and tracing a little X over his heart. “Bring it on, hot stuff.”
—-
Later, when pictures of the haunted house emerge online, they spark a very new subculture. Specifically centered around all the shots of either ‘Dabi’ or ‘Hawks’ slamming each other into walls, snarling in each other’s faces, feathers and flames held to bared throats while threats are growled against each other’s lips.
Least to say, the requests for next year’s haunted house are through the roof, as long as 'Dabi and Hawks' participate.
(And after an entire TV series worth of events, including villain backstories going viral, the takedown of corrupt factions in the government, and a wave of motions for rehabilitation over annihilation, Dabi and Hawks do just that.)
The End.