Work Text:
Operation P.A.G.E.A.N.T
Pretty
Agent
Grudgingly
Enters
Asinine
Narcissistic
Tournament
It was the first Monday of summer vacation and the streets were filled with children. Playing ball in the parks or any area flat enough to kick a ball without it hurtling down a hill or into the street, climbing on climbing frames, sliding down slides, jumping into backyard pools or chasing the ever-illusive ice-cream truck. The weather had fully embraced the summer season, delivering a scorching heat wave to the town of Gallagher Virginia. That sweltering day found the members of Sector V; Nicole Uno, Heidi P Gilligan Junior, Kenji Sanban, Woylie Beetles and Abe Lincoln in the driveway of the Sanban residence. Numbuhs 3 and 5 were due to leave for a week-long boy scouts camping trip and Mr. Sanban had grudgingly agreed to drive them to the bust stop after Mrs. Lincoln, who was a doctor, had been called into work unexpectedly. However, if the look on his face was any indicator, Mr. Sanban would very much rather have been at work in his nice, air conditioned office instead of sitting in his hot car waiting for his son and his friend to say their goodbyes to the girls.
“We’ll be back in a week.” Abe was reminding Nicole for the hundredth time that day, as Kenji and Woylie attempted bravely to wedge Kenji’s bag into the trunk beside Abe’s. Woylie was almost certain that Kenji had packed his entire collection of Rainbowmon toys into his backpack and as a result it was much fuller and heavier than it needed to be. Rainbowmon was the anime that Kenji had dedicated about eighty percent of his personality to. The other twenty percent was devoted to sarcasm and dry remarks. That side of him, ironically, came up whenever Woylie dared question the merits of the show. Kenji seemed to have a million cutting responses for anyone who dared speak less than kindly of his favorite franchise. Thankfully in the final weeks of school he had given the Rainbowmon talk a rest in favor of constantly going on and on about the upcoming camping trip with Abe. The boys had spoken of absolutely nothing else for a fortnight and the girls were thrilled that the big day had finally come, if for no other reason than they could finally get a break from hearing about it. Granted they would probably have to hear even more about it when the boys returned. Regardless, it would be a small reprieve and their stories might fare to be more interesting than their constant giddy anticipation.
“We know, Numbuh 5.” Nicole was of the sneaking suspicion that Abe was weary of leaving them alone. It was no secret that he was by and large the dad friend of Sector V. He kept the other four in line and made sure that Nicole actually went to bed at a decent hour instead of pouring herself into her work for days and nights on end. Granted, if he didn’t remind her, Nicole would probably never go to bed at all until she collapsed like a car that was completely out of battery.
“I swear we’ll be fine.” Heidi assured but the boy gave her a deadpan look.
“I’m just saying, last time I left you two alone, you went through my brother’s things and…”
“Look, that won’t happen again.” Nicole said, although she felt a bit offended since she had been right about the items she had found in Creed Lincoln’s dresser.
“I should hope not. Just stay away from my brother. He’s already mad that he had to get a summer job. Last thing I wanna do is come home and have to deal with you guys being captured by the teens.”
“We swear we will not interfere with your brother.” Nicole held up her hand in sincerity. “Unless he interferes with us first.”
“Fine.” Abe couldn’t exactly argue with that. If his brother and his cronies came picking a fight, he expected the girls to deal with him. “But unless he’s doing something actually evil, stay away from him. No evil plans, no interventions.” He then glared directly at Nicole. “And I mean real plans, not Nicole plans!”
“When have I ever been wrong?” Nicole asked, crossing her arms in a huff.
“Numbuh 5 doesn’t have time to make a list, Numbuh 1.”
WIth one final, almighty shove, Kenji and Woylie finally managed to cram Kenji’s backpack into the trunk and shut the lid.
“Kenji! Get in this car!” His father bellowed. “Your little friend too. If you miss that bus I am not driving you six hours into the woods!” Not wanting to earn the further ire of Mr. Sanban, the boys piled into the car, which sped off so fast that it felt the smell of burnt rubber and a cloud of exhaust fumes in its wake. Woylie, who had still been standing behind it, fell over backwards from the sheer speed.
“Hey!” An irritating little voice called from one of the upstairs rooms. The girls looked up to see Kenji’s little brother, Manji sticking his head out of the window and glowering at them. “Get away from my house before I call the police!” Manji was always grounded. In fact none of them, Kenji included, could think of a time when the five-year-old wasn’t confined to his bedroom for some stunt he’d pulled either at home or kindergarten. The irate voice of Mrs. Sanban cut through the air as she reminded her son that he was to remain inside his bedroom and not speak to anyone. Manji let out an angry wail.
“But mom, there are Lloyd Errors standing in our driveway!”
Nicole supposed he meant loiterers but she wasn’t going to correct him. It was the first proper day of summer vacation and she was not going to spend it arguing with a preschooler.
“Come on girls, let’s go.” Nicole headed down the street with Heidi behind her and Woylie, who had just stood up and dusted herself off, picking up the rear. Manji took the chance to fling a crayon at the blonde girl’s back before she was too far away but she caught it in one hand and flung it back so hard that Manji scarcely had time to shut the window, where it stuck fast like an arrow in a bullseye. He let out an almighty screech and ducked away into the darkness of his room. Woylie, who was rather surprised that she had been able to do that, immediately rushed off after her teammates before Mrs. Sanban could come after her.
The girls spent the rest of the morning wandering around Gallagher square before returning to the treehouse in the early afternoon, their arms laden with bags of sweets, sodas and other various snacks. The three of them immediately flopped onto the old worn out sofa and Nicole picked up the remote.
“Oh! There’s a new episode of Miss. Creants today!” Woylie exclaimed, excitedly, earning her two very annoyed looks. Miss. Creants was a show that had popped up not long after Darby had really taken off. It was about a group of teenage girls who solved mysteries in secret and wore stylish clothes. Nicole had seen the dolls the show promoted in stores and she found their heads far too big as well the fact that their feet came off with their shoes rather disturbing. Regardless, Woylie as well as a lot of other girls and some boys were fans of the show despite the fact that Heidi reminded her over and over that the series existed for no purpose other than to sell the merchandise. Woylie argued that Rainbowmon and Yipper, the latter being Heidi’s favorite series of all time, did pretty much the same thing and that she, Woylie unlike Kenji or Heidi, didn't own so much as one doll. Meanwhile Kenji had every single Rainbowmon toy or videogame ever made, much to Woylie’s chagrin and Heidi owned not only a good few Yipper playing cards but one very impressive playset as well. Heidi always tried to argue that the playset belonged to her younger sister, Tammy but Woylie wasn’t having it. Though both Heidi and Kenji knew the reason Woylie didn’t own a single Miss. Creants doll wasn’t because she was immune to the pull of advertising, but rather because she couldn’t afford one. The Beetles family lived in the poorest part of town and both her parents worked two jobs a piece to keep the family afloat. Neither of them would ever say anything about it as it wasn’t their business but regardless, neither Heidi nor Nicole wanted to watch a T.V show based on a doll line. Nicole shook her head and flipped on a random channel, catching the middle of an episode of Round Table. Much to Woylie’s annoyance, she showed no sign of changing it and even Heidi seemed content to watch a boring drama about stuffy old KIng Arthur and his knights in the dull old dark ages. Muttering something about having better things to do, the blonde hopped off of the couch and made her way to her bedroom. Nicole and Heidi paid her no mind and watched the show. It wasn’t too bad really and after it there would most likely be something better as channel 6 switched over to cartoons every weekday at two. Finally, after fifteen minutes of clanking armor and very bad imitations of medieval english, the show ended and both girls were ready to really get a start on their afternoon. As commercials usually preceded the cartoon block, Heidi decided to take the opportunity to head to the bathroom. Nicole chose to stay and rummaged in the snack pile to grab a bag of potato chips. As she did so, a new commercial appeared on screen. The set was a bright pink stage with a glittery fairytale castle backdrop and staring into the camera was a woman. Nicole wasn’t sure what it was about the woman but her face made her exceedingly uncomfortable. She had on a lot of make-up. Her face was powdered so white that she almost looked like a mime or clown, the ruby red lips certainly didn’t help and she had on so much hot pink eyeshadow and eyeliner that her blue eyes looked enormous beneath her huge fake lashes. Her hair was long, wavy and blonde and she had on a bright pink cocktail dress and tiara. When she spoke in her sugary sweet voice, it sent goosebumps breaking out all over Nicole’s arms. It felt like dozens of tiny spiders were crawling all over her.
“Hello all you little girls out there.” She crooned. “Do you dream of being a princess? Of being glamorous and beautiful? Well now you can, with Pixie Dust Kiddie cosmetics. Designed to turn every little girl into the fabulous lady she was born to be. Say goodbye to dollies, rollerblades and videogames and say a big hello to a more elegant, more mature new you.” The woman waved a fake wand over a table covered with a bright pink cloth and suddenly an array of make ups appeared on the surface. There were powders, lipsticks, mascara, eyeliner, blush and even perfume. Nicole recognised a lot of them as items her mother owned. She also recalled her mother telling her time and time again not to use it as she was still too young. The idea of creating a make-up line directed at children was bad enough but it was the woman’s words that stuck with her. All that talk of casting aside the toys of childhood in order to look and feel more mature. Why would any kid want to do that? The woman was still talking.
“Although Pixie Dust hasn’t hit the shelves yet, one lucky girl will be fortunate enough to win a lifetime supply of it this Sunday at the Little Miss Pixie Dust Pageant, held right here at the gorgeous Gallagher mall, and be the first girl in the whole world to own a piece of the magic. So hurry up and get those entries in for your chance to prove you’re a real princess!” WIth that the commercial was over in a spray of glitter and stars and Nicole was left pondering what she had just seen. She mulled over the words of the commercial in her head, not paying attention to Yipper, which had just started, nor did she notice when Heidi slid back onto the couch beside her. In her mind it could only mean one thing.
“Pixie Dust Cosmetics turns little girls into adults!”
“What?” Heidi looked at her friend in confusion, having missed the entire commercial.
“That Miss Pixie Dust Pageant that's being held at the Gallagher Mall!” Nicole explained and Heidi finally caught on.
“Oh that! My dad wanted to enter my little sister but she was too young. Nine and up.”
“How did he hear about it?” Nicole asked in shock.
“Duh, the commercial has been running nonstop for three weeks. Where have you been?”
Nicole realized that she was clearly the only one out of the loop. Not surprising as she hardly ever watched television outside of the Kids Next Door Nightly News.
“We need to investigate that pageant and shut it down before any poor kid gets their hands on all that makeup!”
“Numbuh 1, I don’t like makeup any more than you do, but I’m sure there’s nothing going on at that pageant. It’s just another excuse for pretentious kids and pretentious parents to get together and show off how much better they are than anyone else.”
“I am telling you, there is something very wrong with that makeup. It turns children into adults!” Nicole was not backing down and her hands were shaking with so much frustration that Heidi was worried she was going to blow up the T.V behind her, Matilda style.Heidi wished Abe were around. He’d be able to talk some sense into Nicole, regardless she had to step into his shoes for the time-being.
“Okay, look. How many times have you thought that adults were doing that exact scheme?” She asked, her gaze stern behind her bright yellow goggles. Nicole wanted to argue but Heidi was right.
“Twice…” The bald girl muttered under her breath.
“And how many times have you been right?”
Nicole scowled. She did not appreciate being spoken to in such fashion by one of her own teammates. Not to mention the fact that the one time they had not expected such a plot, Nicole had taken the brunt of it.
“Does the name Ms. Uno ring a bell?” Nicole’s gaze was like ice behind her black sunglasses and Heidi fell silent. That was an incident that nobody in Sector V liked to remember.
“I…I’m sorry…” She stammered but Nicole cut her off.
“If you're not going to help me, fine.” Nicole had already made up her mind and there was nothing anybody was going to do to stop her. Not Heidi, not anyone else. “I’ll do this alone.” With that, she turned tail and headed towards her bedroom. She had a lot of plans to make in a very short time.