Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I didn’t know you were already here.”

Leo glanced up from where he was seated next to Hazel, a bashful smile on his face. “Sorry, man. They said you were busy with your fancy-schmancy praetor duties.”

“Yeah,” Frank conceded. It wasn’t like he wanted Leo to Iris-Message him in the middle of a senate meeting, especially considering it was Leo, and would probably end in disaster. But something about the indifference still bothered him.

Another thing that bothered him was how close Leo was to Hazel. Their shoulders pressed tight together, Hazel’s left hand casually resting on his right wrist. Frank didn’t even know who he was jealous of, at this point.

“But hey, it’s good to see you again, buddy,” Leo said cheerily. When Frank bent down to sit next to them, Leo clapped him on the back. 

“Yeah,” Frank said again, “it’s good to see you too. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s chill,” Leo said. For a second, he fiddled with a lock of Frank’s hair, right next to his eye. The tips of his fingers brushed against Frank’s skin, the kind of touch he would only ever do when they were alone. 

Right on cue, Leo realised that they were not alone. He snapped his hand back like Frank had a contagious disease, and smiled crookedly—it was cute, which was infuriating. 

“Sorry, you had something on your face.” Awkward. So awkward. That was cute too.

“Oh, thanks,” Frank muttered. To break the tension that was threatening to boil, he leaned over and raised his voice, making it clear he was talking to Hazel. “Hey, are we still on for tomorrow?”

Leo’s expression flattened, at that, and Frank was satisfied. He was used to it, this game of chicken, trying to get the other to admit that they cared. Not only that, but over the year he had gotten pretty good at it too.

Look, I spend time with her. We have plans. You don’t. He didn’t even know what it was supposed to prove beyond that or what it meant, but it succeeded in annoying Leo.

“Aww, I’m not invited?” Leo cooed as his counterattack. Frank just snorted.

“We’re going to be teaching the newer campers swordfighting basics and tips in a special lesson,” Hazel laughed, seeming to take joy in the way Leo’s cheeks reddened in embarrassment. Frank could understand that.  “I guess you could come, but you’d have to be a student, Leo.”

“Um. I think I’m good. These hands were made to hold wrenches and hammers, not your brutal degenerate weapons of war,” Leo sniffed, holding up his gloved hands. They were stained with oil and grime, as usual. 

It managed to make Frank laugh though, and his irritation melted away. “Big pacifist, are you?” 

“Huge one.” Leo returned his grin, and all the animosity vanished like dust, evaporated into the air. Nothing more than a silly, stupid game they played. 

Yeah. He missed this. The teasing, the back-and-forth, the happy smile on Leo’s face like prize money for the winner. He missed Leo—all the time, even when they were right next to each other like this.

“Hey, do either of you know what time it is?” Hazel asked, and upon Leo showing her his pocket watch, she hummed and got up. “It’s five already? Time for me to feed the horses.”

As a Praetor, she really didn’t need to be doing that. But she enjoyed it. Frank supposed it wasn’t any harm to let her do it, especially since it was one of the more difficult chores.

Pegasi were erratic and picky—some horses could be troublesome around strangers—and on the occasion that Arion was there, well, that thing was a demon.

“If it’s five, I also have a mission report to attend to,” Frank said, dragging the bench back as he stood up. Leo looked up at him, pouting. 

“Both of my bros leaving me at the same time,” he whined. “What am I supposed to do? After I made the long trip here? They’re so cruel…”

“Oh, shut up,” Frank and Hazel said in unison, and Leo snickered. 

He swung his legs out and stood up himself, brushing the dust off his pants. “I’ll go hang with Festus, then. He’s probably getting restless right about now, maybe we’ll have a fly around. Yes ,” he said when Frank opened his mouth, “I’ll be careful around the flags, Mister Praetor.”

Frank sighed fondly. “I trust you. Don’t make me regret it.”

Leo straightened and saluted seriously, before jogging off. A second later Hazel waved bye and left for the stables, and Frank started walking too. Stiffly, like he was on autopilot.

This was typical. He couldn’t get it out of his mind: the way Leo looked in the dimming sunlight, his downturned eyes and the way his hands fidgeted as he talked. His hair was longer now, curling at the bottom of his neck. When it swayed, Frank could catch sight of the mole seated perfectly in the middle of his nape—it was satisfying to kiss. 

God. It was too early in the day to be thinking about this. Frank rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms, as if it would force the thoughts away.

It wasn’t any wonder why seeing him made Frank’s brain go into overdrive. Ever since he’d moved into the Waystation to live with his new family, Frank had seen him even less and less. Living across the country made it hard to see each other.

When he was away, which was most of the time, Frank didn’t think about him. Or at least he tried not to. And sometimes it worked. Sometimes there were days where he could forget about Leo entirely. 

(Sometimes he was all Frank could think about. Like what is he doing right now? Does he think about me? Or if he and Calypso had gotten back together. If he’d completed the projects he talked about the last time he’d visited.)

(If he was happier. Without Frank. Not that he cared.)

But as soon as he came back, it was like everything righted itself. It was as if the world had been at an odd angle the entire time, and Frank had grown used to that, but as soon as he saw Leo again it went back to the way it was supposed to be. 

All of this was useless, however, because neither of them would ever admit it. Frank certainly never would, and he knew Leo wouldn’t either. Because what was there to do about it?

Yeah, it was better this way. Even if he felt like a dog licking scraps up from the floor—it was fine like this.

It was for the best.

Frank was late to his mission report.

Night had long since fallen by the time Frank got back to his room. Sometimes he slept at his desk, but not today. His heart thumped with every step closer to his door.

He tried to tamp down the feeling, distracting himself by shrugging off his cloak. Maybe if he convinced himself that he didn’t care, that he wasn’t waiting for it, then he’d get lucky.

The room was dark when he opened the door, but the low light from the hallway spilled in. There was a silhouette on his bed, the faint outline of a body, and it shifted at the sudden brightness.

“Took you long enough,” Leo said. 

Frank felt blindly for the light switch—he’d lived in this room for two years, he knew where it was, but something about his body felt so off-kilter it took him a solid ten seconds. Leo winced when the lights turned on, scrunching his eyes nearly shut.

“What are you doing sitting alone in the dark?” Frank said. “You’re trying to be some kind of cryptid?”

“No, that’s your job.” Leo yawned. Frank stepped over Leo’s boots and shucked off his own, pushing them neatly against the wall. “I got bored waiting for you. Your room’s as dull as ever. Is interior design not part of the Praetor job description?”

It wasn’t that his room looked bad, but Leo was right—it was extremely plain. Frank didn’t know what to do about that. In one corner were his weapons, on the shelves his books, and there was little in the way of decoration except for his stuffed animals and one framed photo of his mother sitting on the desk.

He never even worked at the desk. It was dusty and empty. The whole thing was cramped, but Frank at least appreciated the Praetorial luxury of his own living space. 

All this to say, he didn’t much care about the state of his room. It only really mattered when Leo was in it.

“How was the trip here?” Frank asked. 

“Fine. Boring. Weather’s okay this time of year, so Festus had a nice time.” While Leo talked, Frank sat down on the bed next to him, keeping his distance so they didn’t touch. “How have things been here?”

Frank shrugged. They were both acting casual, like they weren’t thrumming with anticipation, like they were trying to put off the inevitable. “Yeah. Nothing crazy,” he said, mostly because he couldn’t remember anything notable when Leo was so close. “Lots of paperwork. Lots of routine. Lots of punishment.”

“Punishment?” Leo laughed. “Giving or taking?”

“Giving. Obviously… ”

Frank was on the edge of his seat. Literally. His ass was nearly half off the bed at this point.

“Obviously,” Leo repeated. “If I were you, I’d probably go cuckoo. Dealing with these people all the time. Isn’t it boring?”

Another shrug. They were closer now, though neither of them wanted to take the blame, and everything in between consequently felt different. As if the molecules in the air were shifting alongside them.

“Well, they’re my people. I care about them, so it’s not really boring…” When Frank looked up, Leo’s eyes were boring into his. He raised his eyebrows. “But it’s tiring. I guess. I mean, I’d rather hang out with you.”

“ Oh yeah? You mean it?” Now they were glittering with amusement, not unlike when he watched Festus play with some mechanical toy he invented. 

This time, it was Frank to throw in the towel. He slid onto the ground and rested his head against Leo’s thigh, the touch electric even with fabric between. Almost immediately Leo’s hand found his hair, stroking gently.

“Don’t be such a pain in the ass,” Frank murmured, “you know I mean it.”

The headache Frank didn’t even realise he had subsided under Leo’s touch. His eyes fluttered shut. “Aw, you tired? Poor baby.”

Though his voice was loaded with sarcasm, Frank’s mouth quirked into a smile, and he chose to take it seriously. “Exhausted.”

“Too exhausted to kiss me?”

Frank’s eyes snapped open. He glared at Leo, angry at being caught off-guard, as the other laughed sweetly. It was a nice sound, and something Frank missed when Leo wasn’t around.

(Well, it was everything about him. Everything. His laugh was just one of those things.)

He propped himself up on his knees. “Of course not.”

“I’ve been waiting for it all day. I thought you were—” his smile faded a bit at this, “—I thought you were going to jump me when you first saw me. With Hazel. Really gave me flashbacks.”

“Not about that anymore,” Frank said, flushing to remember the time from when they first met. Now that it was years later, it all seemed too inane.

“Yeah,” Leo agreed, “but still.”

“I wouldn’t kiss you in public,” Frank said, feeling like it was something that had to be clarified, even though it was a subject neither of them enjoyed. He didn’t have to state the reason—there would be too many.

It would be pretty scandalous for a Praetor, it would be too much of a hassle to explain everything, it would just make things complicated for Leo. Pick your poison, clear winner, no debate needed. They didn’t need reminding of why it was off limits.

(The biggest reason was that it would make it feel real. Like it was something that actually happened instead of a fleeting fever dream.)

“Okay,” Leo said, the lack of a witty response unnerving. He looked annoyed.

Sometimes it was fun to annoy Leo, to turn the tables a little bit. This was not one of those times. In an effort to appease him, Frank leaned up and pressed their lips together—chaste, soft like an apology.

Though Leo hmph -ed at first, it worked. Maybe he was just too tired to fight, but eventually he gave in, melting into Frank’s touch and kissing him back.

Now this was familiarity. This was everything sliding into place. When Frank pushed his chin forward just slightly, Leo obediently let his mouth fall open. The feeling of his hot breath made Frank shiver.

Leo wasn’t great at kissing. He usually just let Frank take control, do whatever he wanted, which made Frank wonder whether he was that way with Calypso too. Did he like it as much, when he kissed her? Was he as satisfied?

Probably not. Is what Frank thought to make himself feel better.

When they separated, Leo rolled his eyes. “Typical,” he snipped, although he was blushing. He shifted back onto the bed until his back hit the head, and Frank followed, clambering up himself.

“Ïf you don’t want to, you can just say so.” A masterful bluff. There was no way Leo didn’t want to. “Then I’ll stop.”

True to his suspicions, Leo didn’t take him up on the offer. Instead he said, “you know, Jo and Emmie told me it’s bad to be too attached to your partner.”

Well, maybe they don’t know what it’s like when your partner lives across the country and also isn’t really your partner, Frank wanted to snap. He hated when Leo brought up his new friends, his normal life.

Just because he wanted Leo to be happy didn’t mean that he had to be happy hearing about it.

But he couldn’t say any of those things. In fact, he felt a little bad for even thinking it. So instead of a response he ducked down and kissed Leo again, this time on his jawline. It was easier than talking.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Leo grumbled.

“I’m just making the most of the time I’ve got,” Frank said innocently. 

Giving up on conversation, Leo wrapped his arms around Frank’s neck. “Then stop talking, ” he hissed, as if he wasn’t the one who’d been chattering the entire time. 

Usually Frank would call him out on that. Or he’d snap back, an annoyed furrow in his brows. But—and this was a rare occasion—Frank wasn’t feeling combative enough to do that. He’d missed Leo too much.

So instead he sighed fondly and said, “okay.” And kissed him again.

When the crowd of younger legionnaires dispersed to pair up and spar, Leo sidled up to Frank. He hadn’t participated in the training at all, but for some reason he was still sweaty.

It made his skin gleam, made it look almost golden. The drops of sweat slid down his neck and onto his collarbone, jutting out due to his scrawniness, and then disappeared beneath his slightly damp shirt.

Frank swallowed. Whatever.

“You looked cool out there,” he said. “I don’t know how you swing that thing around so easily. It’s so heavy. You and Hazel both.”

“Maybe you’d understand if you hit the gym,” Frank said, the words familiar on his tongue. Leo raised his eyebrow, but if disapproval was what he was aiming for, it was ruined by the smile that split across his face.

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe. What would you do if I got buffer than you, hm?” 

Just the mental image made Frank laugh. His hand came up to pat Leo on the shoulder comfortingly, like someone about to break some bad news.

“That… is never going to happen,” he said, a bit smug. “Besides, I like you just fine like this.”

Skinny body. Lean muscles. The lines of his ribs. Small enough that Frank could palm his head like a basketball, which he did do when he was trying to piss Leo off.

“Well, if you’re sure, then I guess I won’t bother.” Though he tried to act nonchalant, it was hard for him to hide the flustered look in his eyes. “You know, to protect your sense of masculinity. So you can feel like more of a man.”

“Of course.”

They both laughed. Frank much preferred the sound of Leo’s to his own, though. Maybe he’d been brainwashed into thinking that with how talkative he was, but Leo spoke so sweetly, cute in its relentless speed, the slight hoarseness charming. And when he laughed, it was even more obvious, reverberating perfectly out of his chest.

Frank’s voice by comparison was… awful. Almost hard to listen to. It was too deep, gruff, and yet still so prone to cracking. Which Leo liked to make fun of him for. 

He turned his eyes away from Leo to survey the others. They were a bit awkward in their movements, but they were Romans. They’d get it soon. 

“You should teach a workshop of your own soon,” Frank suggested before he could stop himself. “I mean, fighting’s not your expertise, but you’re really good at what you do. I bet you could teach the Vulcan kids a thing or two.”

Leo shuffled from foot to foot like he was considering the idea, and didn’t like it. “I dunno. It’s not a bad idea, I guess. But I’m not sure if I should.”

“Why not? You’re really smart, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself…”

That was the wrong thing to say. There was a wrinkle between Leo’s eyes, almost imperceptible to the normal person but obvious to Frank. It meant he was upset, or judgmental, and both made Frank’s stomach twist. Suddenly he felt as if he was burning alive.

Before he could apologise for whatever transgression there was, Leo shrugged. “That’s not really the problem.”

“Okay…” Frank wished he would say what the problem was.

“I don’t know if you forgot, but the people here aren’t exactly my biggest fans.” Leo laughed humourlessly. “Talk about bad taste… but that’s how it is. And you can’t really blame ‘em.”

Right. Of course. Frank kicked himself internally for not thinking of that. Though Camp Jupiter had been destroyed and rebuilt half a dozen times by now, the people seemed to never forget what Leo had done. Even being a close friend of the Praetor’s didn’t do much to deter the repulsion. Leo being Greek surely didn’t help the situation either.

It was coming back to Frank now, a memory from Leo’s last visit. When he’d smiled wanly and said what he always said— I don’t belong here. You know I don’t. 

“Oh, yeah,” Frank said stupidly, “well, I could be there. They’d probably be more receptive. If you really wanted, I could…”

“Well, I don’t ‘really want to’,” Leo interrupted, inspecting the fingertips of his gloves. “Stop trying to involve me with them, dude. It won’t work.”

Was it so wrong to want that? Was it so wrong to want the two things he loved the most to live in the same world, to be intertwined with each other just like they were with him? Everyone in New Rome, and Leo—didn’t they both need Frank? Didn’t he need them just as much? They were the same in that sense.

Or maybe that was too selfish. Too much to ask. When he was young, his grandmother liked to repeat a saying, every time he wanted for one too many things. You can’t have your cake and eat it as well, Fai.

At the time he’d rolled his eyes. But maybe she was right.

“Sorry,” Frank murmured. He hated this, when he landed on just the wrong landmine to make Leo get that look on his face. The morose, trying-not-to-look-upset one. 

He wanted Leo to pet his head and say that of course he was forgiven, of course he knew Frank was just trying his best, and yes, of course he still loved him, even though they could never be together. If Frank just knew for certain that the love existed, that it was there, then it would be enough.

But Leo just averted his eyes, the impossible dream scattered to pieces. 

Just as he was about to say something else, anything, it didn’t matter what so long as Leo stopped looking like that—a legionnaire rushed up to him, panting and excited.

“Praetor,” he wheezed, “we wanted to ask you about something, one of the stances… can you come over and show us? Please?”

On any other day Frank would’ve accepted happily. This wasn’t any other day. He looked over to Leo, helpless, hesitant. Leo waved his left hand, the right reaching into his toolbelt like he was already done with Frank and moving on to something else.

“Go on, Praetor.” The name sounded mocking coming from him. “Do your thing.”

Frank had no choice but to obey. When he was done teaching, and he looked back to where they had been standing, Leo was already gone.

There was no one around, so it was okay. Frank rocked back on his heels; checking, double-checking, triple-checking, until he was sure he was alone.

Frank didn’t remember how he started or why, but he did remember how awkward it had been doing this the first few times around. Fumbling with the lighter, thumb flinching away from the fire, holding the thing in place long enough for it to catch.

It was natural now, though. Flick it on, hold, release, all in a matter of seconds. Frank shoved the lighter and box back into his pocket, as deep as it would go, like that would erase the wrongness of his actions.

He pinched the cigaratte between his lips. A second later, he caught it between his fingers and pulled it away, inhaling the smoke. Relief flooded through his chest, his brain; like his whole body was thanking him.

Ever since Leo had arrived, Frank hadn’t smoked at all. It made him feel guilty. No one really approved of it, but Hazel and Reyna didn’t much care, and he covered the smell up with countless mints and thorough bodily hygiene.

Leo, though. He cared. It wasn’t about the smell, apparently, he just hated seeing Frank do something so gross.

Doesn’t match your good-boy image, he’d said.

But Frank knew he just cared about how bad it was for his health. As if it mattered. When Frank died, it was going to be on the battlefield from one too many injuries. Not lung cancer or a heart attack.

It was nice, though. Frank would play along, apologise, and he really would feel ashamed. He liked to pretend that they weren’t made for death, just like everyone else did.

Another cloud of grey, another inhale. This way, thinking of where he had to be and what he had to do the next day didn’t stress him out too much. The heavy workload didn’t seem as insurmountable. 

He dropped his head on the railing of the balcony just as he heard a creaking sound behind him. Frank whipped around, pressed the cigarette hurriedly against his cloak to put it out, but it was too late. Leo was already leaning against the doorway, an impassive look on his face.

“Relax,” he drawled, “what am I, your mom? ”

Though he didn’t look angry, that didn’t stop Frank from squirming. He didn’t want Leo to be disappointed in him—especially considering what had happened the other day during the swordfighting lessons. 

Being completely honest, Frank still didn’t know what he’d said wrong that day. 

“Relight that shit, you look so dumb,” Leo said. 

Frank reached into his pocket, but Leo was faster. He tipped forward and bent down, clenching his hand into a fist and conjuring a small fire on his thumb. The flames licked at the end of the extinguished cigarette, and it came back to life.

“You didn’t have to,” Frank murmured, still unsure.

“ Thank you, Leo, for encouraging my disgusting habits ,” Leo mocked in an impression of Frank. A bad one, at that. His voice really wasn’t that deep. “Just smoke, for god’s sake.”

Despite feeling like he shouldn’t, Frank brought the thing back to his mouth. Leo walked up next to him, resting his elbows on the railing, closing his eyes and letting the wind blow through his hair.

Pretty. He looked so pretty. Like an elf from a fairytale, like something unreal. Like something too good to be true.

“How’d you even find me?” Frank asked. Nobody ever went here, to the empty inn near the back borders of New Rome. Hazel had the stables, Reyna had the Garden of Bacchus—this was Frank’s alone time place.

“I asked Hazel and she said you were done with work for the day,” Leo explained, “and you weren’t in your room—and you weren’t training—so you were here. You took me here once.”

“Oh. I… did.” It was more of a question than a confirmation.

Leo rolled his eyes. “Yeah. You waffled on about the Senate and then we made out. Remember?”

Actually, now that he was thinking about it, Frank did remember. That had been a stressful day. He recalled the difficult Senate meeting about mortal relations and camp borders more than he did being with Leo. Why did his brain like getting rid of the good things?

“Kinda,” Frank said. He tapped his fingers against the railing, feeling himself blush prematurely. “So… you wanna… uh. Do it again? Like… refresh my memory?”

“No. I really don’t give a shit about you Romans and your politics.”

“Not that part,” Frank said exasperatedly.

Finally, Leo cracked a smile, the mischievous one that meant he was having fun annoying people. Usually, that would annoy Frank in turn, but now it was just a relief to see him back to his normal self.

“Only if you brush your teeth. And use mouthwash. You taste so nasty when you’ve been sucking on cancer sticks.”

“But I don’t have toothpaste. Or a toothbrush. Or mouthwash,” Frank rattled off, “there isn’t even a working sink here, or any water.”

“Sucks to be you, then, doesn’t it?” Leo grinned, the sharp edge of his canine snaggletooth making him look wolfish. So this was his punishment for smoking. Well, it was fine. He’d accept it for now, as long as Leo wasn’t angry at him.

For a moment, it was silent. It should’ve ended there, the whole ordeal, but Frank couldn’t get it out of his mind. 

No matter how unbothered Leo looked now, the voice in his head didn’t shut up. The one that told him that if he messed up again, Leo would get on his dragon and leave for good. 

It’s not like anyone you love ever sticks around, the voice reminded him.

“Did I say something wrong the other day?” Frank blurted out before he could think about it. Leo looked taken aback. “During swordfighting practice. I don’t know. We were talking, and you looked… upset.”

Leo blinked. Then he laughed. Incredulously. “That? Dude. You’re hung up over that? Who cares anymore? Definitely not me.”

“I was just… worried.”

“Well, worry no more. I really don’t care.” He twisted to face Frank, propping his cheek up with his hand, elbow on the railing. There was something soft in his downturned eyes, something affectionate. “Honestly, it’s kinda cute how you keep trying. You know, with me and Camp Jupiter, it’s never gonna work, but you try anyway. That’s just like you.”

Frank wasn’t sure whether that was a compliment. It was hard to tell with Leo. “If you want something, you don’t give up on it,” he opted to say instead. “Besides, if I came to Camp Half-Blood, it wouldn’t be that much different.”

“You at Camp Half-Blood would be a disaster. You need something to rule over. It’s in your nature to be bossy.”

“No it isn’t,” Frank lied. “Besides… you like it. Right?”

“If you aren’t bossy, then how can I like it? Which one is it, Zhang?”

Maybe the cigarette had also robbed him of his wit. “Just shut up, Valdez,” he retorted, which was basically the same as admitting defeat. Leo let out a crowing laugh.

Once he was done, Leo just smiled. It looked a little sad, but mostly content. “That’s just the way things are,” he said, as if it needed any explaining. “Greek and Roman. Not meant to be together. All that jazz.”

The cigarette was nothing but a stub now. Frank pressed it against his bare skin to feel something, but all he felt was a slight tingling.

“I’d make it better for you if I could,” Frank said painfully.

“Ah. You’re powerful, but you can’t do everything. There are some things you just can’t invent—trust me, I’d know.” Leo moved closer, leaning his head against Frank’s shoulder. “Don’t overthink it. I’m here now.”

But not forever. Frank closed his eyes, rubbed them. He wanted to cry, which was something he thought often, but his eyes didn’t know how to. 

“As long as you’re happy,” Frank said. “Over there.”

Leo’s eye twitched. It was kind of satisfying to successfully strike his sore spot. “Sure am,” he said. 

“I have toothpaste and all that other stuff back in my room,” Frank said; partly because he wanted to change the subject, partly because the disgruntled expression on Leo’s face was cute and he wanted to kiss him already. “Let’s go back.”

“Hmm.” Leo leaned against the railing, stretching like a cat. His skin looked almost golden in front of the sunset. “You can do it right here if you promise not to smoke again. At least while I’m around.”

“Promise.” The response was immediate. “Swear it. On my life.”

“That doesn’t mean much, but fine. Come over here. You better not—”

Whatever he was about to say was swallowed by Frank’s lips. It was nice to hear him talk, but it was also nice to shut him up.

It did refresh Frank’s memory. But somehow it was better the second time around.

“Frank, do you think you’re happy?”

The paperwork sat on the desk, waiting to be finished. Hazel was holding her pen, but she simply stared blankly at the pages, as if she wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

“Right now? I mean… I’m okay?” Frank answered, unsure if Hazel was trying to have a meaningful conversation. “Can someone really be happy if they’re doing paperwork? …Heh.”

Though the corner of her mouth twitched, Hazel didn’t laugh along. Maybe the joke was just bad. “No, I mean, in general. Like, where you’re at right now… your life. Are you happy?”

“Oh.” Frank leaned back in his chair. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Of course he was. Everything was good. The war was over, every prophecy fulfilled. Camp Jupiter was happy and he was its leader. There would always be enemies, but he’d destroy them all. And he liked that. He liked doing it.

Leo was happy, too. Living a good life with good friends and a good family. In a workshop where he could build and create anything he wanted, and a smoking-hot girlfriend , even if they broke up every other month. 

But that didn’t matter that much to them, did it? Relationship troubles weren’t so bad as long as you weren’t fighting for your life every day. 

Everyone had found their place. Everything was good. Of course Frank was happy.

“There’s nothing you would change?” Hazel asked, something wistful in her voice. She looked distant, detached, like her mind wasn’t entirely there. 

His heart knew the answer before his mind did. Leo, living across the country. Leo, with that sick sad smile on his face. Leo, always running away. Always leaving Frank behind. 

What would he give to have Leo by his side for the rest of forever? To finally slot in the last, most important piece of the perfect puzzle?

“Maybe there are some things I would change,” Frank muttered, trying to avoid the truth without lying. “But for the most part, I’m happy. I like being Praetor, I like helping people. And I have all of you by my side. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

“When you put it that way,” Hazel sighed, giving a wan smile. Frank figured she was tired from all the work. 

He waited for her to continue, to say something else that would explain what was wrong or why she’d asked the question. Yet all Hazel did was turn back to her document—not writing or even reading it, but staring at it like it owed her money. Frank tilted his head, contemplated what to say, waffled back and forth in his mind.

If she was feeling down, he wanted to make her feel better. He couldn’t do that without knowing the cause. “What’s wrong?” He asked. “I mean, why’d you ask that?”

“Just wondering, I guess.” Hazel twisted her fingers together. “It’s just that… I don’t feel like… like I’m satisfied. And I know I shouldn’t say that, ‘cause I’m the lucky one to still be alive—but I can’t help it. I can’t help it.”

“Hey, hey.” Frank placed his hand on Hazel’s back, firm and comforting. “You shouldn’t feel bad for your own emotions. It’s okay. Why do you… feel like that?”

She took a shaky breath. “I don’t know, ” she muttered, “it’s just… ever since… Jason. I kept wondering. If he ever lived the life he wanted to.”

“Oh.” Out of the two of them, Hazel had always been the one to be closer to Jason. He wasn’t sure what to say—what would make her feel better. It was the same with Leo, except he was even less inclined to bring up Jason. “And that made you think about… your own life?”

“Whether I’m happy,” Hazel said, “whether I’m making the most out of this whole… second chance at life.”

“You don’t like being Praetor? I mean, I understand,” he said, even though he didn’t. Even though the very idea of it felt foreign to him, ridiculous. “It’s tiring, and a lot of hard work. But you really aren’t… happy at all?”

Hazel shrugged. “It’s not that I’m miserable all the time. It’s just… is this it? Is this all?”

Frank didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know what would help. Even after all this time, all he’d done just to protect her, he was failing again. Always lacking , his grandmother’s voice echoed in his head, never enough. Typical.

“If you don’t want to be Praetor, then you can step down,” Frank said. He thought about how the Senate would react, the ensuing work he’d have to shoulder, and he winced—but that was fine. As long as Hazel was happy, he would carry anything. “You shouldn’t feel pressured. I’m sorry I… didn’t notice before.”

“It’s okay.” The look on Hazel’s face didn’t change. Frank wanted to reach out and tear away all the ghosts haunting her, all the shadows lurking in her head that had yet to leave. “Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m just tired.”

The aching in Frank’s heart said otherwise. He laid his hand over hers, forcing her to drop the pen. It landed on the table with a clack, and he brushed all her paperwork over to his side. Her eyes widened with surprise, and she turned to look at Frank in question.

“I’ll take care of all of this. Consider it a day off.” Although this was paperwork for the week, so it was more like a week off. “Really. You go have fun—do something—or just sleep if that’s what you want. Think about your decision. What you want to do.”

Maybe a part of Frank was still hoping that she’d change her mind. He wanted her there, right next to him, but it wouldn’t be the same at all if she was unhappy. 

(Why was it so much to ask for him to have both? Why did it seem like people could only be happy if they were leaving him?)

“Frank…” She said, though her lips were already curving into a smile. Frank wanted to cry out of relief, the way the gentle joy shone through her eyes. “Thank you. You’re so… you’re always…”

She didn’t finish her sentence. She just threw her arms around him and squeezed. “It’s no problem. You know it’s what I live for,” Frank said, words muffled into her hair. “Just enjoy it. That’s all I ask.”

“I’ll try my best,” she agreed. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

He nodded in return as she walked out the heavy doors, which swung shut behind her with a loud thud. Frank smiled down at his papers, pleased with himself that he could make her happy if only for a moment. If only for a day. But he’d do it as many times as he needed to. 

For a few seconds, all he could hear was the crackling of the fire from the lanterns. The sound was soothing, calming, almost made him a little sleepy.

No sleep for him tonight, though. He had a whole stack of documents to get through. But it was fine. Everyone else was happy, so he was happy too.

Why Leo decided to do this in Frank’s room was a mystery. 

He certainly hadn’t expected Frank to walk in on him—which was ridiculous, again, it was his room —based on the wide-eyed look on his face. The Iris-Message shimmered in the air in front of him where he was sat on Frank’s bed.

“Oh, shit,” Leo whispered to Frank, “sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t think you’d be home so soon. Do you want me to, like…”

“No,” Frank said, “it’s fine. Go on.”

Leo looked hesitant, but he looked back to the IM. Frank didn’t recognise the voices echoing from it, but he had a pretty good guess of who it could be. 

“Sorry, that was just my friend Frank. I told you about him, remember? He’s the Praetor of Camp Jupiter,” Leo explained, and Frank couldn’t help but sigh. He wasn’t in the mood to be reminded of how good Leo’s life was without him. And he doubted he’d ever be in the mood.

Despite the annoyance itching at his brain, Frank leaned forward, bending down to be level with Leo and the Iris Message. “Hello. Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” 

“This is Emmie. Short for Hemithea.” The archer. The one that wasn’t a mechanic. Probably. He tried his best to recall what Leo had said about her. 

“Ah… yes. It’s nice to meet you.” Was it really? “I’ve heard a lot about you.” Not that he remembered any of it.

“Better be good things,” she teased, looking pointedly at Leo.

He flushed and nodded. “Yeah—of course. Come on, you know I wouldn’t…”

She laughed again. It was a nice laugh, all motherly and gentle, but nothing like Leo’s. “Yes, yes, I know. I’ve heard good things about you as well, Frank. Our boy always talks about you at home, don’t you, Leo?”

This time Leo blushed red all the way down to the roots of his hair. He pressed his lips together and pouted, and Frank felt himself cheer up. When Leo looked to him as if to deny it, Frank grinned. “Oh, you do?”

“I don’t,” Leo said, nose twitching like a bunny’s, “I just mention you sometimes. She’s exaggerating. I talk about you just as much as I talk about everyone else.”

“Here I thought I was special,” Frank said lightly, “that hurts, Leo…”

He never called Leo by his first name, but Emmie had done it, and now Frank felt compelled to do the same. (When in Rome, do as the Romans do, or whatever they said.) With his hand on Leo’s shoulder, he could feel the slight shiver that went through him when Frank said it. “Yeah, well… you’re not.”

Frank wanted to lean down and kiss him right then and there, but he hadn’t forgotten who was watching. Another twinge of annoyance ran through him. It wasn’t that he had a problem with her as a person; she seemed like a wholly kindhearted and caring woman, the type of woman you’d wish was your mother, open and sweet. 

It was just what she represented, that was all. Where she was from. The other side of Leo’s life—the better one. The one that he’d always return to.

“You know I’m just teasing you,” Emmie said, the corners of her eyes squeezing up as she beamed. “Anyway, as I was saying… Lit is doing well. Keeping himself busy. There sure isn’t a lack of things to take care of around here!”

“I know. I’ll be back soon to help out, don’t worry,” Leo promised, and Frank frowned, an oddly painful pang in his heart.

Of course Leo was going to leave. What other option was there? For him to stay? Silly. Stupid. Frank busied himself with taking off his cloak.

“What about… Callie?” It was clear that Leo was trying to be nonchalant and failing. Frank was trying to make it look like he didn’t care—he was probably also failing. “Has she visited from band camp?”

“She came around just a week ago, stayed for the weekend,” Emmie hummed. Her voice was less cheery. It esemed everyone knew what a sensitive topic this was, how fragile their relationship. Frank wished they would just break up for good and be done with it, but maybe he was biased. “She seems happy.”

“Did she say anything about me?”

Oh, so you care, Frank thought. He slammed his cloak onto the coat rack harder than necessary, its base wobbling precariously. 

“Hm, she asked where you were. I told her, of course, and I said that she should just Iris-Message or call if she wanted to talk to you.” Emmie tilted her head, a look of pity in her eyes. “But it seems she hasn’t.”

An unintentional, almost subconscious smirk grew on Frank’s face at that. He hid it by preoccupying his mouth with taking off his gloves, biting at the fabric hem and ripping them off. So Calypso hadn’t called… their relationship was still on the rocks. 

Well, Frank pretty much knew that already. As much as he hated feeling like the second resort, he knew by now that Leo wouldn’t do this if he and Calypso were happily together. The guilt would probably eat him up from the inside.

That was one of the things he loved about Leo. Unfortunately.

“It’s no big deal. I’ll talk to her when I get home, or maybe I’ll go and visit her myself,” Leo said, his twitching hands betraying his fake nonchalance. Emmie couldn’t see that, though. Only Frank could. “I think I’m gonna go now.”

“Yes, go play with your friends,” Emmie chuckled. “We miss you, Leo. I’ll see you soon.”

“I miss y’all too,” Leo said, voice soft like he was coaxing a small animal out of its hiding place. Or maybe it was more like he was the scared prey. “See ya.”

He waved his hand through the Iris Message, and it was broken, dissipating into the air. Frank looked at him, tried to decipher the expression on his face. 

“You miss them, huh,” he deadpanned.

“A little,” Leo admitted, “but it’s not that… well… I mean, I came here for a reason.”

I came here for you. The words hung unsaid in the air. Frank stepped forward, putting one of his knees up on the bed, the mattress and blankets shifting and rustling under his weight. Leo scooted back to make space for him.

“If you want to go, then just go,” Frank said, knowing Leo would rebut it. Knowing that sweet, indignant look would appear on his face as he tried to play it all cool. 

Leo sniffed, the frown on his face transparently false. The corners of his mouth were even twitching, like he was struggling not to laugh. “If you wanted me gone that badly, you could’ve just said so,” he said tearily.

Frank rolled his eyes, though he couldn’t help his small smile. “Oh, come on. Aren’t you aching to go back to your little foster family and your machines and your super-hot girlfriend?”

With a huff, Leo tugged on Frank’s arm, and Frank relented, leaning forward to sink onto the bed next to Leo. “What’s wrong? You jealous?” Leo cooed. 

“Um, yeah,” Frank scowled. 

“Don’t worry. You’re super-hot too,” Leo said comfortingly, rolling over to rest his head on Frank’s arm.

“But…”

“No buts.” A reluctant expression appeared on his face, eyebrows stitched together as if he were deciding on something. He poked Frank’s cheek in thought. “I’ve been thinking about it… I feel like I might break up with her. For good.”

Shock made Frank sit up, throwing Leo off his arm with a grunt. His heart felt like it was ballooning in his chest. “You’re fucking with me.”

A cute giggle spilled out of Leo’s mouth. “Nah. I’m for real. Our relationship isn’t what it used to be. Or maybe it… was never what I thought it was.” His face grew sad, though the smile remained, making the shadows under his eyes look all the more prominent. “And I can’t help but think… eh. Never mind.”

“What? Just say it,” Frank demanded, annoyed. He craned his neck to look back at Leo, the soft flutter of his eyelashes up close.

“It’s gonna inflate your ego,” Leo whined.

“It needs inflating,” Frank said, the irritation turning into giddy anticipation now that he knew Leo was trying to talk about him. “Come on, tell me.”

Leo exhaled. “When I’m with her, I think about you,” he said, giving in, and Frank’s heart stuttered. “I just can’t help it. You’re like a disease—or a fungus. You’ve grown on me.”

“Yeah?” Something bubbly was rising in Frank’s chest. He grabbed Leo’s wrist and pulled him forward, kissing him soundly, pleased with the way Leo shivered under his grasp. The knowledge that Leo thought about him, even when he wasn’t around, made him sick with excitement. Or maybe something worse, like hope. 

Of course he knew this was bad. Of course he shouldn’t be celebrating the possibility of them breaking up, with all his talk about how much he wanted Leo to be happy. Plus, what was the guarantee that Leo would end up going through with it? Maybe as soon as Calypso said a few sweet words, he’d bend over like he always did.

Just for now, though. The luxury of being selfish could be his just for now.

He pulled away, if only to move his target to the mole near Leo’s ear. “I don’t know how you did it,” Leo managed breathily, “you’re boring, you’re a loser—you always say the wrong damn thing, and you’re so dumb it pisses me off sometimes.”

“Keep going,” Frank said, like he was being complimented.

“Oh, fuck off,” Leo retorted. But he was grinning, and he didn’t stop Frank, so this was a win. If they were even playing. “You know you’re cool.”

The truth was that Frank didn’t always. That was why he liked to hear it. From his friends, from the people of Camp Jupiter, and from Leo. It made him happy to know people saw him like that—not just cool, but someone strong enough. Good enough. Reliable and trustworthy.

“Sorry…” God, he really had picked up being annoying from Leo. He was too good at it at this point. “I didn’t catch that.”

“You’re cool. Jesus. Got an ego, don’t you? Now c’mere.” Leo closed his eyes and let his mouth fall slightly open, like he was expecting another kiss. 

“As long as you don’t do this in my room again. Please,” Frank appended, deciding to make it a serious request. Emmie seemed like a nice, respectable woman, but Frank had no interest in seeing her again. Or anyone from the Waystation. “When you’re here, only think about me… won’t you?”

Leo raised his eyebrow. “I’m not allowed to think about Hazel? Wow… ”

“You know what I mean.”

“Alright, fine, I get it. It’s not like I need to try that hard for that.” He wrapped his arms around Frank’s neck. “Now please…”

There were times when Frank could pretend they were still rivals, when they bantered, when they argued. But in the end, when it came down to it, he was never able to say no to Leo.

“Did something good happen?” Reyna asked, narrowing her eyes.

Of course she could tell. Maybe the dreaminess floated around Frank like some kind of love aura, or maybe he was smiling more dopily than usual. Either way, it was probably pretty obvious to her, though he tried to keep a straight face with his legionnaires.

“Something like that,” Frank answered vaguely, fingers drumming against his desk. Leo’s almost-proclamation of almost-love had been on his mind all week.

“Let me guess, Valdez came to visit? And he told you something you want to hear?” She deadpanned.

Ignoring the unsavoury implications of that last part, Frank hummed. “Yes… guilty as charged. How did you know?”

“Only Valdez makes you that stupid,” she sighed, “what happened?”

“He told me he was going to break up with his girlfriend for good,” Frank explained. He leaned back into his chair and watched Reyna’s expression turn from annoyed to thoughtful. “What do you think? Too good to be true?”

“No… well… maybe. I’m not sure. I’ve only seen them together once, but it wasn’t very pleasant. It didn’t seem like the kind of relationship to last long. But then again… it’s not as if I have any authority on romance.” Her laugh was tinged with bitterness.

“You were right, though,” Frank rushed to say, hoping it would get her mind off of that particular sore spot, “they’re always fighting. Breaking up, then getting back together, breaking up, then getting back together. That sort of thing.”

Reyna nodded seriously, seeming to understand. “Maybe he’s had enough of it. Besides, he likes you more than her. I can guarantee that. ”

A hot feeling spread through Frank’s cheeks, and he rubbed at them to make it dissipate. “I like to think so. But what about you? How are things with the Hunters?”

As soon as he said it, Frank felt a pang of sadness in his chest. He was happy for Reyna, of course he was, but sometimes he wished she could’ve stayed. He missed her stern face, her small smile. There were times where all he could think was, what would Reyna do?

But she was happier now. With them. Not like she had been at Camp Jupiter; she was finally free to roam the world, unburdened by expectations. That was worth more.

“It’s great,” Reyna said. “All the girls are so friendly… and so close with each other. It feels a lot like a family. Hunting’s fun, too. It feels good to put my skills to use in a situation that isn’t life-threatening.”

“Being the danger instead of being in danger is pretty nice,” Frank agreed, thinking of the countless rabbits and birds he’d caught in the woods. 

The smile on her face faded a little, and her brows wrinkled together. “Though, there is… ah, never mind. I shouldn’t say that.”

Cutting herself off was a foolish move, as this just made Frank even more curious (in his defense, wouldn’t anybody be?). She winced as he raised his eyebrows in question. “No, go on.”

“I really shouldn’t. It’s rude,” Reyna said shortly.

“Now you’ve got to tell me. It’s okay, it’ll be between us.”

She sighed again, giving in. “It’s the way they talk about Diana. Artemis. I knew they answered to her and were loyal to her, but they worship her so much. They call her a saviour, an angel, says she does everything for the good of them and mankind. I didn’t know it was even possible to have so much faith in a God… er, don’t tell the Senate or the Lares I said that.”

“I already have your position, what would I gain from sabotaging your reputation now?” Frank teased, and Reyna laughed.

“Nothing, I guess. Fair enough. Anyway, I don’t mean to complain. It’s just that they seemed so… free. Independent. But in some ways they’re similar to us.”

“Us… Camp Jupiter, you mean.”

“Yeah,” Reyna said distantly. She shook her head, as if shaking away the fogginess around her, and her eyes brightened once more. “It makes sense. Lady Artemis really is kind. I love adventuring around with her and the girls. I really don’t regret becoming a Hunter.”

Frank smiled. It was nice, seeing her so resolute, so in control of her own life. He hoped she could feel that through the Iris-Message, wished that there was some way to convey exactly how proud of her he was.

They’d come a long way. Both of them. 

Instead of saying all that, Frank only said, “I’m glad that you’re happy.”

“I am,” Reyna replied, voice dropping low—not quiet enough to be a whisper, but intimate. Discreet, almost like it was a secret kept between the both of them. “I’m glad you are too.”

Riding the high of Leo’s almost-proclamation of almost-love was, just like Reyna had predicted, bound to lead Frank into disaster eventually. It all came back to bite him when he got a little too excitable during battle. Usually this wasn’t a problem, but the blemmyae he fought had apparently caught wind of his weakness of fire.

They definitely didn’t know how the weakness exactly worked, however, because all they’d done was toss Greek Fire at him. Disorienting at first, but after that, they were easily dispatched. 

Well, that and it had left a patchwork of burns across Frank’s entire right arm and half of his back. It had burnt right through his clothes, spreading under his armour and melting it from beneath.

Hot metal stuck to the blistered, reddened surface of his skin. Frank bit his tongue as a medic slowly, carefully extracted it. 

“Must hurt like a bitch,” Leo muttered, stroking his thumb across Frank’s left hand, the undamaged one. 

“I’m more mourning the loss of my armour,” Frank said. It really was a shame. While one half of his breastplate was perfectly intact, the other half had been destroyed, most of it fusing with Frank’s skin. “It was made specifically for me.”

“Yeah, pretty sure no ready-made armour would fit your fat ass,” Leo bit out, and Frank laughed. Pain stung him in the shoulder as another chunk of metal got peeled away from it, and he clenched Leo’s hand even harder.

The medic stood and bowed. “Praetor Zhang, that should be all. You should be able to take the ambrosia safely now. Please let me know if there are any difficulties.”

Frank gave a smile; the calm, composed one he used with his legionnaires. “Thank you very much. You’re dismissed.”

With a returning smile, almost a bit flustered, they retreated out of the room. The door swung gently shut behind them, and Frank leaned back in his cot. 

“It seriously didn’t hurt when you were fighting them?” Leo asked. “And why’d you go alone, stupid? Don’t you have like a thousand soldiers at your disposal?”

“They’re not at my disposal, they’re my people,” Frank snapped. He withdrew his hand from Leo’s. “It’s my job to protect them, not sit on my ass and order them around. They already patrol  the borders and have their own duties in regards to camp security. I should do my part too.”

Cowed, Leo raised his hands in surrender, looking defensive. “Jeez. Okay. I was just asking. You know that’s not what I meant.”

If by that he meant that Frank knew Leo had a strange way of communicating his feelings and thoughts… then yes, he did. It was like Leo’s brain had a filter that twisted everything he said. 

(Sometimes Frank wished this filter didn’t exist, because it made him feel like he couldn’t differentiate left and right or up and down. But really it was just another thing about Leo that he’d come to love.)

“You look so worried,” Frank said, though he couldn’t say he wasn’t touched. Because he was. He wanted Leo to worry about him, if only so he didn’t have anything else to worry about. “It’s not that bad. It’ll heal.”

“That’s not the point. I know you’re strong.” Leo dragged his chair forward to wipe a drop of blood off Frank’s cheek, though it ended up smearing across his skin. He kept his hand there, however, and Frank nuzzled it affectionately. “But Jason was strong too.”

His heart dropped. He thought about Jason—dying alone, still in the Gods’ grasp, at the hands of a cruel emperor. 

When Caligula had come, Frank had thought that was his chance. He would kill the person who had killed his dear friend, his respected predecessor. Eye for an eye, justice and balance, and the world would keep on spinning. Jason, avenged. Jason, happy.

But it hadn’t been enough. The memory of killing Caligula hadn’t been enough. The look of fear on his face hadn’t been enough, nor his screams as he burnt alive. Every time Frank thought about Jason, his heart still panged. 

As if the rest of him couldn’t admit that it was over. That there was nothing left to do. That after all that, Jason still wasn’t coming back.

(What would have been enough to satisfy him? What would have been enough to make Jason’s death feel less unfair? If Frank had kept Caligula alive and tortured him, just as he did to others—would that, then, have erased all the pain?)

“Yeah,” Frank said quietly, “he was.”

Leo sniffed, his other hand coming up to rub his own eyes. “I’m sorry, I just—”

“No, it’s okay, I—”

“It’s just when I saw you there ,” Leo murmured, voice low like he was in a confessional, like he was scared to say this, “all covered in blood and burns… I knew it wasn’t that bad, that it would take something ten times worse to even take you down, but…”

“You thought about him,” Frank finished. Leo looked away in lieu of a response, but it was basically a confirmation in itself. 

He ran his thumb over Frank’s hand again. “I’m not gonna nag you about being more careful or whatever,” he said, which Frank appreciated, “I know more than anybody that sometimes, you just have to.”

“Not for you,” Frank said, heart instinctively reacting in panic as the memories flashed before his eyes; that last smile—the small vial in his hands—the golden sky. 

The words and feelings stung Frank’s chest as he struggled to say what he wanted to say. How could he express it? You saved me, so leave it all to me. I’ll protect you. I wish I could protect you.

Seeming to know what Frank was thinking, Leo exhaled. “The Waystation is safe,” he promised, though Frank couldn’t help but think that Camp Jupiter was safer, where Frank was around. “We’ve got loads of defenses. A shit ton more that I’ve been working on. And a lot of people there to fight. So I don’t have to worry about that anymore. But you…”

“I won’t die on you,” Frank said, as if he had a choice in the matter, squeezing Leo’s hand. “Who’ll take care of camp if I’m not around?”

Leo grinned, finally. “Yeah, yeah. Hazel’s cool, but she can’t handle it all herself—your precious Rome would go up in flames, huh?”

“Reminds me of another time it went up in flames.”

“Wonder who did that.”

They both laughed. Leo’s hand didn’t seem so tense anymore in Frank’s, and when he looked up, his expression had softened.

“But yeah. I—yeah. Everything’s so... it’s been more than a year, but it still hurts. I regret that I never—well, whatever. What I’m trying to say is. Don’t leave me… too.” He looked almost pathetic saying it. Maybe he knew he was being hypocritical, but Frank didn’t mind. He was already utterly obsessed with Leo, hypocrisy and all.

“I won’t,” Frank said. He brought up Leo’s hand to his lips, brushing a kiss over his knuckles, which he’d been aching to do for the past hour. 

For a moment, Leo looked apprehensive. There was something sad in his eyes, which wasn’t unusual but still hurt. Frank wished he could understand what he was thinking, what to say. Sometimes he wanted that almost telepathic understanding that Percy and Annabeth had. Perfectly in sync. Perfectly in love.

(“That would be so boring, though,” Leo had said when Frank had expressed this for the first time. “You really wanna be like those two? Yuck.”

He agreed, though he hadn’t said so at the time. Instead they’d argued about it, just for fun.)

“I’m not going to leave. Ever. I’ll stay right here,” Frank tried again, “and when you come, I’ll be here waiting.”

“Uh-huh. How long does that offer last?”

Frank held up their hands, fingers intertwined, Leo’s smaller ones slotting right against his. Crooked, but perfect. “Forever.”

“Cheesy,” Leo said, the blush dusting his cheeks giving away how touched he was, “ and stupid.”

Even if it wasn’t real. Even if it was only playing pretend. Even if soon Leo would get on his dragon and fly off into the sunset and leave him behind again—and Frank wouldn’t follow—it was real for a moment. Frank didn’t say anything. Another kiss to Leo’s knuckles said everything for him.

Festus creaked, snaking its large body around Leo. Frank watched, feeling the strange urge to shapeshift into a dragon.

“I’m thinking about when I should go home,” Leo said. Home. Of course. His real home, not the weeks-long fever dream of him and Frank. “I think Festus misses them. How crowded it was. He’s such an attention seeker, aren’t you, boy?”

His words devolved into gibberish baby talk as he scratched under Festus’ chin. Frank couldn’t imagine that it felt like anything, considering it was made of metal, but it seemed happy. 

“Can’t you stay for longer?” Frank asked. He laid next to Leo, back against the warm purring bronze. “They’ll be fine without you for a little while.”

They don’t need you like I need you. 

Leo shrugged. “Yeah, but I got so much shit I want to do with the projects I left there… and I miss my peeps. Man, you should come and try Emmie's pasta sometime. Fucking delicious. Better than Gordon Ramsay.”

Though he doubted that, Frank still smiled. “Sure. If I'm welcome.”

“You are . It's just that you're always making excuses not to come,” Leo heaved a sigh, closing his eyes and putting his hands behind his head. Festus snorted steam out of its nostrils. “Seriously, it's unfair. I'm always the one having to make an effort to come here.”

“I have responsibilities,” Frank said, “I can't just drop everything to visit my b—uh, you.”

The slip of the tongue did not go unnoticed by Leo, who raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. “Oh, yeah? And I’m a jobless bum who can just come running over whenever you want?”

“Of course not.” Frank knew Leo had his own obligations, his own role to play—but it was hard to imagine that it was as important as Frank’s was. “But, you know… like I said, I’m sure they’ll be fine.” 

“Ah, you’ll be fine, too,” Leo dismissed, waving his hand, which annoyed Frank. Even if it was true, how could Leo say it so flippantly? Did he really not care? “Man, everybody wants a piece of this.”

“Um… I get the feeling,” Frank said in understanding, thinking of the legionnaires and meetings he’d been neglecting, all fighting for a place in his schedule. “But still. At least think about it.”

For a moment, it was quiet. Leo’s eyes were closed, as if deep in thought, Festus still snoring away on his chest. When he opened them, they looked almost mocking.

“You know we’re not dating, right?”

Taken aback by the comment, Frank tilted his head. “...Yes? I mean, I know,” he said awkwardly, because he did. It was a fact he’d internalised already—that Leo didn’t want him in that way. Not together. Not a couple. Just something . 

It didn’t hurt too bad when he didn’t think about it too hard. The uncertainty of the future didn’t compare much to the “now”, the now where Leo would smile at him and kiss him and touch him. As long as he wasn’t with his girlfriend. 

“Okay, good. Awesome. Just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” Leo said, “we’re not, you know, like that. It’s… it won’t work. You know that. This whole thing is just, casual.” 

Frank tilted his palms up as if to show that he wasn’t disagreeing. “Yes. You don’t have to tell me. We rarely see each other as is. And I’m so busy.”

“Being a Praetor, yeah,” Leo nodded. Frank didn’t know what they were doing at this point—who they were trying to convince. “So it’s fine. I thought… just because I’m gonna break up with Calypso doesn’t mean we can be together.”

Leaning forward to tuck a stray hair behind Leo’s ear, Frank said gently, “I know. It’s okay. I’m fine as we are now.”

He wasn’t, not really. Of course he wasn’t. But all those tiny desires within him didn’t matter as much as the one that took priority, the one he held up highest in his brain, even when it hurt. Even when he seethed at the mention of the Waystation, or stared miserably at another stack of paperwork, or bled out saving a child that got lost outside the borders.

The person who carried it all so nobody else had to—the kind, sweet friend who considered everyone’s happiness before his own—the leader who never cried, never showed weakness, so everyone else could. Wasn’t that the kind of person he wanted to be?

So he shot past the ache in his heart and smiled. “I just wanted you to stay for a little longer. But if you want to go, then go. I’d hate it if someone kept me where I didn’t want to be.”

Leo huffed, sounding amused. “I don’t hate it here that much. I just hate all your stupid rules and your traditions and your people that walk around with a stick up their ass about Rome.”

“Oh, I hate them too…”

“And sitting around like some useless parasite. I mean, everyone knows I’m only around because you like me.”

And the worst part was that Frank couldn’t even refute it. He couldn’t treat Leo like he was stupid. Especially not when he was always clueless what to do with himself around Leo when Leo was like this, all vulnerable. What to say, how to act. It was all lost on him.

Maybe he was too worried that if he made a single mistake, a single slip of the tongue, Leo would leave.

It was ridiculous, because he’d made too many mistakes to count and Leo just laughed and put up with it every time. But there was still that voice in his head, the one that sounded all too reasonable, saying it: one day he’s going to get tired of you and he’s going to leave you behind. 

“I just can’t imagine that someone would…” Leo pulled at the dark curls of his hair in frustration. “Never mind. Look, I don’t want you to feel hurt. I know it must be heartbreaking to be rejected by someone as hot as this.” He wiggled his fingers at his own body. 

“Yeah, I’m devastated,” Frank deadpanned.

“But you get it.” Not a question, but a statement. You get it, and he did. Hadn’t they established that a mere few minutes ago? Hadn’t they believed each other too? “It’s just better this way. Even though we…”

Whatever he was about to say disappeared in the air. At once his face turned back to normal, all sadness wiped clean in an instant. “Meh, don’t mind me. I’m just tired today.”

If that was the game he wanted to play, that was fine. Frank could play too. Pretending like they were all chill, all casual. Fake it until you make it—wasn’t Leo fond of saying that?

“Yeah, you’re right,” Frank said. He got on his knees and leaned forward to press a kiss on Leo’s cheek, making sure he felt the pressure. His right hand snaked behind Leo’s neck, savouring the warmth there leeching into his palm. “It’s whatever you say.” 

“Just how I like it,” Leo said, but it lacked his usual verve. His eyes were somewhere far away, like they were aching to go from here, run and never come back. 

Instead of looking at them for longer, Frank straightened. “I have to go to a meeting now, with some senators,” he told Leo, averting those damned eyes, sad and hypnotic and dreamy and beautiful and et cetera, et cetera. “Wish me luck?” 

Leo got up, Festus snorting once more as it jolted awake, steam rising into the air. “Good luck with those assholes,” he obliged, grinning. “Give ‘em hell, will you?” 

At least he didn’t seem to be thinking of going home anymore. 

“Must we do this in the principia?” Frank asked calmly, hands folded behind his back. Show no fear, keep your cool—otherwise they’ll get you . “It’s unconventional, to say the least.”

Despite the few unexpected guests, the large hall seemed emptier and colder than ever. Light shone from the outside, but it didn’t quite reach the depths farthest away, near the table where the senators were sitting. They gestured for him to come closer.

“Well, it’s not exactly an official senate meeting. We just want to have a private, friendly conversation… a word of advice for our beloved praetor,” one of them said. Markus, the centurion of the Second Cohort—words honeyed, voice anything but.

“Yes, advice. That’s it, yes,” one of the others, Hank, agreed, seeming all too excited to criticize Frank in a few minutes.

“I’m always open to that.” Frank rounded across the other side of the table, where the praetors sat, and adjusted his chair to sit on it with a loud thud. The sound made the senators wince, which made him happy. “Please, advise away.”

The two glanced at each other. Out of all the senators, they were Frank’s most obvious dissenters, though they knew when to bite their tongue. Enough so that Frank couldn’t kick them out of their positions, at least.

Not to mention he didn’t disagree with them entirely, sometimes. Particularly Markus, who had been promoted to centurion after the battle with the Triumvirate; he’d hated Frank since then, incensed by the death and loss they’d suffered. A part of Frank hated himself for that, too. 

“We’ve noticed that some of the paperwork you were due to submit has come late,” Markus started, brandishing a sheet like a weapon and pointing to the various dates on it. “Some of these being extremely important, such as proposals from the legionnaires and overviews of quests.”

“I’ve been busy lately,” Frank said shortly. All three of them knew what—or who —exactly he had been busy with. “I assure you I’ll be doing them on time from now on.”

“If only we had more than your word,” Hank sighed, and Frank’s hand twitched. He clenched it into a fist, digging his nails into his skin.

“You also failed to assigned several duties this month. One of these being the west-side patrol duty, leaving the place unguarded. That in turn led to five harpies getting in and causing havoc,” Markus continued, tapping at his paper.

Frank placed his hand on the table, not aggressively, but with enough force to make them jump. “Yes, I admit that was a careless mistake. One that I heavily regret and won’t repeat. I wonder who it was that took care of those harpies before they dealt any damage to campers or property?”

It was him. Not like they cared.

Still, the acknowledgement of a mistake that had actually posed a danger to his people put Frank on edge. He couldn’t completely deny or brush off everything they were saying when his wandering mind had caused him to slip up on more than one occasion.

His fingers tapped against the desk in an erratic rhythm, almost impatient. Hank raised his eyebrow.

“Regardless, what a mess they made. And the legionnaires were very frightened, too.”

“Respectfully, I think our legionnaires shouldn’t be frightened by a small pack of harpies,” Frank cut in, “they should be ready to face the situation. After all, isn’t that what our training sessions and War Games are for? Don’t you agree? Markus?”

Markus huffed. He was the organiser of the War Games, next to Frank, and he had always disliked how heavily Frank regulated the logistics so as to not put the Second Cohort at an advantage.

“Still, unnecessary dangers should be avoided! Aren’t you all about protecting and coddling the people?” Hank asked, voice mocking at the end.

“Not coddling,” Frank said calmly, with the air of a parent going over something for the tenth time, “but yes, I agree with you. That’s why it won’t happen again.”

Though Hank seemed bothered by Frank’s calm exterior, Markus just cleared his throat, as clever and haughty as ever. In that sense, he had something in common with Frank. It was a shame he dedicated his skills to nonsense goals such as this.

“Speaking of the campers, however, we come to, ah, the crux of our issues. That Greek boy, Leo Valdez, the son of Hephaestus. Your—”

“Just get to the point,” Frank said, voice tired, absolutely not wanting to hear what Markus was about to call him. Not to mention the uncouth implication that Leo was his, in any way—as if he could ever be.

Even Markus seemed to feel a sense of mercy, or perhaps pity. “Right. Some people have expressed discomfort that he’s allowed to walk around freely. Not only is he staying here and going anywhere anytime while not being a real camper… well, you recall what he did only a few years ago.”

“That time, he was being possessed by a monster. Something completely out of his control,” Frank said, a little too quickly, a little too defensive. “This isn’t exactly unknown information either. He was publicly pardoned. Not just by me, but by the former Praetor Reyna too.”

“Reyna’s not praetor anymore,” Hank pointed out snidely. Markus’ eyebrow twitched and he turned to glare at Hank. “What? I’m just saying.”

“There should still be a level of understanding with your people, though, shouldn’t there, Praetor Zhang?” Markus questioned, ignoring his comparably more dim-witted sidekick. “They don’t all know. And even if they do, it’s completely understandable to have a level of apprehension toward him, especially considering his dubious origins.”

“What dubious origins? You mean that he’s Greek?” Frank deadpanned.

At the unimpressed tone of his voice, Markus raised his eyebrows. “I mean no disrespect. In fact, I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Frank massaged his forehead. Unfortunately, he did, as much as he hated to admit it. I don’t belong here, the Leo in his head said, mirroring the thousands of times he’d said it before. Don’t be stupid. 

Why couldn’t he just keep this one thing? Hadn’t he been good all his life? Hadn’t he always tried his best?

Maybe this wasn’t even divine punishment. Maybe this was just the natural part of being a leader. Or maybe, maybe it was Frank himself that just wasn’t good enough, not capable enough to have everything he wanted.

He thought about Reyna. If she were in his situation, wouldn’t she able to handle it well? Reyna, who took that loneliness and stored it in herself for all those years and never let it show. Reyna, who always played the part of the best leader she could be, even when it hurt.

She’d be able to balance this. Someone she loved, and all her duties. It would probably be nothing to her.

And Jason… Jason. The only reason he’d died is because he’d had nothing left to live for. 

Frank scratched at the side of his head, mussing up his hair. It was growing long now, falling around his face in strands. He wasn’t going to feel sorry for himself now. Not when this was all his fault.

“I see what your issues with me are,” Frank said. They stared at him, eyes piercing, and he wondered how it was possible to feel so powerless in the face of two people he had complete control over. “I’ll resolve to fix them the best I can. I’ll speak to Valdez, as well, and be more committed to my work. That’s a promise from me, Senator.”

Hank opened his mouth as if to complain or press further, but he was swiftly cut off by Markus, who stood up with the screeching drag of his chair. “That’s all I wanted to hear,” he said smoothly. “I hope you won’t repeat these transgressions. It would be bad if everyone at camp were to hear about it and feel… unsafe.”

Translation: it would be bad if everyone at camp were to hear about how incompetent you are and started losing trust and faith in you.

Now that would be the worst. Praetors were like gods; the second people stopped believing in them, they lost their purpose.

“Thank you for taking the time to come here,” Frank forced out, standing up to shake Markus’ hand. After a moment of hesitation, he shook Hank’s too, though it seemed like neither of them wanted that. “Dismissed.” 

With that, they both hurried off, their footsteps echoing behind them as they left the principia. Frank collapsed back into his chair, sighing as he smoothed his hair back.

What the hell was he going to do?

This was probably a bad idea. 

But Leo had threatened to leave—literally, he'd said “if you don't get off that chair I'm going to fly back to the Waystation”—and so Frank was left with no choice.

Then again, maybe it hadn’t been just that. It had also been the look in Leo’s eyes when he’d complained about how Frank had been ignoring him, how much he’d been working over the past few days to make up for his failures. And, well, he always gave in to Leo eventually. 

That was why it was a bad idea to keep him around, if he was being honest with himself. If he was being honest with himself, he’d admit that Leo leaving was in both of their best interests, like Leo loved to insist.

Still, his heart ached at the thought.

They were in the heart of the city, where the buildings reached toward the skies and blinding lights were everywhere. All the sound of the people below was muted with how high up they were, on a rooftop of one of the buildings.

“If they knew I was out here, they’d crucify me,” Frank grumbled. A song he liked was playing from one of the nearby clubs, the beat pulsing faintly in his chest. 

“Who’s they? I thought you were the big boss.” Leo curled his legs up. 

“It’s more like, I’m giving them another thing to criticize me for. I’m talking about some of the senators. And the Lares… and the tradionalists in New Rome… any of them who’d catch wind of this.” Frank shrugged. “Especially since last time.”

He recognised his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. His hand even came up to clap over his mouth, as if to shut himself up, or push the careless sentence back in.

Leo caught it, though, narrowing his eyes in suspicion and pushing his bottom lip out in a pout. “Last time, huh.”

“Never mind it, Valdez. You’ll find it boring.”

“Hm, if you’re saying that, then it’s probably hella interesting…” Damn it, why did Frank have to be such a bad liar when it counted?  “Three guesses. Does it have something to do with why you’ve been ignoring me lately?”

What was he supposed to say? That the guilt had consumed him? The past few days had been torture, like ripping teeth out, having Leo so close but not close enough. And here he was making fun of it.

“No.”

“Okay, second guess…”

“I meant—no. To the whole thing. Let’s not talk about it.”

“Hmph.” Leo crossed his arms and huffed, which made him look awfully cute. “I came all the way here for some ungrateful prick who won’t even spend time with me. And he keeps begging me to stay, too.”

Frank shuffled awkwardly, walking over to sit next to Leo on the ledge. Their legs hung over the side, dangerously close to falling off. 

Below them, everybody looked so insignificant. And when he looked at Leo, it was like he was the only person in the world.

(It was always like that, though. Like he was the only thing that mattered. How nice it would be… if he was the only thing that mattered.)

“I’m sorry,” Frank said dully, “I just had a lot on my plate.”

A lame excuse, but Leo nodded in understanding. “Yeah… fine. I’ll let ya off the hook.” He leaned over and shoved his finger in Frank’s face. “ Just this once!”

Leo said that often. ‘Just this once’. It was almost never true.

“Hey,” Frank said, feeling that old itch of jealousy climb up in his throat again, “I bet you had a lot of fun with Hazel , didn’t you? I saw you two hanging out. What were you doing—making nude paintings? Sharing saddle facts?” 

“For the last time, Festus does not use a saddle,” Leo said through gritted teeth, “wait, that’s not even the—you know it’s not the same. Fuck you. I can’t spend time with her without you freaking out over it? What are you… sixteen years old?” 

“Very clever reference. How is it not the same, Valdez? So much better hanging out with a pretty girl?”

This landed the way Frank wanted to, made Leo flush. He seemed to be embarrassed by his past (failed) attempts at women these days, though why exactly Frank couldn’t tell.

“Why are you being so infuriating?”

“Thank you. I learnt it from someone I know,” Frank said, relieved they had seemingly moved on from the subject, though he didn’t doubt Leo would remember to annoy him about it later.

They fell into silence, looking over the lights. Even Leo, usually so loud and so dedicated to his schtick, seemed happy with the emptiness between them. He put his head on Frank’s shoulder and curled his knees up to his chest.

When he looked over at Leo, his face was coloured by the lights, shades of yellow and orange and white blinking across his skin. In a second Frank was seized by the sudden urge to do something about it, how beautiful he was. Something like cuteness aggression, but worse.

He wanted to keep Leo like this forever. Shoulders pressed together, arms interlocked—or maybe even closer, as close as they could get, so Leo would never even consider going anywhere else. Safe in his arms, alive and happy, never wanting for anything else.

It was true what he’d said. If he could, he’d do anything to make Camp Jupiter the kind of place Leo could live in. He’d build a bunker ten times larger than whatever one he had at the Waystation. He’d give him a mansion if that was what Leo wanted, fuck whatever anyone had to say.

But that wasn’t what Leo wanted.

Frank buried his nose in Leo’s hair, inhaling the scent. It felt like if he drew away, he’d die, unable to function without Leo—unable to even breathe.

Why did he say it was okay? How did he ever come to get used to the absence? The warmth was intoxicating, the dangerous balance like a drug. He needed Leo all the time. He’d tried, but he couldn’t stay away.

“When are you going to leave?” He muttered, arm tight around Leo’s shoulders. Leo hummed, seeming surprised that Frank was the one bringing it up for once.

“I really don’t know,” he whispered, and the lack of a certain date made Frank’s heart do backflips in his chest, “I know you don’t want me to. And I don’t… really wanna… either.”

“Stay,” Frank insisted, grip tightening around Leo, “come on. We can be like this forever.”

Leo closed his eyes, like he was in pain. When he opened them again, they were shining and wet. He reached up and kissed him again, as they were so fond of doing; a small comfort.

“Nothing lasts forever, man. You know that,” Leo said, like he was trying to convince both of them.

Instead of arguing or agreeing with that sentiment, Frank kissed him again, insistent and forceful. Some part of him, the stupid part of him, wanted to believe it would sway Leo. Like if he was good enough with his mouth or his hands, or perhaps looked pathetic enough, then Leo would change his mind.

(All useless, of course. Nothing would change his mind. He was already right… Leo usually was.)

Even when Leo pulled away, slightly out of breath with his lips glistening, Frank pushed forward and shut him up again. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to hear another thing Leo said that would annoy him. He just wanted to inhale Leo until all the voices in his head went quiet and his whole body went numb and the thought of separation felt ridiculous and far away.

“What the hell is up with you today?” Leo murmured against his lips, and for some reason Frank found it adorable that he didn’t know.

“Nothing,” he said. Then, after a moment, “I’ve been going through withdrawals.”

“Oh my god,” Leo laughed. “Whose fault is that?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s mine, I know.” He liked this, liked pretending he was exasperated when he wasn’t. Really he could talk to Leo like this forever, as long as it wasn’t about the future. “Sorry. For what it’s worth.”

Leo’s nose scrunched up. “Ah, whatever. At this point I just wanna know why.”

“You have to promise it won’t make you leave.” If it were up to Frank he wouldn’t say it at all, but he didn’t like lying, and plus he was never very good at it anyway. Even this game they played with their hearts, he could never keep it up for long, not like Leo did. His was more fragile. 

“That bad? Okay.”

“Valdez. It’s serious. Promise.”

“Jesus. Yes. I promise. Tell me.”

Frank leaned back on his other arm, the one that wasn’t wrapped around Leo. He heaved a huge sigh. “These two senators, they said I’ve been careless with my work lately. And that they don’t like you being around. Guess I felt kinda bad?”

To his relief, Leo’s expression didn’t change much. He just raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms, but his head stayed in its place on Frank’s shoulder. 

“Shit… is it the one with the caterpillar beard?”

“ Stop. But yes. Hank. And the other one, Markus, the one you said looked like the Hush Puppies dog,” Frank recalled.

“Got it.” Leo played with the fingers of Frank’s other hand, cracking his knuckles and bending them this way and that. “You were afraid to tell me that? Seriously, you think I care about what some Roman assholes have to say about me? I’m gonna leave anyway. It’s not gonna change anything.”

“Stop,” Frank said, and he meant it this time. 

Leo at least had the decency to look guilty, but not guilty enough to stop talking. “You can’t keep living this way. It’s like… bad for you. I’m bad for you.”

“Just shut up,” he said through gritted teeth. Leo bent his index finger too far back and it hurt. Mundane pain like that almost never hurt him, but this time it did, and Frank jerked his hand away. “Stop being like that.”

“You’re always like this too,” Leo said quietly, and Frank didn’t have to ask what he meant.

After a few long minutes of silence, Leo spoke again. “Can we go home?” He asked, voice sounding almost timid—a word he’d never in a million years use to describe Leo, usually. “I’m tired.”

They really hadn’t done anything but hop around a few buildings and watch night club lights flash beneath them, but all of a sudden Frank felt drowsy too. He wanted to collapse into bed with Leo, both of them curled together, and forget everything.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Noticing the way Leo’s eyes were drooping, struggling to stay open, Frank chuckled. Maybe arguing, even in this passive-aggressive way of theirs, drained Leo’s energy more than he thought. “I’ll carry you home. We’ll fly.”

“Thanks…” Leo muttered. Frank bent his other arm beneath Leo’s knees and lifted him up, so light it barely required any effort. “‘M sorry.”

“For?”

Leo shrugged, as if he didn’t really know. Or maybe he couldn’t explain it. “For not being the type of guy who could be good for you.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Frank said, all the anger from before washed away. This sucked for both of them, didn’t it? He knew he shouldn’t be angry at the fact, but sometimes he just couldn’t help it. “It’s my fault.”

For a second, Leo looked as if he wanted to refute that, but in the end he said nothing. That was a little disheartening, but Frank bent down to kiss his forehead anyway. 

“Let’s go home.”

When Hazel found Frank treating his own wounds in his room, she didn’t even have to ask what had happened.

“I was distracted, thinking about something,” he explained anyway. He hoped Hazel didn’t know what exactly it was. She probably didn’t, but—she was so perceptive, she might have had a suspicion. 

“Nothing I can say will make a difference,” she said exasperatedly. Maybe there was a slight tinge of fondness to it… if Frank tried hard enough to believe. “Just get well soon.”

“Feeling better already.” Frank tried to reassure her awkwardly, squirming at the unimpressed look on her face. He hated when she was displeased with him; it always made him feel like he was failing at life.

But he couldn’t promise not to do it again. Much like Leo, he respected her too much.

Hazel rolled her eyes before she finally relaxed and gave him a small smile. “Yes, yes—you’re strong, you always recover. Anyway, let’s discuss the mission report.”

A few of the Triumvirate’s Germani soldiers had just been roaming around for a while, apparently, just outside of camp borders. Those with a stronger sense of revenge and bloodlust that had been waiting for a chance to strike.

And strike they did, when two members of the First Cohort wandered a bit too far out near the mountains. By the time Frank had arrived, along with a few other legionnaires, they’d already been seriously injured.

Taking on all of the Germani at once to allow the others to escape had been a reckless decision, sure, but it’d worked. And Frank knew there was no way he was losing. Yes, he got stabbed a couple times—but they got much worse, all of them.

He hadn’t wanted to bother the medics again. He especially hadn’t wanted to make his medical bay visits a repeat occurrence. Couldn’t allow the people to think their leader was weak, after all.

So he’d scooped up a bit of ambrosia and bandages and Frank was brand new already.

Honestly, it was barely anything. Just a scratch. Yet for some reason he couldn’t help the growing anxiety in the back of his mind, something gnawing at his stomach like he’d done something wrong.

“After the fight, I walked around the area to see if there were any more hiding out, but I couldn’t find any,” Frank bit out, trying to focus. Hazel didn’t look mad anymore, listening to him attentively—so why did he feel like this? “I’ll send a couple people out to search more thoroughly soon. Can I count on you to accompany them?”

Hazel nodded. She seemed anxious about something herself, rocking back and forth on Frank’s chair as if deciding whether she should say it.

“I was thinking about what we talked about… like a week ago,” Hazel started tentatively, and Frank tried not to let the growing dread show on his face. Instead he smiled, encouraging her to continue. “I thought… maybe it’d be nice. To take a break. Travel around the world.”

“Oh,” Frank said, throat dry. Take a break. That didn’t mean she was leaving for good. Even if she wasn’t Praetor anymore, she’d still be around. It was fine. Everything was fine. She wasn’t going away somewhere he couldn’t follow—not like Leo. “For how long?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t really know. Maybe around a year.”

His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “A year?” This time Frank couldn’t keep the shock from seeping into his voice. “Hazel, that’s… I mean… a vacation that long…”

“Nobody’s going to like it. I know. They might not even accept me as their leader again, if I come back.” To her credit, Hazel did sound sad at the thought, but it didn’t offset the hope in her eyes. “But, I just thought that. I don’t really wanna go on like this.”

Instead of asking what that meant, Frank looked down. He searched for a way to rationalise it, to agree with her, to stop his brain from being so selfish.

“Well, it really is the best time for it right now,” he reasoned, tapping his chin so he couldn’t scrunch his fingers up in his blanket. The fresh wounds under his bandages were beginning to pound again. “We’re in peacetime, and there’s not much to deal with.”

A lie. The Triumvirate’s invasion had really moved some of the people. Lares, legionnaires, and even citizens of New Rome were split into acceptance of more traditionalist ideas, and harsh rejection of them.

Most of the time, everyone was able to shove it to the back of their minds and get along well enough. But sometimes…

It wasn’t bad, though. It was manageable, both now and even if it were to devolve. Frank could handle it. Frank could definitely handle it.

The swirling in his stomach was growing into a black hole, like he was being eaten alive from the inside out. “Plus, a lot of people here love you. Even if you were to leave, they’d understand. …They love you more than they love me.”

“Please,” Hazel sighed, “some fucking people… in their eyes, once a loser, always a loser.”

“But you get it,” Frank said.

“I do,” Hazel said brightly, her eyes shining even brighter. She rarely looked like this, so cheerful and beaming, like the sun was flowing out of her, casting away all the shadows that usually hung over her eyes. Frank had to wonder what was it about Camp Jupiter that made her so eager to go—the strict lifestyle? The people? The boredom of the same thing, everyday? 

Or maybe it was him.

Frank used his other hand to press down on his bandages. Gashes reopening easily after their precarious, fragile healing. Blood leaked down his skin, and the sharp pain grounded him.

“Look, I’m still deciding. And I definitely won’t up and leave without giving you warning.” She fiddled with her fingers. “I don’t want to leave you all alone to handle all this.”

“No! No, no. I’ll be fine. Like I said, it’s peacetime now, so it’s calmer. Besides, I’ll still have…” Frank racked his brain for anyone he had. “Lavinia around. And Ella. And I can talk to you or Reyna at any time, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Hazel bit her lip, not looking convinced. Frank almost felt a little hurt; did she think he wasn’t capable? Was he still that fumbling, clumsy probatio in her eyes?

Of course not. Of course not. They’d come a long way, and she’d always been one of the few people to believe in him.

(Even as he told himself that, the static in his head didn’t go away.)

“Hey.” Frank leaned forward, bending at an awkward enough angle to put pressure on his bleeding torso. The relentless pain felt like a rope, holding his mind together. “Trust me. I’ll be okay. If it were a real emergency, I can ask you to come back—but it’s not gonna happen.”

“Someday you should take a break too. A long one,” Hazel said quietly. In his head, Frank laughed at the thought. “You work so hard.”

“Maybe,” he lied, “but for now, worry about yourself. You’ve been through a lot. If you need this, then go live your life to the fullest.” He cracked a smile. “You only have two chances at it.”

“Very funny,” Hazel deadpanned, but she was smiling too. 

It made him happy, to see her like this. Hazel, after everything, didn’t she deserve to live her own life? Do what she wanted with it? She could see the world she never got to, and when she was ready, she would come back. All good. 

(What if she doesn’t come back? What if she realises that there’s nothing for her here?)

Frank dug his fingers into the wounds, spreading open his flesh through the cotton. Red began to soak into the bedsheets beneath him, but he drew the blanket up high enough so Hazel wouldn’t notice.

(No one you love ever wants to stay anyway.)

“Where’s Leo?” He blurted out, desperate not to think about it. The agony wasn’t enough, even as it gripped his stomach and his muscles. He wanted it to be worse. He wanted it to be so overwhelming he couldn’t think, just like in battle.

The sudden change in subject seemed to surprise Hazel. She tilted her head. “I told him you were hurt as soon as I heard. We were together,” she explained. “But…”

“But,” Frank said weakly.

“For some reason, he said he wasn’t going to visit you. He said something like, it’s not worth it.” She shrugged. 

So Leo knew. And he hadn’t come on purpose. To Frank, practically his only reason for being here—it wasn’t about the injury, of course it wasn’t—it was about the excuses. The chance to be with him.

It was like he didn’t care at all.

“Can you get out?” Frank panted, trying to tighten the rope, keep it together. When he looked at his fingers, they came away soaked with his blood. “I think my wounds are acting up again.”

With a look of understanding, Hazel said her goodbyes and obliged. Frank doubled over the bed. Hazel wasn’t going to leave him— yes she was— and he had no right to be upset over Leo when he always knew this was going to happen— but isn’t it all your fault that it did?

Hazel leaving. Leo with that sad look in his eyes. Reyna off with the Hunters, Percy living a normal life. Jason, gone.

His fingers scratched roughly over the lacerations on his chest. Like if he pulled his flesh open he’d get to a solution, or maybe he could turn himself inside out into a better, newer person. Someone who could make them stay. Or maybe someone who wouldn’t care if they left.

He ran through it over and over again, trying to find the common denominator that wasn’t him. Anything that would shift the blame. But he couldn’t find it.

Even his mother had left him. Wasn’t that damning enough?

Frank stumbled to the bathroom just in time to vomit all over the sink. He stared and stared and dug at the raw fleshy mess of his chest and stomach in the mirror until he felt okay. And then he ate so much ambrosia his body started to overheat.

(But he’d take it, of course. All of it. He always did.)

Grandmother had rarely been gentle with him. The word didn’t even seem to be in her vocabulary most of the time. 

Frank still remembered the day they found out his mother was gone. Her face had been cold, impassive, like her daughter hadn’t just died. She’d snapped at him, like she always did, the second she’d seen those telltale tears well up in his eyes.

“Don’t act ridiculous. Everyone leaves, Fai,” she had said. “Everyone.”

He dreamt of that. He dreamt of the knocking on his door, the man from the military there to deliver the bad news. Except even when he’d opened the door the knocking hadn’t stopped. 

Knock, knock, knock. Like someone else was dead, and another person after that, and another person after that. Endless letters, endless badges piling up in his hands.

When he woke up, the sun was setting. That was rare; Frank didn’t take afternoon naps. Always too busy with work or some arrangement or other. 

His mind felt fogged up, stuffed with cotton. Another rare thing. Usually he was so clear-minded, or at least tried his best to be, but right now the world around him felt blurry and unreal. He groped around the bedside table, knocking over his alarm clock in the process, but came up empty.

“Right, that’s right,” he muttered to himself. He’d quit smoking. Why’d he do that again? A cigarette would be amazing right about now…

Every muscle in his head hurt. Frank rubbed his temple, hoping it would make the pressure and tension go away, but that only worked a little bit.

It was no matter. He could always buy more at the store in New Rome. Something lurched in his stomach and Frank pulled up his shirt to look at his torso, wincing at the sight.

Though the wounds has thoroughly healed, the copious amounts of ambrosia having done its work and leaving barely any scar behind, his skin was still matted with dried blood. When he looked at his fingers closely, he realised beneath his nails was another bloody mess, all sticky and filled up.

Gross. Frank got off the bed. None of the injuries hurt anymore, though he almost wished they would. At the very least to clear the blur in his head. 

He had something to do, didn’t he? He always had something to do. The lack of work, the lack of a plan, was making Frank antsy. Like his body knew they were supposed to be worried over something.

Then came a knock at the door.

For moment, Frank’s body blanked out, like it had forgotten how to move or what exactly it was supposed to do in response to the sound. He froze, staring like a deer in headlights. The person on the other side seemed frustrated by this, knocking even louder and more impatiently.

Finally regaining his bodily control, Frank stumbled over and yanked it open. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but once he saw Leo, his heart felt at ease. Curly, messy hair. Freckles. Burn scars—he was insecure about them, for some reason, but Frank thought they made him look all the more pretty. Downturned dark eyes that looked at him with something like concern and contempt and amusement, all at once.

“Valdez,” he said stupidly. Leo grinned.

“That’s me.” He had his army jacket on, rolled up to the sleeves as always. Beneath that, instead of just the usual t-shirts he’d been wearing for the past month or so, he also wore a turtleneck and his chest harness. “Gonna let me in, or…”

“Oh.” Frank flushed, before stepping aside so Leo could enter. He held the door open for a second longer than he needed to.

It shouldn’t have felt so unusual to see Leo in his room. He was in there a majority of the time, and even slept there most nights, but everything felt too off-kilter to be familiar.

Leo sunk down on the bed and patted the space next to him invitingly. Instead of sitting there, Frank chose to sit on the ground in front of it, on his knees. He was more level with Leo that way. 

“Do you ever think it would have been better if we hadn’t met?” Leo asked. It was weird for him to ask something so philosophical… so serious. He usually hated stuff like that. But he didn’t look serious, his expression as lighthearted as always. 

Frank wrinkled his nose. “Um… no?” He said, as if it were obvious. “I mean, even if we had… a rough start to our relationship—” 

“You hated my guts.”

“Shut up. I just… even if I did… I mean, I regret it.” More than he regretted that, though, he regretted not being able to save Leo—that he stood by and watched as he died, like a captivated, helpless member of the audience. “And I’m just so…” 

Obsessed with you. But Leo knew that already.

“Yeah… that’s the thing, isn’t it.” Leo rubbed beneath his eyes. There were dark circles there, and they’d worsened somehow, despite Frank’s insistence on getting him enough sleep. Maybe he’d fallen off schedule when Frank was focused on work… 

“What thing,” Frank said, feeling lost. And a bit panicked. He couldn’t help but remember what had happened with Hazel just hours ago, the bright smile on her face at the thought of leaving Camp Jupiter. At the thought of leaving him.

He kind of knew what was coming. It was painfully obvious. And yet… 

“I’m going home tomorrow,” Leo said casually. So nonchalant, so indifferent. That was probably why he hadn’t visited; because he didn’t care anymore. 

It was difficult to connect him to the same Leo that, at his worst (best) moments seemed to love him too, seemed almost as utterly obsessed with Frank as it was the other way around. 

Maybe it had just been delusion all along. Maybe he’d been too eager to believe that someone could love him that way, when he was just Frank , unimpressive and never enough. He’d believed it with his mother, too, right up until the news came and he realised she’d left him for a meaningless death and a grave.

“Why?” Frank murmured, even though he already knew why. He’d had it hammered in ever since the beginning of this. “What’s bad about me?” 

“It’s not you, dude, it’s me… god, that’s cliche.” It was. “You know I can’t stay here.” 

“You can stay with me, fulltime. I’ll get you whatever you need for your projects,” Frank said blankly, no longer thinking through his own words. He was begging, but he couldn’t even bring himself to turn his neck and look at Leo. “I’ll make sure nobody bothers you.” 

Leo’s hands curled in his lap. Frank nudged at them with his own, lacing their fingers together, to which Leo didn’t protest. In fact, he clasped them tighter. “Don’t…”

“I’ll be anything you want. I swear.” 

“Don’t say that,” Leo said lowly, staring at their hands. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean. You’re already perfect. I’m the one that’s… well, whatever. Just don’t worry about it, big guy.” 

“How can you say that?” Frank snapped. He hated when Leo was like this, when he played dumb for no reason. Of course Frank would worry. He worried when Leo was around—he worried twice as much when he wasn’t. There was no way he didn’t know that.

With a grunt of frustration, Leo let go of Frank’s hand to pinch his forehead. “I’m not right for you,” he said, voice wobbly, “you’re so… cool. You’re a leader, everyone looks up to you. Not even in the same way they look at Hazel.”

Frank squirmed on the floor. “And they don’t like me,” Leo continued, “you know that. I’m not gonna be that person who fucks shit up for you or the way people see you. Not when you care about it so much.”

“But I don’t care about it as much as I care about you,” Frank said, and it was true. “Besides, just you being around—even if—it’s not going to ruin everything —”

“Well I care!” Leo yelled. “And. Fuck. You know what I thought when Hazel told me you got hurt again? And this time you weren’t even gonna let someone else heal it for you, like some fucking prick who thinks he’s so much better than everyone and doesn’t need help?”

“Hey,” Frank barked.

“I thought, man, I don’t want to go through this bullshit again. If you’re going to die —” Leo’s voice cracked, “—I’ll at least make sure it’s far away from me.” 

Frank looked at him, wide-eyed. Hurt. “I’m not going to die,” he said, a dumb thing to say, but he didn’t know how to begin. Didn’t know what would get Leo to change his mind, if anything could.

That was the problem with them, maybe. Both stubborn animals. Both refusing to give.

“Yeah? You know that? Sorry, Zhang, but the truth is, you don’t know shit. You could die tomorrow and you wouldn’t know! It’s out of your control!” 

No it wasn’t. Why couldn’t Leo see that?—was what Frank wanted to argue. Maybe it was that way for Leo, but not for him. He was always in control, over everything, over everyone. He had to be. 

“You don’t get it,” was what he said instead.

Leo crossed his arms. “You’re the one who’s not getting it,” he said, voice not angry anymore, just tired. “At least in the Waystation I don’t have to worry every goddamn day. It’s so simple there. Like we’re actually a family… a happy one.”

“So you like them more than me,” Frank said, and when he heard himself, he was jolted by the realisation that he sounded like a complete child. 

“No. Yes. No. I mean—yes, okay, I do. Not because there’s anything wrong with you.” Leo was stuttering over his words now. A bad sign. This whole thing felt like a bad dream, floaty and unreal and inducing a desperate urge to escape. “But that’s the life I always wanted to live, y’know? Normal. Or at least, normal-adjacent.”

“I’m not normal enough for you,” Frank stated, not sure how to feel about that. Bitter, maybe. In a thousand years he never would have thought that that would be the problem. 

“Yeah. You’re too…” Leo looked away. It seemed like he was also struggling to figure out what to say, how to express how he felt. “You’re too bright.”

Funny, how he said that. To Frank that was Leo, always had been; beautiful and bright, more so than any fire. Painful to look at, impossible to tear your eyes away. Like burning. You’re a fool, Juno, he’d thought once, who needs a firewood curse when you’ve got this?

(Back then he’d been so afraid that Leo would be the death of him. Maybe that was more true than he’d realised.)

“The Waystation isn’t mortal either,” Frank opted to point out. “You think that shit’s not dangerous? You think they’re not gonna die too?”

It was a callous thing to say, he knew it. And maybe he did regret it a little, or a lot, he didn’t know—his head was still swimming. He didn’t understand why he was acting like this. Didn’t want to be acting like this. So selfishly. It made no sense.

‘Frank Zhang’ wasn’t supposed to be selfish. He was kind and understanding and gracious and mature, and most of all, he didn’t need anyone. He certainly didn’t beg people to stay when they didn’t want to.

But the black hole in his heart kept growing.

“That’s different,” Leo huffed, though Frank didn’t understand why. “It’s different, okay? Over there, I’m…” He laughed humourlessly. “Less of a burden.” 

“Do I make you feel like that? A burden?” Frank asked, heart squeezing painfully.

“Nah. You’re too good to me. I can’t take it,” Leo laughed.

And I can’t help it, Frank thought. 

He curled his legs up to his chest. That was usually a Leo move, but right now Frank felt too vulnerable, had to clasp his arms around himself to keep it together. 

All the fight had drained out of both of them. Leo was still smiling, serenely, but more out of habit than actual contentment or happiness. Frank could tell. He thought about the smile Leo had given him that day on the Argo II, before it was smashed to bits and Leo turned into fire in the sky. Now that had been a real smile, all joy and no fear.

Had he been scared? He must have been, but he didn’t show it. Another thing Frank admired about him.

“Okay,” he finally said quietly, giving in. He was tired of fighting. 

Frank had always wanted Leo to be happy. Not having to worry about anything. And he’d always wanted to be the person who made him happy, despite the stupid distance between them, despite the pretenses that both of them kept up. Even when months would drag by when neither of them would call, even when he knew Leo could’ve been out there crying, hurting, needing him, and he didn’t help—the hope had remained.

Someday, he hoped, looking forward to a future that didn’t quite exist, he hoped he could have been the kind of person to make Leo happy.

Part of him wanted to run. Part of him wanted to take Leo by the hand and follow him to Indiana, or wherever he wanted to go. Any state, any country, it didn’t matter; Frank would be happy as long as Leo was. 

But when he thought about Camp Jupiter, the hundreds of people who needed him, his sword sitting heavy in the corner of his room—that part of him shriveled up and died. He thought about the wreckage after the Emperors’ attack, everyone who’d died and everyone who’d been left behind. The funerals, the tears.

That day he’s sworn it to himself he’d never let it happen again. No matter what, he wouldn’t fail again.

It wasn’t his own happiness that mattered. That was the first rule to being a leader, and he was good at following it, too. Most times. It was just Leo that made him weak.

“Leave then,” Frank muttered, burying his face in his arms. “Take everything with you.” My heart too.

“This is for your own good. You know, one day, you’re gonna thank me, for being so wise.” Leo cracked a smile, but it was half-hearted.

“If you’re going to be happier without me, then just go do it,” Frank said tiredly. 

Before he could register what was happening, Leo had slid onto his knees and wrapped his arms around Frank. They were warm, as he always was, and he felt so nice. Frank wished he could live in there forever, in his arms, or closer, under his skin, in his flesh. 

“Not for me,” Leo disagreed. And Frank thought he was probably being honest, because Leo would never be selfish like that. Not like Frank was. “For you. You’re gonna be… a great leader. Without me.”

But I want to be yours, Frank thought, I want you to be there to see it.

Maybe Leo’s opinion of him had always mattered more than anyone else’s, just a little bit. 

“We’ll see each other again. Someday,” Leo promised, pulling back and clapping Frank on the back, a gesture so casual and platonic he almost felt like laughing at it. 

He wished he could cry, wished he could express at least a minuscule amount of how much he cared about Leo. He wanted to ask whether it ever meant anything, the late nights, all the kissing and touching and the way Leo had smiled at him like he’d loved him. 

They weren’t breaking up. They were never really together, right? It had been that way since the start. Leo was right—maybe this really would hurt more if they’d put a name to it instead of just being nebulous in-between Somethings. 

“Do me one favour,” Frank said, “if you get back with Calypso, don’t tell me.”

It was sincere, not a joke in the slightest, but Leo still laughed. “You’re always so possessive. But okay.”

Leo stood up, brushed the dust off his pants. Frank mourned the loss of his warmth and pressure already, but he didn’t say anything about it. He gave Leo a small smile that he really didn’t mean.

“I should probably get ready. I’ll see ya.” For a moment he hesitated, twisting weirdly between the door and Frank, before he dropped to his knees again and kissed Frank soundly on the lips.

His fingers threaded through Leo’s hair, probably for the last time. He’d never see Leo gasp and blush and fluster so cutely ever again, so he was determined to enjoy it—this last kiss that felt like goodbye.

He supposed it was.

When Frank pulled away, Leo chased him, face nudging forward. Seconds later he realised what he was doing and shook his head.

“Go get ready,” Frank said. Then, for the first and last time: “I love you.”

With a small, breathy exhale, Leo ducked his head low. He usually did that when he was crying, but when Frank’s fingers went to brush his cheeks, they were dry. “For what it’s worth, I love you too,” he murmured.

If you love me, why are you leaving me? Frank wanted to say. He supposed it was something only a selfish person would think, so he didn’t speak it aloud. Sometimes he was still scared Leo would find out who he really was.

(Though, at this point, did it even matter?)

Hazel, his mother, his grandmother. They’d loved him as well, and hadn’t they left too? Maybe that was just how life was. Or maybe Frank was the problem. Maybe he just wasn’t the kind of person you loved for a long time.

That night, Frank couldn’t stop feeling Leo’s presence in his room, even long after he was gone.

When morning came, Leo had already left. 

Frank searched everywhere, everywhere he could be, because he’d said that he would leave the following day—not that night . And why would he lie? Frank had failed to remember that this was Leo he was talking about, and he always lied, and most times he could never understand why.

So, that was it. Leo was gone. No grand affair, no big farewell. Like most goodbyes. Sometimes it was a door slamming shut behind a mother. Sometimes it was a sky that stayed empty no matter how hard you looked at it.

He’d risen into the air along with the sun that morning as a falcon, wings beating hard. With sharper eyesight he could see the whole of camp from miles up, the sprawling valley and city.

For a second, he thought of flying after him. Of course, he couldn’t be as fast nor as relentless as Festus, but he’d catch up in a few days. Figuring out where the Waystation was would probably be easy enough.

Most of all, he wanted to see the look on Leo’s face. Would he be angry? Sad? Or would he let himself feel happy, so consumed by euphoria he’d catch fire in that adorable way he always did?

You’re here, he would say, tearily. 

Well, he supposed he would never know. Because after daydreaming about it, he’d flown down, shifted back to human, and went to work.

Morning muster was dull. The meeting in the afternoon was dull. Training, chores, socialisation, paperwork. Dull. Like his heart could still sorely feel the loss, molded around what wasn’t there.

Ignore it, he told himself, and try his best he did. Everything felt like he was just going through the motions, body moving on instinct. The day was not without its fuck-ups, because of this. He wore his cloak the wrong way around. Signed some papers wrong. Lost his sword.

But everyone treated him the same, oblivious to the way his mind was going to shit. In some ways that made him feel better too.

The world kept spinning. And everyone still needed him.

It was a nice day. Productive. When he was done for the day, he went to New Rome and bought a pack of Marlboro Reds. No more Leo to scold him for it anyway. He was gone—their promise was null.

Somehow he found himself far out in the field in front of the Principia. He didn’t remember going there, but maybe he was still feeling awful and dazed because he hadn’t smoked for so long.

This was where Leo had touched down for the first time, Frank realised. That giant aerial warship, Leo’s most magnificent creation (yet far from his most beloved). On it, he’d met Leo for the first time.

He hadn’t hated Leo from the very beginning. In fact, when Leo had been lying on the ship’s deck, sniffling from the way Percy had shouted at him—well, Frank had felt a little sorry for him. He remembered thinking that being blamed for something he didn’t do and messing up like that was exactly the kind of thing to happen to him.

But it wasn’t like he knew how important Leo would be to him, in due time. Three years wasn’t a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like forever ago.

Maybe Frank was just romanticizing things. Seeing it all through rose-coloured glasses when he thought that things could’ve been different.

Leo had shaken his hand that day, and Frank had been surprised at how warm he was. He liked the way Leo’s touch always lingered a second after like a burn.

If I could go through it all over again, Frank thought, I’d do it right. With you.

If he ever told Leo that, he probably wouldn’t believe it.

“Frank,” a voice behind him said, and he turned around to see Hazel. She was still in full armour, presumably from her excursion in the hills scouting for Germani—Frank felt a little bad for forgetting about that. “Hey. I heard Leo left.”

With this topic specifically, Frank couldn’t summon the energy to act all fine. He just shrugged and said, “yeah.” Like, what can you do?

“Sucks,” Hazel said. For the millionth time Frank wondered if Hazel knew what was going on between them. Looking back on it, they were more obvious than they’d realised. Or maybe Leo knew and it was just Frank that was being stupid… “Are you, um, feeling okay?”

“Peachy,” he replied shortly, surprised at his own coldness. He pushed open the pack of cigarettes with his nail and shook one out. 

Looking at it, he remembered how Leo had lit it up for him the last time. The way he’d bent over just slightly, smiling in that asshole way of his. “I’m fine, Hazel, really,” he said after a moment, suddenly aware of how unpleasant he was being. “Just tired.”

Was she here to tell him she was leaving? Going around the world, being happy with someone that wasn’t Frank? Well, he was glad for her. He really was.

It wasn’t her fault, just like it wasn’t Leo’s. Just like it wasn’t his mom’s or his grandmother’s. 

“I’ve decided to… well. Stay for a while.” Hazel rubbed her arm, and Frank actually felt surprised, swivelling around to raise his eyebrows. “I was thinking… I don’t want to leave you alone with all the work. That’d just be shitty of me.”

“You should go, though…” He forced himself to say. “If you’re not happy here, then.”

“I can always go some other time.” She smiled, and he knew she was faking it. The shadows were back, monsters he couldn’t just kill. “Besides, I think I’ll learn to be.”

Frank knew he should argue. It was what a good friend would do.

“Okay,” he said instead.

She waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t, at which point she stuttered out an awkward goodbye and made the trek back up the hill to the principia. Frank scolded himself in his head for being so dismissive yet couldn’t bring himself to follow and apologise.

His hands fumbled with the lighter. Once the thing was lit, he stuck it in his mouth, only then realising he’d burnt himself. A red welt raised on his palm. That was funny—he hadn’t felt it.

The smoke filled his lungs, bringing him the relief he’d been aching for. Hazel had come by just as the sun was setting, and now it was completely dark, nothing but blackness and a few sparse stars.

Where was Leo now, Frank mused. Sleeping on Festus’ back, cheek smushed against the metal? Pulling another all-nighter, making sure they were going the right way? Or maybe at a convenience store, buying food and drink, eyes tired but alive under the fluorescent lights.

Beautiful. Everything about him was. Even in his worst moments, especially at his best. The way he smiled like he knew everything. The way he cared for the littlest things though he acted like he didn’t. The way he looked at Frank, even when they were worlds apart, that made Frank feel like he could’ve conquered the world.

Sipping gingerly at a cup of coffee. Hunched over his worktable. Balancing precariously on a stepladder to set up a prank. Playing darts at a bar. Staying up after a nightmare.  

Frank wanted to be there. No matter where it was, he wanted to be there. Wherever Leo wanted to go he wanted to follow.

He couldn’t, though—he had decided that already. They both had. 

But it was fine. Leo would be happier. Live an easy life, the one he wanted so badly. Smiling, even if it was somewhere Frank couldn’t see it. So Frank was happy too.

He exhaled, watching the smoke drift and dissipate in front of him. 

It hung in the air for a moment, and then it was gone.