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The future was irreversibly warped.
Mizuki strained to hear their own rationalization through their sickeningly rapid heartbeat.
They're not that kind of people. They won't call me weird for dressing cute, they won't ask about my body, they won't call me a boy or a guy or a man or a male, they won't gossip about me like I'm a freakshow...but...
Memories of their friends flashed through their mind on loop, warmth and genuine care in their faces. Even during sad times, or times when Ena was irritated with Mizuki or Mafuyu was despondent, there was still trust, still a willingness to be their friend, to include them, to care for them.
But Ena had given Mizuki a look they had never seen from her before. The sight, with those boys facing them, one of them, one of them, close to her...it was obvious what had just been said.
And the warmth and kindness in Ena's eyes was tainted with shock and pity.
That invasive, unwelcome, unrecognizable feeling of hers would spill into everything now. And, of course, Kanade and Mafuyu would inevitably come to know. Even if Ena was merciful enough not to tell them, the truth would burst out, regardless of Mizuki's wishes, just as it had today. Every word they spoke to Mizuki from this point onward would be dripping with an overly cautious pity. Mizuki wasn't one of them anymore. They were a reject, a freak, taken in by these girls who dared not speak of this pain, this unsightly core piece of their humanity, lest their psyche shatter.
It was an impassable obstacle that Mizuki was forced to face. And knowing they were too weak to confront it, they ran away again.
To Sekai, the only safe place left.
Of course, their ugly, tear-streaked face would not go unnoticed by the inhabitants. Miku reached out and called for them, but Mizuki kept running.
They passed Rin and Len, Rin calling their name and Len echoing her. Mizuki kept running.
Meiko and Kaito gazed at them, saying nothing, but with their question obvious. Mizuki kept running.
For each person they passed, a thread was pulled forcibly from the protective layer sewn into their heart, unraveling it in growing, tightening agony. Even so, Mizuki kept running.
It wasn't long before they reached the water.
Disappear.
Surely, they couldn't drown in this place as they could in the real world. It didn't matter whether they entered.
Mizuki knew they couldn't hide in Sekai. They weren't stupid. It would only be a matter of time before Ena arrived to look for them, possibly bringing the others as well. Miku and the other singers, if they hadn't located Mizuki already, would help her look. There were enough of them now that it would take no time at all before Mizuki was found.
The least they could do was not stick out.
They had managed to change clothes before coming here--they hated how that class T-shirt looked on them now--but even so, they were colorful enough to stand out against the empty backdrop of Sekai.
But under the water, they, too, could be colorless.
This lake is made up of Mafuyu's feelings. They remembered Meiko's explanation, but they were able to sink their legs into the water. They glanced at the small, newly sprouted plant nearby, and tried to ignore the sudden urge to rip it out of the ground. This is invasive of me, isn't it? It's selfish to hide in something that isn't even mine. They looked back at the water, their harrowed reflection barely visible. But...this Sekai was born from Mafuyu's feelings too. It's not mine. It was never mine. None of this was ever mine.
Even knowing this, they slid themself forward, and soon submerged themself into the foggy water.
They instinctively closed their eyes, but opened them for a second just to see if they were really underwater. With this, they found that the water didn't sting their eyes. They heard water rushing through their ears, but they barely felt the water flowing against them as they sank. They tried to inhale, but the water came through their nose--they still couldn't breathe in this water. That was fine. They didn't particularly want to breathe anymore.
Mizuki couldn't see the surface through the foggy water, so they had no way of knowing if anyone was looking in. Occasionally, their hand would feel something soft and light in the water, but it was impossible for them to catch a glimpse of it, and it didn't get easier as they sunk deeper and the fog thickened and the water roared louder and their heart beat faster.
Mizuki's instincts forced them to inhale, cough up water, cycle the tasteless, lukewarm fog in and out through their lungs, as their thoughts and their sight slowly faded, a wordless panic in their throat being the last thing they felt.
"Heehee...I found you."
Mizuki was awoken by a mellow giggle from close by, and the sensation of cold, hard, smooth ground beneath them. They opened their eyes to the recognizably blinding void, and their blurry vision focused on a face framed by pink hair looking down at them through deep blue eyes.
"Ah, don't worry--you're not on display." Luka briefly glanced around before focusing back on Mizuki. "I got the impression that you wanted to be hidden, so I told the others to leave you alone, and I took you somewhere a decent walk away from them...but I couldn't leave you struggling in the lake. You understand, don't you?"
Mizuki didn't say anything, their mind still catching up to the present. Was it possible for them to have been able to drown in that lake after all? No, never mind that--why was Luka the one who got them out? Wasn't Mafuyu the only one who could touch things submerged in the lake, or something...?
"Ah, Mizuki...can you hear me?"
Mizuki nodded, not knowing what else to say or do.
"Oh, good. I didn't think the water would have deafened you, but I never really know what to expect anymore." Luka's teasing smile faded, as she rested a hand against her cheek. "For you to have been both willing and able to go that deep into the lake...something must have had a drastic effect on you. That must be why Ena..."
That name shot a blade through Mizuki's heart. They scrambled to sit up, and opened their mouth, but still not knowing what to say, they could only cough, crumpling back to the ground as they struggled to breathe.
"Take it easy, Mizuki...if you're worried about anyone seeing you, it's only me." Luka lowered her voice, and leaned closer. "Are you alright with me touching you? You can just move away and I'll stop."
Mizuki didn't know what Luka knew. But if Luka didn't mention...that at all, it was probably safe. Probably. Maybe. Mizuki nodded, barely knowing the risk.
For now, all Luka did was gently place her hand on their shoulder. They were grateful.
"You will be safe when you leave this place. They care for you very much, they want to be your source of comfort."
Mizuki looked away, their whole body tightening. How could she be so sure? She didn't know what Mizuki had hidden from them. She didn't know the way Ena looked at them. She didn't know the pain of being stripped bare and unraveled, all eyes on their shattered hope.
She didn't know the pain of being human, much less the pain of being something like Mizuki.
"But," Luka continued, "I understand that might not always be easy for you to believe. So, until you're ready to return to the real world...you'll be safe here."
The real world...no, they couldn't face it. No, no, with this last hope severed, of that future where they were loved and included and welcomed, of a friendship unmarred by the pity of someone faced with a stranded animal...
"No, no, no." Mizuki mumbled, curling up into themself. They closed their eyes tightly, remembering those stolen colors. "I can't go, I can't go back." When they were treated like a normal girl, when they could tell no one was scared of saying the wrong thing to set them off. "It's never gonna go back, it's never gonna be the same, it's never getting fixed, I ruined it forever." The banter and teasing through voices that accepted them as a piece of their group, the belief that they were a vital part, the ease of breathing whenever they spoke. "I don't want to be in a world without it. I can't be in a world without it. Not again, not again, I can't go back..."
They ran out of breath, wasted on their sobs, soaking their sleeves. They knew they weren't alone in this place, and that there were people like An and Rui in the real world who still cared for them. But this special belonging they'd finally grasped, and the trust uniting them...the sudden destruction of it all was unbearable.
"Mizuki..." Luka's voice murmured over them. "I don't mean to insult you, and I wasn't there, so I could be wrong, but this total self-isolation...is this not what you wished for Mafuyu to avoid?"
"That's different," Mizuki answered, their voice barely stable enough to be coherent. "That was different. Mafuyu didn't do anything wrong. Ena and Kanade, nothing was ever their fault. I'm the one who messed it up, I'm the one who's unneeded."
"Hm..." Luka began gently stroking Mizuki's ponytail. "And who told you that?"
"They're not going to say it. They're kind people. They're so kind. They'll be so kind to me." Mizuki clenched their hands tightly, their regret breaking into their voice again. "They'll be so kind to me, they'll try and be normal, they'll try and act normal, but I know that they know what I am, they know that part of me, and it'll poison everything, I can't believe you, I can't...!"
They fell apart, over and over. Luka stayed beside them. She'd leave if Mizuki told her to, but they didn't dare. Even if they hated this comfort, even though they hated Luka's deep eyes and Luka's gentle smile and Luka's soothing voice.
In time, Mizuki's cries quieted back down enough for Luka to speak.
"If that's the case...I'm afraid my words are no use to you. You're not going to believe me because I wasn't there, and I don't know everything...that's only fair."
Mizuki expected Luka to leave, but she didn't move. Mizuki raised their heavy head just enough to look back at her. She was smiling again.
"I'll still stay here with you," she said. "As long as you'd like. I'm willing to leave you alone, as well, until you need someone. If you go that deep into the lake again, for example."
Mizuki lowered their head back to the ground. Come to think of it, their clothes were totally dry, other than the tears smeared onto their sweater. "How long was I in the water...?"
"Do you not remember? It was only about a minute, maybe two." Luka paused. "I didn't see you go in, but I imagine if it had been much longer, I wouldn't have been able to get you out in time."
"So..." Mizuki grasped a piece of their pink hair in their fingers. Conpared to Luka's, it was so faded and pale. "If I wanted to, could I have really..."
There was a short, but noticeable silence. Luka understood.
"I don't know. For obvious reasons, I'm not planning to find out." Luka's touch briefly faded, before returning to Mizuki's back. "I don't think you were guaranteed to be in mortal danger. It wasn't necessary to resuscitate you when I got you out. But at the very least, you might get sick. I think it's also possible you'd be warped back to the real world, which doesn't sound so dire, but in this case I don't think that would be welcome."
"Mm..." Mizuki sniffled and closed their eyes. "Then, thank you..."
Their despair had burst out of them, and by now had totally drained them of most of their feeling. The rest of it melted into a dull hopelessness, and their slowing heart had gone from longing for the past to being completely unable to comprehend the future.
Maybe this would be easier. Maybe numbness was better than pain. But it was just as heavy, and they were still unable to face the real world.
If I stopped breathing...if I disappeared...they'd move on without me. They won't miss me like I miss them. Mizuki didn't know if that was true now, but it would certainly become true as they stayed hidden away. That's for the best. I'm a waste of their kindness now. I'll have to find somewhere else to hide.
But for now, they didn't get up and they didn't run away. This could be the last time they'd be given any genuine comfort. This could be the last place where they could exist in peace. This could be the last remnant of any of the past, and the last refuge from the future.
Mizuki doubted that Luka would realize this, but nonetheless, she continued to sit beside them. She had no more questions, and Mizuki knew she had not been lying when she'd said that she would stay as long as Mizuki liked.
Would she stay forever? Would anyone stay forever? Could I ever even imagine a forever...?
Unseen to both of them, through a tiny crack in the ground, another plant had just begun to sprout.