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It was a cold, stormy night when Michelangelo made his way up. It had been really, really bad. Leo had even cancelled their nightly patrol when he saw how bad it was. And he loved patrols!
However, Mikey had managed to sneak right past when they were all distracted. What could he say? He still had that ninja spirit in him, after all! He was still.. still..
His brilliant smile faded as he shuffled to sit on the edge of the roof. The cold, dark reality came back to him. He took a shaky breath, wrapping his arms around himself as he shivered in the chilly air. He looked towards the night sky, swinging his legs off the rooftop. Oh yeah, the reason he was here.
..Mikey always seemed to be different than his brothers.
It had been that way since they were little. He was always by sidetracked and distracted by something. It was like he was in his own little world 24/7.
His world was colorful, energetic and lively. The sun was always up and the wind smelled like a freshly baked pepperoni pizza. He could run around and frolic all he wanted with no duties to attend to. Nobody who would tell him no. A bright smile was always on his face, everything was right. He was cool, strong, and always knew what to do. He was incredibly confident and believed in himself. He was in control.
Evidently, that world was not one his brothers knew.
Even since he was young, it always felt like his brothers' were in on some big joke that he wasn't. There was always something he didn't know or couldn't do. It felt like all eyes were on him, eagerly waiting for the next time he messed up.
He had tried to live in their world so many times, but he could never truly leave that happy land he had created. He could never hope to live up to the standard. He was just.. him.
His brothers loved him, he knew very well, but that positivity couldn't last. It didn't last when the plans Leo made weren't something he could follow. It didn't last when Donnie went on a rant about some complex equation and he couldn't understand the first sentence. It didn't last when Raph blew up at him for a joke that landed wrong. He just couldn't understand.
He had tried so, so hard, but he was always missing something. Always. It could never be simple.
Was trying even worth the effort if failure was all that awaited?
So, when he looked down at the New York City street, filled with dull cars and eardrum-bursting honks, from that tall gray building, he saw his only future.
He wasn't sure he could make it. After all, he couldn't hide in his fantasy land forever, and he was sure he'd fail when that time came. He would be entirely helpless. He wouldn't be able to adapt to what he was supposed to, and maybe his brothers would abandon him when they realized how truly pathetic he was. He would be left in the dust. He'd never make it.
He was nothing compared to his brothers. Their wit, intelligence, and strength were a bar too high for him. They were ready for whatever could come next. ..he wasn't.
..Maybe it would be better to just cut his losses and jump now? If he couldn't fit in this world, then why not leave to another one?
He thought to himself as he stood up, the wind making his orange mask tails flutter behind him. His heart felt dead inside his chest. But he could still feel the parts of himself that held him from jumping.
Everything was going to be okay. He just had to try a bit harder to match his brothers. They'd help him figure it out, he was sure. Death would be scary anyways. Ice Cream Kitty needed him here.
And,
None of this was really a big deal. Why would he bother his brothers to help him with something so easy? He was just being a big baby. Tomorrow, he'd wake up motivated and prepared. This was something everybody went through. It was nothing to cry about, he just had to-
This is how his nights on the roof always ended. He could never get himself to pull that trigger, to finally just do it. Maybe a part of him still held hope. Maybe it was just cowardice. Heh, cowardice. Ninjas weren't supposed to get scared.
After a few minutes, he walked away from the edge as the unhappy tolerance swept over him once again. Why was he so dramatic? It was all so stupid. He needed to just get over it already. He was being totally lame.
..How many times had he told himself this again?
An unsteady, practiced smile took over his muzzle as he hugged himself. He was alright.
He walked away, heading on a path that he knew would take him back to the sewer hatch. His mind rambled and drifted off now and then, maybe to the squeak of the alley rats, maybe to the sounds of purrs of the street cats, but one subject overwhelmed all of him.
He was never going to be able to match up to his brothers.
And he knew, the next time his inadequacy shone through..
he would be right back on the edge.