Chapter Text
Infertile.
The flight back to Grian’s base was solemnly silent. Grian held his fingers lightly over his growing stomach like he could fix the wrong inside him. Scar kept his arm wrapped around him the entire time.
They arrived at Grian’s nest and Grian immediately cocooned himself in blankets. Scar bent down and kissed him on the forehead. “You gonna be okay like this for a little? I’ll bake some fresh cookies.”
Grian nodded. Scar gave him a smile then set about gathering the ingredients. Grian watched him quietly while he crafted and shaped the cookies. The simple domesticity of the act was comforting, and distracting.
After the cookies were in the oven, Scar put their “cat” disc in the jukebox and returned to Grian. He cuddled up next to him and nuzzled his neck. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
Grian sobbed. With Scar next to him, his emotions spilled over. He held his stomach under the blankets. “Our babies, Scar.”
“Aww, shh, angel.” Scar wrapped his arms around him and kissed him all over his face.
Grian clung to him and let himself cry. These eggs. He thought he and Scar were going to have babies. He wasn’t planning to be a parent, but once his stomach started to swell, he was elated. He proudly showed his tiny bump to Scar and danced with him. And Scar was happy too! He kissed Grian’s belly and told him he would be such a wonderful parent. Then that night, he took advantage of his good mood and excess hormones to fuck him in a mating press and give him the best orgasm ever.
Just like Grian fantasized, Scar was prideful of his mate and showed him and his bump off to everyone. That was when Xisuma pulled them aside for a reality check — allays and vexes couldn’t have offspring together.
Grian felt like he failed. Logically, he knew it wasn’t his fault, but logic didn’t override his deepest instincts to deliver healthy babies for his mate. He’d started to fantasize about nesting with his eggs, then watching little devilish fairies flying around and pulling on Scar’s hair. Then suddenly, all that was gone. To add to his pain, he was afraid that Scar wouldn’t want to stay with him anymore. He couldn’t give him children, so what was he good for?
Scar pulled away to look him in the eyes. He wiped away his tears gently. “Grian…I didn’t realize how much you wanted these kids.”
Grian sniffled. “What d- really?” Suddenly, his stomach sank. “Did you not…want them?”
Scar shook his head immediately. “No no no, I did! I just- I wasn’t planning it. I just wanted you. I didn’t exactly…think things through when I set that trap for you.” He scratched the back of his head sheepishly with that little Forgive me? smile on his lips.
Grian giggled, his tears drying. He loved that Scar could always make him smile and laugh, even in the worst times. He tugged at Scar’s ear. “Idiot. Guess I can’t expect much else with you.”
Scar’s nose scrunched as he smiled. Then he returned to being serious. “But I promise when you told me, I was so happy. I was excited to have kids with you! And I mean, seeing you like this…” Scar’s eyes traveled up and down Grian’s body unabashedly. Grian blushed and squirmed under his gaze. Scar continued, “It, um…it’s hard to describe. It just- it makes me really happy and I wanna take care of you.”
Grian’s face burned brightly as he shrunk into himself. He felt all the warm fuzzy feelings, oh this was just what he wanted — for Scar to choose to be his mate and absolutely dote on him. He grabbed Scar and plopped a big kiss on his cheek. “Shut up, you.”
Scar smiled affectionately. Grian grinned at him. “So you’re gonna stay?”
Scar looked genuinely surprised. “Of course! Did you think-? Grian, I wanted to nest with you to take care of you and be with you. Not just- not just ‘cause I thought you were carrying my babies.”
Grian’s eyes widened. “Really? Well, good.” He cuddled up against Scar’s shoulder.
Scar giggled. He stroked Grian’s hair. “Of course, my cute little fairy. Babies would have been nice but…I don’t think we’re responsible enough for kids.”
Grian laughed. “You’re probably right. You as a dad? No way.”
They fell into a laughing fit and hugged each other. Since he was pressed to Scar’s body, Grian became conscious of his little bump again and was reminded of his loss, but it didn’t hurt so much anymore. He still had Scar, his mate, and wasn’t that wonderful?
The timer Grian had added to the furnace after Scar burnt the cookies once went off, and Scar leapt up to take the tray out using mitts. He set them on top of the furnace, blew on them a bit, then picked one up with a cloth.
“Hot, hot, hot!” He did a little dance as he delivered the cookie to Grian, who was laughing at him.
Grian blew on the cookie then bit into it. “Mm!” Gooey, sweet, and melty, just the way he liked, even if the chocolate burnt his tongue a little. Grian gobbled up the cookie and pressed a chocolaty kiss to Scar’s cheek. “Thank you, dear.”
Scar blushed deeply and smiled. “You’re- you’re- you’re very welcome, Grian!”
Grian giggled and hugged him again. He put a hand over his belly. “You’ll be with me when I lay?”
Scar wrapped his arm around him and stroked a hand down his wings. “Oh, of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Grian smiled. He was probably glowing like a lightbulb and hid his face in Scar’s shirt to cover it up. Scar let him hide as he pet his wings. He brought his other hand to Grian’s belly.
“They might not be our babies, Grian, but they’re still our eggs. And I’ll be here the whole time.”
Tears spilled from Grian’s eyes again, but this time, out of happiness.
Scar kept to his promise. He slept with Grian in his nest and attended his every need like a butler during the day. Whether he wanted more cocoa beans, fresh flowers, or more shiny things, Scar flew off to fetch it for him and always returned with a smile (and sometimes injuries or another Hermit yelling his ear off). Slowly, Grian’s belly grew, and he learned to embrace the pride and joy being gravid gave him without the expectation of children. And Scar helped him greatly with that. He slow danced with him, kissed his stomach, and praised him endlessly. Even other Hermits told him he was glowing, more than usual, that is.
When the time came, Scar was right there.
“Unnh! Hurts, Scar,” Grian whined.
“Shh, baby, I know. Keep your legs spread, there we go.”
Grian’s legs were splayed on the floor of his nest. Scar held him from behind and massaged his stomach in a downward direction. Grian could feel the first egg heavy in his womb. It was slowly dropping as his body clenched. He didn’t expect it to be this slow, was something wrong? He whined and pressed against Scar.
As if reading his mind, Scar shifted his hands to Grian’s thighs and told him, “Relax, baby. It’ll be okay, you can do it.”
“Oh!” Grian cried out. The egg slid down until the widest part was at his entrance.
“Baby, I can see it. Just push a bit more.”
Grian sobbed. “Scar.”
Scar kissed his sweaty temple and squeezed his hips. “You can do it. Come on, angel.”
“Ahh!”
Finally, the egg popped out and landed on the bundle of wool blankets they prepared. Grian looked down at the palm-sized, glowing blue egg with immense pride. Oh, it was perfect. His, their, perfect egg. He was panting and wet with sweat and slick, but he’d never felt happier.
“Aww, Grian, you’re amazing!” Scar cooed. He kissed his cheek. “So good, so good.”
Grian sighed and leaned back against Scar. He was barely able to catch his breath before he felt another big cramp and yelled out.
“Oh, is that the next one? You’re being so good for me, G. C’mon, I know you can do it. You’re amazing, you’re so amazing.
“Ohh , Scar!”
Wrapped up in blankets and Scar’s arms, Grian sat back and admired their clutch of five perfect eggs. He felt so, so proud and happy. After he laid the last egg and felt his body relax, Scar cleaned him up with wet cloths and fed him cookies (along with more substantial foods). Scar offered to watch the eggs while Grian took a break, but Grian didn’t want to leave them for a second. Which was fine, because Scar didn’t really want to let go of him.
Scar kissed him repeatedly. “You did amazingly. So well. So perfect. My mate.”
Grian trilled happily and kissed Scar back. “We have eggs, Scar! Our eggs!”
He floated over and laid next to them. Allay eggs didn’t need incubation, just protection and mild weather. He cooed and reached out a hand to gently stroke the top of each one. Scar laid down on the other side of the nest and stared at their eggs adoringly.
“Should we name them? Or is that weird?”
Grian felt a pang of sadness, but it wasn’t enough to disrupt his bliss. “Mm, a bit weird. Obviously I would name them if…you know.”
“I know.” Scar made eye contact with him. He reached around for Grian’s hand. “You’re happy, right?”
Grian squeezed his hand. “Very. And tired.”
Scar giggled. “Of course. Well, you can doze off whenever you like, I’ll stay awake with them if you want.”
Grian yawned. “No, that’s okay. We should be safe from any mobs and no one would harm them. We’ll hear if someone comes.”
Scar smiled softly. “Okay. I’m glad ‘cause I’m kinda pooped too. Not as much as you, obviously. Just a lot of emotions.”
Grian yawned again and waved him off. “Yeah, yeah, you’re allowed.”
Scar laughed. “Whatever you say, princess.”
With his eyes now closed, Grian smiled at the nickname.
“Oh um, one more thing before you fall asleep?” Scar asked.
Grian cracked one eye open. Initially, he was peeved to be disrupted, but as soon as he saw Scar’s soft and nervous expression, he melted.
“I love you,” Scar said.
Grian hesitated a moment before replying, “I love you too.”
The pair closed their eyes and fell asleep next to their eggs.
Grian knew they couldn’t keep the eggs forever. It was a bit of an awkward reality, but at some point they would rot and he didn’t want to see them like that. But he and Scar savored the time they had with the eggs. They spent all spring nesting with them, cooing over them, cuddling, and musing about things they would do with the children after they hatched. They were bittersweet fantasies, but Grian wanted to indulge them while he could. They both grew fiercely protective over the nest and didn’t have guests over, but luckily the other Hermits respected their space.
Grian didn’t know that having a mate could be this good. Well, not just any mate, Scar. Scar was so sweet and attentive; he really made Grian feel like a princess. He praised him over and over for laying such a healthy clutch, let him rest whenever he wanted, and was generous with physical affection. Grian particularly liked when Scar rubbed his belly and nibbled on his ear. In turn, he hoped he pleased Scar by telling him how protected he felt and letting Scar bite and mark him as he wanted.
When it was almost summer, the time came to say goodbye to the eggs. Grian gathered them up in a blanket while Scar carried a shovel. They picked the spot together – a nice grassy spot between some of Scar’s redwood trees. Grian held the bundle to his chest while Scar dug the hole.
When Scar turned to him, Grian’s eyes welled up with tears. Scar set down the shovel and wrapped his arms around him. “It’s okay, baby. We’re burying them, but we’ll always keep them in our hearts.”
Grian sniffled. “I know.” He opened the top of the bundle and kissed each egg at its point. “Goodbye, my lovelies.”
He gently set the eggs down in the hole, a piece of his heart breaking. He held himself as Scar covered them with dirt. As soon as they were buried and Scar smoothed out the land, he hugged Grian again.
“Oh, G.”
Grian clung to him, letting his quiet tears soak into his shirt.
“Thank you.”
Grian looked up. “For what?”
Scar smiled down at him. “For letting me experience this with you. It was wonderful.”
Grian glowed from the inside out. “Oh. Oh dear. Well, you’re welcome. And thank you. You were wonderful.” He watched with pleasure as Scar blushed and smiled bashfully.
Grian buried his face in Scar’s chest and felt Scar kiss the top of his head. Wind blew through the redwoods, scattering needles and stirring up their warm scent. This might have been the end of their eggs, but it certainly wasn’t the end of their relationship. And maybe…they could have another clutch next spring.