Chapter Text
Chapter 2
For some odd reason, I felt bold. Bolder than I had ever been in my life. And I even thought me saying “I love you” to Peeta before he ever did was bold.
But this was a different feeling.
I watched my shaky hands give the gorgeous Finnick Odair his cold brew with sugar cubes. He did not seem to wipe that smile off his face. I was honestly hoping he wouldn’t because it was as if I was staring at the prettiest sunset.
His smile was so beautiful. The way his dimples formed, the way he looked so happy, the way he just carried himself as he smiled stood out to me. It was different from any other smile I’ve seen. And the idea that I may be the thing causing him to smile makes my heartbeat increase with excitement.
“Here you go, Finnick. I hope I put enough sugar cubes in there for you,” I say without taking my eyes off his mouth. God, the urge to kiss this stranger is strong…
“Thank you, Katniss. I’m sure you did an amazing job making my coffee.” Fuck, I feel screwed. Get it the fuck together.
Maybe two seconds went by until he started walking over to a table. Of course, he had to sit right where the sun was shining just to torment me even more with his beauty. I couldn’t help but stare. I’m assuming he probably feels claustrophobic with the way I’m staring at him.
Haymitch returned from the back and surprised me with a huge pat on my shoulder. “Thanks, Girl on Fire. I knew you could handle the few minutes I was gone,” he said with a chuckle.
I gave him a glance with a grin, but then retrieved back to watching Finnick. He was one of those people you could just “people-watch.” I wonder if Haymitch would think the same as me.
“Haymitch,” I gave a small point to Finnick, and Haymitch followed my direction. “Do you see that guy over there?”
“Yes, that’s Finnick Odair,” he said matter-of-factly.
This puzzled me… he said that as if he knew who Finnick was.
“Do you know him?” I finally looked away from Finnick and was looking at Haymitch. I genuinely was curious… and if Haymitch did know him, I could use this to my advantage…
“I know of him. Didn’t you hear the news about him two years ago?”
Of course I didn’t. I was too busy sulking in my depression. I didn’t have any thought other than Peeta for a majority of last year. And why would I watch the news after what they had done to me two years ago?
“No. What happened?” I asked with a sudden worry that there was something bad about Finnick. Maybe not bad about him, but something bad that happened to him.
Haymitch went over and grabbed a coffee mug. To ease his alcoholism, he likes to drink a nice cup of coffee every now and then. I watched him pour the hottest possible coffee I’ve ever seen in that mug.
“His wife was killed because of a car accident. Some drunk driver had run a stop light, causing her to swerve and hit the guardrail.”
I felt my breath being taken out of my lungs. Automatically, my mind went back to Peeta and how he was killed in a car accident. Because of a drunk driver. I could feel my eyes watering. How can he smile like that after his wife died? How can he appear like nothing happened?
“Wh-What? Are you serious, Haymitch?” I asked. I felt a single tear roll down my cheeks.
He sighed and took a slow sip of the coffee as he nodded. “It was quite tragic. She didn’t die immediately, but she died the next day from her injuries. They never figured out who ran the red light, but I can only imagine the fate of that person.”
I looked back at Finnick. He still looked as happy as he could be. He was drinking his cold brew, and I watched him swallow with pleasure. He didn’t appear sad. He doesn’t look like how I look right now after losing Peeta two years ago.
But, of course, I have no idea what is going through his mind. The way he appears around others could most definitely be the opposite of how he is truly feeling.
I wanted to go talk to him. I wanted to talk to him about my experience. I wanted to learn more about how he is okay on the outside…
“I’m gonna go talk to him,” I said as I had already started walking towards Finnick slowly. Of course, the closer I got to him, the shakier I got. Just merely a few minutes ago I was standing relatively close to him. Now, I’m going to be sitting face-to-face with him… talking about our deceased spouses. What a great way to formally introduce myself to him.
He caught on that I was walking up to him as he saw the reflection in the window. Did his smile get bigger?
“Hi, Katniss,” he says with the same charm he had a few minutes ago.
I pull out the chair in front of him and sit down steadily. I have a huge fear of embarrassing myself and I did not want to risk missing the chair.
“Hello, Finnick… um, is it okay if I sit here?” He was looking deep into my eyes. I almost couldn’t handle it. “W-With you?” Of course I had to throw that in! Way to go, Katniss.
“I don’t mind whatsoever. I very much would enjoy the company,” he says. He takes a small sip of his cold brew… the cold brew I felt jealous of for some reason.
We kind of sat there in silence. Awkwardly. Maybe a few minutes went by. Maybe ten minutes. I’m honestly not quite sure but it felt long. With me glancing into his eyes… then his mouth… then to Haymitch… then out the window. How exactly was I supposed to start this conversation? I had never talked to someone about a shared experience of losing a spouse. It was still surreal to me that I did lose my spouse.
But as awkward as the silence was, it was the purest silence. Even with the one or two other people in the shop and Effie and Haymitch working the register, it felt like the most innocent silence. I could hear my heartbeat in my eyes. The beats intensified each time I kept looking into Finnick’s eyes. I think it was his general presence, his soft breaths through his nose, and the lovely, small sips of his coffee that made the silence so pure.
What to say… what to say…? Okay I am going to start this conversation…
And… Finnick is just smiling at me, dimples just as beautiful as they were seconds before.
Now .
“So tell me about your wife. Haymitch told me she passed away two years ago in a…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence without Finnick’s smile fading slowly after I said “wife.” Shit . I must’ve reached the breaking point. “C-Car accident?” I say with a slight voice crack. This was even hard for me as today is the anniversary of Peeta’s death.
I captured my hands together slowly. It was astonishing how quickly Finnick’s body language changed in the matter of seconds. He still took a sip of his coffee. I could see his eyes starting to water. Not as much as mine would if he were to reverse the statement to me, but it was still noticeable from two feet away.
“I’m sorry,” I squeaked. I looked down at my hands. They seemed to give me much more comfort than Finnick’s sad eyes at the moment.
I heard him sigh. It was a deep sigh, one that you could hear the slight shakiness in it. It was as if he didn’t know how to respond to me. It makes sense, I wouldn’t either.
“My girl… Annie,” he starts with his voice soft, as if he’s trying to be as quiet as the shop. “Annie was my wife. Unfortunately, she was taken away from me and my son by an inconsiderate human being.” Now Finnick has a son? No wonder this death absolutely kills him. “Ever since then, it has been hard for me and my son to live without her.”
I could see a few tears slipping out of his eyes. I unlocked my hands and held his open hand. I wanted him to be comfortable with telling his story. I wanted to learn from him. I wanted to care for him .
“Finnick… I’m so sorry. How old is your son?”
Another sip of his coffee. “He’s 4. He was 2 when she passed away. We had just celebrated his birthday together the week before. Only for it to be one of the last memories of us together.” I saw him bite the inside of his cheek. He was trying not to cry. I felt my thumb running across his hand, trying to ease his sadness. He started to look out the window, the sun shining on his falling tears.
I cleared my throat. His story sounds somewhat similar to mine. We had just celebrated my birthday not too long before Peeta had passed away.
“I lost my husband two years ago, too.” Finnick’s eyes met mine and I could see his mouth slightly open in shock. “Same reason as yours. In your words, inconsiderate human being .”
“Katniss, I’m so sorry. What was your husband’s name?”
Why did it feel like I am doing the exact same thing Finnick did when I was asking him the same questions? I took a shaky, deep sigh. I could feel the stinging of tears in my eyes. I really loved talking about Peeta, but also hated it at the same time. Sharing this pain with some stranger almost made it harder to handle.
“ Peeta. Peeta Mellark.”
Finnick is slowly nodding at me. I could tell he was listening to me and relating to my feelings. It was nice, also, to have someone who understands what you’re going through. Not everyone has the same experience of losing a loved one, especially a spouse that you had not married too long beforehand. I found it insanely coincidental that he and I lost our spouses because of the same reason… around the same time.
It kinda made me wonder if the driver that killed Peeta is the one that caused Annie’s death.
“With my deepest condolences, I am sorry for your loss. I am sure you were Peeta’s entire world,” he says softly. His tone is still matching the quiet atmosphere.
I gave him a small smile. “Thank you. Same to you, I am sure Annie loved you more than anything.” He tried to put a smile on his face and show that he is strong, but I wasn’t buying it. It’s easy to see how someone feels by looking into their eyes.
Finnick’s eyes screamed sadness. Depression. Sleep deprivation. Pain . It didn’t matter if he had a smile. It was not hiding what he was thinking. I felt guilty for having our first conversation together be about our deceased spouses.
“I’m really sorry for bringing this up. Haymitch just knew who you were because of the news about your wife and because I lost my husband the exact same way, I just thought I should hear your story and ask how you handle it because I am in such desperation of happiness again.” I’m basically rambling to Finnick. I can feel my saliva about to fall out of my mouth because of how quickly I’m talking. I could see his eyes widen a touch with how much I was spitting out to him. “I haven’t been the same ever since Peeta died. I am not the same Katniss he married. But I know Peeta wants that for me, and since I finally found someone who I can relate to, I just wanted to hear how you handle your life with this great impact on it.”
Another sip of his coffee. I’m not quite sure how he isn’t done with it by now. It seems every time we hit a sensitive spot in the conversation, his sips become more frequent, as if he’s trying to avoid the conversation. “I tell myself to be myself. Be the same I was when I had Annie. She would want that for me. She would want that for Sam.”
“Sam?” I question.
Another small smile formed on his face. “My boy.” His smile grew wider. “My son keeps me moving on. He needs a father to be there for him and take care of him. Just because we’re sad doesn’t mean we stop moving forward. I have the rest of Sam’s life to help him grow and develop into the man Annie and I want him to be. I still have to be his father.”
Maybe Finnick is a therapist or motivational speaker for a living. Something about the few sentences he said gave me a whole new perspective on life. A new perspective that I wanted to act on immediately. I don’t have any kids or people at home to help keep me moving on, but I have my family and co-workers to help me. I know Peeta would want me to be the same Katniss he married. The one that was fearless and happy and never afraid to take a chance in life. There was something about the way Finnick said those sentences that gave me hope.
Then I felt bold. Again. “Can I have your phone number, Finnick?”
He let out the most beautiful chuckle. I couldn’t help but chuckle back. “Why me? I’m honestly not that interesting of a person, Katniss. There isn’t much to me.” Why did he talk about himself like that?
“That’s not what I see. I see something in you, and I want to get to know you more. May I please have your phone number?” I grab a napkin from the napkin dispenser and grab the pen out of my apron pocket. I could sense the joy on his face as I was writing down my own phone number on the napkin.
When I finished writing my phone number, I gave him the napkin. I watch his eyes scan my handwriting. He looked back up at me, but not with the sad eyes I had seen just minutes prior, but with eyes that had a sparkle in them.
I stand up from the table and push my chair in. As I’m smiling back at him, I say, “Please send me a text or something. There’s much more I want to learn about you. I would like to have you in my life, no matter what the relationship is.”
I wasn’t sure if I believed in love at first sight, but every time I see Finnick smile, it makes me question if I do. I am in love with his smile. It made me feel warm inside. Comfortable .
I started walking back to the register and I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself. I could feel Finnick smiling behind me and I could hear him chuckle softly. It made me think that there was a chance of having Finnick be a part of my life.
Being bold today was the best decision I had made in two years.