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"I want a baby."
Xaden startled at the sound of Violet's voice, so soft and wistful. He knew her well enough now that he didn't think it was possible for her to surprise him anymore, but sometimes she still managed it.
"Vi," he said, unsure if he'd heard her correctly.
"I want a baby," she repeated, tipping her head to the side to rest against his bicep. She was staring across the ballroom at a young woman with an infant, maybe six months old, sitting on her hip.
"That one specifically?" Xaden asked dryly. "Or will any one do?"
"Yours would be preferred," she said.
He slipped his arm around her waist, resting his palm low on her hip. "I can't tell if you're being serious."
No—he could. She was. He just wasn't sure if he wanted her to be.
They'd talked about a family before, mostly in the abstract. Violet had been honest that she wanted children someday, but she'd always been clear that she wanted to be married to him first, and she wouldn't bring a kid into the middle of a war. That wasn't something Xaden wanted either, so they'd always been careful.
But they'd been married for nearly a year now, and Tyrrendor had been an independent country for even longer. War hadn't been on their doorstep for twelve months exactly, which is what they were all celebrating tonight.
"I am," Violet murmured. She lifted her head to look at him. "Is that something you. . . would want?"
"I don't know," he admitted. He'd avoided thinking about it. He'd told Violet previously of his reservations; her response had been that he was family enough for her, and even if he was never certain she would be okay with that.
He knew that, ultimately, he would give her everything she wanted. If she wanted twelve kids, he'd give them to her, and wait on her hand and foot through every moment of each pregnancy. If she wanted to adopt, to offer a home to kids without one, he would change every room in the house until there were bedrooms for them all. Violet would be a perfect mother.
He just wasn't sure he would be a good father, even though he wanted to be one.
Violet's face softened. She didn't have to read minds to read him. She reached up, taking Xaden's face in her hand. He leaned into the touch, turned his head to kiss her palm.
"I'm just thinking out loud," she said. "You don't have to agree."
"I know." Another kiss, pressed to the sensitive skin of the inside of her wrist. "I think we could. . . see what happens."
Her eyes lit up, but her voice was still cautious when she said, "Are you sure?"
He held her hand against his face and bent to kiss her mouth, a gentle brush of lips. "I'm sure about you."
***
After three months of neither of them taking the fertility suppressant, Xaden woke up and found Violet's side of their bed empty. The only sign she'd been there at all was the rumpled covers, and the blood on the sheets.
He rolled out of bed immediately. "Violet?" he called, a low note of anxiety in his voice he couldn't mask.
"In here." Her voice came from behind the closed bathroom door, sounding distinctly disgruntled. "Just a minute."
He waited, hands braced on the door frame, for far longer than a minute before she emerged and nearly ran straight into his chest.
"Fuck, Xaden." She caught herself, her hands on his waist.
"You okay?" He scanned her for any sign of injury or distress, but she seemed well, if a bit annoyed. Her hair was loose, and she was wearing one of his shirts. He couldn't spot an injury on her, and there was plenty of exposed skin.
"Fine." But she leaned into him, snuggling into his chest like a cat.
He stroked a hand over her hair. "There's blood on the sheets. I was worried."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'll make sure they get washed."
His hand paused, and he stared down at her. "I'm not worried about a stain. I was worried something was wrong."
"My cycle's back," she explained, sounding dejected. She pressed on her toes to nuzzle her face into his neck.
"Oh." The realization hit him. He knew that with her off the fertility suppressant, it would happen eventually, but even Violet hadn't been sure when it would return. "So you're not—"
"No." She cut him off, her voice just shy of brittle.
When she'd gone the first month without bleeding, she refused to entertain the idea that she might be pregnant. By the second, she'd seemed cautiously optimistic, but it had been too soon to tell.
Xaden supposed this was their answer.
"But we knew," she continued, her voice too bright to be genuine, "that it might take a while."
He twisted his fingers in her hair but said nothing. Her arms squeezed around his ribs, holding him a little too tight. He let her stand there for a long time before he eventually untangled himself from her hold. "Come on," he said softly. "I'll run us a bath."
***
As the months passed, Xaden watched the light leave Violet's eyes. Every time her cycle came, it seemed to take a greater toll on her; not physically, but mentally. To her, it was proof that her body was betraying her in yet another way.
He didn't know what to do, other than hold her close. She only talked about it in the dark, and sometimes not even out loud. Often she preferred to keep the words in the intangible space between their minds, like that would make the pain less.
"I think I'm broken," Violet whispered one night. It was past midnight, but Xaden had remained stubbornly awake, even with Violet in his arms. He knew she wasn't sleeping either, even before she spoke.
"You're not broken, Vi," he said, his voice rough. He swallowed thickly and pulled her closer. Her face, when she pressed it against his neck, was damp.
"I am," she said, the sound of her tears creeping into her voice. "My body. . . I've always been weak. I'm sick, I'm falling apart. I can't do things everyone else can do." Finally her voice broke. "I can barely ride a dragon. Some days I can't get out of bed without being in so much pain I'd rather not exist. Now I can't—" She sobbed. "I want a family with you, and I can't even do that right. I can't give you children."
"Don't," Xaden said. "Don't talk about yourself like that."
"Xaden—"
"Don't," he repeated harshly. He rolled them over, bracing himself above Violet on his elbows as he took her face in his hands. "Look at me, Vi."
She did, her eyes wet. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she gripped his wrists, her nails digging into his skin. "I want this," she whispered, "so badly."
"I know," he said, blinking against the burning behind his eyes. It was fruitless; a tear slipped free, sliding down the side of his nose. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tipped forward to press his forehead to hers. "I want to give you the whole fucking world. I want you to have everything you've ever wanted. But you are enough for me. Just you, Violet Sorrengail, just as you are. I don't need anything else. You're my family."
She made a low hiccuping sound. "Riorson," she said. "My last name is Riorson now."
He laughed, and it got stuck in his throat and came out like a sob. "Violet Riorson," he corrected. "I love you more than anything in this world. You're not broken, love."
Her mouth trembled. "But what if I am?"
"Then I'll put you back together," he promised. "Whatever that looks like, whatever you need—but you're not doing it without me."
***
Xaden didn't consider himself a religious man, but he found himself stopping by the Temple of Amari more and more frequently.
The stories said that the goddess didn't like sacrifices other than the time of her followers, but he took things with him anyway, little trinkets and bobbles. Never money, or food, but small, personal things he thought were more likely to please Amari, or at the very least get her attention.
The temple was empty when he went in. He took a seat in the front pew, his elbows braced on his knees and his head bent low. Amari loomed above him from the dais, her beautiful form cast into marble, but he couldn't make himself look at the statue. He had a hairpin in his hands—one of Violet's old ones he'd stolen from her desk in her first year at Basgiath—that he rolled between his fingers. The ends were worn smooth, the silver tarnished in spots. He'd taken it after their first night together because he hadn't expected to ever have another with her. Violet didn't know he had it.
It was difficult to part with. He couldn't pretend it wasn't. But every time he'd been here in the past months—more often than he would admit aloud to anyone—he'd brought something of his, and his prayers weren't for himself. They were for Violet, just as everything in his life was, and so it made sense that he brought something this time that had once belonged to her.
Still, he couldn't make himself put the pin down on the altar.
When the door opened and shut quietly, he didn't move. When someone sat next to him, he didn't lift his head.
Garrick was uncharacteristically silent. Xaden waited for him to speak, but he didn't. The minutes dragged on, the only sound in the temple their breathing.
"What do you want?" he asked finally, curling his hand into a fist around the hairpin.
Garrick shrugged. Unlike Xaden, he had his head tipped back to study the statue of Amari. She wore flowing robes and a belt of gold, her hair in braids that fell to her waist. She had no crown, no sash, no other finery, but still the queen of the gods was beautiful and terrifying at once. "I'm just here to worship."
Xaden snorted despite himself. Garrick was even less prone to the rituals of religion than he was. Xaden didn't think he even believed, really, and certainly not enough to dedicate time to prayer. Like most riders, he was indifferent toward the gods on a good day and downright blasphemous on a bad one.
"Let me know when you're done," Garrick continued. "Because I will conveniently be finished praying at the same time."
"I'm done," said Xaden, but neither of them moved. He hadn't expected it to work, to be left alone, but it had been worth the try.
Garrick stretched, extending his arm along the back of the pew, behind Xaden's shoulders. Xaden curved away from the touch before it could land, hunching forward even further.
"Are you okay?" Garrick asked quietly.
Xaden nodded wordlessly.
"And Violet?"
After a long pause, he shook his head.
It had been well over a year and a half since they'd decided to try for a baby. Since that first time, her cycle came perfectly on schedule, every twenty-eight days exactly. Never a day early, never a day late. Sometimes, in the weeks between, it was like she'd forgotten, but the first day of bleeding was always the hardest. It was a reminder neither of them wanted.
Xaden hated the look on her face: the one of shame, like it was her fault somehow. Like she'd done something wrong to earn this. But even worse than that was the sadness and the disappointment. She wanted their family to grow. She wanted to grow their family, to bring their baby into the world, and she thought she was a failure because it hadn't happened yet.
They'd seen healers, but the answers they received were unclear. Violet's illness was so unique that no one knew what to make of it—of her. Those visits always left her looking small and withdrawn, so unlike herself, and so Xaden had insisted on no more healers. It left them in an odd limbo, both content with what they had and yet still craving more.
"What happened?" Garrick murmured.
"We've been—" Xaden paused. "We've been trying to have a baby."
They hadn't told anyone of their struggles. Well, Xaden thought Rhiannon knew, because Violet told her everything, but he had never said the words aloud. It was expected of them to have an heir, but he didn't care for others' opinions, and besides, it felt like a violation of his marriage, of Violet's trust in him, to tell others about this thing that was so personal to them. This was theirs, and he was fiercely protective of it. If they had a baby, if they didn't—no matter what, they were doing it together, and no one else deserved to know.
Garrick was quiet for a long moment, weighing his words before he responded. "And she hasn't been able to get pregnant?"
"No." The word sounded like shattering glass, brittle and sharp-edged.
Garrick leaned forward, mirroring Xaden's pose. He knocked his shoulder into Xaden's, and Xaden felt himself relaxing at that small touch.
"She wants a baby," he continued softly. "She wants my baby."
"Surely she could do better."
Xaden snorted, pressing his closed fists to his eyes. "She really could, couldn't she?"
"I mean, probably," Garrick said flippantly. "But she seems pretty attached, and I think you'd fall apart without her, so thank Amari she loves you back."
Xaden had. Many times.
"Literally," Garrick added. "Thank you, Amari." From the corner of his eye, Xaden watched him tip a little two-fingered salute to the goddess' statue.
The strangled sound he made almost sounded like laughter. "Fuck. You're an idiot."
"I wasn't aware that was up for debate." Garrick knocked his shoulder against Xaden's, harder this time. "You'd be a really great dad, you know."
"I hope I get the chance to find out if that's true," Xaden murmured.
"You will," said Garrick, with so much conviction that Xaden almost believed that he was right. "It's you and Violet. You two defy every possible odd. You'll beat this one, too, when the time is right."
Xaden couldn't help but ask, "And if we don't?"
"Then you don't," Garrick replied steadily. "Sometimes we don't get what we want, but you know as well as I do that families don't have to look one specific way. You and Violet will make it through this."
Xaden closed his eyes. The edge of the hairpin dug into his palm, sharp and unyielding. "Thank you," he said roughly.
"Any time." Garrick gave him another little nudge, and then climbed to his feet. "Come on. I think I'm getting hives just being in here. Let's get lunch."
"I'll be right behind you," Xaden said.
Garrick studied him for a moment, head tilted, and then he nodded and turned and left, shutting the door behind him.
In the silence, Xaden bowed his head and closed his eyes. Please, he begged. Please. For her.
He left the hairpin on the altar on his way out.
***
Three years after the end of the war found Xaden dancing with Violet in the dark, no music to guide them.
The party had ended hours before, but they'd lingered to say goodbye to the guests, and then stayed longer to share a leftover piece of cake, sitting on the floor in a dim corner, uncaring that crumbs were getting all over Violet's beautiful gown as they passed the fork back and forth. When they'd finished eating, Xaden wiped frosting off her bottom lip with the pad of his thumb, and then leaned it to kiss the taste of it away.
Violet responded gorgeously to his touch, her mouth parting, her spine arching so she could press closer to him. She made a pretty little sound, a gasp that he swallowed before he coaxed another one from her. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her fingers digging into the back of his neck.
"Let's go upstairs," she'd said, but Xaden didn't want that just yet.
He leaned back far enough to say, "Dance with me first."
She blinked at him, and then her eyebrows furrowed. "There's no music."
"I know." He climbed to his feet and reached a hand down for her, careful as he pulled her upright so she didn't step on her dress. She followed him willingly to the center of the ballroom, and Xaden's heart beat a little harder at the display of casual, blind trust. Her heels were loud on the marble floor, louder than the whisper of fabric over top of itself. When he drew her in, her head fit perfectly beneath his chin.
They were too close for propriety, but there was no one to seem them, and he didn't like holding her any other way. As if he could want her any way except as close as he could possibly get her, skin to skin and heart to heart.
Violet hummed under her breath as they swayed, an old song he'd heard her sing a hundred times, something her father had sung to her as a girl. She was a little out of tune, and it wasn't the best for dancing, but Xaden just closed his eyes and moved to the sound of her voice.
She stopped after a while, but they kept dancing. She had her ear pressed to her favorite spot—over Xaden's heart, listening to it beat. Her fingers tapped against the backs of his knuckles, her thumb stroking over his. She was always restless even in stillness, and Xaden loved the way she moved, the little displays of energy and thought she could never quite contain.
"I love you," she whispered.
The hand he had wrapped around her hip tightened, bunching the excess fabric of her dress in his fist as he urged her a step closer. She went willingly, lifting her head. With her face turned up to his, he couldn't stop himself from leaning down and kissing her. "I love you, too, Violet."
***
Xaden was pretty sure he'd forgotten something, but he checked the bag in his hand again and—no, it was all there. Violet's favorite chocolates, and a painkiller he'd swiped from the healer's office if he could convince her to take it, and a sewn fabric bag of rice he'd heat before fire if he couldn't, to help with her cramps and aches. She hurt worse on her cycle, not that she'd ever admit to it.
But when he opened the door to their bedroom, she wasn't there.
He peered in the bathroom just to be sure she wasn't out of his sight, but she still didn't appear. He did the math in his head again, counting backwards. He was right, he knew he was. Twenty-eight days. She should've been curled up in bed, napping through the worst of her cramps.
He reached for the glittering silver thread that lived in the back of his mind. "Where are you, Violence?"
"Hi," she said instead of answering the question. Her voice was warm and fond. "I'm outside with Andarna."
"Are you feeling alright?" He eyed the bag in his hand, and ultimately decided to leave it sitting on the desk before he turned and left the room again. She sounded happy, as content as she ever was.
"I'm fine. Why?" She sounded pleasantly confused, a bit distant. Probably trying to have a conversation with Andarna and him at the same time.
Xaden's heart climbed up his throat. "Just wondering. You're in the valley?"
Violet hummed, a wordless affirmation. He followed that noise and the thread between them, making the long hike up to the field Andarna and Violet liked to rest in on warm afternoons. He found them there easily enough, Violet dwarfed on either side by Tairn and Andarna. Sgaeyl was with them, napping in the sun, her wings extended wide to absorb all the warmth she could.
Sgaeyl didn't stir as Xaden passed her, and he didn't dare touch her and risk waking her. He went straight to Violet, savoring the smile on her face when she spotted him approaching. He skirted around Andarna, ignoring the glare she shot him.
"Hi." She held still as he neared, tipping her face up expectantly. He kissed her gently.
"Hey." He brushed a loose strand of her hair out of her face. She shivered when his fingers trailed along the sensitive skin behind her ear. "Do you know what day it is?"
Her face scrunched. "Tuesday?"
"Your cycle is supposed to come today."
Violet's frown deepened. "No, I've got at least another. . ." She trailed off, deep in thought as she did the same math Xaden had already done four times. Her lips moved as she mouthed numbers to herself, counting silently. She stopped, swallowed, her throat bobbing. Her hand landed on Xaden's shoulder, then slid down his arm until she could grip his fingers and squeeze.
"I'm probably just late," she said in a quiet voice.
Xaden hesitated. In over two years, she'd never been late. And she always knew. The days leading up to it, she had obvious symptoms; she was more tired, more sensitive, and her joints ached persistently. This past week, now that he thought about it, he'd noticed none of that.
After a moment of deliberation, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. She sighed quietly.
"You're not."
Xaden startled at the voice. It wasn't Sgaeyl's, wasn't Tairn's. Very slowly, he turned, and found that Andarna's large golden eyes were already on him.
"What?" Violet whispered.
Andarna tilted her head, the motion distinctly cat-like despite her huge size. She took a step forward and lowered her head until her nose was level with Violet's stomach. "I can smell the difference," she said. "You're pregnant. You have been for almost six weeks. I assumed you were aware and were waiting to share. I know it scares you."
Xaden was so rooted in place by the shock of Andarna speaking to him he didn't know what to say. Violet's eyes were huge in her face. She lifted her free hand, trembling, and placed it on Andarna's maw.
"No," she said in a shaking voice. "No. I bled last month. The same time as always."
Andarna said nothing. Xaden gripped Violet's hand, too tightly given how much stronger than her he was, how much smaller her fingers were. He didn't know how to let go.
"Tairn," Violet said. When he didn't respond immediately, she snapped, "Tairn!"
Her voice woke Sgaeyl, who lifted her head, watching Violet with narrowed eyes. Xaden positioned himself subtly between the two of them. Sgaeyl was territorial of her mate, but Violet was terrified, and if she was—if she was really—
"Is she?" Xaden demanded of the two older dragons. "Pregnant?"
He watched understanding temper Sgaeyl's anger, felt it in the bond between them.
"Yes," she answered simply.
For a very long moment, Violet didn't move. Xaden couldn't tear his eyes from her face, cataloging every emotion that passed through her eyes. Fear and hope and relief and joy and acceptance.
And then, abruptly, her expression crumbled, and she began to sob. Xaden pulled her close, buried his face in her hair, and cried with her.
***
The healer confirmed it.
"It's called implantation bleeding," she said cheerfully. She sat on a stool between Violet's spread legs, carefully probing and prodding her way through an exam Xaden couldn't even begin to understand. She seemed unaffected by his glare on the side of her face. "It happens when the baby attaches inside your uterus. Some of the blood vessels break down and cause bleeding, and it happens at the same time your cycle would usually start, so a lot of people get it confused with their usual monthly bleeding. Might feel a little pressure here," she added to Violet, who stiffened, her hand squeezing around Xaden's. After a moment, the healer pulled away, carefully draping Violet's gown back over her knees before she crossed the infirmary to the sink and began to wash her hands.
Her name was Leah, and she was both a healer and a midwife. Xaden had never met her before. That was a good thing, because so many of them they'd seen over the past two years had seemed sympathetic or patronizing, or worse, too scared of Xaden to properly examine Violet. Leah gave no indication she even realized who they were, let alone that she cared or was afraid.
She helped Violet to sit up from her reclined position, and then retook her seat. "How have you been feeling?" she asked, her eyes sweeping Violet. "Tired? In any pain?"
"I'm always tired and in pain," Violet answered.
Leah clucked her tongue. "Any more than usual? Any breast tenderness? Nausea? Vomiting?"
"Not really. My breasts have been a little swollen." Violet considered. "I've been peeing more than usual."
"Both normal." Leah nodded. "Not everyone gets sick and does the whole puking thing, but you might notice some sensitivities to certain smells or foods that you didn't have before. You're probably going to be tired, so rest as you need it, but there's no need to make major changes to your daily life unless you're feeling bad. If you feel well, get up and move. Stay active. It's good for your muscles and will help you as you progress."
"I think," Violet said slowly, "I might have more trouble with that than the average person."
"And that's fine," said Leah easily. "I know you're a bit of a unique case, so I want to come up with a treatment plan to help keep your core and your pelvic muscles strong. It's probably going to be hard," she added, not without sympathy. "You're going to be in pain, Violet. We'll just do everything we can to manage it."
Violet nodded. Her cheeks were still a little pink from crying, but her voice was remarkably steady. Xaden didn't let go of her hand. "What about the actual birth?"
Leah smiled gently. "I'm going to tell you what I tell every one of my patients," she said. "Babies do what babies want when they want. I'd rather you plan for the worst case scenario and not need any of that stuff than not make a plan and need it. I'm most concerned about your joints dislocating, but we have everything we need here to get the baby out surgically if we need to. I hear your brother's a mender, so that might come in handy." She patted Violet on the knee. "Think about what you want. Your mind may change as you progress. In the meantime. . ." She stood and retrieved a packet of something from the cabinet above the sink. The pills inside rattled as she passed them off to Violet. "Take one every day. Eat well, rest when you need it. We'll check in. . . Let's say every two weeks for now?"
Violet nodded. There were tears in her eyes again. "Thank you," she whispered.
Leah smiled at her, and then she turned the look on Xaden. She had a kind, matronly face. "You're gonna be just fine, Violet," she promised. "You and your baby both."
***
It took another month for Violet to start showing signs of the pregnancy. They hadn't shared the news with anyone else yet, but soon people would start to notice.
Violet's stomach curved gently, a small bump where their baby grew inside her. She'd started resting her hand over it, an unconscious, protective gesture. She did it now even as she sat on the edge of the bed, staring out the window blankly.
Xaden dropped to his knees at her feet, reaching for the laces of her boots. She jumped when he touched her.
"I can do that," she protested.
"Okay," he said agreeably. He finished the laces of the first shoe and pulled it off, reached for the other. Violet huffed somewhere above him. He bent his head low to hide his smile.
After her boots were gone, he peeled off her socks too, and her pants. It left her in just an oversized sweater of Xaden's that hid her stomach from prying eyes. He nudged her to lay back, pushing the sweater up around her waist to drop a kiss to the gentle swell of her belly.
She tangled her fingers in his hair. "We missed you today."
Xaden smiled. We. Violet liked to say that now, and he loved the way it sounded. It wasn't just her anymore; she carried his baby.
"I missed you, too," he murmured against her skin. "How are you feeling today?"
He knew the answer he would get. "Fine," Violet answered, carding her fingers through his hair.
"Uh huh." He left one last kiss on her belly and then rose up on his knees, leaning over her to kiss her cheek. "You're so fine you don't feel like leaning over to untie your shoes?"
She gave him an unimpressed look, tugging at his hair. "My hip is hurting a little," she admitted grumpily, and then added forcefully, "but it's fine! It's really not that bad."
He sighed and nudged her chin up. "Tell me when you're in pain," he murmured. "Please."
She looked away from him, and he waited. "I don't want to complain," she said finally. "We've waited over two years. And I know that's not that long—I know other people have waited longer, or they never get their babies. But I wanted her so badly, and now that I have her I don't want to complain about any of it."
Xaden was already working up a rebuttal in his head, but the words left his mind as she spoke, and all he could say was, "Her?" He stared down at Violet. "Did the dragons tell you that?"
"What?" She frowned, and then flushed, color spreading across her cheeks. "Oh. No. Tairn says he knows, but I won't let him tell me. I just. . . I don't know. I think it's a girl." She shrugged. "What do you think?"
"I think I don't care as long as you both are healthy." He brushed a kiss across the corner of her mouth, and then lingered there. A lot of people would be expecting a boy—a proper heir. He didn't want to think about any children of his ruling. "Which is easier to ensure if you're honest about how you're feeling."
Violet had the decency to look contrite. "It's just some aches," she said softly. "I walked a lot today."
Xaden pulled back, and she made a low sound of protest, but he just scooped her up gently to move her from the edge of the bed to the center of it, making sure her back was supported by the mountain of pillows she'd been accumulating the past several weeks. He pulled a throw blanket over her bare legs. "Why don't we have dinner in bed?" he offered. "What sounds good?"
She was picky about food these days. Despite the nausea-free first few weeks, even the wrong smell set her off now. She'd taken to avoiding the kitchen as much as possible.
He waited patiently as she thought about it. "Toast," she decided finally. "With butter and cinnamon. And oatmeal."
Relatively bland, all things considered, but there was little in the world Violet hated more than vomiting.
"Of course." He braced his hands on either side of her body and leaned down to kiss her.
"And blueberries if we have them," she whispered against his mouth. "Please."
"We do." And if there weren't any in the kitchen he'd find some.
"And if you'd heat up one of the rice bags for my hip that would be great."
He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. "Anything else you can think of?"
"No." She caught his face between her hands before he could straighten. "I love you."
"And I'm very lucky you do." He kissed her again, made himself pull away before he decided it was no longer worth it to leave her alone. "I love you, too."
***
"This is the part," Violet said slowly, "where you say something."
Garrick only stared at her with wide eyes. "You're having a baby?" he breathed.
She nodded, a hesitant smile breaking out across her face. She clutched at Xaden with one hand, but the other rested over her rounded stomach, rubbing in slow, soothing circles like the baby inside her could feel the motion.
She was five months pregnant and getting more uncomfortable by the day. She still made it a point to go for a walk every morning and evening, and to work on the exercises Leah had given her, but she spent a lot of time in bed. She was missing too much, and the changes to her body were too noticeable, to not formally tell their friends and family. Big sweaters could no longer completely hide her stomach, and most of the time Xaden's response to anyone looking for her was, "She's busy. Leave her alone." He always said it a bit too sharply, too protectively.
Violet would have waited until the baby had joined them if she could, Xaden thought. She still worried that it was too good to be true, that something might happen, but they were over halfway there now, and she was forced to set aside those fears for important conversations.
"We want you and Imogen to be the godparents," Violet said quietly. At Garrick's side, Imogen blinked, the only sign of her surprise. "If something happens to the two of us, we want you to take care of her."
Garrick's eyes went even wider. "Her?"
"Or him," Xaden corrected gently. Violet made a face. "We don't know for sure, but Violet thinks it's a girl."
She'd been adamant for months, even though she'd forbidden the dragons from confirming if she was right or wrong. They'd find out at the birth.
"What if it's not?" Imogen asked.
Violet rolled her eyes. "I'll have to tell Ridoc he was right."
"Well in that case, it's definitely a girl."
"Are you sure?" Garrick interjected. "About us?"
Xaden met his best friend's eyes and nodded seriously. "Yes. If you're willing."
"You don't have to agree," Violet added. "I don't want to give her to someone who doesn't want her, so tell me now if you don't want to do this." Her voice was firm.
Garrick and Imogen exchanged a look. Whatever their stance on having children of their own was, Xaden wasn't entirely sure. Garrick didn't talk about it, and he had no idea if they may have had troubles of their own, like he and Violet. But Violet was right that he wouldn't be leaving his child to someone who wouldn't love and care for them, and they needed to know now.
Imogen nodded at Garrick, the barest dip of her chin. She squared her shoulders and turned to face Xaden and Violet again. "We would be honored," she said.
***
Violet stood at the window, staring out at the falling snow beyond. It was late in the season for such a storm, and Xaden knew the cold made her hurt worse. She was well-bundled, but even all her layers couldn't hide her pregnancy.
He stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms low around her hips and cupping his hands under her stomach to support the weight of the baby. She made an indecent sound and slumped back against his chest.
"Fuck, you're the best," she sighed.
He huffed a laugh, stirring the hair at her temple. "I do a hundred things for you a day, and this is the one that gets you to make that noise?"
"You try walking around with an extra twenty pounds strapped to you all the time," she grumbled. "I can't find my feet anymore."
She was seven months along, but looked further based on the sheer size of her belly. Leah predicted that the baby was going to be big, far bigger than average. Just like her giant fucking father, Violet had muttered. It had been a particularly bad day for the pain when she got that news, and Xaden had only been able to murmur an apology at the time. Perhaps he hadn't entirely thought through the logistics of his size; he was going to think the baby was tiny regardless, but he was sure it didn't feel that way to Violet.
Before he could apologize again, she murmured, "Here." She reached for one of his hands, guiding it under her sweater so he touched her bare skin. He let her position him, and she put her hand over the top of his, holding him in place. He waited.
The first kick was barely a flutter of movement beneath her skin, but the second one was harder.
"She really gets going when you touch me," Violet explained. She took his other hand and placed it on the opposite side of her stomach. There was the pressure of another kick or a flailing arm, harder than before, and Violet winced. "And that was my kidney, I think."
She straightened up slowly, and he trailed behind her as she made her way to the bed. It took some shuffling around for her to get comfortable, and when she did she sighed. Xaden joined her, and she immediately turned to bury her face against his chest.
"How are you feeling?" He pulled loose the tie at the end of her braid and began combing his fingers through it. He'd do it back up for her in a few minutes.
"Everything hurts," she admitted quietly. "A lot. I want to lay on my stomach but I can't. And every fucking time I get up to pee, as soon as I get comfortable in bed I have to go again. It's infuriating."
"How's the knee?"
She'd dislocated it the day before walking down the stairs. Brennan had been with her when it happened, at least, but Xaden wasn't sure he'd ever felt such cold fear as hearing her quiet, pained voice say into his mind, Xaden? I fell.
"Brennan came and wrapped it again," she said. "It's okay. Leah brought some salve by."
Fuck, Xaden wished he could take every bit of her pain. He pressed his lips to her hair. "You're so close, Vi." Six more weeks, if Leah's estimate was correct. "And I'm so proud of you."
She nodded against his chest. He knew without looking there would be tears in her eyes.
"Want to talk about it?" he asked softly.
"No," she said, more of a whimper than anything.
He couldn't simply drape her across his chest, tuck her head beneath his chin, and hold her tight to comfort her anymore. It took a bit more finesse than that, but he adjusted them so carefully, propping Violet up against the pillows and then settling down next to her. He slid one arm behind her, offering extra support for her lower back, and the other he settled low on her stomach. She covered it with her own, and he stroked his thumb back and forth slowly.
"I'm so tired," she said, her voice thick with tears.
That was the root of it, really. Violet wasn't usually a crier, but months in constant pain, without proper sleep, did horrible things to a person—even to Violet, the strongest person Xaden knew.
She took a shaky breath. "I hate that I feel like this. It's just—it's not fair, is it? That I have to feel this horrible. That everything has to hurt so badly."
"No," Xaden murmured, "it's not."
"But she'll be worth it," she continued unsteadily. "She'll be worth everything."
Xaden considered his response for a long time. "I don't get to decide that, Vi," he said finally. "But I can tell you I will love her with everything in me, just as much as I love you. She's ours, so she'll be perfect."
Violet shifted, turning her head to look up at him. He lifted his hand off her stomach, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "You said she," she whispered.
He'd carefully avoided calling the baby by one sex or the other for her entire pregnancy. He smiled. "You've convinced me."
"I am always right." Her voice shook around the joke.
"About everything," Xaden agreed.
"I think she'll look like you."
"Except for that," he said.
Violet laughed unsteadily. "Your hair and your eyes and your skin. . . She's going to be beautiful."
"I think she'll have your eyes," Xaden said. Violet had truly worn him down about the baby being a girl, and that was all he could picture now. He liked to think she'd be a tiny version of Violet, just as smart and stubborn.
"I don't think so." Violet settled again, putting her ear directly over his heart. "Can you stay right here while I sleep?"
"Of course I can."
"You really are the best," she whispered.
"No," Xaden said quietly. "That's you."
Violet didn't try to argue, and he let himself fall quiet and still. When he looked down five minutes later, she was asleep.
***
It wasn't six more weeks. It was two.
"Violet—"
"Don't fucking tell me to breathe again," she hissed to Leah. But she was doing it anyway, taking deep, measured breaths in through her nose, blowing them out through her mouth.
Xaden had lost track of how long she'd been in labor. A day, at least, at this point. Violet was damp with sweat, her skin flushed, her hair a wild and greasy tangle. He'd been at her bedside the entire time, holding her hand, stroking her hair, listening to her screams and cries. Each one broke a piece inside of him he hadn't known existed, and still he loved her more by the second. She was his. This beautiful, strong, stubborn woman was his.
"I'm not going to tell you to breathe," Leah said calmly. "I'm going to tell you to push."
"Oh, fuck," Violet sobbed, her head falling back against her pillows. "I don't think I can do this."
"You can," said Leah encouragingly. "Can't she, Xaden?"
Violet turned wild, terrified, pained eyes his way. He knelt next to her, drawing close the hand he held to kiss her knuckles. "You've made it this far," he reminded her. "You can do anything."
She screwed her eyes shut as another wave of pain rocked through her. A tear slid down her cheek.
"Think of all the things you'll get to do after this," Xaden murmured. "You'll get to hold your daughter."
She sobbed again. "What if it's a boy?"
"You've been telling me for seven months it's a girl, and now you want to play this game?" Her fingernails dug into his palm. "I don't give a fuck, Violet. But you have to push before we can find out."
"It's going to hurt." Her eyes opened again, glassy with pain and fear.
"Yeah," Xaden said, unable to lie to her. "But then Brennan will fix you up, and you're going to get to hold your baby girl."
Brennan waited just outside the door, ready at a moment's notice if he was needed. Violet hadn't allowed him into the room—hadn't allowed anyone other than Xaden and Leah—but Xaden had threatened Brennan with a slow, painful death if he dared to leave the hallway.
"Okay," Violet whispered.
It took ten more minutes, and the first thing Xaden heard was the screaming. He never thought he'd find comfort in such a noise, but it meant their baby was with them, breathing and alive.
"Oh," Violet whispered.
"You did it." Xaden kissed her sweaty forehead, pressing his temple to hers as he watched Leah gather up the pink, squirming baby in her arms. "I'm so fucking proud of you."
"Oh," Violet repeated. "It's—"
"It's a girl," Leah said gently. "Congratulations."
"Look at her," Violet breathed, reaching shaking arms for the baby as Leah placed her carefully on Violet's bare chest. "Xaden. Look at her."
Xaden didn't know where to look. At his daughter, who settled almost immediately at the touch of her mother's skin, or his wife and the entranced look on her face. The two of them together were the most incredible thing he'd ever seen.
"Beautiful," he whispered.
Violet ran trembling fingers over the baby's head—her dark hair, the exact same shade as Xaden's. She needed to be cleaned and swaddled, and Violet needed to be taken care of, too, but they could have this brief moment.
"Xaden," she said brokenly.
"I know." He put a careful hand on his daughter's back. His palm covered her entirely. When he blinked, tears he wasn't aware of welled up and spilled over. He pressed a kiss to Violet's hair again, closing his eyes. "I love you."
"She's worth it," Violet whispered.
"She's perfect," he agreed, and she was theirs.