Archive of Our Own ^beta

Don't you get lost in nostalgia, no

Turn something softer and lighter, yeah

Don't you get lost in nostalgia, no

It's not too late, it's not too late, no

Wei Wuxian has the perfect life he could have imagined once.

Don’t get him wrong, his life hadn’t happened at all like how he wished, or even planned, not at all, but if he had learned anything on his endless therapy sessions, he had learned to hold onto his happiness, to savor it and enjoyed it to the fullest, so yes, if you ask him, at this very moment, it was perfect.

He presses the code to their department. The faint smell of scallion pancakes fills his lungs, he can hear the tv, they’re never shy away from blasting it out loud and it’s all Jiang cheng’s fault really.

Jiang Cheng had splurged on Wei Wuxian’s last birthday and went all in to give him a full surround system, something about wasting the potential of such a good tv, Wei Wuxian doesn’t know anything about tvs, he doesn’t even watch tv, maybe a few reruns of tv shows his father used to like when he’s free or everyone comes over, but surprisingly his mom does, she took a liking in all tech after she discovered how much money she could make on Douyin lives just playing old music from his dad’s vinyl collection, she started with only showing the collection and answering some questions but now she has full on jamming sessions that can go for hours.

She set it all herself, Wei Wuxian was a little scared about how beneficial it would actually be for her mentally and physically, but she always looked like she was having a lot of fun and he once when she asked to buy something online, saw her earnings, that had been the thing that finally convinced her so he never said anything to her about it again.

When he crosses the living room he sees Cangse Sanren fully laying down in the couch meanwhile Lan Wangji is sitting on the floor, legs sprawled all over on the carpet, something he would get a brow arched and a silent judgment if he ever did it on his free days, a half empty bowl of spicy dried corn nuts between them, their show is one of the infamous shitty dramas they get hook on and end up in less than a month, and yet, they swear they only sit for two hours max at night every other day, Wei Wuxian is the only one who pretends to believe them.

“So” he steps onto the room “does Jeanine already confess she has been the evil one all along?” He swipes a hand through Cangse Sanren’s soft brown hair and she only jumps a little, she holds his hand and smacks a kiss on his knuckles.

Lan Wangji turns too, with a soft smile and his beautiful twinkling honey eyes

“That was the show we saw last week, we’ve been way past that, and she was just another victim” Lan Wangji fills him up and turns back around “Welcome home Wei Ying”

“Damn you didn’t wait for me to find that out?” He's only half hurt, although he’s almost sure Lan Wangji did mention if he wanted to watch it together a few days ago, but he used his free time last week to take their heavy laundry to the dry cleaner’s.

“You’re always welcome to rewatch it with us!” Cangse Sanren interrupts, “We will love to rewatch it, right Zhanzhan?”

“Mn. I’m pretty sure you slept through the last two episodes  either way mama”  Lan Wangji’s voice carried a little of humor in there, he also has admitted to falling asleep more times than not while they binge watch a show, neither of them take it personally, more like a betting pool at this point.

“Oh hush, it was all resolved by then and you know it” she stretches like a cat and stands up pulling Lan Wangji’s ear teasingly. “Anyway, it’s time for me to call you uncle so he can whine all he wants and a face mask is waiting for me. Glad you made it early baby, hope you had a nice day” she says, she gives him a big sloppy kiss on the forehead and heads to her room.  

“Night, night, love you both” she fake whispers and closes the door behind her

Wei Wuxian flops right where she was, his muscles already relaxing, he sighs too, getting cozy immediately.  

“Did you have a good day, my love?” Lan Wangji asks softly next to his ear.

“Mmmmhhhmmmmm. I just need a power nap and I’ll be there right with you” he says.  Lan Wangji kisses him a few times and stands up too. For all he likes to lounge along with his mother, he’s still a clean freak at his very core, so he spends a good 30 minutes making sure everything is spotless before even thinking of calling it at night, no matter how much he likes to complain about staying up because he’s also a freak who wakes up 5 am sharp.

Wei Wuxian makes a mental note to also call old Lan Qiren some time this week, to ask him about that pain in the knee he has been complaining about for the past few weeks they had video chat.

It’s kinda odd, to see the passage of time so clearly now with the people he once looked upon and thought how adult, how serious and complete they all looked.

His parents were his very first example, his dad was a big broad man that always had a smile to offer and an answer to everything, he was just so, real, so secure, Wei Wuxian can’t explain it, not even today, but he was his dad, the best dad someone could ask for. His mom on the other hand has always carried this eternal youth with her, charisma that can get even a rock to shine, according to the aunties in the market, she’s fun, she’s interesting, she might not know it all but will make sure to look out for the answers, she was the coolest person he has ever met and even if life has not been too kind to her, she now carries such grace, is impossible not to admire her.

Growing up in a flower shop would always feel a little whimsical for him, it was their little bubble right out of a fairy tale, his father always explained to him the meaning of flowers, the delicacy of their life, while his mother used to chase him around the halls of them and making him pour the green water out of the bases to make him gag and laugh and laugh.

Even Lan Wangji, the very first time he met him, they were kids, Lan Wangji was so shy, not serious shy like he is now that he carries all this mysterious aura that makes him look like an hot mysterious guy, but, he was a very scared shy baby, oh he wishes he had more pictures of baby Lan Wangji and his rosy cheeks and his cute dimples.  

The Lan family were moving to the building Wei Wuxian was practically born in (no seriously, his mom almost didn’t make it to the hospital because she was too concentrated on her work, like mother like son Lan Wangji loves to say).  

Wei Wuxian was playing hide and seek on his own when he decided what a great idea it would be to hide in one of the big brown boxes there were laying on the hall next to his house, what he didn’t expect was to jump right on top of a boy, the cutest boy mind you, and he would love to call it love at first sight if it wasn’t because he made Lan Wangji sob and clutch his bunny plushie to his face, very loud, distress followed and soon they were surrounded by adults, his parents and the new adults, Lan Wangji parents, he doesn’t think he had a huge impression the somber shadow of Lan Zhan father, but he will always remember Lu Yin and her kind eyes, molten honey, just like Lan Wangji’s, making sure Wei Wuxian wasn’t scared about what happened, making sure he smiled while holding her baby firmly in her arms, he’s never been able to forget that moment, the kindness of her eyes but the determination while she was holding her baby, a real mother, a loving mother.

It was easier then, to just trust her completely when she promised he just found his new best friend. When she promised she was going to be family to her parents. Oh just how right she was, like always.

It took it a few tries, between a few weeks, to get Lan Wangji to even look at him, he would never understand why he even tried, he was a 6 year old, he had a lot of friends already, even Lan Xichen, who was 11 already had welcomed him with a toothy grin and invited him to play on his console even if he lost every time.

But Lan Wangji would always stay behind, holding his bunny, running away while Lu Yin laugh would echo through the hall of their apartment, “Ah A-xian give it time, you’re just his first friend!” She was being completely honest, he would find out later, but back then, he felt special, like she had given him one of the most important chores ever.

When he found a bunny themed activity book while his weekly library trip with his mom, he brought it back to his place, put it on the little table on his living room and just like that, when Lan Wangji and his mother came to visit that afternoon he had a very much interested Lan Wangji pointing to the book, to the activities, Wei Wuxian can’t remember much only, that after Lan Wangji had smiled at him for getting the bunny out of the maze in one of the pages activities, it was all set and done Lan Wangji, with the determination he always had didn’t let him go, “Hello Wei Ying, I want to be your friend too” he had said. Turns out Lu Yin was indeed right, he found his best friend.

He doesn’t specifically remember much of those years, between field trips, museum trips, making milk bread, petting zoos, it was a pretty good childhood, and then the very first thing happened, because life happens.  

Qingheng-Jun wasn’t a man with a lot of presence during those years for Wei Wuxian, he doesn't even think they were in the same room ever. Lan Xichen always mentioned him though, “We’re going shopping with baba, don’t forget to make your list!” he would say to Lan Wangji between rounds on the bicycle, “There’s a carnaval baba will take us on the weekend”  too, Lan Wangji never said much about him, granted he never said much to begin with, only when it was time to go to the floor of his apartment, “Baba said I need to be home on time” but nothing more.

He never noticed then, why would he, when Lan Xichen grew up a little more, how it was now “Fuqin said we need to hurry back so we can do our chores” he would always pushed a little bit when Lan Wangji started to insisted on staying longer and longer at Wei Wuxian’s house, a complicated look in his eyes, a sad resignation in their steps; he never noticed either how they never went back to the Lan’s to play, or cook, or nap anymore. He never noticed how stiff Lu Yin would get when Cangse Sanren would cage her in their kitchen, hushed whispers between them, silences that stretched longer and longer.

How his father always brought Lu Yin flowers if only to make her smile a little but the flowers always stayed at their place.

He never noticed until one day, while Lan Wangji and him were making a 250 puzzle, their biggest project to date that Lan Xichen came to his room, and whispered something to Lan Wangji only he was a kid too, and not very discreet “He did it, he did it, didi, he left.”

Lan Wangji looked back at Wei Wuxian, his face no longer carrying the roundness of a toddler and for the first time in a very long time, Wei Wuxian saw fear in those eyes. That was the first time he got a hug from him, that was the first time he noticed how much despair a little boy could hold. Wei Wuxian didn’t see them for a few months after that, no matter how much he tried, how much he begged his parents to take him, how much he tried to sneak out, the door of the Lan apartment remained shut.

It wasn’t until one day he found Lu Yin in his living room with a very tight smile and an apology for not bringing her kids anymore that his parents finally sat him down and explained that Qingheng-Jun no longer lived with the Lan Wangji, that it was really sad for Lan Wangji and his little family, they explained to him they were a family of three, just like theirs, that maybe take it easy with Lan Zhan, that don’t ask him too much questions, “just be his best friend A-Xian, keep an eye on him”.

Wei Wuxian didn’t find that complicated to understand, he was more worried than anything about Lan Wangji and his sadness, he would do anything to make him happy. When he first saw him the very next day he smiled at him and asked him if he wanted to continue doing the puzzle they left behind, Lan Wangji seemed surprised “Did you keep it like it was?” he had hesitantly said

“Of course I did Zhanzhan! I like doing everything with you!” He held his hand again and Lan Wangji gifted him one of his rare smiles.

“I like doing everything with you too, Wei Ying”

Their new reality wasn’t that much different. But it was in every sense of it, Lan Xichen was less present, never strayed too far from his mom, both away from longer periods of time, now he understands, Lan Xichen just wanted to keep his mother safe, but also him being good at school meant a promising future for them all, back then to him it just look like he was too cool to be hanging out with pre teens.

Wei Wuxian discovered he loved this new era, more freedom to go to the park, to go to the little store down the street, what he loved even more is that Lan Wangji seemed to almost every moment with him, not only at school where he got transferred but outside of it, just a few nights he quietly returned home, it didn’t even mattered that their tastes were starting to drift a little too, Wei Wuxian would learn a new trick on the skateboard, Lan Wangji would be quietly reading in the bench next to him, Wei Wuxian found a new obscure online game, Lan Wangji would be practicing in Cangse Sanren’s old piano, until Lu Yin would pick him up, always with a smile and a soft kiss on Wei Wuxian’s hair, her hold still as strong and decisive as he remember and Lan Wangji would always look so happy to follow her back, he never mentioned it truly felt like it they were a family, that nothing could break them off.

Three years came and went and life was good, or so Wei Wuxian thought, nothing else bad could ever reach them, but as he would learn now, it always reaches them. Wei Wuxian didn’t saw Lan Wangji that afternoon after his soccer practice, which was fine, Lan Wangji usually never waited during spring, since he hated getting hot, what was weird, was the fact that he didn’t went home to dinner, when he asked his mom, Cangse Sanren shrugged it off.

“Maybe Lu Yin will be cooking today baobei, maybe they want some family time” she tried to pinch his cheeks, but he moved away crackling, he was getting older for that, he was getting older to be called baobei too, but he had yet to find the heart to tell his mother that.

It was later, almost when he was about to go to bed, that the knock on the door came and then everything changed again and forever.

One of the aunties that lived next door, went to ask if they knew anything about what had happened to the Lan, his dad worried had said no, and between rushed whispers he saw, for the very first time, Wei Changze’s face turn completely blank, everything happened quickly, his dad leave running, his mom just barely holding him dragged him to his room “Baobei, I need you to stay right here, okay? whatever you want to do, please stay here, I mean it” she gave him a kiss, one of those that would feel all around his body.

That night he didn’t sleep, his stomach in knots, his head was pounding, something was off, he just wished he knew what. It was much much later, when his mom finally returned home, he said a lot of things but he couldn’t remember much of them, she held him and she whispered them to him.

Lu Yin had passed away…

She was in the kitchen, at breakfast…

They don’t know how or for how long…

Lan Xichen was the one who found her…

Lan Wangji was there too…

He didn’t want to talk…

He didn’t want to move..

Lan Wangji was alone…

He lost them both…

They wouldn’t be able to see him for a while, she explained to him, when he complained, tried to break free, she held him so tight, he ended up falling asleep like that. He didn’t dream of anything that night.

The funeral was the next day, his parents made sure to deck everything with beautiful flowers, the ones his dad used to always bring back home, the ceremony was small, Lan Xichen had a blotchy face, Lan Wangji had a hunted face, dark circles on his eyes, Wei Wuxian would do anything even today to be able to stop his pain, but the most he could was stand next to him. It was over too soon. Only the Lans and his parents and him were standing there. That’s when he noticed him.

Lan Qiren was scary. That’s the first thing he can remember about him, he was tall and had a set of tense eyes, tense shoulders, tense body. He stood behind Lan Xichen and Lan Zhan, holding them by the shoulders.  He remembers feeling so intimidated by him, he looked like an adult, like the director of his school or his coach when he was mad, an intimidating man.

But that wasn't the truth. The truth was that Lan Qiren, was pretty young, he was a 27 year old man, a man that had spent his time overseas completing a doctorate who had barely time to talk to his estranged brother, who had barely know had a family, had received a call, about the mother of his nephews passing away, about his brother leaving him the full custody, he had to make a decision quickly and he had, he took the next flight home and never looked back, even if he didn’t knew what was going to happen next. Wei Wuxian  would always admire him, that type of decision wasn’t something anyone could do, hell Wei Wuxian didn’t even know if he was capable of doing anything like that.

They may never see eye to eye in almost anything, let alone Lan Wangji, but at least they respected each other, after, when he turned 27 himself, with his whole world on his shoulders, a little lost and lot more sad, he finally understood that maybe all that bravery only came with a little bit of foolishness, a little of lying to yourself, a fake bravado, because he had to force himself, he gave the old man a call that day, they both cried. It was weird enough for both of them. But now they have a great relationship now. One where Lan Wangji doesn’t have to physically be between them so harsh words are not exchanged.

Life with Lan Qiren in the picture was different. Lan Wangji who was already very withdrawn, became even more so, they barely saw each other, something about discipline, and respect of the home and proper times for everything, things Wei Wuxian never understood but his parents always placate him with, the thing that hurt the most was that Lan Wangji barely looked at him anymore and if they manage to spend any time together Lan Wangji would be eerily quiet, it was frustrated even more so now that his teenagehood was getting him in full force.  

“Lan Zhan is building something new, give him time, give him space” and so he did, and because life is life, he tried to move on, his heart was heavy for a few months, but it was kinda nice to have new hobbies, to have new friends, even if not all of them were good.

He found out one day when he was running through the stairs to his floor that he saw a glimpse of some boxes on Lan Wangji’s floor, he got scared and asked his mother what it was all about.

“Tsk, don’t you worry, Lan Qiren is moving out, he got an opportunity to finish study and work! Finally some good news!”

“But- but what about Lan Zhan?” he had asked hesitantly. He imagined them moving out too, not without saying goodbye or saying anything.

So because Lan Xichen was almost a full adult, he had promised that he could take care of him and Lan Wangji, and they also would have had the help of Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, apparently the chance was good to be rejected especially because it would be paid way more, only then did Lan Qiren decided to took the chance, according to the plans and his moms recounting the story they’ll wait until Lan Xichen finished high school to move out wherever Lan Qiren was staying, Lan Xichen looking for colleges to apply to already, some of his missing shine in his eyes back on.

And just like that, Lan Qiren was out, and Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen were back to his life. Lan Xichen would spend his free time at the flower shop, Wei Changze always had a happy grin after they came back from work, “this kid has potential!” Lan Xichen would always look grateful, he always seemed happy to help, the Lan brothers would spent their diners with them, it was nice, it almost felt like before, if it wasn’t for the empty space on the table, the sweet desserts that didn’t had the same taste, and even more so the fact that Lan Wangji would always get up to wash the dishes, no matter how much his mom insisted he didn’t had too.

Lan Qiren would call, always at the same hour, always would talk with Cangse Sanren first, who would make a ridiculous made up adventure of the day,  she would laugh loudly, he send enough money for them to make a good enough life, and slowly it seemed that the Lan brothers would be fine. Even when Lan Xichen finished high school and wasn’t so sure he wanted to go to college, he said he already missed too much time, when his mother passed.

Wei Changze assured him he could stay working at the flower shop for as long as he needed.  

Lan Wangji and him turned 15 that year too, so adolescence hit them in full, which wasn’t the most comfortable experience to have, Lan Wangji was awkward enough but he seemed to have fully avoided anything and anyone.

High school was, to put it lightly, interesting. Suddenly he had all of these liberties and responsibilities, he had to make sure he had meal prep, he also said goodbye to most of his extracurriculars because he wanted to hang out with his new friends, he picked painting and soccer still and that took off most of his time, he didn’t think he missed much of Lan Wangji, because they still had their dinner meals everyday.

Their first semester flew by, and in summer break, when Wei Wuxian was coming back from a party that he noticed Lan Xichen exiting their apartment with a little backpack, he asked him what was going on, fear in his gut. Lan Xichen gave one of his smiles and just shrugged, “Ah, Wei Ying, please, take care of each other” and quietly left. With panic in his heart he opened the door to see Lan Wangji perfectly sitting in the now fully empty apartment, he hugged him and asked him what was happening Lan Wangji patted him on the shoulder, stiff and awkward as he was back then.

“His light is too bright, he can’t fade away, if a-niang was alive, she would’ve wanted it like that,” that’s how Lan Wangji explained it to him, apparently Lan Wangji was planning to make his brother take some courses in the community college meanwhile Lan Xichen had found a international study programme and applied to it, Lan Wangji found out when the acceptance letter came and he  not only heavily encouraged him to leave, but to never turn back, he promised that he would be okay, with Lan Qiren’s monetary support he would be more than fine, that he would make it work, high school and then college, maybe he would go away too, Lan Wangji even made sure he got the full scholarship, and so he did, they also agreed not to tell any of the adults in their lives, for what it would mean for Lan Wangji, who would be turning 16, it was going to be hard to explain, Lan Xichen couldn't explain it and Lan Wangji didn’t wanted to. Wei Wuxian just happened to find out first.

Wei Wuxian often wondered, when they got together for holidays and birthdays if Lan Xichen was as relieved as Wei Wuxian wanted to believe he was or if he had any regret of leaving his brother behind, Wei Wuxian was an only child, so he’s not sure how he would’ve done, but he does understand that Lan Wangji had no regrets about it no at 16 year old by himself and not now, a full adult. And that’s something he had to respect.

Their parents found out by the end of the week, they tried to call Lan Xichen but his number was already disconnected, he now understands that it was more worry than anger what made their parents so upset. They tried to talk some sense into Lan Wangji but he didn’t budge, just calmly said he would be okay, then asked if he could take over his brother’s shift in the flower shop. Wei Cangze had a complicated look on his face and he was so serious Wei Wuxian thought he would hear his father say no. He sighed and asked Lan Wangji to meet him after school to train him.

He wasn’t there for Lan Qiren’s phone call that night, but he knows that by the end of it both of his parents were tired.

Lan Wangji started to do it all, cooking, cleaning, shopping, he did it with a brave face that now Wei Wuxian knows it was only half true. Wei Wuxian tried his best to accommodate him, to make space in his life, because he was his friend, his best friend. He will always be important to him, so he tried, but, being honest, he also failed. He tried to invite him to his friend group, he tried to invite him to parties.

Sadly, the truth was that they were living different realities, Wei Wuxian wanted to take the world by storm, Meanwhile, Lan Wangji wanted to make it all stop. It was a dark time in their history, they barely talked to each other, They barely looked at each other. They pretended like they were strangers, So much as their angsty teenage brains would allow them to be, even though they pretended in front of Wei Wuxian parents everything was alright.

Like with everything that's related to the love of his life, Wei Wuxian felt somehow responsible for the pain that his decisions caused him. Shame filled his soul every time he remembered him. One day, tt came like an electric shock, the realization that he have left Lan Wangji alone too,

“You had to live your life too, adolescence was complicated enough as it was”, again Lan Wangji had to placate him, always rationalizing everything, for him, his loved ones always had a perfectly good reason to do what they did, Lan Wangji as an afterthought. If he ever manages to make it up to him in this life, it would still be too soon.

It’s hard to admit it, but from there on, Lan Wangji started to fully develop a problem he had been struggling with for the past few years. A very dark one. A very scary one. Now he knows what to call it, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, but back then, it was hard to explain what and how it was happening to Lan Wangji, slowly, barely, it was noticeable first when he started to look so much skinnier, he was already lean, but he now looked like a strong wind could take him; he was aldo pale like a ghost he looked like he was sick.

At dinner time, when he couldn't avoid Wei Wuxian’s parents anymore, he would eat very slowly, he would smush everything, and take tiny bites that ended up with him only eating half a plate, he would discreetly start washing away everything else, he would try to make it seems he ate something, he started to avoid dessert, even if everyone knew already how much of a sweet tooth he had.

Cangse Sanren would look at him after with a complicated look in her eyes, as if she was trying to figure him out, but, before actually pressuring him, Lan Wangji would smile shyly and leave their apartment. She would look at him next, and Wei Wuxian would smile and laugh, promise that they’ll figure it out, and also leave the table.

Lan Wangji started to do that a lot more, go quietly with the flow,  just blend it with his surroundings. Every day he woke up, he went to school and he did whatever he had to do, eat dinner with the Weis, leave early, do it again the next day. It was sad to witness, but Wei Wuxian was too busy in his newfound social circle to actually take note of what was happening, he knew something was going on, he just didn’t think he could do much about it. His mother thought otherwise and one night she all but lock him up in his room and made him talk, whatever he have discover about what exactly was wrong with Lan Wangji, he had felt a little embarrassed then and tried to play it cool but then she had looked him in the eyes without a smile and well, he caved.

He confessed to his mom that they hadn't been talking at all, actually, that he already forgot for how long they have actually crossed paths in the school, how he didn’t know if he spent time on his house after work, Cangse Sanren had softly hit him in the back of his head and gave him a frankly over exaggerated scolding, he wants to say now that it wasn’t deserved, but when it comes to think about how much time he wasted without Lan Wangji and how very little he even cares about his friends in high school makes him want to slap himself. He whined, and whined some more, but at the end of that conversation he promised his mom he would try hard to fix it.

Turns out the one person who had understood something was going terribly wrong for Lan Wangji, was Wei Changze. He politely let them know when they had dinner the next day (without Lan Zhan). “So about that” he had said. He talked about how he had been looking at him for some time, how he had noticed that sometimes he would look faint after lifting too many hours at the flower shop.

And finally how one day after dinner he found him in the bathroom crying, throwing up violently, before Wei Changze even tried to reach for Cangse Sanren though, Lan Wangji made him promise him to not say anything, he had, only if he told him what was going on, after all, he was so worried about him.

That’s how he learned that Lan Wangji had trouble holding much of what he was eating, how some things tasted like rubber or granite, how he was so frustrated that now his diet consisted of only rice and some if any vegetables, water even seemed like a huge effort. How it made him feel caged and panicky and it was really scary, but beyond that he didn’t want to trouble the Weis “anymore” so he was working on it.

It broke Wei Wuxian, granted many things about Lan Wangji break him, but now it seemed that he was also part of the pain that plagued Lan Wangji anywhere he moved. So that night he had grabbed an overnight bag and the spare keys and went down to Lan Wangji’s floor, he didn’t knock, Lan Wangji was doing some homework, he looked startled to see him but not surprised, he must sense that Wei Changze would talk eventually.

“Wei Ying, what are you doing here?” he had questioned softly, even his voice sounded brittle.

“I‘m here to ask you to forgive me” Wei Wuxian had let his face smoosh against Lan Wangji fresh sheets, they always felt so soft, later so much later, he would discover that Lan Wangji liked to hand wash his sheets and sun dry them to let the smell linger longer.  

“Wei Ying? What do you mean?”

“I mean, I have-” why was it so hard to let the words out? “You know, we’re not-” for god sake “I haven’t really had time…. or you know, ahahah Lan Zhan, I’m sorry that we haven’t been together you know, for a long time! That's all!” he buried himself deeper into Lan Wangji’s pillow

“I’m just so sorry, okay? I have been a class one asshole! Acting like I’m too cool for you or whatever, stupid”

“Wei Ying, you’re not,” Lan Wangji closed the book he was highlighting in “You’re not stupid” he went to sit next to Wei Wuxian, in his bed. “Nor I believe you’re cool, or whatever”

Wei Wuxian let out an embarrassing snort, Lan Zhan was always so funny, no one believed him, but his witt can rival his mother’s.

“Ughhhh, fine, you know what I mean! We haven’t talked, or hung out and we just kinda have pretended that we’re good! But we’re not! I know, I know, my fault! the soccer team and all that”  

“I also have not been…” Lan Wangji looked around “Cooperative either, it’s just how life works”

“But you need me!” Wei Wuxian interrupted, “I mean, not me. but a friend, your best friend, which happens to be me”

“Mn, you are” Lan Wangji gifted him one of his barely there twitch of a smile “But what are you here for? Really?”

“Ah Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, well, uh, ah, dad might have mentioned, what happened the other night-” Lan Wangji sighed and moved a little further away, out of reach, like he had done for the past year, “Well, we’re just worried for you, I’m worried for you, but I’m here, you know, for whatever you might need me for”

“Well Wei Ying, maybe I don’t want your pity” he said softly  

“You don’t have it!” Wei Wuxian had scrambled to make sure Lan Wangji understood him,

“You have me! You have my entire soul, my entire heart, my entire being, is yours Lan Zhan,” he’s not sure at all how or from where all of that exactly came from, but it was out in the universe now, too late to back down, “it has always been yours to take, to claim, and I hope you do, because I miss you!”

“I miss you too, Wei Ying, I just miss her too” they looked at each other's eyes, and then it was like the spell broke. Both of them reached at the same times and just held tight, just like when they were kids.

Very late that night, meanwhile Wei Wuxian held a very tired Lan Wangji, whose body seemed too small and yet somehow so big, he hugged him tighter and right then he promised to never let him go, never again. The very next day when his mother saw them sitting close again at dinner, winked at him

It was a little clumsy at first, to find themselves into a grove now, but they managed to make it work, Lan Zhan accommodate quietly next to him, Wei Wuxian doubting if he was comfortable or was just pretending to make him feel good, but Lan Wangji would made a comment about just learning how to be cool, so he let him be and enjoyed the moment, Wei Wuxian also made sure to get a hold of how gloomy the days could be for Lan Zhan, what does his silence meant, when he needed some time alone and when he needed him to never let him go, he also made himself an expert in the meal times, they never had them with people around, and Wei Wuxian would describe exactly what they were having, avoid meat of any kind, specially if it had any type of visible blood, cut it in tiny pieces and made sure nothing smelled too strongly or it was too hot, he could recognize what type of ice would be great for Lan Zhan to bite into and he also made himself carry at all times sliced almonds and chocolate chips whenever Lan Wangji would be in the mood for something.

Yes of course some kids would made fun of how weirdly codependent Wei Wuxian acted around Lan Wangji, which made it easier for him to get rid of the friends who were not really friends and to cement the ones that were meant to stay, that’s when Jiang Cheng and the Wen’s become one big core unit.

Wei Wuxian secretly gloated in having Lan Wangji’s attention back to him, front and center, he just didn’t understand exactly why, he just never paid much attention to romantic relationships, it was all around him and yes of course he had kissed a girl or two in an embarrassing game of bottle, but he never felt any particular way about it, according to Wen Qing it should feel amazing even to Jiang Cheng, Nie Huisang even suggested with a guy it would be equally as good, but then again it never make him feel anything other than a giddy excitement for a few minutes and then, nothing happened.

He asked Lan Zhan once, and he had looked at him funny, as if he knew something he didn't, “I’m not sure, if I ever wanted someone, it would be a guy, I guess” so Wei Wuxian had poked him in the cheek and moved the conversation away.

It wasn't until one day, in their last semester, a dumb kid from the robotic team, asked Lan Zhan for a date, it was at the end of the the school, he was a nervous mess, it was almost cute,  but it wasn’t in that moment, it was as if somebody had threw a bucket of cold iced water that made him shiver, suddenly it made sense for Wei Wuxian,  why nothing else had made sense, his life, his attraction, was already shaped and formed into his heart with the force of Lan Wangji’s name, of fucking curse, it was, Wei Wuxian understood with so much clearness the all consuming feeling Lan Zhan caused him wasn’t because of pity, or family duty or even because he was used to him, but an all consuming love.

He doesn’t remember exactly how, even if Lan Wangji loves to make fun of him for it but Wei Wuxian had stepped between the two of them and declined for him “Nope, can’t do, he has a boyfriend, okay?” and before the kid even knew what to say or how to react, he already had dragged Lan Zhan away from him, it was a full minute before he realized he was holding hands with Lan Wangji that he stopped and looked at him, Lan Wangji  had a tiny, unimpressed smile on him,

“So, are you taking me to where my boyfriend is?” he asked casually, oh Wei Wuxian couldn't do anything but snort and kiss him silly and yes oh fuck yes, he finally get what everyone was raving about

“Never” another kiss on his lips “Please never” a kiss in his eyes, oh it was so soft, Lan Wangji was so fucking cute, “Ever, ever let anyone else even try to ask you out or to be something to you or I’ll lose my mind”

Lan Zhan nodded seriously, “Mn, I will make sure my boyfriend knows that” Wei Wuxian giggled, he had a dumb smile on his face, why did it took so long for him to do something about that and booped his nose and kissed him again and again and again, it took a long time for them to make it back home and even longer for them to made it to dinner.

It’s not because they think Wei Wuxian parents would tell them off if they knew they were now dating but they still shy away from them, maybe it had a lot to do with the rush of adrenaline that their clandestine meetings gave them or just how embarrassingly sappy they were, or maybe simply how horny they acted, they spent long hours in Lan Wangji’s room, thank god for that, they lied and said they were on the library, Wei Wuxian was no expert but he was sure they beat anyone in their school about how insane they behaved about each other, their first time it was sloppy, messy and incredibly awkward, Lan Wangji had spent a long time preparing himself than by the time Wei Wuxian put himself there he came within 5 seconds, the advantage was he was ready to go five minutes later, overall,  it was really fun, yes, they weren’t any good at it but it was mind blowing.

They were caught within a range of four weeks, Wei Changze catched them by accident when he let himself into Lan Wangji’s place to check on a very stubborn leak in the shower he had promised to Lan Wangji he would look over, it was embarrassing, there were screams, Wei Changze hadn’t uttered a word, but it was no longer than a minute before his mom banged into the room with a wicked smile and an even louder laughter, “What’s up kids?” She asked them and what followed was an embarrassing and overdue explanation of the bees and the… bees, Cangse Sanren didn’t stop laughing all the way through.

Next day she came into his room and gave Wei Wuxian a big wink then threw him a pack of condoms with a scented strawberry lube, Wei Wuxian had screamed at her, his father didn’t make eye contact during breakfast, only before he leave for school did he said

“No more library trips, and no funny business on my business okay?” Wei Wuxian groaned all the way to Lan Wangji’s door.

When he told him all to Lan Wangji, he was as pink as the bottle of lube, they still used it all in the next two weeks.

Cangse Sanren let them know later that she was so glad they finally figured it out.

High school graduation came for them quickly, Wei Wuxian wasn’t worried about it, he knew what his future looked for him, and he was ready to get into it.

Medicine was an easy pick for Wei Wuxian, it was an optimal option all around, his parents where more than thrilled with the idea, even if they never pressure him and even suggested the musical program he was side eyeing during that summer, Wen Qing already applied too, and Lan Wangji was excited for him too, “you’re the kind of person made to find an answer to everyone’s problems” he whispered between kisses. The truth is, and he has never tried to figure if Lan Wangji or his mother already know it too, he picked medicine because he was afraid of what happened so many years ago, in Lan Wangji’s kitchen, what happened with Lan Wangji after it all, the truth is, he never wanted to not be able to miss any other signs, of sickness or sadness or whatever it might be, if he couldn’t fix a broken heart with naïve love, he would fix it with science, with concrete things that have existed for years and will continue to for many more. Maybe it was the wrong thing to fixate with, but he has never regretted it.

Lan Wangji picked up after Lan Qiren and his father, even though he never mentioned being interested in finances, let alone International Economics and Trade, but try as he might, Wei Wuxian couldn’t bring himself to question him too much, his decisions where his own and if it wasn’t for him, he would find out at his own pace, it also didn’t hurt when their campus where relatively close to each other than the commute to each other were less than 40 minutes. They have a plan to try dorms for their first two years and move together once things got more settled.

The first year was rough. The first day there were tears and sappy kisses all around, Lan Wangji was the first to get installed, he had very few things, his apartment was already rented so he could pay some of his expenses, although he got himself a full time scholarship, because of course he did, his parents hug him and his mom gave him a big loud kiss that Lan Wangji got so red Wei Wuxian took a picture of him, then it was him, there were even more tears and hugs but Wei Wuxian enjoyed every second of it.

Turns our medicine was indeed something he would enjoy, so much information, so many resources, and so little time, everyone got intimidated by their first class, when one of his teachers questioned them one by one why they chosen medicine, when they mentioned money or how pretty it was, his teacher had laughed and pointed at them that medicine was everything but pretty it was cruel, it was hard and it was going to be a challenge very few could take. Wei Wuxian felt like he had struck gold.

No longer living with his parents was an adjustment, living without Lan Wangji at arm’s reach was even more so, he felt kind of lame, moping around so much, but then again, his codependency to his boyfriend was one of the very pillars of his life, no matter how weird it might seem to anyone else. The best part by far, had to be their newfound privacy, no longer sneaking around behind the library, or making Jiang Cheng lie for them. But they managed to find a routine pretty quickly. It shouldn’t feel so easy, when he looked at other couples, most not surviving the first 3 weeks while he was there, but loving Lan Wangji had already been as easy as breathing, so it was easy.

Life seemed good, it seemed great, it’s almost comical then, how safe Wei Wuxian left himself be, in those months before the accident, how he thought well, what else could possibly go wrong now? Everything. As usual. Wei Wuxian has never tried to question anything to the universe ever again.

It was a very cold day. That’s the only thing Wei Wuxian can remember with absolute certainty. It was cold. And it had been raining. Him and Lan Wangji decided to spend the afternoon after his classes at his dorm, it was a tight squeeze, in his individual bed and with (add random name), his roommate, but they loved it regardless. After the third episode of the reptile documentary or something, Wei Wuxian was fixating on, while Lan Wangji was napping pretending to listen, his phone rang, it was a late, so late in fact, he thought at first it was maybe an alarm that he forgot to turn off, no one reach for him that late, not even Wen Qing when she wanted to have an emergency study session or Jiang Cheng claiming Wei Wuxian have forgotten about him, without saying he wanted company. They usually went straight to his room, like an unspeakable rule.

So, he let it ring, and held Lan Wangji tighter; sometimes, when the nights run for far too long, he hyper focuses on that single moment, maybe, if only he got the call, maybe if he was quicker, maybe, maybe, maybe…

His roommate was the one to wake them up, hours later, he had a frown in his face, his hair spiked in all directions “Wuxian, someone’s looking for you at the door” he whispered, tried to be a little quiet, as it was, he liked Lan Wangji and always tried to respect his space.

So he went, and immediately was welcomed by the coordinator of his dorm, and the director of his career, they looked serious, a million things could’ve happened, a million things Wei Wuxian was ready to face, but they took him to another room, and put him in a call, he doesn’t even remember who it was, Lan Wangji swears it had to be one of his teachers, while he thinks it must have been one of his classmates who was already doing internships. The voice was stuttering, there was a collision, in the middle of the road, a car lost the brakes, it took two other cars with it, one of them, it was his parents, several people died on scene, he only got a hold of him because one victim held onto the paramedics long enough to ask for him.

The paramedic tried to get a hold of him, it was too late, they had to get to the ER, the paramedic only tried once again when he was back to the hospital and it was by name alone, that he got a chance to ask around for someone else to inform them, it has been hours since then, a surgery was finished, a call for a deceased too.

He's sure he doesn’t remember anything else from that moment, just Lan Wangji’s arm wrapped around him, inside the taxi, all the way to the hospital, all the way to the reception and through the room.

Wei Wuxian didn’t utter a word, or a tear, there wasn’t anything inside his body or his mind. Everything looked too bright, too intense, it was still morning, still raining.  Until that point neither were sure what exactly was behind that door, Lan Wangji was the one who opened it, slowly, holding his hand. Holding him.

Watching his mother almost lifeless body sleeping in the room full almost lifeless people around them finally broke him from his numbness, he fell in front of her, and just cried, he has never cried harder, Lan Wangji was there too, silent, Wei Wuxian sometimes can feel the way their bodies shook from the sheer force of their pain drowning them, it was too confusing, too impossible to assimilate, nothing seemed real, because, if his mother was there, breathing as faint as she was, that meant with a somber cloud that the person who was pronounced dead only 20 minutes after going through the doors of this building, it was his dad.

Wei Changze was 42 when he passed from a cardiac complication, when the surgeon from ER tried to stop an internal bleeding caused by the crushed of his chest by the steering wheel, he was responsive up until the last minute, insisting on looking after his wife, who was unconscious, insisting to get ahold of his only child, who was on campus in the middle of his midterms. “He’s going to be just like you!” the last words he said. He went quickly, he wasn’t aware of much anymore, he was assured.  

Wei Wuxian knows all of that information, because, Li Zhi, one of the surgeons that day, explained it all to him, slowly, while holding him by the shoulders, Wei Wuxian had felt something akin to care from him, funny, how all of this years after, he’s still on of the best doctors Wei Wuxian has ever worked with, now, even teasing one of his kids, he’s with one of the new interns popping this year’s rotation, a kid full of easiness, just like his dad.

There wasn’t a proper funeral, mainly because the paperwork to have one took way too long and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji didn’t know how to ever tackle something that bureaucracy complicated without help. And secondly because Cangse Sanren was so out of it was hard to have a full conversation with her, let alone having to explain her everything that has happened since she lost consciousness. Wei Wuxian couldn’t even force himself to try to do it, a professional mental health specialist, a small woman with big eyes, was the one who made sure her mother knew about the accident, about her injuries and the long way of recovery ahead of her, about Wei Changze’s passing and what was next for her. He heard her wails, muffled by the anesthesia, he hold her as carefully as he could, his hand seemed glued to her, Lan Wangji was on the other side, brushing her hair down, she didn’t said another word after that.

It was scary. It seemed that the nightmare would never end, it could have been days, it could have been hours. He still can’t understand how they could make it; everything is clear and yet so foggy, his therapist has encouraged to write it down if he ever is up to it, Wei Wuxian has never even tried. One call from Lan Wangji and Lan Qiren was there, he held Lan Wangji once, and when he turn around he hold Wei Wuxian in his arms, that day and his wedding day were the only times he has ever been close to him, and both times the old man has made him feel as he was a kid again, secure and safe. Lan Qiren showed once again, to try and save the mess someone else had created, he was resourceful and collected, he made sure all the paperwork    the insurance needed for the already long list of bills that had to be taken care of, for the hospitalization, even the possible rehabilitation process. He was also the one to call their schools about their absence.

The scariest part by far was to see Cangse Sanren like that, even when the doctors finally assure them that she could retain her mobility to her fullest as long as she comprises to it, the problem with all that was that it would take a considerable amount of time, space, money and motivation, from both her and Wei Wuxian.

Sometimes, at night, with only the daunting annoying  beeping next to his mom’s bed, Wei Wuxian would laugh at himself, laugh at how naïve he was, because he always thought that he was just so glad his family was as loving and strong as it was, he remembers, after one of Lu Yin and Qingheng-Jun’s fights, how he would sneakily go to his parents room, how he fell asleep squeezed between then and how sure he was that everything was alright because his parents weren’t like that, that they were never going to hurt each other like that. Losing his dad felt like a very nasty papercut, it’s there, every time you moved you’ll be reminded that it’s there, and there’s nothing you can do to rub the pain again.

Lan Wangji was a steady rock next to him at every moment. He barely slept, except when one of the nurses forced him to, they both sustained themselves with cheap hospital food and cold stale coffee.  The only time Wei Wuxian has ever seen him drink it. Even with everything slowly settling a little, the biggest question now was, how exactly was he going to take care of his mom's extensive and overwhelming journey to recovery. There was just too much to do, and how could he ever begin to try to tackle it all.

He needed to move out, probably, even drop out for indefinite time, he needed to find a job, he needed to arrange the apartment to be able for his mother to stay. It was too fucking much, he had no idea how in the world he could make it all work, the world was about to eat him alive, force him to give out every dream, every possibility. After the final talk with the doctors, he had to start making moves, he left the room carefully and he sat on the dirty floor of the dimly lit hospital waiting room with his hands in his head, slowly trying to rub his headache away. When he heard Lan Wangji’s light feet he sat right next to him and rubbed his fingers instead, the result was instant, the headache turning into a dull ghost pain.

“It’s too much” he said softly and give him a kiss on his shoulders, “But she’s fine baby, we will be okay”

“Lan Zhan, I can’t” confessing his fears was always easy in Lan Wangji’s arms “I have to- drop out, I have to look for a job… I don’t… I can’t… Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, what if I don’t want to? You know how little spots for scholarships there are, you know it will be next to impossible get one I just started to look for internships, I’m going to lose everything I just- I can’t.” the tears surprised him a little. After the first night at the foot of his moms bed, he barely had time to cry again, but they were there again, ugly, uncontrollable, unstoppable, like everything happening around him.

Lan Wangji held him tight, as he did every time “Shhhhh.  And you won’t have to, I promise you, you won’t have to lose anything, not anymore baby.”

“Wha’ you mean? How else-” he tried to speak against the hiccups.

“I’m going to do it.” Lan Wangji said softly, “I will take care of her, I’ll drop out, I’ll find a job, I’ll do it all for her” Wei Wuxian immediately tensed up.

“Lan Zhan, no. There’s no way, you can’t do that, I can’t let you do that! How could I even ask you to do that? Stop saying nonsense. I’ll fix it, I was just wallowing a little bit! You know how dramatic I can be.”

“Wei Ying, breathe, please, look at me” Lan Wangji softly forced him to look at him, there were tears in his pretty eyelashes. “You’re not asking me to do it, no one is asking me to do it, but baby I’m asking you, let me do it” he gave him a soft kiss in his nose, his cheekbones, his eyes and lastly on his mouth, probably the first kiss they have shared since everything happened.

 “Please let me do this for her, for you, it’s my turn to look after her,” he finished so, so softly, holding his hands, he rubbed them with so much love, so much adoration, always, always.

“I can’t do this to you” Wei Wuxian tried once again “It’s not fair.”

“Nothing about this is fair” replied Lan Wangji, “Nothing about our lives have been particularly fair, but we have managed to do it, because we have each other, because you have chose me and I have chosen you, again and again, so we will do it too” Lan Wangji rubbed his shoulders now, massaging him.

“I will do this baby, because I love you, I love her, I love us,” Wei Wuxian cries harder, the tiredness of everything catching up to him. No matter how fast he tried to run, the pain seemed to comfortably settle in his bones.

“Let me take care of her, she’s my mother too” he whispered between even more hugs and kisses. Wei Wuxian gave up, completely useless to that statement. Because it was true, Cangse Sanren was as much like his mother as she was Lan Wangji’s.

Lan Zhan dropped out of college the next day. Nobody made a big fuss. Everyone should have made it though, Wei Wuxian thought bitterly, the world was losing a mind like Lan Wangji’s, a mind that was destined to brilliance, but as he should learn already, the world kept spinning. Lan Qiren nor Lan Xichen said much about it, Wei Wuxian was sure that Lan Qiren was going to explode on them, but he didn’t, which was as surprising as it was scary, later, years later, he would come to understand that Lan Wangji had a conversation with them where he let them see clearly that they should know what was the place they held into the decisions of Lan Zhan’s life as soon as both of them decided to step back; their dynamic was something Wei Wuxian never dare to question, not even now.

Their friends only encouraged him, Wen Qing made sure they had access to all of what was needed for his mom to live comfortably while she was in rehabilitation, with the support of Nie Huaisang’s amazing secondhand shopping abilities. Wen Ning made sure to look for a spot in the rehabilitation wing for his internship to be closer to his mom, having first time access to her progress.

Even Lan Xichen offered to sometimes give them a little money, it wasn’t much, but it was more than enough to get them afloat. Once Lan Qiren suggested moving back, Lan Wangji made sure he didn’t, even though Cangse Sanren would probably benefit from having him close, her endless teasing for the man was a joy to watch. Moving to his childhood apartment was a little hard; they had to move to the main room since Cangse Sanren couldn’t handle it and they weren't going to force her to try.

The very first night he put on one of his dad’s jackets and cried himself to sleep. They packed everything the next day to make things easier for her.

Lan Wangji had to learn a lot to become the primary carer for his mom, and he did it with a fierce determination and grace that Wei Wuxian would never get tired of praising over and over again. He did everything with her. Which the very few months prove to be a challenge, if Wei Wuxian thought he was a little stubborn, it didn’t compare with the true terror Cangse Sanren was, she refused to speak, at first, to eat, to take her medicines, the sorrow she carried was way too big for her sick body, no matter how much Wei Wuxian begged, cried or even screamed, even if it was just once; it was hard, it seemed Cangse Sanren had completely given up.

And maybe Wei Wuxian’s guilt and pain were about to drag him down too, because he couldn’t think of a reason why should his mother even try, yes, she had him, but it a reality where he loses Lan Wangji and his body was tattered until it was almost unrecognizable, he isn’t so sure he would have it in him to move on.

Not for Lan Wangji,  he was careful and patient,  he never seemed bothered by the screams, by the moodiness, he might be the only one that actually accepted the quiet anger Cangse Sanren had boiling within her, her bitterness, all of her negativity, he took it with him and never complained, and slowly he made sure she came through as whole as she could, Wei Wuxian wishes he could have seen more of their relationship bloom, but he knows it’s something that belongs to them only, he has never dare to ask exactly how it went down, but little by little, day by day, his mother got some of the glimmer in her eyes, her first new steps, her needing just a cane to walk around or hearing her laugh, a year and a half after everything happened, made him cry all night, hugged by Lan Wangji, who was also silently crying too.

A few months after that, Lan Wangji threw around the idea of reopening his parent’s flower shop. Wei Wuxian wasn't so sure how it could work, but he and Cangse Sanren were convinced how it would bring some type of income besides the already half empty insurance money and Lan Wangji’s editing side jobs and rent from his apartment.

Lan Wangji also mentioned how much he enjoyed working there when they were teenagers. And so, they tried a bunch of bureaucracy and city permits, but they managed to re-open. At first, they almost lost as much as they made profit, but it didn’t scare them from trying, they made it work. So good in fact both hardly work full time there anymore, fully established again and fully staffed, they made it work.

They don’t talk much about the accident, not without a drink on their hand, they can talk for hours about his dad though, about his smile and his cologne, the spot in the dinner table where he misplaced a cup and the rime made the wood lighter, the makeshift computer desk he painted, his eyes and the way he would hug. It was hard, so hard, nothing seemed to be stable, even if in theory, it was.  

He knew more than anything how hard it was for his mother, how hard she fought with herself to be back, even if it was a little. She was truly the bravest person Wei Wuxian know, he loves her so much, she loves her so much, even if sometimes her eyes get too lost, her voice a little too hazy; even if sometimes she would hold Wei Wuxian, when Lan Wangji wasn’t around, and break down completely, telling Wei Wuxian how much Lan Wangji had saved her, how she never even fathom how she couldn't have made it mentally if it wasn’t for him.

“He’s our lighthouse, pointing the way back home” she joked once, lighter, that’s what Lan Wangji was for them. Lan Wangji would blush and tried to downplay it but it never deterred him from steadily making sure their home felt like a safe place again. So maybe they don’t talk about it, even if they should, maybe, but they work their hardest to go on with their lives, to always love each other.

Going through the rest of his college career is by no means easy. But it’s a welcomed distraction. Wei Wuxian knew he needed to stay on top of his class to get his scholarships, but he never expected it to be as comforting as learning, to understand the body, to want to fix it, to want to find the answers. The first time he got to be on an operating table by himself he wasn’t nervous, he was ready, ready for what's next. He proposed to Lan Wangji that same day.

They got married that summer, it’s a courthouse wedding, nothing fancy, nothing big.

They spent the evening before their day next to Wei Changze and Lu Yin memorials, they managed to put them close by, they kneel three times, they slow dance to a song Jiang Cheng puts on his phone.

They have their honeymoon in one motel near Wei Wuxian hospital, sneaking a fancy dinner and some candle lights, intend to have some privacy, they made love Wei Wuxian slowly fucking into Lan Wangji, until he has him in a mess of come and tears, they both laugh and cry and make out, they end up passing out cuddling and Wei Wuxian wakes up to Lan Wangji eagerly returning the favor. It’s the best day of Wei Wuxian’s life.

Little by little, with a lot of work, with a lot of pain, with a lot of love, they manage to build themselves a life, Wei Wuxian graduates with honors and five offers waiting; he still chooses the hospital where his mom stayed.

They buy a new home and Cangse Sanren suggests maybe living on her own, but the idea is shut down immediately, more firmly by Lan Wangji, his mom huffs annoyed but doesn’t fight it, she does request having rooms as far from each other as possible, they make it work.

Their life is by no means perfect, or easy, too many missing date nights or too many bills to pay, tears to dry, volatile moods but Wei Wuxian loves it. He never thought he could’ve loved his life like this again, to enjoy it, broken and misshapen, pressed to fit, but he does, he loves it so much, he works everyday to make it work, to make his family happy, safe, loved, cared, they lost so much, but like Lan Wangji promised that night at the hospital, he loves them.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Wei Wuxian blinks the sleep away slowly, it happens every now and then, getting lost in the past, it’s a personal punishment, even if he knows it’s not fair, but the what ifs and what nots will always hunt him, he doesn't even regret anything, not anymore, but he is a little masochist, he can't help it, he's his mother's child after all.

Standing up it's harder than he thinks and with a look at his phone he knows the 20 minute nap turned into a 40 minute one, which is not at all ideal, it fucks his whole bodily schedule, all the lights are off already, except the ones on the kitchen, Lan Wangji's soft noises as he washes the dishes the only sound now, he bought him a dishwasher two years ago that Lan Wangji doesn't really like, something about him feeling the dishes are not clean enough even though him and his mother use it regularly and Lan Wangji never complains about it.

The soft light makes him look too cuddly, he’s a beautiful, beautiful man, he’s no longer as lean as he was, he bulked up a lot since he helped his mom into rehab, his hair is no longer waist long, he enjoys a shoulder length or a pixie, even when Jiang Cheng mentions how much like an elf. Wei Wuxian always had a thing for mythical creatures.

“Hey hottie, here all by yourself?" He plasters himself all over Lan Wangji's soft and warm back. He's almost finished, just drying the sink and countertops.

"Mm." Lan Wangji gives his hand a little kiss

“That’s such a shame! No one this pretty deserves to be this lonely!” he feels the amusement radiating from his husband.

"I'm afraid I have a husband that works in a private hospital he's very negligent with me" Lan Zhan deadpans "He also tells me that not allowed to speak to anyone really"

Wei Wuxian huffs a breath,  “Yeah?, a pretty princess in a tower? I bet your only job is to look pretty and wait for him to come home huh" he starts kissing Lan Wangji's neck

“Basically yes." Lan Wangji puts all his little washcloths to dry, he puts Cangse Sanren collection to shame.

“But only, if he has to look as pretty as me” he turns around to kiss Wei Wuxian, deep, just how he likes it, and Wei Wuxian feels like he's floating, it can be years, it has been years, but the rush that runs through his whole body everytime Lan Wangji kisses him has not vanished even a little.

“Fancy doing something tonight?” Wei Wuxian wiggles his eyebrows, as it is, his timetables are all over the place, yes being chief surgeon has way too much advantages, but the shifts still are all over the place, since his mother’s passing, Lan Wangji’s never been a consistent sleeper so he’s always accommodating, having a very nocturnal lifestyle, amazing how many things now are a 24 hour thing, it also means that he would be awaken at 5 a.m if Lan Wangji decides he wants to do hot yoga along side the sunrise.

“Hmm, we need to make some lists” That’s another thing Lan Wangji is an expert with, no one messes with his lists. But he kisses him again, and tries to make them some space, and fails, kisses him again.

“Yes, yes a list, whatever you say baby” he starts to brush away Lan Wangji’s hair, he seemed lost looking at his chest, shirt unbuttoned when he took his nap, the chain that holds his ring shining in the middle of their kitchen.

It always gets Lan Wangji, how he never takes it off.

“My eyes are up here you know" Wei Wuxian says with a smug face. Lan Zhan blinks and the blush takes over his face rapidly.

“My apologies, we were having a conversation, what I wanted to say-” he tries but both of them know it’s a lost cause already, “yeah this, it isn't what's supposed to be about, " he looks up, eyes a little unfocused.

“No, no, husband, objectify me a little, I'm all here for it"

Lan Zhan could only blush more, the pink reaching all the way to his nose

“You know all this work is for your eyes only” he fake bulks his arms, he does work out here and there, and he has to be strong, but there’s not really much to feel, it still works for Lan Wangji.

"Wei Ying" he whispers offended, “We have an important discussion here"

“Right, yeah, but you haven’t even really started?" he grabs Lan Zhan as he says it, pulling him by the waist.

“Mhm.” he clears his throat, “here taste this” he then opens the fridge and takes out one of the saddest looking things he have ever seen, they look like something?

"What are those" he asks half surprised half disgusted, they are thin and a little sad looking blobs, he smells them, ah okay, sad looking brownies, he briefly wonders if his mom had tried to endeavor into cooking edibles again, she just never gets it quite right, and maybe Lan Wangji had displayed in the counter as some sort of test, he pinched one and tasted it, it wasn't bad but it wasn't good, but no pot in them at least.

“They’re keto brownies" Lan Zhan says as he takes a bite of one of them, very delicately

"Uhmmm so this is repugnant" Wei Wuxian hisses, even if he takes another bite of it, "Why oh why would my dear husband need this white people food nonsense again?”

Lan Zhan looks at him unimpressed as he sits in the counter facing Wei Wuxian  "This is what we needed to talk about, these type of dieting, it has appropriate nutrients for your mom's diet, specially her sweet cravings, we promised we will get her cholesterol levels down this year” he looks more serious

“Actually, husband if I remember correctly, you promised you wouldn't protest any more and you would help me convince her"

That he did, six months ago, the test results for his mom’s general health came through and if they’re not bad, things could get much better, so of course, Lan Wangji went through a little freak out, both Cangse Sanren and him didn’t even tried to convince him not to, but that had also lead for them to get into interesting faces of eating, last night there was a whole faze of only eating spine soup for lunch, a-niang took it like a champ, never one to complain where it comes to Lan Wangji’s wishes, Wei Wuxian not so much, it broke down an argument for two days, not even interrupted between shifts, that ended up with Lan Zhan not packing his lunch for half a week, a time Wei Wuxian felt it as it was a whole year, he tried some food from the hospital and his skin broke down for the first time in years, it was embarrassing, Lan Wangji forgive him that night.

“Ahhhh! Well yes, I did promise that! oh my, what a tyrant of a husband you have! Shame on me! I promised! oh god, they truly are not that bad…. Lan Zhan, I'm sorry, these ones I can’t do” he takes an exaggerated eager bite, yeah definitely not bad not good, he guesses it might be a good thing if it helps his mother to eat anything sugary if these are the options

“Get rid of the stevia though, that shit it's so nasty Lan Zhan" he kisses Lan Wangji’s neck, a little bit of brownie crumble falling into his shirt, if things end up how he wishes so, he'll lick it off later.

"Yes, I will, I hate it actually, it makes my throat feel weird," Lan Wangji’s sighs.

“But we need to figure it out something” he sounds defeated as if this was a last resource.

“And we will, I promise you, we can try again with the fiber intake, and I know how much you enjoy the airfryer.” he pecked him twice, and helped him jump out of the counter,

“Mmn.” they move slowly through their kitchen,

“Speaking of things we can get rid off, we have to get rid of this too" Wei Wuxian says, as he innocently grabs the instant coffee Lan Wangji has innocuously displayed on the top of their little hot drink station counter, another one of his mom’s Pinterest suggestions.

"No" Lan Wangji takes it and finely places in the exact same spot as it was

“Oh c'mon that thing is abhorrent" yes he’s whining, mainly because he knows it is not going to work, it never does, Lan Wangji is weirdly obsessed to that disgusting concoction of a drink, he has never liked coffee, rather fond of tea, golden milk, matcha or bubble tea, but if by any chance he has to drink coffee, it's going to be that, instant coffee, it's even caramel flavored for God sake, it's too much even for poor Nie Huaisang the self proclaimed caramel macchiato expert, Wei Wuxian has tried everything to convince him, he even gifted him one of those fancy, stupid expensive machines with more than a hundred flavored capsules, with organic packaging, thank you very much, but Lan Wangji refuses to touch it, only when Mianmian is around and even then he makes a cup just for her and one for Wei Wuxian. He has made a point to tell him it doesn’t even taste like coffee, which Lan Wangji had grinned, too placed with himself and replied with an “Exactly”.

“Well, lucky for you it's my coffee, not yours, not your mothers, " Lan Wangji bops him in the nose and throttles away to their room, Wei Wuxian is obsessed with him

“You're so right, how come you're always so right??? Like you’re absolutely hot right now, please keep talking" Wei Wuxian catches up to him and hugs Lan Wangji, he drags his hands slowly through his shirt and enjoys the feeling of pure solid muscle, this is one of the reasons Lan Wangji is a true wonder, the man spends as much time on the gym doing barre pilates as he does idly watching shows with his mom

“Hmn. Husband, it seems you're the one objectifying me now" his tone is very teasing, even more so when he drags him by the bed and pushes him to sit in the middle of it, quickly straddling him

“Oh my my, someone's eager? I thought we needed to discuss diet- " Lan Wangji  opens his pants and mouths softly through his underwear, he has a thing for it, all types of fabrics have gone through that mouth, through teeth, he could do a very thorough review of different underwear brands, Wei Wuxian swears,

Lan Wangji looks up then, after licking at the point where his head is getting wetter by the second.

“If you insist we can still talk about your mother's diet” he gives a tiny kitten lick next to the head, Wei Wuxians whole body trembles

“Or you can fuck my mouth?”

“Yeah, fuck, c’me here”  he gets rid of his pants completely, and fumbles through Lan Wangji’s clothes too, he has a mind to grab one of the hair clips that Lan Wangji keeps on their night table, his head hits Bunbun, a frankly obnoxiously big and pink stuffed rabbit, very old too, it’s from one of their very first dates Wei Wuxian won it at a fair, Lan Wangji loves that thing so much it has survived as a permanent fixture in their room decor, no matter how much it could stand out.

The thing is not welcome in their sexy times, a very severe rule Lan Wangji has never broken, they have other stuffies for that sort of thing, thank you very much. So he silently apologies to Bunbun before he throws it across the room

Lan Wangji has his mouth half stuffed with his cock now just sloppy mouthing at it, Wei Wuxian does a quick work to do a half updo and clip Lan Wangjis hair so it doesn’t get too messy, he has an app, on both of their phones with his hair washing schedule, Wei Wuxian always keeps in in mind.

The truth is that Wei Wuxian loves it when it gets messy, he doesn’t really care. He knows it's inconvenient, that Lan Wangji doesn't like to wash the bedding too much because the fabric softener ruins it, but try as they might, they can't help it.

He can’t wait to fuck him.

“Fuck that’s it, that’s it, you always take me so good” Wei Wuxian whimpers, Lan Wangji is taking him slowly, up and down, up and downs,  as the years go by, he was half expecting, half dreading, for his words to turn too repetitive, or monotonous, but the thing is, he’s not lying, not a single time, Lan Wangji’s mouth is a thing to admire, his skills have only gotten better,  he massages Lan Wangji’s skull before grabbing him by the hair and just make him take his cock completely.

Lan Wangji makes a pleasing sound and closes his eyes, his whole body goes slack, he gets so dopey when they do this, he even goes non verbal and Wei Wuxian would never be in awed in how much trust Lan Wangji has in him, his whole body and mind, always at Wei Wuxian mercy.

“Yeah that’s it, you just take it so well, huh? Your mouth was made to be fucked, you crave for it, right baby?”

Lan Wangji mewls, tries to nod, but he can’t do much when his face is locked by Wei Wuxian’s hands and cock. He hits Lan Wangji’s throat tight, hot, wet, perfect.

He keeps the punishing rhythm for a few more minutes until he feels in his stomach that familiar heat, he moves Lan Wangji’s face away, he has tears and snot all over his face, his tongue is stretched out and spit is slowly falling into his cock, pretty, he's so pretty, and he’s all for Wei Wuxian, for him only, he could come like this, and finish painting that face, but he wants to fuck him, it’s been exactly a day since he could do it, he needs it.

“Think I can see you take it like this? Or do you need to lie down?” he asks as he softly pets Lan Wangjis face, he kisses him until Lan Wangji give a soft yeah into his mouth, he makes quick work with prep, fingers working over time, Lan Wangji half laying on top of him half jerking him, he spit on him a little and Wei Wuxian wants to come just from that too.

“Yeah, okay alright, you ready?” it’s not a question he needs to ask, he knows Lan Wangji’s body perfectly, but he needs the distraction to calm himself a little, Lan Wangji steals a kiss from him and climbs back on him,

“I’m always ready for you” he whispers into his mouth as he sinks into him, this is one of the best feelings in the world, the heat of Lan Wangji’s body, nothing has ever come close, not even his first successful solo surgery, nothing.

They move slowly after that, grinding, enjoying their closeness, sharing lazy kisses and Lan Wangji playing with his nipples. Tiny bites that drive him insane.

When they were younger he used to bottom way more, it's not like it’s important for him, he doesn't care, any sex, and they have done it all, with Lan Wangji is the most mind-blowing sex to ever exist, yes it doesn’t matter if he has never had any other experience, he just knows it, but it it's true that with his age, and his still indulgence for spiciness not many can bare, that he simply doesn't want to, the prep can be a lot time consuming, and besides Lan Wangji,  the horny monster can go in for hours before he's done with him (their record it's 5 hours and that took him a two week recovery period) also when he does and he's back at the hospital his back kills him, his knees too, and everything seems to work in slow motion, so yeah bottoming it's not what he’s used to now and it's okay, also Lan Wangji loves it, he has mastered everything, the prep, the routine, the steps, he discovered what bottom friendly overnight oatmeals was and was a goner, he gets it covered, Wei Wuxian will never do that to himself he loves a full breakfast, he loves spicy oily eggs, they have found their thing, pretty much like anything else in their life. It’s perfect.

When he feels Lan Wangji starting to break the pace, he grabs him by the hips and pushes hard, Lan Wangji moans and his whole body moves with it, he loves when their fingers leave marks.

“Bend me over?” Lan Wangji pleads

“Make me feel it” he kisses him again.

And who Wei Wuxian is but a devoter of Lan Wangji’s pleasure, so he turns them around, gets Lan Wangji in four, makes his back create a beautiful arch, thank god pilates, and slides hard into him, they both moan, Lan Wangji let’s his whole face squish between their pillows, he clenches as he slaps inside again and Wei Wuxian feels it.

“Yes, yeah, you tight that little hole of yours, you won’t stop me, can’t stop me, your body is mine” he blabbers a little, the haze of it all taking over him.

“You feel it?” he slaps Lan Wangji hard, bright pink adorning his skin as he does, his husband moans, and tries to keep up with the new angle, he keeps shaking and moaning.

“Harder, please, harder, give it to me please husband” he begs, so he must be close then, fucking his mouth always makes him come faster, so he steps it up, knees beginning to numb, the filthy slaps fill their room, he gives two other slaps, in each cheek and bites Lan Wangji’s neck as he grabs Lan Wangji angry purple cock and tugs dry and hard.

“Yes, yes, husband just like that husband, yes, yeah” Lan Wangji little chanting does it for him.

The sound of something obscene, drowning out even Lan Zhan whimpers when it gets to be too much, it's never really enough for Wei Wuxian though.

And then he’s coming, filling him to the brim, Lan Wangji moans, his legs shaking too, his body a wire that’s been cut lose, Wei Wuxian keeps going, cock still hard, pushing his come back inside the sore hole, he loves to feel it all, to do it all, his favorite part is this, Lan Wangji, completely willing and ready for him to cover up with his mouth, or spit, lube, come, he loves that it leaves a trail, that he's making a mess on his husband, his beautiful husband who is always rendered speechless when he rams into him over and over and over again even if both are done.

He keeps pushing his come back inside, while Lan Wangji shudders through another orgasm, crying loudly as he does, his legs finally give up when another shake takes him over, as the overstimulation gets to be too much. Wei Wuxian stops, puts his thumb inside and lets the wave wash over Lan Wangji until the end, when only his silent cries can be heard, then slowly, carefully, cuddles him from behind, filling him with kisses, and I love yous all over his skin.

He loves the feeling of their come mixing between their thighs, filthy, sometimes a little too filthy, Lan Wangji indulges him with it, but he absolutely must clean them up.

So after a few minutes, he does so, there’s a baby wipe warmer in the corner of their room, and he wipes away while kissing Lan Wangji hair, he also makes him  drink the ginger water he prefers, more and more kisses, he detangles his husband hair and cuddles him some more, waits for him to return to him with a soft hum and “I love you” promised into his shoulder. He’s breathless everytime he hears his husband tell him that.

Wei Wuxian is breathless once again when Lan Wangji manages to do both their night skin care within 20 minutes, and cuddling in bed after another 5, he’s matching their calendar for their next few days,  he has a very time efficient husband, he’s just lucky like that

“Do you think you can squeeze some of your lunch time to check out the new vacuums I put on the wishlist? We need to pick one soon for the waiting list” Lan Wangji has his head and phone laying on his pec, softly moving his other hand through his other pec,

“Baby I promise you I do not care how the new dyson will look like, you can pick” he gets a pinch for that

“Oahhhhaaah but I will make you to give you my vote by tomorrow”

Lan Wangji turns off his phone and their bedside lamp and resumes his cuddling position,

“Can you turn on the white noise, my brain is too happy orgasms blissed” Lan Wangji turns it on without much fanfare

“Weird because if I remember you only orgasmed once” he says it in the nonchalant way of his and Wei Wuxian dick jumps excitedly about it,

“You seriously are going to kill me one of these days” he hums as he grinds lazily next to Lan Wangji ass

“We’ll see” Lan Wangji takes his hands through his chest and they don’t do much more talking after that.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

The morning is a quiet affair, sadly husbandless, just breakfast with his mother while Lan Wangji was at the flower shop, a big event coming up and even if he rarely gets all hand into it he still enjoys participating throughout the whole process he did wake up with a huge hickey right underneath his collarbone so it's not all lost.

He's debating if he can push for an hour at the gym when he gets a pin for him, impart meeting, directly with Wen Xu, the hospital general director and an obnoxious but manageable pain in Wei Wuxian ass, it could be worse for him, he could have a Jin in that chair.

At his hospital floor he's greeted by Mo Xuanyu, his designated personal assistant  and favorite intern, yes it was because he had realized how much twining ironically they were.

“Good morning sunshine” he says gleefully, he heard from Wen Qing in the group chat that the ER was packed with a bunch of intoxicated college jocks from bad sushi and alcohol, a whole all hands on deck situation and it went for hours, he's kinda rueful he wasn't on call to see it all unfold, oh the joys to be an intern.

Mo Xuanyu growls like a dying creature and hands him his daily paperwork and coffee, real coffee, of course and he takes a long sip from it.

“Awww what got you all worked up” it's innocently enough he knows the nurses won't think he's bullying the kid, again, they just can't resist Mo Xuanyu’s baby cheeks

“I know, you know exactly what happened, doc” he rolls his eyes, hard, and Wei Wuxian wants to pat him in the back, he just loves this particular team, it's not been long since he started to be a leader but it has been long enough that some of the faces blend a little.

Qin Su comes barreling in right on time, she was in trauma and according to Wen Ning, a perfect angel as usual, but to Wen Ning they all are.

“How true is it that one from first year was so dizzy he ended up in a pile of puke?” she asks bluntly, she's always sharp like that, maybe a little too much, that's why they have been working a lot on her social interactions, too many kids have cried after a visit with her. She loves the pediatric wing, she'll get there.

“I honestly have it all blocked now, so please don't ask me, I don't know, I don't care” Mo Xuanyu replies deadpan.

“You’re no fun” she shoves him a little but before he could shove her back Wei Wuxian gets between them.

“Calm down my children, we got work to do, also I was promised video evidence anyways, that'll make a perfect lunch discussion, so let's move but ah” he checks his clock, Lan Wangji cute pillow face staring back at him

“It appears, we officially have, and for the third time this week I might add, not one but two losers for this month ‘won’t get to the operating table’ candidates!”

He turns to the left to the empty space where his last two third years should be standing,  the squeaking of the running shoes echoes through the hallway, a second later followed up by a very disheveled Xue Yang and A-Qing.

“I’M SO NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES LATE DOCTOR WEI” A-Qing is gasping for air as she reaches her spot, messily buttoning her uniform, she missed one already, she's a gem, she almost lost an eye on a car accident when she was little now she's one of the best hands he has seen in years, if she does stay with surgery's, she'll reach places.

“Meh, put me at the back, there's no way I'm doing another emergency appendectomy this month” Xue Yang spats, he's a little shit, at first, and for long Wei Wuxian thought he was for the worse, but he has managed to deconstruct some of the kids walls, his history is not easy and the spirit is more than battled, but he's noble with smart, he just needs a firm hand on, well everything, and he'll reach oncology as he so secretly wishes.

“You both don't tell me what to do, or you'll have to help with the puke clean up I know it's still happening downstairs,” they both look mildly interested at that statement and yeah, this group is one of his favorites for sure

“What's the excuse this time, anyway?” he has tried and failed, according to Lan Wangji to get them to confess that they fool around in what can only describe as an epic fuck buddies situationship since first year but he has only have vague and inconclusive evidence thus far,

They both jump a little with that, and avoid looking at each other too

“I wasn't with him”

“We were on-”

They both speak at the same time and promptly shut up at the same time, they don't try a second time, Lan Wangji is going to love this development.

“Next time one should at least come after the other” Qin Su intercepts

“Or at least do it on this floor so we don't have to wait up, we do have dorms and it’s way more spacious than an utility closet!” Wei Wuxian cheekily replies he hears the stamers from both of them

“Aiya, shh, just remember, no funny business in my office! That room is sacred for matrimony only” the four of them groans, they can feel what's next

“My matrimony only” he can't help it, he winks and wiggles his eyebrows, the groaning from his group is totally worth it.

“Let’s bring back shame” murmurs Mo Xuanyu as they start their day.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

It's a few hours later, a bunch of check ins and outs and one particularly gnarly looking missing finger versus mower that made them forget about puke gate, that they're in the break room that he remembers he should have gone to the top floor hours ago.

“Please someone tell me you have something good for me," Wei Wuxian questions out loud, to no one in particular but maybe a little to A-Qing who somehow has an intense control of his files

“Actually I do!" Her eyes are shining,

“Was meant to tell you all morning but the kid with scissors was way cooler, we got asked to take over a paid transplant!”

She's reading through the report, so that was the email he got this morning and the petition from Wen Xu too, ah yes money, the bread and butter of any prestigious hospital.

“Old man is willing to pay for everything!!!" She hands him the file, full of the medical record, sick for the last few years, not much life expectancy, too old to be a priority on the lists, too rich to care, the file also includes all the costs and Wei Wuxian eyes bulge a little, people with money, especially old dying people are so ridiculous,

"It's easy breezy, really, he even has a family member ready for the donation!" She's almost squealing, big money like that, with no big stakes, no running in circles with big insurance corporations to keep people living makes their days a little easier, mostly it meant that this case would hopefully fill some extra cash for their non profit program that it's been set in the hospital, every penny counts.

“Well that seems fun, I hope, when does the old bastard come through then?” He wonders if he can get to Wen Xu before the patient comes in, maybe he can convince him to give the non profit more than 14% as it usually goes if he promises to treat him extra nicely.

“He seems to be already here, Wen Xu insisted on re-running every test here and the guy just let him” she's reading through the update emails, ah so no time for extra boot licking.

“Alright kids, you heard, time to treat a vip and hopefully go home to take a deep deep shower, yes I'm personally talking about you Mo Xuanyu,” the kid flips him off under the table, they stand up and go their way.

“Which one of you would want him to be your sugar daddy? I bet he’ll be into it" The four of them sigh, they're so done with him, it's energizing, Wen Qing always mentions how much he seems to enjoy their negativity.

As they walk by the lobby, closer to the room they have to go, it’s as usual, he feels him, so he turns and stops when he sees him. It's not uncommon for Lan Wangji to show up from time to time, it’s always a great treat, but the way his face is pale and how it's noticeable that he is shaking a little makes Wei Wuxian stomach turn,

“Baby? What are you doing here?” suddenly he's back to the time he was defenseless to all the bad years, suddenly there’s flashes of dark rooms, cold nights, caskets and empty rooms,  

“Is it… is it mom? is she okay?" But then, she’s taking place next to Lan Wangji, holding him firmly, she is there, and she looks fine, except of the matching pale face, her eyes are hard and her mouth is set in a thin line, she has her cane with her, so it must mean they were doing some heavy walking, but besides that, she looks perfectly okay, his lungs catch some air, he makes himself breath a little easier.

“What happened? Are you guys okay?” he looks at both of them, tense and lost, he doesn't know what to do when both of his rocks are tumbling in front of him,

“I, I got a call, this morning, there was a- an email too, I- I tried to call you- I think I called you- but I" Lan Wangji’s words are said so soft, Cangse Sanren holds him tighter, Wei Wuxian knows he tried to call him twice, saw the notification, but he was in the middle of the finger reattachment surgery, tries to remember if Mo Xuanyu mentioned if he got called from the hospital, looking by the way Mo Xuanyu and his group have moved away and pretend their busy, it must be news to them too, so he takes them to their office, both looking grim and lost.

As soon as the door locks he engulfs his husband in his arms, Lan Wangji all but melts there.

“That’s it, baby, breathe, just breathe,” they hold each other for a few minutes, his mom is sitting at his desk, she catches his eyes, dread fills her eyes.

“Do you mind if she tells me what’s happening?” he whispers in Lan Wangji’s ear, he hums his response.

“The call, it was from Qingheng-Jun,” Wei Wuxian’s blood turns to ice, that’s a name he hasn’t heard in a long, long time, thought about it even less, he’s not sure how he supposed to feel about it, it’s really not about him, so he squeezes Lan Wangji more.

“And what exactly does he want now?” he spats, his mother avoiding his eyes.

“Apparently he’s sick, he’s been for a while, and well, he asked-” Cangse Sanren’s face does something complicated, she sighs and holds the desk tighter.

“He asked him for a test, something about a matching donor, he needs- well he asked for a transplant, kidney" she hisses, Wei Wuxian finally makes the connection, he almost completely forgot, there’s a new patient, “he even has a family member ready for the donation!"  

There are no words for all the anger he feels boiling down, he has many questions, many profanities to scream, but before all that, he holds Lan Wangji.

“Absolutely not.”

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

The floor where Wen Xu’s office is not a place Wei Wuxian has spent much time in, sure he’s a big name among the directives table, for both good and bad reasons, but if he’s adamant in something is in how little he cares about their politics, and they seem to respect that, his results has back him up for years.

Wen Xu is a few years older than him, full blown representation of nepotism, but at least he’s a dedicated one, determinated, severe, and what Wei Wuxian likes the most, a no bullshit type of person, this time though, as he looks at Wei Wuxian after he excused himself and rejected their new vip patient he looks very displeased.

“You know there’s no way I could deny this patient, right?” Wen Xu says.

“There’s absolutely no reason for you or anyone to decline him, he’s going to pay for like….. everything” he’s reading through the file, he looks bored, there’s a slight glint of wonder in his eyes.

“Now, if you had come to me this morning, like I asked you to do, I would have bent my arm and even given you more percentage for your social program, it’s a win-win all around.”

Wei Wuxian huffs. Wen Xu’s eyebrow arches curiously, the glint in his eyes intensifies.

“Hmm, actually, you usually beg me to take these types of cases, I have seen you take them away from Xiao Xingcheng or Song Lan…. I should ask if any of them want it then?”

“No” Wei Wuxian rushes to say.

“I actually think he shouldn't even be admitted to this facility” he spats, now Wen Xu’s bot eyebrows completely,

“Oh? Really and why’s that?” he looks at him contemplative,

“Why would you ever want to deny a patient for something as mundane as a quick transplant?”, he’s mocking him, that's for sure, but Wei Wuxian can’t pretend to care about it right now.

“I have my reasons” it’s the only thing he will offer. Wen Xu clicks his mouth impatiently.

“You’re being too cryptid, I don’t like cryptid” so he reads the file once again and well Wen Xu is not stupid, as much as he likes to act like he is,

“Oh!” he gasps in delight,

“Well, would you look at that! Your trophy husband is the living donor? Oh my! Direct blood line?” his eyes bulge, it would be funny any other time, right now it makes him feel nauseous.

Lan Wangji is also a very well known name among the hospital, not on purpose, and not exactly something Lan Wangji enjoys, he became popular at a New Years party the hospital held, his husband was a little self conscious back then, he felt he didn’t had much to offer in a place like that, at the end it didn’t matter, with a face like that, well, he has never gone unnoticed, naturally, the interest just grew, in a land where gossip is a wildfire that feeds overwhelmed, overworked and overbearing people, it’s impossible not have noticed him, yes to some he’s just the hot trophy husband of Wei Wuxian, to other’s he’s an eye candy and to others is an enigmatic creature.  

Lan Wangji has accepted it and even played it a little with Wei Wuxian’s closest friends, he wears it with pride, both in and out of bed

To Wen Xu though, it’s been noted by Wei Wuxian that those eyes have never strayed far where they are in galas or parties, he is more than aware of that fact, Lan Wangji unsurprisingly, is too, but since Wen Xu doesn’t do anything but look and being obnoxiously polite, there’s not really much to do about it, except once when Lan Wangji smiled too and got him his paid vacation for their anniversary cruise, Wei Wuxian has to admit that it was kinda fun having that kind of power under his sleeve.

But if he has any hope for this to work, he needs to be honest, and Wei Wuxian hates showing vulnerability to any of their bosses.

“He’s not involved in our lives, he has no right to ask for anything from him” he concedes, maybe Wen Xu would understand, the Wens have a particularly complicated family story than only Wei Wuxian has known thanks to Wen Qing. Wen Xu's eyes soften a little.

“There’s not much I can do, he has been admitted, the board would never let these numbers go” he shrugs.

“Besides, Lan Wangji has already signed the paperwork to run the compatibility tests”

“He- what?” he wants to leave the office and find Lan Wangji and his mom, he left them tucked in his office, Wen Xu looks taken aback, so he wordlessly turns the computer for Wei Wuxian to read, he’s right, it was admitted in the morning, his mother and husband just failed to let him known that apparently the reason they were there it was because everything was already signed in. His blood boils again.

“Right, well excuse me then” he says and leaves the room, Wen Xu lets him, he tries not to feel dejected by the pity he sees in there.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

They’re not in his office and dread fills him again, he can see his team linger with curious eyes outside, he ignores them. So they’re already in the room.

He walks the north hallway until he can spot the familiar figure of his mother, straight as an arrow and looking green.

“Is he in there” he doesn’t mean to sound so severe, but he has been blindsided by his mother too, and by the guilty face she makes, she knows it

“Yes, they have been talking for a few minutes” she says softly

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he lets the hurt bleed into his voice a little, Cangse Sanren flinches a little,

“I can’t stop him from doing what he wants to do” she says defeated

“I can only support him, we can only support it”

“But it’s not fair, it’s disgusting.” he spats, frustrated.

“It’s not up to us to decide this,” Cangse Sanren says sadly. “We must have his back, as we have always done” Wei Wuxian ignores that part.

“Have you seen him already?” he asks instead.

“No, they’re just catching up.”

“Right” so he passes her and goes straight for the door, his mom tries to hold him back but it doesn’t work.

He gets whiplash as soon as his eyes land on that face.  

He looks virtually the same, not like Wei Wuxian has a very clear memory of him, but the grayish memory of him, he looks the same, serious, but not in the way Lan Wangji looks, not even like Lan Qiren does.

Wei Wuxian has two favorite pictures of his husband. The first one is the one he took himself on their wedding day, the sun was setting, and they escaped the growing buzz of their tiny reception party, to decompress, to process and yes to sloppy make out, they sat at the edge of the little mountain in the garden surrounded by tiny flowers that smelled like summer night. He had a little instant polaroid, a gift from Jiang Yanli, and as Lan Wangji was admiring the flowers, Wei Wuxian with his heart full, “Hey, husband” for the first time.

Lan Wangji turned, a beautiful smile blooming in his face and Wei Wuxian snapped a picture that moment, he has it framed in his office.

The other is a very old, purple by decay, photo of Lan Wangji and his mother, they’re in the hallway were they met, his mom has a huge smile while she squeezes a very disgruntled baby Lan Wangji in her arms, Qingheng-Jun is at the very corner of that photo. When he took it to digitize and restore, he asked the artist if it was possible to maybe delete him from it. The artist did a beautiful job, not a single trace of the man lying in the bed in front of him.

He wishes he could do that now.

Lan Wangji looks like a deer in headlights, but he clears his throat and stands up from the chair he was tightly sitting in.

“Fuqin, this is my husband, Doctor Wei Wuxian.” he turns proudly to him. Qingheng-Jun turns to look at him, there’s not a slight signal of recognition in his eyes.

“You’re married to the man who’s doing my surgery?” Oh. That voice however, that voice is something he doesn’t think he could forget, it was always scary.

“Fuqin, he’s- um-” Lan Wangji starts but he looks so lost, like a kicked puppy, the rage Wei Wuxian feels just ignites more.

“I was your neighbor a few years ago. Wei Changze was my father.” he says proudly and that gets a flash of recognition from that man, maybe from the few times his dad was the one who picked up his kids.

“I see. He’s a good man, how’s he doing?”

“He’s dead” Wei Wuxian deadpans, Lan Wangji head snaps back to him, horror in his face. Qingheng-Jun doesn’t react.

“Sorry for your loss” he offers, bile rises in Wei Wuxian, he’s not exactly sure why.

“Thanks.” Qingheng-Jun nods. No one says anything but he can see Lan Wangji nervously tearing at his nail. The silence is interrupted by a notification on his phone, right, because he’s working, and he left his team unsupervised for too long.

“I need to go.” he says in general. “Lan Zhan, a word?” Lan Wangji stands up and bows quickly to his father, Qingheng-Jun, looks at him expectantly, oh he’s a piece of shit.

“If you excuse me.” He won’t offer him more than that.  

“So a little warning about why exactly you’re here would have been nice.” Lan Wangji has the decency to look ashamed.

“I know what you were going to say.” he says softly.

“But you didn’t even give me a chance to talk about it? isn’t that a little unfair?” Lan Wangji nods.

“He’s very sick, Wei Ying, he needs this urgently, it’s complicated…”

“Complicated enough for me not to ask my opinion?” he scoffs.

“I didn’t mean it like that” Lan Wangji says, he can see the fight is igniting in him too, but they’re interrupted once again by his phone that pings three times in a row. Right. Time and place.

“I have to go, my watch doesn’t end until tomorrow at noon” he gives up and just hugs Lan Wangji, it’s not ideal but he won’t leave an almost fight leave them stingy when he can’t see his husband for a few hours.  

Lan Wangji hums. “I should stay with him” he ventures,

“No, go home, he’s going to be fine too, he has a  private room and it’s as good as a hotel, trust me,” he offers, that man is fine, that man will sleep well tonight knowing his abandoned kid has agreed to cut himself open to give him a few more years on this earth, Wei Wuxian swallows his fight “Please?”

“You promise he will be fine?” Lan Wangji voice is so small, it makes him ache,

“I promise, I will send him one of my first years if you want” it’s something he would have to do anyways, for protocol, he could ask Ouyang Zizhen, he’s a good kid.

“But you have to promise me, you won’t be doing the tests until I can make them with you? okay?” he knows is a lost battle but he tries anyway, Lan Wangji stiffens in his arms but doesn’t offer anything

“Please?” He knows he’s not being fair, but he has to, somehow, try and make Lan Wangji see reason, maybe.

“Wei Ying,”

“Yeah, I know, I- I know” he kisses him goodbye and pretends he doesn’t see the guilty face he’s leaving behind.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

The rest of his shift goes by painfully slow. His team feels it, they try to make it more light, but Wei Wuxian doesn’t have much to offer but tight smiles, and non committed hums. They at least seem to be extra committed.

He tries to avoid looking at the goddamn medical record, he really tries.

By noon Wei Wuxian is already exhausted and ready to throw himself in bed and shut his brain off. But he knows it’s not happening, so he braces himself for a fight, a real one this time, and opens the door.

He’s greeted with Mianmian and Lan Wangji softly talking in the living room.

“Good morning” he says tentatively, there’s some red in Lan Wangji's eyes, but he avoids looking at him.

“Hey Wuxian” Luo Qingyang says, she says ruefully, she has her pajamas on, she spend the night then, he briefly wonders if they slept at all but the day is catching up on him, and meanwhile she’s here, it means Lan Wangji will stay here too, so he drags himself to Lan Wangji, kisses him on his hair and drag himself to their room, he has a mind to change clothes and brush his teeth before he passes out in a dreamless sleep.

He wakes up a few hours after that, Lan Wangji caressing his hair softly, he’s on top of him, and for a brief second he doesn’t remember what happened.

“Hey” Lan Wangji greets him softly, he is dead tired too, but out of the two of them he’s the one to keep vigil when they’re stressed or anxious.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” he doesn’t sound mad, or angry, but he does sound serious enough.

“No,” he answers frankly, he stretches like a cat and sits and holds him more.

“I’m going to do it” Lan Wangji starts, he says it carefully, like he’s talking to a hurt animal, he breathes softly. “And I want you to do the surgery”

“No you won’t” he fights, he feels tears in his eyes, and it’s like he’s back to that room, in front of that man, “Why would you want to do it?”

“He’s my father” he sighs, he sounds hopeful. Wei Wuxian can’t contain the snicker that leaves his mouth.

“He left you.” He doesn't mean to sound crude, but he just doesn’t understand how it is possible for this to happen.

“He wasn’t doing okay mentally,” Lan Wangji offers, as if that has to magically fix everything, there will never be pity for that man in Wei Wuxian’s heart.

“He was too embarrassed to reach out, he wants to do better, you, well you didn’t hear him, but we talked, I, I believe him. He sounder genuinely sorry”

“Well I don’t.” he says again, he raises his voice a tiny bit, Lan Wangji closes his eyes. His husband looks so sad.

“Wei Ying, please.”  He doesn’t budge and Lan Wangji moves away from him.

“Think about all the money-"

“Money you needed growing up" Wei Wuxian spits, the memory of Lan Wangji without food or clothes printed forever in his brain, he can see the comment hurted him, he forces himself to ignore him.

“The money that can help your foundation, the free surgeries, the lives you can save"

A lot of them, Wei Wuxian thinks, probably enough to cover a month but alas, he could burn the whole world to ashes. It's not worth it.

"I don't particularly care" he tries once again.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji snaps, “Why are you being so stubborn?”

“Why are you being so goddam gullible?” Wei Wuxian snaps back and regrets it immediately when he sees Lan Wangji flinch

“Stubborn,” he whispers, “I think I need to take some air, I’ll take a walk” he says and stands up, he doesn't offer anything and neither does Wei Wuxian, he lets him go without much fight. The apology dies in his throat.

After a while, he’s done with his self misery and takes a long shower, he let’s the warm water take away his frustrations, and tries to find a better way to communicate with Lan Wangji, he thinks he got it but by the time he eats something and before he slips his shoes to go and find his husband, his phone rings. It’s Wen Ning.

“Hey buddy” he says with a fake chirp voice “What’s up”

There’s some silence in the line, nothing to be too worried about, Wen Ning doesn’t like phone calls. “Um, I’m so sorry to bother you, I know you’re off call, but- I’m sorry- is everything okay with um- with Lan Wangji?” his voice trembles, and Wei Wuxian sighs, of course word of mouth reached all over to Wen Ning in the laboratory, of course.

“It’s a long story, but we’ll be fine don’t worry Wen Ning”

“Oh- it’s just- well he’s” he waits

“Lan Wangji is here, for some tests?”  Oh. Alright then.

He’s at the hospital in record time.

Wei Wuxian doesn't know if he has any civil words when he interrupts in the room, Lan Wangji is sitting in the pristine chair, there's a nurse, who he thinks he's seen at some point, smiles awkwardly at him but does nothing but drag a chair and sit next to Lan Wangji. He offers his hand but Lan Wangji doesn't take it, at least he doesn't reject it, a small peace offering between them.  

He hates this, he can't help it, he hates the slight grimace Lan Wangji does with his mouth when the needle goes through skin, he has never been a fan of anything poking his husband, not even in donation blood drives. It's a very specific type of anxiety.

The blood fills the bottle, drop by drop, and Wei Wuxian can't help but feel resentment for that little machine, for the nurse, for Lan Wangji, for his idiot father, for everything.

The session ends soon and the nurse leaves with an uncomfortable face. We Wuxian can only offer a sad smile.

"That was a long walk," he murmurs and Lan Wangji turns to look at him quickly.

 "I'm sorry" is the only thing he offers.

“Sure,” Wei Wuxian snorts.

"This is how it will be from now on?" he asks him sincerely, Lan Wangji avoids his eyes.

“He comes back into our lives for one day and suddenly we yell at each other, lie and run away?" he looks briefly at Lan Wangji, his ears are red,

“I said that I was sorry," he murmurs.

Wei Wuxian tries to squeeze his hand, “But-” he gives up his hand falling flatley between them, “I told you I wanted to do it, so I will do my studies and if I’m a match, I will do it.”

There is a definitive silence between them, that has never happened before.  A new thing to thank the guy. Terrific.

"Then I guess I’m not needed here, got it" Wei Wuxian says and gets up from the chair, there's nothing more to say, so he gently closes the door and avoids meeting Wen Ning before he asks more questions, maybe he’ll sent him a text to assure him everything is okay.

On the way he calls the only person left to call, the phone rings for a few seconds.

"Hey Wei Wuxian, how's everything going?"  Lan Xichen's voice echoes throughout the car, they spoke a few weeks ago, he has been traveling a lot hunting for a new finance for his studies.

“Qingheng-Jun is back,” he says with a tone of defeat in his voice.

“Oh.  So he finally found him" he murmurs, he doesn’t sound surprised.

“So you knew already?" Wei Wuxian could be mad, but there’s really not much fight left in him.

“Ah well.” he at least sounds apologetic. “Something like that, he found my email, he sent a few emails that I never opened, then left a mailbox message at my office, he's sick, right?”

“He needs a transplant, kidney, for now” he spits bitterly. “Managed to convince Lan Zhan” that part comes out as defeatedly as he feels.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen sounds conflicted, almost disappointed

“I was kinda hoping he would be dead before he found him” Wei Wuxian snorts at that, surprised by his brother-in-law's bluntness.  

“Bad luck for both of us, I guess” Lan Xichen laughs too.

“So I take it you're not coping well with his decision”  says Lan Xichen with caution

“No, not really, we fought… two times already.” It's a little embarrassing to admit to his brother-in-law but he has never hid from him and he will not start now.

“I see, do you need me to talk to him?” He sounds unsure, but at least he looks like he’s trying to help, that’s not always the case with him.

Wei Wuxian sighs “Do you?” He hates to sound so insecure, he hates doing this behind Lan Wangji back, but he needs to at least try

“Well if he didn't want to hear it from you, I can't see why it would work with me but I can give it a go” he says softly like he's talking to a kid.

“It's your father too, I can't pretend to understand what that feels like” Lan Xichen snorts,

“Like pure shit” he can't help it, it makes him laugh again, hearing any of the Lans curse is like catching a sight of bigfoot or something, last time it was around New Year, it was Lan Qiren with a little too much of wine and a series of lost games against Cangse Sanren.

“Tell me about it, but yeah, thank you for trying”

“Mmmh, you know he's not going to be happy about us having this conversation, right?” Lan Xichen questions one more

“I'm aware” he doesn't offer anything else.

“Oh. So we are that desperate.”

“I'm not going to let him give a part of himself for someone who abandon him like that”

“He doesn't deserve it” Lan Xichen finishes for him

“No, no he doesn't.”

“Well, I promise I will try.”

“And that's all I can ask for, really”

“Thank you, Wei Wuxian, for always taking care of him” he says softly

"I promise I'll try," he says softly.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Back at their house, he says that he has about a few hours to do some things before Lan Wangji arrives at the house.

He does some cleaning and prepares something to eat, something simple and it doesn't even taste like much, but after all he sits down to watch some television.

As if announcing that a storm is coming, Lan Wangji appears at the door, slams it rather roughly, and Wei Wuxian is grateful that her mother has gone to the flower shop to help a little today.

“You accused me, like a little boy to my older brother?” Lan Wangji growls at him like an angry kitten. It should be less adorable than it is, but every version of Lan Wangji is a version he likes.

“Did he treat you like a little kid?” He counters back

Lan Wangji huffs “What are we doing? Wei Ying? This is not like us”

“Right, because everything that's happening thus far has been 100% our usual behavior” he mocks.

“Wei Ying”

“Lan Zhan”

They have a stare off, looking at each other for a long time. There hasn’t been a lot of fights between them. But if they have learned something about those times is that both of them can be at it for hours.

“I need you to accept this, I did the tests and if I'm a match I will do it and it would mean the world to me if you do the surgery.” Lan Wangji tries one more time.  

“And if I don't want to do the surgery?” Wei Wuxian defies him

“Then we'll do it with whoever want to do it” Lan Wangji says, “I will take a shower and go to bed, you're free to join me there or not”

“Yeah okay,” Wei Wuxian says under his breath

“Goodnight.”

He doesn't hear a reply.

When his mother arrives he's already in his mother’s bed, it's not a completely odd thing, there's days where he does it, where he needs it, just to feel her close, to feel her heartbeat.

“Oh you poor thing, I'll take it, things are still rocky?”

“You could say so” he says

Cangse Sanren cuddles him for a few hours then.

“Ah baobei, it will get solved, you two will figure it out, it’s an adjustment for sure. But I trust you guys.”

“Are you sure ama?” he asks

“I’m sure” he decides to believe her and lets her lull him to sleep. He has an early shift.

He’s ready to go to the hospital when he opens the door Lan Qiren is there.

“Good morning.” he says somberly. Ah. So his mother called him too.

“Uncle, what are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” he scoffs.

“Did Qingheng-Jun contact you too?” He can't help but to pry for more information.

“Yes and I already told him I would do the test too, I’m not sure why he contacted Wangji too.”

“Options?” Wei Wuxian sounds a little cynical. Lan Qiren doesn’t look amused.

“This is ridiculous, I will make it clear with my nephew right now,”

“Yeah. Good luck with that. It hasn’t worked with me, my mom or Lan Xichen, so I’m not sure you’ll have any success, I have to go, I will be doing 16 hours today, so please let me know how it goes, take care Uncle.” he rushes outside and he’s kinda glad he got to miss the long fight the Lans are famous for.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

He’s at the hospital and he can’t help looking at the room, sneakily. He’s there, he’s talking to the phone and seems animated. He can't help but try and make all the connections where he and Lan Wangji look the same, where they look different, wondering if Lan Wangji will look more like him or Lan Qiren at that age.

He also snoops in his file. According to the updated file, there’s two tests waiting for approval, so Lan Qiren wasn’t lying when he said he already said yes to all.

His calendar reminds him that today he and Lan Wangji have a quick trip to one of the apartments they have been remodeling, the idea is for them to rent it out, although he’s not in the mood to ask if Lan Wangji will go, he’s not sure he wants to hear the no. But Rose, their architect, has been waiting for them for a couple of weeks now, so if he has to go alone, he will.

At around 10 he gets a text from his mom, “Another round lost” and an emoji of boxing gloves with a sleeping emoji, ah, so he was right, no luck, why would he even be surprised at this point.  

When it is time for the free hours he cleared out he makes sure to leave Qin Su in charge, she looks a little scared but he promises he’s only going for two hours max, they don’t have much going on since they’re not on ER, but a lot of patients on their way out, so he hopes everything will be okay.

He arrives at the building with ten minutes to spare, he doesn’t think he’ll be seeing Lan Wangji today, but with 5 minutes to their appointment a rushed Lan Wangji arrives, he ignores him and they awkwardly make their way up.

“I thought you weren’t going to show up,” he says in the elevator.

“We have let Rose wait for us for weeks now, it’s impolite” he sounds so much like his uncle, no doubt he’s carrying the tension of their argument still.

“I know.” they don't say anything more. But he can see that Lan Wangji wants to.

“Did you know that my uncle also did the test?” he asks, annoyed.

“I found out this morning, yes.”

“Mn… And you couldn't have told me?” The vein in his forehead is prominent now, and Wei Wuxian could joke about how much he looks like said uncle right now.

“I found out before heading out, I figured since I didn’t spend the night in your room that I had a little to say with you. ” he doesn’t mean to sound petty but alas.  

“Our room”

“Yeah, whatever” he sighs exasperated, the elevator rings and opens up to the hallway where the penthouse is. Rose is waiting already, she has two assistants with her, they are wearing the same color and the same welcoming smile

“Hello! Welcome Mr. and Mr. Wei!” She's an excellent architect, but she can also be a little awkward when it comes to talking to them, that’s one of the things that sold them, she carries the same energy as Wen Ning does.

Lan Wangji smiles at her and follows her around. She shows them every room with all the specifications they agreed on, overall everything looks exactly like their last render showed.

Their crossing rooms when Lan Wangji stays a little behind and looks at him.

“There’s no way I’m letting uncle go through it, he’s not doing it even if he’s a match” he tries and fails to be discreet, it has never been his forte.

“Oh? and why is that? I thought we have made it obvious that everyone is doing whatever they want now. Doesn’t he have a right to do so?” he doesn’t mean to sound so annoyed, but well, he is.

Lan Wangji glares at him and moves to catch up with Rose.

It’s not until they look at the bathroom, work that took more than four weeks back and forth into picking the perfect stone that matched the imported natural stucco Lan Wangji got obsessed with.

Rose stays back so they can admire the lighting. However right now he looks at it for five seconds and turns around to look at him again.

“Why are you being so frustrating right now?” his husband huffs and Wei Wuxian can see that Rose definitely heard that.

“The house looks beautiful, all the final touches are lovely, she has great taste.” he says loudly towards her and drags Lan Wangji by the arm.

“Rose here is trying so hard to give us a tour babe and you're not even fucking paying attention!" He spits, Lan Wangji rolls his eyes and walks to her.

“Your eye for precious quarts is immaculate, you were right, I loved it, although i told you I would hate the warm light above the mirror, it makes my husbands skin look weird, but thank you Rose, you have a brilliant future ahead" Lan Wangji bows politely as he closes the door

“Oh! Thank you so much! Yes I’ll fix that! No problem Mr. Wei!" Rose says behind the door Wei Wuxian hopes she leaves, he’s too embarrassed to see her again.

“Tsk, you're something else,"

“We were not fighting in front of her" Lan Wangji replies deadpan

“Who says we're fighting?"

Lan Wangji looks unimpressed. “Alright"

“What are you doing then?"

“I thought I was just defending your uncle's right to do whatever he wanted, seeing as you’re doing the same…. Seee, I’m asking you a question,”

“He’s an older person. He has more risks, I can’t believe you think it’s okay,”

“Anyone who goes through a procedure has risks” huffs Wei Wuxian,

“I’m not sure why it’s important when it’s about your uncle but not about you!”

“Wei Ying, I told you… He’s my dad” Lan Wangji looks shy. “I need to do it.”

“Why?”  Wei Wuxian snaps.

“What why?” Lan Wangji looks mad, again.

“Yeah, why?” Wei Wuxian continues.

“We haven't even touched on the why! Not like you have let me have a single word in this but yeah I’ll ask why do you want to do this?

Do you expect to get his eternal approval if you do so? That he suddenly will call on your birthday? That he'll be a grandfather for our kids?" Lan Wangji looks surprised to hear this, a blush fills his face and Wei Wuxian is starting to regret this.

“You want me to explain to you why I want to help my dad?” Oh, he sounds wounded.  Betrayed. A part of Wei Wuxian is regretting this.  

“Yes.” but another part of him is fueled by anger.

"What if it was your father?" resorts Lan Wangji

“Should I question you then?”

“My father died baby, but I know that he fought until his last breath to stay with us" He doesn't mean to sound cruel, but he does regardless, he can see that it landed in a sore spot. This is wrong.  

“I already explained to you, he wasn’t doing good, he changed, people are allowed to change” Lan Wangji tries.

“And in his change he never tried to reach you. But now that he’s at the end of rope he has an heroic change of heart? Sorry to think it is a little too convenient.” There's a headache coming.  

“You can think whatever you want, you clearly already do so.”  

“Well excuse me for questioning the troubled and very new relationship my husband has with the person who abandoned him, it’s not like he has hurt him profoundly right? It’s not like said husband has issues so bad he has asked me to call me like that in bed from time to time" He regrets it as soon as he says it, a low, low blow, their sex life has always been shame free.

He can feel something else entirely has been broken and this time it's all Wei Wuxian's fault.

Lan Wangji doesn't do anything. Doesn't turn, doesn't even breathe, and it's a little over half a minute before a shudder goes all over his body. “My husband has always been brutally honest, snarky ..." He looks at him through the mirror, "Some even call him catty and annoying, but he has never been cruel" he looks so fucking sad, Wei Wuxian can feel their tears about to come out.

“Care to tell me where he is today?"

There's no answer. Wei Wuxian's husband, the fucking foundation of his whole life asked him a question, asks him to fucking reassure him, protect him and he can't, he can't because he already failed to do it .

“Have a great day Wei Ying, please don’t come to our room when you arrive" he doesn't say anything more, the silence that follows him is heavy and filled with regret.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

The shame fills him up the rest of the day, he tries to call, to text and even beg his mom to help him out, she reassures everything is okay but doesn’t offer much more. She offers to have dinner with him, after informing him Lan Wangji will spend the remaining visit hours with his dad.

“I was very fucking cruel to him, mom" Wei Wuxian insists after telling her a much more pg version of their fight, they’re in his hospital cafeteria, nothing is good but nothing is bad either.

“I won’t lie, you were, and it’s heartbreaking to hear”. she says sadly.

“You need to communicate when you two are not mad.”

“And when is that?” he wonders pathetically. “He doesn’t want to even see me tonight”

“Well definitely not today” Cangse Santen huffs, “You need to have a clear head for him to understand you correctly, give it a try. But you also need to see his side of things, and accept what he tells you. Don’t let it be a personal attack, It has to be better,”

“Mmmmh. I don’t like this, I don’t feel like myself, I just ruined everything right?”

Cangse Sanren laughs.

“Oh you two! It’s just that you have spent all of your years agreeing with each other in everything, it’s natural that this will throw you out of loop! You just need to work for it, like us mortals have to do!” It makes him laugh, and settles him.

“I promise I will, mom. Thank you. Love you.” His phone pings one time and when he reads it he feels his heart pounding.

Wen Qing texted, Hey i thought you wanted to know, Lan Wangji is a match, the only match. Shit.

He shows it to Cangse Sanren who just hums sadly and promises to go back with Lan Wangji and see what’s next.

He feels anxious for the rest of his day. He tries, again, to call Lan Wangji more than once, Cangse Sanren just says they’re back at home and he looks normal, just a few “he’s doing it” and that makes Wei Wuxian very very nauseous.

Unfortunately, an emergency trauma surgery, a big pile up in the highway, makes his shift way longer than it has and he has to force himself to not think about his personal problems from that point on, he has lives to save.

He’s very fucking tired. It's been a grueling shift, they lost someone too, a young man, he crashed twice and just when Wei Wuxian thought he would make it, they lost him, his team took it badly.

He did his best to reassure them, but he’s emotionally drained too, that got them 24 off so he's kinda glad he’ll have time to be off the clock and maybe try to fix all the mess that’s waiting for him at home.

It’s past 2pm when he finally makes it to his home. He’s so fucking tired.

Dragging his feet through his house is a noble task, he’s not sure he has it in him to keep going, when he opens the door he’s greeted with both mom and husband in the kitchen, Lan Wangji is blending something that smells awful in their ninja.

"What are you doing?" Wei Wuxian asks with a light tone of concern, the smell is nauseating, they both jump a little, they have been too concentrated in their little concoction to notices him,  

"I read that if you eat more cruciferous vegetables, it helps to keep your liver / kidney healthy, it's a precaution" Lan Wangji looks serene, you can tell he’s at ease, happy even, Wei Wuxian can’t take it.

"Why are you preparing yourself like a turkey that's been fattening?" He scoffs "What are you doing”

“You know what I’m doing” Lan Wangji replies softly as he takes a sip, makes a disgusted face but keeps on drinking.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” There’s venom in his voice.

Lan Zhan turns his head to the side "We are not having this discussion again"

"We are not having any discussion if only one side is discussing" he takes a step closer "almost as if only one side cares about both of them having this discussion" he tries and fails to lock eyes with Lan Zhan.

"If that's what you think, then this side has nothing else to say," he takes everything to wash and scrub methodically.

“Fuck me, I can’t do this right now" Wei wuxian gives up, moves towards their room.

“Nobody is asking you to do this anything” Lan Wangji scoffs, “I can’t do this anymore either, stress is not good before a surgery,” he turns to Cangse Sanren who has pretended to be busy drinking their concoction and gives her a kiss on her bangs.

“Forgive me ama, see you tomorrow,”  He makes a point of turning to the other side to completely avoid Wei Wuxian, the door to their room making a soft click as it closes.

Before the silence can grill a hole inside Wei Wuxian skull his mother hums and sits on the sofa, she grabs a blanket, Lan Zhan’s favorite that he always leaves  behind and Wei Wuxian's eyes almost water when he quickly runs to his mother's arms. Again.

"Still sure this is going to get figured it out" he sighs, his mother chuckles and rubs his back

"Tsk baobei, I told you you had to control your emotions better. But he’s already decided so there’s not much we can do"  

"I can't" he tries "I cant-" the tears fall anyway, it's like all the repressive emotions he has felt these past few days are coming all back to him, the body of that young man hunting him everytime he closes his eyes.

"I can't lose him, ma, if anything goes wrong, if he…” he can’t even say it at loud

“I can’t fucking lose him"

"Not again, not him, I won't be able to breathe again if he-" his mouth shuts automatically, “And that man doesn’t even deserve it, he seems so off, like this is costing him nothing.”

"Ah my honey, you know exactly how this procedure goes, you have done it hundreds of times"

“Doesn't mean something can’t go wrong, I have seen it happen a couple of times too.” Wei Wuxian allows the tears to fall freely.

His mother doesn’t say anything but both are thinking of his father. Impossible in this circumstances,

“Have you told him that?” she asks softly.

“No.. I.. not really, it hasn’t come up”

“It hasn’t come up or have you let your anger and resentment towards that man take importance over anything else?” she questions softly

“Ughhhhhh. You're right as usual..”

“you should talk to him then” Cangse Sanren taps him twice on his shoulders.

“I should, yeah. But I should probably eat, and sleep a little.”

“Rough day?”

“You could say so.”  Wei Wuxian has always been adamant to let his mother hear much about the bad things he goes through at work, no matter how much she insists it’s okay.

“Alright, I'll make you something quick and then you can take a nap, how does that sound hmm?”

“Like a dream”

After a big nap and a longer than necessary shower he approaches their room softly. He taps once and enters, thankfully is not locked.

“Hey” Lan Wangji doesn’t turn. He's in a pile of blankets, he has something playing in their little smart display they have in their room, it was an amazing find, both of them wary of having a tv in their room.

“I come in peace.” still silence, but at least Lan Wangji presses pause on whatever he's watching.

“And I want to start saying that I'm sorry.” Lan Wangji turns slowly at that.

“I could say sorry too.” Lan Wangji softly offers “We had a very ugly fight. We have been saying horrible things lately.” He looks so sad, Wei Wuxian hates he’s the reason why, he needs to fix this, so he takes a big gulp of air and slowly sits on the bed.

“Yeah, we have. I already texted Rose a big apology.” That makes his husband smile

“I sent her a flower arrangement already” Lan Wangji confesses and they both share a little laugh and then settle again.

“I know I have been fighting with you with all the choices you have made,” Wei Wuxian starts “And i have to confess. I let anger get to me too easily. I should have tried to understand you better.”

“You didn’t even gave me a chance,” Lan Wangji accuses him, which, fair.

“I know. that wasn’t fair of me.” Lan Wangji eyes him and sighs softly.

“Let me apologize too now” Wei Wuxian jumps a little, the refusal at the tip of his tongue but one look at Lan Wangji’s eyes makes him stop.

“I hoped you would understand without me explaining, you almost always do, and I let that get to me too, I snapped."

“And I know it wasn’t fair of me to not ask your opinion, even when I knew you will have said no” Wei Wuxian can’t help to snort at that, “and to run behind your back” Wei Wuxian can’t resist anymore and grabs his hand, Lan Wangji lets him, it feels good, it’s been too long since they touched.

“So yeah, I’m sorry I ran on you, and I sneaked behind your back, I’m sorry I got mad at you for letting my Uncle and my brother get into this” Wei Wuxian squeezes his hand.

“But, he’s my dad Wei Ying, and I can have a second chance with him, I know what it is to live without one, and this, this is not something that weighs on me, okay?”

“Yeah, I get it.” Wei Wuxian reassures him, “That should’ve been obvious right, I know we lost our parents and I know if only they had a chance to make it, I would want it”

Lan Wangji hums.

“I wasn’t completely honest with you,” Wei Wuxian adds too, it’s now or never, Lan Wangji looks at him with a curious face.

“I’m also really fucking scared.” Lan Wangji looks confused, “I'm terrified of thinking of you in an operating table, of your limp body, of opening you up, it petrifies me, and I know, I know we should’ve talked about this before, but the mere thought of you in any state like that makes me panic, it fills me with terror that it’s the last time i will see you, like it happened with-” he chokes a little, he can’t help it.

“I can’t lose you”  

“Oh Wei Ying”, Lan Wangji pounces at him, he starts to give small kisses all over his face, taking away all the anxiety he has.

“Oh Wei Ying, it never even occurred to me,” he kisses him again “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I would never want to scare you like that. I get it, I'm so sorry.” They hug for a little while and he accepts the apology, something settles between them, their embrace a healing place.

“I’m terrified, but I'm on your side okay? I’m ready, we’re doing this.”

“Are you? Are you sure?” Lan Wangji looks doubtful but there’s a little hope in his eyes.

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian takes a big breath, hoping Lan Wangji feels his sincerity. “You deserve a second chance with your dad, let’s make it happen.”

Lan Wangji smiles big and hugs him again.

“Thank you my love, thank you! The hospital informed me of the availability,” and shows him the empty spots. Wei Wuxian has it memorized already but he can’t interrupt his husband.

“We still have time for the surgery on Monday then, you have to rest, I'll fix you dinner."

“Easy hot stuff, I said that I will be by your side, but I need you to understand that I won't be doing any procedure" Lan Wangji brow furrowed in confusion

“I can't do it, I'm sorry, there's just no way I could cut you open, to hurt you, my brain can't rationalize it, I'm sorry"

“You could never hurt me Wei Ying" Lan Wangji tries to fight him but understanding is setting behind those golden eyes.

“I can't my love, this is the only thing I will continue to fight you on but please don’t ask me to" he kisses his hand, finger by finger until it reaches his ring

“I understand” Lan Wangji sounds a little disappointed but there’s no anger in there.

“But Wen Qing will do it, if I trust in anyone it's her, she's already asking for the paperwork to be done." Lan Wangji's head turns at those words.

“Really?"

“Really.”

“I love you.” Wei Wuxian says hugging his husband once again.

“I love you more my love.” Lan Wangji whisper in his ear.

And he can’t help it, it’s his turn to pounce him.

They end up making love.

They have discovered that as vicious as their fights can get, the only way that they can feel settled is with great sex, so that’s what they do.

It’s slow and filled with emotion, Wei Wuxian takes his time to appreciate Lan Wangji, they don’t rush it, losing hours at it. Lan Wangji turns him around and without warning, goes down on him.

Rimming is one of his husbands favorite activities, he can and has been hours at it, his jaw sore for days after, he manages to make him come after a few minutes, he’s very talented.

After he comes all over himself. He counts to ten and turns around to pin Lan Wangji to the bed,

“My turn” he says hotly and then goes to grind on him, Lan Wangji whines “Please! Do it”

“This" Wei Wuxian spits as he flicks his nipple "It's mine" he growls his hands roam lower until he's near his dick, slowly licking the tip.

“This is mine too" he has his fingers finally reach down there and scissors them, getting to the point that makes Lan Wangji shudder

“And this is all mine too, you're mine” Wei Wuxian knows he must sound crazy but after making Lan Wangji feel so bad, he has to make this so good.

“All yours” Lan Wangji whimpers as his eyes roll to the back of his head, he comes just like that, beautiful.

Sleeping next to his husband feels amazing. He finally dreams again.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

The next few days he makes sure to supervise all the details to the upcoming surgery, he avoids the room altogether. Lan Wangji is there everyday, they don’t talk much about him, but he can see how happy Lan Wangji is, so really, that’s all that matters.

It’s one day before the big day that he makes him promise to visit him to have lunch together, he arrives in the room but there’s only Qingheng-Jun in the room. But he’s not alone.  There’s a girl who is excitedly talking to him, hm so maybe one of the visits got lost, it usually happens. He knocks twice.

“Hey, I’m sorry, Lan Wangji asked me to meet him for lunch.” the girl turns around a confused look in her eyes. Oh. the eyes that are an exact copy of Qingheng-Jun. Oh no.

“Lan Wangji? Dad? Who's that?” Oh no. He feels nauseous. Qingheng-Jun has a complete blank stare, Oh fuck no.

“Excuse me, who are you?” Wei Wuxian then asks, that man looks annoyed at that.

“Oh hi, I’m his daughter.” she laughs nervously,

“His daughter?” he repeats dumbly

“Um, yeah? Is there a problem? Doctor? Are you the one who’s doing the surgery?” she asks

“I'm sorry, your father,” he looks pointedly at that scum. “He never mentioned having more family over?”

“Oh” she looks even more confused.

“Well I can't understand why, it was really hard to find him, I can tell you that! Like he gets up one day and leaves the house and we have spent all week trying to find him, he’s too cryptid! We only find out it’s because he had a donor because the insurance called for some paperwork” she laughs nervously, just like them,

“I flew first thing in the morning, but I’m rambling! My bad! My name is Yun Zhang,” she’s smiling now, she looks just like Lan Xichen, which is unnerving, she looks older than him too, which, yeah, this is definitely not good.

“I’m uh, Doctor Wei Wuxian” he says on autopilot,

“Oh doctor! I can’t thank you enough of how much this means to us! We were scared for a little bit because he’s older, but I’m so happy it’s finally happening. May I ask who the donor is? Or is it something anonymous?” she’s so nice, and so chatty too.

“Well. Who will that be, Qingheng-Jun? Do I tell her or are you?” the man evades his eyes. Fucking coward.

Yun Zhang turns confusedly at both of them, her smile gone.

“Dad?” she sounds unsure.

“Fuqin?” a fourth voice interrupts, Wei Wuxian freezes, fuck. Shit. Fuck.

“Lan Zhan” tries to block him out of the way.

It happens quickly, Lan Wangji is too smart, he looks at both of them, a woman who called his father, dad too, a splitting image of him and Lan Xichen, the way Qingheng-Jun refuses to say a word. Yun Zhang has a shocking expression too. and looks at Wei Wuxian helplessly.

“What’s going on Wei Ying?” His husband’s eyes are already glassy.

“It seems we all have been deceived” it’s all he can offer.

“Lan?” Yun Zhang looks dejected, but not surprised. Huh.

“What the hell did you do?” She directs that question to Qingheng-Jun. He refuses to speak. Or even look at them, brilliant.

“It seems to me that we need to talk,” Wei Wuxian interrupts, “I don’t mean to insult you Yun Zhang but if this asshole won’t utter a word, we must,” Yun Zhang turns to wait for her dad to say something, when he doesn’t she looks even more hurt but decides to follow them through Wei Wuxian’s office.

“Do you want to come inside baobei?” he won’t force his husband and when he denies he calls up Mo Xuanyu.

“Call my mother and tell her to meet us here, do not, please let him out of sight.” Mo Xuanyu agrees, he looks like a scared chicken Oh well.

When it is just both of them he looks at her, she could blend in perfectly, there’s no denying it, there’s no point, when genetics as theirs are strong. This is a bizarre nightmare.

“There's no easy way to say this, but the man you saw is Lan Wangji, and he’s also your father’s kid,”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, you don’t seem surprised?” Wei Wuxian hates to question people, but this is important.

“I'm afraid not. When I was little my parents…. they had problems, they split for a few years… we didn’t see him until way later, and they worked though it. They don’t talk about it and we never ask.” she’s mumbling by the end, her ears scarlet red, interesting.

“I'm sorry… we?” Oh no.

“There’s three of us.” Yun Zhang whispers softly. “Oh god I have to call them, how in the hell am I going to tell them about this?”

“How,” he hates to ask, “How old?”

“I’m the middle child, I’m 40, oldest is 43, youngest is 37” she says softly

“Oh” it’s Wei Wuxian’s turn to gasp.

“My husband has a brother…” this just keeps getting worse huh, “Lan Xichen, aged 37.”

“Shit.” Yun Zhang looks like she’s about to scream, this is incredibly unbelievable. “How old is he- um your husband?”

“33” She already did the math because she doesn’t ask more.

“He's my baby brother?” there’s a little wonder there, she seems lovely, a nice woman, but he can’t let this happen.

“It appears so,” silence settles over them, but trying to digest everything.

“Can I ask why you are not a Lan?”  Wei Wuxian is not sure if it's appropriate but he needs to distract himself.

“My mom’s family doesn't have men in her generation, my parents wanted to honor my grandfather.

“Ah I'm sorry it’s none of my business.”

Yun Zhang laughs delightedly. “I don't care at the moment to be honest with you.”

“I’m just, I’m sorry, I have to ask, How did he even do that? How did he get away with something as heinous as this?” Wei Wuxian doesn’t know if she’s really asking or is more like an open thought.

“Well he offered to pay for everything himself, so basically my hospital won’t do much digging, he also didn’t listed any of you on his record, or at least the record he gave to me and my team”

“Right. He knew who he wanted” Yun Zhang looks disgusted. “Why did your husband agree to do this, if they haven’t talked in a long time?”

“Well, he was convinced he needed the help, that he was his last chance, your father seems to have a sweet tongue”  Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to sound mean, but he really doesn’t owe her anything, he’s doing this only as a courtesy.

“Fucking asshole” Wei Wuxian is impressed. “How dare he? He refused for any of us to even do the test, can you believe it? But he has no problem coming all the way here and asking him? He’s so young!”

Damn, he’s a fucking asshole huh, tt’s cartoonishly evil and yet, it’s not surprising to Wei Wuxian.

“Please let him know he doesn’t have to go through it now.” Yun Zhang pleads

“Oh don’t worry, he won’t.” And if he has anything to say in this hospital no one will.

“But I'm sorry, for what it means to you and your family” Wei Wuxian offers, she sighs, "I think he deserves it now does he… how long does he have left?”

“A few weeks, maybe.” The fucker at least wasn’t lying with the state of his health.

“Okay.” She accepts it. “Tell him that I'm sorry…”

“I will.” Yun Zhang hesitates for a second,

“Do you think I can see him? Or talk to him, here have my number" she tries to give him a piece of paper and Wei Wuxian would be fascinated in the way their voices sound similar if he wasn't busy stepping to the side.

“I'm sorry, no, I don't think that's going to happen any time soon, or at all, this, this hasn't - we don't- it's not necessary" he tries to explain Yun Zhang looks so lost.

“Okay, yeah, I, I understand,"

"You're a good husband Wei Wuxian"

“I try to. Please take care of yourself and don't take it personal, but I hope I don't hear much from you or your family for a while.” She laughs

“That’s fair. I’m sorry."

He steps outside and tries to find Mo Xuanyu, he finds him first, “He was faster than me. I'm sorry!”

“Where is he?”

“Back to the room!”

He doesn’t catch all the conversation. But he doesn’t care, he interrupts all the same, he goes straight for his husband and holds him

“Baby, are you alright?” Lan Wangji has tears in his eyes. He looks so lost.

“I was just saying goodbye” Wei Wuxian turns around to finally look at Qingheng-Jun, he’s stoic as always, not a single emotion across his face.

“There will always be a part of me who's going to try to reach for you" his voice wavers, Wei Wuxian holds him tighter

“But I don't need you," his eyes are moist

“I'm sorry it took this for me to understand that." Lan Wangji makes his way out of the room, Wei Wuxian can only hold his shivering body, Qingheng-Jun looks unimpressed. Wei Wuxian can’t say anything, this is not his father, this is not his battle to have.  

“I don't owe you anything, I never have, I hope the rest of your life goes well. goodbye Fuqin"

Qingheng-Jun scoffs loudly, he looks so annoyed, he looks so pathetic, that’s what he is and what he will always be, a pathetic angry man, and with that new image printed in his brain, Wei Wuxian lets him go too.

As soon as they’re out of the room a panicked nurse calls him over, and reality comes crashing over him in an instant. Right, work.

“Baby, I need to go, okay, mom’s on her way, you have to stay in my office alright?” Lan Wangji doesn’t even seem to listen to him but Wei Wuxian can’t do more, he kisses him and leaves not after signaling for Mo Xuanyu who runs after Lan Wangji.

He forced himself to get back to work, patients and his team don't deserve he fails because of that man. Crisis over and a few check in with all of his residents, he’s finally back to find his office completely empty and a lot of dread in his stomach.

“Is he not here anymore??” He asks Mo Xuanyu, the poor kid looks terrified,

“He was a little out of it, I put him in your office! But I had some paperwork to fill and when I was back he wasn’t here anymore. I should have called you right? I’m sorry Doctor Wei”

“Don’t worry kid, this is too much for you” he smiles, reassuring Mo Xuanyu as much as he can right now.

“I already let base know I will be unavailable for today and maybe tomorrow, okay?” Mo Xuanyu nods scared “You’re not in trouble, you did me a solid today and I appreciate it? You’re a good kid.”

“Your husband doesn’t deserve what happened to him,” Mo Xuanyu offers.

“No, he doesn't, and that’s why I need to be with him, okay?” Mo Xuanyu nods, “alright get your group together, I’ll see you in a few days I trust you” he walks

away.

“Don’t worry, Doctor Wei! I’ll make sure to pull all the paperwork!”  he says as he tries to catch him up

“I’ll appreciate that, thank you”

“So um what do I do with the patient?” Wei Wuxian stops,

“Tell him he no longer has a living donor, and send him home, I don’t really care,”

Mo Xuanyu salutes him, he looks determined. Yeah, he has a favorite.

He calls his mother first, she apologizes deeply, she was at the flower shop and didn't hear her phone ring, she also promises to look for Lan Wangji as soon as she’s free.

He decides to try Lan Qiren first. Then he’ll try Mianmian, the flower shop and then maybe the library? It doesn’t matter how long he takes; he’s going to find his husband.

He’ll make use of this free time to get everyone updated, so he does, he calls his mother and then sends a very panicked voice memo to the group chat, he needs to vent. Finally he calls the number he’s dreading the most.

“Good morning, Wei Wuxian” Lan Xichen answers in the second ring.

“Is everything set already? Wangji mentioned he was going to sign the final things today?” Wei Wuxian can’t help but laugh cruelly

“Yeah, I’m afraid that’s not going to happen anymore.”

“What did he said to him” Lan Xichen asks soberly, right he has more experience with that piece of shit that they do,

“The asshole couldn’t say shit” Wei Wuxian is not someone who is used to cursing in front of Lan Wangji’s family, but he can’t be damned to care right now.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that when I went to look for Lan Zhan for lunch, I found a woman instead, a woman who has the same eyes and smile as you, Lans, seem to share, her name is Yun Zhang and she’s just older sister, ah you have three older sisters. He didn’t utter a word. So, we had to ask her.” He says.

“Yun Zhang?” Lan Xichen asks confusedly “But how?”

“Ah yes I asked about it, don’t worry she didn’t seem to hold back any family secrets anymore.”

“And how are you sure she is?” Lan Xichen doesn’t finish

“Yeah. She showed me some photos, but honestly you two could pass as twins, it's eerie.”

“Oh” Lan Xichen doesn’t add anything else.

“You know what’s funny? She didn’t even seem all that surprised, it’s like she already knew she just wasn’t looking for the truth, can you believe that?”

Lan Xichen doesn’t say anything, but his silence is answer enough. It takes him a second to get it.

“Oh wow, you knew?” Wei Wuxian spats, fury running in his veins.

“Wuxian, ah” there’s hesitance in his voice, “It’s not like I knew exactly what was going on, but you have to remember, I was in that house for a little longer than Wangji,” he sounds very far away, as if his mind is pulling him somewhere else. “I have more time to understand it and now all doubts have been answered, I’m not naïve,” he sighs sadly. “And we tried, Mama and I, we…” he clears his voice twice

“We just wanted Wangji to live better than that, we didn’t even talk about it, but sometimes you just know. It just happened and I never said anything since I didn’t think it was worth it to bring his ghost back.”

“I don’t know ge, he didn’t deserve to find out like this. He didn’t deserve to go through any of this”

“I’m very aware of that,” Lan Xichen replies defeatedly, “I wish I could explain it better, but I can’t, and I’m not entirely sure I want to… it’s complicated.”

“Aright.”  Wei Wuxian sedes.

“Alright.” Lan Xichen accepts.

The line goes silent for a second, Wei Wuxian’s migraine is getting worse.

“How is he?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know where he is, I’m going to your Uncle’s place to try my luck” there’s hesitance in his voice but Wei Wuxian can’t admit defeat just yet.

“I’m sorry” offers Lan Xichen.

“Me too”

“Could you….” Wei Wuxian is going to feel like an asshole for this “Could you give us some space? I just don’t think it will be thrilling for Lan Zhan to know all of this; he carries enough guilt.” He knows he’s being unfair and honestly selfish, but he can’t stand to pile more shit onto his husband's plate, and he also knows that Lan Xichen can be very… nonchalant about… well… everything.

“I can do that, yes” Lan Xichen replies a minute later, his voice back to normal.

“Thanks, ge” he hangs up, Lan Qiren’s building almost in front. He parks and takes a deep breath, and if he screams into the blankets Lan Wangji has in his seat, no one has to know.

He knocks three times and counts until five or he’ll start screaming Lan Wangji’s name.

“Wei Wuxian?” Lan Qiren is in his ‘casual’ attire, so he hasn’t gone out today.

“Hi Uncle, I was wondering if Wangji was here with you?”

Lan Qiren looks confused. “No, we didn’t have any plans this week.”

“Ah yes, yes.”

“Wei Wuxian, what is happening? Did you two have a fight? It is not correct to run away from each other in moments like these.”

“Aiya Uncle, it’s not like that.” He looks at him sheepishly, well it seems today he will be the bearer of bad news, he told the story twice already, one more can’t hurt.

“You might want to sit for this Uncle.” And he tells the story, it’s a more condensed story and without swearing this time. Lan Qiren’s face doesn’t change all throughout the story, his eyes only twitch once, when he mentions Yun Zhang’s name.

Right. So that’s a known reaction.

“Uncle? You don’t seem surprised” he doesn’t want to hear it

“Because I’m not.” Lan Qiren replies.

“Oh, you knew as well?” Lan Qiren makes a question with his eyes and Wei Wuxian explains what Lan Xichen just told him. He doesn’t say anything, but he looks pensive.

“It does explain a lot.” he offers tiredly.

“Oh, wow, were we the only idiots who didn’t know???” he asks, exasperated.

“WEI WUXIAN! Control yourself!”

“Yeah… sorry uncle… I’m kinda going crazy here.”

Lan Qiren sighs and rubs his temple. “You know me and my brother grew very apart, we went into international boarding schools as soon as we were out of age, I barely knew him, but-” he rubs harder leaving a red spot in his forehead.

“I heard of another woman, barely, and not from him. It was from a grand aunt, I never asked more, and I never learned more, by the time my nephews were introduced to me, he was already gone, it was Lu Yin who found me first”

There’s a little melancholy in those eyes, there always is, when they speak about her, to be honest, Wei Wuxian can’t seem to recall them having a strong relationship or a relationship at all, but what does he know about the Lans, next to nothing it seems.

“I tried to ask about it once, but he just told me to mind my business as he would mind his and I’m ashamed to say, it was easier for me to, so I let him. By the time Mama Lan was gone I lost what little contact I had with him,”

“We just never talked about it,” Lan Qiren concludes.

“Yeah, I’m starting to realize it truly runs in the family” Wei Wuxian snorts

Lan Qiren makes a face at that, and Wei Wuxian can’t help but smile a little.

“Sorry Uncle, I know, this is none of my business, but, ah, you didn’t see Lan Zhan’s face, he looked so excited about having his dad back, but his face, it’s like he lost him all over again.” Wei Wuxian wipes a tear that managed to escape containment. This is not about him.

“He never deserved them” Lan Qiren interrupts. “He doesn’t deserve them. Some people aren’t meant to be parents” he hums, he looks so sad.

“Hey, no Uncle, this isn’t your fault either, you did what you had to do,” he takes Lan Qiren’s shoulder and it’s a statement of how in his feelings he is since he doesn’t try to turn away.

“Your brother’s mistakes are his, and only his,” he squeezes a little “how many regrets we have about it still not our fault he chose to do what he did, no one forced him” Lan Qiren nods slowly.

“We know what you have done for this family too, Lan Zhan knows it and he lovs you so much Uncle,” Lan Qiren gasps at that “he knows that you could’ve said no, to never show up, turn a blind eye, hell all the Lans did, but you didn’t and you did what you could with what little you had and you did it because of love, Lan Zhan knows, we know, you’re family, you’re his family, okay?”

Lan Qiren doesn’t say anything for a moment. He just closes his eyes and Wei Wuxian turns in time to not see him clean his eyes.

“Where is Wangji?” he wonders, proper as usual, the moment already lost between them.  Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath.

“I’m not sure. It all happened so quickly, we were in the hospital, we were about to sign the final papers and then she just came in and I had to understand what was going on I asked one of my interns to call my mom, then he was back in the room and I got called in so I had to check on some of my patients and let my bosses know I needed to leave but by the time I sort through the mess he was gone.”

“I see.” Lan Qiren twists his mouth in disdain.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left his side.” He says, shame filling him.

“Not your fault,” Lan Qiren says, surprisingly sincere. “You have a responsibility not only with your husband, but your job too, one mustn’t be careless.”

“Wangji is strong, he has gone through much more heavy storms” Lan Qiren says with conviction, and pride, “We have to trust him too.”

“I do, Uncle”  Lan Qiren looks at him for a second too long, his piercing eyes, he can see the similarities with that man, but where Qianghang-Jun is all severe lines, Lan Qiren holds some softer in there.

“Have you had time to eat anything?” Wei Wuxian shakes his head with a smile, Lan Qiren scoffs “Of course, let me make you something”

It’s after a delicious but a little bland fried rice that he gets the call.

“Hey baobei, I found Wangji in the park in front of the house, he was sitting next to the little fountain we like to sit on. I got him, but he doesn’t look too good. I don’t want to worry you, but you need to come back soon.”

The worry that was settled in his bones is back for another reason completely.  He’s scared for his husband, for what he is going to find once he is with him.

The house is silent. The more he ventures into it he can hear Cangse Sanren soft whispers in their bathroom, he knocks twice and finds them both coiled next to the toilet, Cangse Sanren softly rubbing Lan Wangji’s back, who looks sickly pale.

“I'm sorry my baby, but you have to drink something, to settle your stomach or else you’ll just keep throwing off” Cangse Sanren looks at him with panic in his eyes.

“I can't" mumbles Lan Wangji

“I know, I know it’s hard”

Wei Wuxian sits next to them, is a tight fit, but he doesn’t have a choice, his knees will complain later.

“Hey my love, I’m here” softly oh so softly he takes Lan Wangji’s weight of the toilet next to him.

Lan Wangji collapses right into his arms, he’s shaking a little, his heart breaks again like it has been for the whole day. It has never been easy seeing him hurt, memories flash of him in the worst days back in the day, and the anxiety is back taking place in his throat.

“Would you mind if I take you to bed so you can rest?” Lan Wangji nods and he huffs as Wei Wuxian takes him back to bed.

It doesn’t take even a full minute for Lan Wangji to fall asleep. Wei Wuxian goes to check on Cangse Sanren.

“Are you okay ma?” He can see how shaken she is too, she’s hugging a pillow in her room, they don’t have to say it but both are thinking about the bad days too.

“I’m sorry baobei, I offered him some tea, he took a sip and then ran to the bathroom"

"Was it a loose leaf?"

“I think so, yes" Well that would explain it, slimy textures are hard enough on Lan Wangji, right now it would be so much worse.

“Don't worry about it, it’s just a stressful situation for all of us, you did your best ma" he hugs his mother tight.

“Yeah, I'm still sorry, I hate seeing him like that, I hate that jerk!"

“Me too ma, me too. You’re going to be alright if I go back to him, I want to be there when he wakes up”

“Yes, of course, don’t worry about me, go, go”

He’s been napping next to his husband when Lan Wangji wakes up abruptly.

“Wei Ying, I’m sorry”

“What for?” Wei Wuxian replies softly, he doesn’t want to bother him, he looks half asleep too

“You’re going to judge me, you must hate me” Lan Wangji is trying to stand up, he fails and his face mushes against their pillows.

"I would never judge you or hate you"

“I love you.” He tales Bunbun and makes the thing caress softly through Lan Wangji hair, his husband sighs and closes his eyes.

"You should judge me" Lan Wangji whispers defeated, “How come I'm thirty and a father that I never knew still makes me feel like a kid, confused and mad"

“Because you’re a human baby, and because he failed you" Bunbun hugs him.

“And hey! We can finally go to couples therapy, and roleplay that Ms. and Mr. Smith thing you got going on on your wishlist for years.” Lan Wangji snorts, which is such a random sound coming out of him but still is one of Wei Wuxian's favorite

“I love you, so fucking much Wei Wuxian" Lan Wangji tries to stand up again.

“Shhh, It’s okay, you should rest again” And let Bubun lull him back to sleep.

It’s maybe a few hours later when Lan Wangji’s voice wakes him up again.

“I have three older sisters.” Lan Wangji’s voice is void of any emotion.

“You do” Wei Wuxian rubs sleep out of his eyes, what time is it? It doesn’t matter.

“They didn’t knew about me?”

“Not about you specifically, but Yun Zhang mentioned a gap without him,” he doesn’t offer more. Lan Wangji doesn’t ask.

“Do you-" he starts, he doesn't want to pry it but he also has never been able to stop himself to find an answer “Do you think your mother knew? About them?"

His tongue gets stuck to his paladar, the memory of Lu Yin refusing to get tainted by something like that, the mere thought too complicated for him to form the idea.

“She had to" Lan Wangji cuts him off, “Lan Xichen and I had an important gap, he left and came back”

“And then they had you" Wei Wuxian finishes for him, holding Lan Zhan's hand, it's so cold, it usually always is, but the way it feels right now it could freeze Wei Wuxian too “How did you find out about their ages? I didn’t tell you that”

“Asked Wen Ning if he could dig out their medical record, said they were cousins" Lan Wangji says dismissively, it's completely illegal, yes, could it get him in trouble? Also yes, but none of that matters because Lan Wangji deserves this, he deserves whatever he needs still he asks

“Did it help?”

“I'm-” Lan Wangji slumps a little “I don't know if I can answer that right now"

“You don’t have to baby, we don’t have to talk about it anymore”

“I just can’t believe something like this happened, you know” Lan Wangji sounds so miserable.

“He never wanted me, he never… I was a liability for him, and he left us. and then he came back, he asked me, and I was going to... because… I wanted him to want him as much as I hoped for…. he had a whole family, we were the second…. he came back” Lan Wangji babbles.

“Let it go, I got you, I got you”  Wei Wuxian whispers.

Lan Wangji cries and cries, his body is shaking with the force of it, he doesn’t know for how long they stay like that, but when his legs start to feel numb

Wei Wuxian hugs him then, with all the strength he has, kisses his hair, kisses anywhere he can reach.

“Baby, look at me, please look at me?”

“You’re okay now, everything is okay now, I got you, baby, I got you.”

Lan Wangji tries to move, when he fails, he then bites him hard enough it’s a surprise it doesn’t draw blood. Wei Wuxian hisses.

“Make me forget” he sobs between tears. The refusal is at the tip of his tongue, but Lan Wangji’s eyes find him first, they’re so clear.

“Wei Ying, please I don’t want to think anymore, I need you…”

“Please… make me…” he goes for a kiss.

And what can Wei Wuxian do but comply. It’s not ideal, maybe not even healthy, but there’s a priority when it comes to Lan Wangji and what he asks for him, it’s something they have done in the past, when one or both had had a one of those gray days, they have talked about it in length after, have even talked to a sex therapist about it once. But he trusts his husband and he knows he will never hurt him too.

It’s animalistic. It’s pure raw emotion. Even if in their good days Wei Wuxian would find it extremely juvenile to call it fucking, that’s what they do now.

He shoves and tears and pushes hard, he doesn’t let Lan Wangji to touch him, and when his stubborn husband tries again he softly slaps him across the face, Lan Wangji’s eyes start to shine for that, he begs and grinds and cries some more, Wei Wuxian opens him up with two fingers at once, fueled by the begging and he’s letting only a fraction of his frustration pour into the reverence he has for this body, the body he knows exactly how to drive over the edge, he has Lan Wangji on his stomach, his moans are being contained by the pillows and sometimes by the way Wei Wuxian clenches his hand in that pretty neck, the wails driving him insane.

“You make me crazy” he whispers into an ear he bites.

He fucks himself into Lan Wangji’s puffy hole until Lan Wangji comes twice, only then he allows to come too, all over that back that now is sporting soft red marks from his teeth and his hands, he guesses that by tomorrow should look purple. At once, he gathers all of his come into his mouth and kisses Lan Wangji with it, making him swallow it all, Lan Wangji gifts him another petty orgasm for that, his legs are shaking and Wei Wuxian wonders if he can make him come one last time, after he finish licking him clean, Lan Wangji is shaking even more, his face is full of sweat, tears and snoot, and it’s the most beautiful face he has ever seen, he gets lost into that imagine, he takes a mental picture for later.

“Hold me please” Lan Wangji babbles, and Wei Wuxian drops the rest of his plan to do just that. He lets some more minutes pass like that and once he’s sure Lan Wangji is more aware of everything he gets them clean, fed and hydrated.

It takes a little bit longer than usual since this wasn’t planned at all. The sheets are a lost cause, their pajamas too, so he makes quick work of changing everything even when Lan Wangji refuses to move. When he’s done, he spoons his husband, scattering soft kisses all over his hair. The silence settles between them one more time.

“What I’m more pissed about is that this has been very hurtful for both of us” Lan Wangji whispers, Wei Wuxian tries not to jump at the sound of his husband's voice, he was already drifting off, he’s holding Wei Wuxian’s left hand in between his own, particularly centered in his ring finger.

“I’m so sorry Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji says softly, he holds him tight.

“I was very hurtful to you” he continues, Wei Wuxian wants to interrupt, but he knows his husband well enough to know this is it, and if they actually plan on moving on, it’s not a good idea to do so.

“I let this hurt me, and with that pain I allowed myself to hurt you too.” he sighs,

“I’m sorry for what I allowed this to become.”  

“I’m sorry that I pushed you away. I’m sorry for what this did to all of us as a family, I’m sorry it wasn’t even worth it,”  his hands are shaking a little but he doesn't let him go,

“But thank you, for never letting me go, for always choosing me, for always loving me, even when not even I can do that for myself, I have you.”

“Thank you for letting me apologize even if you don’t feel like it’s necessary, but most of all, my love, I thank you for letting me do the same for you.” Lan Wangji kissed his ring finger very, very softly.

“I love you so much Wei Ying, I always have and I always will.” The end declaration feels heavy in their bed and Wei Wuxian accepts it, absorbs it.

He can’t do much else but turn Lan Wangji over and kiss him hard, it doesn’t have the same drive as before, because both of them are exhausted, but he pours what’s left in it either way.

“I love you too, Lan Zhan, so much. I don’t want to lie to you, it did hurt, all of it and I’m sure we will have to rebuild some of our foundations that were always shaky to begin with” he smiles a little, Lan Wangji pecks him for it.

“But everything’s okay, we will be okay, we will work this out too, like we always have.”

“Mn. Like we always have” Lan Wangji replies, he snuzzles closer to him, and they both let the rest of the night wash away into their embrace.

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TWO MONTHS LATER

It’s winter when he gets the email.

He almost misses it completely, if it wasn’t because he was trying to find a specific email from an animal shelter, Lan Wangji and Cangse Sanren had signed up to be volunteers to take care of cats, mostly elders who spend their last days in frankly outrageous amount of pamper, they have had three guests so far, and when the vet finally announced it was time to let it go, Wei Wuxian had cried and thought how much of a bad idea this was, but Lan Wangji had faced it all, with a smile on his face and a pointed determination Wei Wuxian hasn’t seen since his mom’s rehab. Yes the fur can be a little annoying, and yes if he has to spend another free day figuring how to do a catio that goes through their window he might go insane, but he can’t deny that it has been healing for them to do so, it’s how much work, and how regarding it is to see these creatures transform into little balls of love that has been… revitalizing, a form of love in the purest form.

He’s trying to find the new batch of requests for adoption when he reads the name. Yun Zhang. The message is short, just a quick hello and attached it’s the invitation of Qingheng-Jun’s funeral service and a phone number.

It doesn’t come as much of a shock as he thought it would, there’s not much emotional reaction for him to go through either.  That’s something exclusively reserved for his therapy sessions. His therapist has been preparing him for this, not for him obviously, but for what it would mean to Lan Wangji.

So he calls Lan Xichen first. It was a little baffling to hear that Lan Xichen had accepted the request of having contact with their sisters, but he appreciated that Lan Xichen was clear with his wishes to do so with his brother.

Lan Wangji had accepted it without much fanfare, just asked to not be talked to or being talked about to each other. Lan Xichen had made a disapproving sound but held himself from what he had in mind and just agreed, all in all, it could have been worse.

The phone rings twice before he picks up. “Good morning Wei Wuxian” he says softly.

“Very good night to you brother in law” Wei Wuxian singsongs, Lan Xichen is in a hole continent for a few weeks, closing up a big deal, he promised to bring back a hand knitted cat hammock Lan Wangji found in a boutique, his husband put it on their calendar.

“It’s safe to assume you got the invitation, then” Lan Xichen carefully asks, it’s not like it’s been a taboo topic between them, but it’s one of those things Wei Wuxian has have to work to not resent Lan Xichen and his ability of moving on or running away, from issues quickly versus the long and careful road Lan Wangji takes to dismantle his pain and how that makes his husband feel lacking sometimes. It’s no one's fault, really.  

“Yep” he’s eyeing the invitation, it’s classy, but somehow impersonal, like if someone just took a template to fill his name with, he wonders, not for the first time how much of a mess there was for that family to untangle.

“Are you going?” He asks, even though his brother-in-law is in another continent, even if it would be mostly physically impossible for him to do so, there’s always the possibility he would do it. Wei Wuxian can’t pretend he understands what goes on in that mind.

“You know I can’t” Lan Xichen replies softly, he sounds tired, and Wei Wuxian can’t help to feel a little bad if he sounded as accusatory as he tried not to be.

“But would you want to?” he asks to make up for it.

Lan Xichen sighs louder this time. “I said my         goodbyes to that man a long time ago, Wei Wuxian” If he was in front of him, he could see the slight blush he has.

“The answer is no, I don’t want to nor I particularly care about missing it either.”

“Yeah.. I’m sorry ge”

“No need, I understand why you asked”  there’s a little hesitance in his voice now.

“Do you think he’ll want to?”

“No.” Wei Wuxian replies quickly, “Well I would think no, but he’s been working with his therapist about the guilt… so maybe?”

“Ah, well, do you want me to call him?” Lan Xichen has called Lan Wangji more these past few months, he tries at least once a day, his husband tries to pretend he’s indifferent to it, but on the days it doesn’t happen, he’s pouty.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it, we’re having lunch later, which, I should probably go back to work if I want that to happen.”

Lan Xichen laughs. “Right, I’ll talk to my uncle, although I assume he received the same email as us, but let me know how it goes, talk to you soon, okay?”

They hung up, he texts his mom and adds the email to his spam inbox, he saves the number.  

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They have lunch in their favorite café near the hospital. It’s a cozy space, Korean style, their coffee is strong and their baked goods are to die for, Lan Wangji loves their strawberry latte.

“Hey babe?” Wei Wuxian starts once they have finished eating and are waiting for their shared dessert. Even though he knows Lan Wangji will eat it all and pretend not to notice.

“Mn” Lan Wangji is concentrating on inspecting the bottom of his latte, in case he can find any traces of unblended strawberry.

“Look at me please?” he holds his hands, and Lan Wangji does the same.

“Yun Zheng contacted me.” he feels Lan Wangji shock through his body, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Qingheng-Jun passed away today, very early morning. They're holding a service tomorrow afternoon, if you want, we can go. It will be a tight fit with the train times and all, but we can make it work.” he squeezes his hands, rubs them softly Lan Wangji doesn’t react for a moment.

The waitress arrives and leaves their dessert on their table, she doesn’t try to make conversation like it has happened throughout their little date. Wei Wuxian will tip her well.

“What if I don’t want to go?” Finally Lan Wangji says, he turns to look at him straight in the eyes, he doesn’t look affected, but there’s a little of uncertainty there too.

“Then, we don’t. You don’t own him or anyone nothing.” he gives a quick kiss to his hands.

Lan Wangji is silent once again. He looks down to the dessert, takes a quick bite, chews methodically, “Mn.” It’s all he offers.

“Great!, then how about this, I’ll finish my shift a little early and we can have breakfast and maybe spend the day in bed? I can ask Ma to make us scallion pancakes with that sauce you like so much? Hmm? what do you say?”

Lan Wangji returns the kiss in his hand. “You can get us those fancy salted caramel popcorns from downtown?”  there’s a little smile on his lips, because he knows that Wei Wuxian can’t say no to that extra 25 minutes drive he’ll have to do tomorrow. Brat.

“Mmhhh, well yes, I will, sir” Lan Wangji smiles fully and resumes his eating.

His shift goes on quickly. He has three back to back surgeries, one emergency appendicitis he lets his third year to take over, and one trauma shoulder assistance to Wen Qing that was as usual extremely cool, he hasn’t been able to check his phone, trusting everything is okay. Then by the time he’s able to make a run for it, he forgets about the popcorn all together.

“Honey I’m home!” he says obnoxiously loud. His mom is drinking her morning tea cuddling their newest adoption, a frankly ugly little ball of black and gray fur. it’s an 8 year old cat who had cancer on one of her legs and now has a little limp and that’s why it was abandoned at the shelter. Her name is Gregory House, because of the leg and the very grumpy humor she can have. Wei Wuxian thinks it’s a little too on the nose, his mother however laughed about it for a day straight, Lan Wangji says it’s kinda cute. So he lost that one.

“Oh hi baobei! How was your day?”

“Like most of my days ma, I actually can’t wait to faceplant on the bed, did Lan Zhan wake up already?”

His mom looks confused for a second.

“Oh no, I haven’t seen him at all this morning, do you think he is finally processing all of it?” she asks carefully, she was as neutral as him about the news, even though he could feel Cangse Sanren wanting to cheer to the heavens. She promised she wouldn’t mention anything about it.

“Maybe, I’ll go check on him,” he moves to the room with caution.

Lan Wangji is not in bed. Cangse Sanren, who has been following him, looks at him with a little fear in her eyes.

“Oh.” It’s the only thing she can offer. “Baobei I’m sorry, I should’ve been more aware of him, he looked good, we watched some movies, he read to me while we dried his hair, he looked fine I-”

“Shhh, this is not your fault mom, it’s okay, wait let me see if I can call him.”

As his phone lits on, he reads the notifications, a simple text from Lan Wangji, informing him he’s going to spend the early morning with Lan Qiren to wait for him for lunch and another text from Lan Qiren, it has a link to their location, and he clicks it quickly.

“Ma? I found him, everything is okay, but do you want to go somewhere with me?”

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They arrived at the mortuary an hour later, they had to go for some flowers, some perfume and the organic incense that doesn’t make Cangse Sanren’s eyes water. It’s cold and a little foggy so there’s very few people today.

The place they’re looking for is in the far east, stuck in the middle of some stairs and a hall for bigger tombs.

It’s a tight squeeze, but Lan Wangji is kneeled in front of his mother's grave. Lan Qiren is standing holding an umbrella for his nephew. He has the bag with their cleaning supplies hanging on his shoulder.

He’s the first one to look at their noise, and there’s a grateful look in his eyes, it will never surprise him how grateful Lan Qiren looks at him sometimes.

“Welcome.” Lan Qiren looks tired. Lan Xichen informed him he wasn’t going either. He can’t pretend he knows what the old man has been going through, his mom and him had shared very late night tea sessions and according to Lan Wangji he’s also having therapy sessions which left him a little speechless.

But he still lost a brother.

His only brother, who happens to have a whole other family. One Lan Qiren didn’t know anything about it.

Cange Sanren hugs him. Lingers for a bit longer and Lan Qiren allows it, then she makes quick work of arranging the newer flowers, the incense and the bottle of perfume.

“How are you?” Wei Wuxian asks him quietly, letting his mom hold Lan Wangji.

“Life never stops, Wei Wuxian. He made his choices, but he was still the only person I grew up with.” he sounds dejected, but his eyes are firm, he looks down to Lan Wangji.

“I can only thank him for what he gifted me.” he doesn’t offer more, and Wei Wuxian wouldn't bother him either. He approaches Lan Wangji who looks up at him with a little sad smile.

“Hey my love” Wei Wuxian grabs his cheek. “Were you in the mood to say hello to mama?” he won’t ask about that man, he wouldn’t dare do it here in front of Lu Yin.

“Mn. I miss her.” he says with the time of longing he always has when he speaks of her.

“We all do.” Cangse Sanren replies she’s sitting holding Lan Wangji’s side.

“My dear friend, I hope you’re doing good,” she takes a big gulp of air. “I wanted to thank you for allowing me to take care of your son, when I see him smile all I can think of is you, those dimples are really something else” she giggles, Lan Wangji blushes a little.

“He's my rock, I don’t think I would be in the place I am now if it wasn’t for him,” she bows. “This one promises to repay him by loving him as fiercely as you did.”

Lan Wangji sniffs a little but doesn’t move. Wei Wuxian kisses him on the forehead and straightens himself to bow.

“Mama, I hope you’re doing good. I wanted to thank you for giving me the greatest gift life can concede, love, a love like the one I have. It's only because of you, I miss you.” he bows and lits his own incense.

There’s a solemn silence next, the incense burning away in front of them. Wei Wuxian doesn’t expect them to be more, so he hugs Lan Wangji, he’s freezing, his pale skin a little purple, so Wei Wuxian rubs him to get a little circulation going.

“I wish I could still feel as loved as I did when you hold me.” Lan Wangji says softly.

“I wish I could brush your hair again, that always smelled nice.” Wei Wuxian hugs him tighter.

“But I know you never wanted to leave me, and that you did what you could, I know you were alone, and ashamed and probably very scared. But I felt your love, I still feel it, you must know, that I would be with somebody who can love me as much as you did, that I was taken care of” he kisses Wei Wuxian hand and snuggles closer to Cangse Sanren.

“I’m really happy you are my mom,” he whispers,

“Please greet Wei Changze for us,”  he bows.

“Yeah and you can tell him to beat that loser for me!” snarks Cangse Sanren, Wei Wuxian tries to shush her but Lan Wangji giggles. Like a siren chant, Wei Wuxian can’t help but want to chase down that sound forever.

“We must visit him too, it’s been too long,” Lan Wangji says, standing up slowly.

“Ah, we can do that right now! Right Lan Qiren or are you too old for a little road trip?” Cangse Sanren says with a little glee in her voice.

“My husband will think I’ve been a careless wife! Tsk tsk shame on me!” she starts picking some of the blankets Lan Wangji put on the floor.

“Mn. We must pick winter melon soup. I will check deliveries”.

Lan Qiren scoffs, saying something about nothing being as good as homemade, Cangse Sanren scoffs too, mocking him about how he would know if he doesn’t even cook anything but rice.

Wei Wuxian gets his hands into the pockets of Lan Wangji’s raincoat, trying to get some heat in there. Lan Wangji huffs and pecks him once, they start to walk back to the car, Wei Changze’s burial is back at their family’s space an hour away from where they are, the traffic will be annoying, they haven’t eaten anything and must probably risk snowing. But it’s okay, they’ll figure it out.

Life has always seemed to want to test him. Always tries to take everything he worked to build for himself, sometimes it has been more successful than others, but somehow, as long as he still has Lan Wangji by his side, their future as solid as we had always wished for, he can say confidently, he’s got the perfect life.  

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ 𝜗𝜚 ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

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