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Every morning he woke up cold. Ever since V was gone.
Having a physical form, a body, feels weird now. His time as a construct was eternity, every feeling and every sensation experienced long after the event happened. If V got stabbed then Johnny would feel it as a dull poke the next morning. Now, he could reach out. He could register a cold soda dripping water down his wrist on a hot summer day, he could feel the silky fur of a cat he's bent down to pet under his palms, he could breathe in the fresh air now that he was out of the city. It was odd, to experience sensations after spending years thinking he'd never be able to again. Johnny wonders distantly if V ever got to smell what the air was like outside of Night City. It wouldn't be hard to get that answer, all he has to do is look back and remember. But part of him doesn't want to.
Going through V's memories without the other there is just another constant reminder that they're gone.
The first time Johnny had felt a sensation instantly during his time as a construct was when V punched him. Beat his ass, more accurately. Had Johnny not known any better, he would've thought V meant to kill him right there.
Johnny can't think of anyone who would make the sacrifice that V made. He especially can't think of anyone who would fight so hard just to die. Especially for someone like him.
"Just promise me one thing, asshole," V said. "You won't forget me." And their voice broke off at the end.
Just that emotion alone made Johnny want to turn around more than he already did. He would fight V here for a thousand eternities if he had to just to just to give V the chance to live out their final moments, even if that time was limited. But it was obvious that's not how things were going to play out.
Johnny didn't say anything. He couldn't. Because if he did say something, if he even just looked back he wouldn't be able to go through with it.
Johnny dived off into the abyss.
What an asshole. They said that as if he could ever forget V, like that was an option. He wore V's face, saw it in every reflective surface. His own internal monologue was V's voice, now. He hadn't just taken over the other's body, he had become V. Johnny was V down to his skin, to the wires underneath, to their cyberware, to their very molecular structure. No amount of corpo technology and soul killer chips could ever erase V, because V wasn't the kind of person you just forget. V was everything, everywhere, all at once.
Before he left Night City, he saw a bit of V in that Steve kid. That young, hopefulness he carried. The yearning to be a legend, to be remembered by Night City for years to come. He even had that same, ugly shirt V loved. He wonders how the kid is doing now. Could probably find out by turning on the radio.
The whole situation was ironic, in a way. This whole mess started with Johnny being the one stuck in V's mind, now the tables had been turned.
But it wasn't the same. Because what was stuck in Johnny's mind was what's left of V. The real V, Johnny doesn't have an answer for.
Every morning Johnny woke up afraid, because V was steadily growing weaker, and some mornings it felt like V wasn't there. Johnny can't remember a time he was ever that scared to lose somebody. But then V would wake up, and what coursed through Johnny was relief, then warmth. Warmth that he wasn't alone, warmth that V was alive, warmth accompanied by a small amount of hope, the belief that V would be closer to finding a cure.
The fear would leave a bad taste on V's tongue when they woke up.
"What's got you worked up?" They'd groan, blearily rubbing their eyes.
"It's nothing," johnny would always answer. And they left it at that. Johnny knew that with how much the biochip progressed that V knew what was wrong, too. They never acknowledged it, not until the very last moment when they were given no choice but to.
The warmth of V's presence would be the highlight of Johnny's day. But now his mornings were cold.
If he relived V's memories, that cold would seep into every pore of his body until it froze him to death. No amount of global warming and California heat could relieve the empty cold V left Johnny with. He should get them for that, beat their ass like he did when they first met.
He chuckles to himself, but there isn't much humor to it.
Sometimes, life would be extra cruel to him. Would tie his shoelaces together or steal his lunch money just for the fun of it.
"Johnny," that voice would whisper to him. His dreams were always shrouded in darkness, a lot like how existence on the Net was, just less colors.
A hand would curl up on his chest, over his heart, and he would feel the warmth.
"Johnny," the voice said again, their breath ghosting over his hear.
Then, a weight. Solid enough to be felt but not heavy enough to be real would be at his side, and without realizing his arm would be wrapped around it.
A leg thrown over his own. A contented sigh as they rested their head in the crook of his neck.
"V," Johnny said, it was all he could say.
"Johnny," he heard the smile in their voice.
In his dreams, he would summon up the courage and vulnerability to say things he would never have said before they stormed Arasaka. Things he let V feel through the biochip instead.
"I miss you," Johnny said.
"I know."
"I love you."
"I know," V repeated, and they kissed his jaw. "But you have to wake up."
And the warmth would be ripped from him in an instant. There's nothing he wanted more on these mornings than to drink himself into a stupor and smoke a cheap cigarette, but he gave those up a long time ago. A weak attempt at preserving V's body as long as he can.
Johnny moved out to the porch, letting the sun bear down on him as he stared at the flatlands ahead. He looked to his side and after a moment decided to turn on the portable radio next to him. He recognized the song in an instant.
"A thing of beauty, I know
Will never fade away
What you did to me, I know
Said what you had to say
But a thing of beauty, I know
Will never fade away
And I'll do my duty, I know
Somehow I'll find a way"
Johnny frowned. But ultimately, he let it keep playing.
He looked down to his arm,
Johnny V
And smiled.