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“I can’t fucking believe you’re getting better at this faster than me,” Roy begrudgingly admitted, frowning down at his own pile of roughly chopped vegetables, half the size as Jamie’s.
It had the intended effect, Jamie grinning over at him, one part smug two parts pure delight at being complimented no matter how reluctantly.
“What can I say, I’m just that good. I was a joy to have in class.”
Roy snorted, surreptitiously glancing at Jamie’s knife technique like maybe that could help him improve, as if they hadn’t watched the same tutorials. “Yeah, right. I can confidently say that no one has ever said that about you under any circumstance.”
Jamie didn’t snark back, his chopping pausing long enough that Roy had to look back up at Jamie’s face to check that he hadn’t somehow mortally offended him.
“I don’t know, it seems like you don’t mind me being around.”
Roy thought back to the last six nights in a row of them trying to stumble their way through cooking meals for themselves with their combined net zero kitchen skills. He then thought back to the fact that he could only recall maybe three days in the last month where Jamie wasn’t downright giddily puttering around his fucking house.
Shrugging, Roy shoved three peppers towards Jamie’s cutting board. “Yeah, I guess you’re alright.”
He couldn’t help but peek over again at Jamie’s tiny smile, watching it go lopsided without any of the usual smirkiness, turning into the genuine smile he often tried to hide from everyone except Roy, the one that always made Roy want to fucking smile back, that had a stupid tendency to make his chest feel warm or whatever the fuck.
That’s what he was feeling before it went still with panicked confusion when Jamie was suddenly leaning into Roy’s personal space.
“The fuck are you doing?”
Roy watched in real time as Jamie’s smile dropped and his eyes widened with what looked a lot like real fucking fear before he was twitching backwards, almost making it to the other side of the kitchen, and it was a big fucking kitchen.
“Don’t recognize when you’re being fucked with, old man? You’ve lost your touch.”
Jamie’s voice gave very little away, but Roy knew him too fucking well, and Jamie wouldn’t look at him, keeping his eyes low and occasionally throwing the doorway behind Roy a quick glance. He was fucking freaking out, anxious, and all Roy could do was frown because what the fuck.
“You were in the way of the good cutting board,” Jamie eventually said, finally tilting his head up, chin deviantly raised like he’d talked himself back into his confident self while Roy had yet to do fuck all.
“I own three cutting boards and they’re all identical. We bought them together.”
Jamie scoffed, something easing off his shoulders, like a physical weight Roy could see sliding off of him. “You took the one that has the little groove on the side, where you can rest your knife.”
Roy blinked at him, distracted away from cataloging Jamie’s bizarre reactions. “You mean the nick you fucking carved into it, you absolute fucking animal?”
“Yeah! And you know it’s fucking practical otherwise you wouldn’t have claimed it for yourself the last two days!”
“Maybe I wanted to stop you from fucking hacking at it some more!”
Jamie laughed, the last of the tension evident in his limbs giggling out of him, pushing him forward to close some of the weird distance between them.
“You know I’m just gonna do the same thing to the other two the second you look away.”
“I’d like to see you fucking try.”
For some reason, that seemed to make Jamie falter, something almost sad crossing his face before he was rolling his eyes to cover it up.
Roy didn’t know how to react when he saw Jamie clumsily reach for his phone seconds before announcing that Sam had asked him to pick him up from somewhere. Roy could only raise his eyebrows in disbelief as Jamie really did head for the exit, sleeves tucked over his fists while he stared at Roy nervously like he was checking to see if he’d gotten away with the request for a raincheck, with the lie.
Roy didn’t know how to deal with the hollow ache between his ribs as he stood by and watched Jamie run away from him, something fragile between them that Roy was pretty sure he had just snapped without meaning to.
He had an idea of what had just happened, but- what the fuck?
“I think Jamie just tried to kiss me.” Is how he eased into it before Keeley could even finish her usual phone greeting.
“Right. Wow. Well, I guess he has probably been waiting to do that for a decade, give or take.”
“What.”
That made Keeley pause, background noises fading out like she was stopping whatever she’d been doing before she spoke again. “Roy... Are you serious? This is surprising to you?”
“Yes!” Roy spluttered, free arm kind of flapping outward for no one to witness. “What do you- fucking what?”
“I mean, is it really that much of a stretch? Jamie wanting to give you a big ol’ smooch?”
Roy made a grumbling noise, trying to express how little patience he had for banter right now.
“Okay, we’re feeling dramatic, got it,” Keeley teased before clearing her throat and deepening her voice like that would make it more serious. “Had you really never thought about it? About the two of you, I mean?”
“No! What- I didn’t even know he was- Keeley, what the fuck?”
Keeley was quiet for another moment. “This really isn’t my place to say, and I’ve definitely already broken a couple friendship rules, but- Roy. What happened after Jamie tried to kiss you?”
Roy let himself vaguely acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling in the vicinity of his heart coming back as he remembered the scared look in Jamie’s eyes. Like he was afraid that- jesus.
“He fucking ran away.” He didn’t have it in him to make a joke about it.
“How did you react?” Keeley asked softly, her worry about both of them obvious in her tone, making more of Roy’s confusion dissipate into guilt.
“I asked him what the fuck he was doing,” he admitted, fingers reaching up to rub at his sternum. “He... he flinched away from me. I didn’t- Keeley I didn’t move, or really say anything, but he still- he was still fucking terrified.”
“Yeah, Roy, well, he probably thinks he’s ruined your weirdly special magical friendship with his feelings.”
Roy froze, feeling his heart jump under his hand. Odd. Interesting.
“Are you- So this wasn’t just a fucking whim thing?”
The fact that he was even asking for reassurance that she wasn’t fucking with him meant something, surely, as did the tight grip he now had on both his phone and his own shirt.
Shit.
Fuck.
“Roy. I can’t answer that for him. But it sounds like you’re reaching some conclusions of your very own about your little dates.”
“Keeley, did I want him to kiss me?”
Keeley snorted, it sounded like it’d come from further away like she’d tried to do it away from the mic so Roy wouldn’t hear it.
“Babe. This one I can answer for you: yes. You have for a while.”
“I have?” Roy asked, stupidly, already knowing the fucking answer just based on what his stupid body was doing, where his stupid head was at. The stupid wobble in his stupid voice. Jesus christ.
“Go fucking find him! God, you’re both useless, you’re lucky I love you both so much.”
“Love you, too,” Roy mumbled, pulling his phone away from his ear before he threw in a lame “Bye!” while he was already hanging up.
As an afterthought, he sent Ted a message between putting on his shoes - a gift from Jamie - and his jacket - one he’d bought with Jamie: did you know that I wanted to kiss Jamie?
He got a response right as he reached Ola’s: did you not?
The lack of ‘golly gee’s or ‘shuck’s or any other Tedisms really were a testament to his own fucking idiocy.
Ola’s was closed, but all the lights were on, and the door was unlocked, so Roy went in.
Jamie and Sam were sitting at a table against the furthest wall, nothing seemed out of place except for the comforting hand Sam had on the back of Jamie’s neck as he said things that were making Jamie smile.
Roy wanted to fucking kick himself. Sam was pulling out all the stops to get Jamie laughing and Roy was the reason for that.
Sam spotted him first, eyes far too kind and understanding, smile just as empathetic, like he thought Roy also needed the Sam special.
Sam whispered something to Jamie and Roy tried to pretend he wasn’t holding his fucking breath when Jamie’s head turned towards him, face blank in a way that made it obvious he was trying very hard not to let anything show.
With another unheard exchange of words, Sam stood up and nudged Jamie towards the kitchen before he went to go fuck around with some cutlery or something.
Roy followed Jamie through the swinging doors, finding the kitchen just as empty and bright as the rest of the place.
Jamie kept starting to fidget before making himself go still like three times before Roy broke.
“Jamie.”
Now that Roy was aware of his own fucking feelings, a multitude of them, it seemed pretty fucking obvious that his overwhelming fondness for the little shit also came with a healthy dose of... wanting to fucking kiss him.
Jamie shook his head a bit, mouth opening and closing in an uncharacteristic show of not having any fucking words to say. Roy was truly fucked because he really wanted to hear everything Jamie was thinking.
Roy dared to move a little closer, stomach turning when Jamie tensed up, fingers pausing mid fourth fidgeting attempt. There were no jokes, no quips, no easy grins or showmanship or playing anything off and Roy hated it, so fucking much.
“Jamie, hey, look at me,” Roy started, trying not to make his voice all gentle the way he wanted to because he had a feeling that would just freak Jamie out more. “I spoke to Keeley.”
That was the wrong thing to say. Jamie’s piss-poor effort to keep his face impassive crumbled and he suddenly looked fucking terrified.
“I’m- shit, Roy, I’m sorry- I- I won’t try anything again, yeah? Swear down, you don’t need to-”
“Jamie,” Roy choked out, the ache back and growing behind his breastbone at the thought of Jamie apologizing to him, of Jamie working himself up towards what sounded like begging Roy not to turn his back on him. “Try again.”
Now that was a dumb thing to say because the timing was fucking atrocious and he needed to reassure Jamie not- fuck. But Roy needed a way to get through to him, and confusion was a start.
“What?” Jamie asked, eyebrows furrowing and taking some of the fear away.
“Try again. What you tried to do earlier, try again.”
Jamie"s whole body went taut, anger and what might have been embarrassment flushing over his face as he shoved at Roy’s shoulder.
“Don’t- don’t fucking make fun of me.”
Roy startled. God he was hopeless. He should have asked Keeley to come mediate.
“I’m not, Jamie- listen.” Roy caught Jamie’s hand when it tried to push him away again, his plan was to interlace their fingers or do something equally cheesy but they just kind of ended up flapping at each other.
Huffing, Roy reached down to poke Jamie in the ribs where he knew he was the most ticklish to get just enough of an advantage to grab both of his wrists, holding them up so Jamie would stop trying to slap at his fingers.
“Jamie. I am asking you to try again. I’m not- jesus, I’m telling you I want you to try again. I want you to, okay?”
Roy released Jame’s hands, trying to make his expression do something that could convince Jamie that he was being serious, that he was giving him the option, putting the ball in his cou-
Oh. Jamie was trying again. Jamie was trying again and very much succeeding. Roy barely had time to blink before there were cool palms holding his face and he was being kissed, hard, like Jamie was worried he only had one chance to get it right.
Heart fritzing the fuck out, Roy let himself smile against Jamie’s lips, softly guiding Jamie into a gentler kiss with careful fingers in his hair and an arm around his waist.
Jamie made a tiny noise, a desperately hopeful thing that Roy got to tease out as he coaxed Jamie’s mouth open under his, still keeping his movements slow and reflective that this wasn’t something Jamie could lose from one moment to the next.
Roy hummed, pleased when Jamie followed his lead, when Jamie wrapped his arms around Roy’s shoulders to get him closer, when Jamie allowed himself to be pressed against one of three fridges.
Jamie only breathed out a small sound of discontent when Roy broke the kiss to rest their foreheads together, already panting from some light making-out at best.
“You’re not fucking with me?” Jamie asked, whisper soft between them where they were too close together for Roy to really see him. But he heard the earnestness there anyway, barely hidden, let out for Roy to not be a fucking asshole.
“I’m not. You just took me by surprise, fuck, I took me by surprise. I didn’t know how much I wanted to kiss you until tonight.”
“You mean until Keeley told you?”
Roy grinned, top lip catching on Jamie’s, smile widening when he heard Jamie’s sharp intake of breath.
“I’d’ve gotten there eventually, yeah? I hated seeing you run away from me. Made me all sad and shit.”
Jamie pulled back enough for their eyes to meet, giving Roy the chance to trace his fingers along the signs of his happiness in his dimple, his smile, the lines around his eyes.
Roy felt it when Jamie swallowed, saw it when Jamie looked down at his mouth. “This isn’t new for me. I’m already- there are already some real feelings involved. For me.”
Roy nudged their noses together, like a fucking sap. “I’m not far behind. Will you give me some time to catch up? I want this, I just hadn’t considered it before.”
“What, dick?” Jamie asked like he couldn’t help himself, easy grin still so sweet between Roy’s hands.
“No, us.”
“Because I have one of those, you know. Might cause some issues, going forward.”
Roy rolled his eyes, giving Jamie’s showy pout a quick kiss to see it dissolve into another smile.
“I’m not having a fucking sexuality crisis, shithead. I’ve been in enough locker rooms over the decades to know that sometimes I find guys fit. Why do you think you pissed me off so much when we first met?”
Jamie’s face lit up, body unconsciously moving forward like he needed to be closer to deliver his teasing. “You acted like a dick because you wanted me so, so, bad!”
Roy grunted, knowing it was needed from him to solidify Jamie’s theory. It worked a treat, Jamie giggling as he stretched his arms out before curling them around Roy again, squeezing them together.
“You were such a brat, wanted to put you in your place. Not much has changed there.” From this close, Roy got to hear Jamie’s rushed exhale, feel him shudder before Roy was being kissed again, the languid pace from earlier gone.
“You’re so fucking predictable,” Roy mumbled, barely pausing enough to get the words out and catching Jamie’s laugh between his teeth.
“I think you mean easy, which for you I absolutely am.”
Joke aside, Jamie still went pliant in Roy’s arms, joining along with the tenderness Roy couldn’t help but build in between kisses, knowing damn well he would be fine with whatever Jamie asked of him then and there in a restaurant kitchen. He suddenly wished he’d gotten his shit together earlier so that this could have happened in his own home, with any number of soft surfaces nearby.
Until then, he let his hands find and tighten around Jamie’s waist and swallowed his moan, he let Jamie arch up against him and then detach with a noise of utter despair at having to stop himself.
“Can I take you home?”
Despite everything, Jamie still looked pleasantly shocked at yet another confirmation that Roy was all in, so Roy just promised himself that he would keep saying gooey fucking shit until Jamie believed him wholeheartedly.
“The house doesn’t feel right when you’re not in it. God help me but I really do fucking love having you around.”
“A pleasure to have in class,” Jamie said, his voice too shaky and his eyes too bright to pass it off as anything resembling a joke.
“I’d rather have you in my own kitchen, where I have a normal amount of fridges, and two chopping boards that still need adjustme-”
Jamie jolted forward to kiss him again, fingers gripping at Roy’s shirt like he needed the lifeline, almost making them stumble into one of the ovens.
“Take me home, then,” Jamie whispered against Roy’s mouth, not pulling away from the kiss enough to do anything of the sort.
It was Sam who eventually threw them out, tears in his eyes and smile massive as he told them to go be unhygienic somewhere else.