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Summary:

No matter how much time he spends with Joseph, and no matter how much he can try, he has slowly come to realize,

 

He will never understand him.

Notes:

this is kinda a part 2 of the other fic i wrote in the same series but theres sex and its aesops pov(this can be read alone though!!)

not beta read because its 5am and i wont fall asleep without posting this

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

There Joseph goes again. Aesop sighs to himself as he watches Joseph pick up another bottle off the table. When he's done he’ll demand Aesop gets demanded by him to fetch him more alcohol. As Joseph uncaps the cap, he carelessly spills the red wine over the opening of his blouse, hastily drinking all of the bottles content without a care in the world. As he poured it down some spilt onto his chin, creating a huge mess of himself.

 

It was not just the spilled alcohol all over him that made him look unslighty. The un-tied hair, the way his head was hanging over the chair and the bottles piling up near his feet made him look nothing like the gentleman he was in the day.

 

At first, Aesop thought nothing of it. Joseph would just have a drink here and there to celebrate a day of work, nothing else to it. Only after a while did Aesop notice something was wrong, though nothing would have changed if he saw it earlier.

 

“Ah, I’m out again.” A pout forms on Joseph's mouth. His face looks too cheery. “Could you get me another one?”

 

Aesop debates over telling him no , he could not have more drinks. We have to talk. However, that never ends differently. Joseph would just scoff at him and walk to the kitchen himself to get it. Aesop may be his lover, but someone long gone was more important to Joseph. Aesop can not compete with that person. Especially when Joseph was in this state. If Aesop tried to argue, Joseph would most definitely throw him out without a second thought, then casually greet him the next day. And with Aesop's own past, he has made himself believe he has no place in telling Joseph that how he is coping is unhealthy. Aesop knows too well how Joseph feels about his views on death.

 

Reluctantly he goes, clicking his tongue as he opens the door of Joseph's room to leave. He looks back at him one more time before concluding that there was nothing else he could do but just be there with him. That was better than nothing.

 

No matter how much time he spends with Joseph, and no matter how much he can try, he has slowly come to realize,




He will never understand him.




Of course, Aesop knows the source of his despair. His twin brother passed away while they were young. Besides knowing that they were close, Aesop knows nothing else. Joseph refused to tell him. It confused him how Joseph spent all his days drinking away at night. When day came and he finished his games he would do nothing but fiddle with his camera. Aesop does not tell Joseph that trying to bring the dead back is impossible and wrong. Because again, that is not his place. All he can do is watch helplessly as the man fiddles around with his camera while muttering nonsensical things to himself. Joseph will never listen to Aesop. 

 

“Aesop.” Joseph greets him with a giggle when Assop returns, already eying the bottle in his hand. Despite his giggy demeanor Aesops knew him enough to know that there is more underneath that facade.

 

On two unsteady feet, he gets up and stumbles towards Aesop. He falls forward, catching himself on the survivor's chest, wrapping his arms around his torso.

 

“You smell like death again.” Joseph comments, hand sinking down to meet with Aesops. Joseph's hand intertwines with Aesop's own for a split second before he feels the weight of the bottle slowly leave. Joseph smiles at him. 

 

Aesop lessens his grip on the bottle, letting it fall into Joseph's hands. “Have I ever smelt like anything else?”

 

Joseph hums in response, letting go of Aesop before falling back into his chair. “Hm, I suppose not.”

 

He watches Joseph uncaps the bottle, wasting no time in bringing it to his mouth. Aesop watches his adam apple roll as the photographer drinks with no regard for anything else. When he is in this state, nothing else in the world matters except the memories of his brother and whatever new alcohol he has. 

 

In less than a minute Joseph is done with the whole bottle. He sets it on the ground, wiping his mouth with his sleeves. Aesop grumbles and leans down, taking out a napkin out of his pocket and wipes Joseph's mouth for him.

 

“What are you doing?” As expected, his speech is starting to slur and he can barely keep his head upright. Aesop has to hold him by his chin to keep Josephs head from falling.

 

Ever so gently he wipes the corners of Joseph's mouth. This is all he can do for him. The only thing he can do to show he cares without being too much. “Taking care of you.”

 

Joseph pushes his hand away, refusing any sort of pity from him. “Is there more?”

 

“No. That was the last one in the kitchen.” Telling him a lie was better than telling him that he was drinking too much. This way Joseph would not try to argue with him.

 

 He swings an arm behind Joseph's back and hooks his legs over his other arm, carrying him up. Joseph doesn't protest against the action for now, ragdoll in Aesop's arms. He is moved to his bed and tucked in. 

 

“Don’t treat me like I'm pathetic.” He snarls, but gets comfortable in the bed anyway. “I could have gotten into bed myself.”

 

“I never intended for that.” Aesop's eyes narrow as he looks down at him.

 

“Whatever you say.”

 

Aesop loathed Joseph like this. Intolerable. Stubborn. Always begging for the ability to forget then trying to uphold the pride he has by pushing away what little Aesop tries to do. It is hard. Hard to watch him crumble down on himself. Especially when Aesop is right there for him. All he had to do was talk. Move on.

 

The survivor convinces himself that getting Joseph out of this state was that simple. In reality he knows that getting Joseph to let go of the dead was an impossible task.

 

“Just too bad..” Joseph licks his lips, already missing the taste of alcohol. He turns over to his side, facing Aesop. Like so many other times Joseph changes his mood so seemingly and effortlessly. It makes Aesop wonder if he had ever allowed himself to actually spend time mourning. Maybe then he would not be this irritable. “How about you let me drink something else?”

 

Just a few seconds ago Joseph was pushing him away. Now, he has his hands on Aesop's thigh trying to seduce him. Smiling up at him all mischievous like. It was almost laughable.

 

“Hm? Don’t want it?” Under any other circumstances Aesop would not hesitate taking whatever Joseph gives him.

 

Aesop looks back down at him, giving him a stern look. “You are clearly not okay. Sex is not going to help.”

 

“I’m fine.” Joseph sits up and pulls Aesop closer, setting his check right next to Aesops crotch. “You could help me feel better though. Are you really going to deny me?”

 

This was his attempt to entice him. Unfortunately for Aesop, it works. Like every other pathetic time Joseph convinces him to do something. Be it letting him get a draw from the game or shooing Aesop away from him. In this case, sex. Letting him drown his sorrow further. Joseph always wins over Aesop one way or another.

 

“This time if I let you. You’ll talk to me after.” Or at the very least stop pushing me away. Aesop asked despite knowing the question was pointless. Joseph would find another way to brush him off again even if he agreed. He’d fall asleep, wake back up, and claim that he has not a clue of what Aesop is talking about. Again.

 

Still, it served as a small glimmer of hope that he would get through to him one day.

 

“Sure.” He agrees with a smile, already searching for the viper in his pants. “We’ll talk for however long you want about whatever you want, dear.”



Wordlessly, he lays Joseph back down. The wine stained blouse sticks to his chest when Aesop tries to pull it up. It's slightly gross but Joseph has been in worse conditions. Carefully he slides it over his head, making sure his hair doesn’t touch the wine stains. The blouse is thrown somewhere on the floor. He can clean it up later.

 

“Stripping me already?” His lips curve up. Though, his eyes never change. “You must be greedy today.”

 

It was a little ironic to call Aesop the greedy one when he has glass bottles piling up on the floor. “That blouse was disgusting. I know you felt it stick.”

 

“Right again.” He hooks his arms over Aesop's neck, pulling him close enough for a kiss.

 

Joseph closes his eyes through Aesop's touch, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of someone's mouth on his own. However, Aesop doesn’t want to drown too far with Joseph. He keeps his eyes open just to watch him.

 

Their kiss gets messy, Aesop feels their saliva dripping down from Joseph's chin. At least right now they are one.

 

As they separate, a thin line connects their lips together.

 

“Passable.” Joseph jokes, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

“Don’t do that.” He takes out the same napkin as before, wiping Joseph clean for him.

 

“How sweet.” It comes out sounding condescending. “How about you clean up my chest too?”

 

Without too much pushing from Joseph, Aesop already knows what he wants. He leans down to his chest. He is thin. Almost like a twig. His hands warp around his waist a bit too nicely. Aesop starts off by kissing around his collarbone. It makes Joseph flinch slightly but he quickly stills himself. Following where the wine has spilt all over him, Aesop traces his tongue over. He can taste the wine, along with the natural saltiness of human skin.

 

Aesop stops at his nipple. He looks back up at Joseph who has his eyes closed. He looked peaceful, like he was sleeping.



When Joseph reached the point of eternal rest, would he let Aesop be the one to take care of him?



The survivor winces when Aesop gives a light kiss to his nipple. He arches his back, begging for more attention. This, Aesop won't deny. He continues to give light kisses until it perks up, then he licks around it until it has Joseph whining. The other one is left unattended, so Joseph brings up his own hand to tease him.

 

“Who's greedy now?” He murmurs against his chest, taking the bud into his mouth and sucking it. He earns another loud whine from Joseph. Aesop feels Joseph's other hand on his head, tugging his hair.

 

“Not fair when-” Joseph chokes on a gasp when Aesop's tongue circles around his nipple. “You make me feel this good.”

 

“Is it enough for you?” No. The answer is no. Unless he can help completely take Joseph's pain away the answer will always be no.

 

“You can give me more, right?” He says trying to push Aesop to the next step. But that alone makes Aesop overthink something else. Maybe he doesn’t try hard enough for Joseph.

 

“Mhm.” He wordlessly hums a reply.

 

Aesop's hands find their way to the hem of Joseph's pants. He closes his legs to make it easier for Aesop and everything comes off.

 

“Cold.” Joseph shivers slightly, now bare as the day he came into this world.

 

“Is it now?” Aesop sits down next to Joseph, then pulls the man into his lap. Back pressed against his chest.

 

“Aesop!” He jerks as the tip of his cock is being toyed with, pushing himself closer to the survivor's chest.

 

“It's erotic to think you’ve already gotten this hard just from your chest.” Aesop mused, taking his entire dick into his hand. “I’ll give you more. Exactly like you asked for.”

 

Something about Aesop's voice has Joseph more needy than before. He bucks his hips up into Aesop's hold with every teasing movement he makes. 

 

“Where’s the lubricant?”

 

They’ve done this enough times for the bottle to end up under the extra pillow on Joseph's bed. Joseph wines at the simulation, desperately trying to fish out the bottle on the bed. It’s amusing to watch him whine like this despite everything else.

 

Joseph is quick to make sounds of complaints when the hand withdraws. But he is obedient when Aesop pats his thighs, spreading his legs wide open for him. Aesop leans down to press a light kiss on his forehead. The action makes Joseph visibly stiffen. He withdraws shortly after, lubing up his own fingers for what was to come. The bottle gets lost in the sheets as aesop tosses it aside. He circles the rim of his ass until Joseph starts demanding more. He is only happy when Aesop finally sinks his fingers into him.

 

“Fuck- Yes yes…!” The photographer is already drooling at the little pressure the embalmer gives him. It does make Aesop curious if he would fold this easily for anyone else. “Aesop. Aesop.”

 

Joseph calling Aesops name with such sweetness in his voice finally makes Aesop give him his full attention. He starts sizzoring him with two fingers watching the body below him unravel further. It was surprising how messy the elegant count could get. His legs jerk close as Aesop gets rougher with him, but he forces them back open. Aesop adjusts his fingers to brush against the spots Joseph like, making the man grip onto Aesop's pants like that would help.

 

“Close…” Joseph winces, digging his nails into Aesop's flesh. “Aesop….”

 

The survivor halts, taking his fingers out of Joseph and lays him onto his back again. Aesop makes quick work of his own clothes, stripping himself until he is bare. He strokes his own cock whilst looking at Joseph's naked body.

 

His lover is waiting for him on his bed. Eyes watery and hair a mess. Be it alcohol or sex he always ends up like this. In this case Aesop can not blame only the alcohol for Joseph's patheticness. He has also indulged in him more than he has. 

 

“Hurry..” Joseph begs. “I need you.”

 

Aesop indulges in this because it was the only thing Joseph wanted from him. But just like Joseph, he is greedy too. He wants more. 

 

He wants Joseph to need him more.

 

“Do you really?” Aesop climbs over the bed, swinging Joseph's legs on his shoulders while fitting himself on his rim. “What would you do without me?”

 

“I..” Joseph goes quiet, eyes somewhere on the wall behind Aesop.

 

“Would you go to someone else?” His heart twists at the thoughts.

 

“What..?” The frenchman is absolutely out of it, and he has not even been fucked yet. Joseph blinks, shaking his head. “No- I’d never.”

 

A small smile creeps onto Aesop's lips. That was all he needed for now.

 

In one motion Aesop penetrates Joseph's body without any further thought, leaning down to capture his lips. Both his mouth and body were hot, melting Aesop as a whole. Once they finished their hungry kiss Aesop pulled away, moving to attack his neck instead. 

 

Joseph's neck is littered with bite marks from previous encounters. All from Aesop. And only Aesop. 

 

He kisses each mark, making Joseph wince. 

 

“Just move.” Joseph complains, shaking his own hips to no avail. “Stop it.”

 

When Joseph was trying to drown out all his grief Aesop knows that he hates receiving anything that was too sweet from him.

 

“Why?” He asks even though he doubts he would get an answer. Aesop continues kissing him along his neck, being unnecessarily gentle with it.

 

“I don’t want-“ He chokes on his own words, a shaky breath leaves him. “To cry .”





That was the first time Joseph ever admitted that to Aesop, making him stop in his tracks.



“I don’t want to look weak to you.”

 

Aesop only started noticing at first when Joseph would purposely drive him away after his second bottle, despite Joseph usually being the one to initiate physical contact. At first it took awhile for Aesop to be comfortable to do anything with Joseph, it hurt him.

 

Now, Aesop realizes Joseph was hurting more than he thought.

 

Below him Joseph finally shed a tear, swinging an arm over his face to shield his face from Aesop's gaze.

 

“Joseph..” He calls his name in a low whisper, taking both of Joseph's hands to pin above the bed revealing his face to him.

 

Joseph turns his head to the side, trying to bury his face in his forearm. Unfortunately for him, he has given Aesop the space he needs to kiss Joseph along his jawline. Reflectively it makes Joseph try to kick him off, Aesop does not budge. 

 

“Aesop.. enough.”

 

“I don’t care if you’re weak.” Slowly he begins to rock his hips against Joseph, drawing a low moan out of him. He tries to bury his head further into the sheets in a fruitless attempt as his voice echoes in the room.

 

“Stop it.” More tears fall from his face. Despite what he says he locks his legs around Aesop, keeping him there. “I don’t want to hear it.”

 

It was a risk to keep talking. Hell, maybe after this Joseph would completely stop talking to him as a whole.

 

However he can’t respect Joseph's wishes right now. This might be the only opportunity he’ll get to get through to Joseph.

 

“I want to see everything from you, Joseph.” He says against his ear making Joseph's body shiver. Aesop continues to thrust his hips into him, reducing Joseph to a further mess. “Rely on me more. Trust me more.”

 

“No no.. Can’t.” He lets out another ugly sub, his chest sucking in as he takes a deep breath in. Joseph's nails dig into the back of Aesop's hand, almost causing him to bleed. “You’ll hate me.”

 

“I can only love you more”. Aesop honestly doesn't know what was possessing him to say all this. Usually his ear would become red from the embarrassment of saying I love you out loud. Maybe it was all because Joseph needed him.

 

The photographer stopped responding verbally, moving his hips to tell Aesop to get on with it.

 

Aesop just nods, speeding up the pace of his thrust. He frees one of Joseph's hands so in turn he could grip onto his waist, pulling his body down onto his cock in time with each thrust. Joseph lets out a particularly loud moan when his sweet spot was hit, arching his back. Feeling his own orgasm approaching him, he pounds into Joseph at a harder pace. The blonde does not protest, and lets Aesop's lips find him again. Without any regard for the bed creaking Aesop takes all of Joseph. His mouth, his body, his ass and his heart. He can feel Joseph's tears getting onto his own cheeks. 

 

“Cumming…” Joseph pulls away and lightly slaps the side of Aesop's palm with his free hand. “Please. Aesop. Please.”

 

Aesop is happy to let him. He puts a hand on Joseph's cock, stroking him to completion. It's not long before Joseph releases onto his own stomach.

 

“Joseph.. I’m about to..”

 

“Inside..” He pants.

 

Aesop occupies his mouth with Josephs collarbone, kissing and biting their skin there as he tries to muffle his own moans.

 

He releases into Joseph, riding out his orgasm before coming to a stop. As he pulls out he makes sure not to do anything that would hurt Joseph. 

 

They both drenched in their sweat and for Joseph, their semen. However Aesop can’t find it in himself to clean anything at the moment, collapsing next to Joseph.

 

“The bed is disgusting.” Joseph points out.

 

Aesop hums in response, pulling Joseph's body against his own to hug. “We can clean the sheets tomorrow and sleep in my room.”

 

If Joseph has any complaints he doesn’t voice them out. They lay there in silence for a while resting with the comfort of each other.

 

“You won’t hate me?”

 

Aesop presses his lips into a thin line. He hates the way Joseph downs every bottle of alcohol. Hates how he pushes him away.

 

Despite all that he could never bring himself to hate this man.

 

“Never.” He replies firmly. “But you hurt me.”

 

“Eh..?” It takes some effort but Joseph turns his head to look at Aesop.

 

“You once said we were lovers before..” Aesop starts, trying his best to keep eye contact with Joseph as he tries to express himself. “Yet you constantly push me away when you obviously can’t handle being alone. No matter how hard I try. Would you prefer it if I left?”

 

“No.. not at all. That isnt it.” He shakes his head, wiping a tear away with his hand. “I.. fear that you’ll grow to dislike me after seeing how pathetic I can be.

 

“I don’t think I can ever feel that way.” He kisses a tear as it rolls off Joseph's face. Joseph does not react strongly this time, it makes Aesop smile. “I would rather be next to you and do what I can.”

 

Joseph chuckles lightly. “Ha.. That's stupid.” 

 

“…”

 

“I’m sorry.” he puts a hand on Aesop's cheek.

 

“I need you, Joseph.” 

 

“I need you too.” For what seems to be the first time in awhile, Joseph genuinely smiles back at him. “Thank you, mon amour.”

Notes:

dies of cringe this is so self indulgent but i need it OUT OF MY SYSTEM

i love carlseph so much i need them happy pls pls pls pls

also hi my twitter is @rugv69 pls yap with me about carselph

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