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Maura drove for hours on end. She should have taken a break a long time ago but she wanted to put as much distance as possible between her and Barstow before finding an isolated spot to stop and have a proper look at Jane. She was often glancing in the rearview mirror to check on the frail figure of her friend. Jane hadn’t moved since Doyle dropped her on the back seat. Her cries had subsided and turned to quiet hiccups. Now she was staring straight ahead, her dark eyes red and her face flushed from the crying. Her curled up position couldn’t possibly be comfortable, or safe but Maura could understand, somehow, the need to be as small as possible. She had been at the mercy of a violent man for months. She might have fought him at first... Or had she? She was so upset when she left Boston that she might not have found the strength to fight back when Vasilyev got his hands on her.
Maura swallowed. It was all her fault. Jane wouldn’t have run away from her friends and family had she not betrayed her in the first place. How could she have known that her life would stray so much from the linear path she had traced years ago? Hoyt had been a fellow doctor she met at a conference when she was at the beginning of her career. She hadn’t known that he was a serial killer who had been kicked out of his medical school for fondling one of the corpses. He already had her in his claws by then. He had manipulated her into doing small things for him, things she now realised were morally reproachable. She had told him stuff he shouldn’t have known, provided him access to places he shouldn’t have visited. She had been the accomplice of a serial killer for years, and she had helped him to traumatise Jane even further.
She had been so gullible. She had revealed to him that she was an adopted child who had never known her biological parents and he had made her believe that he would help her find them in exchange for her services. Her lack of social skills had turned her into an easy target for an evil genius like Hoyt and he had used her and her insecurities to get what he wanted. Gullible, and stupid. She should have known better. She had been used by other people all her life. Her desperate need for approval and love from her peers had pushed her to do questionable things in the past already. Hoyt had just been the last name on a long list of manipulators. She had tried to toughen up, to hide behind a perfect shell of cold professionalism, but deep down she was still that scared little girl in a world that didn’t understand her.
Jane was different. She had been from the start. She never tried to take advantage of her, of her name, of her money. She didn’t even care about all that. She only cared about the person hiding underneath the perfect makeup and expensive clothes. All she had ever seen in her was someone who needed a friend, and she had been the friend Maura had always dreamt about in her lonely hours. Even then, she had doubted that Jane was even real. How could she be? She was a dream come true for the lost little girl Maura was. If she hadn’t been so rational, she would have thought that Jane was a product of her imagination fuelled by her desire to be loved and protected the way she never asked to to anyone. She never had to ask anything to Jane. She just provided without a word, and it felt incredibly good.
Of course the reveal of her shenanigans with Hoyt had ruined it all. And yet, Jane had never revealed her role in what happened in that infirmary. She could have turned her in to Korsak and Frost when they freed them from that room. Instead, she had come home with her to celebrate her birthday and left the next day without a word about the incident. Maura was taking it as a proof that Jane cared for her deep down. Otherwise, why would she have kept her secret? She had helped a notorious serial killer to get his hand on her not just once, but three times. Every time he had come back into Jane’s life, it was because of Maura. She had given him access to the only friend she had ever had. She could never forgive herself for giving Charles Hoyt what he wanted, for betraying the only person who seemed to care about her in over thirty years of existence.
Jane wouldn’t forgive her either, and Maura couldn’t blame her. She really messed things up. But how could she have known that she would get so attached to the detective she was supposed to torment and turn into an easy prey? Hoyt had been right: it was impossible to resist Jane. If his interest with Jane was purely psychotic and born from the obsession of a hunter for a prey resisting, Maura’s was wholly different. She had tried to keep her distances from the detective, tried to keep her cool and detached façade on with her, but Jane wasn’t buying any of that. She had seen beyond the mask and had pushed through until she could reach her heart and see the person Maura really was. She had offered her friendship, family, love and trust. In a snap of fingers, she had lost it all.
It made no difference in her decision to go looking for her. Maura could live with an angry Jane. It was better than living with no Jane at all. And Boston was Jane’s hometown. All of her family and friends were there. If anyone had to leave, that had to be Maura, and if Jane needed her to leave to feel safe again on her territory then she would consider it. It would be a heart wrenching decision, leaving Boston and the Rizzolis. She had grown to like the city despite her ties to its mob that was led by her biological father, the Rizzolis had become a family to her. They still were. Jane’s departure hadn’t changed that. Only the truth about her collaboration with Hoyt would severe the deep bond she had with the family, like it had destroyed her friendship with Jane. They would never forgive her if they knew.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
The question passed the barrier of her lips before she could hold it back. She glanced at the rear view mirror once again. Jane still hadn’t moved, and even if she couldn’t see her face, Maura could tell that she wasn’t sleeping. Her body language betrayed high levels of anxiety. Maura hadn’t expected her to relax. Not in her presence. But Jane was exhausted, and she definitely needed some medical attention. Who knew what had been done to her and what kind of diseases she could have gotten in that basement she was locked in? Vasilyev seemed to be running an important network of human trafficking that even Doyle knew about. Maura winced at the abuses Jane must have gone through in the hands of such a man. As if she hadn’t suffered enough already in Hoyt’s hands.
“I’m relieved that you didn’t turn me in, although I honestly thought you would, but I was surprised that you didn’t even try to warn your family against me. You let your mother live in my guest house, and your brother comes quite often. They don’t suspect a thing. They just think you’ve taken some well-deserved time off.”
Jane remained silent. She either didn’t want to give her an answer, didn’t have one, or she simply was too focused on putting together a plan to escape. Maura wouldn’t be surprised if she even tried to run away when they had to stop to traffic lights and road signals. Jane was clever. She could probably outsmart her like she did in the past six months but in the condition she was in, it was for the best that she wasn’t alone. She certainly would prefer to be with anyone else but since Maura was the only one to have looked for her, they were stuck together until they were back to Boston, until Jane was back with her family. She would need a close watch for a few weeks, or months even, to be sure Vasilyev wouldn’t come after her. If he was as dangerous as Doyle seemed to think, Jane might never be safe again.
Maura had followed Doyle’s advice though. She was avoiding all the highly frequented ways in aid of smaller roads. The journey to Boston from Nevada was terribly long already, but having to drive under the radar made it even longer and boring. She should have had a couple of breaks. Her body was demanding said breaks. Her neck was stiff, her limbs were sore and now that the adrenaline had worn off, the accumulated exhaustion of the past few months was slowly creeping in. They were hundreds of miles away from Barstow and they surely could stop safely in one of the numerous isolated towns of the countryside but Maura was afraid still. She would have to find an even more remote location where she could hide with Jane. The car too could use a break. Several indicators were on and issues were asking to be taken into consideration.
A sign for an amusement park piqued her interest. She remembered the name of it (not that she ever went in amusement parks) for it was in the headlines for days after an unfortunate accident caused the death of a dozen visitors. The park closed shortly after it was proved that the incident had been caused by one of the workers’ negligence. The visitors stopped coming and the park eventually went bankrupt. They hadn’t put it to pieces though and the whole site was abandoned as it was. It would be a perfect hiding spot. Maybe they could even find some edible food that was left behind, and Jane could use a short journey in the infirmary.
Maura found out that sneaking in a closed area was not as easy as they would like you to believe in movies. All the exits were out of use, closed with heavy chains and locks. She could easily drive into one of the doors with the car but it would draw attention to them. Exactly what she didn’t want. It was daylight, somewhere around the beginning of the afternoon. She had been driving for so many hours she had lost counts. She barely did a break to fill up the car with gas (she was lucky to have a car that didn’t use much) in the early hours of the morning.
She looked for a shady spot to park the car. Even if Doyle had told her to drive non-stop, she couldn’t keep going. She needed food and water and a few hours of rest. Jane could do with these as well. When was the last time she had had access to food, water or proper sleep? When had she last felt the sun on her skin? It had been a while if Maura was to judge by Jane’s miserable appearance.
“Why did ya bother running after me?”
The gravelly voice caught her off guard. The car stalled. She didn’t turn it back on, didn’t turn around to look at Jane. She looked straight before her, right at the emptiness of the gigantic parking lot which tarmac was cracking to let out tufts of wild grass. The spot was relativity safe as they couldn’t be seen from any of the roads surrounding the park.
“Because you’re my friend.”
“We’re not friends.”
“You’re angry with me, I get it. You can’t forgive me, I also get it. I fully deserve your fury and disgust and whatever else you’re feeling about me. I betrayed you before I even got to know you and, believe me, I regret it immensely. He manipulated me, placed me where he wanted me to be, and despite my attempts at keeping you at a respectable distance with my detached and cold behaviour, he got what he had planned. Sort of. You and I became close friends. Therefore, it was impossible for me to give in to his demands to push you to the edge of madness so he could just finish you off at the most opportune moment.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“You did, Jane. Don’t you see it, that positive power you’ve got over people?”
Had she had not known Jane, Maura would still be a cold and detached medical examiner working for a serial killer unbeknownst to her. She would still be an awkward geek lacking social skills, a lonely woman drinking wine to cope with the sad reality of a life that never filled the emptiness of her heart.
“No one…” She swallowed. “No one had ever taken my defence before you. Everyone was avoiding me. They gave me names, bullied me, but no one tried to see what was under the Ice Queen mask. No one but you. And I knew then, I knew that I’d be incapable of ever hurting you any way he would have asked me. Even if that meant that he would kill me. The price to pay wasn’t much to save your life.”
Maura placed her hands flat on the wheel and exhaled slowly. Tears were pooling at the corners of her eyes. She wished Jane would understand how stupid she had been, and how she would rather have risked her life than giving her away to Hoyt. Her life was meaningless compared to Jane’s. Jane who was doing good in the world. Jane who was helping people and inspiring them. Maura was just cutting into dead people and avoiding live people as much as she could. People didn’t care about her, but they cared about Jane, and for that reason, Maura had to bring her back to her family and friends. It wouldn’t erase her involvement with Hoyt, it was just soothing the guilt that had been gnawing at her for years.
“I’ve been looking for you since you were gone because I care about you, Jane. Even if you hate me because of what I did. Even if you don’t want to see me ever again after I take you back to Boston. I made a mistake with Hoyt. I’m fixing it now.”
Silence again. Jane had gotten the answer she asked for and wasn’t providing one in return to the question Maura had asked earlier. Maura was still curious to know the answer though. That question had been haunting her mind day and night since the day Jane left Boston and she had no one to talk to about it. Only Jane knew she had been Hoyt’s last assistant and the detective wasn’t willing to talk about it. It was very Jane-like to avoid heavy topics and clear the air after a traumatic situation.
“Maura?”
Maura’s heart fluttered. It wasn’t the familiar nickname Jane was always using when she was addressing her in the past, but it wasn’t her official title or another unpleasant name she would have invented following her betrayal. It was her name, and Maura couldn’t be more relieved to hear it pronounced with Jane’s hoarse voice.
“Yes, Jane?”
“He’s gonna come after me.”
Maura opened the glove and, with a calm she was far from feeling inside down, retrieved a gun she had thrown in there earlier. She hadn’t had any intention of using it when Doyle gave it to her after she contacted him for help, but if Vasilyev was as terrible as everyone seems to think (Patrick Doyle wouldn’t have crossed the whole country to keep her safe on a territory that wasn’t his, nor would he have told her to stay away from public places if he hadn’t been scared for her safety), she might need it to keep Jane and herself safe.
The gun was loaded, the security was on. She slid back the top of the gun to load a bullet in the chamber and released it. Now it was armed and ready to fire if she ever had to. She hadn’t spent six months of her life looking for Jane to have her taken away again by a human trafficker.
“Let him come.”
The sound of the gun being armed had drown Jane’s attention. She rolled on her back to look at Maura from the backseat. In the daylight, she looked worse than she did in the darkness of the basement she had found her in. Her skin wore a greyish colour that contrasted with the dark bags under her eyes matching the bruises at different healing stages around her wrists, ankles, arms, neck and other places hidden under the dirty rags clinging to her now skeletal frame.
Maura didn’t turn around to look at her, too afraid of scaring her with a direct stare, and glanced in the rearview mirror instead. She had to swallow the bile in her throat at the general appearance of her friend. Never had Jane looked so bad. Not even after she shot herself to save her brother from a disastrous hostage situation at the precinct.
“This time, I’ll be the one protecting you.”
Maura placed the gun back into the glove box and closed it. She would rather not have to use it, but if she had to, she wouldn’t hesitate. No one got to hurt her best friend and get away with it. It was her turn to be the saviour instead of being the damsel in distress.
She turned the car back on and moved it to the most shady spot she could find. She would move it closer to the park by nighttime, when she would be able to pick one of the locks without drawing attention to them. The park hadn’t closed for too long. Hopefully she would find food and medical supplies inside.
“Maura?”
Her name again. Maybe they were on a good path to working together to escape Vasilyev and survive this crazy adventure that had torn them apart. If Jane wanted her to stay around after that, she would have to earn her trust all over again. She would do whatever she had to to be her friend again. Or even just a colleague.
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
Maura could cry right now as her heart burst with relief. Jane was thanking her for coming to her rescue and volunteering to keep her safe until the Vasilyev’s threat was under control. At least, Jane wasn’t thinking she had come to hurt her or kill her like she did a few hours ago. Maura had expected her to be more difficult about the idea of being saved by the very person who caused her to leave in the first place. She refused to see it as a sign that she had been abused by this man for so long that she had learnt to give in to her owner's desires, because why would she thank her then? This thank-you was a good beginning to improve things between them...