Chapter Text
“Okay, favorite meal?” Adam asked as he walked down the side of the bridge towards a forest ahead of them. It has been some time since the Rehab Center (Adam never kept track of time after he died, since clocks were kind of unnecessary for Immortal beings.), and he had entered another city, fighting his way through some junky demons in alleyways (Not his best kills, but who cares.) until Roo pointed to this forest. Apparently he was reaching the edge of the Sloth Ring, soon he will reach Envy, then Pride and he’ll be home free (Obviously he has the rest of the rings, but Adam can handle it).
“That donut crumb you gave me was really good.” Roo said.
“What? I don’t mean from today, I mean in general.”
“Well I wouldn’t know, since that crumb is the first thing I ever ate since the dawn of Creation.”
“Okay sure but a crum……I’m sorry, that is seriously the first thing you ever had?!” Adam asked, flabbergasted by this revelation.
“Yes.” Roo said, seemingly unbothered by this fact.
“Never had pizza? A rib? Pies? Cakes? Heaven, a fucking salad?!”
“Nope.” Roo answered.
“......WHY?! Food is like the best thing in Creation, next to wom-well after women, and music!!” Adam corrected.
“I have no need for food, I’m not against it, I just have no need for it.” Roo said, Adam rolled his eyes.
“Jeez, just like the Angels.” Adam grumbled. He remembered when he died and went to Heaven, learning that the Archangels, the first Seraphims, don’t eat. In Eden he had all the fruit and vegetables he could eat, granted he did have to plant them and farm them but First Man it was worth it. Once he was kicked out of Eden (Thanks to that clown and Lil-that whore), farming and hunting was a trial, one that depended on his and Eve’s survival. Granted, ribs were fucking amazing. In Heaven he made sure to cook meat (that was made from magic, no killing) and give it to the Seraphim.
He was the first cook afterall, and the angels LOVED it, and it was a great thing to do….before Hell’s Uprising…..and the Exterminations. Sure he still cooked for Eve, and he hung out with the Seraphim but it was rare for the original family to hang around much nowadays aside from boring council meetings. Which was (not) fine, he got way better things to do like: Keep his wife happy (She had no problems), spend time with the kids (Even if some resent him, not his fault), and remind that lying traitorous whore what she threw away (Which made total sense).
Fuck those were simpler times.
……Where was he going with this? Oh right, food was awesome and he made the BEST in Heaven….maybe he should open a restaurant when he gets back.
“Seriously though, you should try something like pizza or a burger or just a carrot. Ribs is my favorite dish in the whole damn Creation, can never have enough ribs.” Adam said, licking his lips. Damn he would kill for a plate of ribs right now,
“Perhaps, will you be joining me?” Roo asked.
“I mean….maybe not if its in Hell…..but I guess it all depends on if I’m REALLY hungry.” Adam admitted. He had never had Hell originated meals, it doesn’t seem far off from those on Earth albeit of Hellish design, he remembered Lilith bringing meals to the Post-Extermination Meetings for herself, and they looked like what you expect from Hell’s royalty: shit.
“Well I eagerly wait for the day when we can dine together-perhaps after you claim your throne in Hell and destroy the False Ki-!”
“No, I don’t want the throne nor do I wanna be Hell’s King.” Adam said, poking the Roll’s face, but Roo simply giggled.
“......Seriously, Roo, why do you want me to be King?” Adam asked, genuinely curious on why she wanted the First Man to be king.
“Was that not to be your destined path before the Fall of Eden? To be the King of Humanity, alongside either Lilith or Eve?” Roo asked. Adam glared down at Roo, clearly this entity was something far older than even him, if she knew the original plan that Father made.
“Yeah, Dad made Lilith and I for the grand plan for Creation, we would’ve been Rulers of the Universe, until she left for that twink and Eve was made and well…..it all went spiraling out of control.” Adam growled, flames dancing across his wings, before they flickered away as he shook his head.
“Yet Lilith got herself a Kingdom, while you and Eve toiled away.”
“I wouldn’t call this place a Kingdom, just different levels of damnation.” Adam said, pushing a branch aside.
“Yes, this place isn’t exactly welcoming.” Roo said, holding onto Adam as he cut through a foliage of bushes.
“You can say that again.”
“Yes, this place isn’t exact-!”
“I wasn’t being literal. Anyways, everything sucks here, a fucking city-block in Heaven is safer than the entirety of this realm, no a room in my lovely abode is safer than Hell.”
“Yes, though each ring is just its own level of danger, from the Hellborn, to the environment, even the fauna like that strange beast heading towards you.” Roo mused.
“Exactl-Wait, wha-!” Adam was knocked off his feet, slammed through a tree and onto his back. Adam pushed himself back onto his feet to find the beast who smacked him roaring at him. This Infernal beast was a seemingly hybrid between a turtle with the head and tail of that Ankylosaurus Dinosaur Eve used to ride (She fit perfectly on one's back, and they never let him on, he thought it was unfair). Its maw was filled with razor sharp teeth (Like those giant Leatherback turtles Seth discovered on their travels.), spewing saliva onto his robes.
“Ah-Bitch, these are my only robes!!” Adam growled, summoning his Guitax as the beast swung its tail. Adam ducked under the swing and charged at the beast, swinging his weapon into its side. Of course his body shook in surprise as it seemingly bounced off the hellborn beast, before it knocked him away with a slam of its shell. Adam rolled back onto his feet, jumping past its tail slam.
“The hell is this thing?! Hell’s own version of a dinosaur?” Adam grumbled as it snarled at him.
“I believe it is called a Skliriouras, a beast of Sloth origin.” Roo explained, Adam jumping on its back. The beast growled in annoyance, shaking its shell as the First Man held on. Well, if he couldn’t break the shell like he could on Earth, let’s go for the head. He lunged forward swinging his blade, but much like a turtle it retracted its head and tail, followed by its legs.
“Hey!! Don’t be a loser!! Get out and face me like a man….beast….Hellborn thing.” Adam exclaimed, stomping the shell in frustration. The beast snorted within its shell, tilting its side just enough……right before it began spinning its shell. Adam tried to hold on as the beast began picking up speed, and the First Man hooked his guitax onto the beast's shell, screaming as they were spinning at ridiculous speed, breaking through trees and rocks.
“SSSSSHHHHIIIIIIITTTT!!!!” Adam cursed, he couldn’t hold on but man was he afraid to let go. The beast seemingly had no trouble with vertigo, and Adam’s guitax finally lost its hold, launching Adam into the air. Don’t ask him how he went up instead of sideways, he had no idea.
“Is this a good time to use your wings?”
“NO!!!” Adam roared, lifting his blade above his head, as the beast poked out of its shell. He was Adam, he wasn’t let some overgrown turtle keep him from Heaven. No demon, no Sin, and definitely not Lucifer will kee-Spikes shot out of the Beasts shell, seemingly grinning at Adam.
“......You have got to be fucking kid-!”
(AU)
“How are you feeling?” Roo asked, kneeling down beside the resurrected First Man who laid on his stomach, petting his wings while he grumbled in the dirt.
“So close….I was so close….”
“.....So how about a Plan B: I give you power, we take Hell, and kill Luc-!”
“No, maybe on the last bit cause I know who you were gonna say BUT I don’t make deals. Adam doesn’t give up, bitches!!!” Adam proclaimed, pushing himself back on his feet.
“Oh well, I enjoy our walks.” Roo mused, following after Adam.
“Fuck yeah, everyone enjoys time with the Dickma-What’s that?” Adam asked, stopping mid-step, pointing towards a strange glowing chalice, red energy seeping out of it.
“Hmm? Oh that? That’s a gift for later, one for you, it’s just not ready yet.” Roo said, casually waving it off.
“A gift, for me?”
“Yes, but it’s not ready. Maybe next time it will be.” Roo teased, earning Adam’s ire as he snapped at her.
“Bitch!!! There is no next time!! I’m!!”
“GETTING!!” Adam cut through the horde of husks, Roo floating behind him.
“OUT!!!” Adam climbed up the mountain, Roo resting on an edge beside him.
“OF HERE!!!” Adam reappeared in Sloth, Roll in his front pocket.
“So….backtrack?” Roo asked.
“Hell no!! I’m not going through those cities, fuck this I’m going the nature route.” Adam said, walking deeper into the forest. If he went through the back streets and ran into every damn drugged out hellborn he won’t get out of this stupid ring. He had six more to go, he doesn’t have time for this. Sure this might be as long or even longer, but everytime he got here in Sloth the only threats were in the city. Maybe that beast was the last of its infernal kind?
“Besides, I have a score to settle with that stupid fucking turtle.”
“Well alright, and besides how bad could it be?” Roo asked.
“Exactly, you got the spirit, this will be a peace of ca-AAAAAHHHH!!!” Adam screamed as he fought rabid Kangaroo Rabbits.
“JESUS CHRIST!!!” Adam roared as he swung at gigantic sloth-like demons, stuck in one of their claws before he cut it off.
“OH COME ON!!!” Adam snarled, holding an oversized venus flytrap beast from closing its jaw around him, several smaller heads snapping at him.
“.....Adam?” Roo asked, her Roll body staring at the First Man who seemingly laid in a flower bed of cannabis, a strange pink cloud around them.
“......heheheheheeee……Eve……..Lily…….sexy……Fuck yeeeeeaaaaaa…..” Adam drawled on, his red mask covered in smoke.
“Ah…..I’ll wait until you’ve woken up.” Roo said, seemingly unaffected by the green cloud. Hours later, the First Man walked out of the forest, his body covered in cuts and blood (Not only his), his mask cracked and lazily dragging his weapon behind him.
“Bad…..it can THAT bad.”
“How would I have known? I don’t go into Sloth that much.” Roo retorted, ignoring the First Man’s glare as he stepped into a forest.
“Adam, if I’m not mistaken, this seems to be the same place where you died to that infernal beast.” Roo said, gesturing to the broken tree where he was flung into, her tiny stub hand wiggling.
“Huh, fuck yeah, if that’s true let’s hope it’s still around.” Adam had a score to settle, holding up his weapon. He pushed some branches aside, only to gawk at the sight before him: the infernal beast that killed him (it got lucky) now shared the same fate. The beast laid on its back, its carcass opened up, shell broken, head splattered against the pink grass.
“Damn.”
“Hmm, it looks as if something even stronger than the beast killed it.” Roo said with glee. A powerful beast laid low, such is the survival of the fittest.
“Huh……let’s keep moving, and if anyone asks: I killed it.” Adam declares as he walks past the dead beast, traveling for some time before entering another meadow of flowers, not like cannabis or other narcotics plants.
“What a disgustingly wonderful meadow.” Roo cooed, Adam cocking his eyebrow at the doll before he took a look around. This place…despite being in Hell, a realm of pure damnation and a stain on the Creation his father worked so hard to make…this field of flowers looked….nice. It reminded him of the ones he would go an play around in with Lilith, placing one behind the ears of Sera or Jophiel or even his father as gifts. Or wrestling with his Best Buddies in the Whole frickin realm of Creation. He would sit beside Lilith and his Father singing to Creation, to soothe it in the state it was in back then (No older than the likes of him and Lilith), and……her.
“My Son….” Adam turned around, only to look down in awe at the sight of…himself. Adam of Eden, younger, less experienced and more clean, but eyes full of wonder (And he had a killer bod too). Or at least they would’ve but he remembered this exact moment: Lilith leaving him.
“.....Father.” Eden Adam muttered, a figure in a white robe and golden shawl around his shoulders, features hidden in holy light.
“Come, my Son, I have something to show you.” His Father offered his hand, and Adam of Eden instantly accepted, bathed in his Father’s welcoming light. He….he missed that warmth, haven’t felt that since…..since he was banished from Eden and even when he came to Heaven. It was a light he hasn’t felt in thousands of years, without it he felt….cold. He watched as his younger self and Father talked, the Father of Creation comforting his Gardener, before bringing them to an all familiar meadow. Adam, both present and Eden, widened at the sight of the sleeping figure.
“My Son, meet your wife, fashioned from your rib-The Mother of Humanity-!”
“Eve.” Adam muttered, staring down at the empty spot where she would lay, as if he was back in Eden.
“Hmm, what about Eve?” Roo asked. She remembered watching the Second Woman be born, made from Adam’s rib (She wondered if he got it back, she can give him one of hers if he so liked), to continue Humanity in God’s plan. Only to be foiled and tricked into eating the apple by the False King of Hell, and nearly be damned as Evil took root into Eden. She remembered watching Adam…..well, he certainly didn’t stand by and watch Eve suffer. Still, despite eating the apple, she was surprised to see when Eve die she did not fall in Hell but no doubt in Heaven. Was it the work of the Grand Creator? Or something else, Roo did not know.
“I just…..I remember her being made, for me, and it felt like…..like all the woes that bitch and that stupid clown left me were suddenly lifted.” Adam muttered, walking through the field.
“What is she like now? What does she do?” Roo asked, Adam eyes narrowed in thought, scratching his chin.
“She’s awesome, she's smart, beautiful, confident, loving, everything!! She does whatever she wants cause she's in Heaven. We can do whatever we want…..I mean so long as it’s good and not a Sin.” Adam corrected. Eve was fine in Heaven (Even if she didn’t come out of the House if she wasn’t with him or the kids), she earned Paradise (Even if she still got the ire of newer souls and angels due to that clown tricking her), and she was completely happy (Even if he did soothe her at night due to his job-exterminating sinners, her tears always soaking his robes.).
“I see, well, I hope to meet her someday.” Roo said.
“Yeah, fuck that. No offense, but I ain’t letting Eve an inch in Hell, her or my kids. The GOOD ones.” Adam growled.
“Be that as it may, we are reaching the edge of Sloth, and to the Ancient Pass.” Roo said, and Adam looked up to see that the clouds did seemingly reach an end in this domain. Once he turned a tree his eyes widened at what he could only assume to be the Ancient Pass, a jagged chasm that reached from the bottom of Sloth all the way past it, as if breaking past the pink clouds, looking like he had more climbing to do.
“You know before Lucifer had the Sins install the elevators, trains, and roadways, this was the only way to travel for Hellborn.” Roo explained. She remembered during the war, when she could feel hordes of Hellborn march up each ring for their masters, preparing to die their one and only life unlike the Sinner Souls.
“Huh, well the only thing passing through now will be yours truly. The one and only Adam!!” The First Man proclaimed.
“The First Man, the Dickmaster himself, and I’m leaving Slo-!”
“Hmmm, color me surprised.” A voice stopped Adam in his tracks, eyes wide as the familiar voice.
“When Lucifer told us you died, mmm, I almost believed it. After all, you’re death was all over the news within the lower Hells.” The voice mused, Adam slowly turning to face the being.
“Hmmm, and yet I was curious and suspicious to hear reports of a being that matched your features, calling himself ‘First Man’ in my realm. Of course when I found that beast with your scent on it, it only made me wonder and question so many things. Sinners don’t return from angelic steel, and I always figured it would be the same for angels-or souls like you First Man.” Adam glared at the entity before him, sitting on a rock with their hands behind their back.
“Nothing to say to me, mmmm?” She asked.
“......Belphegor.” The Sin of Sloth rested against a rock, and while it has been a few thousand years Adam recognized the Sin Prince. Or Princess, or Queen he didn’t know or care. The Baphomets were clearly made from Belphegor’s likeness like humanity was from him and Eve. Long white hair that reached her heels, a beard covering her chin that was scraggly and clearly hadn’t been brushed in a LONG time. She had long ears that reached down past her neck, with four horns-two on each side-that seemingly formed a crown around her, a melting candle on the tip of her head. She wore a lab coat that was messy with stains, dirt, and things he didn't wanna know, her eyes closed as she stroked her chin.
“In the flesh, much like you Adam, mmm.” Belphegor hummed as her hooves scraped against the rock beneath her with slight adjustments, eyes closed yet it felt like they were boring right through Adam’s skull.
“Hmm, Though it is so strange to find the First Man in my realm, it’s not an unwelcome one. How long has it been? One? Two? Three thousand years since our battle that day? I must say you’ve…..changed.” Belphegor yawned, as if already bored of talking.
“Listen, Belphegor, as fun as it would be to not entertain your slow ass, I don’t have time. I got places to be, wives to bang and cook for, and Paradise to enjoy so if you could just scooch out of th-!” Adam’s world suddenly went spinning from the sudden blow, his body shattering a tree on impact.
“Hmm, yes I agree.” Adam groaned in pain, splinters and wood stabbed in his back, as the Sin of Sloth made her way towards the First Man.
“Clearly his Majesty lacks the resolve to finish the job. While it is too much work, taking credit to end the First Man, mmmm.” Adam quickly rolled out of the way as Belphegor’s hooves destroyed the earth beneath her, shaking the Ring itself.
“Is something I can’t pass up, even if it requires work.” Belphegor growled, seemingly glaring down at Adam despite his closed eyelids. The First Man summoned his guitax and swung it at Belphegor, only to hit air. He jumped away again as Belphegor hit the ground again, running away from her hopping ass. However, the Sin appeared in a flash of purple flames, slamming her horns into Adam’s ribs, sending him flying across the dirt. Adam rolled onto his back, spitting out blood before the Sin slammed her hoof on his chest.
“Bitch!!” Adam coughed, glaring up at the Sin.
“Hmm, quite disappointing, you truly are a shell of your former self in both appearance and power……Oh well, not like I wanna drag this out.” Belphegor lifted her hoof higher.
“No!! Wai-!” Adam’s face caved in under Belphegor’s strength, and once again he was dead. The Sin of Sloth lifted her hoof away and stared down at the First Man, neither disdain nor sympathy on her face, only apathy. Before she turned away, her ears picked up a strange gurgle, looking down to see the First Man’s body….dissolve?
“Hmmm, what’s this?” Belphegor hummed, watching as the body slowly morphed into black tar, bubbling away and shrinking or….absorbed? Belphegor has never seen a demon or sinner body do this in all her thousand of years of living so this…..attained her interest. The last thing she saw was a glaring red eye before the body of Adam was gone, leaving the Sin alone. She stared down at her hoof, still red with Adam’s blood, which proved he wasn’t an angel anymore….but he didn’t smell like a sinner. While sinner’s aren’t allowed in the lower rings, she remembered them quite vividly…..she’s thinking too much. Still, going by the reports that a body similar to Adam’s was seen before it disappeared back then into the same black tar she had just seen. Something wasn’t making sense, then again Adam wasn’t supposed to be alive but it seems Lucifer failed despite bragging to the other Sins earlier this week about ending Adam’s ‘tantrums’ as the Sin of Pride loved to call it.
Speaking of him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, dialing his number.
“Suuup~~~~ bitch…..who is this?” The voice of her King, the Fallen Angel Lucifer himself, spoke on the other end.
“Mmm, hello, your Highness, it’s Belphegor.” Leave it to Lucifer to forget it’s her, then again she’s mostly sleeping or tinkering in her labs to be bothered. Her relationship with the King of Hell was…..not on friendly terms, though that can be said for most of the Sins aside from maybe Beelzebub and Asmodeus. She didn’t hate Lucifer, but she didn’t really care for him either. No one could challenge his rule in Hell so what could she do?
“Ah….Bel~~~!!” The thin line of her lips twitched before returning to normal, ignoring her nickname as Lucifer hummed.
“My King, I should inform you of my recent find-!”
“Yeah, yeah that’s nice. That’s great Sweetie. Sorry, I was talking with my Duckie, you were saying Belphegor?”
“.....Mmmm, I was saying.”
“Oh, hold on, that Alastor guy is talk-No ONE CARES!!!” Lucifer yelled to someone on the other end, and Belphegor swore she heard a deer screeching.
“My King, this is very important, I think you should hear about it-!”
“That’s nice, Belphegor, if it’s a new drug I will…..yeah, do whatever you want, I’m pretty busy right now. My baby girl got a new plan to get sinners redeemed. Buh-bye!!”
“My Ki-!” The other end going dead, the Sin of Sloth took a deep breath before hanging up.
“Hmm….oh well, the problem is taken care of. Though I do wonder what Adam was doing here?” Belphegor hummed, turning up to the Ancient Passes. She figured with the way Adam’s trail had gone he was going somewhere in this direction. He must be trying to escape Sloth discreetly….or as discreetly as he could apparently, the dead hellborn can vouch for that.
“Mmm…..perhaps I shall inform Satan of this disco-Oh, time for my annual nap and brainstorming hour.” Belphegor noticed the time, summoning a portal and walking through, leaving the destroyed area in ruin.
(AU)
“......Ow….Ow……...ow.”
“Oh don’t be a baby, you can’t still feel the pain.” Roo cooed, petting Adam’s horn as he laid on his stomach, grumbling.
“She got lucky, I was tired, out of breath.”
“Mmmhmm, yes you were. Still, in your state I doubt you will be ready to face a Sin, no matter how weak they are.” Roo warned. She felt no threat herself, the Sins were nothing to her, but Adam was a different story to them.
“Fucken whatever, I’m not stopping.” Adam growled, pushing himself back up and walking back into the dead forest.
“You know I should be annoyed with how persistent you are trying to get away from me, but I can’t. I find it very hot in fact, straight fire.” Roo moaned, licking her lips.
“That’s not what that means, jeez I am gonna teach you modern lingo at some point.”
“Oh~~ Does that mean your stay-!”
“NO!!!”
“Aw.”
(AU)
Sorry, sorry for the hiatus, had a bit of a brain fart and been busy working, so I took a step back from writing. Lots of stuff been happening, can't promise quick updates right now, but I have been working on ideas for this story and others, especially Hell is Forever. I had half of this chapter ready a couple weeks ago but I was thinking about how I want this fight to happen, how the chapter ends, etc. I figured I'd save most of the fighting next chapter for Adam vs Belphegor. Speaking of, Belphegor makes her full appearance, and it is not based on the Helluva Boss design. I have my reasons when I get to it, but I don't have an exact reference to what I designed her on, just that the Baphomet's are hers so she would be goat related. Well Ram, but whatever. Since she makes drugs she wears a lab coat (Dirty one that has not been washed in a LONG time), and for fun her eyes are constantly closed (For lore reason, but its pretty funny). I'd like to imagine that if she wanted to, Belphegor could put in a lot of effort, she has many ideas....but due to her Sin, she just doesn't care enough to try. Granted, just because she's apathetic doesn't mean you should take her lightly, she's still a Deadly Sin, one of the top (hell)dogs in Damnation. For now, since Adam isn't a complete challenge she's just using her strength and speed to stomp (Literally) him. Also got a little tidbit of Eve, this iteration of her is pretty fun, but you'll see soon.
Speaking of her, so all the Sins have been revealed in the recent Helluva Boss episode......I have....problems with the episode, but for now let's just focus on the Sins. Beelzebub's new clothes are way better than the first one but I get the reason. Leviathan's design is....pretty good, I get the duality of Envy and all that. Satan is pretty much how I imagined his silhouette in the trailer......I still think he should've had the cowboy hat, but that's me. Belphegor.....is my least favorite design between the seven sins, like I don't know it's not what I expected. It's why I'm sticking with this and my version of Leviathan for this story. Also, some of Hazbin Hotel S2 leaked, I haven't checked it all out nor do I wanna aside from a few things: Pentious trial, and Lute's banger song.......These trials suck ass btw. Two problems I had with this: Emily, and the Speaker of God. Emily might probably be the biggest dick rider/carpet muncher I have ever seen in a character....ever. Like no contest, you met the daughter of the devil (The guy that is the reason creation is the way it is) for five minutes and now your ride or die for her because you learned Sinners (People who did horrible things in life and continue to do so without any regulation in Hell) are being killed. Listen, the Exterminations can be considered fucked up with how ruthless Adam and the Exorcist are to the point that they are fucked up (By like Heavenly standards I suppose) but.....so far the there is like a 0.000000001 percent of Sinners that are good (And I'm using that word loosely) and ONE that got redeemed. Fuck there not even good by normal standards, their still fucked up. The morality in HH is severely....severely.....SEVERELY fucked. It's like Bizarro world, and Emily is proof of this. She doesn't even know what Sinners do (Cause we don't see any good ones by normal standards) but because they're being killed, she hates it. I would understand if she's against killing, which I totally get, but she doesn't even seem to care that Adam and many of the Exorcist are dead (Eaten in fact, no doubt). Like what? If she never liked Adam, fine, I don't care, but Jesus the hypocrisy is INSANE. This is show is fucked, the morality is literally damned and it does not have the nuance to point this out.
God apparently exists....and didn't create Adam or Lilith or Eve......yeah I'm gonna move on before I go deeper into insanity. I just have a theory that if Jesus doesn't show up Charlie is gonna be the 'die for your sins' character at the end of the series cause I can see it happening. Anyways I think I'll have like one or two more chapters for the first Sloth arc, a lot of the first Ring arcs is mostly world building/expanding. Afterwards I'm gonna spend the next chapters with Heaven's perspective and entry into Envy.