Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What the fuck are you talking about?.” was the only thing that Jude said after a long minute of being silent. Great, this was already going well then. 

“Just hear me out, okay?.” 

“No. I mean, what the fuck? Did you hit your head or something?.” Jude looked down at Gavi with his eyebrows furrowed as he spoke, “—Soulmates aren’t real.” 

Gavi had half a mind to shove his guy against the wall, injured shoulder and all. It was currently wrapped up in a makeshift brace, the doctors probably waiting for the next day to put the actual one back in. You didn’t need to be a genius to figure out that he was going to need it if he insisted on playing football. Or, at least Gavi could tell just from the way it’d hurt. 

“You’re being difficult on purpose.” Gavi said, not knowing what else to say in a way that didn’t make him seem crazy. What he really wanted to say was, don’t be mean. Just hear me out. 

“How am I being difficult when you’re coming in here talking nonsense?.” Jude responded and to his credit he actually looked frustrated instead of like he was mocking Gavi. 

“If it’s nonsense then how come my shoulder started hurting the moment you got hurt even though nobody had touched me before or during that time?.” he tried to speak matter of factly, so that he wouldn’t freak Jude out even though it didn’t look like it was working. 

Another wave of silence stretched on until Jude finally spoke, “That’s not…..no. No. This isn’t happening. I thought they subbed you off because your ankle hurt.” 

“I was lying, obviously. Didn’t think you’d appreciate everyone knowing my shoulder hurt when you were the one laying down on the floor.” 

That seemed to set Jude off completely, who now more than believing what Gavi was saying, looked more freaked out about the possibility of it being true. Gavi didn't get it. 

“This isn’t happening, okay. Just, no. Go and enjoy the win and don’t fuck with my head.” It didn’t take a lot of strength from Jude after that to get his hand free from Gavi’s grip. Something told him he didn’t have the right—nor the energy—to grab his hand back and stand in front of him and talk until Jude finally believed what he was saying. Yet. 

“Can I ask you for a favour?.” It wasn’t hard to walk up to Kounde after practice and snake his arm around his shoulder, what was hard was figuring out how to ask him the damn question. 

“Hmm? Sure, what is it?.” he beamed at Gavi, who kept his head nestled on Kounde’s shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind the sweat so Gavi didn’t care either. At this point, he preferred cuddling up to the Frenchman if it meant stalling what he actually wanted to ask. 

“Can you give me Jude Bellingham’s number?.” he finally managed to get the words out in what was probably a whisper. Mostly so no one would hear, partially because he was embarrassed. Kounde’s immediate reaction was to quirk up an eyebrow in Gavi’s direction, who rushed to clarify. “I figured you could ask Tchoumeni since you’re close with him.” 

“Oh, don't worry. I have Jude’s number anyway, I don’t need to ask Aurelien.” Kounde softly spoke in response, with the corners of his mouth quirking up in a smile. The casualness of his reply made Gavi grateful enough that he didn’t question why Gavi would possibly need Jude’s number, or let alone want it. 

“Alright, thank you. You’re a lifesaver.” Gavi breathed out, even though he didn’t even know what he’d possibly say once he actually got Jude’s number. Still, it was a much better option than waiting until the next time they saw each other on the pitch or being stuck in his Instagram message requests. 

“Sure, you’re welcome. What are you gonna do with it?.” Kounde asked and it wasn’t hard to notice the smirk threatening to form on his lips. Gavi didn’t know what to say. So, he didn’t, choosing instead to scratch his neck out of embarrassment. Surely, Jude wasn’t going out of his way to get his number. 

“I’ll tell you later one day, maybe. Don’t tell anyone about this, please.” Gavi pleased, mustering the biggest puppy eyes he could manage. 

“Obviously, I won’t tell a soul. Don’t worry, Gavito,” he spoke before ruffling Gavi’s hair, who leaned into the touch despite how much the nickname made him cringe. It didn’t matter that they weren’t the closest in the squad, all of Gavi’s teammates loved to tease him. Kounde himself, had named him as the funniest in the squad because of how easy he was to annoy, so much so that once Gavi turned around and walked away, he immediately pulled out his phone to text somebody with a smile on his face. 

Naturally, Gavi had not texted Jude. Why would he? He had much better things to do than talk to someone who’d pretty much ran away the last time they’d talked. If Jude wasn’t going to cooperate he had no reason to talk to him, at all. Plus, he didn’t want to get blocked. But it was mostly because he had better things to do, such as attending a charity event organised by the King of Spain, or rather his daughter. 

Gavi hadn’t particularly been surprised when he’d gotten the invitation, it wasn’t uncommon to get invited to random events. He just didn’t like going unless he had an obligation to it. In this case, even if he didn’t have an obligation, he wasn’t going to just refuse it considering who he’d been invited by. Besides, as far as he could remember from the invitation letter, the event was based around influential young people in Spain. That didn’t sound too bad, right ?. 

What did sound bad was seeing fucking Jude Bellingham of all people in the corner, absentmindedly poking at a glass of champagne. Gavi was almost grateful for the number of people that were coming up to him to talk so that Jude wouldn’t notice him staring. It made sense for someone like Jude to be here, they were both influential young people after all, weren’t they?. That didn’t mean Gavi had to like it any more than he did. It wasn’t annoying, that Jude was there, But, it was annoying that Gavi wanted to go up and talk to him, even after Jude had basically told him to fuck off during their last interaction. Or rather, how much he wanted Jude to come up and talk to him. 

So, he did the only thing that made sense and ignored him the whole time. 

He made sure to go out of his way to make his presence known, a complete 180 from the way he usually liked to keep a low profile wherever he went outside the pitch. Hell , maybe it wasn’t even about getting Jude’s attention. He looked good in the suit and tie they’d sent him, so he might as well flaunt it. Jude, had been wearing an outfit that looked like it was a suit on steroids, far too flashy for an event like this.Gavi wondered if his stylist had picked the outfit or whether it was his idea. Attention whore. 

It took less time than he’d anticipated for Jude to finally approach him, even though it was in the very corner of the gigantic hall they were in, probably so no one would actually see them. The journalists with their big cameras had left once they’d actually come inside after finishing up the red carpet, thankfully. 

“Hey.” Jude spoke, after he’d been hanging around for a while, as if he was trying to think of a way to get the words out. Gavi only hummed in response, looking directly into his eyes. The eye contact seemed to make Jude nervous exactly the way he’d thought it would. 

“Why are you ignoring me?.” Jude finally spoke again, more firmly this time. It managed to elicit more than a hum from Gavi, making him chuckle instead. 

“Why would we talk? I thought you preferred running away instead of doing that?.” 

“Well, it’s a lot easier when you don’t have me shoved against the wall in a tiny supply closet, isn’t it?.” 

“Sure, what do you have to say to me then?.” Gavi briskly replied, causing Jude to put his hand inside his pockets and lean against the table. 

“Nothing, it’s just odd to claim someone is your soulmate one day then completely ignore them the next, even if you clearly saw them.” Jude spoke with a haughty tone, with his hands still shoved deep inside his pockets. The nonchalance in his attitude only served to piss Gavi off more. 

“How do you know I saw you? Must have missed it. Also if you don’t think it then clearly I have no reason to either. Don’t worry, we’re on the same page now.” 

Somehow, that was the one thing that seemed to tick Jude off. Out of everything in the world, Gavi ignoring him was what finally got him to admit it. 

“What do you mean? You can’t just…you can’t do that.” 

“Doing what? What am I doing?.” Gavi leaned against the table, mimicking Jude’s posture as he stared blankly into his eyes. 

“You know what I mean.” 

“No, I don’t. Use your words.” 

“You’re being mean, Gavi,” 

Oh. Oh. 

“Alright, maybe I am. What are you gonna do about it?.” 

Jude’s hands were balled up in fists now inside his pockets. He managed to quickly grab a small knife from the table before dragging Gavi to the side, in an empty room. Gavi had no idea whether and when anyone would come inside this room but he didn’t particularly care right now. He’d managed to get a reaction—something— out of Jude, who seemed to be acting fully on instinct right now. Once he deemed they were in a safe enough position to not be seen, he slashed the knife across his wrist to reveal….nothing. 

“You’re using a fucking butter knife, you idiot.” Gavi resisted the urge to laugh, something told him Jude wouldn’t appreciate that, if the grunt he’d let out was anything to go by. 

This time, he did seem to have a plan as he slashed his wrist against a lone pin that was on the wall. How nobody had noticed that in this fancy place and how Jude had been insane enough to do that, Gavi didn’t understand. The only thing he did feel was hot searing pain across his wrist as blood oozed from Jude’s wrist. Maybe, Gavi would have had the urge to not react if he’d seen what Jude had done coming, but he hadn’t. So, he’d grabbed at his wrist and hissed loudly in pain, trying to cover his mouth so the sounds wouldn’t escape. Jude looked so smug that it almost made Gavi want to smack him in the face then and there. 

“Glad we’re on the same page then.” was the first thing that Jude said, seemingly unfazed by the blood coming out his wrist. 

“I thought you didn’t believe in soulmates, why did you do that then?.” Gavi spoke calmly, knowing that’d dismantle Jude, and it did . 

“I don’t. I was just trying to prove a point, your point.” Jude said, even though he was back to shuffling around, one hand in his pocket while the one he’d cut laid out in the open. 

“Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better.” 

“This is ridiculous, stop trying to do this. I don’t believe there’s one person you’re just destined to fall in love with and if there is, what makes you think this is going to work?.” Jude spoke frustratingly, pointing between the two of them as he talked. Gavi didn’t need to think twice to understand the underlying meaning of what he meant. 

“Why wouldn’t it work?.” Gavi took a step closer. When Jude moved back, the sharp coldness of the wall hit his back. He switched positions, making Gavi the one whose back was facing the wall before he spoke again. 

“I don’t think you can make me fall in love with you by just spending time with you.” 

“Is that a challenge then?.” Gavi wanted to grab Jude’s wrist and press against it just to have an outlet for how worked up he was feeling. He put his hand on his chest instead. Jude didn’t move it. 

“Maybe.” Jude spoke through gritted teeth, enunciating the word fully and wholeheartedly, as if he didn’t understand the implication of it himself. 

“Game on, then.” Gavi replied, not wanting to let Jude have the last word, before the sound outside made it obvious they couldn’t talk for longer anyway. They both glanced at the clock, realising there was probably chatter outside because the Princess, or someone important was about to give a speech. Neither of them were particularly interested anyway, but Gavi didn’t know how much longer he could stay in that suffocating room, and if the way Jude was fanning his collar was anything to go by, he felt the same. 

Once they were out of the room, Gavi went his way outside while Jude walked towards the bathroom, probably to clean off the mess he’d made. If he wasn’t so stubborn, Gavi had half a mind to follow him and kiss him in that stupid bathroom until their knees felt weak. But, if Jude hadn’t been stubborn, they wouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place. So, he stayed there, eating appetisers and chatting with people until it was finally time to go back. 

jude

hey

so

i'm sorry for acting weird yesterday

i guess

i mean it was weird and impulsive and im sorry so yeah

are you going to reply

i can see you’re seeing the messages btw

gavi

oh wow

didn’t think you would be the first one to text

jude

then who would

you don’t have my number

genius

gavi

right

anyways

are you chickening out lol

how did you get my number anyway

jude

i have sources

you don’t need to worry about that

and nobody’s chickening out

gavi

alright then

 perfect

so i was thinking

10 dates and if you’re not in love with me by then you can happily live your life

jude

????

what

gavi

ah

you’re right

its too less

15 dates then? 

jude

first of all

thats a lot of fucking dates

second of all

i didn’t agree to this

gavi

except you quite literally challenged me

make up your mind bellingham

10 or 15

jude

this is ridiculous 

im telling you im sorry and you’re just ignoring it

gavi

10 or 15 

maybe 20 then? 

jude

TEN

10 is fine thats the perfect amount 

gavi

great. 

see what we can achieve if you cooperate 

jude

fuck off

you’re fucking ridiculous 

this whole thing is weird

gavi

yeah yeah

send me your schedule so i can sort out a date

before i text the work email linked on your instagram

it’s your parent’s right 

they’re your agents

jude

do not do that. 

you’re fucking insane. 

i don’t have a written down schedule fuck off

i’ll. ask my mom and send it to you 

gavi

great 😊

see you soon

Apparently—exactly like Jude had anticipated— Gavi wasn’t planning on going back on this date idea anytime soon, if the way he was standing outside an amusement park, covered head to toe in three layers was anything to go by. Why had he agreed to this again?. Right , it was his damn idea. 

Atleast, Gavi had picked a “date” that didn’t involve just going to a restaurant. Something told Jude he was planning on taking this very seriously. Either way, he was just there for the ride, wasn’t he ?. There was nothing wrong with indulging Gavi on his stupid tirades when he knew they weren’t going to work out anyway. What was wrong was Gavi making him wait outside for 20 minutes. He probably should have given the guy some slack considering he had travelled all the way to Madrid for this stupid thing, but Jude didn’t like waiting. 

Besides, what the hell did Gavi have to do right now that was more important than being here anyway. It was his damn idea. 

He got the answer to that when someone in a large red hoodie and baggy pants tapped him on the shoulder. If the tap hadn’t been enough to startle Jude, the huge cap that Gavi was wearing and the sunglasses that he had on were. Better safe than sorry. Maybe, he shouldn’t have chosen a fucking amusement park if he didn’t want to get recognised then, dumbass . 

“Jeez, no need to look so excited.” Gavi deadpanned the moment Jude looked at him, with an expression on his face that looked like he’d just seen a dead body. Sue him for not appreciating random strangers in oversized clothes approaching him. 

“Why the fuck are we in an amusement park?.” Jude questioned with his hands crossed against his chest. Contrary to Gavi, he was wearing a large purple hoodie with jeans. 

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of a little roller coaster action.” Gavi teased, and Jude really didn’t think it was that funny. Of course, he wasn’t scared of roller coasters. He just couldn’t think of anything more unromantic than being up in the air with someone on a high speed rolling machine. Right . 

“I’ll have you know I actually really love roller coasters and theme parks in general.” Jude responded before starting to walk ahead. Gavi followed him with tickets in his hand that he’d already purchased. 

“I know, I stalked you and saw that you went to Six Flags. Why do you think I chose this place?.” Jude wanted to laugh in his face. It was so comical hearing Gavi say that, that it was almost cute. 

“Seriously? That seems a bit extra, don’t you think?.” The thing he’d been the most nervous about coming on this was that it would be really awkward talking to Gavi as if he were an actual person and not another player on the pitch. So far, he didn’t really know what to think. It wouldn’t get awkward if he didn’t want it to, because Jude was an expert on saying just the things that people wanted to hear. The thing he actually wanted to see was whether he’d feel comfortable without trying, without having to take the extra mile himself. He didn’t really know if he wanted an answer to that question. 

“No, I don’t. If I’m trying to make you fall in love with me, I have to take your interests into consideration, don’t I?. Trust me, it took a lot to stalk a Madritista, so you better be grateful.”  Gavi blinked as he spoke, as if that was the most rational line of thought and not an insane thing to say

“You know, I was under the impression that this was a date, not a social experiment.” Jude teased, finding it easy to do so. 

“And I was under the impression that you didn’t want to go on a date.” Jude tried to will the blush creeping up his face to disappear. It wasn’t a date, it was just a stupid little bet, an ego battle if you will. 

“Shut up, let’s just get on a roller coaster since you’re so eager to please.” Jude said even though he let Gavi lead the way, from inserting the little coins they got in the machine to standing in the line. It was almost hilarious how much he was clearly itching to tell off the people crowding around and causing problems, but couldn’t because they couldn’t risk getting recognised. 

Jude didn’t know what was more stupid of Gavi,  picking an amusement park or picking one in Madrid, where he was arguably more likely to get recognised. Either way, he couldn’t help the little bit of excitement building up when they actually strapped in on the ride. Each row was designed to hold three people, leaving Jude and Gavi sitting next to each other with Jude insisting he take the corner seat while Gavi had the misfortune of sitting next to a teenage girl. It was fine, it would have been fine if the girl sitting next to Gavi didn’t look like she was about to throw up 10 minutes in. 

If Jude didn’t know whether to laugh or be grossed out, seeing the disgusted look on Gavi’s face was enough to make him burst out laughing. It was almost cute how hard he was scrunching up his eyebrows, almost as if that would be enough to make her disappear. It didn’t take a lot of strength from the ride for Gavi to naturally inch close to Jude, atleast his upper body and Jude felt bad enough that he leaned into the touch when Gavi shoved his arm all up in the direction of his face, grabbing his hands instead so that he could wrap one of them around his shoulder. Whatever they were doing probably wasn’t safe, but it was safer than getting puked on by someone whose face was looking suspiciously green now. 

Not that the proximity helped, because she ended up puking on Gavi’s thighs anyway. Jude didn’t bother trying to suppress his laugh. 

“Make sure you clean every single bit of skin down there.” Gavi ordered with glowering eyes, as he leaned against the wall of the empty bathroom. It was one of those disgusting ones with multiple stalls and wads of tissue thrown on the floor, not more disgusting than getting puke on your thighs though. 

“You’re being awfully bossy for someone who just ruined our first date, don’t you think?.“ Gavi grumbled at the poor attempt at a joke, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance at how this whole thing had been ruined. They’d even had to get him replacement shorts from the gift shop, which to nobody’s surprise had nothing to offer except shitty branded merch. Those were his favourite pair of jeans. 

On top of that, it looked like the only thing Jude could do was laugh. Atleast he’d been nice enough to pay for the shorts, even if he’d picked out a hideous colour. He claimed it matched the red of his hoodie perfectly. Gavi thought he looked like a pilates instructor. But then again, Jude had also got down on his knees on the dirty floor and helped clean up the streaks of puke around Gavi’s thighs. He’d insisted on doing the same with his jeans but Gavi didn’t think he liked them enough to go through the hassle of that. 

“Shut up, I wanted to go on the stupid spinning teacup but it’s probably too late now, the park is definitely about to close soon.” Jude stared at Gavi before giggling, as if the idea of them on little spinning teacups as if they were little kids was hilarious. Gavi wanted to smack his head but it had been a ridiculously long day and Jude’s giggles sounded so nice to his ear that in that moment he giggled too, surprising even Jude. 

“You hungry? I wanna get one of those alcoholic lemonades.” Jude spoke, once he was finally done cleaning up. 

Gavi looked at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “Sure, whoever gets there first has to pay for it though.” 

And that was what finally got Jude to return back the glint of excitement in Gavi’s eyes, a challenge.

jude

think you guys will manage 

not absolutely shitting on the field against bayern? 

gavi

oh fuck off

stick to worrying about dortmund

jude

pfttt

i'm just saying

it’d be a lot more impressive than us beating bvb

gavi

could you be any more arrogant

jude

can u blame me 🤷‍

i'm actually excited

if i win you better have a nice date planned

otherwise im not coming

gavi

how cute

baby wants a reward for winning

jude

you are not right in the head bye

gavi

shut up 

i regretted that the moment i sent it

anyways don't worry about that

i have a perfectly nice plan

jude

if you say so

good luck on the field

hope you eat shit

gavi

and i hope one of them actually launches the ball at your dick

“Okay I understand you’re trying to be secretive but did you really have to blindfold me?.” 

“Jude, do you ever just shut up?.” 

Jude didn’t particularly think he was being dramatic by voicing out every thought when he was in fact blindfolded with only the boy that he hadn’t had the best track record with being the one to lead him. Besides, Gavi was the dramatic one between the two of them, thank you very much. After what felt like forever though, Gavi finally stopped and opened Jude’s blindfold only to reveal an old movie theatre. He had no idea where they even were but it was hard to look away from the bright neon signs, especially after having his eyes blindfolded for so long. 

“Is that it?.” Jude said in an unimpressed tone. It was fun seeing the frown lines form on Gavi’s face every time he tried teasing him. 

“Yes, it is. They’re showing reruns of The Godfather, it’s a movie that you like right?.” Gavi spoke with an air of confidence, brushing past whatever teasing Jude was doing. 

“Pftt, you’re gonna have to try harder than that, I’ve seen it about ten times.” And he had been planning on rewatching for the 11th time, but Gavi didn’t have to know that. If the earlier statement hadn’t annoyed him, this one seemed to if the way he rolled his eyes was an indication. 

“Whatever, come on. Let's actually watch it before you start complaining.” he said while pushing Jude lightly. Not the ideal way to start a date but if it meant he got to push Gavi around too, Jude was all for it. 

He didn’t know what he’d imagined when he’d walked in after Gavi grabbed a bucket of popcorn for them, but it hadn’t been seeing only about six other people there apart from them. Not that Jude could blame them, he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen a movie in theatres. It was probably Spiderman during Christmas a few years ago, a movie he’d only gone to watch because his brother had practically begged him to. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they’d be sitting at the very back, in the seats that were at the top. 

If Gavi had been expecting any awkward hand touching action while they ate popcorn out of the same bucket, there wasn’t going to be any because Jude shoved his hands in his pocket the moment he sat down, despite how uncomfortable it was. Not that Gavi seemed to notice, too busy settling down and eating out of the bucket like a chipmunk. Cute. 

“How did you even know I like this movie?.” Jude questioned, something to break the silence. 

“I told you I stalked you, remember? It wasn’t very hard considering you post on Instagram almost everyday.” 

“Wow, sorry some of us have sponsorships instead of only posting on matchdays.” Jude retorted. 

“Hmm, so you stalk me too then. Cute.” Gavi spoke nonchalantly and it was almost embarrassing how the rasp of his voice made Jude’s cheeks heat up. 

“Whatever, just watch the fucking movie. You can ask me if you have any questions.” Jude said and Gavi smiled in a way that let him know immediately he wasn’t going to do any of that. It wasn’t hard to get engaged though once the movie actually started, despite the fact that Gavi’s head kept lolling in Jude’s direction, practically begging to put his head on his shoulder, something Jude would have noticed if he wasn’t contemplating taking his hands out of his pocket and taking a handful of the popcorn that was on Gavi’s lap. The one he’d bought for both of them, but only he was eating. 

Before he could move though, a loud moan erupted from the seat in front of them that was in the closest proximity. It was almost comical how his hand immediately rested on Gavi’s thigh after the first couple of high pitched moans, too stunned to say a word. Gavi was just as shocked as him with his hand over his mouth when they peeped, only to realise that the girl in front was sucking someone’s dick, and the guy in question was making loud noises throughout it. How embarrassing. 

“What the fuck? How is no one else reacting?.” Jude spoke while looking at Gavi with a ludicrous expression on his face. Probably because they were too far apart from them to actually notice. Even then, this seemed pretty on brand considering how ratty and old the theatre they were in was. Jude couldn’t decide between laughing at Gavi’s face at the awful place he’d chosen or doing something, anything , when an idea popped into his head. 

“Look at the way the guy opens his mouth every time he moans, do you want to see if we can throw popcorn in it?.” 

“You’re fucking insane.” Gavi said, returning back the mischievous glint in Jude’s eyes, the movie long forgotten by both of them. Jude aimed first and it hit the back of the guy’s seat, being so far off from his mouth that it was almost comical. 

“Wow, good to know your aim with your hand is just as bad as your shooting skills.” Gavi muttered while grabbing a fistful of popcorn for Jude to grab from and throw before he started doing it himself. 

“Shut up, I scored a brace against your small club with those shooting skills.” 

“You’re not special, Bellingham. I have a brace against your stupid club too.” They kept on bickering until finally , finally Jude managed to get a popcorn kernel into the guy’s mouth, immediately cheering loudly despite his best attempts not to. He’d had to regret it immediately though when the guy started choking before getting the popcorn out of his mouth and looking back at the two of them with a pissed off expression. 

That initial reaction was enough for them to realise that they had to run before the guy ended up coming over to their seats. It didn’t take long because immediately after they went for the exit, he followed after them, the girl running in tow too with the sound of her heels clacking against the floor as she ran. It was the only thing they could hear for a while before the guy’s loud screams echoed through the street. God bless Gavi for at least picking an empty street in the middle of the week to do this stupid idea. 

Once Gavi realised Jude was running much slower than him, with no signs of fastening up his pace, he grabbed his hand before making a run for it. No matter how fast and pissed off the other had been, he definitely wasn’t faster than two professional athletes, even if one of them were considerably slower than the other. They finally stopped to catch their breath once Gavi led them towards an alley, somewhere they hopefully wouldn’t get followed. He didn’t think he ran this much even during games. 

“Fuck, this has to one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on.” Jude said after he was finally done panting, even though he was still holding onto Gavi’s hand tightly. 

“Excuse me? You’re the one that laughed so fucking loudly that the entire theatre turned to look at us.” Gavi spoke with furrowed brows, even though he wasn’t actually mad. It was a little funny, if not for the fact that the date he’d planned had been ruined. 

“I’m just saying, you’re gonna have to try harder than that if you want me to fall in love with you.” Jude said with a teasing glint in his eyes and it was almost embarrassing the overwhelming urge that overtook Gavi to push him against the wall and kiss him. Instead, he pinched his hand tightly before letting go, which elicited a loud whine from Jude. Could this guy get any louder?. 

“Should have played better against Dortmund if you wanted a reward, the coach didn’t even let you play the full 90.” 

“Hey! Atleast I played the full first half and not 20 minutes in the end like you.” 

“Oh fuck off, you know that’s because I just came back from an injury. Atleast we won by dominating instead of somehow getting lucky like you guys.” 

“Excuses, I came back from being injured too.” Jude retorted with his arms crossed across his chest, ignoring the comment about getting lucky but something told Gavi exactly how full of shit he thought it was. 

“Ah, you’re right, my bad. Atleast I only injured my knee as opposed to carrying around a fucked up shoulder, knee and an ankle. Right?.” Gavi spoke, causing Jude to giggle in an almost morbid way. 

“You’re funny. All I’m saying is try harder and maybe then you can actually dream about having me wrapped around your fingers.” Jude said, enunciating each word as he pointed a finger at Gavi’s chest. The last thing Gavi planned on doing was letting him have the upper hand.

When he’d first insisted on doing this chasing game with Jude, the last thing that had been on Gavi’s mind was seeing how their schedules would or wouldn’t mix. Right now, it was the only thing on his mind considering how hectic they’d gotten. Somehow, he hadn’t factored in how different everything would be once he actually went back to playing regularly, too eager to play to actually care. It was almost jarring, the difference between his schedule while he was doing rehab compared to his schedule now that he was back to playing. He couldn’t say he was about to complain anytime soon, this was familiar to him after all. Playing was what he was supposed to do and the months he’d been out were an anomaly, a blip in what would hopefully be something that’d only be in the past. 

If Gavi hadn’t hated Madrid before he sure did even more now because of how much their schedules clashed, Barca playing the day before while Madrid played afterwards. Sometimes, it did manage to work itself out though with Jude having to fly to Barcelona for a game before Gavi had a game at home. That was how they’d ended up in a skating rink, with Jude looking thoroughly displeased. It was almost adorable how much he looked like a petulant child with his arms crossed. Atleast, Gavi had had the sense this time to book out the whole place for them under an alias. If the owners suspected anything, the extra money he’d paid had shut them right up. 

“Why the hell are we here? Is this really your idea of a date?.” Jude complained after he’d decided he was done giving Gavi the stink eye. The tip of his nose was pink in a way that made Gavi want to touch it, just to see what it’d feel like. 

“Yes, it’s actually a very common date idea. Stop being a baby.” Gavi teased even though anyone could tell why Jude was complaining. He still wanted to hear him say it, for him to admit that he needed Gavi’s help in doing something. 

“You’re awful. Isn’t it obvious I can’t skate?.” Jude pouted. He actually pouted . If Gavi didn’t already know he was going to complain to hell and back if he laughed, he’d have done so in Jude’s face. Jude Bellingham pouting and admitting with pink lips and somehow an even pinker nose that he can’t skate, to his direct rival at that. How the mighty had fallen. 

“So what? I know how to do it.” he said before putting out his hand for Jude to hold onto. He was wearing purple mittens, contrary to Gavi’s blue and red Barca themed ones. If he could get something in Barca colours, there were no reasons for him not to. 

“Fuck you, seriously.” Jude gritted, reluctantly putting his hand in Gavi’s grip. The touch seemed to soothe him even though he’d never admit it, his shoulders relaxing immediately as they touched. 

“You should be thankful I gave you the benefit of the doubt and thought your poor coordination skills only extended to the field.” Gavi understood why Jude seemed to like teasing him as much as he did. It was just more fun when he got to be the one to do it instead. 

“Shut up, shut up. Don’t fucking talk. You’re gonna let go of my hand.” Jude spoke with his eyes fixated on their bulky skating shoes. Gavi didn’t have the self control to not burst out into giggles. 

“Relax, even kids can do this. It’s like learning how to ride a bike.” he tried to comfort. 

“I never learned how.” Jude admitted, his cheeks somehow getting redder. It was hard to tell whether it was because of the cold or the embarrassment creeping up. 

“Shut up, no way. You just went straight to driving then?.” A beat of silence followed as Jude continued staring at the floor, seemingly more interested in the marks on the ice left by their shoes than Gavi’s question. 

“I don’t know how to drive.” This time, Gavi didn’t even think twice before laughing out loud. The fact that it was so obvious that Jude wanted to bury his face in his hands made him laugh harder. There had been so many jokes about Gavi not having a licence but atleast he’d been working on getting it the whole time, he’d just needed to pass the actual physical test. And here Jude was, not even knowing how to do that. 

“Who drives you then? Don’t tell me you’ve been coming to these dates on a cab. Fuck, even I have a license now and I’m younger than you.” 

“Shut up. You’re such a fucking gloating asshole.” Jude tried detaching his hands from Gavi’s hands before quickly realising that he couldn’t stand on his feet by himself. The mini heart attack that Gavi got for the millisecond that he’d let go was enough to make him stop laughing. 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry. I won’t laugh, I’m actually asking.” he tried to placate, chuckling when the crease on Jude’s forehead went away. 

“My mom used to drive me until last season. I kinda begged her to go back this year cause she pampers me too much. My friends drive me now though whenever they can. But yes, I took a fucking cab, don’t you dare laugh.” Jude gritted, trying his best to keep an intimidating look on his face. Gavi thought it was cute. 

“Ah, you know you could have just asked me to pick you up right?.” he tried, tightening his grip on Jude’s hands when it felt like he was about to slip. The thick material of the gloves was making it kind of uncomfortable to keep holding hands for so long, so Gavi decided to put his hand on Jude’s waist instead, pulling him closer. The touch made him recoil at first before he hesitantly leaned into it when he realised he couldn’t do it himself. 

“Oh, didn’t know that was an option.” Jude admitted, and it felt surprisingly earnest. 

Now that they were closer together, it was easier to see Jude’s long eyelashes and the way his eyes widened everytime Gavi took a particularly sharp turn. He didn’t think they’d been this close before. “Well, of course it is. We’re on a date aren’t we?.” 

Jude didn’t say anything, looking up at the walls of the skating rink this time. 

“Can I ask you a question?.” Gavi asked, partially to break the silence but mostly because he was actually curious. 

“Sure.” Jude lowered his gaze to look him in the eyes this time. 

“Last time we met, you said that was the worst date you’ve ever been on. What was the best date you’ve ever been on?.” Another wave of silence passed, Jude taking way too long to answer before he finally spoke up. 

“Can’t remember to be honest, too many to count, no?.” he said, licking his lips subconsciously as he spoke. Bullshit. 

“I don’t believe that for a second. Don’t worry, you can tell me. It must have been before we met anyway.” He knew the implication that Jude would stop now that he’d met him was too big of an assumption to make, but he did it anyway. Something told him Jude liked it when he was assertive, whether he knew it or not. 

“I’m not worried, it’s not like I’m scared of you. I just can’t remember. Do you?.” It was obvious he was trying to divert the topic, but there was a curiosity in the last part that made Gavi pleased. 

“Yeah, I guess. Tried getting my mind over the injury in the summer. I wasn’t exactly expecting you to show up, was I?. Either way it didn’t work, didn’t really care enough to want to see him over and over again after that.” If Jude noticed the implication that Gavi wanted to see him over and over again, he didn’t point it out. It wasn’t like he was being subtle about it anyway. 

“Hmm, never been on a date.” he’d said that last part under his breath. The only reason Gavi had even managed to catch it was because of how close they were. Oh. He didn’t know what to say, but he tried his hardest to suppress the initial bit of shock that was followed by numerous questions. Why wouldn’t he if he didn’t believe in soulmates? Gavi did, with every inch of his heart and he’d still gone. 

“Oh, hope I can make the remaining seven dates worth it then.” he’d said and it’d set off Jude so hard that in the span of two minutes, he’d managed to trip over his own feet while trying to think of a response and take Gavi down with him. He’d immediately touched his shoulder and Gavi found himself cringing at that, because he’d touched his knee scar first thing after falling down too. It had taken one look at each other’s faces for them to burst into laughter. 

Jude looked like he wanted to ask something before Gavi helped him down, but didn’t end up doing so in the end. This time, Gavi insisted on dropping Jude off at his hotel instead of letting him take a cab.

gavi

how are you in barcelona already

your schedule is awful do you know that

not that i'm complaining

jude

???

how did you know

you’re really scary you know that right?

gavi

obviously 

it wasn’t that hard honestly 

it was lunch break and kounde who’d run into mapi 

who’d been talking to aitana told him that aitana has 

an event for this EAFC thing

so he told me

jude

and i'm on the cover so go figure

wow hats off sherlock

gavi

i know you’re being sarcastic but thank you actually

jude

so you’ve been talking to kounde about me then?

do you know then

gavi

know what

jude

ah so you don’t know

nvm

forget that delete delete erase

lets focus on whatever you were saying before

gavi

i actually despise you

you know i can just ask him right

jude

NO

please no

i’ll tell you when we meet

gavi

aw you already know that's what i was gonna say

good boy

jude

right

don’t call me that

weirdo

anyways yeah

you can come over to my hotel

if you want

gavi

as a date? 

but i can’t plan anything fun at a hotel

jude

it can just be

a non date then

don’t tell anyone this okay

gavi

did you kill somebody

jude

no shut up

im kind of nervous about this event

my stomach’s doing somersaults

gavi

you??? 

i don’t believe that for a second

but alright

i’ll pull something off

jude

🙂 how kind

grand hotel 5th floor room no #506

“Do you always have to find the wackiest things to do during these?.” Jude questioned while biting at the corner of his bottom lip. He was wearing a low cut tank top and shorts that accentuated his thigh perfectly. 

“First of all, swimming is a perfectly normal date thing to do. Second of all, you tell me what’s better to do at a hotel then, unless you wanna do karaoke.” Gavi said, swiftly taking off the shirt he was wearing. He’d decided on wearing casual clothes too once he’d realised Jude wasn’t about to step out of this hotel before the next day. 

“No, thank you. And for your sake let’s not call it a date, you can do so much better.” Jude sassed, taking off his shirt and slowly dipping his toes into the cold water. 

“How kind, you know you could just say you want to spend more time with me instead of doing all this right?.” Instead of slowly dipping into the pool like Jude, Gavi opted to dive right in, getting his hair all wet and drippy while Jude watched from the sides, staring at him with his legs outstretched. Gavi tried not to think about how it’d feel digging his fingernails into his thighs. 

“I think you’re spending so much time with me that the arrogance has started to seep through, it’s not a good look.” Jude said, still not coming over towards the deeper end of the water, preferring to stay on the shallow side instead. It was laughable how obvious what he was doing was. 

“You don’t know how to swim do you?.” Gavi teasingly asked, trying to keep any semblance of condensation out of his tone. He couldn’t lie and say it didn’t make him feel good when he could do more things than Jude, when he had to be the one to guide him and teach him what to do. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re really fucking annoying?.” was the only thing that Jude said, as if it wasn’t obvious enough that he didn’t know how to do it. 

“Has anyone ever told you that it’s nice to have a few life skills apart from football? I mean fuck, do you know how to do anything at all?.” Gavi had meant for that to be teasing and it was, but Jude’s only response was to be childish and splash water at him, from far away obviously. 

“Honestly, if you’re just gonna insult me the whole time I can just go back, you piece of shit.” Baby. 

Gavi floated over to the shallow end of the pool and held his hand out. He tried again when Jude didn’t immediately offer his, “Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t be mean again. I could teach you like the other day if you feel comfortable, it wasn’t going half bad until you tripped, you know.” 

Jude’s immediate instinct was to roll his eyes but he seemed a lot more willing to come into the water once Gavi softened his gaze at him. After that, it was only a matter of time before Gavi’s hand ended up on Jude’s waist. He was starting to like the way the curve of Jude’s waist fit perfectly in his hands, he hoped Jude liked it too if the way he leaned into his touch everytime meant anything. It was cute how nervous he was when he didn’t know how to do something, as if the urge to be the best at something ate away at him everytime he wasn’t. But it was cuter how his brows furrowed in concentration everytime when he tried twice as hard. 

The water hadn’t seemed that cold to Gavi when he’d first gotten in, but Jude was practically shivering with his bottom lip jutting out. 

“You know, I know you’re embarrassed but I kinda like this.” Gavi said as he used his free hand to gently caress the slope of Jude’s shoulder. It was almost outrageous how broad they were.

“Like what?.” Jude looked up at Gavi through his eyelashes, looking away from the water he’d been focusing so hard on. Everytime he focused on something, he bit the corner of his bottom lip. It was driving Gavi crazy. 

“I don’t know, just the fact that I have to teach you things because you don’t know how to do most of them.” he let out a chuckle as he spoke. The frown lines on Jude’s forehead were back but his face was still carefree. 

“You make me sound like a fucking bum. I know how to do my laundry and make coffee.” Jude declared, as if that was supposed to make him sound better. 

“The fact that you think that’s a good standard to live upto tells me everything I need to know.” Gavi spoke with his mouth quirking up in a teasing smile as he gripped Jude’s shoulder tightly with his hand when they stepped into the deeper end. Thank god, Jude had been paranoid enough to lock the doors. He was pretty sure they didn’t have cameras in there either considering it was a private pool. 

“I bet I’m far more experienced than you in other things though.” Jude spoke after a while, almost surprising Gavi. It took a lot of strength to keep looking into his eyes after that. Luckily, Gavi didn’t like being the one to look away first. 

“Yeah, like what?.” he pushed, hoping eventually Jude would break. It didn’t take as long as he’d thought it would. 

“Maybe by the eighth date you can find out if you keep this up.” Jude replied, pulling back the strand of hair stuck to Gavi’s forehead. Somehow, the non answer only made Gavi more worked up. 

“That’s no fun, you can’t tell me you’re honestly scared of telling me now after all that.” Gavi pushed again, tightening his grip around Jude’s waist as he spoke. That seemed to finally do the trick as Jude inched closer. 

“Bet you’ve never fingered someone in a pool before.” Oh. It took a lot of strength for him not to make a sound out loud as he responded. His head was spinning and he couldn’t tell whether he liked it or not. 

“I thought you didn’t know how to swim.” 

“Well, jacuzzis count as pools right?.” 

“Barely.” 

“Or maybe, just maybe I’m saying that I’d like to, Gavi.” he sounded almost frustrated as he spoke, even though the only one holding back from the first day had been Jude himself. Something told him that no matter how much Jude wanted to kiss him after that, he wanted Gavi to take the lead, to know that it was alright to do and maybe because he didn’t want to be the one to do it first. Gavi didn’t care, as long as it meant he got to kiss Jude.

gavi

do you wanna meet up 

jude

hmm

i dont know

do you

gavi

why else would i ask

weirdo

jude

shouldn’t we talk about something before we meet

gavi

hmm?

the kiss?

jude

yes the kiss

gavi

what about it

we kissed

jude

right

calm it with the defensive energy first of all

im just saying

this doesn’t mean anything 

hope you know that

like im not suddenly in love with you

gavi

maybe calm it with the passive energy first

are u honestly

chickening out because we kissed

jude

no

im just making things clear

so you don’t get the wrong idea

gavi

lol

i knew you were gonna get weird

you kissed back by the way

atleast own up to it instead of shutting off

because you can't handle it or whatever 

jude

that’s not the point i’m making

chill out

i'm just saying

stop acting like my girlfriend 

gavi

i literally didn’t even say anything afterwards

this is the first time we’re talking 

you’re a loser honestly 

message received 👍

Coming to a Barca game in a disguise right before they had an important match to play was probably one of the most impulsive things Jude had ever done in his life, but it wasn’t like he was alone. Aurelien had been the one to suggest it anyway when he’d blurted out how Gavi hadn’t been talking to him for a week now. Atleast their disguises were good enough and Kounde had hooked them up with good seats, both for watching the game and going unnoticed. Not that Jude could actually focus on the game once he saw Gavi though. 

He had realised from the moment he’d come up with this stupid plan that the only way he could approach Gavi and not get killed for it would be after the match, even if that meant sitting through the Barcelona frontline scoring six goals. Seriously , when had they gotten so damn good?. All it had taken was a proper coach and they were back to looking threatening. Jude hated it, even if the way Gavi was beaming at finally getting to play on the daily again was obvious, even as an audience member. He hadn’t managed to score but he was everywhere, lifting off a lot of the defensive duties from the team’s shoulders. It was almost palpable how much the home crowd loved him, screaming his name in unison when he got subbed off. Even the coach held on for longer while hugging him. It made Jude smile a little, despite how hard he was trying not to. 

Tracking down Gavi hadn’t been hard at all, he’d even googled the stadium layout before tagging along. The intimidating part was getting him to listen to him without looking like an idiot. But, Jude had already come this far and leaving without talking to him would be far more idiotic. Once he saw Gavi approaching the entrance he pushed out his hand to drag him inside the little supply closet. There had to be better places to meet up inside a stadium, but for now Jude was just grateful none of Gavi’s teammates were surrounding him. 

“What the fuck?.” Gavi exhaled out loud immediately after seeing Jude with his eyes widening in surprise

“Relax, it’s just me.” Jude tried to placate him, scratching his neck in embarrassment after letting go of Gavi’s hand. It took exactly one minute for Gavi to size him up and down before he set his mind on what he wanted to do. 

A slap. Ouch. 

Jude couldn’t think of anything else to do other than gasping out loud, his hand immediately flying over to his now red cheek. Gavi’s own lips were slightly quivering. 

“You have some audacity showing up here.” he finally spoke. 

“Oh, what so it’s only alright for you to drag me inside closets? I came here to talk, by the way.” 

“What could you possibly have to say? I thought you didn’t want me to act like your girlfriend.” Gavi crossed his arms, trying to create as much distance between them as possible. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I acted like that.” Jude admitted, hoping the sincerity in his voice would help his case. As much as he’d never admit it, he’d started looking forward to these little dates, if not for Gavi’s presence but for how much creativity and effort he was putting into them. It was…. nice . Kissing him was nice. 

“No, you do. I need you to say it.” Gavi challenged. 

“I chickened out.” 

“You were being an asshole. I didn’t even say anything before you already tried to ruin it.” his arms were by his side again now, the sweat from playing making the kit stick to his chest. 

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. It just felt like things were moving too fast when I thought about it afterwards.” 

“Why are you here then?.” Gavi spoke with his eyebrow raised, like Jude’s answer would dictate the way this went going forward, whether he’d talk to him again or not. 

“Because I didn’t hate it.” Jude found himself admitting, unable to take his gaze away from Gavi’s. 

“Good. That’s all I needed to hear. For the record, it’s not like I’m in love with you either. Just because I believe in this thing more than you, doesn’t mean I’m a fucking idiot.” his eyes were softer now even though there was a hint of hostility there, like he didn’t fully trust Jude but was willing to take the leap of faith anyway. 

“Right, I don’t think you are. I just kind of freaked out because I didn’t expect to kiss you and like it as much as I did.” That seemed to finally remove the hostility from Gavi’s demeanour. 

“You’re such a fucking bum. If you liked it so much, you can do it again as long as you never act like that again.” Gavi spoke and even though there was no bite to his voice, his eyes still held a fiery expression to them. 

“Don’t worry, we made a bet right? I have to honour my end of the bargain too.” Jude said and it was almost awkward how palpable the tension in the room was, like they both wanted to just make the first move and kiss, Jude probably more than Gavi. 

“By the way, how the fuck did you manage to get tickets? I swear they always sell out so quickly.” Gavi broke the silence once he realised Jude wasn’t gonna say anything further, his head too busy elsewhere. 

“Ah, that. Maybe ask Kounde who gave me your number.” Jude teased, revelling in the way Gavi’s eyes widened at that.

“What?.” 

“You’ll see, it’s not my secret to tell.” It was adorable how expressive Gavi was because he immediately frowned at that, trying to put two and two together before Jude interrupted again. 

“By the way, does this mean I can kiss you right now?.” 

Gavi’s frown melted at that as he inched closer, wrapping one of his hands around Jude’s neck while the other stayed on his chest. Jude braced himself for the kiss that never came, when Gavi opted instead to pinch his nipple and twist it. 

“Not so soon, at least try and work for it if you enjoyed it that much,” 

The only thing that made Gavi understand that something was off was when Jude didn’t respond at all, letting out a sharp exhale instead at the way Gavi’s hand tightened around his neck as he spoke, almost as if he was choking him. “—Wait, did you enjoy that?.” 

Another sharp exhale before Jude breathed out, “Fuck off. You are seriously so fucking annoying.” 

That made Gavi giggle before he got up on his tiptoes for a quick kiss, wanting to leave Jude begging for more. And just like that, he was out of the congested little space they’d found themselves in, the only thing he could hear before he left being Jude’s loud cursing. 

If there was one thing Gavi had learnt throughout this whole thing, was that he loved planning things out. He’d never particularly been the super uptight type either, but it was nice getting to be the one who did things rather than the one who was always told what to do and go along with the plan, what with being the youngest of his family and all. It especially helped considering the fact that Jude was extremely aloof. If everyone thought Gavi was bad with his untied shoelaces and loud screams, Jude was somehow way worse with equal amounts of lack of self preservation. 

What he’d learned however, was that Jude liked going to museums. Apparently it was something that he used to do with his family back in Birmingham, followed by visits to donut shops and playing football in the park with his brother. As it turned out, he was also quite smart, detailing out all the paintings and artefacts that they saw to Gavi. Or, so he’d thought until he’d realised Jude had just been reading out loud the descriptions they left in English for the tourists. 

They’d gone on a pottery date after that, and Gavi had spent the whole time making Bluagrana themed plates while Jude tried to one up him before realising there wasn’t much he could do with white when he didn’t know how to draw the Madrid logo. He’d ended up googling it and still ended up with an ugly plate. That left them with 5 more dates to go. 

Another thing that Gavi had only come to find out in the last two dates was that Jude was very clingy and touchy once he got a little bit comfortable with someone. It felt like it was something that he himself didn’t realise, but now that they’d broken the barrier and kissed each other, it seemed like he couldn’t get enough. The more Gavi resisted, the more it motivated him to try harder and the more eager to please he got. In the end, Gavi had managed to give in every single time, ending up kissing in hidden alleyways more times than he’d care to admit. And that was just in two dates. 

Currently, he was in Madrid but they hadn’t made any plans on meeting up. Gavi was preparing for their upcoming match against Getafe whereas Jude had said he was busy with training and his shoots. It didn’t make sense to meet up for just an hour anyway so they’d planned to meet once Jude was done playing the derby scheduled later down the week. 

Or, so he’d thought until he’d walked into a general store close to their hotel and saw Jude right across the aisle gawking at the section of beauty products. He’d just finished training and wanted to get a quick snack. The trainers had insisted on getting him one themselves so he wouldn’t have to go out but Gavi didn’t mind, he enjoyed the walk back and forth. The last person he’d expected to see though was Jude. Once Gavi realised that there weren’t any bodyguards occupying him he made his way over and tapped him on the shoulder. 

Jude, being the stupid drama queen that he was, almost dropped the little tube he was holding before Gavi caught it and put it back on the shelf. 

“What are we buying today?.” he teased, unable to hold back his giggles at the shocked look in Jude’s eyes. He was wearing an oversized purple hoodie that Gavi had seen him wear way too many times. 

“Where the fuck did you come from? I mean seriously, how?.” The panic in Jude’s eyes went away once Gabi fully started laughing at his reaction. They were lucky the cashier hadn’t noticed them yet because the store was busy. 

“I should be asking you that, how did you even get here?.” Gavi’s eyes trailed down to the TikTok that was open on Jude’s phone, that he’d paused to look for whatever he was buying, before he shoved his phone in his pocket and his hands with them. 

“Don’t be rude, I walked. It’s not that far from the training centre and I needed to get a couple of things.” 

“Ah, what a coincidence. I wanted to get a snack too and it’s not that far from my hotel so here we are.” 

“Wow, must be the soulmate intuition.” Jude tried to joke and Gavi immediately rolled his eyes before punching him on the shoulder. 

“You’re not funny. Anyways, what are you buying?.” Gavi peered at the shelf in front of them while leaning his head on Jude’s shoulder. Jude slightly stiffened, probably because of the fact that they were in public, but no one was looking at them anyway so he relaxed and leaned into the touch after a while. 

“Skincare products, this moisturiser and serum thing I saw on TikTok. I’m not sure if I’m getting the correct one though.” Jude explained before taking his phone out and showing Gavi the screenshot. 

“I could help you, my mom and sister used to always take me shopping and wait while they bought makeup and stuff like this. How do you pronounce this brand though?.” Gavi intensely stared at the English words written on the screen, almost as if that would make him be able to say it. It made Jude crack up from the side before he spoke, finally managing to form a coherent sentence after he was done giggling. 

“La Roche-Posay, it's supposed to be good apparently.” he said, pronouncing it in the thickest French accent he could manage. That paired with his Birmingham accent made Gavi hide his mouth in Jude’s shoulder so his loud laughs wouldn’t be heard. 

After that, they’d decided the best thing to do was text Aurora and hound her with questions on whether this product really was the best or whether TikTok had been lying to Jude. It was only after she’d confirmed it was good that Jude decided they could move on and buy Gavi’s snacks. Even if that hadn’t been his plan at first, he’d made Gavi wait around for so long that it seemed only fair. Besides, if he was casually buying skincare from a general store, it wasn’t as if he had anything better to do. 

“What snacks should I get?.” Gavi aske while Jude was peering up from his shoulder this time, despite the fact that he was a head taller. 

“I don’t know, I don’t eat snacks.” Jude blurted out quickly, his cheeks turning slightly pink when Gavi glared at him. 

“That’s not what I asked, I asked what I should get. Don’t be a bore.” Gavi said before flicking the tip of Jude’s nose with his finger and going back to staring at his options. 

“Just get some trail mix or something.” he muttered before going back to hiding his face in Gavi’s shoulder. It was almost comical paired with how hard he was trying to keep his knees lowered so he could reach his shoulder. Drama queen. 

“You’re no fun. I’m gonna get whatever I want.” he declared before grabbing a random assortment of chips and a few packets of popcorn. Something told him Fermin would start whining if he saw him coming back with nothing for him so it was safer to do it anyway. Jude watched like a child in a candy shop before it was finally time to pay. They made sure to use self checkout so it’d be less of a hassle before they went outside, trying to find a hidden spot where they could sit without anyone seeing. In the end, they settled on the bleachers of what looked like an abandoned park. Or, maybe it was just getting late and neither of them had realised. 

“Can you hold up my phone for me? I wanna try putting this on my face and see how it feels.” Jude took out the serum he’d bought before shoving his phone into Gavi’s hand. 

“Or, here’s a better idea. I can just put it on for you, you idiot.” Gavi said in between chuckles. 

“Oh, yeah. That works too.” Jude replied, looking embarrassed for some reason. Gavi opened the serum, reading the instructions on the back that were thankfully in Spanish before he put some on his hand and started applying it slowly on Jude’s face. He’d probably shaved before this, which made it far more pleasant of an experience than Gavi had anticipated for it to be. It didn’t take long for Jude to lean into the touch either, clearly enjoying being pampered a lot more than he’d thought he would. 

“How does that feel?.” Gavi asked, once he was finally done melting all of the product into Jude’s skin. 

“Amazing, very soothing. Keep doing it.” His eyes were still closed, as if he hadn’t even realised Gavi was done. It made him giggle as he pressed the palm of his hand against Jude’s cheek. 

“I meant the product, dummy.” 

“Oh, it’s nice. It has a cooling effect.” he said before he stretched his hands out to yawn before resting his head on Gavi’s shoulder and staring ahead wordlessly. Gavi reached out to ruffle his hair before taking out one of the chips and opening it up. 

For some reason, as he opened the bag of chips, he felt a pit of dread pool into his stomach, almost feeling more and more suffocating as the seconds passed. He couldn’t figure out why. When he offered the chips to Jude, he hastily declined before going back to hiding his face in Gavi’s shoulder. The comfortable silence that they’d built up before felt a little deafening now, as if it’d somehow turned heavy as the minutes had passed. 

“Are you okay?.” he asked before he could decide whether that was an appropriate thing to ask. It wasn’t as if there was anything wrong with the question but something told him Jude wouldn’t react well to it. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?.” Jude responded, even though it couldn’t be any less convincing if he tried. 

“Nothing, I don’t know. I just started feeling really queasy out of nowhere.” Gavi said, not finding any reason to not be honest. 

Jude sat up straight at that and gave him a look like a wounded animal. The thing he said next surprised Gavi more, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise.” Gavi blinked at that, confused what he was even referring to before he settled. So, Jude wasn’t that daft after all. 

“Can I ask you something?.” Gavi muttered before he could dwell on it and regret it. 

“Sure.” 

“How can you understand that I can feel the things you do and still not believe in soulmates?.” It made his stomach churn the way Jude avoided his gaze after that question, but Gavi didn’t care. He’d never been the type to back down from asking hard questions or answering them, it didn’t look like Jude could say the same. 

“I don’t want to answer that. I just don’t, it’s simple really.” Jude said, clearly taking the easy way out even though it looked like he had a lot more he wanted to say just dangling off the top of his tongue. 

“Except it doesn’t really look all that simple for you.” Gavi pushed, even though the tightness in his stomach had travelled all the way up to his chest now. 

“Can you just drop it?.” Jude pleaded, sounding an awful mix of desperate and frustrated that Gavi didn’t think he wanted to hear ever again. Despite that, he kept pushing. 

“You felt it when I tore my knee didn’t you?. I’m just confused why you’d rather ignore that and act like it doesn’t exist when accepting it makes everything so much more clearer and easier.” he said, like he was finally getting out all the words he’d been holding in. 

“Easier for you. Just drop it, Gavi.” Now, that actually confused Gavi. How the hell was he supposed to understand this boy when he wouldn’t tell him anything and opt instead to run away everytime Gavi asked a hard question?. Ignoring things the way Jude did wouldn’t make the tightness in Gavi’s chest go away, did it?. He’d still feel a vague semblance to everything Jude was feeling. 

“Why wouldn’t it be easy for you? What makes it so hard?.” He hadn’t meant for that to come out as much of a plea as it had. 

“Because it means you feel everything that I do and that’s scary.” Jude finally looked up at him as he spoke and the intensity of his gaze made Gavi want to back down. It felt like he wanted to say something out loud so desperately, but didn’t know how to. Gavi didn’t know he wanted to force it out anyway. 

“I don't—Okay, I don’t think I understand yet. But it’s fine, it's alright. We have five dates left after all, don’t we?.” The implication of how he’d feel if Jude didn’t feel different after those five dates left unsaid. Gavi didn’t want to think about it anyway. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Jude said while still staring intently down at the ground, but atleast he was back to leaning on Gavi’s shoulder. He shuffled around for a few minutes, trying to get comfortable before he spoke again. 

“Can you pass me one of the popcorn packets?.” For some reason, it made Gavi smile. Jude started munching on his popcorn while Gavi continued digging into his bag of chips before he got a call from Fermin and realised just how long he’d been out. They didn’t stay for long after that, Jude calling a taxi and being on his way out before Gavi started going back to the hotel too. 

jude

what do you do if you get like

super anxious before a match

gavi

hmm?

idk i usually feel fine once i get on the pitch

even if im super nervous before

jude

no no stop you don’t get it

that's like the lame pr answer

i need a real answer

gavi

??

whats wrong

jude

i don’t know

i can't breathe

gavi

oh

oh fuck okay

where are you?

dont you have a match in like an hour

jude

yes

that’s the problem

i locked myself in the bathroom don’t worry

gavi

okay okay

can you ask a teammate or someone to help?

jude

no no

i don’t wanna do that 

gavi

agh okay

im gonna call you

jude

i don’t know if i can do that either

gavi

you don’t have to do or say anything 

i can just talk 

until you feel better atleast 

does that sound okay? 

jude

hmm

yeah okay

“Hey.” Gavi started even though he wasn’t expecting an answer, not now at least when he could still hear Jude’s heavy breathing from the other side. It was almost erratic, as if he’d been trying his best to make it stop but couldn’t; didn’t know how to. “—Can you try to follow what I do and count down with me?.” 

There was no indication from Jude’s side that he was following along apart from a barely there grunt that Gavi had only managed to catch because he was holding the phone so close to his ear. He started counting down backwards, hoping that would make Jude find some semblance of stability. He tried not to let the frustration he was feeling bleed out, when even after the third time Jude’s breathing was still erratic. There was a knot in his chest that he couldn’t quite explain. 

“This isn’t working.” Jude finally broke his silence, but the rawness of his voice didn’t give Gavi any of the usual comfort that it did. He racked his brain thinking of what else he could do, before settling on the things they’d been taught by a kind older man during one of the workshops back at the academy. The last person he’d expected to be using them on was Jude. 

“Okay, sorry. You’re right. Can you try this thing with me? It’ll work but you have to go along with me okay?. I need you to try your best to respond.” 

“Hmm.” Jude didn’t say anything further before Gavi started giving him instructions. He was sitting on the foot of his bed in a rather uncomfortable position. 

“Can you look around and try and tell me five things you can see?.” He heard a light scoff from the other side, as if Jude had already heard this routine before and if he had, he didn’t approve of it. 

“—This is stupid. Bathroom tiles, they’re white. Or, beige I think, I’m not sure. There’s a tissue dispenser but it’s empty. There’s marbled designs on the tiles and the door is blue. Is that enough?.” Even though his breathing was still concerning, he was speaking a lot more clearly now. Gavi was just glad he was talking at all. 

“Yes, it’s good. You’re doing great, don’t worry. How about four things you can feel?.” 

Jude let out another grunt like he really really didn’t want to answer this question. “Like feelings?. It’s really cold here, I think everyone’s downstairs so it’s kind of abandoned right now. That’s why I came here. I don’t know what else I’m feeling,” he spoke and the finality of it made Gavi realise he wasn’t going to get another word out of him about this, so he moved onto the next one. 

“Don’t stress, you’re being very good right now. Wanna tell me three things you can hear?.” 

“I think, or I hope at least that it’s just me in here. I can hear the window rattle a bit if I focus and the sound of the fan. There’s also this mosquito buzzing next to me.” Gavi involuntarily let out a light giggle as Jude finished talking. Despite the fact that Jude’s voice sounded almost normal right now, Gavi’s chest was still acting in a way that scared him. 

“Okay that’s good, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste then.” he urged him to continue even though the heavy breathing had evened out now. 

“The scent dispenser probably, smells like lavender. It’s kind of nauseating actually and my own perfume, that’s it.” He’d somehow managed to come back into the centre of the bed from the edge of it without even realising, laying his head down on the pillow now to get comfortable. 

“How about the last one? You’re done with it after you say that one.” 

“I don’t know. Bile.” Jude said, letting out a sharp exhale immediately afterwards as if he regretted it. Gavi couldn’t understand why. 

“Oh, that’s odd. You should have a protein shake before you go out into the pitch. I think you have about forty minutes so it should be fine.” Gavi tried to placate, eliciting only a soft hum from Jude. 

“Hmm, sure. I have one of those carbohydrate gels with me, it’s fine.” he responded before the line went silent again, like he’d zoned out without even realising it. 

“Can I ask you another question then, this one’s all me?.” 

“Hmm, sure?.” 

“How’s the grass there? You went down to check, right?.” Jude went quiet for a second, realising the absurdity of the question before he burst out laughing, stifling the sound of it by putting one hand over his mouth. 

“Green? I don’t know, it didn’t rain today so it should be fine right? It didn’t feel like I was going to slip.” 

“You’re going to slip anyway with your bad coordination, don’t worry about that.” 

“I hate you.” Jude said, but there was no bite to his words. The pain in Gavi’s chest had turned from feeling debilitating to something more manageable, more like an annoyance that was always there. It bugged him. 

“Are you in the starting lineup then?.” he questioned. 

“Yeah, it’s the derby. Plus, the coach barely ever rotates.” The other line went quiet for a bit but Gavi didn’t have to say anything out loud for Jude to know the unasked question that must have been at the tip of his tongue. Why are you having a panic attack if you’re starting?. 

“Right, you should probably go now then. They’ve probably already started looking for you.” Gavi said, but only for the sake of it. For some reason, he didn’t want to let Jude go right now. 

“Are you gonna watch?.” Jude said and the sincerity of the question made his heart skip a beat. The good kind this time, not the kind that hurt like before. 

“Do you want me to watch you? You’d have to pay me a million dollars to sit through 90 minutes and then some of the boring football you people play.” he tried to joke but he didn’t think he hit all the right notes. What he was really  asking was, do you want my attention?. 

“Yes, I want you to watch. And how about I just repay you with a date instead? Been a while since we had one of those.” There was a lightness to his voice that calmed Gavi’s uneasy nerves. He didn’t think watching him play was going to help keep it that way. 

“Sure, I’ll plan something cool and let you know. Also, good luck out there Jude. Take care.” If you’d told Gavi a year ago that he’d be here wishing a Madritista good luck before a match, especially one like this where them losing would only benefit him, he’d have scoffed, considering it an outrageous accusation even. But somewhere along the line, he’d grown to care about this idiot’s wellbeing. He didn’t know how to feel about that but he did know he never wanted to hear Jude sound like that again. 

The thumping of his chest was back again once Jude went out into the field, coming in and out of motion until the next day, when it finally stopped in the morning. 

“Is it absolutely necessary for you to be so close to me while we do this?.” Gavi groaned, even though there was no bite to his words. The room he’d rented out was air conditioned to the max, and yet he was sweating. It probably had less to do with the temperature and more to do with the fact that Jude was inches away from his face, while he whispered in Gavi’s ear with his hands guiding him every step of the way. It was torture. 

“Yes, it’s the only way you can learn.” Jude giggled as he talked, like he didn’t really regret being so close at all, “Besides, this is the only time where I’ve known how to do something and you haven’t so I’m gonna savour it.”

In hindsight, maybe putting together a pottery date and renting the whole studio out so that it’d be just them wasn’t the brightest idea when Gavi did not in fact know how to do anything related to pottery. But he’d googled, and that would have to do for now. He hadn’t even entertained the idea of going to an actual class with a trained professional once he’d realised pretty quickly that Jude absolutely did not feel comfortable being out in public where he could be seen, especially if he’d thought he was relaxing only to later find videos of him online. Or, maybe he was being the sane one here and Gavi was being way bolder than he needed to. 

Either way, they’d ended up here and it hadn’t taken Jude longer than 10 minutes to figure out that Gavi had no idea what he was doing. It’d taken him even less to roll his sleeves up and stand behind him so that he could guide his hands while Gavi made a little mug, or whatever the hell he was gonna end up with. 

“Are you sure you’re not completely clueless? This really isn’t that hard.” It looked like Jude couldn’t stop giggling today. It felt…nice to see him be so up in spirits after the last time they’d spoken, even if there was an uneasy feeling underneath Gavi’s skin, like an itch begging to be scratched. 

“Yes, I’m not a complete idiot like you. I spoke to the owner a little bit before I booked this.” 

“Hmm, if you say so. As long as your mug doesn’t come out completely awful.” 

“Where did you learn how to do this anyway?.” Gavi questioned curiously while Jude was gripping his hands tightly  so that the clay would shape itself the way they wanted it to. It was hard trying to focus on his response when Jude’s arms were right in front of him. The guy was practically fondling his waist, for fuck’s sake. 

“My parents used to sign us up for the most random things and see what would stick. My brother hated it but I thought it was kind of relaxing after like the first two classes so I just kept going back before I got too busy with football.” Cute, there was nothing that Gavi would have liked focusing on more than baby Jude going to pottery classes and making ugly vases, if their hands weren’t touching in a way that made his skin feel like it was on fire. 

“Cute.” Gavi mindlessly said, just so he’d have something to fill the air with. He wasn’t particularly keen on boosting Jude’s ego up even more by making it obvious how flustered he was.

“You know, you don’t have to be so flustered just because you’re bad at this.” What a fucking idiot. Gavi wasn’t getting flustered because he was bad at pottery, he was flustered because he wanted to fuck Jude. 

“I’m not flustered, fuck off.” he said even though he wasn’t sure it had the intended effect with the way he was talking. 

If Jude hadn’t been aware of the impact he was having on Gavi before, he definitely was now, because soon enough he was leaning towards his back and whispering something in his ear. Before Gavi could even catch what he’d said, he had the audacity to bite down lightly on his ear. All the blood felt like it was rushing to his face at that moment. Yeah, he didn’t think he cared what Jude was saying at that moment anyway. 

He wanted nothing more in that moment than to kiss him. So he pulled his hands away from the spinning wheel, which were still engulfed by Jude’s larger hands and put them up in the air so that he could easily kiss Jude without them getting in the way. 

“—Hey hey, not so fast. What do you think you’re doing?.” Gavi didn’t think the urge to punch away the teasing look on Jude’s face was going to ever go away no matter how much time they spent together. 

“What? Don’t you want this?.” he asked, trying his level best to make his voice sound pleading exactly in the way he knew drove Jude crazy. 

“Well, yes. But last I checked we had a mug we were working on, weren’t we? This was your idea anyway, it’d be stupid not to finish it.” 

“—I hate you, you’re such a fucking boner killer. This mug better turn out pretty.” 

“That depends on what you do, don’t blame the messenger.” Jude’s smile somehow grew bigger, not even trying to hide how thoroughly he was enjoying this. This guy was going to be the end of him. 

Jude had in fact been hellbent on not getting out of there until they’d actually managed to make a pottery piece, something about getting Gavi’s money worth. They’d ended with a cute little misshapen mug. Gavi would have been offended by the way Jude had laughed out loud after seeing it, if he hadn’t been the one who had practically taken over once Gavi had declared that he was tired. He’d even roped Gavi into not painting it blue and red, saying it was only fair for the way Gavi had done his best to bother him afterwards by tickling him. 

Before they knew it, they were back out on the street with their hoodies up. After the first couple of dates, they’d gotten better at the disguises, even if they were absolutely ridiculous half the time. 

“Do you want to get a snack? I’m tired after all that work.” 

“Yeah? I’m the one who did all the work man, how can you be tired?.” Jude nervously laughed, for some reason. 

“Exactly, you deserve a snack and I do too. Glad we’re on the same page then.” The pottery studio had been located in a busy street, and now that they were walking away from it they’d been walking around aimlessly for a few minutes now. Neither of them seemed to mind it however. 

“I’m not sure if I want one, I think I might have a better idea.” Jude was practically buzzing in the spot as he spoke, his feet tapping against the pavement in rigorous motions. Before Gavi could even say anything, he opened up Google Maps on his phone and grabbed his hand to start dragging him somewhere. 

The next thing Gavi knew, he was inside of a shoddy karaoke room with a large TV in front of him while Jude watched him on with a big smile on his face. He was muttering something about how this place belonged to a friend of a friend so he’d managed to get him to get it open even though they usually opened later at night, more suited for the night time partying scene. Gavi couldn’t understand half the things he was saying considering the rapid pace he was going at, the peanuts he was picking at were much more interesting anyway. 

“This sounds fun and all but I’m not sure how this is supposed to solve the snack issue. I can’t survive off of peanuts.” 

“No, but you can get drunk with me instead.” Ah, so that had been the better idea he was referring to. 

“You’re an awful influence, I hope you know that.” Gavi stated, even though he was sitting down to analyse the different kinds of bottles that were tucked in into the little cart in front of them, filled with light snacks and alcohol. 

“Well, it is 5 pm in Madrid, isn’t it?.” Jude shrugged as if that was the only justification he had before he sat next to Gavi analysing the bottles with him, their thighs practically squished together despite the amount of space that was left on the coach. Jude’s thighs felt like a pillow against his skin, so Gavi wasn’t about to complain. He’d been analysing the alcohol bottles by turning them over and over again and reading them through, until he finally felt satisfied when Gavi interrupted him. What Jude’s metric for deeming the alcohol acceptable was, Gavi didn’t know. 

“Are you just gonna stare at those or actually start drinking?.” Gavi teased while rubbing their shoulders together, which didn’t take much effort at all considering how close they were sitting together. 

Apparently, Jude had decided to take that as a challenge because soon enough he was chugging one of the bottles like it was nothing, while telling Gavi to pick a song that they could sing together. It was almost comical the face Jude made after he was done chugging, the bitter alcohol clearly hurting his throat. Regardless, he kept hurrying Gavi to pick a song while drinking more. They settled on a Spanish song, Gavi more so considering how much he wanted to see Jude absolutely butcher it. 

“You’re so mean for picking something you know I’ll sing horribly.” Jude pouted, with his head now resting on Gavi’s shoulder and his arms wrapped around his waist as they swung back and forth. Gavi’s head was lightly spinning even though he hadn’t drunk anything at all. He hadn’t expected Jude to be drinking as much as he was either but it didn’t seem necessary to stop him. 

“You’ll sing horribly no matter what I pick, you can’t sing. Remember?.” That made Jude giggle and the sound of it was so sweet Gavi was almost willing to ignore his odd behaviour. It felt like he was trying to force himself to act a certain way instead of letting himself be. 

Even though, Jude was an absolutely horrible singer, it hadn’t been too bad because it hadn’t even taken more than three songs for them to end up with their hands all over each other. There was almost a desperation in the way Jude was offering himself up to him, as if he wanted to be touched on every single corner of his body that Gavi didn’t know what to make of. It should have drove him crazy, the way Jude slammed him up against the couch, should have. Except he just kind of felt his skin crawl, and he couldn’t figure out why. 

“Hey, slow down.” Gavi voiced out loud , even though normally he loved the fast pace, preferred it even. This one felt a little different though. Instead of being passionate, like it had been before, Jude’s movements felt kind of erratic instead—like he wasn’t in control. 

It was when he slid his hand underneath Gavi’s shirt while desperately gasping for air in the middle of kisses when he finally pulled away. 

“—What?.” Jude’s confused reply came almost immediately. For some reason, he’d been sweating a lot more than even Gavi was, despite being in the same room. He gulped while biting the corner of his bottom lip, waiting for Gavi to say something. 

“Do you even want to kiss me right now?.” he tried his best to not sound condescending, not knowing how to approach the topic, or what he even was approaching. 

“Obviously, why else would I kiss you?.” His frustration was so palpable that it was almost making Gavi uncomfortable. But the hammering in his chest had been a lot more uncomfortable. 

“You’re being weird, too erratic. Like you’re trying to act too happy.” That seemed to frustrate Jude to the point his hands were no longer wrapped around Gavi’s neck and were back to being on his lap now. 

“What—I don't get it. What is the problem here?.” 

“Don't get frustrated. I’m not trying to attack you. Just be normal, be yourself. You’re just acting kind of manic, is all.” Gavi wanted to put his hand on Jude’s back and caress it just to show that he was on his side. He didn’t know whether he was allowed to, but he did it anyway, only relaxing when Jude leaned into the touch. 

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Jude said while staring down at his neatly tied shoelaces, looking like he had a lot to say but no way to say it. 

“Do you actually want to be kissing me right now, then?.” Gavi tried again, hoping his hand on Jude’s back would let him know that there really wasn’t a wrong answer. 

“No.” he admitted, while looking like he was about to belch. “—It’s not personal, okay?.” 

“Obviously, don’t worry. What do you want to do then?.” Gavi asked, not really expecting a proper answer anyway. Now that Jude looked much less erratic, it didn’t feel like he was trying to get a raging bull to calm down anymore. 

“Throw up.” 

“Oh? Do you need a bathroom? Fuck, I should have stopped you from drinking that much.” Gavi had gone from just keeping a hand on Jude’s back to actively caressing it. It seemed to be making him feel better if the way he was curling up into a ball was any indication. 

“No, no no—that’s not what. Nevermind, can we listen to some music or something? Maybe you can sing along? Whatever you like.” his head was now back resting on Gavi’s shoulder. He’d come to realise after spending the last few months with him that despite their height difference, Jude seemed to like making himself appear smaller whenever he was in the mood for it, and that included hiding his face into Gavi’s shoulder as much as possible. 

“Okay, do you like Oasis?.” Jude rolled his eyes as that, even though there was more of a hint of fondness in them rather than actual annoyance before he started chuckling. 

“Oasis? Didn’t know I was talking to my mom there.” he joked, eyes widening slightly when Gavi pulled away to go play the song before he was back to burying his face in his shoulder when he came back. Gavi ruffled his hair even though their closeness made it difficult for him to do anything, let alone sing. Not that he cared about that much, not when Jude was holding onto him with no sign of letting go.

He started singing along to the song, even though his Andalusian accent definitely made every word he was singing sound so much thicker. It seemed to do the trick because it was making Jude laugh as he started singing along too, the words much clearer on his tongue than Gavi’s. 

Once they were done, Gavi leaned down himself to pull him into a kiss, much more gentle this time. Jude seemed to be enjoying it a lot more, letting out pleased sounds despite his best efforts. 

“Can I ask you about something?.” Gavi spoke in the middle of kisses, wanting to be as gentle as possible. Jude was looking up at him with his big brown doe eyes in a way that made his heart squeeze, no matter the intention behind them. 

“What is it? You’re being cryptic.” he said, looking straight into Gavi’s eyes. 

“Nothing, just. We never talked about the phone call that day.” 

“Oh, I didn’t think there was much to talk about. I just got anxious, that’s all.” Even though he was practically boring jokes into Gavi’s eyes two seconds ago, he was back to staring down at his shoelaces now. 

“Hmm, I’m not asking you to go into detail. I’m just asking like…does it happen a lot or what?.” Gavi felt like he was approaching a wounded animal that didn’t want to be talked down to, like he couldn’t quite figure out why there was such an itch under Jude’s skin. 

“I guess, it’s not that often though. That’s why I texted you cause I didn’t know how to deal with it after so long.” Clearly, Gavi had brought up something he didn’t want to be talking about because Jude had turned to fidgeting around in his seat, trying to get comfortable until Gavi eventually pulled him in closer. 

“Oh, well I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me then. It kinda feels like you spent the whole day trying to convince me you’re alright.” he hoped it sounded casual enough and not like an accusation. Jude stirred in his position but he didn’t move. That was a win, atleast. 

“I was having a panic attack the first time we met too, at the award show.” Jude suddenly blurted out, back to looking into Gavi’s eyes. 

“Oh…..that explains a lot actually. I felt like I was choking that day.” he explained, missing the way Jude’s breathing stopped for a second at that before he let out an exhale. 

“Oh, right. Right.” he said, as if he was trying to collect his thoughts. “—Well, don’t worry now. I’m alright and I talked to one of the staff after that. I just kinda got into my head cause I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my season so far has been kinda shit.” 

“Well, I think you’ve been pretty good. Plus your position and role this season is different, that doesn’t mean you’re a shit player.” Gavi stated, probably way more passionate than he should have been while defending a Madrid player. 

“Right, I’ll trust you. Seriously, don’t worry. I just kinda….get like this sometimes. We all do, right?.” he said, like he wanted the reassurance more for himself rather than actually hearing what Gavi had to say. 

“Yeah, I’m glad you feel like you can talk to me though.” 

“Well, I don’t know if I’d have been able to play that day if you hadn’t calmed me down so I should be grateful to you really.” he admitted while lightly scratching his neck in embarrassment. Gavi leaned in closer with a smile to kiss him on the forehead. 

“Gav, do you watch all my games then? You said all that stuff about my role this season.” Jude spoke with a smile, much more lighter and natural now than the one that’d been there when he was getting drunk. The sudden callout or rather realisation that he did in fact watch all of Jude’s games had blood rushing to Gavi’s cheeks, so he chose to kiss Jude on the mouth instead of replying. 

“—So, now you want to kiss me. I see how it is.” Jude spoke in the middle of giggles even though he was kissing back, his hands making their way towards Gavi’s back to scratch it up and down. 

gavi

okay im outside your door come out

jude

excuse me??

wait what day is it

like whats the date today

gavi

???? 

its a saturday 

did you forget we had plans

jude

oh fuck

fuckkkkk 

im so sorry

i didn’t forget i just

didn’t realise it was today

gavi

🙂

well im not flying all the way back to barcelona 

jude

NO

you can’t come up

gavi

why not. 

im gonna start honking outside your house

jude

i look like a mess

my house is a mess

gavi

?? 

as if i care pls

did you just wake up

jude

no no ive been up since 10 am

but i’ve been in bed all day

okay i know this sounds bad but im exhausted honestly

had this stupid adidas event

i'm sorry i forgot

gavi

okay stop apologising

if u wanna make it up then just let me in 

did u even eat anything

jude

nope

been in bed watching star wars

gavi

oh my god

its 5 pm you NERD

i’ll come up we can get takeout

jude

absolutely not

gavi

why not

jude

too stressful 

and i’ll get scolded by the nutritionist 

gavi

jesus fine 

i’ll cook then

jude

just come up we’ll see later 🙂

“Okay, why the hell are you dressed this well?.” Jude practically whined immediately after opening the door before dragging Gavi inside, who couldn’t help but giggle at the pout that had made it’s way onto Jude’s lips. 

“As if you don’t normally dress fancier than this when we go out.” he joked before looking around taking the details of Jude’s house in. He’d never actually been inside here, nor had he expected to so soon. 

Usually, Jude would tell him to park near his house and then walk the way to the car to be picked up, something about needing to be discreet so they wouldn’t accidentally be seen by paparazzi. The only thing Gavi had to do was drive, so he didn’t care. It wasn’t even his own car, it was the car that Jude had been given by the club but obviously couldn’t drive. He’d given Gavi a spare key to it after he’d started picking him up. Really, it was outrageous for someone who couldn’t drive to have an extra BMW laying around so at least this way Jude could get some use out of it. 

“I tried to clean the house but I don’t know if I did a very good job at it.” Jude admitted while sheepishly scratching his neck out of embarrassment. He was sitting on the kitchen countertop in his favourite oversized purple hoodie.

The countertop was the only thing that looked remotely clean. Out of the corner of his eye, Gavi could see the fridge covered in magnets and messily placed sticky notes while the living room walls were covered with old English movie posters that Gavi didn’t recognise. There was a trophy cabinet underneath it that looked carefully arranged with a layer of dust sitting on top and the plants that were supposed to brighten up the space had died—probably hadn’t even been watered in ages. 

“I thought you had a cleaning lady? What happened to that?.” Gavi asked while aimlessly looking around before joining Jude on the countertop. 

“I gave the whole staff a week-long vacation. Kinda just wanted to be alone without so many people buzzing around.” Jude admitted before unconsciously laying his head on Gavi’s shoulder. There was an almost softness present in his movements that made Gavi want to hug him and not let go until his arms felt dead. 

“Hmm, hope your kitchen is well stocked then at least.” Gavi said before getting down to go raid his fridge before Jude blocked his way, making the most movement he’d made the whole day and grabbing his wrist again. 

“Not so fast, listen if you’re gonna be here all day I’m gonna need you to change first cause your outfit is making me feel underdressed.” 

“And whose clothes am I supposed to wear? If you want to see me naked you could just say that.” Gavi teased before Jude started dragging him towards his bedroom. He tried not to stare at the way his grey sweatpants were hugging his ass and focus instead on the way his bedroom looked. 

“You’re so damn dramatic, unlike you my clothes aren’t all Madrid themed that you can’t wear them.” Jude stated before walking over to his closet and examining his clothes while Gavi stayed behind with his hand inching towards his waist. 

“Why do you have so many grandpa hats? They’re even arranged in a box.” Gavi giggled from behind, taking the opportunity to hug Jude’s waist as the taller boy leaned into it, looking offended at his statement before throwing an oversized red hoodie and black shorts at him. 

“They’re not grandpa hats, don’t be fucking rude and go change.” 

“Some of these clothes are nice. You’d look pretty in them.” Gavi stated, ignoring Jude’s pleas to go change in favour of rummaging through his closet. There were a lot of sheer tops with linen print and flowery shirts in them. That paired with the tight pants he had in there along with the rest of his training gear and hoodies only made one logical thought appear in Gavi’s head. 

“You have to let me dress you up one day.” he stated with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“So that you can make me look like a white boy? No thank you, turn around.” Jude said and before Gavi could even say anything he was taking off his shirt in favour of putting the hoodie on him, muttering something about doing it himself since Gavi wasn’t budging. 

“No, it’s so I can see how your thighs look in those black pants.” Gavi said, trying to rile Jude up so he wouldn’t be able to tell how much him taking off his clothes was flustering him. 

“Shut up, go put those pants on yourself.” Jude replied while rolling his eyes, before launching himself at his bed, face down while Gavi changed into the pants he’d given him. Despite how flustered he’d been feeling seconds ago, Gavi didn’t think twice before launching himself on top of Jude while pushing the hoodie out of his face and tucking it behind his ear. 

“Tired?.” 

“Hmm.” Jude chuckled from under him before pushing Gavi over and moving so that they were facing each other instead, his hands naturally gravitating towards Gavi’s waist. 

“Probably because you’ve been rotting in bed all day. Come on, I told you I’ll cook for you right?.” Gavi didn’t wait long to see the look on Jude’s face before getting out of bed and dragging him with him to check what he had inside the fridge. Jude followed him around wordlessly, tightly gripping his hand so that he wouldn’t let go. 

He hadn’t been paying attention at all when Gavi gasped after seeing the fridge, presumably at the empty contents of it, “How am I supposed to cook anything? You only have leftovers and unnecessary stuff.” 

Jude took a peek because surely he was being dramatic before realising that he in fact wasn’t, “I don’t know, I usually eat whatever the club gives me. We can go grocery shopping if you want.” 

“Gosh, you’re such a baby.” Gavi sighed while shaking his head in displeasure before he made up his mind that they would go grocery shopping. Jude had half a mind to complain but he knew it wouldn’t work from the determined look on Gavi’s face, and it was better than ordering online. 

They were off before Jude could even say anything, Gavi insisting he put a massive scarf on him before wearing sunglasses himself. The grocery store wasn’t far away from where he lived but he’d never been there alone. Usually, his mom would make sure that he had everything he needed and after she stopped living with him, he had staff in place to make sure he wouldn’t have any problems. 

“What do you plan on making anyway?.” Jude asked once Gavi started rummaging through the frozen food section to decide on what protein and vegetables he was going to get. 

“Whatever you want, it’s for you anyway.” he absentmindedly replied, not looking at Jude who’d been given the responsibility of pushing the cart while Gavi chose what  to get.

“Soup? Chicken noodle soup, but you have to follow a recipe though. Like you have to promise me you’ll fully follow the recipe I give you.” Jude said looking at him with big eyes and his forehead scrunched up with wrinkles. 

“—Okay? Sure, I can do that. You’ll have to help me out with the ingredients then.” Gavi replied while offering his pinky in Jude’s direction as a way to fulfil his “promise”. 

Jude pulled out his phone after that, zooming in on all the ingredients he needed while Gavi pushed the cart around this time. He looked around while Jude carefully double checked each ingredient turning them to the back until he was finally satisfied with everything he had. 

“All done,” he said with his hands on his hips, looking proud. It made Gavi want to pinch his cheeks, he smiled at him instead before dragging the cart and Jude along with it to another corner. 

“Do you want to get any snacks while we’re here? Your fridge is like fully empty.” Gavi offhandedly said before scanning the aisle full of chips and biscuit packets in front of him. For some reason Jude went fully quiet before inching closer to him from the back and resting his head on Gavi’s shoulder, all while chewing his lips almost violently. 

“No, I don’t. Can we get out of here? This is kind of stressing me out.” he admitted, looking like he really didn’t want to say that outloud. Gavi blinked twice, caught off guard by the sudden vulnerability before he smiled at him, fixing Jude’s scarf just so he’d have something to do. 

“Sure, I’m sorry I didn’t realise.” He had, because he didn’t even need to feel Jude’s emotions to see the wave of anxiety radiating off of him. But, it didn’t make sense to be so anxious while shopping for groceries so he’d ignored it and alluded it to Jude being exhausted instead. 

Either way, it didn’t take long after that for them to go back to the apartment, Jude walking behind Gavi and looking like he was dragging his feet the whole way. 

Somehow, Jude had ended up behind Gavi again—hugging his waist from the back—despite his insistence on staying next to him and giving him instructions while he cooked. If Gavi was getting annoyed by his constant nagging on how to do a certain step and his want to double check everything, he didn’t show it. Instead, listening intently to Jude’s incoherent rambling on why he absolutely needed to use one chicken breast instead of two and following it thoroughly. They’d been cooking for so long that the sun had set by the time they were done. The question of whether he wanted to stay the night or not was dancing on Jude’s tongue, but he didn’t want to be the one to say it out loud. He wanted Gavi to end up lingering long enough that by the time the thought of leaving occurred to him, it’d be too late. 

“Are you just gonna sit and watch me eat or something?.” Jude said, trying to make it sound casual even though his nervous chuckle probably gave him away. 

“Don’t be silly, I’m obviously gonna eat with you too.” Gavi stated as if it was obvious, before he took a seat next to Jude. 

Jude didn’t think twice once Gavi sat down next to him before shoving a spoonful of soup into his mouth, not wanting to get any suspicious stares, failing to take into account just how hot it was, “—Ow, ow. Hot.” 

Gavi stared at him for a second, like he didn’t really know whether he should have laughed first or rushed to help before deciding on the latter option, instructing Jude to open his mouth wide before he started blowing on it. Jude made an unintelligible noise, trying to fight the wide smile forming on his face as Gavi continued blowing inside his mouth, looking like an idiot. 

“You could have at least waited until I swallowed before doing that.” he giggled while going back to stirring his soup until it was cold enough to properly eat. 

“Well, you could have waited until it wasn’t steaming hot before you started eating, you dumbass.” Gavi rolled his eyes, before taking his own spoon upto his mouth and blowing on it and offering it to Jude, even though he had his own bowl himself. 

“Eat this, it should be good enough.” he instructed, the spoon hovering in front of Jude’s mouth. 

“You know I have my own bowl right?.” Jude joked even though he still did as he was told anyway, letting out a light hum once the broth hit his throat to let Gavi know that he liked it. 

“Good boy. You know you talk too much for someone who needs to be babied all the time, right?.” 

Jude cleared his throat, almost choking on the spoon before Gavi took it out, “Shut up. And it tastes good, just like my mom’s.” 

“Well, you did micromanage me the whole time.” Gavi joked before he went back to blowing on spoonfuls of the soup from Jude’s bowl and offering it to him until Jude finally declared that he could do it himself. He cursed under his breath a little that he couldn’t fan his now red cheeks without making it too obvious to Gavi that he was blushing. Thankfully, he was more focused on eating and praising his own cooking skills now that Jude didn’t have to be worried about how he acted. 

Before he knew it, he’d somehow managed to eat the whole bowl and Gavi was getting up to go put the dishes in the sink, muttering something about how Jude needed to wash them and empty the dishwasher. He hadn’t been paying attention because he’d been too busy biting at his nails, shaping them up before he finally approached Gavi, pulling him closer to him towards his chair. 

“You wanna watch Star Wars with me? I was kind of in the middle of watching one of the movies before you came in.” What he really meant to say was, will you please stay the night with me? And the next morning, however long you want to stay. 

“Hmm, sure. I didn’t really expect you to be into Star Wars, to be honest. You’ll have to explain it to me.” It felt like a weight had been lifted off of Jude’s shoulder at his answer. If he was agreeing to watch a movie with him at fucking 10 pm at night, then he definitely didn’t have any plans to go back home. 

“Obviously, I will.” Jude clung to Gavi’s hand, gearing himself up to get away and drag him to his room quickly so that they could get in bed already before the overwhelming urge to do what he’d been wanting to do all day hit him and he hugged Gavi tightly instead, who made a choked noise clearly not expecting the sudden hug. He didn’t mind though, if the way he melted into it was anything to go by. 

“You okay…?.” Gavi asked, almost sounding out of breath even though they weren’t doing anything but hugging. 

“Yeah, yeah don’t worry. Just wanted to do that all day. Thank you for like…not getting annoyed by me and stuff.” Jude admitted, getting the words out of his throat before it felt like he was going to back out. Clearly, Gavi couldn’t tell why he was suddenly being so raw considering the slight confusion in his face, but he didn’t say anything. 

Instead he brought his hand upto Jude’s face, caressing his cheek lightly before leaning in for a kiss and muttering an “ obviously ” under his breath, as if it made sense that the only thing he wanted to do during the weekend was to take care of Jude when he was clearly too out of it to do it himself. 

It’s in the afternoon when Gavi decides that he’s overstayed his welcome, finally deciding to leave and go back to his life until the next time they meet. Jude didn’t have the heart to tell him to stay, knowing he had things to do anyway, even if he’d been spending so much time around Gavi lately that the other boy had managed to seep into his life in a way he’d never thought possible. 

And it’s also in the afternoon when he realises just how much. 

He’d only realised it was around 5 pm because of the way the light coming out of the windows had gone from piercing into his eyes to something far more comfortable. Gavi had woken up before Jude, which wasn’t surprising because he’d also been the first one to fall asleep ; in Jude’s arms. He’d also been the one that had insisted on washing the dishes and making breakfast before Jude even got up, something about following an oatmeal recipe he’d seen stuck to the fridge. Jude made a mental reminder to take some of those down before realising that, maybe this—trusting someone enough to let them cook for him—wasn’t so bad for him. He hadn’t even realised when it had happened, just that it had. 

And just like that, they’d spent the entire day lounging around before Gavi was on his way back. Jude had rummaged through the clothes—his clothes— that Gavi had been wearing, almost hoping he’d accidentally left something of his behind. But he hadn’t. He’d left behind Jude in his day-old hoodie and sweatpants, the dishwasher emptied out and the dead plants thrown out; somehow still feeling like he was too small to truly ever fit in the huge house that never quite managed to feel like home. In hindsight, he should have known the dreadful feeling that he didn’t feel like he belonged in his body would hit him in full force the moment he’d be alone, the past few days had been gearing up for it too. But, he’d done everything to make sure he could delay the feeling, and yet it had come. 

In the end, the only indication that someone apart from him had been here at all was the dip in the mattress beside him and the burning of his thigh—begging to be noticed—until he finally rushed to the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the sink and blinking away in hopes that what he was seeing would go away. But it didn’t, no matter how much he rubbed at it. Was Gavi feeling the same way? Could he even tell that Jude had scrubbed at it until his skin had felt raw, too raw to actually touch anymore. What would he even do if he could tell, if it had happened while he was here? Would he have kissed it until Jude felt like he was worthy enough of having it be there in the first place?. Had he even gotten his own? 

When he looked down the only thing he could see was the inside of his thigh, rubbed red and looking raw to the touch while black ink peeked from underneath it. The ink underlined a mixture of yellow and pink, a beautiful flower if Jude could look at it in an unbiased way. He’d googled what it meant after he’d realised it wasn’t going to go away, because what the fuck was he supposed to do?. He’d known soulmate tattoos were a little bit corny, but he hadn’t realised how literal they would be, before he’d gotten his own. 

Gladiolus , the birth flower of people born in August. It symbolised strength and love, because of course it did. That hadn’t been what had caught Jude’s eye though. The description had mentioned how the vibrant colour of the flower provided a much needed splash of colour at the end of the long summer season. Jude didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that moment at how obvious it was. Because really, what did Gavi mean to him if not for being the light in a tunnel when he felt like no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get out of his own head. And now, he’d even managed to have proof of it etched into his skin. 

He’d tried to reason with himself that maybe it wasn’t about Gavi but who else would it be about?. He wanted to text him—only because he couldn’t actually see him at the moment —and ask whether he’d gotten one too. He also wanted to block him and never speak to him again. 

When Jude was young, or atleast young enough to still need to study instead of relying on being a footballer, he’d gotten this question on a test that had made him completely blank out. His first instinct had been to reach for the protein bar in his bag before realising that it wasn’t his brain shutting down on him, but rather that the question was too difficult for him to think about. It was English class, one of the only classes he actually liked too. Describe what it means to be scared without using the word ‘fear’. 

How was he supposed to do that without revealing too much, without such a big mess that someone needed to intervene?. 

Fear was sitting in those classes knowing that he was bang average at everything he did, except for football. Fear was sitting in those very classes, wondering why his vision wouldn’t clear up no matter how much he blinked his eyes, until it eventually carried onto his football practices—the one thing he was supposed to be good at, the only thing— when he finally realised that he had a problem on his hands. Fear was never being able to properly look into his little brother's eyes because he was scared he’d leak like a broken faucet at the very first sign of familiarity, that he’d reveal himself to be someone his baby brother couldn’t look upto. 

Fear is having it seep into every part of your life even if you tell yourself otherwise to the point you can’t let yourself actually get close to your teammates, even if you want to, even if you wish desperately you could show all the ugly parts of yourself and ask to be loved anyway. Fear is your heart racing at the realisation of what actually getting close to people involves and how different you are from them, how you have to try your hardest to do things that are as easy as breathing for them. Fear is a boy laying in your bed, tucked under your arms as the fluorescent light hits his face in ways that make him look angelic as he asks you why Yoda is so ugly when baby Yoda is so adorable. Fear is realising that you love that boy, that you actually let yourself be vulnerable enough to come to love a boy whose heart is too big for his body, who loves so deeply that it seeps through everything he does; unlike you. 

Except for the first time in his life, Jude had something to lose that he really didn’t want to. 

gavi 

okay i found this football trivia night thing

i feel like you’d be into that

if you can handle losing against me that is 

idk how that’s gonna work out though

too public? 

gavi

tough crowd

no to the trivia thing then damn alright

let me know when you’re free

gavi

are you okay

i mean am i overreacting 

you’ve been radio silent for like four days now

that's almost  a week

come on you’re not playing THAT badly now to go all awol

i thought you were pretty cool against villareal 

gavi

okay what is it with you

jude

can you not take the hint

i don’t think this is a good idea anymore

i don’t want to continue this

gavi

what are you talking about 

you know what

i honestly don’t get you

what the hell are you so scared of

jude

i'm not scared

but maybe you are

of just accepting the fact that i don’t feel the same way

gavi

lol

you’re fucking ridiculous 

you pulled the same shit before

just talk to me instead of acting like a fucking coward

jude

there’s nothing to talk about 

i don’t want to talk to you anymore 

it was never going to work out

 i told you from the beginning

gavi

right

im the idiot here

[ you can no longer send messages to this user ] 

No matter how much Gavi tried to make sense of it, he couldn’t. It felt like whenever he managed to make sense of what Jude was thinking or feeling, he sent him a curveball as if to rub it in that he hadn’t managed to figure him out after all. It was infuriating, spending time with someone and knowing you’d both enjoyed it only to be completely shut off the next day. It wasn’t even like they weren’t close enough that Jude had to go and start distancing himself. The thought that maybe it was because they’d gotten close and the proximity scared Jude for whatever reason, only served to annoy Gavi further. 

He hadn’t realised just how much time he spent talking to Jude while they were talking, but now that they weren't it was even more glaringly obvious. It made him feel a little pathetic, like a hole had been carved out and he’d only realised the impact it had had afterwards. Not that he could do anything about it though, Jude had made sure of that. How were you supposed to get through to someone who wouldn’t listen?. 

You didn’t, so the only thing Gavi was left with was more confusion and anger and hurt than he’d ever felt before. He wasn’t even doing a good job at hiding it. the only thing he could be grateful for was that he was mature enough now to actually talk to his friends instead of acting like an asshole during training. But, even that could only make him not feel like shit for so long, until he was back to square one. 

Training helped, or rather going hard at training and leaving with the satisfaction that every bruise, hit and scratch was probably irking Jude too. God knows Gavi could feel his shoulder pulsating even when he didn’t want to. If Jude was going to make him feel like an idiot, the least he deserved was getting to feel a fraction of the hurt he’d made Gavi feel. 

Really, it wasn’t like Gavi was a hopeless idiot who’d somehow managed to convince himself Jude would fall in love with him in the span of a few months. He wasn’t. But, they were having a good time and sometimes when he was texting Jude, he could feel his heart speed up in a way that didn’t just belong to him. Even if he was stupid, he wasn’t fucking delusional. 

Sure, they hadn’t physically been around each other that much. But he couldn’t remember a single day over the past couple of months that he hadn’t spent talking to Jude. Being around him meant finding out more about his interests and the things he liked. Somewhere after the first few dates, Gavi had switched from trying to figure out what Jude liked to downright asking him. 

He liked doing things that made him feel full of adrenaline, like going on roller coasters. He also liked dancing, even if Gavi didn’t think he’d seen another human being with worse rhythm than him. He liked talking about football, they both did, in that nerdy fashion that Gavi hadn’t thought he’d have in common with Jude Bellingham of all people. He liked listening to old songs, mostly R&B, probably courtesy of his mom and he didn’t like being the locker room DJ, something about it being too much pressure to adhere to everyone’s needs. In that same vein, he also liked old movies, chatting Gavi’s ear off about scenes he  found cool once he’d gotten comfortable. 

What he didn’t like was, when his brother dragged him to watch stupid Marvel movies, moaning about how there couldn’t be a worse way to spend his Christmas vacation. But, he did it anyway and complained to Gavi afterwards. He also didn’t like it when Gavi asked him any questions that could be considered too deep. If he hated the “uncomfortable” questions, the silence afterwards was apparently worse. It was like he had to fill it up with something so that they wouldn’t have to sit in silence and actually Jude think about what they were saying. 

Really, not talking to Jude wasn't the hardest part. It was having to accept that this language that they’d built with each other, that no one else but them would understand would also be gone now. 

It didn’t make sense . Whenever he’d brought up the concept of soulmates, Jude didn’t seem to budge, firm in his opinion. They’d talked about soulmate tattoos, how Gavi’s mom who was older than his dad had gotten it first. How they both had it on their wrists, running parallely. How Aurora had gotten hers when she was 10 years old and had met Javi for the first time. To this day, Gavi liked gloating about how she’d only found the love of her life because he was his friend. 

Jude had reluctantly revealed how his mom was also older than his dad. That they’d decided early on—once they’d realised that both of their sons could play football and actually excel at it—to live separately. His younger brother lived with his dad and he lived with his mom, until he’d insisted he could live alone and practically forced her to go back home. He’d probably never admit it if Gavi brought it up now, but once Jude started talking and got comfortable, he didn’t stop, like all he needed was that little push to say the things he wanted to say. 

Still, Gavi couldn’t figure out why the fuck he seemed to scared to just let himself be no matter how much he tried to reason with himself. He didn’t get it. He didn’t get Jude , and the most hurtful part was that he didn’t think he ever would unless Jude allowed him to. 

Turns out, hiding a tattoo on your thigh was much harder when you played a contact sport than Jude had initially thought. He hadn’t even realised his shorts rode up his thighs that much, or that he liked wearing shorts that were that low in the first place. 

He’d tried everything ; switched out to longer shorts and socks, which wasn’t that eye catching considering the colder months were starting anyway. He’d tried to be a lot more careful with not picking up little hits and knocks during matches but that was much harder. He’d even resorted to stealing foundation from his makeup artist so that he could cover them before games, just to be safe. The hardest part though, was when he had to be in the locker room with the rest of the guys. 

“Why are you acting weird?” Aurelien asked, as if he hadn’t been the one that had sneaked up to Jude, when he’d thought he’d be alone. 

“I thought I was the only one here. What’s up?.” Jude said, scratching his head with one hand while he grabbed his shorts with the other one to put on. 

“ Jude , why are you being weird?.” he asked again, voice a lot more assertive this time even if the gentleness was still there. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jude responded after he was done getting dressed. He didn’t think he had the mental capacity for his conversation right now. 

“Seriously? Your first instinct after seeing me is to try and hide your thigh and not your dick?.” Aurelien pushed, seemingly unfazed by Jude’s unwillingness to talk. That paired with the stillness of the room was making him feel like a caged animal. Had he been sweating this whole time?. Who knows. 

“Um, I don’t know.” he scratched his head again, chest tightening like he needed to give an answer, anything that would let him get scot off. “I have body dysmorphia.” 

“Excuse me?.” Aurelien gazed at him with wide eyes, seemingly just as caught off by the statement as Jude himself who’d been the one to blurt it out, “No you don’t—Do you?. Anyway….I’m not interrogating you, you know? I was just wondering.” 

The confusion in his eyes at the honestly absurd conversation they’d had was making Jude feel bad, bad enough to go upto him and bring him closer for a hug. If there was one thing that he’d learned after being here for more than a year was that even if his teammates didn’t always understand him, he could always placate them with a hug. So what if it was a leeway for him to not actually talk about his feelings? Jude’s touch starved side loved it. 

“Sorry, that probably didn’t help convince you, did it?” he said, wondering if he should just bite the bullet and tell him already before deciding that he couldn’t, not yet anyway. “I’m just figuring some things out, that’s why I’m being weird. I’ll tell you later.” 

That paired with the hug had managed to convince his friend after all, who leaned into Jude’s touch while his head rested on his shoulder. He was in the safe, for now. 

“Tchou tells me you’ve been acting weird.” It’s after winning the Super Cup trophy, when he first slips, and slips he does. 

It’s gradual, like everything is with Jude, building up over time until he feels like he’ll explode, like every part of his body is itching with no way to be soothed. He thinks it before anyone can even say it to him ; Why aren’t you happy?. 

They’d won a trophy, hadn’t they? That was grounds enough to be happy for Jude, it always had been. It didn’t matter that the adrenaline lasted a maximum of three hours usually before he was back to thinking about the next thing. It mattered that in the literal and physical sense he’d done something good, something that deserved to be celebrated. Yet, he felt like throwing up. It’s Cama who calls him out, because of course it is. 

“Hmm? Don’t tell me you’ve been gossiping behind my back.” Jude leans into his arms for a backwards hug, while the rest of the guys are too busy in their own orbits, getting drunk and celebrating. It’s been a hard season, it made sense to celebrate whatever moments they could get under their belt. It also made sense for Jude’s social battery to run out after the first few hours, what didn’t make sense was the ringing in his ears and how truly horrible he felt. 

He missed Gavi, but surely missing someone shouldn’t warrant him to feel that bad. Or, maybe it was the shitty fast food pizza they’d made him eat, weighing down his stomach like a pile of rocks. 

“Not gossiping, just observant.” he replies, leaning down to kiss the blade of Jude’s shoulder and it’s such a tender thing to do in the middle of all the noise that Jude almost wants to cry. He doesn’t respond, instead going back to glaring at the can of beer someone had passed him. He couldn’t tell what number he was on, and he didn’t want to know either. 

“I got my soulmate tattoo.” Jude says almost miserably, as if that’s even half the reason behind his problems. It’s not , if anything it should be one of the best things that’s happened to him all year, if it weren’t for his stupid brain meddling. 

It’s almost comical how a smile instantly appears on Camavinga’s face, like it should be a good thing, like he doesn’t understand why that would possibly be a bad thing. He probably loves Jude too much to realise that the problem is his friend, not the other person. 

“Why are you upset then? Who is it? Is it a bad person?.” he questions while starting to massage Jude’s shoulder lightly, starting off with slow movements before building it up. 

“It’s Gavi.” Jude is sure it takes him more than a couple of minutes to reply, but Cama’s reaction is instant. He almost stutters over his own words before starting to laugh, loud enough so only Jude can hear and their little bubble in the corner isn’t poked at. 

“No fucking way, that’s two for two with Barcelona players then? Should I hit Pedri up and see if he’s single too then?.” he jokes, in the effortless manner that he does and Jude can’t help but snort, lolling his head back so he can get more comfortable in Cama’s arms. 

“You will do no such thing. Besides, I kind of told him to fuck off then he blocked me.” That manages to knock the smile off of his friend’s face, just like Jude had anticipated. Atleast , he has the decency to hide his face and look as guilty as he feels.

“Why? Didn’t think you cared about surface level stuff enough to do that.” Cama says, genuinely looking confused as to why Jude would possibly be hesitant to get into a relationship with Gavi of all people, or any relationship at all. 

“I don’t. I don’t know, it’s me, isn’t it?.” Jude replies, hoping he can attribute whatever stupid thing he says to the buzz he’s feeling. He hopes it’s the alcohol that’s making his vision feel blurry anyway. 

“You? What do you mean? You’re perfect.” he replies, as if that’s supposed to make Jude feel any better. It doesn’t , but he appreciates the honesty in his tone anyway, like he truly believes it. It means he’s been doing a good job so far. He would definitely be getting a medal in maintaining friendships and being honest with himself now. Right . 

“Thanks.” Jude replies, mostly because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to say, “Can you like….stay with me while we celebrate, yeah?.” Mostly, because he doesn’t trust his own body and partially because he’s tired of sneaking out during celebrations and parties and things that are supposed to be good and fun and making himself feel like shit. The request doesn’t stop him from doing it anyway. 

gavi

i really didn’t wanna do this

but can you like

stop whatever you’re doing

it’s hurting me too

it feels like someone’s twisting my throat

jude

??

huh

where are you

gavi

madrid

hanging out with balde’s brother 

thats not the point jude

jude

ah

fuck

i didn’t realise

im so sorry fuck

i didn’t mean to

gavi

now i'm confused

calm down

where are YOU

jude

hotel

celebrating

we’re staying overnight

i’m sorry

gavi

okay stop apologising

i don’t know what else to say

i don’t get it

i don’t get you

jude

can we like

is this too much to ask

can u come over

please

gavi

fuck off

fuck

you better make it worth it

When Gavi finally comes over after what feels like forever, the overhead light in the hotel room is hitting Jude’s eyes in a way that makes him feel like he’s back in the stadium, with his ears ringing, the pounding of his head being the only thing that makes him realise that he’s there , and not somewhere far far away. The fact that his brain doesn’t catch up is another thing entirely. 

It takes a herculean effort to muster up the courage to open the door after he peers at the peephole, having waited ages to hear the sound of Gavi’s footsteps, or anyone’s really. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly he opens the door before Gavi can even ring the bell, but something tells him that’s the least embarrassing thing about him right now. It somehow takes even more effort to not pull in Gavi for a hug, the realisation that he’d lost the right to do that, all because he was too much of a coward, too selfish. 

Neither of them say anything when Gavi first enters, Jude sitting down on the bed and peering at his bruised knuckles, lamenting the fact that the way he’d scrubbed them raw had only made them appear more wound up than they already were. Atleast, he’d gotten a room to himself instead of sharing like the other guys. What good was winning a trophy if they didn’t get to celebrate like kings just for one night anyway?. 

It’s Jude who breaks the silence, his brain feeling like it’s been scrubbed out to the point he can’t form a single coherent thought. His body practically begs at him to feel something , any form of warmth. So, he settles on coffee knowing that it’s unfair to try and seek it from Gavi’s embrace. 

“Can you like….can you make me a cup of coffee?.” He knows it’s frankly outrageous to be making demands from Gavi like this, especially after he’d been the one to break things off, but he still hopes the rawness in his voice gives away just how much he needs this right now; needs Gavi. 

He doesn’t get a reply in return, which isn’t surprising. What is surprising, only because the unspoken gentleness of it makes Jude’s heart ache is how Gavi scoops up the half opened jar of honey in his hands before mixing it while making Jude’s coffee, like it’s instinctual for him now to adhere to Jude’s preferences without being told. Even his mom used to always add sugar until he had to remind her that he liked it with honey. 

The cup in his hands is inviting in a way that makes him look at Gavi, really look at him, even if he himself is terrified of being seen in his current state. Something about the way he sits next to him makes him feel like it’s okay. Jude almost says something, just so he can hear Gavi’s voice in return before he beats him to it. 

“Can you like….talk? What’s going on here, Jude?.” he says, while biting his lips in a way that almost worsens Jude’s anxiety, like he’s feeling both his and Gavi’s part of it at the same time. It sucks, his head hurts and the light is too much. He feels like he has to muster all his strength to breathe, so he takes a sip of his coffee instead. The warm liquid soothes his throat a bit but it does nothing to help alleviate his anxiety, if anything the way his hands shake as he holds the cup make it much more obvious. 

“What did you feel?.” he asks even though he almost doesn’t want an answer. Everytime he makes himself throw up, it’s as if his mind is somehow acutely aware of every move he’s making, while doing nothing to stop it, like he’s in control and not at the same time. He doesn’t want to imagine Gavi going through even a fraction of that. 

“—I don’t know, okay?. It’s gonna sound dramatic if I describe it but it felt like my insides were being scooped out or something, like you know ... .something coming up but it’s not like I was trying. This probably doesn’t make any sense.” Gavi says, and it’s almost palpable the tension he’s feeling, like he’s annoyed that he can’t make sense of it. 

“You’re not being dramatic.” Jude says, more so to reassure himself than Gavi, so he can get the words out without feeling like he’s gonna choke on them. “—You asked me why it’s so hard for me to accept this, right? This is why.” 

The intensity of Gavi’s gaze almost makes him flinch, even though the only thing they’re full of is confusion and a hint of disbelief, like he almost doesn’t want to be hearing this. It’s not like Jude wants to be the one saying it either. 

“You don’t get it, do you?.” he speaks again, before Gavi can state it himself, bitterly chuckling in a way that makes his chest hurt. He bites the inside of his cheek, hoping that he can make it tingle enough to feel like he can get through this. 

“No, I don’t.” Gavi says, his hands hovering like he wants to put his hands on Jude’s shoulder but doesn’t know if he’s allowed.

“The reason I didn’t want to believe you can feel everything I do is because then it means that….you can feel everything I do to myself. Especially the bad things.” Jude mutters, making himself flinch so hard in the process that he almost closes his eyes shut, just so he doesn’t have to see whatever disgusted expression Gavi makes. It never comes, neither the expression nor his disgust. 

What does come is a hand on his shoulder, firmly planted there like it’s the one place it belongs. 

“Okay….okay.” Gavi says, like he’s still processing it. Though he doesn’t say anything further, he rubs his hands up and down Jude’s shoulder that makes him feel like he can go on, the familiarity of it too comfortable to fight against. 

“I don’t think there’s any way to say it without being crude so I’m just gonna say it, I was making myself throw up. It’s what I was doing the first night we met and….it’s what I do. There you go, cat’s out of the bag now.” he purposefully makes it sound crude and harsh just so it can hide the way in which his voice is quivering. 

Gavi doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are reflecting in a way that makes it look like there’s tears piling up in them, or maybe it’s the light. It takes only a second after that for him to pull Jude into a hug. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say…” he says, and Jude thinks he can hear his heartbeat from here because of how close they are. 

“I should be the one saying sorry, it’s no excuse to treat you the way I did. I’m sorry, I really freaked out on you and acted like a coward” Jude said, surprised at the stability of his voice before leaning into Gavi’s touch, taking in all the warmth of his body after being away from it for so long. So much for not being dramatic. 

“Okay, I forgive you. Can you like….explain this to me better?.” he asks, and it’s so sincere that Jude doesn’t think he could possibly ever say no. That had been half the problem in the first place, Gavi with all his ferocity and genuineness was bound to tear his walls down. How were you supposed to protect your heart from someone who wore theirs on their sleeve to the point it was practically etched on them? Jude had never even stood a chance, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all. 

So, he explains and explains until the air in his lungs feels like it’s not quite there and he ends up in the huge bed with Gavi next to him, holding him in his arms until the ringing in his ears finally stops. It takes more effort to remember everything, from the start considering how quickly everything had happened. If Jude thought back on it, he didn’t think there was ever really a start. Rather, something that was always building up inside him waiting to explode. 

“I hope you know like…..I don’t think you can really fix me. This might be a lifelong thing. Don’t go into this thinking you’re going to fix me.” Jude says, as if “this”; their relationship, is a thing that he’ll let happen without getting in the way of it, for once. 

“I don’t want to fix you, I just want to be with you.” Gavi says, and Jude wonders for a second whether he’d ever run out of knowing exactly what to say to make him feel at peace. He can’t help the overwhelming feeling that builds up in his chest and makes him lean down for a kiss. Luckily, Gavi kisses back, with his hands gliding up to rub away the tears that had pooled in Jude’s eyes. 

It’s somewhere in the middle of the night, when they’re so exhausted from talking, wrapped around each other to the point where Jude doesn’t know where his hands start and where Gavi’s end, that Gavi feels an itch down his back. It’s not exactly uncomfortable, but it’s noticeable enough that he turns around and grabs Jude’s fingers to scratch up and down his back. 

The contact makes Jude rustle in his sleep until he’s been doing it for so long that he’s wide awake instead. That’s when he sees it, a little orange crab staring at him—begging to be noticed— at the curve of Gavi’s back. He gasps so loud he’s sure it’s worse than screaming. Gavi is up instantly after that, too confused and bleary from sleep to understand why Jude is reacting this way. Just that, his back is still itching and he’s never seen Jude look so still. 

“You have a….your back. Tattoo.” Jude manages to speak and Gavi is instantly on his toes after that, getting up and walking towards the bathroom to look in the mirror and see for himself. Jude doesn’t follow him. 

When he comes back, Jude is sitting up on the bed and staring down at his thighs, before Gavi comes closer and he pulls up his shorts to reveal a tattoo of his own, bright and colourful and pretty . Gavi can’t wrap his head around how that’s supposed to represent him. 

“When?.” he asks, because of course Jude would get his first and hide it. Of course. 

“That day, after you left. It’s why I freaked out, made it too real.” Jude admits, as if it’s embarrassing for him to voice out loud that that’s why he had decided to run and hide. Atleast, he’d decided to be still now, in Gavi’s arms. 

“Ah, so what I’m hearing is that you fell in love with me first then?.” he jokes, just because Jude is back to biting the tip of his nails, even if he knows he shouldn’t. It must work because he smiles before gently shoving him back on the bed. 

“Fuck off. I know it’s ironic, okay?. How do you know that’s about me?.” Jude asks, biting the inside of his cheek and Gavi almost rolls his eyes at how ridiculous that sounds. 

“Dont be fucking ridiculous, it’s you unless I know other people born in June I don’t know about. It’s a crab because you’re a cancer right?.” he tries to reason, because Jude is a reasonable person. Right. 

“That’s not a good argument. What if you do?.” Jude tries again and even though his voice is casual enough, Gavi can tell he’s building upto something. 

“Jude, it’s about you. I’m not arguing about this.” 

“What if it fades away?.” And there it is. He’s back to worrying his lip, Gavi can already imagine that he’s drawn blood at this point from biting the inside of his cheek. 

“Then I’ll get it tattooed, so it never will,” he’s smiling as he says it, hoping that the confidence with which he says it can make Jude realise that he’s serious, about this and about him . 

“Can you do that? Now I feel like I have to do that too.” Jude sheepishly says, burying his face in Gavi’s shoulder as they go back to holding each other in their arms. Waking up tomorrow was going to prove to be hell, but atleast it was a weekend. 

“No, I trust you. Don’t worry.” he leaves it at that, not finding it necessary to say that he loves him at that moment. The way he’s holding him, should be enough. Atleast, he hopes that Jude can feel it. 

There’s a different kind of vulnerability, Jude thinks ; at laying in someone’s arms and telling them the worst things you’ve done, showing them the worst parts of yourself and knowing you’ll be loved anyway. Atleast, in that moment Jude doesn’t feel like he has to prove himself and earn it, that he can just be instead.