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The climb up the grassy hill was made in silence, creating a stillness that enveloped the surroundings like a dense fog. Normally, the silence would piss Blitzø off, he preferred things loud with constant conversation. However, he appreciated the quiet this time. He could sense that Stolas wanted to say something , to offer Blitzø some comfort, but he didn't know what Blitzø needed. Hell, Blitzø didn't even know what he needed. They were visiting his mother today. It was Stolas' first time here, and it might as well have been Blitzø's too. He had visited once a few years after the fire, and it hadn't gone well. The guilt, anger, and pain had consumed him in destructive ways back then. But he was… better now? Better maybe wasn't the best word, but he had calmed down significantly. The negative emotions had once been a raging fire that resided in his gut and heart; now, they lessened to a steady simmering flame within him. Those feelings would never fully disappear, but he had learned how to live alongside them.
Blitzø stopped walking when they reached a tall tree at the top of the hill, and Stolas followed suit. His gaze drifted across the sea of small, gray headstones scattered about, finally settling on one in particular – Tilla Buckzo . Cash was a horrible piece of shit, but he at least had the decency to provide Blitzø's mother with a proper resting place.
His fingers absent-mindedly fidgeted with the skull pendant at his throat. Should I be here? Do I even deserve to visit her? Maybe I-. A soft coo broke through the silence, pulling Blitzø from his spiraling thoughts. He turned his attention towards Stolas to see his husband bouncing on his talons in a clear attempt to entertain the small form in his arms.
Blitzø had unexpectedly become pregnant; neither he nor Stolas had even considered that pregnancy was an option for them due to how different their biologies were. But fucking surprise, it was possible. Despite having been married for a year, Blitzø had been terrified to tell Stolas, unsure if this was something Stolas would want from him. However, as the morning sickness and other symptoms became impossible to hide, Blitzø finally mustered the courage to break the news. Stolas' reaction was a mix of surprise and joy; he let out a loud chirp, scooped Blitzø into his arms, and spun him around. Blitzø had to remind him to be careful, because he was pregnant and would fucking throw up all over him. Once Stolas had set him back on his feet, he'd knelt on the floor, his talons gently caressing Blitzø's stomach. Although Blitzø's belly had already grown a small bump, it just looked like he had eaten a large lunch rather than the fact he was growing an actual fucking being inside him. Stolas wore the sweetest expression when he'd asked if Blitzø was certain they were truly having a baby. When Blitzø confirmed, Stolas nearly picked him up again for more twirling; Blitzø could tell by the look in his eyes and the way his talons flexed against his stomach. So another puke warning had to be given. It was a thrilling moment filled with happiness, but soon reality set in, and they realized they needed to share this news with Via and Loona.
Blitzø and Stolas loved being fathers, their girls were the center of their lives. They wanted to be sure they were comfortable with the idea of having another sibling. Breaking the news was difficult and tense. The girls sat in stunned silence for what felt like an eternity before their emotions erupted. Loona reacted with anger, while Via withdrew and sulked, and soon they both left the house together. Overwhelmed by the situation, Blitzø found himself in tears – a reaction he blamed on the hormones, though he knew it was more than that. If Loona and Via were genuinely uncomfortable with the idea of a new sibling, he would respect their wishes and make the difficult decision not to go through with it. He would do anything for his daughters, but the thought of giving up on this kid was heart-wrenching. Despite his fear and anxiety, he felt a deep connection to the little thing growing inside him.
Blitzø and Stolas didn't hear from either of the girls, despite bombarding them with text messages and calls, until later that night. Loona had sent a single text to their group chat: Congrats. It had still been rocky and both girls required deep conversations, including tons of reassurances that nothing would change, that both were still loved unconditionally by their fathers, and that a baby could never replace them.
The pregnancy wasn't too bad. Laying the egg, however, was another story. He had been in excruciating pain for hours. His pussy was not made for that shit. Okay, it technically fucking was, but it hurt like a bitch. It didn't help the egg was fucking huge, for an imp at least, because of the interspecies breeding. In other words, thanks Stolas' fucking giant bird genetics
The wait for the egg to hatch had been nerve-wracking. Stolas had to calm Blitzø down and reassure him on multiple occasions that the egg was more resilient than he thought. Stolas had been incredible throughout the entire pregnancy and hatching process; if there were an award for Best Husband, he would deserve at least fifty trophies. When the egg began to hatch, all four gathered around to watch. Each time a piece of shell fell away, cheering would ensue. It was incredibly dumb and probably scared the poor kid, but they were all excited to meet them.
When the top half of the shell finally popped open, it revealed the weirdest creature Blitzø had ever laid eyes on. She was fucking beautiful. Nearly bald, she had only a few tiny blue-gray feathers sprouting from her light reddish skin. The smallest black and white striped horns protruded from her head, and a long red spaded tail extended behind her. Four wide, yellowed eyes with red pupils stared back at Blitzø, and he felt as though his heart might burst from his chest. He whispered a soft, “Hey, sweetie,” and she opened her tiny beak to let out the sweetest chirp Blitzø had ever heard. They had chosen the name Eris Tilla Buckzo. Stolas had been the one to suggest the name Tilla, which made Blitzø sob – definitely just the hormones.
Adjusting to a new baby in the house had been a struggle. A lot of trial and error on Blitzø's part. Stolas had already experienced the infant stage, so he had some prior knowledge, but Blitzø felt as though he was fucking up with every turn.
It had been five months since Eris hatched, and Blitzø had mentioned wanting to introduce Stolas and Eris to his mother. He had also invited Via and Loona, but they chose to visit at a later date. Although this disappointed Blitzø, he understood. Stolas had gone on and on about how honored he'd be to meet Tilla and how proud he was of Blitzø for taking this step.
The uneasiness in Blitzø's gut eased slightly, a smile forming on his lips as he watched his husband and daughter. He reached up and gently stroked Eris’ head feathers between her horns. “Papa will be right back, Eri.” He looked up at Stolas and took a small breath. “Give me a minute alone with her? I wanna… uh… talk to her first.”
Stolas smiled gently, shifting Eris to one of his hips before caressing Blitzø's warm cheek with his talons. “Please take all the time you need, darling. We'll be here when you're ready for us.”
Blitzø took Stolas' hand and placed a gentle kiss on his palm. “Thanks, babe. I won't be long.”
“Blitzø, I'm serious. Take your time with her. It makes no difference whether we're here for minutes or hours.” Stolas said, his voice tender.
“Okay… yeah, I will. I love you, Stols,” Blitzø muttered.
Stolas leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Blitzø's lips. "I love you too, dearest.”
Blitzø nodded, giving Stolas' talons a squeeze before releasing him and turning to walk toward his mother's grave. He could do this; he could absolutely do this. When he reached the headstone, he glanced back over his shoulder at his husband and daughter for a brief moment.
Blitzø gathered his strength as he directed his attention to the stone, to his mother. A wave of familiar, intense sorrow washed over him, tightening his heart in a way that felt all too familiar.
Grief is like a monstrous creature that grips onto every part of your body, digging its claws deep inside. It relentlessly attacks and damages you from the inside out, trying to drain the life out of you. The pain of loss is felt in every fiber of your being, and the creature ensures that the suffering is unbearable. The worst aspect of grief is its sneaky nature. Just when you think the creature has disappeared and the grief has subsided, a familiar smell or sound can trigger its return, reopening those wounds and creating new ones. Each tear and scratch inflicted by the monster feels as raw as the day you experienced the loss. The creature never truly leaves, always lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike and cause maximum harm.
Blitzø's tail swished behind him as he gripped his opposite arm. “Uh… hey, mom. It's Blitzø – I mean Blitzo. I kinda dropped the 'o' a while back. Long story.” He chuckled nervously. “I don't… I don't know if you would've liked that I did that. I didn't bring anything. Fuck, I should've at least brought flowers or something, right? Dammit, I'm sorry. I don't – I just realized I don't even know what to say or what I should say.” His voice began to tremble as he spoke, the tips of his claws starting to pick at the fabric of his jacket.
“I, uh, have a husband now and three kids. Can you fucking believe that shit? I adopted Loona when she was 17, that was almost – shit, 9 years ago now? Octavia came into my life just a few years ago when her dad did. She hated my guts at first, it took a long ass time for her to even tolerate me. Again, long story. My husband, Stolas, is a fucking prince . Fucking insane, right? We, uh, had a rocky and complicated start to our relationship, but we're good now, fucking great actually.”
His boot began to scuff against the grass as he moved his hand to cradle his stomach, which still protruded slightly from his pregnancy. “And, um, I actually just had a baby. Five months ago. She… she laughs just like you, mom. Her name's Eris,” tears welled in the corners of his eyes as he spoke. “Her middle name is… is Tilla. That was Stolas' idea. I hope – I hope you're okay with that. I don't think I would've made it through the pregnancy and birth without him, but… fuck, I wish you had been there, mom.” The first droplets of tears slid down his cheek. “I think… I think I'm fucking everything up. I'm scared I'm going to fuck Eri up. I don't know how to do this shit. I don't know how to raise a fucking baby.”
Blitzø slammed his eyes shut tightly, his claws pressing into his stomach. “Fuck, what if… what if I end up like him? What if I turn out like dad, mom? I just… I-” A sob caught in his throat as he sank to his knees, moving his hand away from himself and trailing the tips of his claws along the headstone, tears streaming down his face freely now.
His heart pounded in his ears as the pain threatened to consume him entirely. “I’m… fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. It's my fault you're gone. I – fuck, it hurts so much.” He bent over, dropping his hand and choosing to grip the grass beneath him instead, his body wracked with sobs. “I miss you so fucking much, mama. I can't-”
Blitzø barely registered when long arms lifted him from the ground and pressed him against a soft, warm chest. He instinctively wrapped his arms around the figure holding him as his grief and pain poured out.
Stolas gently rubbed Blitzø's trembling back, rocking their bodies back and forth in a soothing motion. “Shh, I've got you, dearest. You're okay, you're okay. I know you miss her, my love. I know.” He whispered softly.
The tears gradually stopped after what felt like hours, but was likely only minutes. Blitzø took a few deep breaths before sitting up. His chest ached, and his eyes fucking burned. It took a few seconds for his brain to turn back on. When it did, a new emotion settled in – panic. “Stolas, wait, where the fuck is Eri? You didn't just leave her, did you?”
Stolas cupped Blitzø's face in his talons, gently stroking one cheek with his thumb. “Blitzø, please calm down. Eris is perfectly safe. I would never leave her alone.”
“Safe? Then where the fuck-” he began, his voice higher-pitched than he would have liked.
“I got her, dad, chill out.” Dad? That voice was-
Blitzø swiveled his head out of Stolas' grasp to look behind him in the direction of the tree, confusion replacing the panic. “Loonie?”
Loona popped the hip that Eris was resting on, causing the little girl to giggle. “Yeah, I'm here. So's Via.” She said, jerking her thumb behind her.
Blitzø leaned to look behind her and saw Via making her way to where they were, a large bouquet of flowers in her arms. “Via..?”
Via stopped beside Loona, shrugged, and then smiled. “Hey, Blitzø.”
Blitzø tilted his head as he looked at his girls, wiping at his soaked cheeks. “What are you… you two said you couldn't make it.”
Loona rolled her eyes. "We wanted to surprise you. We were busy picking out flowers.”
Tears gathered in Blitzø's eyes once more, surprising him; he thought he had no water left in his body, let alone enough to cry again. “Girls…”
“Come on, dad, it's no big deal. You gonna introduce us or what?” Loona said, smirking.
Blitzø wiped away his tears and nodded, rising to his feet and placing a hand on his mother's headstone. “Yeah, definitely. Mom, this is…,” he glanced at the people standing around him, gathered around his mother. “my family.”
Loona walked forward and plopped down by Blitzø's feet. “Hey, grams. I'm Loona. And this,” she bounced Eri up and down, eliciting another giggle from the girl, “is Eris. You, uh, raised a pretty cool kid. He's a good dad… or whatever.”
Via shuffled and stood next to Loona, placing the flowers directly in front of the stone. “Hey, grandma. I don't know if that's weird, since I haven't really been part of the family for long, but uh… I'm Octavia or Via is cool. Blitzø is pretty chill… sometimes at least. It's been nice having him around.”
Stolas smiled as he rose from the ground and walked over to where Blitzø stood, placing his talons over Blitzø's hand on the stone. “Hello, Miss Tilla. I'm Stolas. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so many wonderful stories about you. You were a fantastic mother, and you raised a truly incredible son. I am confident you would be proud of the man he has become. He is an attentive father, and I am very grateful to have him assist in raising our children. He is also an equally loving husband. Your son has faced many hardships since your passing and has overcome many obstacles, which has made him strong and caring. He is a protective person who would do anything for those he loves, a quality I have no doubt he inherited from you, Miss Tilla. I wish I had the opportunity to meet you properly, but please know that I will care for your son to the best of my ability. While it isn't the same without you, he will always know love, that I can assure you.”
Blitzø's heart swelled; it was so full that he was genuinely surprised his body could contain it. He wasn't sure if he believed half of what his husband had just said, but hearing him boast about him to his mother filled him with gratitude for the person he had chosen as his partner—the person who had chosen him. And hearing his daughters say he was a good dad, while it didn't alleviate his fears or anxieties about his inexperience, gave him the sense that he was doing at least something right with the whole raising kids shit.
Loona looked up at her dad, patting the ground beside her. “Sit your ass down here and tell us some stories about her. I'm sure you were a little shit, so tell us how the hell she handled you.”
Blitzø laughed and settled down beside his daughter, with Stolas and Via following suit. The tears and sobs transformed into smiles and laughter as they spent the next few hours reminiscing about Tilla and Blitzø's childhood. They talked well into the evening, until a full moon rose in the crimson sky.
The guilt over his mother's death would be something that wouldn't go away easily or any time soon. The grief from losing her would never truly leave him, but he had them to help with all of that. He had an incredible support system now. Moxxie, Millie, Fizz, Loona, Via, and Stolas would always be there to lift him up, just as he would do for them.
As Eris crawled into Blitzø's lap, snuggling close and purring softly, Blitzø placed a gentle kiss on her head before turning his gaze to his mother's headstone.
I hope you're proud of me, mama.