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“I got you, Pamela!” Kyle yelled, pulling out a chocolate anchor and throwing it past Pamela and over the ravine right next to the two trucks.
“So uh, what exactly was your plan there?” Jake asked.
Kyle looked out as he watched the rope unravel. “I mean, it’s eventually gonna hit the bottom, right?”
“Probably?”
Which it did, dragging their ride next to their opponent. Regina was pushed to the other side of the truck by the spikes before their vehicle detached from the other, sending them flying off of the cliff.
“You didn’t deserve that license.” Jake told Garnett as their truck plummeted into the maroon ravine below.
Once the group had finally resurfaced, Regina was scrambling to get from the hood to the roof before catching her digital breath. “Is everyone here?”
Garnett groaned as she held onto one of the sprinkles across the tank of the truck. “I never want to see chocolate for like, a week once this is done.”
“I just hope Pamela’s okay…” Regina sighed.
Jake, who was sitting where Regina was earlier, rolled his eyes as he dipped his feet into the chocolate. “Oh no, not the girl we’ve known for a week. However will we survive without her? Face it, if this thing goes under, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Oompa Loompas came out to mock us in song form!”
“Oh! Can I be the one with the squirrels?” Kyle clapped as he poked his head out of the sunroof. “I forgot her name though.”
“Veruka Salt?” Garnett guessed.
“That’s the one.”
“Wait, are we doing the original or the Johnny Depp one?” Garnett asked.
“Can you theater kids please save that conversation for later?” Jake yelled, only for the liquid below them to make large waves, with everyone holding on as a giant glob of chocolate with jawbreaker eyes and candy corn teeth popped out in front of them.
🎵“I am The Monster of Fudge, and I’m going to throw my sauce so much!”🎵
“Nope! I already said no singing!” Jake immediately interrupted.
“Aww…” The amorphous creature sunk into the chocolate as the boss intro wipe appeared.
FUDGE MONSTER
“Well if I can’t sing my song, I might as well have my snack now…”
“Wait, hold on, you don’t want to eat us!” Regina screamed as a blobby arm picked up the truck. “Listen, we’re all thin as boards, that’s not a lot of meat, and besides, aren’t you a candyvore or whatever you call it.”
The truck lowered as the creature pondered to itself. “I am a candyvore… meat doesn’t sound too good right now. It’ll upset my stomach.”
“If I had a nickel for every giant blob fight Pamela missed.” Kyle thought out loud. “…Does that time she got stuck in the meat freezer count?”
“So, you from around here?” Jake started to small talk to the boss.
“Oh no, a fudge monster like me could never survive out here in the canyon.” The boss explained. “I was just a happy little puddle of chocolate living in the castle moat. But you eat one too many people in the kingdom as they walk across the bridge, and suddenly that mean old cavity Loolilalu puts you in a bottle and squeezes you out here!”
“Of course you have a tragic backstory. Why wouldn’t you?” Jake shrugged.
“I don’t regret it, no no!” The fudge monster clarified. “Their screams only added to the flavor! It was like a rollercoaster in my mouth!”
“A rollercoaster in your mouth…” Jake repeated. “That sounds awesome! I gotta try these guys when we get back!”
“Jake, no!” Regina’s neck beelined in Jake’s direction.
“Jake, yes!”
Still, the giant mound of melted chocolate seemed to light up at the interaction. “You really think so? If you take me back to my proper home in the castle, I’ll spare you a few limbs to eat!”
“That would be great! Take some of this lake, this truck’s graham crackers, and some marshmallow heads and we can make ourselves some kick[%$🦷!#] s’mores while we’re at it!”
“You can make s’mores at the dessert section anytime you want!” Regina yelled, the truck shaking with every stomp of hers. “Why are you encouraging him?!”
“What’s that? Great idea, Regina! Let’s throw some of your licorice shaped hair onto the s’mores as well!”
“Jake!”
“I’ve never had licorice on a s’more before…” Kyle noted. “Are they any good?”
“You’re not helping!” Regina shrieked.
“So how ‘bout it, Fudgy?” Jake held out a hand for the cacao beast. “Can I call ya Fudgy?”
“The last person who called me Fudgy was my mom, and guess what I did to her?”
Everyone but Jake stood in shocked silence, while he didn’t even bat an eye. “Hey, as a fellow guy with dark secrets who loves making other people’s lives more miserable than they need to be, I totally get it.” He tapped on his pocket, revealing the key that Loolilalu had previously given to Regina. “I happen to have the only way into the Candy Kingdom…”
“How did you-”
“Yes, yes, dear Regina. I’ll save you a licorice s’more when we’re done killing everyone.”
Kyle, meanwhile, was prodding at his beard. “What would my hair taste like… maybe peanut butter sauce?”
“Did you take that from the licorice girl?” The fudge monster somehow noticed. “Can you just teleport things to your person at will?!”
“You could say that!” Jake winked. “Now, what I want you to do is keep some nice little gummy crocodiles on your head, and don’t eat them until I say so.”
“How long will that be?”
“Well I gotta get my reward from the princess first before I tear her kingdom crumb by crumb! So you will need to take us all the way to the kingdom first, and only then shall we feast on some sugary citizens!”
“Okay… so where are these crocodiles?”
“Weren’t they alligators?” Garnett pointed out before a big splash of chocolate washed over the group, with another truck right next to them.
“Are you Death?” One of the alligators asked when he saw the fudge monster.
“He will be.” Jake snickered as he pulled out Pamela’s old rope…
“Really? Nothing on the way back?” Jake complained during the ride to the castle.
“Well what were you expecting?” Garnett hesitantly asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“I dunno, an epic boss fight while riding a raging beast? A banger soundtrack, chocolate flying everywhere and a huge chunk of EXP? I was honestly kinda excited for one final challenge…”
“The truck went through the wall?” Regina pressed the two restrained gators.
“That’s the best way to describe it.”
“We’ve seen a lot of weird things before, but a magic vanishing truck isn’t one of them! Is that clown some kind of wizard or something?”
Regina sulked. “No, she isn’t…”
“Hey, worst case scenario, Caine can always bring her back, just like last time!” Kyle shrugged.
“Yeah, but it feels like this always happens to Pamela…” Regina began to twirl her hair around her finger. “I just want her to have fun on these things, but every time, something goes wrong for her…”
“She’s still in that ‘trying to beat the game’ phase.” Kyle pointed out. “I still remember your first adventures…” He chuckled. “You were still getting used to things when Jake got here!”
“Right…” Regina laughed. “Those days were much harder…”
“Which days?”
Regina shook her head. “Never mind…”
Just then, everyone could hear an explosion coming from the distance. Jake immediately snatched some binoculars off of Garnett to see a familiar-looking truck careening through the air.
“Did you guys call for backup while we weren’t looking?”
“Backup?” One of the gators pondered before looking at the sky.
“Backup!” Both of them cheered, bouncing around in the ropes. “Wait, we never called for backup.”
“Hi, my name is Bubble, and it has been two weeks since I last smoked myself. I recently revealed I’ve been trying to quit to my boss, and he was perfectly understanding of it!”
A bunch of mannequins sat around Bubble, with a banner above them in the untextured room saying “Bubble Smokers Anonymous Meeting”. The mannequins all waved at him, with a multitude of text boxes saying “[Hi Bubble!]” appearing.
Dr. Football’s text box then appeared, closing out the rest. “[Bubble, let me just say that we are so proud of how far you’ve come since you joined us. We know it isn’t easy to come forward to your coworkers the way that you did today.]”
“Yeah, and I’ve never felt better since! It was so good to get all of that off of my metaphorical chest! I feel like a whole new AI now!”
The mannequins all clapped for Bubble. “Thank you, thank you so much!” He sighed before sitting back in his seat, letting another mannequin stand up.
“[Hi, my name is Man Akin, and it has been fifteen minutes since I decapitated my friend. Thankfully he has forgiven me since the incident, but it still stings in my lack of a soul.]”
Bubble nodded intently as he let his friends continue.