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The world as they know it is changing.
It changes at an alarming rate, until Gyomei is unable to keep up with every change.
At the very beginning is the appearance of Kamado Nezuko, a demon that doesn't need to eat people to exist.
Then comes the news that Kamado Tanjirou has met with Kibutsuji Muzan.
Then Rengoku Kyojuro falls in a fight with Upper Moon Three. His loss is a big blow to the Demon Slayer Corps, as is the death of every other Hashira.
Upper Moons are seen again a few months later, forcing Uzui Tengen to retire. This, however, is the first time in centuries that a human has been able to defeat the Upper Moons.
The miracle is repeated a short time later, when Tokito Muichiro and Kanroji Mitsuri discover the demon slayer mark - something neither of the Hashira knew existed before.
If only they had known, perhaps Rengoku would still be alive and Uzui would not have lost an arm.
At the same time, news reaches Gyoumei's ears that Tokito has regained his memories.
The world is changing.
For the first time in a long time, it is clear that their long war has a chance of being won.
For the first time, everyone feels hope.
And with that hope comes pressure as well. Pressure that the Hashira feel especially strongly.
The day of the final clash is approaching. When it arrives, they must be prepared. If they fail to awaken the demon slayer mark in time, they will die. All of them know that the previous victory against Upper Moons might as well not be repeated.
Gyomei watches as Hashira tries to cope with the trauma. Uzui returns to the Demon Slayer Corps, trying to hinder the rest as best he can. Even if he himself can no longer fight - or doesn't want to, fearing that he might leave his wives alone - he tries to give as much as he can of himself. Kocho hides in her office, weighing new poisons. Shinazugawa trains with Obanai every night when he thinks no one is looking. Tomioka trains alone, having found that he is not like the rest of them. Kanroji and Tokito are at their best, as they have both awakened the Demon Slayer Mark within them, but they still don't stop training.
Gyomei wonders what awakening would mean for him.
They say no one with this mark has lived to be 25. Gyomei is 27 years old. Will activating the sign kill him?
If it does, it's fine. Gyomei is unable to do anything about it. He will only be able to pray that his death will be enough to defeat their enemies.
He would be lying if he said he is not afraid of the future.
What he fears is that they will fail to take advantage of the opportunity they have been given, which they have won with so much difficulty. If they fail now, they will lose everything they have gained. All the sacrifices that were made; all the lives that were sacrificed - it will all be in vain.
He also fears for the remaining Hashira.
They are all so young.
Each of them deserves a long, happy life. They have all sacrificed so much, they have all suffered so much. They deserve to finally lay down their weapons and live peacefully, happy in a world without demons.
They won't live very long if they activate the Mark.
Gyomei must therefore awaken it. He fears this, especially the effects this one may have on his body, but there is no other option. Everyone relies on him. He knows that Hashira rely on his strength. Each of them admires and respects him. Each of them acts as if the fact that he is the oldest of them means he is the best.
What a mockery!
Gyomei does not deserve their respect. He is a failure who has not been able to protect those he should.
He failed, but the Hashira rely on him anyway, as if unaware that he will fail again.
Because that's what Gyomei is.
But he can't show these doubts from himself. He can't let it come out, and so he meditates. He meditates and meditates, seeking peace, seeking solace in prayer.
Sometimes this helps. Many times, however, it is not enough.
Someone's quiet footsteps sound around him.
“Can I help you in some way, Tokito-kun?” Gyomei speaks up, recognizing the footsteps.
Tokito Muichiro has changed a lot since he regained his memories. He is still as calm as before, however, he is now not as closed off as before. No confusion or indifference can be heard in his voice.
“Himejima-san,” Tokito stops a few steps away from him.
Silence.
Tokito didn't speak right away, as if he didn't want to explain what he was doing here. Maybe he was lost, maybe he was looking for Kamado Tanjirou - but the boy hadn't reached that stage yet, the last time Gyomei checked, he was doing his schooling with Kanroji. The young woman was proud of him and responded to everyone who wanted to hear about it, how strong the boy had become.
Iguro was not happy about this, needless to say. He spent almost half the night with Shinazugawa training, and he probably didn't hold back, because then rumors came to Gyomei's ears that the Wind Mansion had to be repaired again.
“I'm glad you didn't answer me, Tokito-kun,” says Gyomei, realizing that the boy probably won't speak up at the best of times. “Sit next to me.”
The boy complies with his request. He kneels down next to him, but doesn't look like he's about to meditate.
“What are you doing, Himejima-san?” Tokito speaks up after a while.
“I'm meditating.”
“In order to?”
“To get peace of mind. We are facing a battle from which not a single one of us can escape.”
Not all of them are lucky enough to have been able to activate the Mark.
Yet can something that will kill them really be called luck?
“We need to prepare ourselves, Tokito-kun. However, before I prepare my body, I believe it is necessary to prepare my mind.”
Tokito remains silent.
“If you desire, I can teach you,” Gyomei offers.
He doesn't know why Tokito came here. Perhaps the boy doesn't know it himself and came here by accident. Or perhaps Tokito was counting on the support that Gyomei could provide.
Gyomei is used to being addressed with respect by the other Hashira. However, it is precisely because of this respect that there is a kind of distance between them.
If there is someone Gyomei could confide in... someone Gyomei could tell what is on his mind, it would be that person Kagaya-sama, no one else.
“I've never tried meditation before,” Tokito admits.
Gyomei smiles at him and begins to impart his knowledge. Meditation, contrary to what most people think, is not that simple at all. It's not enough to just close your eyes and sit still for hours. No, what is important is what is going on in the human mind, the way you breathe. Tokito, being a Demon Slayer, has the immediate advantage of being able to control his breathing with ease.
Gyomei has spent years trying to find a way of meditation that works for him.
In Tokito's case, that time will certainly be shorter.
They sit next to each other, silent. Gyomei can hear Tokito's breathing becoming steady, the boy calmer. The same thing happens to Gyomei. He is overwhelmed by a blessed calmness - a calmness that he had been striving for a long time, but which for some reason he could not achieve when he meditated alone.
It's strange, but the presence of another person helps him achieve the effect he was hoping for.
“Himejima-san,” Tokito speaks up at one point.
“Yes?” Gyomei asks. He doesn't mind that he interrupted his meditation. At the moment, the boy is more important to him.
The forest is quiet. They are both safe; the sun is still high in the sky, making its rays reach them, giving them pleasant warmth.
“Do you think we will win?” Tokito's voice is quiet and composed, but Gyomei catches the uncertainty in them that the boy tries to hide. “We have never won before. Better than us have died.”
“Nabu Amida Butsu,” Gyomei folds his hands in prayer, remembering those who are no longer with them. He feels tears running down his cheeks. “We are in the best situation in years, Tokito-kun. Right now we have the best chance to win.”
“Rengoku-san was unable to defeat Upper Moon 3. Uzui-san was victorious against Upper Moon 6, but lost an arm and an eye. What if this kind of situation happens again? What if our skills are not enough?”
Gyomei captures the question at hand: what if I am not enough?
“I'd like to think that I've changed, but I don't know if that's true,” Tokito says quietly. “I wasn't able to protect my brother. I failed.”
“So did each of us, Tokito-kun.”
“I can't imagine that you are capable of ever failing, Himejima-san.”
This is a faith that Gyomei does not deserve.
The other Hashira simply don't know. They have no idea how much Gyomei failed, how much blood was on his hand, because he was a coward and unable to stand against a demon. He reacted too late, decided too late to stand against the demon that attacked his students.
And they died. Because of him. It was only his fault.
His greatest failure.
But not his only one. Even after receiving the title of Hashira, he failed so many times.
“I have failed too many times, Tokito-kun,” says Gyomei, admitting for the first time to the other Hashira. “And now I am also afraid of failure. However, I think that's part of being human. We fail, time and time again. Our strength may not be enough. We may not make it in time. However, that is where our strength lies. No matter how many times we fall, we are able to rise. This is where the beauty of the human soul lies.”
His hands once helped others. Once upon a time, he wanted to protect the children he cared for. But he failed.
His disciple decided to lead a demon to them, believing that Gyomei would not be able to defeat him.
Gyomei was weak, and so he was betrayed.
In hindsight, this was obvious. Gyomei should not be surprised by this.
“I understand,” says Tokito. “So it's not the past that matters, it's the future.”
His words are so surprising that Gyomei doesn't find the words to answer him for a moment.
When he thinks about it, Tokito's words make sense. He is someone who has lived for a long time without a past. Gyomei is his opposite, constantly thinking about past events.
Tokito had no past, but he had a future.
Gyomei cannot free himself from his past and has no future.
He will die in the battle against Kibutsuji Muzanem, he is almost certain of it.
“I already understand what you want to convey to me, Himejima-san,” says Tokito. “Even if we failed in the future, it doesn't at all mean that we will fail again. We can't think forever about everything we failed at. We should accept it, perhaps even forgive ourselves.”
Gyomei knows that his past - the memories he has obtained - cannot be pleasant.
But despite this, Tokito doesn't give up.
Compared to him, Gyomei is a pathetic man. He constantly mourns his past. Tokito, on the other hand, looks to the future, without hesitation, with a strength that Gyomei can only envy.
Oh, how strongly he wishes this child a long, happy life.
However, there is truth in Tokito's words. The boy speaks with wisdom, as if he is older than he really is - but is that strange? Each of them has been forced to grow up faster.
Ah, how strongly Gyomei wishes this didn't have to happen!
He smiles at the boy.
“You are not a failure just because you failed once,” he says, but this time he has the feeling that he is not saying these words to Tokito.
This time he directs them toward himself.
And this time he is able to believe them.
He puts his hand on the boy's head.
“I think each of us deserves to forgive ourselves,” he says. “Nabu Amida Butsu.”
When Kamado Tanjirou comes to him, Gyomei is able to do what he has never done before: tell someone other than Kagaya-sama about his past.
It's not that he's specifically hiding it. He just doesn't like to talk about it, and he doesn't see the point of letting everyone know how great his failure was.
But Kamado Tanjirou is not Hashira.
He is not a Hashira, even though he definitely has skills worthy of holding that position. Despite this, gentleness can be heard in his voice. This world has not yet completely destroyed his kindness and faith in humanity.
As Gyomei finishes his story, and tears roll down his cheeks, a certain thing comes to him.
He has finally found the strength to be able to forgive himself for his past weakness.