Chapter Text
The kettle turned off with a soft click and James poured the boiling water into his cup. Then he handed Frederick his coffee, before he took up his seat at the other end of the small kitchen table. Frederick, meanwhile, merely watched him with silent expectation.
For a moment, James remained silent likewise, inhaling the fragrant steam wafting up from his mug instead. The smell of freshly brewed tea had something relaxing to it, something cosy and warm. It was oddly calming, comforting even, to just sit there and breathe in and out while cradling the warm mug in one's hands.
Now that he finally got to sit down and ease off, James noticed just how stressful the day had been so far. Rushing from the parking lot to the vet, from the vet to his mother, from there back home, actually taking care of the little ones, constantly worrying... He exhaled slowly, allowing the tension to seep out of his muscles. The coming weeks would be no less stressful, if Frederick agreed, but having everything settled, one way or another, would certainly lift a weight off his shoulders.
He looked at his boyfriend, still cradling his mug, and attempted a smile: „So, about our little guests – “
„Oh, I get it now. This is about Catherine.“
„Catherine?“
Huffing a sigh, Frederick rolled his eyes, making no attempt to hide his impatience. „Yeah, Catherine. Your sister. The pregnant one. You remember?“
„What about Catherine?“ James paused for a moment, then it clicked. „Oh, yes, you're right. She will be annoyed, won't she? For not getting to play with the kittens, due to her, well, circumstances and all. But I'm sure she'll understand, and if not, your brother will, so there's that. And anyway, she doesn't have to know. You don't tell your siblings everything either, do you?“
By now Frederick looked ready to get up and leave, but instead he merely massaged the bridge of his nose. „Not what I meant. And no, obviously I don't.“ He shook his head and blew on his coffee. „But it's a tad too on the nose. Last week your sister announces that Henry managed to knock her up and this week, all of a sudden, you're dragging in two fucking kittens. You're compensating! Which, really, makes this an even worse idea.“
For a moment James just sat there, blankly staring at Frederick, blinking slowly. This was not where he had pictured things going. At all. But now that he heard the words, it all made sense. Of course Frederick was hurt! Of course he felt like an insufficient partner, sad that he could not give James what he, in his opinion, so clearly desired. Perhaps he even envied Henry a little, a slight strain on their brotherly relationship, and without knowing, James had made matters worse. He already knew that he should have called Frederick before, but now he truly regretted not doing so. In fact, he felt like an arse for steamrolling his boyfriend like this, without even once considering any potential issues.
To buy himself some time, he took a sip of his tea, promptly burning his tongue. „Fuck!“
He grimaced and tried to will away the searing pain. It hurt. A fit punishment, perhaps, for giving Frederick at least equal pain, but it wasn't a thought James could appreciate in that very moment. He was still busily trying to hide his suffering, when, wordlessly, a small ice cube appeared on the table next to his mug. And a moment later, Frederick was back in his seat, watching James in silence.
„Thanks.“ Truly grateful, though not sure how much of it was showing, James popped the ice cube in his mouth and slowly began to suck it. The relief was immediate. „Sorry for that. Ouch, it does hurt though. And a shame, the tea's good. I looked forward to actually be able to taste it.“ There was nothing else James could do right now, but just to make sure Frederick knew how much he appreciated the gesture, how much he appreciated Frederick, James reached out to take his boyfriend's hand across the table.
„And, I'm sorry for... Well, everything, I guess. I didn't know that this whole thing would – But then I guess I should've known. But it really isn't what you think. I just found them. I could've found them two weeks ago, or next month, and it would've been just the same. Really. I'm not trying to, what did you call it? Compensate?“
As always in these moments, Frederick only raised one doubtful eyebrow.
„I mean it! Really!“ Shaking his head, James raised his mug to his lips again, discreetly dropping the rest of the ice cube into the tea. Then he sighed. „I mean, yes, had you asked me like, three or four years ago what I imagined my future to be like? I would've thought that by now I'd have kids. And had the whole thing with Isabella not, well, turned out the way it did, I guess that would be the reality I'd be living by now. It certainly was what I wanted“ – he shrugged – „What I thought she wanted as well. But, I don't think I'd be any happier than I am now. Certainly not with her, but I mean, in general. I'd like to think that I would've been a decent father, only, I'm not so sure anymore if that's really what I want. If that makes sense. Not if that means – “
He paused and threaded his fingers through Frederick's.
„I'm not a fool. Not always. And I knew that you, I, we... That this would never and could never be like the future my younger self had taken for set in stone. And that's okay, for me at least. I'm happy for Catherine, really, I am. And I can't wait for the baby to be born, but that doesn't mean that I suddenly want to turn my whole life upside down. I made my choice and I'm happy with it and that won't suddenly change, at least not for as long as you'll have me.“
Had there not been a table between them, James would have snuggled up to Frederick. It was easier, in a way, to have his body communicate what his words failed to get across, but as there was a table between them, all James could do right now was smile and give Frederick's hand a gentle squeeze. „And you know, should I ever come to miss changing diapers that much, with nine siblings, I think, there'll be plenty of opportunities for me to be the cool uncle instead.“
There was a moment's silence, as Frederick sat there and watched James's face, his own expression unreadable. Then his familiar, and beloved, smirk reappeared: „Eh, Henry will absolutely appreciate that.“ He chuckled. „Though no chance of your ever being the cool uncle.“
„Oi!“
Laughing outright, Frederick pulled James's hand a little closer, bringing it to his lips, and pressed a kiss on its back. „So, back to those definitely not surrogate babies... Don't look at me like this, I do believe you. Ugh. Back to the kittens. Better? Great. So, what's the deal?“
James was smiling, too. This was the conversation he had hoped to have. „For you? Only as much as you want. I mean, I'll try to have it affect your life as little as possible, though as long as they still need the bottle every few hours... But I could sleep on the sofa –“
„No bloody way.“
„Okay, then I'll just try to get up as subtly as possible, so that I won't wake you, because, well, it shouldn't be for too long, but in the beginning, they will need the bottle every few hours. And that does include in the middle of the night. It's a bit of a nuisance, I'll admit, but it won't be so very long. I mean, they are young, but they also grow fast and even complete newborns are starting on solids when they are about a month, so... Two weeks of complete nuisance, if I had to guess? Maybe three?“ These words were followed by an apologetic shrug and, to give Frederick some time to let them sink in, James took a sip of his tea, careful this time, before he continued: „And once they hit two months, they are old enough for adoption. So that's when they're ready to leave, and if there's no one ready to adopt them yet, to the shelter it is. Promise!“
There was a short, thoughtful hum, followed by a tentative nod.
„Eh, two months doesn't sound too bad. But what will you do, should they just die?“
James grimaced. „You aren't exactly optimistic, are you? You know, I am hoping that it won't happen. But if it does... Well, I'd bury them in the backyard. At least, that's what we did back home, unless the idea grosses you out. Then I'd ask mum, if I can bury them in her backyard. But seriously, I do think they'll make it, and unless there's something severely wrong with them, or you know, they just suddenly fail to thrive, I don't see a reason why they shouldn't. Now, I'm not saying there's no way, but they are quite healthy, considering the circumstances. And I've seen kittens in a worse shape make it.“
This gave Frederick pause. Perhaps less so James's optimism, that he was used to by now, but the matter of fact way with which James presented the worst case scenario, as well as the apparent experience he seemed to have on the matter. „You've done that before, haven't you?“
„Fostering? Well, no, that is, kind of. Mum did, still does, actually, that's why I had hoped she'd be able to take on the little ones, but well, we helped. A lot. So if you want to know whether I know what I'm doing, yes, I am. And even if I were to get stuck, mum already said I could always call her, at any time.“ James smiled fondly, remembering the exact phrasing his mother had used, which had included some exceptions, like to keep in mind when she'd be busy making dinner, but he knew, should it come to it, those exceptions would be meaningless. He really could call her any time he needed her. Always.
„Your mother? But I thought that woman raised ten children?! And now you're telling me she also raised kittens on the side?“ The disbelief in Frederick's voice was hard to miss, but James could not blame him. Instead he chuckled.
„Not on the side, no. She raised us first, but once Harriet started kindergarten, well, I guess she grew a bit... Um... Bored.“
„Bored?! With ten kids?“
„In a way, I can even understand it. Kind of. She did raise all ten of us, only, by that time we, that is Richard, Charlie, Catherine, actually, Sarah too, and I, well, we were all old enough to take care of ourselves, mostly. I mean, I was off to uni by then. And we all helped with the younger ones, too. So it was a lot less stressful. It certainly wasn't like back when Catherine was that age, and mum had three schoolboys, Catherine, a toddler and a pregnancy to handle. Compared to that, yes I think it was somewhat boring, wasn't it?“ Laughing, James got up to make Frederick another coffee. „Our mother really is a saint. And a bit incapable of just sitting about, I guess. So, anyway, the kittens …“