Chapter Text
“Lola!” The careless chuckle of a girl. “You fixed her,” Leia’s overjoyed voice echoed through the bare cargo bay. You watched from afar as she took a small, disk-shaped droid from Kenobi’s hands. The droid beeped and fluttered with its metallic wings. “Thank you,” said Leia.
Kenobi didn’t smile, or nod, he just looked at her. You wished you could hear what was going on in his head. Ten years since Order 66. Ten years which had chipped away at you; which had obviously chipped away at him as well.
Leia noticed that you’d entered the cargo bay. She walked up to you with confident strides.
“Zena, meet Lola!” The red-and-white android flew up from where it had been nuzzled in her hands, beeping a friendly greeting.
“Hello, Lola.” You waved at the droid, but your gaze went back to Kenobi again. He didn’t even so much as look at you. Perhaps it was better that way.
“You know each other, don’t you?” Leia’s sharp voice piped up again. “Ben! You know her, right?”
You were puzzled by the girl’s – quite correct – accusation. Kenobi frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Leia.”
“Don’t lie!” the girl stomped her feet. “You always lie to me!”
Kenobi exchanged a tense look with Leia. There was an uneasy silence that you didn’t wish to escalate.
Gently, you inserted yourself into their conversation, saying, “You’re not wrong, Leia. We used to know each other.” For the break of a second, Kenobi met your eyes. “But that was a long time ago and… We’re not really who we used to be back then.”
Leia tilted her head at you. “Did you fight in the war together? With my father?”
You remembered the Clone Wars. You remembered your time alongside Windu as a general and your time spent in the dirt of some military camp, struggling to keep your sanity.
This time, it was Kenobi who answered, “Yes, we did.”
At that, Leia’s eyes lit up. She gazed at you even more curiously than before. “Are you a Jedi, too?” That question and the genuine light in her eyes hurt you. It stung. You could feel Kenobi’s eyes on you like something heavy weighing on your back, but you refused to look at him.
“No,” you told the girl, “I’m not.”
Leia seemed slightly disappointed. She redirected her curiosity back at Kenobi. “I want to know what it feels like. The Force.”
A good question. A question you wouldn’t be able to respond to. You’d spent so much time trying to dull your perception, pushing your abilities away, hiding them not only from the Empire but also from yourself… You’d gone numb. The realisation was a harsh one, but you tried not to feel sad about it. After all, you couldn’t miss something that you barely remembered. Just because you couldn’t really sense the Force anymore, that didn’t mean it was gone. Right?
There was a pause in which Kenobi seemed to mull over his answer, then he responded, “Have you ever been afraid of the dark?”
“Yes,” said Leia.
“And then… when you turn the lights on, how does it feel?”
“Safe,” she responded.
Kenobi nodded ever so slightly. “That’s how it feels.”
That was a nice way of describing it. Inviting. You looked at Kenobi and tried to remember, but all you felt was… detached.
“That sounds wonderful,” whispered Leia.
You cleared your throat, if only to break yourself out of the strange daze Kenobi’s words had put you in. “It’ll be a while until we arrive. I’m going to search for food rations in the other parts of the ship. Pretty sure raiders took most of them, but there could still be some hidden stashes around.”
“Lola and I will help you!” said Leia eagerly.
Kenobi didn’t protest.
Half an hour later, after scanning the entire ship, all you’d found were a few sheets of dried fruit pulp. It was better than nothing, really. Leia and you returned to the cargo bay only to find Kenobi seated cross-legged in the middle of it. He was mumbling to himself.
Leia pulled on your sleeve. “Has he gone insane?” she whispered.
It tickled a huff of amusement out of your nose. “No,” you explained, “He’s just meditating. Let’s give him some space.”
“If you say so…” Leia hopped onto a cargo box in the corner and pulled her legs up. Lola cruised around her in an elegant curve, landing on the girl’s knee.
Meanwhile, you observed Kenobi’s back. It seemed surreal, seeing him like this. A part of you had already lost all hopes of ever meeting a Jedi again, let alone General Kenobi.
Eventually, he stopped mumbling and his shoulders fell. Even from behind, you could see he looked defeated.
Carefully, unsure whether it was allowed, you walked over to him. As he didn’t react, you crouched down and ended up seated right next to him on the metal floor. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t even know why you’d approached him, why you’d sat down next to him.
Luckily, it was Kenobi who initiated a conversation. “Were you on Daiyu all this time?” he asked, turning his head to face you.
Holding eye contact was somehow difficult, but you didn’t want to look away either.
“No. But I became a bounty hunter quite early on. Spent some time on Nal Hutta which I really can’t recommend!” Slimy people, swampy place. You didn’t want to think about it for too long. “After that, I travelled here and there, staying mostly in the Outer Rim. At some point, I met this hunter who recommended Daiyu. Perfect place to disappear, but simultaneously to keep up to date with the latest bounties.” And to drown out the past with alcohol and spices, but you didn’t mention that. “There I went. It’s been six years.”
Kenobi looked away and nodded. You wanted to return the question, but you had a feeling he wouldn’t want to tell you where he’d been.
“Who is that girl?” you asked instead, keeping your voice hushed.
Kenobi glanced over at Leia, a wistful fondness in his eyes. “She’s a princess. They kidnapped her… only to get to me. They knew I’d come after her. I’m the real reason why she’s not home on Alderaan right now,” he whispered, “Which is why I must keep her safe.”
“And why you’ll be the one to take her back to Alderaan,” you concluded. The mosaic was slowly falling into place.
“Yes,” confirmed Kenobi. He looked down at his hands which he’d folded in his lap. On instinct, you followed his line of sight. The skin on his hands looked rough, sunburnt. You wondered what had led to that. You wondered what it would feel like to reach over and hold his hand, wondered if it would comfort, or offend him.
Suddenly, a blue light started blinking in the hallway which led to the little cockpit.
“Ah,” you rose to your feet, “Lady and Jedi, we’ve arrived in the star system of our destination. Let’s pay Mapuzo a visit!”
***
The boy was unconscious. You had hooked the youngling’s legs around your arms to each side of your torso, carrying him. Ten minutes ago, he’d stopped responding, but you could still feel his breath next to your ear. The warm huffs of air gave you strength. That, and the Force pumping through your veins urged you to keep moving.
You walked along yellowed streets towards an area of the city that was less polished and more industrial. With every step, the adrenaline continued to wear off, giving way to a pulsating pain in your left shoulder. Twenty more minutes passed until you reached the house you’d been looking for. It was hidden in a narrow alleyway, all the way on the ground, overshadowed by the tall buildings all around, a spot that was reached by little light. Shuttlecrafts flew high above, the air buzzing busily beyond the rooftops, but down here it was dark and calm. The slim building was squeezed in-between two towers, claustrophobically small and easy to overlook. Perfect.
You knocked on the circular door. Almost instantaneously, a slit opened and a pair of small, reptilian-looking eyes glanced at you. When the eyes spotted the unconscious child on your back, the door was opened all the way.
“Come on, come on! Quickly. You’re not the first.” Using all four of his hands, a Besalisk hurriedly ushered you inside. He was dressed in a white shirt with brown stains on it, his grey-skinned hands were visibly calloused and right now his general aura was more stressed than you’d ever seen him.
“Thank you, Dex,” you muttered as the door slid shut behind you. Dexter was an old friend. After Master Krell’s death in the war, Dexter had been the only Besalisk in your close proximity and you’d grown rather friendly with each other. You would usually meet him for a drink in his diner when you weren’t training younglings at the Temple and when the time allowed for it, but today you were invading his home. Today wasn’t like any other day.
The Besalisk led you through a short corridor past walls lined with personal pictures and around a corner. You found yourself in some sort of living-room-turned-field-hospital.
On the couch lay a youngling, a brown-skinned girl, curled up in pain. In front of her knelt an elderly woman whom you recognised as Master Jacosta Nu, the Temple’s librarian. A dark-haired padawan was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a low table. His left hand was submerged in a bowl full of bacta liquid. You didn’t know who his master was and you didn’t want to know what had happened to them.
“We have a limited supply of bacta, but should be enough to heal the boy’s back,” said Dexter, “Follow me to the bathtub, we can lie him down.”
You exchanged a look with the padawan in passing, tearing your eyes away from his wounded hand, or what was left of it. Once in the bathroom, Dexter filled the tub with some bacta. Then the Besalisk gently took the human boy from your back, removed his makeshift bandage, took off his shirt and placed him into the liquid. It was just so enough to submerge his bleeding back. He seemed so fragile, his skinny body exposed and his eyes closed in exhaustion.
“What’s his name?” asked Dexter.
“Pellian Daival,” you replied. Instinctively, you reached for your left shoulder. Now that you didn’t have to carry Pellian anymore, your mental defences fell, and the pain came flooding in. “Who are the others?”
“Well, you know Master Nu. The child with her is a youngling named Reva. She was shot in the stomach, but she’ll live. The young man is called Nari.” Dexter’s eyes narrowed. “What’s with your shoulder?”
“Nothing, just a scratch.”
“Stop lying,” said Dexter, “We both know you have a knack for not taking care of yourself. Let me get some bacta spray.”
A couple of minutes later, you found yourself seated on a chair inside Dexter’s living room. Nari, the padawan, tried hard not to look at his own deformed hand. Reva had fallen asleep, or maybe into some kind of trauma-induced coma. Master Jacosta Nu had told you that she’d found the girl playing dead amongst the corpses of other younglings. Even just the thought made your blood run cold.
You’d taken off your robes and shirt, and were hunched over in nothing but your underwear and a pair of trousers. Dexter was spraying a thick layer of bacta onto your shoulder. The medication felt slimy on your skin, but it did soothe the pain.
“I don’t even want to know what happened,” mumbled Dexter, “The less I know, the better. I’d have offered the diner as a hiding spot, but it raises too much attention. I can’t risk it, as much as I’d like to help.”
“It’s okay, Dex,” you whispered, “As soon as we’re halfway healed, we’ll leave here. We don’t want to endanger you.”
Your thoughts kept circling back to the boy in the bathtub. You kept thinking about that moment when his little arms had gone limp around your shoulders. That moment when you had felt his body sagging on your back, his signature in the Force weakening.
Pellian Daival. He wasn’t part of your usual training group. You’d only met him today, but the name of this youngling would be forever etched into your memory. No matter what happened today. You just hoped he would make it.
***
There was nobody here. The landscape of Mapuzo lay barren, the sky was blue without a cloud in sight and the dry ground was broken up only occasionally by greenish grey weeds. Somewhere in the distance, earthy paths curled around the hills and through the shallow valleys, seemingly going nowhere.
“I knew it,” mumbled Kenobi, “We never should have trusted that fraud on Daiyu.”
“Maybe we just missed them,” you responded, “I landed the ship…”
“You mean you crashed the ship?” Kenobi cut in.
“I landed it a couple kilometres away from the designated rendez-vous point,” you hissed through your teeth, shooting him a scorching look, “In my defence, that ship is about as ancient as it gets without falling out of the sky.”
“Except it did fall out of the sky. Just now,” quipped Kenobi and you really had it up to here with him.
Sure, the landing hadn’t exactly been smooth, you gave him that. But he didn’t have to rub it in your face like that!
“Perhaps we should follow the path,” said Leia, taking her eyes off the smoking wreck of a ship you’d buried in the sand and towards the horizon instead. “Where there’s a path, there are likely people.”
“Not all people are good, Leia,” said Kenobi, anger and frustration colouring his tone.
“She is right, though,” you argued, “We don’t have much of a choice.”
Thus, you began following the path. It wasn’t long until the three of you spotted a transport coming over a hill. The vehicle was black and accompanied by a cloud of kicked-up dust. There were three or four figures on board. As the vehicle came closer and closer, you realised with a growing sense of discomfort that these figures were stormtroopers.
“Remember,” said Kenobi, drawing his hood down, “We’re farmers. You’re my daughter, your name is Luma. Let me do the talking!”
“What about Zena?” Leia asked.
Kenobi and you exchanged a glance. As long as you pulled your green coat around your shoulders to hide your weapons, you’d probably make an okay farmer.
In synchrony, Kenobi and you stated, “Wife.”
The vehicle came to a rumbling halt a couple of metres ahead. Three troopers jumped off, their weapons readied in their arms. Your heartbeat accelerated ever so slightly. Much to your own surprise, you felt yourself reaching for the Force. For the first time in years, you tried to find that comforting feeling of light in the dark.
However, where there should have been a warmth in your chest, a flow in your veins, a buzz in the breeze… there was nothing. It was as though the Force – which you’d been trying to hide away – was now hiding from you. There was no comfort.
Your fear grew stronger, an emotion you only allowed yourself to have, because you clearly weren’t a Jedi anymore. The stormtrooper in the middle started speaking. “Bit of a strange place for a walk. What are you doing, citizens?”
“We got a little lost,” responded Kenobi.
“Oh, yeah?” The two stormtroopers on the sides exchanged a look with each other. “Where are you from?”
“We are farmers from Tol.” Kenobi kept his head down. The trooper in the middle came closer step by step.
“And what are you doing all this way out here?” he asked.
“I…” Kenobi hesitated.
You were about to jump in with a lie, but Leia beat you to it, “My parents wanted to show me the place where they fell in love.”
The trooper seemed taken aback. Good one, Leia!
“Yes, it sounds embarrassing, but…” you jumped on the rolling train, putting a hand around Leia’s slim shoulders, “In these fields…” You gazed at Kenobi with what you hoped would look like a dreamy stare. “I met Ben for the first time.”
Kenobi did his best to return your gaze. It made your stomach feel weird.
Luckily the trooper in the middle seemed to buy into your lie. However, your relief died promptly, when the clone on the right looked up and pointed at something in the distance. “Hey! What’s that?”
“It looks like… smoke. Seems to be a crashed vehicle of sorts,” responded the trooper on the left, his tone turning sharp, “Happen to know anything about that?”
Kenobi shook his head. You felt the tension in the air, the danger like a palpable thing. You didn’t need the Force to warn you; it was obvious enough.
“Step forward, citizen,” ordered the middle one, “You, man! I’m talking to you!”
Your grip around Leia’s shoulder tightened. With the other hand, you reached for the blaster gun underneath your cloak.
“Show your face,” the trooper demanded. Very slowly, Kenobi lifted his head, until the hood finally couldn’t hide the features of his face anymore.
“Hey…” The trooper tilted his head. Though you couldn’t see it, you knew he was narrowing his eyes underneath that helmet. “Don’t I know you?”
“I know who that is,” said the trooper on the left and raised his weapon, “You’re under arre-!”
He was cut off short when someone shot him in the back. It happened so quickly, you barely had time to draw your own blaster. Before you knew it, all three stormtroopers had been shot. They lay face-down on the dusty ground.
Leia hid behind your legs.
There, on the back of the transport vehicle, stood a woman in the Empire’s Captain’s uniform, backlit by the sun. She lowered the blaster in her hand and said, “Come! I’ll get you to safety.”
Instinctively, you glanced over to Kenobi. He was looking right back at you.
“See?” you told him, even though your voice wasn’t quite as firm as you wanted it to sound, “I was right. We do have friends here.”
He didn’t answer. He wordlessly took Leia’s hand into his and the three of you climbed onto the back of the transport.
“Who are you?” Leia asked the strange lady.
“I’m Tala,” responded the woman in uniform, as she started the vehicle, “But we shouldn’t talk out here. The Empire has eyes and ears everywhere.”
Silently you sat beside Kenobi, close enough for your shoulders to touch and to push into each other at every sharp turn or bump in the road. You didn’t know where this Tala woman was taking you, but your stomach was telling you to trust her. Was that the Force, or just your instincts? You didn’t know.