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It's only now, with Phupha and Nam staring disapprovingly at him in his hospital bed that Tian is willing to admit that this may not be his finest moment. He really hadn't meant to get sick, and, in his defence, it had been preceded by a perfect storm of events that couldn't have ended any other way. Or at least, that's what Tian's telling himself.
Winter had hit Pha Phun Dao hard; torrential downpours, unreasonably cold weather and an influx of illness. There was a nasty cold going around the village, doing its best to take down half the population, and Nam had been quick to get on Tian's case.
"If anyone has any symptoms, stay away from them. Even if it's Phu."
"Yes, Doc." Tian rolls his eyes, long since accustomed to the gentle chiding.
"I mean it, Tian - it's a nasty strain and there's no telling how it would hit you." The doctor gestures toward Tian's chest. It's a familiar gesture, one that no longer makes him feel uneasy. Just fondly irritated.
"I know."
"And if you absolutely have to mingle, for god's sake wear a mask."
Tian has several hoards of surgical-grade masks stashed in the ranger's unit and his classroom. He's prepared.
"And if you start to feel-"
"Doc, I know!" Tian places his hands firmly on Nam's shoulders. "I come straight to you."
"That's right. And if you don't-"
"You'll tell the chief and the kids that I'm not looking after myself." Tian cuts him off, quick to reassure his friend. Nam looks worn out, the hectic nature of the past few days wearing him down. There are dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders are tense beneath Tian's palms. "Consider me suitably warned."
He's very well behaved at first.
Cold clings to the village like a second skin and Tian is more than happy to follow his doctor's orders. When Phupha tries to slip out of bed before dawn each morning, he only curls his arms around his handsome boyfriend and tries to coerce him back between the sheets a little bit. Phupha is willing to cooperate more often than not anyway.
Though the kids haven't started dropping yet, Tian knows it’s only a matter of time and obediently wears a mask in the classroom. Khauneung and Kalae complain about not being able to hear him from the back of the room, but Ayi and Inta are quick to scold them. Tian feels as though he’s raising mini Nams.
The peace is short-lived, however.
On Friday, Inta is home sick and both Nam and Phupha keep Tian under careful watch the whole weekend. He lets them fuss with minimal whining on his part; he understands why they worry. Tian's only been home for six months and the forest ranger is eager to prove to his parents that they can trust him with Tian's delicate health.
It's not so bad, really. The weather is shocking and they spend all of Saturday morning cuddled up toasty in bed, then take a long walk through the forest. Tian knows he's being kept out of harm's way, but when an exhausted Nam visits in the evening, he knows it's for the best.
"Are things clearing up yet?" Phupha's deep voice rumbles; Tian can feel it where he's pressed against the other man, shoulder to shoulder.
Nam sighs, rubbing his forehead. "Not yet - it's still rampant."
"Any good news?" Tian, like the rest of the village, is eager for things to go back to normal.
"There is something." The doctor takes a sip of coffee, the tin cup cradled firmly between his hands. "Even though it's hitting people hard, no one's been really sick for more than a few days."
"That's great." Phupha shits in his seat. "But this one still needs to be vigilant, right?"
Tian pouts as they talk over him, but Nam fixes him with a serious stare.
"Absolutely. Nong Tian needs to be on his best behaviour. Seriously."
"Sir, yes, sir!" Tian salutes.
" Tian ." Phupha's exasperation washes over him, and Tian can only grin up at him.
"I'm being good, I promise."
"Keep it up."
Sunday is a little more frustrating; Tian needs to go to the school and prep some resources for the week - even in the midst of an outbreak education stops for no man. Phupha, however, is reluctant to let him go. Nam had radioed in to let them know of a cluster of nearby cases, including Ayi and Meejoo’s parents..
"Just stay in bed a bit longer."
"We've been here for hours. Don't you have something else to do?" Tian's sure he does; Phupha almost never has the entire weekend off, so there must be a long list of tasks amassing as the ranger neglects his duties in favour of his boyfriend.
"Nothing as good as this." And it is tempting. The older man is propped up on one elbow, all that beautifully toned and tanned muscle on display. His free hand trails gently up and down Tian's chest. Phupha's skin is hot and rough and Tian is not immune to the way his heart jumps and his fingers tingle at the simple touch.
"Chief..." Tian turns his head, catching sight of his lover's twinkling eyes and warm smile. God , Tian loves him.
"Mrm?" Phupha's hand settles in the centre of his chest, right over the thick scar marring his skin.
" Chief ." Once upon a time, the touch would have made Tian self-conscious; even now there are days when he reminisces about smooth, unblemished skin. But without the scar, without the surgery, he never would have met Phupha, the man who never fails to make him feel loved and wanted. The man whose hand he catches in his own. "Let me get up."
"You don't have to." Their fingers twine together, a comforting weight on Tian's bare chest. "It's better here."
He's not wrong, but that's not what he means. "You mean it's safer?"
Phupha's smile barely twitches. "That too."
“You can’t keep me in bed forever.” Tian regrets the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, the other man’s eyes taking on a dangerous gleam.
“Is that a challenge?” Phupha shifts, hands now pressed into the mattress on either side of Tian’s biceps. He feels himself sink further into the bed, the older man’s body a hot, insistent weight on top of him.
It’s a dirty trick, one that Tian is fully conscious of, but there’s little he can do to say no when Phupha is looking at him like that; playful, a little worried and a lot dizzyingly in love. He still rolls his eyes, despite excitement sparking low and hot beneath his navel.
“Chief,” Tian chastises, entirely performative as his hands curl around Phupha’s arms, triceps tense beneath his touch. “I have work to do.”
“Later.” Phupha’s eyes never leave Tian’s as he slowly lowers himself to capture the younger man’s lips with his own, desire simmering between them. Tian’s heart thuds in his chest, endlessly affected by Phupha in any sort of proximity. He studies his lover’s face as the gap between them closes; the fullness of his brows, the brush of his eyelashes against his skin when he blinks, the mole beneath his eye. Tian’s breath catches in his throat just as their lips meet, eyes fluttering shut in bliss.
It’s not a sweet kiss but it is a little like syrup, slow and leisurely, want thick on Tian’s tongue. It’s not desperate, but it is insistent; Phupha’s mouth is spit-slick against his and it's all he can do not to whimper when the older man sucks gently at his lower lip.
Tian feels one of those big, rough hands drag tenderly over his shoulder, up his throat, curling around his neck. As calloused fingers curl into the hair at his nape, tilting his chin to let Phupha deepen the kiss with ease, all thoughts of lesson planning are banished from Tian’s mind.
Monday brings a new challenge for the both of them. Yod calls early, the walky on their bedside table crackling to life. "Yod?" Phupha's voice is rough with sleep, and Tian barely listens, still dozing beside him.
"There's been a flood in one of the lower villages."
"How bad?"
"No casualties, but there are damages to houses and properties."
"Fuck." There's a rustle in the sheets as Phupha sits up and Tian rolls to follow the warmth.
"All hands on deck?" Phupha sounds awake now, alert and in full ranger mode as he crosses their room, bare feet padding quietly over cement.
"As soon as possible." Yod's crackling voice comes over the walky, as serious as Tian's ever heard him.
The urgency in both men's voices has Tian cracking his eyes open, only to see Phupha shrugging on his fatigues.
"I'm leaving now. Meet you outside the ranger's station in five."
The walky goes dead and Tian sits up, worry bubbling in his gut. "Chief?"
"Tian." Phupha turns, almost surprised to see Tian awake. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"No, no, it's okay. What's wrong?" His voice is rough with sleep.
"I have to go to one of the other villages - there's flood damage that needs help with."
"Oh... Is everyone okay?"
"According to Yod, there's been no injuries." Tian watches as his lover tugs on his boots, laces yanked hurriedly through worn eyelets. Spare socks and shirts are thrown haphazardly into a bag, and Tian's uneasiness grows.
"Chief? How long are you going for?"
This gets Phupha's attention, and his lover looks over at him, eyes warm and sad. "I don't know. I might be back tonight, or I might be back next week."
"Oh..." Tian is suddenly wide awake. "Um..."
As though sensing his discomfort, Phupha crosses to their bed, leaning down to press a kiss to Tian's forehead. Warmth spreads from the spot of contract, a comforting blanket that wraps around the teacher's shoulders. "I'll be okay, Tian."
"Yeah. Yeah, of course you will." Tian isn't sure how to put it into words, how adrift he feels, especially after having Phupha glued to his side all week. "You've got to go. I know."
"Tian..." The other man's voice is soft and unsure, and Tian knows that Phupha's need to take care of him, and need to do his duty are warring for control. "Are you-"
"I'm okay," Tian forces a smile onto his face. "Go and do your job, go help those people and their homes."
"Tian, are you sure-" the walky crackles again, and it's Rang this time, letting Phupha know they've arrived. "... I have to go."
"I know." Tian wraps his arms around Phupha's waist, allowing himself a goodbye hug. "Let me know if you need any help from us here. We can bring provisions or bamboo or food if it's needed."
Phupha holds him tight, arms pressing Tian's face against his middle. "Yeah."
"Don't keep them waiting." Tian pulls away reluctantly, schooling his features into supportive boyfriend mode, instead of the sad, clingy model.
"You'll be good, right?" Phupha's eyes flash with worry as he backs toward the door. "You'll wear a mask and go to Nam if anything at all feels off?"
"I will." From the bed, Tian feels like a child seeing a parent off to work for the first time; devastated, powerless and hopelessly fond. "You don't have to worry about me."
"I always worry about you." Phupha grins at him, though it's tense.
"I know." Tian smiles. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Stay safe."
"You too..."
Tian laughs. They're drawing out the goodbye like teenagers. "You have to go, Chief."
"I know." Phupha laughs and takes one last look at Tian, as though drinking him in. Tian feels seen, but in the warmest, most loving way. He stares back in much the same fashion.
"I'll see you when you get back."
Only when the door clicks shut and Phupha's footsteps have echoed into silence, does Tian let the smile fall from his face. He's always known it was part of the deal; to be without Phupha when natural disasters and emergencies arise, but it's the first time since he's returned that they've been apart without a return date. It's been seconds, and already Tian misses Phupha like a limb. The weight sits heavy in his gut, a sinking stone pinning him to the mattress.
Unfortunately, the school is still running and he must continue to show up. For the kids.
Selfishly, he considers telling them to stay home for the week. After all, Inta’s sick. But most of the kids have sick parents, and it's good for the adults to have time to recover during the day. So Tian stays on, caring for the kids as they too fall ill one by one.
He realises that perhaps Phupha would be less than pleased by Tian's approach, but it's the only thing keeping Tian from spending all his time moping around in their bed, missing his boyfriend.
On Tuesday, Tian's nose starts to run, but he chalks it up to the inconsistent weather they've been having. By Thursday, his chest starts to feel a little tight, but it's been so cold that it doesn’t seem too out of the ordinary. When he thinks about seeing Nam, he remembers that the doc has been jumping between Pha Phun Dao and the lower villages and the wider community, giving aid whenever he can. He's had little time for Tian, but the younger man doesn't mind. Nam looks so run down that he can't bear to put more pressure on him. It's not connected to his heart anyway - the slight rasp when he breathes tells him that. In fact, it’s probably all just because he misses Phupha so much. It's been four days with no news, save assurance from Nam that the chief is, in fact, alive, and Tian misses him profoundly.
Come Friday, he's down to two students and he feels... off. It's the weekend though, and with Phupha and the other rangers away, he can spend the whole weekend in bed resting up.
It strikes Tian, as he shakes with fever on Sunday afternoon, that he has perhaps been incredibly stupid. His shirt is soaked through with sweat for the second time that day and he can't seem to get warm despite the sticky heat rising from his skin. His chest wheezes with every inhale, and he knows that he's not well, knows that he was an idiot for ignoring all the warning signs. There's not much to say in his defence, but he knows the students (and himself) have appreciated some semblance of normality in their lives, what with sickness still rampant and all their rangers away on important life-saving business.
Tian hasn't eaten since the night before, but his stomach roils at the thought of getting out of bed for anything less than a life or death situation. He knows he should call Nam. He knows it very well. But the closest walky seems miles away, though it's just on the other side of the wall. This distance is too great, and Tian falls into a restless sleep, keeping everything crossed, praying to wake up miraculously fine the next day.
Tian does have to face the consequences of his actions on Monday. He stumbles into the village early in the morning, lungs burning in the cold air. If he coughs up a lung on the way there, no one except the visiting stranger he'd crossed paths with has to know.
He's at his desk half an hour before the kids arrive, struggling to catch his breath. Okay, he decides, enough is enough. He'll get through the teaching day and then go see Nam. Hopefully the doctor will help him before killing him.
Tian loses track of time, dozing in his rickety chair until the students slowly filter in. There are only two today: Kalae and Meejoo. Everyone else has fallen sick over the weekend, they tell him. He hates to think of his kids sick and hurting, and he makes a note to visit with congee later in the day. Once he's seen the doc, that is.
They have a quiet morning - each of the kids picks a book to read aloud and Tian corrects their pronunciation as they project their voices over the rain that's been steadily falling since dawn. He really is so proud of them and how far they've come since he first met them, now nearly three years ago.
Tian has been able to hide how truly awful he's been feeling, pale face and red nose hidden behind a mask. However, it's nearing the end of the day when a coughing fit sneaks up on him.
Surreptitiously, Tian turns away from his students to cough into his fist, but once he starts he can't stop. Each cough burns his lungs, sends a stabbing pain through his chest, and for the first time the worry that something is really wrong sounds alarm bells in his head. He reaches out to steady himself against the dividing fence before turning back.
"P'Seetian, are you okay?" Kalae's voice sounds far away, but the young teacher creases his eyes in a watery mockery of a smile.
"Are you sick?" Meejoo's warm hand wraps around his arm and Tian tries his best to focus on the contact instead of his heart beating against his ribs like a bird trapped in a cage.
"Yeah," he sucks in a breath that barely reaches his lungs, rasping wetly. "I think I am."
The girl at his side guides him carefully to his chair, concern etched on her features. Kalae stands on the other side of the desk, also worried.
"P'Seetian, you're not supposed to come to school if you're sick." Meejoo scolds him. "You know better!"
Tian smiles faintly at her, a little cowed that she's using his own advice against him. "You're right, Meejoo. I should have stayed home." He tries to clear his throat, but the body-wracking coughs return and both children jerk back in horror.
"I-I think we should tell someone." Kalae stammers, eyes wide.
"Who?" Meejoo asks quietly, reminding Tian of how young she really is. "Chief Phupha?"
"He's away..." The older boy bites his lip. "Khamar?"
"Too old to do anything... P'Rang?"
"No, him and Chang Yod are with the chief."
Even with his eyes mostly closed and his head now buried in his hands as he tries to breathe normally, Tian is so proud of their problem solving. He can tell they're scared though, and he forces himself to give them the answer they need.
"Doc Nam," he rasps, eyes still shut. "C-can you get him for me?"
The kids are quick to agree, twin messengers racing out of the school, leaving Tian at his desk. He needs to keep it together for the kids, needs to make sure he's okay when they get back. The last thing he wants to do is scare them. But he's scared.
Phupha had left a week ago, and it's the longest period of time they've been apart since Tian got back from the US. He's worried about the older man out in the field, traversing dangerous terrain, and he knows that the ranger is just as worried about him. Tian had stupidly promised that he'd be okay, that nothing would happen to him, and now he's gone and made a liar of himself out of sheer stubbornness. If he survives this, everyone is going to be so rightfully angry with him.
The thought makes Tian hunch in on himself; he's worked so hard to keep the school running, even in the middle of his minor health crisis, and he doesn't want to be in trouble for that. He can already picture the disappointment on Nam's face, the worry on Phupha's, and he chokes back a sob. Not now .
Instead of fully succumbing to self pity, Tian tears the mask from his face, trying desperately to draw in lungfuls of cold hair. He spots his drink bottle on Kalae's desk at the front of the room and makes it his mission. When he stands, he has to brace himself against the desk for a moment until the room stops spinning, but soon he has the metal canister clutched in his hands. The liquid inside is cool, soothing as it spills down his throat until he coughs. And keeps coughing.
Perching on Kalae’s seat, Tian uses the classroom wall for support, the bamboo ridges an uncomfortable resting place against his oversensitive skin. As he fights through the coughing fit that has black spots flickering in the corners of his vision he decides he’ll take what he can get.
When it finally passes, he leans back with his eyes closed, trying to keep his chest open as he sucks in rapid, shallow breaths.
He's not sure how long he waits, but eventually he hears the squelch of thick-soled shoes in the mud outside.
"Tian?" Nam calls, voice clear over the rain. "Your protectors said you weren't feeling well.”
The man in question lifts his head to see the tired doctor dripping rain water. He waves weakly. "Hey, Doc."
"Tian!" The way that Nam's expression falls from fond concern to outright terror would be laughable if it weren't at Tian's own expense. The doctor is on his knees beside Tian in an instant. "Tian, you bloody idiot."
"Language," Tian scolds, gesturing slightly to Kalae and Meejoo as he tries to remind the doctor that there are children present.
"Believe me, I'm holding back.” Nam's voice is low and dark, a stethoscope in his hands already. "How long have you been sick?"
"Since... Friday?" Tian winces when Nam drags the collar of his shirt open roughly and presses the unforgivingly cold metal to his chest.
The doctor listens to his heart intently, and Tian is both grateful for his single-minded focus and terrified of the rage he knows is simmering under the surface.
It's not like Tian wants to be sick or wants to push his limits... He just didn't want to be a bother. He has some regrets though, when Nam hisses through his teeth and shoves his belongings back into his bag.
"We're going to the clinic."
"Is that really-"
"Tian, you'll be lucky if I don't call an ambulance when we get there."
Tian hesitates, gazing blearily at his friend. "That bad, huh?"
"Your heart sounds fine." Oh, that's promising. Tian feels himself relax a little, until Nam speaks again. "But I think you've gone and caught yourself pneumonia, you stubborn boy."
Ah. Shit.
"A-are you sure? Maybe it's just the weather..."
Nam hooks an arm under his and hauls him to his feet. Tian’s vision is no longer blurring, but he does lean on the doctor rather heavily.
"Call it 85% sure."
“...Are you going to tell the chief?"
"Are you kidding?" The pair make their way out of the school and stumble through the village, Meejoo and Kalae hot on their heels. “Of course I’m telling.”
"But-"
"You promised, Tian." Nam's tone is sharp, and Tian feels suitably chagrined. "You promised me you'd tell me the second you started feeling sick."
"... I'm sorry." He coughs roughly into his collar and Nam just sighs.
"Phupha's going to kill me."
"Not if he kills me first." Tian tries a weak grin. "Whose time’s up first?"
"Mine." Nam sounds miserable. "He trusted me with you, Tian."
"It's not your fault, P'Mor. It's all me."
"Yeah…” Nam adjusts his arm, easing Tian’s journey just slightly. “C'mon, we need to get you warm and full of fluids and antibiotics."
"Do you have space for me at the clinic? I know I'm hardly the only sick person around."
"Maybe not, but none of my other patients have had heart transplants that they insist on playing fast and loose with."
"Noted..."
It's not until Tian's sitting on the small, hard cot in the infirmary that it really sinks in that he might be, well, really unwell. And he feels it. There's a terrible pressure building behind his eyes and his chest is tight and painful. He's starting to shake again, and all he wants to do is burrow into Phupha's side and sleep for a week. But he can't do that, especially not with the kids there.
Meejoo and Kalae are hovering at the end of the bed, big, worried eyes focused on Tian and only Tian. The teacher is trying so hard to be brave and strong for them, but he can feel himself slipping.
"P'Seetian?" Meejoo's sweet voice is soft, but rings loud in the small room. "Are you going to be okay?"
Tian quirks his lips up in a terrible approximation of a smile and even Kalae winces.
"I'll be fine, Meejoo."
"Are you sure? You don't look very well."
Tucking his hands under his thighs to hide their trembling, Tian sighs softly, triggering a rough cough. "I just need some time to rest."
"Okay..." The girl doesn't look convinced, but in a move that Tian isn’t sure he deserves, Nam saves the day. The doctor looks up from where he’s been bustling about in the cupboards, searching for antibiotics and medication, assessing the situation. Tian isn't sure whether it's because he can tell how close Tian is to losing his composure, or if he just wants less people in his office, but Nam moves toward the kids with a warm smile.
"You heard Ai'Seetian! Once he's had some medicine and a big sleep, he'll be right as rain!" He pauses. "You both did a very good job coming to find me this afternoon. Well done."
"P'Seetian asked us to." Kalae ducks his head shyly.
"Oh did he?" Nam turns to look at Tian, raising an eyebrow. "So he does know what doctors are for."
"Stop it." Tian's voice is low and rough, tired.
"It must have been really scary to see Ai'seetian like that, and you were very brave going to get help."
"It's what P'Seetian would have done for us." Meejoo beams and Tian tries to return her smile, though he can feel tired tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
It's like Nam can read his mind, or he finally decides to take pity on Tian and his stupidity, as he ushers the children toward the door. "Why don't you both go home and make P'Tian a get-well-soon card, hrm? I'm sure he'd really appreciate it."
"Okay!!" Meejoo and Kalae perk up at the notion of having something they can do to help, and they leave with a few more waves and shouted well wishes in Tian's direction.
There's silence for a beat, the stark fluorescents humming above their heads. Nam turns to look at Tian, and all the younger man can do is fold in on himself, sniffling quietly, forehead pressed to his knees.
"Oh, Tian..." Nam exhales loudly, crossing the room.
"I-I don't feel good." Tian manages, breath hitching as he speaks.
"I bet you don't..." Nam perches beside him and draws him into his side with an arm around his shoulders. "Let's try to fix that, yeah?"
"Y-yeah." Tian is feeling exceptionally sorry for himself; ill, embarrassed and chastised. It's a terrible combination that has him shaking and guilt-ridden.
Nam sighs, rubbing his back to combat the tremors he must surely feel coursing through Tian. "Take off your shoes and climb into bed. Lay back, okay?"
Tian does as he's told, though he can't lie on his back; instead he's curled on his side, wheezing through the shivers. Nam covers him with a thick blanket, making sure he's well tucked in. "I'm going to set you up with a saline drip to get some fluids into you, okay Nong Tian?"
"Okay, P'Mor..." Tian lets his eyes flutter closed, lashes still wet with exhausted tears though the ache behind his eyes eases some. He snakes a hand out from under the blanket at Nam's bequest, barely even flinching when the IV pierces his skin.
"Tian?"
"Mrm?" Now that he's starting to warm up, and knows he's safe, Tian is quickly falling into a much needed sleep.
"I'm gonna need you to open your eyes just for a little bit longer, okay?"
"P'Mor..." Tian whines but complies, heaving himself upright with a troubled cough. "Are you going to tell the chief now?"
"Once you're asleep I'll radio down to the village."
"Okay." As much as Tian doesn't want Phupha to be upset with him, he wants to hear his voice, see his face, more than anything.
"I just need to take a couple of tests, then I'll let you rest."
"Mrm..." Tian nods, head lolling just a little.
Nam is quick in his movements, but no less thorough. He takes Tian's temperature, listens to his heart and lungs again, then gives Tian an antibiotic to swallow. It's a struggle, but he gets it down and then Nam is helping him down again.
"Sleep now, Nong Tian. We'll talk more when you wake up."
Tian is asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He's not sure how much time passes, but when Tian comes to he can hear papers rustling from the direction of Nam's desk and two voices echoing in the sterile space.
"He's not dying, stop fretting." Nam's tone is soft and fond, clearly trying to keep the noise down. Tian wonders absently who the doc is speaking to.
"How did this happen, Nam? He was fine when I left." Phupha! Tian's whole being relaxes just at the sound of his rough voice, hushed and anxious.
"He's a stubborn idiot, Phu. That's how it happened."
"When did he get sick?"
"He says Friday, but I imagine he was feeling off a couple of days before that."
"But it's Monday , Nam."
"I'm as frustrated as you are, Phu. All we can do is hope he learns from his mistakes and grows some common sense."
Tian whines, not appreciating being called out when he’s awake to hear it.
"Speak of the devil." Nam's wry voice carries through the room, accompanied by another shuffle of paper.
"Tian." Phupha's voice is warm, yet tinged with worry. Tian hates being the reason for that.
He cracks his eyes open, battling the heavy fog in his brain to peer at the men before him. Both Nam and Phupha are leant against the edge of the doctor's desk, casting their disappointed gazes upon him. Tian would shrink back if he had anywhere to go. As it stands, he doesn't, so he settles for a pout. Nam is relaxed against the desk, arms resting lightly over his chest, as though just waiting for the right moment to call it a day. Phupha, on the other hand, is tense. His arms are also crossed over his chest, but the veins in his forearm give away just how tense he is, his jaw clenched tight. He's still dressed in his fatigues, mud clinging to his boots. His face is tanned after a week in the sun, and his cheeks and chin have grown scruffy with untended facial hair. Tian has almost never never been so happy to see him.
"Chief," Tian croaks. "You came to see me?"
Phupha sighs, feigning irritation, but his eyes never leave Tian and the IV still attached to his hand, pulling at the skin.
"Someone couldn't keep themselves out of trouble for five minutes."
"I’m okay, Chief. I n-nearly got away with it."
Nam scowls in Tian's direction.
"Oh c'mon, P'Mor - I'm only a little bit lying."
Phupha lets out a pained sound. "Tian."
"S-sorry." Tian's throat catches on the syllables and he coughs, the violent hacking a reminder of just how unwell he is, and perhaps, how poorly timed his joke was.
Phupha is at his side in an instant, cool facade long gone. There's a crease between his eyebrows and his hands flutter above Tian's frame, desperate for something to do.
This close, Tian can smell him, even under the rain and sweat-soaked uniform. When he catches his breath, he turns his head on the pillow to meet his lover's eyes. "Sorry. Chief."
Phupha sighs shakily. "Tian..."
"I know..." Tian's voice is equally soft, immensely guilty for worrying the other man.
"I can't believe you.” Almost instinctively, Phupha’s hand curls around Tian’s, a comfort to them both. “You should have gone to Nam as soon as you felt sick. You promised me, Tian."
"I know ." He looks away, heart pounding in his aching chest. "You didn't see P'Mor though... he was so tired the whole time you were gone. He barely had time to rest."
"Still, Tian. As much as I love Nam, and want him to be healthy, your safety is all I care about,."
"Mrm..." Tian looks down, face pressed to the pillow once more. "... Sorry."
"You can grovel when you're better." Phupha presses a tender, prickly kiss to Tian's forehead, and the younger man's eyelashes flutter.
"Chief... I missed you." His eyes fill with tears, suddenly overcome with all the emotions he's been pushing down - the ones he hid from the children, the ones he didn't tell Nam about, the ones he barely even shared with himself. "A lot."
"I missed you too, Tian. Every day." Phupha's large, warm hand settles on his head, fingers gently sifting through his hair. "Couldn't wait to come home to you."
"I'm sorry I took you away from your duty..." He's not, not really. Yes, he feels for the village and their losses, but they've had the chief for a whole seven days. Tian has been deprived and he's also in need. (He’ll send the other man back in two day's time to follow up and check on the villagers.)
"Don't be silly. This is the only place I need to be. " They both know it isn't true, but Tian will take what he can get.
"Take me with you next time."
"Everywhere. Forever."
Tian smiles, eyes closing, lulled into a doze by the weight of his lover's hand. Until Nam interrupts his peace.
"Phu, can you sit him up? He's gotta take some more antibiotics."
"P'Mor..." Tian whines, body going intentionally limp.
"Take your medicine. You got yourself into this mess.”
Grumbling, Tian lets Phupha hoist him into a seated position. It's better than he thought it would be, mostly because he's pressed up against Phupha's side, the ranger's arm tight around his shoulders to keep him vertical. With a very unimpressed expression, Nam hands him a pill followed by a glass of water. Tian's breath wheezes as he prepares to take the antibiotic and Phupha's arm tightens around him. Medicine taken and Nam satisfied with his progress, he's allowed to lay down again, curled on his side beneath the thick blankets.
Phupha remains where he is, keeping Tian warm.
"Tian, I'm going to keep you here for a couple more days, okay?" Nam's hand is a firm weight on Tian's calf, ensuring the younger man pays attention.
"Days?" Tian lets out a feeble cough.
"Yes. Where you'll be under my constant supervision, since you can't be trusted to update me of your condition yourself."
"That's fair..."
"I thought so. Shout if you need anything." Nam's hand lifts and his footsteps echo away, leaving Tian, presumably, alone with Phupha.
The man is a warm giant beside him, and Tian can't help but press his face into Phupha's hip . "Will you stay?"
"Forever." Phupha's voice is low, just for him. "Sleep now, Tian."
"Okay..."
Tian falls asleep like that, hand clasped in the Phupha’s, content even in his misery. It can't be comfortable for Phupha, but to the man's credit he doesn't say a word, content to sit beside Tian and keep him company for as long as Tian will have him.
The ache in Tian's chest echoes through his body, but it's manageable, with Phupha by his side.
A few tears escape him, wetness leaking down his cheeks. Phupha says nothing, though his grip tightens.
The clinic is silent when he wakes again. Absent is the ruffling of Nam’s paperwork and the whispers of kids, but Tian knows he’s not alone. Even before he opens his eyes he can feel Phupha’s warm presence at his bedside. He notices two things at once; his hand is needle free, no longer hooked up to the IV and Phupha’s big hand is still wrapped around it.
Blinking his eyes open, he’s temporarily blinded by the morning light spilling in through the windows.
“Ugh,” Tian brings his free up to rub his eyes, grit clinging to the corners. “Too bright.”
“Tian?” Phupha’s voice is close, low and rough with sleep. When Tian turns his head, he gets the pleasure of seeing his lover delightfully rumpled and confused. It’s always been a good look on him. Unfortunately the older man is quick to wake fully, his handsome brow creasing in worry.
“Hey.”
“How are you feeling?” The hand in his turns, linking their fingers together.
“Mrm…” How is he feeling? His chest is still tight and there’s still a wheeze when he breathes. But he’s not seeing double anymore and he no longer feels as though he’s going to shiver out of his skin. “Better but… been better.”
“Can I do anything?”
“Want to thumb wrestle?”
Phupha stares at him blankly for a moment, as though he can’t figure out whether Tian is trying to send him to an early grave or if he’s the funniest person alive. Personally, Tian hopes it’s the latter. Eventually, a fond smile curls the edges of the forest ranger’s lips.
“I’m going to win.”
His large hand curls around Tian’s, warm and rough. It makes him feel safe, even just this tiny point of contact and he grins lazily back.
“Bring it on.”